Hyacinth has bought Richard skis for his birthday because they "will look good on the car". Needing Violet and Bruce's roof-rack, the Buckets head off to Violet's luxury home, picking up two neighbours along the way and arriving to find Violet and Bruce arguing.
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00:30I wish you'd smile more when you're gardening, Richard.
00:59If I do that, they're going to lock me away.
01:03Try to look as though you're enjoying it, dear.
01:06I don't particularly enjoy it.
01:08It's just something that has to be done.
01:10Well, that's how it appears.
01:12The garden looks well enough.
01:16Oh, it's not the garden, dear.
01:19It's you.
01:21You look as though you're not enjoying doing it.
01:24Which gives the impression that we can't afford a gardener.
01:28We can't afford a gardener.
01:30Shh, Richard. Keep your voice down, dear.
01:33If we can't afford a gardener,
01:36that's all the more reason why we should look as though we can afford a gardener.
01:44In future, could you look like someone who enjoys doing his own gardening,
01:50but could afford a gardener if he wanted to?
01:55Oh, I do believe that's the Carradines.
02:04It was. It was the Carradines.
02:07She used to be Baxter's biscuits, you remember.
02:11I remember.
02:13Oh!
02:15Oh!
02:17Unmannerly oaf.
02:19Sheridan would be furious if he knew that strangers were honking at his mummy.
02:28Do you think there's life after death?
02:32I hope so. There's not that much before.
02:43I'm just getting me second wind.
02:47And all this loving your neighbours stuff.
02:49I mean, just look at the sort of neighbours we've got.
02:53I mean, anybody who lives next door to us is hardly the kind of neighbour that you can go about loving.
03:00Mind, if I lived with our Ayersynth, her neighbour's terrific.
03:05Emmet.
03:06Does she?
03:08If anybody's loved their neighbours, you have.
03:12I bet nobody's cast a wider net.
03:15What's brought all this on our roads?
03:17I met this, this born-again Christian.
03:20Where?
03:21In the pub.
03:25Must have been his night off.
03:34What are you doing?
03:36I'm just emptying the pedal bin, dear.
03:40I've done that.
03:42Oh, yes, so you have. Silly me.
03:46Anyway, I'm just coming.
03:54What are you doing now?
04:03Are you in a draft, dear?
04:05No, but what are you doing?
04:07When you're retired, you have to be particularly careful about being in drafts.
04:19Just checking the letterbox to make sure we haven't received any more leaflets about cheap double glazing.
04:47No, there aren't any leaflets.
04:51I'm so excited.
04:54I'm as excited as if it were my birthday tomorrow.
04:58Are you looking forward to your present?
05:00Are you excited, dear? You don't look it.
05:04I will not have you not excited, Richard.
05:09Well, I usually get slippers.
05:13I mean, nobody likes slippers more than I do,
05:16but they're not an item about which you get really excited,
05:20so if you don't mind, I'll wait until tomorrow to get excited.
05:25As you please.
05:28Oh, it's very late. Is that an emergency?
05:33The Bequet residence, the lady of the house speaking.
05:37Look, if this is an emergency, please say it's not Sheridan.
05:42Oh, it's you, Rose, yes.
05:45Do I believe in what, dear?
05:48Well, of course I believe there's life after death.
05:52Richard and I will be an entity for eternity.
06:02Where are you on life after death?
06:10I'm an optimistic don't-know.
06:14If there is an afterlife, do you think we'll be slimmer?
06:22I expect so. I don't suppose they'll do as many chips.
06:27Maybe they'll let us send out for some chips.
06:30Oh, I could just fancy some chips.
06:34Our eyesynth doesn't think it's a good idea that I talk to the vicar.
06:38I bet the vicar's wife doesn't think it's a good idea.
06:42You only want to talk to him because he's a dishy vicar.
06:46Listen, if I'm going to go religious, I might as well go first class.
06:50Here, Rose, are you feeling Christian enough to do us all a few chips?
06:55Bog off, Onslow.
06:58Oh, nice.
07:00Born-again bone idol.
07:06Richard, just stand there, dear, and keep your eyes tightly closed.
07:11We don't usually have all this fuss. Normally you'd just give me the slippers.
07:17Now you keep them closed. I'll be with you in a minute.
07:22Keep them closed.
07:25You can open them now.
07:35Happy birthday, Richard.
07:37What is it?
07:39It's in drainpipe. You bought me a drainpipe.
07:44Well, go on, open it. Open it.
07:48Oh, come on. We ought to wish Richard a happy birthday.
