Good Girls Gone Wild Full Episode 2024

  • 5 months ago
Good Girls Gone Wild Full Episode 2024
Transcript
00:00:30I'm bad.
00:00:31Hello?
00:00:32Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:37I mean, it's only two days away and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:52So I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:57Sue, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:01:00I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.
00:01:03I'm going to lose my virginity to him.
00:01:06You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:08What?
00:01:09But you can't.
00:01:10I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:13Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:15You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:18This is bad.
00:01:19You know, I'm going to tell Lexi.
00:01:21She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:26Come on, Lexi.
00:01:44So girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:48Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:52But this is the big one-eight.
00:01:54I mean, every year since our moms met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:01:58But this has to be newer and more special.
00:02:01So what's something we've never done before?
00:02:03Mushrooms?
00:02:05No, not like that.
00:02:06Like something nice.
00:02:08Like maybe a trip.
00:02:10Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:11No.
00:02:14Sorry, Sue. I have a date.
00:02:16So do I.
00:02:18Sorry, Sue.
00:02:19Don't worry, Sue. We'll figure it out.
00:02:25Oh, flowers. Are these from you?
00:02:28Yeah, sure.
00:02:30Here you go.
00:02:32No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:35I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:38I guess, um, you still make me nervous.
00:02:43Oh, Jake.
00:02:47Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:50Uh, no, Jake. Not yet.
00:02:52When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:54The best night of my life.
00:02:56It will be. I promise.
00:02:58It'll always be amazing.
00:03:00With you and me.
00:03:02Together.
00:03:05Jake, no. I have to go.
00:03:07I have to work on my art project.
00:03:09You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:12but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:15Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:18This Saturday?
00:03:20Of course.
00:03:22I'll be there.
00:03:24I'll be there.
00:03:26I'll be there.
00:03:28I'll be there.
00:03:30I'll be there.
00:03:33Thanks.
00:03:35O.K., bye.
00:03:46Oh, baby, you're so hot.
00:03:49I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:51Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:53Yeah.
00:03:55What was your name again?
00:03:56Rob, sex guy.
00:03:58God.
00:04:02Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:04:07Yeah, right, I bet.
00:04:14Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:17Oh no.
00:04:19Does not compute.
00:04:20Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:26Oh, huh.
00:04:27Hi.
00:04:29When did you get home?
00:04:30So is it true?
00:04:32Yes, it is.
00:04:33It's just, it's the right time, and Jake's the right man.
00:04:38I mean, he's handsome, and smart, and wealthy,
00:04:43and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:45So I just think it's the right time.
00:04:48Lexi, tell her, losing our virginity
00:04:50is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:52On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:55Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday,
00:04:57or maybe even, like, our 29th, 8th, maybe.
00:05:03Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:10I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:19But Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:21We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:24Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:28It's not Jake.
00:05:30It's the male ideal, like a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:36Right.
00:05:38Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:40I mean, it kind of sucks.
00:05:40I'm not really an artist.
00:05:42Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:44The point is, we should all lose our virginities
00:05:46together on the same day.
00:05:48And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:50I'm waiting for a sign, and then I'll know it's right.
00:05:53Look, I can go either way.
00:05:55I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:06:00I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:06:03Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:06:06But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:11You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:18Where are you going at 630 in the morning?
00:06:21To church, to pray for you.
00:06:23I want to be first in line.
00:06:25I'm getting some sleep.
00:06:27Yeah, me too.
00:06:37Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:39It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:41I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:06:42Mm-hmm.
00:06:45OK, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this,
00:06:47but it's about sex.
00:06:53I mean, not me.
00:06:54I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:58I've never even seen a guy's.
00:07:01Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll,
00:07:04but I was dressing him up as Jesus,
00:07:05and I wanted to see his thing, but there was nothing there.
00:07:12OK, so it's about my friends, my best friends.
00:07:16They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:18OK.
00:07:19Third base.
00:07:21What?
00:07:22No, like sex, like intercourse.
00:07:26With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:27I mean, they really need us intervention,
00:07:29if you know what I mean.
00:07:30All the way.
00:07:31Go all the way.
00:07:33What are you?
00:07:34What?
00:07:35Ah.
00:07:36Ah.
00:07:37Ah.
00:07:39How could you do this?
