Rumpole of the Bailey. S06 E01. Runpole a la Carte.
First broadcast 28th October 1991.
Rumpole agrees to defend an elitist restaurateur whom he dislikes when a live mouse jumps out from one of his gourmet meals.
Leo McKern ... Horace Rumpole
Marion Mathie ... Hilda Rumpole
Robin Bailey ... Mr. Justice Gerald Graves
Peter Blythe ... Samuel Ballard Q.C.
Julian Curry ... Claude Erskine-Brown
Jonathan Coy ... Henry
Abigail McKern ... Liz Probert
Christopher Milburn ... Dave Inchcape
T.P. McKenna ... Jean Pierre O'Higgins
James Maxwell ... Everard Wystan
Richard Hampton ... Mr. Pinhorn
Frank Mills ... Figgis 'Fig' Newton
Pauline Delaney ... Mrs Rafferty (as Pauline Delany)
Pamela Miles ... Tricia Benbow
John Bluthal ... Gaston LeBlanc
Gianpiero Porcaro ... Alberto Pasquale
Paul Bentley ... Georges Pitou
Harriette Ashcroft ... Mary Skelton
Ronnie Letham ... Ian Purvis
Terence Conoley ... Elderly Q.C.
Mary Askham ... Intense Girl
Rumpole agrees to defend an elitist restaurateur whom he dislikes when a live mouse jumps out from one of his gourmet meals.
Leo McKern ... Horace Rumpole
Marion Mathie ... Hilda Rumpole
Robin Bailey ... Mr. Justice Gerald Graves
Peter Blythe ... Samuel Ballard Q.C.
Julian Curry ... Claude Erskine-Brown
Jonathan Coy ... Henry
Abigail McKern ... Liz Probert
Christopher Milburn ... Dave Inchcape
T.P. McKenna ... Jean Pierre O'Higgins
James Maxwell ... Everard Wystan
Richard Hampton ... Mr. Pinhorn
Frank Mills ... Figgis 'Fig' Newton
Pauline Delaney ... Mrs Rafferty (as Pauline Delany)
Pamela Miles ... Tricia Benbow
John Bluthal ... Gaston LeBlanc
Gianpiero Porcaro ... Alberto Pasquale
Paul Bentley ... Georges Pitou
Harriette Ashcroft ... Mary Skelton
Ronnie Letham ... Ian Purvis
Terence Conoley ... Elderly Q.C.
Mary Askham ... Intense Girl
Transcript
00:00This is Rumpole à la Carte, and we're now lifted into the world of smart, perhaps rather
00:11pretentious restaurants. Rumpole and Hilda are taken there by Hilda's cousin Everard
00:19from Canada, and there's a very snippy sort of head waiter there. Of course what Rumpole
00:25wants to eat are steak and kidney pudding and mashed potatoes and boiled cabbage. Other
00:32strange things are going on in this restaurant, and perhaps the strangest is that a mouse,
00:40a live mouse, is served to Erskine Brown, who is there having dinner with a girl which
00:47he really ought not to be having dinner with.
01:17Un, deux, trois. Monsieur.
01:33So we got an injunction to stop the Great Elk Bank floating the share issue, and they
01:38had to let us take over the Winnipeg Soap Company at the bottom of the market. Cleared
01:44about four million dollars for my clients. Oh, did you hear that? You've never cleared
01:50four million dollars for your client, have you Rumpole? You should be a company lawyer,
01:55like cousin Everard. No, I think I'll stick to crime. At least it's a more honest type
01:59of robbery. Oh, nonsense. Robbery has never got us a dinner at La Maison Jean-Pierre.
02:06If cousin Everard hadn't come all the way from Saskatchewan, we'd never be here. Yes
02:11indeed, from the town of Saskatoon, Hilda. There you see, Hilda, all the way from, where?
02:17Saskatoon. Saskatoon, Hilda. Such wonderfully elegant surroundings here. Think of it, Rumpole,
02:25it takes cousin Everard from Saskatoon to introduce us to gracious living. Oh, we have
02:32several fine dining restaurants in Saskatoon now, Hilda. Andy Glue's and Eskimo's. What
02:39did you say, Rumpole? Oh, I said that's good news, heaven knows. What are you staring at,
02:44Rumpole? I thought I spotted something familiar in the twilight. Madame et Monsieur, tonight
02:54Jean-Pierre recommends for the main course, la poésie de la poitrine du canard au celery
03:00et épinard cru. Poésie, that's poetry, Rumpole. Tastes a good deal better than that
03:07word's worth of yours, I shouldn't be surprised. Tell us about it, Georges, whet our appetites.
03:12This is just a few wafer-thin slices of breast of duck, marinated in a drop or two of Armagnac,
03:18lightly grilled, and served with a celery remoulade and a few leaves of young royal spinach.
03:25A mash? A mashed sponge come with it, do they? Shhh, Rumpole. I will have the poésie,
03:35it sounds delicious. A culinary experience, Hilton. Yes, a poésie for me too, please.
03:42And for Monsieur? Oh, I'll have a poésie, poésie of steak and kidney pudding, not pie,
03:51mashed potatoes and a large scoop of boiled cabbage and mustard, please. English, if you
03:58have it. Rumpole, behave yourself. This pudding is not on our menu. Oh? Your pleasure is our
04:06delight, that's what it says. Couldn't you ask Cookie to pleasure me along those lines?
04:12Cookie? I do not know what Monsieur means by Cookie. Our maître de cuisine is Jean-Pierre
04:19O'Higgins himself. He's in the kitchen himself. How very convenient. Have a word in his shell
04:24like, why don't you? Excusez-moi, un petit instant. Merci.
04:43More salt? OK.
04:46A customer has ordered steak and kidney pudding with mashed sponge.
04:50Mashed sponge? Go on, George, you're having me on.
