The Great Indian Kapil Show Bacha Hua Content Comedy | funny clips
Transcript
00:00Ms. Archana, if I ask you how much you weigh
00:03you'll say that women are not asked about their weight.
00:06But look, the process starts when a person comes into this world.
00:12As soon as a baby is born, the doctor says it's a baby boy.
00:152.5 kilograms.
00:16Absolutely.
00:17Although the baby doesn't know if it's more or less.
00:20Yes.
00:20The baby next to him is crying like a 3-kilo baby.
00:23The 2.5-kilo baby isn't crying because it's less than 500 grams.
00:28A lot of kids weigh so much that they look cute, right?
00:32So people pick them up and say, cute baby.
00:34Then they feel that it's a heavy baby.
00:37Cute baby.
00:39Because as soon as the baby's weight comes on their back
00:42people keep it.
00:44Then they don't pick it up and say, your baby is crying.
00:47When the baby grows up, he'll weigh the same.
00:51Then even the uncles don't dare to pick him up.
00:54The baby is pulling his pyjamas.
00:56Poodi.
00:59Even the uncles say..
01:01Chocolate.
01:02He knows that if he's working by giving chocolate
01:04why should he get a slip disk?
01:07People pick up skinny kids and say..
01:12He's so thin. He's so thin.
01:15He doesn't even know that he has something in his hand.
01:16If the mother was watching from a distance
01:17you'd know that he's been in your womb for nine months.
01:20Yes.
01:22When a fat kid is 15 years old and weighs the same as his father
01:26the mother gets tensed.
01:28Listen, Golu.. Look, Golu is spreading.
01:30Yes, he is.
01:31Take him for jogging in the morning.
01:33The father is brushing his teeth and he gets tensed.
01:34Nothing will happen.
01:37Once he gets married
01:38his wife will suck his blood and he'll lose weight.
01:44Then the wife stares at her husband
01:48that his outer skin is exposed
01:49and the inner skin is lost.
01:51No, I mean..
01:52Responsibilities also reduce weight.
01:56Earlier, when the horse and the carriage used to move
01:58look how they used to make the carriage sit.
02:00It used to be like this.
02:01The process is the same.
02:02The person who weighs more used to sit in the front.
02:04Yes.
02:05Because if he sits in the back
02:06the horse will move forward with the belt.
02:08And it used to happen many times.
02:10Then they used to make the carriage sit in the front.
02:11Move forward.
02:12The horse used to move forward like this.
02:13Then the horse used to look back.
02:14And the carriage used to sit in the back.
02:18The horse used to say, you pull it.
02:21The master used to stare at him.
02:22He used to say, I am a horse.
02:24You are not a donkey.
02:26You sit in the front.
02:27I want to tell my viewers
02:29that if a person's weight is 100 kgs on earth
02:32then on Mars, the weight of the same person
02:35will be 37.7 kgs.
02:37And it will be even less on the moon.
02:38That means 16.6 kgs.
02:40Good God.
02:41When our Pandey got to know about this
02:42he was telling his wife.
02:43I am not fat. I am staying in the wrong planet.
02:49There is a tribe in Ethiopia.
02:52The man who has a big stomach
02:55the women there consider him to be as handsome
02:57and want to marry him.
02:58Wow.
02:58Pandey got to know about this.
03:00Then he was telling his wife.
03:02I am not fat. I am staying in the wrong country.
03:06Then his wife said Ethiopia
03:08you drink less.
03:09She hit him with a stick.
03:10She said you are not in the wrong country.
03:11You are staying in the wrong house.
03:12I am Ramakant's wife. Get lost.
03:14She hit him with a stick.
03:17First, a big round of applause for Axel.
03:21The people of double Axel have come.
03:22So, one Axel has come here as well.
03:26Why are you underestimating me?
03:29I will underestimate you someday.
03:32Can't you see?
03:32There is an interview going on.
03:33You are interfering.
03:34Where is it going on?
03:36Where are you going?
03:38Stop him.
03:39He might reach the set of KBC.
03:43Oh, my God.
03:44Oh, my God.
03:45Oh, my God.
03:46Oh, my God.
03:46Oh, my God.
03:47Oh, my God.
03:48Oh, my God.
03:48Oh, my God.
03:49Oh, my God.
03:49Oh, my God.
03:50Don't laugh like that.
03:51You were laughing last time as well.
03:52Your face had fallen down.
03:55Let me introduce myself.
03:58I am Gudiya Laundrywali.
04:00Oh.
04:00I don't do business with people
04:01whose clothes are not dirty.
