Petra is 17 but she's a bit at a loss what to do with her life | dG1fTzFremtZdVRBSlk
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00:00Hi, I have a Nirvana t-shirt, but I couldn't name three songs, I'm sometimes a pretentious
00:29piece of shit, but I'm really a good person. I'm totally fine. Oh, and I'm 17. I went to
00:37my first party at four. I ate four slices of blue cake with blue icing and threw up
00:41swirly and blue sick. I went to my first real party at 16, the first time I got invited.
00:47This time I was sick, but for another reason. Nerves. Life has been pretty good. As boring
00:55as it is, it definitely had its entertaining moments. I went places and I did things. I
01:00laughed a lot, sometimes for no reason. And I cried a lot, sometimes for no reason. I
01:05met people and fulfilled my obligation to participate in life. During this participation,
01:11I learned that there's a lot of time in your life to fill and a lot of things to fill it
01:15with. I tried sewing, that didn't work out. I've got fat fingers and shaky hands. Photography,
01:22I tried to view the world in a new light, but I guess it didn't want to be viewed. My
01:25Insta only got three likes, account deleted. I watched the Devil Wears Prada and decided
01:31to start my own version of Vogue. Turns out you need Ana Wintour and more than three brain
01:35cells. I have no words for this. My life only filled one page of a scrapbook. I took up
01:43whatever the fuck this is. Turns out I'm asthmatic, but none of these things have the X factor.
01:50I wasn't always like this. I used to have dreams. I envisioned many lives for myself.
01:56As a 50s movie star, fresh off the set of Casablanca, plagued by paparazzi. As a surgeon
02:02standing at the operating table, mending hearts and saving lives. As an artist, like Van Gogh,
02:08but with a shit ton of money and two fully functioning ears. As one of the real housewives
02:12of Beverly Hills, cruising in my Range Rover to go get my nails done before going to some
02:16charity lunch. Let's get one thing clear. I don't think I was ever stupid. I was a genius.
02:23I was basically just like every other kid at my school, except every other kid walked
02:27into the careers department with a goal and came up with a sensible career path. Have
02:31you considered law, medicine, engineering, pharmacy, accounting, business, dentistry,
02:36boredom, death? I've barely lived 17 years and with the minute amount of knowledge that
02:42I've attained, I've got to make a decision that will affect the next 50. The pilot made
02:47it sound so simple. Either I'm overthinking or everyone else is sleepwalking through life.
02:53The conference was no better. Brooke Noble, a slick arsehole of a pilot who knew many
02:57things about Boeing 747s but not much about inspiring children. I never had motion sickness
03:02but he certainly made my stomach churn. My friends had it all figured out and it didn't
03:09Panic flipped through me like the pages of a university prospectus. Each rejection was
03:13like a stinging paper cut on my finger which refused to stop bleeding. Maybe one of my
03:17doctor friends should help me out. And maybe one of my lawyer friends should fight my case.
03:21Maybe one of my engineering friends should rewire me. But they're leaving. I can't relate
03:26to my friends anymore. The forms of their future selves have moulded their present and
03:30I don't fit in. I feel like that U2 album you get for free on your iPhone. A flop. Life
03:37feels like an open ocean and everyone else has lifeboats. Friendships are like Titanic
03:41when there isn't enough room on the door. Survival is like learning to swim the deep
03:45end of the pool. Nothing makes sense anymore. Feels like everyone else has an answer to
03:52life itself and no one is letting me in on it. Sometimes it feels like a choice between
03:56comfort and happiness. But I don't even know what makes me comfortable or happy. Where
04:01am I? I'm alone and I don't know what I'm doing. But I'm about to miss my dream.