04:53Incroyable, mais c'est vrai. Bloody cheek. Ice-cold insolence.
04:59Gotta get some discipline into the punters.
05:03Point the little bossy out to me, I know how to deal with them.
05:11Claude, is there anything wrong? No, no, Tricia, absolutely nothing at all.
05:16What are you doing with that menu? The menu? Why? Well, not doing anything with it in particular.
05:22We have ordered hours ago. Oh no, your wife's not here, is she? I always seem to be bumping
05:30into people's wives. Philly? No, no, she's doing a spot of town planning in Cardiff.
05:35No, it's not Philly I'm worried about. Not that I'm worried about anything in particular.
05:40I say, it is fun here, isn't it? Look, Claude, I'm not just a pretty face.
05:46I have been a solicitor for five years. I do know about offenders.
05:50And you have the distinct look to me of a man who's hiding from the law.
05:54Hiding? From the law? Good heavens, no. From a lawyer, perhaps.
05:59I say, from where you're sitting, you can't see a smallish, stoutish person, can you?
06:04Next to a formidable lady. Good heavens, Claude, isn't that old Rumpole from your chambers?
06:11Is he glancing in our direction? Not at all. He seems to be congratulating the cook.
06:18Am I to understand that there are no mashed spuds for my delight?
06:23Look here, my friend, I don't know who you are. Oh, this is Horace Rumpole, the criminal lawyer.
06:30It's great to be... Criminal lawyer, eh?
06:33Well, don't come and commit your crimes in my restaurant.
06:36If you want mashed spuds, I suggest you move down to the working man's caff at the end of the street.
06:42Now, that is a very helpful suggestion. You might get a few bangers while you're about it.
06:46And a bottle of O.K. sauce. That suits your delicate palate, would it?
06:53Oh, very well indeed. I'm not a great one for wafer-thin slices of anything, really.
06:59No, you don't look it. Now, let's get this straight.
07:03People are coming to my restaurant. Damn well eat as I tell them to.
07:07And no doubt you'll win them all over with your irresistible charm.
07:11Listen to me, Miss Starr. Oh, Rumpole, he's my husband, actually.
07:16Your husband? You have all my sympathy, you unfortunate woman. Now listen to me, Mr. Rumbold.
07:23This is a gourmet restaurant. This is the Maison Jean-Pierre. I have three stars in the Michelin.
07:29I have thrown out an Arabian king because he dared to order filet mignon well-cooked.
07:34I have sent film stars away in tears because they dared to mention Thousand Island Dressing.
07:41I am Jean-Pierre O'Higgins, the greatest culinary genius now working in England.
07:49Jean-Pierre O'Higgins. Now there's a very interesting name.
07:53Your fame has spread to Saskatoon. You were featured in our Gracious Living magazine.
07:58Oh, this is true. And let me tell you, Mr. Rumbold,
08:02I started my career with salads at the Hotel du Lac in Geneva.
08:07I studied at La Grande Bouffe in Lyon under the great Ducasse.
08:11I was rotisserie in La Cree in Boston.
08:14I was rotisserie in La Cree in Boston.
08:17I have run this restaurant for 20 years and I have never, let me tell you,
08:21never in my whole career served up a mashed spud.
08:28Un, deux, trois.
08:35Please, Chicha, don't scream.
08:39I say, old darling, they have a live mouse on that table over there.
08:45Is that your speciality de la maison?
09:09I'll get you a coffee.
09:13Thanks, Mary.
09:18Chateau Duden, the Lake District's most luxurious hotel,
09:24a paradise of gracious living.
09:27Everard wants to take me up there for a brick.
09:31Chateau Duden, the Lake District's most luxurious hotel,
09:36a paradise of gracious living.
09:39Everard wants to take me up there for a brick.
09:44So listen, Duden, to the breeze that played with thy clear voice.
09:52I caught the pitful sound of wafted or sullen moss and cracking arms.
10:00How Wordsworth would have hated it.
10:05A break from what, pray?
10:08From you, Rumple. Don't you think I need it?
10:12What a disastrous evening we had when Everard took us out.
10:15Oh, really? If you think so, I rather enjoyed it.
10:18Britain's greatest cook laboured and brought forth a monstrous mouse.
10:24People have paid good money to see a trick like that.
10:27You had to disgrace me in public.
10:30Come along, my dear old thing.
10:32There's absolutely no disgrace in a good, honest and God-staken kindy put,
10:36with or without mash.
10:38You did it because you had to be a character.
10:40Had to be one all the time.
10:42Well, I don't think that I can put up with your character very much longer, Rumple.
10:47My dear old...
10:49And I have not told you an old thing.
10:52Not been told.
10:54I was. Once. Perhaps.
10:57But I am not your dear old thing any more.
11:01My dear... No.
11:03No, I shouldn't have said that. No. All right. I won't say it.
11:07But what do you mean exactly about my being a character?
11:10Well, you have to be one, don't you? All the time.
11:12With your cigar rash and your...
11:15...stetting kidney pudding and...
11:17...Pomeroy's ordinary reds and...
11:20Arguments. Always arguments. In public.
11:23Why do you have to keep on doing it, Rumple?
11:25Arguing in public has been my whole life, Hilda.
11:29Well, it's not mine. Not any more.
11:32Everard doesn't argue in public.
11:34Ha, ha! Well, now.
11:36If you're talking about a fellow that lives on...
11:38...wafer-thin slices of lightly grilled duck's breast...
11:42...together with a little raw spinach...
11:45...probably hasn't got the energy for a good argument.
11:48Thank goodness.
11:49You like that sort of thing?
11:50Well, yes, I do.
11:51That is why I've agreed to go on this trip.
11:53Trip?
11:54Yes.
11:55Everard and I are going to tour all the restaurants in England...