00:07:41You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:45What?
00:07:51Yes.
00:07:52Yes.
00:07:53Run.
00:07:54Run.
00:07:55Home run.
00:07:56Ah, damn it.
00:08:00Fucking Yankees.
00:08:03Sorry.
00:08:16Oh.
00:08:25Sue, it is 1 PM.
00:08:28Would you have a little consideration?
00:08:30I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:32Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:36I have an announcement to make.
00:08:37I want to do it.
00:08:39Do you hear me?
00:08:40I want to do it.
00:08:43This weekend, on our birthday.
00:08:45Do what?
00:08:48It, screw, screwing, boning, making
00:08:51the beast with two backs, you know, shagging, fucking.
00:08:57You do?
00:08:59But what about all your religious stuff?
00:09:01And what about your sign from heaven?
00:09:04Oh, I got a sign at church.
00:09:06Really?
00:09:07Well, OK, great.
00:09:10We're all in then.
00:09:12So we'll have a big pool party, and we'll do it there.
00:09:15Right?
00:09:17Right.
00:09:19I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:29Hey, Frank.
00:09:31Hi, Sue.
00:09:33Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:35I don't know, do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:37Yeah, he's blind.
00:09:39Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:45Wait, wait, wait.
00:09:47Hey, um, I was wondering, we're throwing this party
00:09:51tomorrow night.
00:09:52It's for our birthday.
00:09:53Do you want to come?
00:09:54Do you think he can see it?
00:09:55Are you sure?
00:09:57Well, the house looks done.
00:10:10Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:12We finally turn 18.
00:10:14And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:16Well, we better get our beady sleep, because the party
00:10:18starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:19So, OK, we know who Cheryl's going to do it with, Jake.
00:10:23And I'll probably do that guy, Rod.
00:10:25But Sue, who are you going to pick to pop your chain?
00:10:28It's easy.
00:10:29I've known for the past six years, ever since catechism.
00:10:34What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:36I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:38Sure.
00:10:47My soulmate.
00:10:50Chris?
00:10:51Sue, you might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:56I mean.
00:10:57What?
00:10:57No, Chris is perfect.
00:10:58He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:11:02Plus, his name's Chris.
00:11:03It's a sign.
00:11:04Sue, the only sign is that Chris
00:11:07has a major case of gay face.
00:11:09What?
00:11:10He does not.
00:11:11Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:13He looks just like Justin Bieber,
00:11:15with a little bit of Zac Efron, and just
00:11:18a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:19Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:22Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:25OK, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:27See you in the morning.
00:11:35I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:36I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:49You're so perfect.
00:12:20Oh.
00:12:42I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:50Oh.
00:13:00Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:13:17Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:20Oh.
00:13:39Oh, my gosh.
00:13:40They're coming.
00:13:41Lexi, Cheryl, hurry.
00:13:46Ew, why?
00:13:48It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:50It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:51I'm going to spit.
00:13:53You're going to die of asphyxiation.
00:13:55It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:56It's stupid.
00:13:57Just screw him.
00:13:58That's what he wants.
00:13:59That's what all guys want.
00:14:00Who hurt you as a child?
00:14:02Oh, Christ.
00:14:03Can I wrap your mouth, too?
00:14:05Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:08not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:10You're an idiot.
00:14:11A very smooth, plastic wrapped idiot.
00:14:15Thank you.
00:14:16Guys, seriously, come on.
00:14:17Hurry up.
00:14:19Oh.
00:14:23Oh, what a cool bracelet.
00:14:25I love it.
00:14:26Um.
00:14:27You should put that down low, because it's like, it's really
00:14:29Very fragile.
00:14:30Yeah.
00:14:31OK.
00:14:32Sit it down.
00:14:33Hurry up.
00:14:36Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:38Yeah.
00:14:49Oh.
00:14:59Whoa.
00:15:02Oh, we're going to have some fun.
00:15:03Oh, attack of the wet t-shirts.
00:15:05Nice.
00:15:06Yeah!
00:15:15Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:17No, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:21That is lip poison to plump your lips,
00:15:23but be careful, it stings.
00:15:25And the other one is edible massage oil.
00:15:28Oh, how did you know?
00:15:29I mean, I'm going to use both of these tonight.
00:15:31Come on.
