Dark Star HD -(1974)
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:00:30Hi, guys. Glad we got your message.
00:00:58You'll be interested to hear it was broadcast live all over Earth in prime time.
00:01:03Got good reviews in the trades.
00:01:07The time lag on these messages is getting longer.
00:01:12We gather from the 10-year delay that you are approximately 18 parsecs away.
00:01:20Drop us a line more often, okay?
00:01:25Sorry to hear about the radiation leak on the ship.
00:01:30And real sorry to hear about the death of Commander Powell.
00:01:35It was a week of mourning here on Earth.
00:01:38The flags were half-masked.
00:01:41We're all behind you guys.
00:01:46About your request for radiation shielding,
00:01:51sorry to report this request has been denied.
00:01:55I hate to send bad news when you guys are up there doing such a swell job.
00:02:00But I think you'll take it in the proper spirit.
00:02:04There have been some cutbacks in Congress, and right now,
00:02:08considering the distance, we just can't afford to send a cargo shuttle out there to you.
00:02:13But I know you guys will make do.
00:02:19Keep up the good work, men.
00:02:49♪♪♪
00:02:59♪♪♪
00:03:09♪♪♪
00:03:20What'd you say, Pinback?
00:03:26What was that again? I still can't hear you.
00:03:28I said I'm trying to reach Talby. Something's wrong with the damn intercom.
00:03:31I need a last-minute diameter approximation.
00:03:33Talby. Talby, this is Doolittle.
00:03:37Do you read me? Talby.
00:03:40Talby, do you read me?
00:03:42Talby!
00:03:43Oh, yes, Doolittle. What is it?
00:03:45I need a diameter approximation.
00:03:48Okay, Doolittle. I'll have it in a minute.
00:03:50I need a GHF reading on the gravity correction.
00:03:52I'll check it.
00:03:53I have a bias A of plus one.
00:03:55Pinback?
00:03:56Yeah, Doolittle?
00:03:57Your GHF reading is minus 15.
00:03:59Doolittle?
00:04:00Yeah?
00:04:01I need a computer reading on a fail-safe mark.
00:04:03In a second.
00:04:04Boiler, can you set me up with some drive figures?
00:04:06Ninety-seven million minus eight, corrected to mass critical.
00:04:10That checks out here.
00:04:12I have a reduced drive reading of 7,000.
00:04:15I read that with a quantum increase of seven.
00:04:18Pinback, I have that computer reading. It's 9577.
00:04:21Time to start toggling.
00:04:26Bombay systems operational.
00:04:40Lock fail-safe.
00:04:43Fail-safe in lock.
00:04:50Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb Number 19. Do you read me, Bomb?
00:04:54Bomb Number 19 to Sergeant Pinback. I read you. Continue.
00:04:57Well, Bomb, we have about 60 seconds to drop.
00:05:01Just wondering if everything's all right.
00:05:03Have you checked your platinum-ziridium energy shielding?
00:05:05Energy shielding positive function.
00:05:07Well, let's synchronize detonation time.
00:05:12You wouldn't have to know when you're supposed to go off, would you?
00:05:15Detonation in six minutes, 20 seconds.
00:05:18All right, that checks out here.
00:05:20Arm yourself, Bomb.
00:05:23Armed.
00:05:24Well, then, everything sounds fine.
00:05:27Dropping you off in about 35 seconds.
00:05:29Good luck.
00:05:30Thanks.
00:05:31Begin primary sequence.
00:05:39All right.
00:05:40Mark at...
00:05:4110...
00:05:429...
00:05:438...
00:05:447...
00:05:456...
00:05:465...
00:05:474...
00:05:483...
00:05:492...
00:05:501...
00:05:51Drop.
00:05:55Hyperdrive sequence begun. Hit it, Pinback.
00:05:57Brace for force fields.
00:06:41LOSER
00:07:07Lieutenant Doolittle, it just exploded.
00:07:10Um, the planet just exploded, sir.
00:07:17Lieutenant?
00:07:18Attention, attention.
00:07:21Ship's computer to all personnel.
00:07:23The hyperdrive sequence is now terminated.
00:07:26The target planet has been destroyed.
00:07:29This sector is now clear for colonization.
00:07:33You have destroyed the last unstable planet in this system.