11:59...with rosettes, york, bar and devises.
12:03Ah, yes. Ah, yes.
12:05And what about Mrs. Everard?
12:07Left her behind in Saskatoon, has he?
12:11Everard lost his wife many years ago, Rumple.
12:15Walked out into the snow.
12:17What do you say?
12:18Can't talk. Gotta go.
12:19I've got a conference in Chambers.
12:21Yes, well, when I'm off...
12:23...you can mash all the spuds you want.
12:27My...
12:29Hilda.
12:30You're not serious about this eating jaunt, are you?
12:33You'd better hurry up, Rumple. You'll be late for your meeting.
12:35I'm sure you can't wait to argue with someone.
12:40Exit. Pursued by a mouse.
12:42Oh, it's you, Rumple.
12:44Horace...
12:49You may have noticed me the other night at La Maison Jean-Pierre.
12:53Noticed you, Claude? No, of course not.
12:55You're only in the company of a young lady who stood on a chair...
12:58...and screamed like a banshee with toothache.
13:00No one could possibly have noticed you.
13:02No, that was purely a business arrangement.
13:04A pretty rum way of doing business.
13:11The young lady was Miss Tricia Benbow...
13:14...my instructing solicitor in the V.A.T. case.
13:17Claude, I've had considerable experience in the law.
13:19If you wish to entertain solicitors...
13:21...with the object of touting for briefs...
13:24...it's not a good idea to introduce a live mouse into the plat de jour.
13:27Good heavens. You don't imagine I did that, do you?
13:30The whole thing was a disaster.
13:32An absolute tragedy which may have appalling consequences.
13:35Sir Erskine Brown.
13:37Your wife on the telephone, sir?
13:39Oh.
13:43Fiddy.
13:44How's Cardiff?
13:46No, no, I haven't been out in the evenings at all, actually.
13:49Just stayed at home and cooked myself an omelette.
13:51You know, that sort of thing.
13:52Henry.
13:53No, no, I'm not bored, no.
13:55Perfectly all right.
13:56Henry, something extremely serious has happened.
13:59Someone's nicked the nail brush out of the loo.
14:02How did you guess?
14:04Well, that corresponds to your idea of something serious, Bollard.
14:07Besides, I happen to notice these things.
14:09Odd that you should know immediately what I was talking about, Rumpole.
14:12Not guilty, my lord.
14:14Didn't your God-bothering society have a meeting here last week?
14:17The Lawyers as Christians Committee. We met here. What of it?
14:20Cleanliness is next to godliness. Isn't that their motto?
14:23To debate our notorious nail brush knickers.
14:27Think about it.
14:28Knickers?
14:29Yes.
14:32My client, Mr Rumpole, first consulted me on another matter.
14:36His marriage is on the rocks, not to put too fine a point on it.
14:39It happens, Mr Pinhorn, some marriages are sold them off them.
14:42Particularly so, as in this case, if the wife's from foreign extraction.
14:46It's long been my experience, Mr Rumpole,
14:48you can't beat foreign wives for being vengeful.
14:51In this case, extremely vengeful.
14:53Hell hath no fury, Mr Pinhorn.
14:56Exactly, Mr Rumpole.
14:57You've put your finger on the nub of the case, as is your wont, of course.
15:00Well, I haven't done a matrimonial for years.
15:02My divorce may be a little rusty.
15:04We're not asking you to do the divorce.
15:06We're sending that to Mr Tightsmith at Crown Office Row.
15:09Oh, well, jolly good luck to right little Tightsmith.
15:12The matrimonial is not my client's only problem.
15:16When troubles come, Mr Pinhorn, they come not single spies, but in battalions.
15:21Your client's got something else on his plate, has he?
15:23On his plate?
15:25That's very apt, that is.
15:27And apter than you know, Mr Rumpole.
15:29Oh, come on, Mr Pinhorn, don't keep me in suspense.
15:31Who is this mysterious client?
15:33I wasn't to divulge his name in case you should refuse to act for him.
15:37Although he's not short of money.
15:42Horace Rumpole refuse a money brief?
15:46He was afraid that you might have taken against him, so he's coming in person to appeal to you.
15:51I've asked Henry if you'd be good enough to have him shown up.
15:53Henry!
15:56Mr O'Higgins, sir.
16:03Is it Horace Rumpole?
16:07I rely on you to save me, Mr Rumpole.
16:09You're the man to do it, sir.
16:11The great criminal defender.
16:13Oh, I thought I was the criminal in your restaurant the other night.
16:19I have to tell you, Mr Rumpole, your courage took my breath away.
16:24Do you know what he did, Mr Pinhorn?
16:26Do you know what this little fellow here had the pluck to do?
16:29Only order mass spuds in La Maison Jean-Pierre.
16:33A thing no one else has dared to do in all my time as maître de cuisine.
16:38I tell you, Mr Pinhorn, quite honestly, a man who could do that to Jean-Pierre
16:43couldn't be intimidated by all the judges of the Queen's Bench.
16:50What do you say then, Mr Horace Rumpole?
16:54Will you take me on?
16:57Well, I'll have to think about that.
17:01Be honest. Is it my personality that makes you hesitate?
17:05Do you find me objectionable, Mr Rumpole?
17:08Mr O'Wiggins, I find your restaurant pretentious and your portions skimpy.
17:15Your customers regale themselves in a dim religious atmosphere
17:20more fitting to Evensong than a good night out.
17:23I find you an opinionated and self-satisfied bully.
17:31However, unlike you, I am on higher to even the most unattractive customer.
17:41Just listen to that. How's that for eloquence?
17:45I tell you, we've picked the right one here, Mr Pinhorn.
17:49You haven't done away with this vengeful wife of yours, have you?
17:52I should have long ago, but no, Simon is still alive and suing.
17:55Isn't that right, Mr Pinhorn?