00:15:37Foster, such a cutie.
00:15:40Please don't touch my service dog.
00:15:42All right, sorry.
00:15:43Are you OK now?
00:15:44Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
00:15:45OK.
00:15:45Let's see how they're doing.
00:15:49I can't believe you have a hundred.
00:15:51This is crazy.
00:15:52Jake, hi.
00:15:54Hey, babe.
00:15:56Happy birthday.
00:15:59Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:01What?
00:16:02You want a beer?
00:16:06No.
00:16:10Oh, hon.
00:16:11Yeah.
00:16:13I have your present here.
00:16:14I'll give it to you later, when the time's right.
00:16:18You didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:20And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:26Hey, bro, we need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:30What bet?
00:16:34All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:36Hey.
00:16:37Hey.
00:16:38How you doing?
00:16:39Hi.
00:16:42You did a great job.
00:16:43Thank you.
00:16:44Bye.
00:16:44Bye.
00:16:45Bye.
00:16:46Bye.
00:16:57Check it out.
00:16:59Dare me.
00:17:12Hey, I do move lame. Oh, all right. Okay. I'll see you guys later
00:17:21By the end of the day I will be motorboating those kiddies
00:17:26They're fake anyways who cares, okay?
00:17:33Hope to do I'm blind you fucking asshole
00:17:36Oh, no, it's your birthday here. Let me do I don't know just go enjoy the party
00:17:49Hey, do my lips look any plumper I put this stuff on but I can't really feel anything yet
00:17:55Have you guys seen Jake I haven't seen him anywhere just like disappeared
00:18:06I
00:18:11Means really of course they are
00:18:17No, maybe he's gonna be around I think he's around or something maybe upstairs, huh?
00:18:26Maybe you want to go get my birthday present. That's probably where you went
00:18:29Oh
00:18:34Liquid courage. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Atta girl
00:18:40Vodka cranberry, it's really simple
00:18:44Well, I guess it's now or never I come here
00:18:48Sue are you okay?
00:18:55Nothing to be scared of seriously, it's gonna be fine. It's Chris here
00:19:00Oh
00:19:04Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it? No, he does not have teeth. It's gonna prove it to you. I'm gonna do it
00:19:16Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:19No, he does not have teeth. It's gonna prove it to you
00:19:24I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do this
00:19:30You can do this just act like a slut
00:19:36Just pretend you're Lex
00:19:45Yeah, my favorite chapter is saw me war
00:19:48Chris
00:19:50Hi
00:19:51Can I talk to you?
00:19:55In private
00:19:59Oh
00:20:11What Chris
00:20:14You're so sexy
00:20:16Ever since you played Jesus at camp. I've just I've known that we were meant to be together. I
00:20:23Really want to oh
00:20:26What are you doing, is that wrong? So what's gotten into you? Nothing? I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this. So
00:20:37Sue I
00:20:40Understand these
00:20:42urges and
00:20:44You know, I like you too. Really you do I do I really do I
00:20:51Like you too, really you do I do I really do it's just
00:20:59I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man, right?
00:21:05Lexi said you were Jesus. Oh
00:21:08That man, of course. What did you think? Oh
00:21:13So we can still do this
00:21:16so
00:21:18You know
00:21:20for me
00:21:22When I think about that man
00:21:24Who died for our sins when I think about him up there on that cross?
00:21:30so helpless yet, so
00:21:33Muscular with his strong
00:21:36thighs
00:21:38crossed over each other so
00:21:41Delicately beneath that ragged loincloth
00:21:46Going so hot so sweaty under that hot
00:21:51hot Sun, I just feel such
00:21:55Compassion I think about those things too. So you understand why I can't do this
00:22:02Not really. I just find it too hard. It is to
00:22:07Give in to carnal pleasure when he sacrificed so much for us
00:22:13So
00:22:31No, no
00:22:43Oh various, oh you got me the puppy that I wanted
00:23:04How could you
00:23:07So
00:23:09What happened did you guys do it?