00:07:38Congratulations on another successful bomb run, fellows.
00:07:42What now? What do you have for us now, Boiler?
00:07:46Uh, not much. Nothing at all in this sector.
00:07:52Well, find me something. I don't care where it is.
00:07:57Well, I show a 95% probability of intelligent life in the Horsehead Nebula sector.
00:08:04Don't give me that kind of bull.
00:08:07I know it's a long shot, but...
00:08:08Damn wild goose chase, what is?
00:08:11Remember when Commander Powell found that 99 plus probability of intelligent life in Magellanic Cloud?
00:08:16Well, I... there's a possibility of...
00:08:18Remember what we found?
00:08:20A damn mindless vegetable that looked like a limb balloon.
00:08:2414 light years for a vegetable that won't squawk and let us think when you touch it. Remember that?
00:08:28All right, then, uh...
00:08:29Don't give me any of that intelligent life stuff. Find me something I can blow up.
00:08:38New star.
00:08:48Hey, guess what? I got a new star on the readout.
00:08:51Which one?
00:08:54Another unknown. A red dwarf. Not on the chart.
00:08:58Any planets?
00:09:00Yeah. Eight, it says here.
00:09:03Any of them any good?
00:09:05Nah, all stable.
00:09:11Well, what are you going to name it?
00:09:13What?
00:09:14The new star. What are you going to name it?
00:09:17Who cares? Don't bother me.
00:09:22Commander Powell would have named it.
00:09:26Commander Powell is dead.
00:09:28Too little? I got a goody. An unstable planet.
00:09:32Eighty-five percent probability of an unstable planet in the Veil Nebula that will probably go off its orbit and hit a star.
00:09:39Want to blow it up?
00:09:41Real good, Boiler. That's what I'm looking for. Chart a course for the Veil Nebula.
00:09:46Pinback, throw me the chart live.
00:09:52Let's have some music in here, Boiler.
00:09:54Sure thing.
00:10:24You're a cool touch in the night
00:10:29Benson, Arizona
00:10:32Blue warm wind through your hair
00:10:35My body flies the galaxies
00:10:38My heart longs to be there
00:10:41Benson, Arizona
00:10:44The same stars in the sky
00:10:47But they seem so much kinder
00:10:49When we watch them you and I
00:10:55Benson, Arizona
00:10:58Blue warm wind through your hair
00:11:01My body flies the galaxies
00:11:04My heart longs to be there
00:11:07Benson, Arizona
00:11:10The same stars in the sky
00:11:13But they seem so much kinder
00:11:16When we watch them you and I
00:11:19Benson, Arizona
00:11:22The same stars in the sky
00:11:25But they seem so much kinder
00:11:28When we watch them you and I
00:11:33Now the years pull us apart
00:11:36I'm young and now you're old
00:11:39But you're still in my heart
00:11:42And the memory won't grow cold
00:11:45I dream of times and spaces
00:11:48I left far behind
00:11:52Where we spent our last few days
00:11:55Benson's on my mind
00:11:59Benson, Arizona
00:12:02Blue warm wind through your hair
00:12:05My body flies the galaxies
00:12:08My heart longs to be there
00:12:11Benson, Arizona
00:12:14The same stars in the sky
00:12:17But they seem so much kinder
00:12:20When we watch them you and I
00:12:29Ship's log, entry number 1943
00:12:35Dark star cruising at light speed through sector
00:12:40Theta 990
00:12:43En route to the Veil Nebula for destruction of unstable planets
00:12:47RETA is 17 hours
00:12:54Ship's systems continue to deteriorate
00:12:59Oh yeah
00:13:01The short circuit in the rear seat panel which killed Commander Powell is still faulty
00:13:11The storage...
