WHEN Sam started dating Conor in 2020, she was up front about the fact that she's asexual. Speaking to Love Don't Judge, Sam explained: "I don't have any sexual attraction. I still have romantic attraction, but sex is off the table for us. It's not something that's really in our relationship." Speaking about Sam's revelation, Conor remarked: "I was definitely confused at first, it was definitely a journey on educating myself." Giving an insight into how their intimate life looks, Conor admitted: "I would say our intimate sex life is definitely not what society deems as normal," with Sam, agreeing: "Third base is the line with us, that's fine." The pair proudly share their relationship online, but it's not always met positively. Sam said: "I do get a little bit of hate. I get things like, 'So you're a robot' and 'Being with you must be torture'." The couple's friend, Cameron, has also expressed puzzlement in the past, explaining: "I was confused, I didn't know what it was. I was still learning about that stuff and didn't know how you could do that." Remaining unfazed by the judgement, Sam said: "People who judge our relationship need to open their mind a little bit more. Things can be different and the love is still evergrowing."
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00:00This is Sam. She fell in love with Connor.
00:05I'm asexual.
00:06I don't have any sexual attraction.
00:08I can live without it.
00:09And because their intimate life is unconventional,
00:12the pair have received backlash online.
00:15They think I'm going to cheat on Sam because I'm a man
00:18and men need sex and men need sex constantly.
00:21Asexuals will be the downfall of civilisation.
00:24The chance of you guys growing old and staying faithful
00:26is almost zero.
00:27Being with you must be torture.
00:29What's the point of being with you then?
00:31I am Connor.
00:32This is my girlfriend, Sam, who is asexual.
00:36I don't have any sexual attraction.
00:38I still have romantic attraction,
00:39but, you know, sex is just off the table for us.
00:42It's not something that's really in our relationships.
00:45I realised I was asexual in middle school,
00:48so probably like seventh grade.
00:49And I know that's early on and like not everybody knows,
00:52but it just stuck.
00:52You know, now I'm 22, I'm still asexual.
00:55It was right at the beginning of COVID.
00:57Lockdown everywhere.
00:58Yeah, so everybody was lonely.
01:00We had a mutual friend and she was like,
01:03oh, do you want to like come hang out and do a trunk party?
01:06And like a trunk party was when like
01:07everyone would be social distance
01:08and like all the cars would be in a circle.
01:10Empty parking lot.
01:11Yeah, so we all sit in our trunks and like talk.
01:13That's where we met each other.
01:14We met from a distance.
01:16Within the first couple of times we saw each other,
01:17I was like, oh, well, she's very beautiful.
01:20I definitely had an interest in you.
01:22We kind of had a similar group of friends at the time,
01:24so we just kept hanging out.
01:25I was attracted to him.
01:26Honestly, after he kind of made it obvious,
01:29I feel like I'm a very like free person.
01:32I'd say I'm like unique, open-minded.
01:34He caught on to that very quickly.
01:35Definitely.
01:36I told him right when I felt like
01:39we were going to actually be together.
01:41I wanted to make sure he knew that
01:42so he wasn't jumping into anything
01:43that he didn't want to be in.
01:44I was definitely confused at first.
01:47It was definitely a journey on just kind of educating myself.
01:51I wasn't really nervous because I've always just been
01:55like blatantly open with who I am.
01:56And if that's not for somebody,
01:58then they're not supposed to be in my life.
02:00I would say our intimacy and sex life
02:02is definitely not what society deems as normal.
02:05Not routine.
02:06No.
02:07There'll be times when we are physically intimate
02:10and that's-
02:11Third base.
02:12Yeah.
02:13Third base is like the line, I feel like, with us.
02:17Like that's like, that's like fine, I guess.
02:20We've been together for four years.
02:21We've tried whatever.
02:23Experimented.
02:24It works for us.
02:25You know, I'm not pushing my boundaries.
02:26He's not pushing my boundaries.
02:28It's not the forefront of our relationship.
02:30It's nowhere near a priority.
02:31It's just brings us closer.
02:33It's what he feels is right in the relationship
02:35and I'm okay with that.
02:36You know, not every asexual is going to do that
02:38and that's okay.
02:39But usually it's very rare, once in a blue moon.
02:42You don't do it because you are driven by a sexual desire.
02:47I can live without it like for the rest of my life.
02:49Exactly.
02:49Yes.
02:50I definitely feel like there's a societal pressure
02:52to be sexual in a relationship.
02:55Like people think that they can fix you
02:55or like they'll still get with you
02:57thinking there's some other potential with you.
02:59I mean, there's definitely a lot of societal pressure
03:02through media.
03:03I mean, the industry for one of them.
03:06That was something that I struggled with a lot.
03:09I knew a lot of people around me struggled with a lot.
03:12If you're consuming that so much,
03:13you begin to think that, oh, this is what a relationship is.
03:17This is how sex is supposed to be.
03:19And you know, this is what love is.
03:21When in reality,
03:22that couldn't really be farther from the truth.
03:24Being able to learn that I'm not dependent on that
03:27and not needing that.
03:28Sex does not mean your relationship.
03:30The amount of sex you have does not equate
03:32to how much I'm in love with my partner.