00:23:11soon
00:23:13He doesn't want me
00:23:15Because he's okay. No, he's not. He just really loves Jesus. Oh, come on, Sue
00:23:21The only reason we've been liked him is because you knew he was never real possibility for you
00:23:26Look the only way you're gonna find out what kind of man you really want is to know what kind of woman you really are
00:23:33deep inside
00:23:35Yes, come with me. We're to meet your dark side
00:23:57Sue it's time for you and your vagina to meet face to face
00:24:05I
00:24:13Really can't I really don't think I can do this. I'm not letting you out until you look
00:24:22I'm not letting you out until you look
00:24:28Can you see it
00:24:31Yeah, I'm almost I'm almost there
00:24:42What
00:24:44What sue what happened? What did you see a raccoon? What?
00:24:51You overshot it aim the mirror further up. I
00:24:54I
00:25:00Can't please don't make me do that again. Okay, fine fine. I
00:25:05Didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice
00:25:08What?
00:25:09You really need an orgasm
00:25:12Honestly, I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else when you've never even had it with yourself
00:25:17This really has to be your first step less. I'm waiting coming
00:25:21Sue my black vibrator somewhere in the top drawer. Just find it and use it
00:25:26Wait, what does the black vibrator look like? It's black it vibrates
00:25:32Come on Rod, let's go to Sue's room. Don't come back until you have at least one orgasm
00:25:39I
00:26:09Boy boy, he knows over a hundred commands
00:26:17That is not funny Cheryl bitch fortunately when you're blind you get used to things like that
00:26:40Oh
00:26:51Shit
00:26:56What's wrong with this
00:27:10I
00:27:15Know what is wrong?
00:27:17Lexi, it's Jake
00:27:19He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl for sure. I
00:27:24Mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him. So maybe maybe it's my fault. That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag
00:27:30How dare he no, it's awful. I mean, I thought I was gonna marry him
00:27:40It's a text it's it's from him, um, I can't bear myself to read it, okay
00:27:46He's looking for you. He wants to give you your birthday gift. Oh, I can't face him
00:27:50Um, I have to go I'm going no, you can't just leave
00:27:54Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened. I mean, maybe I should confront him
00:28:00He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again. Either way. It's bullshit. I see only one option
00:28:06I'm leaving revenge sex
00:28:10What what does that even mean? It means you find a guy you screw his brains out and you let Jake catch you
00:28:19Revenge sex
00:28:21What what does that mean? It means you find a guy you screw his brains out and you let Jake catch you
00:28:27But he I mean he doesn't care. He doesn't care about me. I mean, why would he's just in other girls. Trust me. He'll care
00:28:35Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him to his ego to screw someone else when you've never even had sex with
00:28:42Him, especially if it's with someone smarter better-looking and with a bigger dick
00:28:48No, I couldn't plus I mean there's there's no one smarter and better-looking
00:28:54Eric, he's perfect. Eric Hall. Are you kidding? I mean, he wouldn't even be into me. He likes your type
00:29:01Really and what type is that sweaty?
00:29:05Yeah, trust me. He's amazing. I pulled around with him once he had this great time. Oh
00:29:11No, I could never fool around with somebody you pulled around with. Okay, then fine. We will find someone else
00:29:17someone that I haven't
00:29:24Okay, what does it matter that I fooled around with him I mean it's you're not gonna marry the guy
00:29:28No, I just couldn't do it
00:29:31if you want to live the rest of your life knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing to make your
00:29:36Boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage and possibly even scar him the rest of his existence and you chose not to do
00:29:42It go ahead, but honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself. I
00:29:48don't know
00:29:51But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself I
00:29:55Don't know trust me it's going to work
00:30:04I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs
00:30:06Oh
00:30:22Hey, happy birthday. Mm-hmm. Thanks
00:30:36Oh
00:30:48Have you guys seen Jake
00:30:54So
00:30:56Happy birthday
00:31:00Do you know that most people think that the happy birthday song was from Britain, but it's actually from us us
00:31:07America
00:31:09United States, I know where we live, right?
00:31:17I know where we live, right?