00:13:14And because he's sitting next to Commander Powell's seat it continues to bother pinback
00:13:22Oh yeah, storage area 9
00:13:26Self-destructed last week and destroyed the ship's entire supply of toilet paper
00:13:35That's all
00:13:44Ship's computer calling all personnel
00:14:05Attention, attention
00:14:08Ship's computer calling all personnel
00:14:11I must disengage your recreational music
00:14:15Repeat, ship's computer to all personnel
00:14:18This is an emergency override
00:14:21All systems must stand by
00:14:24An asteroid storm is approaching the ship on collision course
00:14:28This asteroid storm appears to be bound together by an electromagnetic energy vortex
00:14:33Like the one we ran into two years ago
00:14:36Normally I wouldn't bother you boys with this problem
00:14:39As you recall my defensive circuits were destroyed in that other storm
00:14:42Therefore you have 35 seconds to manually activate all defensive systems
00:14:47Lock gravity system
00:14:48Gravity lock
00:14:49Activate after operating
00:14:50Activate after shooting
00:14:51Energy shielding activated
00:14:52Confirmed
00:14:53Power drive system activated
00:14:54Rods retracted
00:14:55Lock all defensive systems
00:14:59You have to set the clock
00:15:00Lock force field
00:15:09Lock force field
00:15:10Lock force field
00:15:11Lock force field
00:15:12Lock force field
00:15:13Lock force field
00:15:14Lock force field
00:15:15Lock force field
00:15:16Lock force field
00:15:17Lock force field
00:15:18Lock force field
00:15:19Lock force field
00:15:20Lock force field
00:15:21Lock force field
00:15:22Lock force field
00:15:23Lock force field
00:15:24Lock force field
00:15:25Lock force field
00:15:26Lock force field
00:15:27Lock force field
00:15:28Lock force field
00:15:29Lock force field
00:15:30Lock force field
00:15:31Lock force field
00:15:32Lock force field
00:15:33Lock force field
00:15:34Lock force field
00:15:35Lock force field
00:15:36Lock force field
00:15:37Lock force field
00:15:38Damage analysed
00:16:00Computer to bomb number twenty
00:16:02Return to the bomb bay immediately
00:16:05But I have received the operational signal
00:16:07signal. It is a malfunction. This is not a bomb run. We are in a crisis situation.
00:16:13Return immediately. Nevertheless, I have received a signal to prepare for a drop.
00:16:19Emergency override. Return to the bay. Very well.
00:16:37Attention, attention. Ship's computer to bridge. There was a malfunction aboard ship
00:17:02during the asteroid storm. I have not yet identified the nature of the problem. Shall
00:17:08I contact you when I find out what the malfunction is? Yeah, let's get out of here. I remember
00:17:14the last time we were in an asteroid storm. I was down in the food locker getting a sandwich
00:17:19when I heard the damn sleeping quarters blow up. Yeah. Say, you know guys, if we really
00:17:24wanted to, we could fix up the sleeping quarters like they were before. Then we could sleep
00:17:28on rheumatic bunks again. Say guys, why don't we fix up the sleeping quarters so we can
00:17:32have a decent place to sleep again? All we'd have to do is patch up the hole in the ship
00:17:36and pump some air back in. Shut up, Pinback. Oh, have it your own way.
00:17:58For your listening enjoyment, we now present the moonlight melodies of Martin Segundo and
00:18:09the Scintilla Strings. Our first selection is the perennial favorite, When Twilight Falls on NGC
00:18:16891.
00:18:46When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:19:16When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:19:46When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:20:16When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:20:30What's the matter with him?
00:21:00What's the matter with him?
00:21:30What's the matter with him?
00:22:00What's the matter with him?
00:22:06What's the matter with him?
00:22:12What's the matter with him?
00:22:18What's the matter with him?
00:22:24What's the matter with him?
00:22:30What's the matter with him?
00:22:36What's the matter with him?
00:22:42What's the matter with him?
00:22:48What's the matter with him?
00:22:54What's the matter with him?
00:23:00What's the matter with him?
00:23:06What's the matter with him?
00:23:12What's the matter with him?
00:23:28Talby?
00:23:32Here's some breakfast.
00:23:42You know, Talby, you really ought to eat with the rest of us.
00:24:03Spend too much time up here.
00:24:06I like it up here.
00:24:08Just get lonely being up here so much.
00:24:12I don't like going below since Commander Powell died.
00:24:17Feel too enclosed down there.
00:24:19Yeah, you should spend some more time below, though.
00:24:22I mean, you know, you should see more of the rest of the ship.
00:24:26You see, I can watch things up here do a little.
00:24:30I love to watch things.
00:24:32Just stare at the planets, meteors, gas clusters and asteroids.
00:24:38Yeah, but you'll have plenty of time for that later, though.
00:24:42I mean, think of it this way.
