Allsorts (1989)
Transcript
00:00Head balloon in a grumpy voice. You just watch what you're doing. You'll probably fly into an aeroplane or something.
00:09Sky's full of everything it shouldn't be these days. Planes, gliders, escape budgies. Get so a balloon can't go for a decent float.
00:18Don't be grumpy. Today's a day to be enjoyed. Let's get bigger so we can go higher.
00:27Race up to those chimney pots. I don't know. Always in a hurry.
00:35Nothing new to see when you get here. And the smoke from these chimneys is disgusting.
00:44Boy, where are you off to now? I'm going to float up among the clouds higher and higher. You can see for miles.
00:52Oh, that's right. Float off and leave me. Typical of young balloons today.
00:57Oi, you just watch yourself up there. Stop puffing yourself up like that.
01:03Look how big I am. You're getting too big. I've got to go higher.
01:09I'm warning you. You'll pop. Gah.
01:14I warned him. I told him. But would he listen?
01:20Blow a balloon up too high and you'll hear the air pop.
01:24Almost as bad as losing too much air. Then you'll hear it hiss down.
01:29Can't expect to keep afloat. Poor old red balloon.
01:49Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.
02:19Hello, good afternoon, and welcome to the Grand Allsorts Blow Football Final, which is taking place this afternoon, on the tabletop here.
02:45table top here. The pitch is looking very smooth in very good form. And at the ends
02:51we have two goals, one at either end, made out of small cardboard boxes. We have tea
02:56towels all around the outside of the table to prevent the ball falling off. Each player
03:01plays with two straws. They blow air down the straws at this ping pong ball and attempt
03:07to get the ball into the goals. Well, we're looking forward to plenty of action, thrills
03:11and spills and loads of goals this afternoon. Without more ado, let's meet the two teams.
03:15And we have Virginia with the Puff Puff Panthers. And Bonzo with the Windy Wanderers. Oh, my
03:22word, they're looking in fine form. And as the teams make their way down through the
03:27tunnel, the crowd greets them with a tremendous reception there. They're both looking fit
03:32and well. Shaking hands now. A good sportsman-like gesture. Excellent. Well now, the referee
03:38is reaching Eddie's pocket for the coin. Tossing up. And Bonzo? On the head. Hence
03:44it is. So Bonzo with the Windy Wanderers will blow off. After the whistle. Oh, as the tussle
03:55going on in midfield. The tea towels hitting the ball. Oh, it hit the woodwork. Very close.
04:04Oh, off she goes. Off she goes. And it's in the net. That was a goal by the Puff Puff
04:14Panthers. Well done, Puff Puffs. Excellent goal there. Cheers, John, cheers. It's Bonzo's
04:19kick-off after the whistle. Yes! Oh, my word, did you see that? An equalizer straight from
04:29the kick-off. One goal apiece. And so it's now Virginia with the Puff Puff Panthers to
04:34blow off. Ah. Oh, now, that's an interesting move. And the two teams, they still seem to
04:46have plenty of puff left in them. And, oh, it's hit the woodwork, my word. Oh! And the
04:53Puff Puff Panthers stamping their authority all over the pitch. And it's in the net. Oh,
04:59well done, Virginia. So that's 2-1 to the Puff Puff Panthers. Half time? Just time to
05:06blow off once more. Off you go then, Bonzo. Yes! So, we very quickly got to try and play
05:14for the winner. Right. Off we go with the Virginia playoff. Oh, it's not in. It hasn't
05:21quite gone in, actually. It's there now, though. It's there. That was the winner. My word,
05:26what an exciting game. Virginia with the Puff Puff Panthers was the winner. Three goals
05:31to two. Virginia, do you have any after-match comments? No, she's out of puff. How about
05:37Bonzo? And he's pretty puffed out as well. Well, it's me, to you, signing off after this
05:45grand all-sorts final. Plenty of action, plenty of thrills and spells, and the Puff Puff Panthers
05:49just straight in. Three goals to two. Bye-bye.