04:03Wow.
04:06And no one else's face is as dirty as his.
04:08Yes.
04:09That's why he doesn't have a partner.
04:11Get lost.
04:11I don't have a partner for you.
04:14Thank you.
04:16Why waste precious time on him?
04:18You are wasting precious time on him.
04:19You can go out and wash Ambani's vest.
04:25how are you?
04:26Hi.
04:27Do you know..
04:28Hindi?
04:29He can understand Hindi.
04:31But, for your..
04:33I will say a joke in English.
04:35Okay.
04:36Okay.
04:36You tell me..
04:38Tell me.
04:39that what is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
04:44I know.
04:46I will tell you.
04:47No, I will tell you.
04:48A mosquito can fly.
04:50But a fly cannot mosquito.
05:00Thank you.
05:00I just told you what I knew.
05:02I don't know much about English.
05:04But I wanted to talk about something important.
05:09If you don't mind, can I talk to Mr. Zaheer?
05:12Go ahead.
05:13Hi, Mr. Zaheer.
05:15To tell you the truth, I am feeling very shy today.
05:19I had a laptop.
05:22I used to keep a peacock feather in it.
05:25But ever since I saw your film, Notebook,
05:29I have been keeping your photo in my laptop.
05:33Of course.
05:34Why do you keep his photo?
05:36Because he doesn't have a feather.
05:42Anyway, I know a lot about you.
05:46Does he have a feather?
05:49Hey..
05:58He knows a lot about you.
06:00Your family is in the construction business, right?
06:02Yes, take him away.
06:03She makes RCC by putting sand and cement in his mouth.
06:07Show me.
06:09Cement and cement.
06:10Tell me something.
06:11Has Sony T.V. not given you Diwali?
06:16Why are you after me after washing your hands?
06:23I remember after washing my hands.
06:24You know I wash my clothes ridiculously.
06:26I have washed it all.
06:29I leave the colour.
06:30Is it?
06:30Do you want to be smeared with smoke?
06:32Hahaha
06:34Clothes leave colors
06:36but clothes are not important
06:38People leave colors
06:40I am not joking
06:42Take this man
06:44I didn't leave colors
06:46You left them though, you came to Sony
06:48Ohhhh
06:50Ohhhh
06:52Ohhhh
06:54Have you seen it?
06:56We have channelized the matter
06:58Hahaha
07:00You see, people think that washing clothes is an easy task.
07:05It's not like that.
07:08Washing clothes is a very risky task.
07:10What's so risky? You can get your face in the middle while washing clothes.
07:14No, that day I was washing clothes in the pond and a crocodile came in front of me.
07:17Yes, but the risk was of the crocodile, right?
07:19Did he get scared on seeing you?
07:20He must have got scared.
07:21He used to get scared. Now he doesn't get scared.
07:24Now he's a friend.
07:24Now our relationship has become very good.
07:27Now he claps with his mouth when he sees me.
07:34He's a kid.
07:36By the way, can I ask you a question of general knowledge?
07:39Why doesn't a crocodile clap with his hands?
07:42Why?
07:43Because if he claps with his hands, how will he swim? He won't drown.
07:50I love it. I love it.
07:53By the way, I saw the trailer of the film.
07:55You dream, don't you, Uma?
07:57Sikardhawan comes in your dreams.
07:58What do I tell you?
07:59Some time ago, he brought Virat Kohli in my dreams.
08:02I liked it a lot.
08:03You liked it, didn't you? He got very angry.
08:06That's why he scored 82 runs in 53 balls in a fit of anger.
08:12Then he gets angry every day.
08:13Yes.
08:14By the way, I saw Maharani once.
08:17You know, you've become the CM in it, right?
08:19So seeing you, my uncle got very inspired.
08:23He got inspired and even fought for the elections.
08:26He distributed liquor to win the elections.
08:28And he won the elections.
08:33Then why are you crying?
08:34No, because of distributing liquor, I went to jail again.
08:39I just got out of jail the day before yesterday.
08:43Then why are you crying when you're out?
08:45No, I got out of jail and distributed liquor again.
08:49And this time, I went inside with my aunt.
08:52Why did your aunt go inside?
08:53Because she distributed liquor with me.
08:59Now, we'll rot inside all our lives. It'll be fun.
09:03Then why are you laughing?
09:03No, I'm laughing because it's a joke now.
09:08You can't see the pain behind my laughter.
09:12We can see the man behind the laughter, not the pain behind it.
09:20What pain do you have?
09:21Look, I'm a heavy man.