17:57It is, Mr O'Wiggins. It is indeed.
17:59I received a telephone call from the Environmental Health Officer.
18:02My client is being charged with offences relating to dirty and dangerous practices at La Maison
18:07under the Food and Hygiene Regulations, 1970.
18:12Wee, sleeket, cowering, timorous beastie.
18:16The cause of panic in his breastie.
18:19The mouse.
18:21This is it, Mr Rumpole.
18:22How wonderful. We will elect for a trial by jury.
18:28At least we'll give them a few laughs, Mr Pinhorn.
18:33Even if we can't get you off, Mr O'Wiggins.
18:43Hey, that's you, spaghetti face.
18:51The commie waiter, Alberto Pasquale. He's Italian.
18:54We've got a statement from him. He saw nothing until they took off the cloche.
18:57Been with you long, has he?
18:59About a year. Works hard, wants to get on with the hotel business, make a good manager.
19:03So now, he takes the dishes out...
19:12to the station waiter.
19:14Gaston LeBlanc. He's been with me forever.
19:17Works all the hours God made.
19:20A sick wife, killed university.
19:23Does all sorts of jobs, even on his night off.
19:28He has to look under the covers to see what's what.
19:31Gaston said there were only two plates.
19:34He looked under one cloche and saw it was the gentleman's order.
19:37No side order of mouse.
19:39Exactly. So he gave the other to Alberto, who took it to the lady.
19:43And then the reputation of England's greatest metroidine cuisine crumbled to dust.
19:48Nonsense. You're forgetting the reputation of Horace Rumpole.
19:53I'd better go out and keep those lonely people company.
20:00So, what's our defense?
20:03Oh, we'll cook up something in the end.
20:08You know, it's extraordinary, Mr. Pinhorn.
20:12The power that can be wielded by one of the smaller rodents.
20:17You mean, it's wrecked the business?
20:19No, no, no. It's making Jean-Pierre O'Higgins be polite to his customers.
20:32Good morning, Mr. Rumpole.
20:34Oh, top of the morning to you, Mrs. Rafferty.
20:39Mrs. Rafferty, am I a character, in your humble opinion?
20:45Are you a what, Mr. Rumpole?
20:47A character.
20:49There was this old fellow Dalrymple we used to have in Chambers.
20:52Oh, donkey's years ago.
20:54You remember, he had an absolutely filthy flat just off Chancery Lane.
20:59He used to lead a cat around on a length of pink tape.
21:03Gentleman who dried his socks in front of his electric fire.
21:06Yes, you remember him?
21:08No.
21:10Well, everybody's very proud of old Dalrymple.
21:13Ho, ho, they say, Dalrymple, what a character.
21:16And one day, our old head of Chambers came in.
21:18He said, they've binned old Dalrymple.
21:21Caught him trying to climb into the divorce court in his pajamas.
21:24Certified insane.
21:30Am I a character, Mrs. Rafferty?
21:34Well, each to his own, Mr. Rumpole.
21:38That's what I always say.
21:42Mrs. Rafferty.
21:43Sorry, sir.
21:44What have you got in your hand?
21:45Oh, this little fella.
21:47Yes.
21:48It was lying around on the floor of the toilet, so it was.
21:51Not much of a brush.
21:52But it does the job, sir.
21:54Well, it may not be much of a brush to you, Mrs. Rafferty.
21:58But I know somebody who would be very glad of that.
22:03You want it as a gift, sir?
22:05Not exactly as a gift, Mrs. Rafferty.
22:08More of a sort of surprise.
22:10That is, if you could spare it.
22:14Well, no.
22:15You're quite a character, aren't you, Mr. Rumpole?
22:20See?
22:21You don't want to know.
22:23It's just something you don't want to hear about.
22:25It's the same with battery hens.
22:28Battery hens?
22:30Nobody wants to know, that's all.
22:35But surely, Liz, battery hens don't get lonely.
22:38Perhaps they do.
22:40There's an awful lot of loneliness about.
22:44Especially amongst old people.
23:02Rumpole!
23:03You're all alone!
23:05Oh.
23:06Well, yes, I was, yes.
23:13Don't you always have breakfast by yourself?
23:16No, it's not always possible.
23:19I'll tell you, not easy now, of course.
23:21Now?
23:22Why now, exactly?
23:23Well, now my wife's left me.
23:25Hilda?
23:27She's left you, Rumpole?
23:29Ah, yes.
23:30As you would say, Miss Brovert,
23:32she's no longer sharing a supportive relationship with me
23:36in any meaningful way.
23:39Where's she gone?
23:41Oh, she's gone off looking for gracious living
23:44with her cousin Everard from Saskatoon.
23:48The fellow has got as many jokes in him
23:50as the Dow Jones average.
23:52You mean she's gone off with another man?
23:54That's about the size of it.
23:56But, Rumpole, why?
23:58Because he is rich enough
24:00to be able to afford very small portions of food.
24:08Rumpole.
24:09Yes?
24:10You know Dave Inchcape and I have founded the YRLS,
24:13the Young Radical Lawyers?
24:15We don't only mean to agitate for law reform,
24:18although, of course, that's part of it.
24:20We want to go into community work as well.
24:22Well, we could always get someone
24:24to take a look at your front door in the mornings.
24:28My front door?
24:29Whatever for?
24:31Well, I suppose...
24:33just to count the milk bottles.
24:36Oh!
24:41Morning, Talad.
24:42You're an early bird.
24:43Eskin Brown.
24:44One doesn't like to do this, but it's the only way.
24:46I suppose you want to catch the worm.
24:48The worm?
24:49What worm?
24:50Have we a worm in chambers?
24:51What do you mean exactly?
24:52Nothing, nothing at all.
24:53Just a figure of speech.
24:55One does get so worried about standards of hygiene.