00:31:24Hey Jesus Eric, are you gonna make your move or not? Oh you want me to move? Yeah. No, I can totally move I just
00:31:30No, you're fine
00:31:36I
00:31:43Take
00:31:46So Eric, do you want to do it or not? Oh
00:31:50I'm sorry it what um it like
00:31:54monkey bone in and like pigs in a blanket
00:31:58Get real nasty. Oh, oh
00:32:01you mean like
00:32:04Right now I mean, well, yeah, you know the sooner the better
00:32:09Yeah, sure, I mean, yeah, of course, um, I just never realized that you I mean
00:32:17Whoo
00:32:20It's just
00:32:22You're so
00:32:25You're so beautiful, um
00:32:27Mm-hmm. No cuisine, right? Um, of course, sorry
00:32:36So, um
00:32:39Do you wanna unwrap me? Oh wow
00:32:42He wrapped up like a hot pocket or a leftover macaroni and cheese
00:32:47Now that you left over you're not
00:32:49You're fresh
00:32:53Now that you left over you're not
00:32:55You're fresh organic, yep
00:33:01So the rap, right
00:33:05Where's the
00:33:09Yeah, I see it, um, let me just
00:33:15Sorry, sorry, sorry
00:33:18It's okay do it again
00:33:20I'm sorry. I bought my nails. So it's a little difficult. You know what? Let me just lay on the bed
00:33:28Okay
00:33:34Let me just see. Oh here it is. I got it
00:33:44Oh geez Cheryl, are you you okay?
00:33:51Hey Cheryl, are you okay? Oh geez
00:34:02Well, that was stupid yeah
00:34:05Yeah
00:34:15Jake I think I saw Cheryl upstairs. What I can't hear you
00:34:22beer
00:34:23Chips are so damn salty Jake
00:34:26Stairs
00:34:28Hold on take a piss much beer
00:34:35Oh
00:34:59Finally yeah
00:35:02Let's just get the blinds. Oh, no, no, no. Um, don't don't worry about it. What I
00:35:08Mean, I want us to be able to see each other. Oh
00:35:14Well, okay, okay
00:35:16I
00:35:32Mean just get the blinds. Oh, no, no, no, um, don't don't worry about it. What I
00:35:39Mean, I want us to be able to see each other. Oh
00:35:42Oh, well, okay
00:36:13You
00:36:31What are you doing, uh, I think it's time, you know
00:36:39Do it
00:36:41Not yet more foreplay
00:36:50So good, oh
00:36:54Yeah, oh my god
00:36:57Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What what? Ah, ah, oh
00:37:01I do
00:37:03Lot lock jaw lock jaw. Is that even a thing? I don't know
00:37:07Ah, are you okay?
00:37:14No, it's uh, it's fine I'm just
00:37:18embarrassed I it's
00:37:20probably TMJ or
00:37:23Fracture swan
00:37:25You sure you're okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Great. Have fun
00:37:30Oh
00:37:35Now
00:37:37Not yet
00:37:58No, no, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's been a really long time and I just I haven't
00:38:07I
00:38:29Cheryl's in here
00:38:31Oh
00:38:34Sup, bro
00:38:41Let's do it
00:38:49Oh, I'm sorry, I can't see I'm blind
00:38:54Damn it say something to that bitch
00:38:57Hey you
00:39:00You better stop making fun of the blind or I'm gonna teach you a lesson
00:39:06I'm so sorry. I'll never make fun of the blind again
00:39:30Oh
00:39:33Man no more water balloons. It's party's ass
00:39:43This is nothing it's the big deal about these vibrators anyway
00:40:00Oh
00:40:24Hey, dude, nice shot wasn't me
00:40:30Oh
00:40:39Hey, you found the grenade launcher nice nice
00:40:53Do you have the extra controller
00:41:00I
00:41:11Didn't
00:41:29Hey
00:41:41Hey, didn't you hear me calling you? Yeah, I just needed to oh
00:41:46Sure
00:41:48Listen, it's sue. I I was rethinking what I said earlier
00:41:53You were
00:41:54You mean?
00:41:57Yeah
00:42:00So you think we should give it a try
00:42:04Can we go get a drink
00:42:08Wow your toilet's really
00:42:13You know what I gotta go
00:42:30Oh, this is the worst idea ever never going to have sex
00:42:36Oh
00:42:56Hello a little attention here. Oh, yeah. Sorry
00:43:06Max don't be selfish. All right. Sorry
00:43:22Geez who invented this stupid position anyway too much fucking multitasking screw it
00:43:36Oh
00:44:06Oh
00:44:10No, that's bad
00:44:26Joanna do you know a guy named JJ? I
00:44:32Think that guy's name starts with a J
00:44:34Hey
00:44:38Soon I'm start with a J. Yes, it does. So you're JJ
00:45:05You
00:45:07Hello, welcome to 1-900 confess, would you like a priest or a nun today a nun, please punch in your credit card number
00:45:20Please hold
00:45:261-900 confession how may I be of service?
