An agoraphobic, schizophrenic consults his three delusions, Mary Mother of Jesus, Einstein, and a vampire for love advic | dG1fdERvbFM0Znptckk
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00:00So, uh, you taking your medication?
00:04Yeah.
00:05Having any visions?
00:07Any hallucinations or delusions?
00:19Alright, you know what? Forget it. Never mind.
00:22Um, certain things in life are worth that extra dollar, okay?
00:25Namely things that, you know, rub up against my privates.
00:28Yeah!
00:31I'm not going outside today, alright?
00:33Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
00:35So drop it.
00:36Hey, where are you going?
00:37The doctor's trying to help.
00:39Do you even know what the definition of help is?
00:41Yeah, to be of service or to improve the condition of someone or...
00:46I know what the definition is, thank you. I was trying to make a point.
00:49He's the reason I failed physics senior year.
00:52It's my fault now, of course.
00:54Well, it certainly wasn't my fault.
01:00Okay, let's talk about the girl.
01:02Okay.
01:06She's... she's perfect.
01:07She's got the trifecta.
01:08Cute, sexy, beautiful, all-in-one.
01:10The bouncy girl in drab out there is just like one of us.
01:15No, come on, bro.
01:16She's gotta be real.
01:17She'd be real to me.
01:18I think we are perhaps the least qualified people to be asking this question.
01:22She's coming at nine?
01:23Is that right?
01:24What's the game plan for the night?
01:25You're gonna close that case.
01:26First bid.
01:27Put nothing there.
01:28Out of the friend zone.
01:31Connor, we're just friends, right?
01:35Friend zone? Seriously?
01:41Why'd you come over here in the first place?
01:44I'm a sucker for adventure.
01:46Adventure? What, go mess with the weird kid? I'm some adventure?
01:49Hey!
01:50Haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying?
01:54I am the weird kid.
01:57You're a lot of things.
01:58Weird is not one of them.
02:04I am a liar, Connor.
02:07Leave.
02:08No, I care about you.
02:09You're messing things up. You need to leave.
02:11I'm not going anywhere.
02:28I'm not going anywhere.
02:51You got any protection?
02:52What, like condoms?
02:54Oh, condoms are the worst.
02:56It's like taking a bath with your socks on.