Most recently playing the father on hit show, "Derry Girls," Tommy Tiernan is a whole different breed of comic. This Iri | dG1fQ3IwdUN2V1lMWE0
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Short filmTranscript
00:00 The worst thing that you could ever do is listen to your children.
00:05 We've ruined them by listening to them.
00:09 I'm convinced in 30 or 40 years' time, listening will be the new child abuse.
00:13 And there will be people weeping on chat shows going,
00:17 "Then my father would take me up to the room and listen to me."
00:20 And it's ruined my life.
00:25 It's left me with an overinflated sense of my own importance.
00:28 And it's ruined every relationship I've ever tried to be in.
00:33 But generally speaking, people are getting way too soft.
00:38 Sometimes I do gigs in prisons.
00:40 And I know the women love murder.
00:45 Oh, the women are fucking mad for the true-life crime shit that's on the television.
00:51 Sitting there in the safety of your own fart space.
00:57 Covered in crumbs from the kitchen with your fucking relaxed pants on you.
01:02 Looking at an actual woman who got her actual fucking throat cut.
01:09 And you're there, "I'd say it was the brother. I think it was the brother."
01:14 "He's a shifty looking head, doesn't he? The brother. I just don't like..."
01:20 "How can somebody's eyes be too close together and also too far apart? I don't know what it is."
01:27 But you can be put in prison for lots of things now.
01:31 You can be put in prison for hitting somebody once.
01:33 And I think that's the pussification of people's...
01:37 Every man, woman and child in the country should be legally obliged to take one box to the head if you're being a cunt.
01:46 I think that should be...
01:47 That should be the fucking law, you know?
01:53 I think women should be allowed to hit men whenever they want.
01:57 Whenever... I don't think you even have to know the man.
02:00 I think if you're just pissed off at someone else woke up to something, they're all the same anyway, aren't they?
02:05 Just start fucking flailing your little fist at him.
02:09 "Fuck you, fuck you."
02:10 And the man would be legally obliged to stand there and take it.
02:12 Being hit by a woman is like trying to put a bald child into a car seat.
02:17 Just as long as your elbow's locked, you'll be alright.
02:19 But I don't think... That's okay for women to hit men, but I don't think men should ever...
02:24 EVER!
02:26 Be allowed to hit a woman hard.
02:30 I don't think...
02:31 What if God was?
02:42 Maybe there is...
02:44 Maybe there is a God.
02:46 What if God was?
02:49 Maybe there is something fucking wrong with me.