00:45:28It's been one day since my last confession. I accused myself of the following sins one day
00:45:34I
00:45:41Would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday go on
00:45:46Okay, well I've been touching myself
00:45:49Inappropriately. Well, actually I didn't know
00:45:52What's your problem a washing machine touched her?
00:45:58You know, I sat on a washing machine and well, all right freak time's up what but what do I do
00:46:04Just unplug the thing. No, but but I think I might have had an
00:46:08Orgasm. Well, then be happy. You found the perfect man. I'm serious. Look, honey. You seem like a nice young lady. So
00:46:18I'll tell you this
00:46:20Masturbation isn't a sin
00:46:22No contritions
00:46:24You broke no covenant with God. It's not in the Bible
00:46:28So the washing machine could touch me anytime
00:46:32morning afternoon night
00:46:34Yes, and other things can touch you
00:46:37Accidental masturbation is not a sin. Neither is intentional masturbation
00:46:44That's pretty cool that way he sure is now run along
00:46:47How do you know all that because I'm a nun now eat my pussy bitch
00:46:54Huh accidental masturbation
00:47:07Revenge sex
00:47:17Yeah
00:47:27Fucking douchebag
00:47:30No, I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do you go girl
00:47:37What are you doing here
00:47:39We needed someplace private
00:47:41But hey, listen if you're serious about getting laid, yeah, do you want someone great I mean really the best ever
00:47:50No offense Frank the blind guy. Really? I'm telling you he's
00:47:58Amazing. I had food sex with him a few weeks ago. It was like nothing I've ever experienced before
00:48:04It was like we used all our senses
00:48:07everything
00:48:10If you're interested, I'll set it up. All right
00:48:20What about him Jeremy
00:48:23Yeah, I know Jeremy. I think I fooled around with that one. I don't know
00:48:29It's Jones Jeremy Jones, this all makes sense, excuse me
00:48:35Oh
00:48:41That's my new girlfriend no meter so beer like an hour wait you have a girlfriend
00:49:00Okay, Frank sit
00:49:06Oh, you meant you meant the dog
00:49:11Relax
00:49:13You need to relax and calm down
00:49:25I'm I'm relaxed. I'm fine. Why are you biting your nail? I'm not
00:49:33How did you know that
00:49:36Oh
00:49:46You mean me
00:49:50All over oh
00:49:54You mean me oh, how do you how do you want me to just lay down
00:50:06Oh
00:50:10I shouldn't even be doing this but considering it a teachable moment. Okay
00:50:23See me with your hands
00:50:36You know, I should really I have a boyfriend I shouldn't be doing this really
00:50:52Mmm peanut butter
00:51:05Oh
00:51:13Frank
00:51:15You
00:51:32No, man, no, give me to my chips homeboy, give me a chair man my chips
00:51:42My chips
00:51:44Guys why are you making such a mess?
00:51:47Sorry
00:51:54It's just a case of accidental masturbation, that's all
00:52:05No, really, please I want to know
00:52:10Okay, everybody out
00:52:14Oh
00:52:26You're not even getting the chips they're over here I see some dust over here
00:52:44Oh
00:53:07Thank you, I'll see you
00:53:15Oh
00:53:20Frankie oh
00:53:30Stop Frank stop teasing Frank
00:53:35Sorry, man, we're just looking for a place to finish this road. I heard something you wanna join us
00:53:45Oh
00:53:52Frank Frank, are we gonna do something soon?
00:53:58Bro you are too funny
00:54:04This is some good stuff I haven't smoked since junior high dude, I didn't stop smoking
00:54:11Feel like I was supposed to be doing something
00:54:15Damn I really can't remember
00:54:17Good
00:54:42JJ
00:54:44Jeremy you have to remember that amazing time we had together. Don't you?