07:52I do wish Richard a happy birthday, Liz.
07:55If anyone ever needed a happy birthday, it is Richard.
08:00Well then, come on.
08:06Emmett, you can't stay hiding indoors forever.
08:10Do you know you're getting prison pallor?
08:18I'll catch him when he's alone.
08:20When is Richard ever alone?
08:22Precisely, Liz.
08:25Maybe I could sneak him off for a quiet drink somewhere.
08:28Give the poor devil a break.
08:30I'm sure he'd enjoy that.
08:33The trick is trying to get him free from the clutches of the creature from the black lagoon.
08:41Frankenstein created a monster and it sings.
08:47Look, take the bull by the horns.
08:49Just say to Hyacinth, I'm going to take Richard out for a birthday drink.
08:54You want me to take her by the horns?
08:58What kind of advice is that?
09:12Skis?
09:15All the best people have them.
09:17What am I going to do with skis?
09:21I thought they'd look well on the car, dear.
09:28You can take them for a drive occasionally.
09:34The Carradines, they have skis on their car.
09:38Oh, did they? What a coincidence.
09:42You're the wrong age for skis.
09:44Nonsense, you're never too old to put skis on your car.
09:49It seems a bit odd buying skis not to ski.
09:52Oh, Richard, you don't imagine everyone who has skis on his car actually skis.
09:58Good heavens, no.
10:02I mean, you don't expect everyone with a feather in his hat to be a partridge.
10:09How am I going to get them on the car?
10:12It means I'll have to buy one of those rack things.
10:15No, no, no, you can borrow Violet's and Bruce's.
10:19They used to ski.
10:21Then why didn't you borrow Violet and Bruce's skis?
10:25Richard, I will not have you going about with shabby substandard borrowed skis.
10:31No, you can take your new skis to Violet's and then we'll borrow their rack.
10:37No, I can leave the skis here and just go and get their rack.
10:41The people in Bruce's area won't see you with your new skis.
10:45Only a second-hand rack.
10:49Please leave the planning to me, Richard.
10:53That'll be someone important.
10:58The Buckeye residence, the lady of the house speaking.
11:02Oh, hello, Rose. Yes.
11:05Why do you want the vicar's telephone number, dear?
11:09What sort of questions?
11:12Oh, I don't think you can ask the vicar a question like that, Rose.
11:16Well, yes, I'm sure that he'd see you privately if you insist.
11:21You'd have to go to the vicarage.
11:25What makes you think the vicarage will be unfriendly, dear?
11:29Well, yes, of course, I suppose his wife will be there.
11:33What sort of a personal chat is it you want with this vicar?
11:37Look, Rose, if you need somewhere private, bring him here.
11:42Then I can keep an eye on you and Richard can show him his skis.
12:01Happy birthday, Richard.
12:03Thank you, Emmett.
12:05Are you going skiing?
12:07I'm going to assist a Violet, actually.
12:10Didn't know they lived that far north.
12:17Oh, hello, Emmett.
12:20How are you?
12:22I was feeling quite well, thank you, Hyacinth.
12:25We're just off to assist a Violet.
12:27You know, the one with the Mercedes, the sauna and room for a pony.
12:32Richard, please be more careful.
12:36I think that's the highest note you've reached in quite a while.
12:42Mind what you're doing with those skis.
12:45There's more ski than car.
12:48Oh, they'll be fine once we've borrowed Bruce's rack.
12:54What do you wear for a vicar?
12:58Whatever it is, you won't have that kind of stuff.
13:04How about a dishy vicar?
13:07Behave yourself, Rose.
13:09You're supposed to be interested in life after death, not before.
13:13Did you shuffle these cards?
13:15I'm a good shuffler.
13:17That's in bed.
13:20How would you know? You're never awake.
13:24That's what I miss, a little companionship in my lonely bed.
13:28No wonder yours is a lonely bed. You're always in somebody else's.
13:34Well, it's just a desperate search for happiness.
13:38Why do you give me cards like this?
13:41It's such a relief to see you're getting worked up about something.
13:45Just play the cards.
13:47Oh, I love it when he orders me to do things.
13:54Oh.
14:05I'll never be able to drive.
14:08Oh, do stop making difficulties, Richard.
14:11We make difficulties.
14:13You're never going to get the hang of skis if you don't practice with them.
14:19Oh, Richard, just leave off my hat.
14:22It's difficult enough making room for your hat, never mind skis.
14:28I want you to start being at ease with skis, Richard.
14:33I wish you'd bought me slippers. I'm at ease with slippers.