09:24That's why people take me lightly.
09:27A few days ago, the groom's family came to see me at home.
09:31When they came, he said, it's too hot.
09:33What will you buy in winter?
09:34They said, get an AC car. We have to go.
09:38You have a bad attitude.
09:39I don't have a bad attitude.
09:40Look, it's not like that.
09:42Look, there's scope here. We can see it here.
09:44There's scope.
09:45Your brother, Mr. Saqib..
09:47Yes.
09:48He's single.
09:49He's ready to mingle.
09:51So, I was telling him to introduce me to Mr. Saqib.
09:56Setting.
09:57So, maybe things will work out.
09:59You have a lot of profit.
10:00You have a lot of restaurants in Delhi, right?
10:02Yes.
10:02If you marry me, you won't even have to keep the fridge there.
10:06Why?
10:07I'll eat all the leftover food.
10:12He won't marry you.
10:14He won't?
10:15No.
10:16I don't have any such man.
10:18I have a son.
10:19Are you sure?
10:20My parents have gone to see my son.
10:22Maybe we'll get married. You never know.
10:25My son isn't like that.
10:27He works in the wildlife forest department.
10:30What does he do?
10:30He bathes elephants.
10:34No.
10:35Bathing elephants isn't a small job.
10:38Because elephants are big in size.
10:40So, it's a big job.
10:41Imagine, I wash clothes.
10:43I'll leave my clothes under the elephant's feet.
10:45Elephants will be like this.
10:47My clothes will get dirty.
10:50What are you doing?
10:51My phone is ringing.
10:55It's the girl's phone.
10:55It's my mom's phone.
10:57Hello, mom.
10:59Hello.
11:01Mom, I've got engaged.
11:04What?
11:06The boy is saying that he won't be able to handle two elephants in one lifetime.
11:12Give the boy the phone.
11:14Hello. Hi.
11:15I like your honesty.
11:18I like your honesty.
11:21You won't be able to handle two elephants in one lifetime.
11:23Even I won't be able to handle them.
11:24Actually, I already have a dog.
11:32That's it.
11:36What happened? Did he refuse?
11:38Why would he refuse? I refused.
11:40Why would I marry such a boy?
11:43Bathing elephants isn't a small job.
11:45He bathes elephant's trunk. He bathes it with water.
11:48Why are you his mother?
11:50He will bathe the elephant.
11:51What's the fun in that?
11:52Who wants to see a snake or an elephant?
11:59Imagine, while washing the elephant
12:01his own leg slips and falls under the elephant's leg.
12:03He'll have to wash his hands for the rest of his life.
12:05He's washing the elephant.
12:10Okay.
12:11If this relationship doesn't exist, then let's find another one.
12:13Your interview was going on.
12:15Yes.
12:16Let's do that.
12:17We'll leave now.
12:18It was a pleasure meeting you.
12:20Okay.
12:23We'll leave now.
12:23It was a great interview. Thank you.
12:25Bye.
12:36Oh, my God!
12:43Sir, the entire team of Double Axel is here.
12:47I want to tell you something.
12:49What?
12:51I'll sit here.
12:57Hi, Ms. Huma.
12:59Hello.
12:59Do you know, Mr. Sonakshi, eating sweets
13:02reduces weight?
13:03It doesn't reduce, it increases.
13:05If you eat it after buying it, it increases.
13:06If you steal it and run away, it decreases.
13:11Let me tell you about myself.
13:12I'm the musician here.
13:14I'm Ustad Ghar Chauddas.
13:16I don't know anything about music.
13:21Please, we're talking.
13:22Please, request us.
13:24Yes.
13:24I can't do music.
13:27I'm a fool.
13:28We're talking, sir.
13:29Please.
13:30Go, I'm upset with you.
13:35What are you saying?
13:36I'm upset with you.
13:37Where are you getting upset from?
13:41You stay upset. I won't talk to you.
13:44It's not like that, Kapoor.
13:46When someone is upset, we stop them.
13:47Hold my hand.
13:48We hold hands and tell them to agree.
13:51I agree. I agree.
13:53I didn't stop you.
13:56You let go of my hand?
13:58If you had to let go, why did you hold my hand?
14:05This is how it is.
14:07I have a different obsession with you.
14:10Yes.
14:11I remember.
14:13You remember?
14:15Last time, I sang a lighter song for you and lit a lamp.
14:19Yes, I remember.
14:20This time, drink that petrol and show her the fire.
14:23Good suggestion.
14:24I tried it last time, but I won't do it today.