00:54:48Please
00:54:49Lex I can't I
00:54:52Mean, I got a girlfriend. I really like this girl fine
00:54:56It's just so sad because I'm wearing this
00:55:00Cutlass bra and I also have on crotchless panties
00:55:05But just a little string of pearl in front for extra stimulation. Oh
00:55:15We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here perfect
00:55:22Before she gets here perfect
00:55:24Oh
00:55:42What what's wrong I can't can't get it in
00:55:47Try down there. It's like desert desert sandpaper. Just okay
00:55:52Sure, just try it again
00:55:57No, why is this happening
00:55:59We pulled around before I was dripping wet. I came like four times. Remember just do what you did then
00:56:05Come on, I already did my thing. I already tried
00:56:10What what is it different this time I don't know last time
00:56:18Honestly don't even know what you're talking about what
00:56:22You're not JJ
00:56:24But your name is Jeremy Jones. How can you not be JJ?
00:56:29Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:32Where are you going? We're not done here. I can still do this. I just need a little bit of work. I can do this
00:56:37Oh, I don't need JJ. I don't need anyone else. We can do this
00:56:43Go team
00:56:53Oh shit
00:57:04Where's Jeremy
00:57:07We were just you know
00:57:10Hey, babe, just working it out
00:57:16How could you you bastard
00:57:19You might want to what what
00:57:35What is wrong with you
00:57:40What's wrong with you
00:57:43Used to be so pure
00:57:45Well, no more. That's it. I'm done
00:57:47Well, no more that's it really that's the last one
00:58:17I
00:58:28Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far far away from here. That's why
00:58:34nothing just this
00:58:36Lying guy and his dog and oh, I mean, it's gonna be okay. No, it's not. Okay
00:58:43Oh
00:58:44God and you know whose fault it is. I'm sorry. It's Jake's Jake's fault
00:58:49That blind cheating bastard. Yes. He's such a dickwad. You need to confront him. Yeah
00:58:57Yeah, I need to confront him. I mean, it's my birthday and where is he?
00:59:01Anyway, like why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:59:03No, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind
00:59:06Yeah, big piece a big old chunk of my mind a big piece of it. Yeah
00:59:12You know, you might want to
00:59:15You need to look hot while you break up with him. Yeah, you're right
00:59:19Why am I wearing a sheet?
00:59:27Sorry, I'm so I get shy around beautiful women like you I
00:59:34Got no game
00:59:37You
00:59:42It's not
00:59:54Hey
00:59:56Eric, I can't talk right now. No. No, I really need to talk to you
01:00:00Really Eric. I can't right now. No. No, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier
01:00:05And and and I'm just embarrassed and I don't want to make it up to you Eric. Really? I
01:00:10Don't care. It's fine. No, but I do. I mean I do I care. I
01:00:16Haven't known how to tell you maybe because I don't know. I'm a little shy
01:00:21but I was wondering or hoping that
01:00:25We could go out sometime
01:00:27Soon because I'm gonna be leaving for a little while and it would be nice to go out
01:00:32Eric you're shy. You have no game
01:00:36No, not really
01:00:39Yeah, no, I can't do this, sorry
01:00:44Okay, all right I
01:00:49Happy birthday then
01:01:01I'm sorry. I was trying to kiss you
01:01:05Oh
01:01:31Eric stop, um, we can't do this
01:01:34Not again, oh no, honey, happy
01:01:39Fuck is this? How are you, dude? Okay guys don't
01:01:47Baby what is this?
01:01:51Gee sure here
01:01:54Yeah, I'm looking for you all night. You've been oh
01:01:57Man, no wonder I couldn't find you you couldn't find me
01:02:00What about all those girls vaginas you were in or your penis getting sucked
01:02:10Jake no, you have to go baby. I'll be faithful. No, I'm pleased. I promise. No, Jake. I can't do this. I'm sorry
01:02:16Oh
01:02:31Revenge sex
01:02:34It's really not what it sounds like at all, right
01:02:39Don't make sense now
01:02:41Wow, I feel really stupid
01:02:44Eric I'm really I'm really sorry
01:02:47Cheryl I really liked you and you used me
01:02:52Please don't go. Please Eric
01:02:56Aren't you happy
01:02:59Well, no, that's not exactly I was supposed to feel like
01:03:02You mean the sex was it?