14:37I really thought you'd take to all this much quicker, Richard.
14:41You're quite good with snowballs and Christmassy things.
14:45There's more to this than just enjoying a mince pie.
14:53When we get to Violet's, don't park the car next to the Mercedes, Richard.
14:59I always think our car looks better not parked next to a Mercedes.
15:06Oh, look. Isn't that the two Miss Pillsworths?
15:10Yes, it is. Stop the car, Richard.
15:15We'll give them a lift.
15:17I suppose they don't want a lift.
15:20You remember their father.
15:22There's not room for him as well.
15:25No, their father was Colonel Pillsworth, a very old family.
15:50I tried to persuade them to come to one of my candlelight suppers,
15:53but apparently the elder Miss Pillsworth is allergic to naked flame.
15:57Oh, you are.
15:59I promised you'd extinguish her straight away.
16:03Oh, Lord, it's the candlelight queen.
16:07They must be drawing us together. Do let us give you a lift.
16:11What does she say?
16:13She wants to give us a lift.
16:15Are you sure there'll be room?
16:18You must make room, Richard.
16:20Why should we give her a lift?
16:24Pay attention.
16:26I will not stand to attention.
16:30Who does she think she is?
16:32Come along, ladies.
16:34Oh, excuse me. Would you like to come round the other side?
16:37I think you know Richard.
16:39How are you, Richard?
16:41How long have you driven for this woman?
16:43Don't know how you can stand it.
16:49Are you expecting snow?
16:54Richard seldom goes far without his skis.
16:57He likes to be ready for the first flakes.
17:00I'm just a beginner.
17:03Can't get any thinner.
17:06Here we are.
17:09The iron strain is too much for my suspender.
17:15Oh, perhaps some other time, Mrs. Bucket.
17:19It's because I'm a woman.
17:22I'm a woman.
17:24I'm a woman.
17:26I'm a woman.
17:28I'm a woman.
17:30I'm a woman.
17:32I'm a woman.
17:34I'm a woman.
17:36Richard.
17:38It's bouquet.
17:40It's not okay, Peggy.
17:44Crescent, I don't think this is going to work.
17:48Where there's a will, Richard.
17:55Excuse me.
17:58You must let me call with the recipe
18:01and a jar of my delicious gentleman's relish.
18:04I have an extensive repertoire of tidbits
18:08for the executive palette.
18:10Like a rhinestone cowboy
18:13Making out on a horse at the Star Spangled Rodeo
18:17Like a rhinestone cowboy
18:20You're in a good mood. Why not?
18:23Thank you. It's been almost like a holiday.
18:26A little holiday.
18:28An entire week without a bucket.
18:30A bucket?
18:32The dreaded bucket.
18:34Oh, that one.
18:36Yes, oh, that one.
18:38It's too good to last, of course,
18:40but it's been refreshing.
18:42Which is more than I can say with this tea.
18:45I know, isn't it awful?
18:46Well, why do we buy it?
18:47We don't.
18:48The lady's circle gets it for us at a discount.
18:51Oh, isn't that marvellous.
18:53To realise that in the eyes of my flock
18:55I'm associated with the utmost in economy.
18:57I think they only keep a vicar
18:59because we're cheaper than most domestic animals.
19:01They like you.
19:02Not judging by this tea, they don't.
19:13We'll just pop in for a minute to my sister Violet's.
19:16Violet's? I suspected as much.
19:20And then we'll take you to where you were going.
19:23Oh, we would have been there by now.
19:25You'll like my sister Violet,
19:27and he's very well known in racing circles.
19:30Violet once had tea with the wife of the Postmaster General.
19:35She still has the plastic spoon.
19:53You shithead!
19:56Reverse, Richard.
19:58Back out now, Richard.
20:00Wasn't that your Violet pouring?
20:03Take the two Miss Pillsworths and show them the beauties of the area.
20:09It's a very, very nice residential area.
20:14Do enjoy the trip, Miss Pillsworths,
20:17and do take note of the gay colours
20:19of the more upmarket security systems.
20:22That person was pouring water.
20:25Yes, and did you notice the lovely glass?
20:28My sister has the most superior glassware.
20:31This one, some of it most tastefully engraved
20:34with a list of injured jockeys.
20:36Off you go, Richard.
20:38Now.
20:40And leave them at a bus stop, dear.
20:44Are we being kidnapped?
20:47Will she want a ransom?
20:49Can we afford a ransom?
20:55Why can't she walk to the vicarage?
20:57Oh, for goodness' sake.
20:59She'll be fine.
21:01She'll be fine.