24:57You know, I'm brief in this disgusting restaurant business.
25:00Makes one think, you know.
25:01It really makes one think.
25:02Well, yes, it's been making me think, I must say.
25:04I wanted to have a word with you
25:06about that evening at the Maison Jean-Pierre.
25:08The chain. It's the only answer.
25:09It was just my terrible luck, of course,
25:11that it had to happen at my table.
25:13I mean, I'm a...
25:14well, I'm a fairly well-known member of the bar.
25:16Henry, we'll just have to find us a small padlock
25:18or some such device.
25:19Naturally, I don't want my name associated with a...
25:21well, a rather ridiculous incident.
25:22Fellas in chambers aren't going to like it.
25:24They'll say it's a restriction on their liberty.
25:26Rumpel, no doubt, will have a great deal to say,
25:28but the chain is the only answer.
25:30The what, Talad?
25:31Yes, yes.
25:32Get a new nailbrush and chain it up
25:34so that nobody can take it.
25:36Good.
25:37Can I have your support in taking stern measures?
25:39Oh, yes, Talad.
25:41I'm right behind you.
25:42Of course you can.
25:44And in this restaurant case you're doing,
25:46I don't suppose you'll need to call the couple
25:48who actually got the mouse.
25:49The couple? Yes.
25:50The mouse was served
25:52appalling lack of hygiene in a workplace
25:54to a table booked by Mr. Claude Erskine-Brown and guest.
25:58Now, of course, he'll be a vital witness.
26:02You will be a vital witness.
26:03Well, that's just it.
26:04I can't be a vital witness.
26:05There's no way I can be a witness of any sort.
26:08Why ever not?
26:09Because if I am a witness of any sort,
26:11my name will get into the papers
26:12and Philly will know I was having dinner.
26:15Why on earth shouldn't she know you were having dinner?
26:17Most people have dinner.
26:19It's nothing to be ashamed of.
26:20Get a grip on yourself, Erskine-Brown.
26:21Talad!
26:22Sam, you're a married man.
26:24You should understand these things.
26:25Of course I'm married.
26:26And Marguerite and I have dinner on a regular basis.
26:29But I wasn't having dinner with Philly.
26:31I was having dinner with an instructing solicitor.
26:34This was your guest?
26:35Yes.
26:36A solicitor?
26:37Of course.
26:38He apparently leapt onto a chair,
26:40held down his skirt and screamed three times.
26:42Ballard!
26:43The solicitor was Tricia Benbow.
26:45You don't imagine I'd spend a hundred and something quid
26:47on feeding the face of Mr. Pinhorn, do you?
26:49Patricia Benbow?
26:51Yes.
26:52Is that the blonde one who wears all the clinking bangles?
26:54That's the one.
26:56She's a woman.
26:57Yes.
26:58And your wife knew nothing of this?
27:00And must never know.
27:02Thank you, Ballard.
27:03Thanks awfully, Sam.
27:05I can count on you to keep my name out of this.
27:07I'll do the same for you, old boy.
27:09Any day of the week.
27:10That won't be necessary.
27:11No?
27:12Well, thanks anyway.
27:14It will be necessary, however,
27:15for you to give evidence for the prosecution.
27:17Sam!
27:18Don't you, Sam, me!
27:19It's all part of the same thing, isn't it?
27:21Sharp practice over the nailbrush,
27:23failure to assist the authorities
27:24in an important prosecution.
27:28You had better prepare yourself to give evidence
27:30and to be cross-examined by Rumpole for the defence.
27:32Do your duty and take the consequences.
27:35Bastard.
27:39We've thought of a wonderful way of cheering him up.
27:41You could join us.
27:43Oh, yeah?
27:44What's the idea, Miss Brabant?
27:45Well, actually, it's social work.
27:50Afternoon, all.
27:52Fig Newton.
27:54Mr. Pinhorn said Mr. Rumpole would like to tell me
27:58about a little job he'd got in mind.
28:00Yeah, take a seat, won't you, Mr. Newton?
28:02I'm expecting Mr. Rumpole back from court immediately.
28:04Blimey.
28:09He must be going out of his mind,
28:12all alone every night in that flat in Gloucester Road.
28:15Shh, listen.
28:17Hello, Rumpole.
28:18Had a good day?
28:19Oh, perfectly charming.
28:21His Honour, Judge Graves,
28:22rose from the tomb just long enough
28:24to give my client five years in chokie.
28:27Ferdinand Isaac Gerald Newton,
28:29private investigator extraordinaire.
28:31How are you, Fig?
28:32Oh, well, not so dusty.
28:34Mr. Pinhorn says you have a little job for me.
28:37Oh, yes, indeed.
28:39A word with you.
28:42There is a very posh restaurant
28:44called La Maison Jean-Pierre.
28:46You've got to take out a second mortgage to have a meal there.
28:49A couple of the waiters,
28:50I'd like to know what they do with their spare time.
28:53Gaston Leblanc.
28:56You coming to pomerise, Rumpole?
28:58Oh, no.
28:59Sorry, Dave.
29:00Duty calls me to another watering hole.
29:03And Alberto Pasquale.
29:19Get your stinking Diego hands off her.
29:21She doesn't want to know you.
29:23Mary can't stand the sight of you.
29:26Imbecile.
29:27Imbecile?
29:28Who are you calling an imbecile?
29:30Who's an imbecile?
29:31Shut up!
29:32Get out!
29:34Wonderful musk!
29:36And you behave like a bunch of lunatics!
29:38Haven't you wrecked this place enough already?
29:40Are you going to start slaughtering each other?
29:44Am I interrupting anything?
29:46Only the collapse of a great restaurant.
29:49Aren't we meeting in court, sir?
29:51Well, I had a few questions.
29:52I thought I'd call in on my way home.
29:54My wife's away at the moment.