03:34We've gotten comments and people saying to us,
03:37they think I'm gonna cheat on Sam
03:39because I'm a man and men need sex
03:42and men need sex constantly.
03:44I didn't go in depth about our relationship
03:46on TikTok or anything until I made that video
03:49like not that long ago
03:50with the Barbie sound.
03:52He's like, I thought I made so over tonight.
03:53And the Barbie's like, to do what?
03:55And there's just like crickets.
03:56There's like crickets, crickets,
03:57and he's like, I'm actually not sure.
03:58Yeah, cause it was like a play on how they like,
04:01they don't have sex.
04:02So I'm like, oh, well that's perfect.
04:04I do get a little bit of hate online sometimes
04:06when I do happen to talk about it.
04:08So I get things like, so you're a robot.
04:10Asexuals will be the downfall of civilization
04:13or wait until she finds a guy with a big.
04:15Implying that like, I'm not adequate enough for you
04:19even though you don't.
04:19Yeah, or that my asexuality is invalid
04:22and it's going to change, which it's not.
04:24The chance of you guys growing old
04:25and staying faithful is almost zero.
04:27Being with you must be torture.
04:29Asexuals must live very sad, unfulfilling lives.
04:32What's the point of being with you then?
04:34That's just sad that they think that sex
04:37is the only thing that matters
04:39when being with someone or being in a relationship.
04:41Or a comment like, what's the point in being with you?
04:43Yeah, just because they can't picture their lives
04:46without sex must mean mine's so horrible
04:48or his relationship is so unfulfilling.
04:51I'd say it's definitely made us stronger
04:52because we just keep on, we're living our lives.
04:55I love you, you love me.
04:56And what we do is amazing and beautiful
04:58and that's just how I like it.
05:02Our friend Cam will be coming over
05:03to reveal what he really thinks about our relationship.
05:07Fifth grade, I met Connor, who is like my really good friend
05:10and then he and I went to different middle schools
05:12and in that middle school I met Sam
05:13and then Sam became my best friend.
05:15Probably around junior year of high school
05:17I find out they're dating.
05:18That's kind of weird, but you know,
05:19it's like the coincidence of the world.
05:21What did you think when I first revealed I was asexual?
05:24Um, I was confused because I didn't know what it was
05:27and at the time I was, I guess I was still learning
05:29all that stuff.
05:30I was like, oh, now you can do that.
05:33I understand it more so now
05:34because it's been however many years.
05:37It's almost like there's like a taboo around it.
05:39Around everything that's like not,
05:42that fits the norm of society.
05:43That's not mainstream, I guess.
05:44Yeah.
05:45You ever struggle with Sam's sexuality, Connor?
05:48It's never really been a challenge to me.
05:50It's just been different.
05:52It's been different than previous relationships of mine.
05:55I mean, I just think the main misconception is that
05:58like you can't have a happy, healthy relationship
06:00without sex, but I feel like we've disproven that.
06:03Sex to a lot of people is a big thing,
06:06but I mean, it's not everything for everyone, you know?
06:08So it's like everyone has their own ideals
06:10in a relationship.
06:11Everybody's valid.
06:12I think it's a very healthy relationship.
06:14Definitely one of the healthier ones I've seen.
06:17Just wondering, would you be able to be
06:19with someone who's asexual?
06:20Um, I don't know.
06:23I've loved being physical in any sense.
06:26You know, it's a big part of a relationship to me,
06:28but if that's truly what they would desire,
06:31then I would, yeah.
06:34Today, we're gonna be heading to the tattoo shop
06:35to give Connor a new tattoo.
06:37Perks of having a girlfriend who's a tattoo artist,
06:40I mean.
06:41That's probably the best benefit.
06:42I started learning how to tattoo a year ago.
06:44Sometimes I do practice on Connor
06:46and whenever he has an idea, I'll just do it,
06:48or whatever I feel.
06:49I did my first tattoo on him,
06:50but those are some other ones on his arm that I've done.
06:53Our inspiration today is just nature,
06:55because that's what I tend to do the most
06:57and that's what I tend to do the best.
06:59So we're just doing this little snail dude
07:01carrying an acorn.
07:02He's on a little mission, so.
07:04He's cute.
07:06Sam has changed my life in terms of just allowing me
07:10to open up and be free.
07:12Free in a way of expression, free in the way of love.
07:15My life would not be a fraction as happy and great
07:19as it would be today without her.
07:21You've made me believe in love again, of course.
07:24Just for the past four years,
07:26you've been unconditionally wonderful.
07:28You're so accepting and open-minded and very kind.
07:31I feel like our relationship works
07:32because we're so open and communicative with each other
07:35and nothing's off limits, even the tough conversations.
07:39All right, you're done.
07:41Check it out.
07:42Look at that.
07:43It's amazing.
07:44I'm glad you like it.
07:44I think you came out cute.
07:46People who judge our relationship,
07:48I feel like they just need to open their mind a little more,
07:50get out, talk to more people,
07:51and see that not every relationship is heteronormative.
07:55Things can be different and the love is still ever-growing.
07:59It's never too late to try and be better
08:01and to try and be more accepting.