Why do so many of the world's best goalscorers unravel in the Premier League?
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00:00 [MUSIC]
00:04 Much to the chagrin, excellent word of fans of other divisions,
00:07 the question, but can he do it in the Premier League, remains a pertinent one.
00:11 While some of the game's greatest names have arrived in the division and thrived,
00:15 I'm thinking like, Makaleli, Zlatan, and I did have another one,
00:20 Ivan Campo, he'll do plenty of the giants of world football have had an absolute nightmare here.
00:25 And of course, in no position is that more costly or indeed more funny than up front.
00:31 I'm Adam Cleary, this is 442, and these are ten amazing strikers who completely flopped in the Premier League.
00:38 Number ten, Jared Borghetti, Bolton.
00:40 For a player whose name sounds like a car, Jared Borghetti was the proverbial Rolls Royce of a footballer.
00:46 He pitched up a Bolton in the twilight of a career that had made him a bigger Mexican institution
00:51 than those enormous hats you get with the nice little lace patterns on them.
00:54 He had scored absolutely loads of goals in his home country for Santos Laguna
00:59 and became one of the most feared strikers in all of South America.
01:02 However, under Sam Allardyce, he managed just two goals in 19 Premier League games,
01:07 one against Man City and the other against Charlton.
01:10 He was a lot better in the Cups, yes, but that's not what this list is about, is it?
01:14 Rules are rules.
01:15 Number nine, Roberto Saldado, Tottenham.
01:17 Now, I'm just, I'm sorry, but I'm not having any comments here for referring to Saldado as a great striker.
01:22 The lad had just barred 30 goals in 46 appearances the previous season at Valencia
01:28 and was genuinely being talked about as one of the hottest commodities in Europe.
01:32 Now, you might not believe that, I might not even believe that, but it did happen.
01:36 I was there, people were saying it, and as well, in his defence, Spurs were a little bit all over the place
01:41 when he arrived, having just splurged all the Gareth Bale money on no less than seven,
01:46 count of seven, highly rated new players.
01:48 Still though, seven Premier League goals in 52 games is, well, crap.
01:54 Number eight, Diego Forlan, Manchester United.
01:57 It tells you absolutely everything about what a footballing monster truck Mourinho's Chelsea were
02:02 that Man United had both Van Nistelrooy and Forlan on their books for those first two Premier League wins
02:07 and could not get anywhere near them.
02:09 Unlike his Dutch teammate though, the Uruguayans' time in the Premier League was a famous damn squib.
02:14 17 goals in 98 appearances, the first not coming until his 34th game,
02:20 did little to suggest that he would go on to, and let me just double check my notes here,
02:24 ah yes, become one of the most feared goal scorers in all of Europe.
02:28 155 goals in just seven years in La Liga, that is not the Diego Forlan you saw in the Premier League.
02:36 Regardless though, Man United fans still seem to love him on account of his two very memorable strikes against Liverpool.
02:42 Proof once more that banter remains undefeated as the true measure of footballing success.
02:46 [Laughs]
02:47 This is great banter. It really is.
02:51 Number seven, Sergei Rebrov, Tottenham.
02:53 The £11 million Ukrainian, then 25, had been one half of what was arguably Europe's most devastating strike partnership.
03:00 Alongside Andrey Shevchenko and ho-ho-ho, more on him later,
03:04 the duo had scored almost 200 goals between them in five seasons at Dynamo Kiev.
03:10 Recruited to become the prolific goal scorer that Spurs lacked,
03:12 Rebrov ultimately struggled to perform at anywhere near the same level,
03:16 and was even overlooked for the 2002 League Cup Final.
03:19 Now don't get me wrong, there's no shame to getting benched behind Teddy Sheringham and Les Ferdinand,
03:23 they're two great players, but they had a combined age at the time of 70.
03:28 But you know, score 10 goals in two seasons and that's what you're gonna get.
03:32 Number six, Gonzalo Higuaín, Chelsea.
03:34 Genuinely a sporting anomaly how so many strikers can bang in goals for fun in almost any other league in the world,
03:40 and then get to England and look like some beige middle management type
03:44 who's won a play on the pitch prize in a company raffle.
03:47 Gonzalo Higuaín par exemple was almost one goal every two games at Real Madrid and Juventus,
03:53 one goal every game and a half at Napoli, and then got to Chelsea,
03:57 and looked about as much use as tits on a kipper.
04:00 Five goals, the sum total of his loan spell in London where afterwards he defended his record
04:04 by pointing out the club did win the Europa League while he was there.