29:56And I seem to have forgotten to get anything in for dinner.
30:01Are you hungry, Mr. Rumpole?
30:03A little terrine, Jean-Pierre.
30:09How about un petit coup de champagne?
30:12Oh, thought you'd never ask.
30:19They fight over her, Mr. Rumpole.
30:21Oh, young Mary Skelton exercises a very powerful attraction.
30:26She doesn't exactly look the type.
30:28Well, maybe she has a warm heart.
30:33Simone looked the type, as you would say.
30:35But she had a heart like iced consomme.
30:37Oh, yes, your wife. A vengeful woman, was she?
30:40Why would she be vengeful to me, Mr. Rumpole,
30:42when I am a particularly tolerant and easy-going type of individual?
30:47We're not open yet!
30:49What the hell do you think we'll be serving?
30:51High tea? Crescents?
30:55It sounds as though I've ever been a difficult man, Mr. Rumpole.
30:58Oh, no, of course not.
31:00A very parfait, gentle cook.
31:02Great artist. Needs admiration, of course.
31:04He needs almost incessant praise.
31:08And with Simone, the admiration flowed like cement, did it?
31:14Had some experience of wives, have you?
31:16Ah, lifetime's experience, you might say.
31:18Well, now you're going to have to fill all these tables
31:20to pay Simone's alimony, aren't you?
31:22No, no, no, not exactly.
31:24You see, after the divorce, she'll own half the restaurant.
31:27Ah!
31:29Now, that was not made entirely clear to me.
31:33Simone, she was the one with the business sense.
31:37Well, she's French,
31:39so she insisted on us getting married in France.
31:42Was that wrong?
31:43No, it was absolutely right, for Simone.
31:47Because they have a thing there they call community of property.
31:51I had to agree to give her half of everything if ever we broke up.
31:56Well, you know all about the law, of course.
31:59Ah, well, no, not all about it.
32:01I often think that knowledge of the law
32:03is a bit of a handicap to a barrister.
32:05You are going to get us out of this little trouble, Mr. Rumpole.
32:10The business of the mouse.
32:12Oh, the mouse.
32:14Seems to me that the mouse is the least of your worries.
32:17Oh, thank you.
32:19Thank you very much.
32:23Well, the animals will be arriving.
32:26It's almost feeding time.
32:43Simsalabim!
32:45Haruta mahruta!
32:58For oft when on my couch I lie
33:01In vacant or in pensive mood
33:04They flash upon that inward eye
33:07Which is the bliss of solitude.
33:13She's back.
33:15Ah, Hilda!
33:17Party, party, Mr. Rumpole.
33:23Surprise, party, Rumpole.
33:25Cheer you up at your break-through, missus.
33:35My wife's at a dinner at the Mansion House for South London Mayors, Mr. Rumpole.
33:39No consults allowed, thank God.
33:42Hello, Mrs. Rumpole.
33:44Is that about Henry now?
33:46No, not exactly about Henry now.
33:49Which is why we're on the loose tonight, eh?
33:51Makes you feel young again, doesn't it?
33:53Not particularly young, Henry, no.
33:56What the hell does the Lord Chancellor know about being pregnant
34:00and your boyfriend's been arrested for doing so?
34:03Very little, I should imagine, yes.
34:07That's the telephone.
34:09The police, I should wonder.
34:11I'll get it.
34:12Thank you.
34:20Thank you.
34:23Yes, officer.
34:24Oh, Hilda!
34:26Oh, hello.
34:27Members of the jury,
34:29this is a case which many of you may find most shocking.
34:32Concerning as it does...
34:35His Honour, Judge Gerald Graves.
34:38Never a friend to Rumpole.
34:40Look, he's looking at me now
34:42as though I were a porridge saucepan that hasn't been washed up properly.
34:46No doubt he lives on a diet of organic bran,
34:49ice water and colonic irrigation.
34:53The last person in the world to laugh this case out of court.
34:58Oh, well, I'll have to do my best without him.
35:01In this highly expensive,
35:03allegedly three-starred restaurant, members of the jury,
35:06the environmental health officer discovered cracked tiles,
35:10open waste bins, gravy on the ceiling...
35:13On the ceiling, Mr Bailorn?
35:15Alas, yes, my Lord.
35:16Obviously not a short-order cook.
35:19A complete absence of nail brushes in the kitchen hand basins.
35:22Oh, horror!
35:23Now, all this is bad enough,
35:25but on the night of May the 18th,
35:27a common house mouse was served up to a customer's dinner table.
35:30No doubt we're dealing here, Mr Bailorn, with a defunct mouse.
35:35Again, alas, no, my Lord.
35:37The mouse in question was alive.
35:39And kicking.
35:40Now, members of the jury,
35:42need one ask if an establishment is in breach of the food hygiene regulations
35:46if it serves up a living mouse?
35:48As proprietor of the restaurant, Mr O'Higgins is,
35:51say the prosecution, absolutely responsible.
35:54Whomsoever he seeks to blame in his employ, members of the jury,
35:58must take the consequences.
36:00I will now call my first witness.
36:02Who is this pompous imbecile?
36:04Shh! Quiet.
36:09What are your full names, sir?
36:11My Lord, may I write them down?
36:14There may be some publicity.
36:16Now, aren't you a member of the bar?
36:18Well, yes.
36:20That's nothing to be ashamed of in most cases.
36:23I think you'd better tell the jury who you are in the usual way.
36:27Claude Leonard...
36:29No, do speak up.
36:31Claude Leonard Erskine Brown.
36:34Leonard? He's not held up to that before.
36:37On May 18th, were you dining at La Maison Jean-Pierre?
36:40Well, yes.
36:41Yes, yes, I did just drop in.
36:44For dinner?
36:45Yes.
36:46In the company of a young lady named Patricia Benbow?