01:03:05No, we didn't quite do it. Oh, you know, I couldn't seem to do it either. I just never found the right guy or guys
01:03:14Anyway, we better get downstairs people are starting to leave
01:03:29Can't believe she dumped me man, this is bullshit
01:03:32Yeah, he has good hair though
01:04:03Sue are you all right?
01:04:06Was it from sex did you pop your cork, I don't think so not with a guy anyway, oh
01:04:12Don't ask every possible object
01:04:15It's like every mechanical thing. It was like
01:04:18Transformers they just all became vibrators. I told you it's addicting
01:04:26So what about Chris well last time I saw him he was running away for dear life I told you he was gay
01:04:31Well, I think I'm just oh
01:04:34cramp, oh
01:04:37I think it's broken. So wait
01:04:40None of us cashed an RV card. Oh
01:04:47Joanna you're so sweet
01:04:49So it's gonna go grab some food. There you go. No, thank you. I think I should finish up here
01:04:56Did you ever find that guy you were looking for? No
01:04:59I don't know for some reason. I just realized he needs to be my first or something. Why do you know him?
01:05:08Sort of Oh
01:05:10Well, hey if you happen to run into him tell him I'd like to see him again
01:05:20Love him shut it. You want to do it?
01:05:28You
01:05:52No, no way
01:05:58Oh
01:06:10Well, it's always next year
01:06:28It's you I've been waiting for you JJ
01:06:58I
01:07:28Oh
01:07:42That's amazing
01:07:44Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me I
01:07:47Guess something inspired me
01:07:51You really captured his expression and his eyes. Yeah, even though little Calic he has in his hair
01:07:59Who's Eric's what's him, right? Oh
01:08:07Yeah, I have to go see him
01:08:14Well, I think you know
01:08:17Mm-hmm
01:08:271900 confess
01:08:30Sister Therese, yeah, hun. Um, there was a problem with your credit card. I just need the last three numbers in the back
01:08:37Sure
01:08:42Sister I know this isn't a confession, but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:49God will forgive you take you back
01:08:52Sure, huh? What why not as long as you're on the right path?
01:08:57Well, how do you know if you're on that path? I always look for some kind of sign from the universe
01:09:04Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay
01:09:08sister
01:09:09Can I get up now? I really gotta pee. No, what's your trap?
01:09:16Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work but call back anytime
01:09:22Thanks
01:09:26Sister shut up, or I'll punish you hard you shit
01:09:33I
01:09:49Cheryl
01:09:51Eric
01:09:53Look, I am so sorry about everything
01:09:56I was trying to have revenge sex with you at the beginning, but then at the end I wasn't
01:10:01I
01:10:03Just didn't want to do that with you
01:10:05the revenge part not the sex part
01:10:09hmm, I
01:10:11I do want to go out with you
01:10:13And I didn't realize that until this morning. I
01:10:17Mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is and he's all over the air and kit
01:10:22Come on I gotta get going. Oh
01:10:26Wow Cheryl, this is my sister Tina Tina Cheryl
01:10:31Hi, nice to meet you
01:10:37So, um, do you mind if I call you in a few days when I get back? Yeah
01:10:49Nope, sorry, no kissing right? No kissing
01:11:02I
01:11:10Did you ever get those flowers I sent you I
01:11:15Don't even care that you hooked up a plexi what I never did that I
01:11:21Mean you don't have to lie about it. She told me all about your pierced tongue
01:11:29She must have me mixed up with someone else
01:11:32Wonder who it was
01:11:52At least this birthday's over
01:12:02I
01:12:09Mean if you could just I don't know like send me a sign
01:12:32You
01:12:43Excuse me, excuse me
01:12:45Do you know where the church is? It's on Fountain Street. Um, yeah, that's the church
01:12:50I go to or used to go to um, it's straight up that way and then left
01:12:56Thank you
01:12:58You're more than welcome to come with me if you like, oh, I don't know
01:13:10Well, that's pretty powerful Oh
01:13:14250 horsepower 225 pounds of torque. Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on I
01:13:22Don't think so, but thanks. What's your name? Sue? What's yours?
01:13:28Jesus
01:13:30Really see
01:13:34Maybe I could use the ride
01:13:58You