04:08 And again, just let me check my notes here, ah yes, he played a grand total of 24 minutes in that competition
04:13 and did not even get off the bench in the final.
04:17 Worth a try.
04:18 Number five, Claudio Pizarro, Chelsea.
04:20 Yeah, I'll just, I'll level with you now, the rest of this list is mostly Chelsea.
04:24 The Peruvian all-star hit 100 goals for Bayern Munich to establish a reputation
04:28 as one of Germany and Europe's top marksmen,
04:31 and his arrival at Chelsea on a free transfer no less, looked like a genius piece of business.
04:36 He started by missing a penalty in the Community Shield shootout against Manchester United on his debut,
04:41 and things did not improve much thereafter.
04:45 Pizarro notched just two goals in 21 matches before departing after one season.
04:51 A stint so short in fact that we as a fanbase didn't ever quite decide if it was Pizarro or Pitzarro.
04:57 You'd think Piz as there's only one Z so it's not like Pizza with two.
05:03 Right? Pizarro? Pitzarro? Pitharro? What was I talking about?
05:09 Number four, Radomil Falcao, Manchester United.
05:12 Easily, without question, one of the most complete centre-forwards in world football
05:17 while at both Porto and Atletico Madrid, Falcao made cheese strings out of his anterior cruciate ligaments at Monaco,
05:24 but his six million loan to Man United still felt like really good business.
05:28 Nope, just four goals all season for Louis van Gaal's men and that was the end of his time in England.
05:35 Except wait, no it wasn't, because number four, again, Radomil Falcao, Chelsea.
05:40 Never a team you can accuse of letting their rivals hog the money-wasting spotlight,
05:45 Chelsea seemingly took it as a personal challenge to somehow out-farce this farce and brought him in the following season.
05:52 One goal in all competitions, a round of applause for everyone involved, please.
05:57 Number three, Hernan Crespo, you guessed it, Chelsea.
06:01 Now yes, okay, a glance at Crespo's goals per game record in the Premier League suggests that maybe the flop tag is somewhat harsh in this case,
06:07 he did net 20 times in 49 games, but according to the three Chelsea fans I know and I swear have asked,
06:14 the former Parma, Lazio and Inter Sharpshooter just never really convinced at Stamford Bridge.
06:20 Ten goals in both seasons just felt like a massive letdown given how good he clearly was and could have been,
06:25 and neither Ranieri nor Mourinho ever quite managed to extract a proper tune out of him.
06:30 Number two, Fernando Morientes, Chelsea.
06:33 Oh no, it's Liverpool. Oh, do you know what, this one broke my heart.
06:35 Liverpool appeared to have snared one of the deals of the century when they got Morientes, still only 28, for 6.3 million.
06:43 He wasn't getting minutes at Madrid, but being behind Ronaldo, Raul and Michael Owen in the pecking order hardly made that a red flag.
06:50 But not only was it a red flag, it was a Reds flag.
06:54 Because they're the Reds.
06:55 It does, it, that joke does sort of work.
06:58 The three-time Champions League winner showed flashes of his talent at Anfield but ultimately found neither form nor fitness.
07:04 A meagre 12 goals in 60 appearances followed and the Reds loaned him back out to Valencia after just 18 months.
07:10 Anyway, here's a pitch for any HBO types watching, get a biopic in the works and have Pedro Pascal play him.
07:15 Look at them side by sides. You can see it, can't you?
07:18 Number 1, Andriy Shevchenko, Chelsea.
07:21 For a while, Shevchenko was basically the Michael Jordan of football.
07:25 But at Chelsea though, he was the Michael Jordan of expensive footballing misadventure.
07:31 A then British record fee of 30.8 million in 2006 yielded a meagre 9 Premier League goals in his three years at the club.
07:40 The problem was he was less a shrewd bit of transfer business and more...
07:44 How can I put this without winding up on some sort of hit list?
07:48 A gift. A lovely, generous goal scoring gift from Roman Abramovich to Jose Mourinho,
07:56 despite Chelsea having no issue scoring goals and them just coming off the back of consecutive Premier League title wins.
08:03 If you think about it, it's sort of like buying somebody a really nice expensive beard trimmer for Christmas
08:09 after they've already accidentally cut their own head off with their Gillette Mach 3.
08:13 So it fits their interests, yes, just not their circumstances.
08:17 And that's it, that's the video. Thank you so very much for watching and making it all the way till the end.
08:22 Somebody's keen.
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08:34 Until next time though, thank you once again for watching.
08:36 I do hope you enjoyed yourself and I'll see you soon.
08:39 Goodbye.