36:50Ah, well, now, that is...
36:53Mr. Erskine Brown, it seems a fairly simple question to answer,
36:57even for a member of the bar.
36:59I was in Mrs. Company's Benbow, my Lord.
37:02And when the main course was served, were the plates covered?
37:05Yes, they were.
37:06When the covers were lifted, what happened?
37:09A mouse ran out.
37:10Oh, do speak up.
37:11A mouse ran out, my Lord!
37:13Hickory dickory dock.
37:15Thank you, Mr. Erskine Brown.
37:17Mr. Claude!
37:20Leonard Erskine Brown.
37:23Is Miss Benbow a solicitor?
37:26Well, yes.
37:28And is your wife a well-known and highly regarded Queen's Counsel?
37:32No, Mrs. Erskine Brown has sat here as a recorder,
37:36members of the jury.
37:38I'm obliged to your Lordship.
37:40And is Miss Benbow instructed in an important and forthcoming case,
37:46that is, the Ballam minicab murder,
37:50in which she intends to instruct Mrs. Erskine Brown, QC?
37:55Aye.
37:56Is she?
37:58And were you dining with Miss Benbow
38:01in order to discuss the defence in that case,
38:05your wife being unfortunately delayed in Cardiff?
38:08Was I?
38:10Well, weren't you?
38:16Oh, yes, of course, I remember now.
38:20Yes, of course I was.
38:22I did it all to help Philly, to help my wife.
38:25Is that what you mean, my Lord?
38:27That is exactly what I mean.
38:29Thank you, Horace. Thank you very much.
38:31Mr. Brown, Pearl, when are we coming to the mouse?
38:35Oh, yes, I'm grateful to your Lordship for reminding me.
38:37Yes, what sort of an animal was it?
38:39Oh, a very small mouse indeed, hardly noticeable.
38:42A very small mouse and hardly noticeable.
38:51And you first saw it when it emerged from under the silver dish cover.
38:56You couldn't swear it got there in the kitchen?
38:59No, I couldn't.
39:01Or if it was inserted in the dining room
39:04by someone who had access to the serving table?
39:06Oh, yes, of course, Mr. Rumpole, you're perfectly right.
39:09It might have been.
39:10No, I take it you're not suggesting
39:12that this creature appeared from a dish of duck breasts
39:15by some sort of miracle, are you, Mr. Rumpole?
39:18No, my Lord, not a miracle, perhaps a trick.
39:21But isn't Mr. Ballard perfectly right?
39:24For the purposes of this offence, it doesn't matter how it got there.
39:28A properly run restaurant should not serve up a mouse for dinner.
39:33The thing speaks for itself.
39:35Oh, a talking mouse, my Lord.
39:38Mr. Rumpole, this is not a place of entertainment.
39:41You would do well to remember that this is a most serious case
39:45from your client's point of view.
39:47We will continue with it after lunch.
40:05Well, the battle continues.
40:07This has turned out to be a mysterious case, Mr. Rumpole.
40:10It's more than mysterious, Mr. Pinhorn.
40:12There is absolutely no evidence of droppings,
40:15no sign of mice in that kitchen at all.
40:17Note the mouse was put under the cupboard deliberately
40:20in order to ruin the business.
40:22Mrs. O'Higgins?
40:23Oh, no, certainly not.
40:24She'd want the place to be as prosperous as possible.
40:27She's going to get half of it.
40:31No, the guilty person is someone
40:34who wanted Simon to get as little as possible.
40:38So, what did this someone do?
40:41You tell me, Mr. Rumpole.
40:43Well, broke a few small rules to begin with,
40:46took away the nail brushes, the covers off the refuse bins,
40:49but they needed something sensational,
40:51something that would hit the headlines.
40:54Luckily, they remembered that one of the waiters
40:57had a talent for sleight of hand.
40:59He had a spare-time job producing livestock out of hats.
41:03Gaston LeBlanc?
41:05Exactly.
41:06He put the mouse under the cupboard,
41:08handed it to Alberto,
41:10who passed it on to the unfortunate Miss Benbow.
41:14Consequence, the ruin of the restaurant
41:17and a poor investment for the vengeful Simon.
41:20Whoever it was must have paid Gaston very well.
41:24Who are we talking about, Mr. Rumpole?
41:26Ah, well, now.
41:28Who had the greatest possible reason for hating Simon?
41:32Who?
41:33Who other than our client,
41:35the great Jean-Pierre Huygens himself.
41:38No! No!
41:40It's not true.
41:42Jean-Pierre knew nothing about it.
41:45It was my idea entirely.
41:48Why should she get anything out of him?
41:51Well, now, back into court.
41:53There, why don't you take a statement from Miss Mary Skelton?
41:58There.
41:59We'll call her as a witness.
42:02I'm afraid I left something here last night.
42:06Yes, I'm afraid you did. It's in there.
42:09You have what I like to call lawyers.
42:11I suppose that means you can be free and easy
42:13with other people's husbands.
42:15Well, you don't honestly imagine...
42:17Why do I have to imagine anything, do I?
42:19It seems perfectly obvious, isn't it?
42:21You don't think I fancy Rumpole, do you?
42:24Well, I don't see why not.
42:26Rumpole is a character.
42:28I don't see why not.
42:30Rumpole is a character,
42:32and some people like that sort of thing.
42:34Look, Mrs Rumpole, please, listen.
42:37Dave Hinchcape and I and a whole load of us
42:39came round to give Rumpole a party,
42:41to cheer him up because he was lonely.
42:44Well, he was missing you so terribly.
42:46He was what?
42:48Missing you. I saw him at breakfast.
42:50He looked so sad.
42:52She's left me, he said.
42:54She's gone off with her cousin Everard.
42:59He said that?
43:01He sounded absolutely broken-hearted.