14:28Because sometimes, the fire comes out from the wrong place.
14:31I'll show you the fire.
14:32I'll show you the fire.
14:33I'll show you the fire.
14:34The fire comes out from the wrong place.
14:39I tried it, but my pyjamas got burnt.
14:43The pyjamas got burnt and the bangles got saved.
14:46I didn't like that.
14:47Sonakshi, I saw that in the film, the boys don't throw grass at you.
14:52But in reality, the girls don't throw grass at me.
14:56I'll show you this in reality.
14:59That's why I carry my own grass with me.
15:03Sir, I don't have any other choice.
15:07You should be ashamed.
15:08Your hair has turned grey and you're eating grass.
15:11Should I grow my hair green to eat grass?
15:15Should I roam around like a parrot?
15:17Uma, don't pay attention to him. Listen to me.
15:19Yes.
15:20Yes.
15:30Uma, a while ago, you played the role of a queen.
15:37Yes, I did.
15:38You played the role of a queen.
15:39Yes.
15:40Then you shot the next film in London.
15:42Yes.
15:43If you had shot the film in London, you would've been the queen of London.
15:46Yes.
15:47Yes.
15:49You should tell everyone that this joke is for Mr. Rahmani.
15:52Keep the camera on him.
15:54No one else laughed at this.
15:56I remembered that I was quite..
16:00I had been to London.
16:03I went to London and..
16:09I was going to go but it got cancelled.
16:10Because I didn't get..
16:12You got rejected?
16:13No, I got beaten up there.
16:15Oh, God!
16:16They stopped me at the airport.
16:18I had checked in.
16:19Yes.
16:20They told me that I can't take the lighter and the knife.
16:24Spicy food is not allowed.
16:25Yes.
16:26I told them to tell me.
16:27I took out a bomb from my pocket.
16:28I told them to drink it.
16:30It's spicy.
16:32Why were you taking the bomb?
16:34Sir, I was going abroad.
16:36You get everything there.
16:37You don't get a bomb made by your mother.
16:40You get it again, sir.
16:42Does your mother make bombs?
16:44No, she used to.
16:45But now she is in jail.
16:52He is so funny.
16:54He is so funny.
16:56Look, Mr. Ramani is so happy with your jokes.
16:59Sir, thank you.
17:05Where were you going?
17:08I had a concert in London.
17:11The audience loves me a lot.
17:16I can't even tell you how much they love me.
17:18You can show me.
17:19Show me the marks on your back.
17:22They love me because my music is so powerful.
17:25People go crazy.
17:27Yes.
17:27They go crazy.
17:29That's what happened there.
17:30The audience went crazy.
17:31They broke the stage.
17:33They turned my hand like this.
17:34I..
17:36But I didn't stop them.
17:38Why?
17:39Mr. Sona is enjoying it.
17:40Why didn't you stop them?
17:42No, sir.
17:43Because they thought I was someone else.
17:46I thought I should save the family of the person I was hitting.
17:48Why should I interfere?
17:52Why should I care?
17:55Why should I care?
17:55You could have said it when you realised they were hitting you.
17:59I could have said it.
18:00But a man had his knees on my face.
18:04Forget all this nonsense.
18:05They are making a film. Talk about that.
18:07Talk about that.
18:08Yes.
18:09As you said, Ms. Sonakshi
18:11you don't have to marry a rat.
18:13You can marry a rooster.
18:15If you ever find a rooster suitable in your life..
18:24I have professional experience
18:27in how to make a rooster.
18:29How?
18:29My teacher, who taught me music
18:32used to tell me to get fresh eggs in the morning.
18:35He used to tell me that the eggs should be so fresh
18:37that they should fall on my hand first.
18:39I used to get eggs for him in the morning.
18:42One day, I went to Darbha.
18:44I wore a rooster costume.
18:46I sat between the roosters like this.
18:50When I sat down, I kept my hand like this
18:53that the eggs are about to come.
18:54But I forgot that I was also a rooster.
18:57People were waiting for me to lay eggs.
19:03I tried to lay eggs.
19:07But that day, I realised that I can make sounds
19:11but I can't lay eggs.
19:13I also realised that roosters have sharp nails.
19:18When they realised that I am not a rooster
19:20they used to hit me with their nails.
19:24That's how I got the idea.
19:26Sir.
19:26Yes.
19:28I want to tell you something.
19:29Yes.
19:30Please get lost from here.
19:32Are you done?
19:33No, I have to lay eggs.
19:37I have come here to celebrate.
19:39Absolutely.