21:03She'll be fine.
21:05Oh, for goodness' sake, you can give the woman a lift.
21:08We were going that way anyway.
21:10Who was?
21:12I was.
21:14To the library.
21:16I'm just a plaything in the hands of you females.
21:20Can I have that in writing?
21:24I'm not a toy, Daze.
21:26You've got to stop thinking of me as just a sexual object.
21:30I'm not just here for your amusement.
21:33Oh, come on.
21:35You're here partially for my amusement.
21:38You can't find everything in the library.
21:43We need a new car.
21:45You should spend more time with me.
21:48My engine's still running.
21:51Take it.
21:58You want skiing things when my heart is broken?
22:01Take it.
22:03Please don't exaggerate, Violet.
22:06Your heart is not broken.
22:11Hearts are seldom broken in good residential areas.
22:15You said ski, right?
22:17Take it.
22:21That's very kind of you, dear.
22:23We'll take good care of it.
22:25How can you think of skiing when my life's in tatters?
22:30Not tatters, Violet.
22:33Not in an area with a postal code of this calibre.
22:36I'm leaving him.
22:38I'm leaving Bruce.
22:41Get the rack on, Richard.
22:51You cannot idly abandon marriage, Violet.
22:55He prefers horses.
22:59Some things go too deep to be destroyed, dear.
23:03We all need things to cling to.
23:06I think he even prefers jockeys.
23:12Don't do anything hastily in anger, dear.
23:15Think of the loneliness, Violet.
23:18You cannot walk out on anything as solid and sober and respectable as your own Mercedes.
23:26Please talk to someone, dear.
23:35I want to talk to a vicar.
23:38Well, I can arrange that, dear.
23:40Yes, I'm sure you can save your marriage, Violet.
23:44Perhaps if you dressed a little more like a jockey.
23:50Now drive quickly, Richard.
23:53We must get Violet to the vicar before she does something uneconomic.
23:57Stop!
24:03Now look what you've done.
24:05You told me to stop.
24:07I didn't tell you to throw your birthday present under a passing car.
24:12Why did you say stop?
24:14You've forgotten Violet.
24:19But she was in the back.
24:21I mean, she was in the back.
24:24You gather up your skis, dear, and I'll go and locate Violet.
24:29You don't need those yet.
24:44How come we're doing all this and you're sitting there?
24:50I'm sorry, dear.
24:53How come we're doing all this and you're sitting there?
24:58Listen, that's what marriage is about.
25:01Doing things together.
25:03I think he should start a motor.
25:06That's always been my impression.
25:11You've got to learn to do these things.
25:13What are you going to do when I'm not here?
25:15The same as we've done when you've been here.
25:18Do it ourselves.
25:23Look at me.
25:25I'm as helpless as a kitten.
25:28I think you're about to have a visitor.
25:30It's what I'm here for.
25:31I'm glad you feel like that.
25:33It's a nuisance, of course, but first things first.
25:35Must have one's priorities.
25:37Duty calls.
25:39You know, my job is not without its satisfactions.
25:43People come in dismay and despair.
25:46And sometimes you can help.
25:48This one really needs help.
25:50Well, I'll certainly do my best.
25:52It's a bucket, woman.
25:54China I've got a way.
25:56To China.
25:57What part of China?
25:58What the devil does it matter what part of China?
26:01It'll matter to her.
26:02She'll only be impressed if it's a smart part.
26:05Oh, come on, Michael.
26:07OK, I'll come and see her.
26:10She is a brave chap.
26:12Good luck.
26:15I've changed my mind.
26:18I've changed my mind.
26:20I don't want to see the vicar.
26:22It won't help.
26:24Now, come along, Violet.
26:26Pull yourself together.
26:28I don't want to look like a jockey for him.
26:31The next thing you know, he'll have me jumping over fences.
26:36I want to divorce him.
26:40You are not going to divorce him.
26:43Oh, look.
26:44There's a squirrel.
26:49Morning, vicar.
26:50Good morning.
26:51Oh, hello, vicar.
26:53I don't think you've met my sister, Violet.
26:55She's the one with the Mercedes sauna and room for a pony.
27:13Wasn't that our Violet?
27:15Yes.
27:19Wasn't that our Hassan?
27:21Wasn't that...
27:22Yes!
27:24Don't you sometimes wonder at the activities of the posher classes?
27:49That woman's relentless.
27:52She's still chasing people to offer them lifts.
28:08Richard, follow that sister.
28:18Richard, follow that sister.
28:48Richard, follow that sister.
28:52Richard, follow that sister.