43:03He saw nothing ahead, I'm sure,
43:06but a lonely old age stretching out in front of him
43:10until... until he couldn't take in the milk anymore.
43:14Well, anyone could see how much he was missing you.
43:20Oh, well...
43:22Thank you for telling me that.
43:24I rarely didn't know.
43:26Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
43:29Miss Mary Skelton, the cashier, was in love.
43:33She was in love with her boss,
43:35that larger-than-life cook and character,
43:38Jean-Pierre O'Higgins.
43:41People do many things for love.
43:44They commit suicide.
43:46They leave home.
43:48Sometimes they simply pine away.
43:50But it was for love
43:53that Miss Mary Skelton caused a live mouse
43:57to be served up in the Maison Jean-Pierre
44:00after having paid the station waiter
44:02a considerable sum to perform the trick.
44:08She, it was, who wanted to ruin the restaurant
44:11so that my client's vengeful wife, Simon,
44:15should get nothing out of it.
44:17Mr. Rumple.
44:18But my client knew nothing of this dire plot.
44:20He was entirely innocent.
44:22Mr. Rumple, if a restaurant serves unhygienic food,
44:26the proprietor is guilty in law.
44:30You are not concerned with the law, members of the jury.
44:34You are concerned with justice.
44:37That is a quite outrageous thing to say.
44:40On the admitted facts of this case,
44:42Mr. O'Higgins is clearly guilty.
44:45No British judge has the power
44:48to direct a British jury to find a defendant guilty.
44:51I warn you, Mr. Rumple,
44:52I shall tell the jury that he is guilty in law.
44:56His Honor may tell you that to his heart's content.
45:00What you do, members of the jury,
45:03is a matter between God and your consciences.
45:07Can you in all conscience find a man guilty
45:11and condemn him to ruin
45:14when he was as free of criminal intent and conspiracy
45:18as the innocent little mouse itself?
45:20Can any of you? Can you?
45:23The facts of the matter in this case
45:26are in your hands and your hands alone, members of the jury.
45:30My task is done.
45:33The future of that great maître de cuisine,
45:37Jean-Pierre O'Higgins,
45:41is in your hands and your hands alone.
45:46Mr. O'Higgins!
45:48Mr. O'Higgins!
45:51Rumple, you were brilliant.
45:53I've got a win or two left in me yet.
45:55No, no, I mean brilliant getting me off.
45:57All that nonsense about a brief for Philly.
45:59It was not nonsense, Leonard.
46:01Claude. Claude.
46:02I rang Miss Benbow.
46:03She is indeed going to brief Philly
46:05with about a minicab murder.
46:06Are you suggesting Rumple would proceed to court?
46:08Oh, am I getting a brief too?
46:10No, she's not.
46:12Oh, well, thanks anyway, Rumple,
46:13for getting me out of a scrape.
46:15Think nothing of it.
46:16Oh, dear, my life is devoted
46:18to assisting the criminal classes.
46:22I say, Rumple,
46:23this is the Q.C.'s writing room, innit?
46:25Of course, yes. Holy ground, yes.
46:27Oh, I promised to give a pen back to Ballard.
46:30Which is his locker, please?
46:32Over there, by the window.
46:33Thank you.
46:36There is nothing else for it, Rumple.
46:38I shall chain up and...
46:41ALFRED REDEE
46:435th year of primary school.
46:45There is nothing else for it, Rumple.
46:47I shall chain up and...
46:49ALFREDE REDEE
46:515th year of primary school.
46:53Yes, yes, yes, yes.
46:55I shall chain up and wait.
46:57Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
47:00I shall chain up and wait.
47:02There is nothing else for it Rumpel. I shall chain up the next one.
47:06Chain it up?
47:08Oh come on Pollard.
47:10Isn't that a bit drastic?
47:12If fellows and ladies in chambers cannot be trusted I am left with absolutely no alternative.
47:17Um no I hate to have to do this but tomorrow Henry is being sent out for a chain.
47:22Yeah just hang on to that for a minute will you?
47:25Could you let me have 25 pence for the evening standard? Another restaurant may be in trouble.
47:30Why are you never provided with money?
47:34Well here...
47:36That's our old mailbox.
47:38Oh.
47:39I'd recognize it anywhere but it's black.
47:41What have you been doing? Cleaning your shoes with it?
47:43Well of course not.
47:45How did it get in here?
47:47All evidence gets in anywhere I look.
47:49Just like mice.
47:52Cousin never out about is he?
47:54He had to go back to Saskatoon.
47:56Ah.
47:58You knew I'd be back didn't you Rumpole?
48:00Well I had hoped.
48:02You couldn't manage without me could you?
48:06Well I had a bit of a stab at it.
48:08That nice Liz Probert said that you missed me dreadfully.
48:12Hilda of course I missed you.
48:14A night without a boss.
48:16What did you say?
48:18I said you were a frightful lot.
48:20And she said that you were terribly lonely.
48:22I must say...
48:24I was glad to hear that Rumpole.
48:27Because you don't very often say much about your feelings.
48:31Words don't come very easily to me Hilda.
48:33Well...
48:35now that you are so pleased to see me back...
48:39why don't you take me out for a little celebration?
48:41I've become quite accustomed to dining à la carte.
48:43Ha!
48:45That's a...
48:47very good idea.
48:49I think I know a little place where we can get it on the house.
48:57Thank you.
49:07Un, deux, trois.
49:09Steak and kidney pudding.
49:11Oh George!
49:13Thank you so much.
49:21Bon appétit.
49:27I suppose that's why I enjoy your company Rumpole.
49:30Oh Hilda.
49:32Because you are a character.
49:34And you need me...
49:36to turn you off when you go too far.
49:38Hilda...
49:40I've got what I want at last.
49:42Mashed spud.
49:56Thank you.
51:26You