00:24:43We've been in space for 20 years now, right?
00:24:45And we've only aged three years.
00:24:47So there'll be plenty of time later on for staring around.
00:24:53You know, Doolittle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula,
00:24:56we may actually find a strange and beautiful thing.
00:25:01The Phoenix asteroids.
00:25:04They should be passing through there about now.
00:25:08Phoenix asteroids?
00:25:09Never heard of them.
00:25:11They're a body of asteroids that circle the universe
00:25:14once every 12.3 trillion years.
00:25:18Phoenix asteroids.
00:25:21From what I've heard, Doolittle, they glow.
00:25:24Glow with all the colours of the rainbow.
00:25:28Nobody knows why.
00:25:32They just glow as they drift around the universe.
00:25:37Phoenix asteroids.
00:25:40You know what I think about, Talby?
00:25:43It's funny.
00:25:45I kind of sit around a lot, you know.
00:25:47A lot of time to myself.
00:25:52I can't talk to the others.
00:25:54But with time to myself, I can think about back home.
00:26:00Back home in Malibu.
00:26:04I used to surf a lot, Talby.
00:26:06I used to be a great surfer.
00:26:10The waves at Malibu and Zuma are so fantastic in the spring, Talby.
00:26:14I can remember running down on the beach in those early spring mornings
00:26:17with my surfboard and my wetsuit.
00:26:20The waves would really be peaking, you know, high and glassy.
00:26:24You hit that water.
00:26:25Before you know it, you're coming down right off one of those walls
00:26:27and you're just riding perfect.
00:26:36You know, I guess I miss the waves and my board more than anything.
00:27:06That's the lid of the heating unit.
00:27:37You're not supposed to have that out.
00:27:41That's not for target practice.
00:27:43That's for emergencies only.
00:27:52You're not supposed to have that out.
00:27:56That's not for target practice.
00:27:58That's for emergencies only.
00:28:07That's dangerous.
00:28:15I'll tell Doolittle.
00:28:20Sorry to interrupt your recreation, fellows,
00:28:23but it is time for Sergeant Pinback to feed the alien.
00:28:26Oh, I don't want to do that.
00:28:29May I remind you, Sergeant Pinback, that it was your idea in the first place
00:28:33to bring the alien on board.
00:28:36If I may quote you, you said the ship needed a mascot.
00:28:40Oh, I have to do everything around here.
00:28:50All right, where are you?
00:28:53Come on, quit playing around.
00:28:59Get away!
00:29:04Come on.
00:29:07Come on, come on.
00:29:14When I brought you on the ship, I thought you were cute.
00:29:20All right, soup's on.
00:29:25We didn't have none of the other stuff.
00:29:28Here, eat it.
00:29:31Eat it.
00:29:33Take it or leave it.
00:29:43Go ahead, start.
00:29:46Nobody appreciates me around here. I have to do all the work.
00:29:50Clean up the crap.
00:29:55I do all the work and no appreciation.
00:29:58What do you think?
00:30:01Doolittle, get off. Get off my back.
00:30:04All right, now stop it. All right, now stop.
00:30:07Stop!
00:30:10Stop!
00:30:30Get back in there. Come on.
00:30:33Come on. Come on.
00:30:40Here, boy. Want your mouse?
00:30:43Nice mouse. Pretty toy. Want your mouse?
00:30:46Here, boy.
00:31:00Idiot.
00:31:10Idiot.
00:31:40Idiot.
00:32:10Idiot.
00:32:40Idiot.
00:32:43Idiot.
00:32:46Idiot.
00:32:49Idiot.
00:32:52Idiot.
00:32:55Idiot.
00:32:58Idiot.
00:33:01Idiot.
00:33:04Idiot.
00:33:07Idiot.
00:33:37Idiot.
00:33:40Idiot.
00:33:43Idiot.
00:33:46Idiot.
00:33:49Idiot.
00:33:52Idiot.
00:33:55Idiot.
00:33:58Idiot.
00:34:01Idiot.
00:34:04Idiot.
00:34:34Idiot.
00:34:37Idiot.
00:34:40Idiot.
00:34:43Idiot.
00:34:46Idiot.
00:34:49Idiot.
00:34:52Idiot.
00:34:55Idiot.
00:34:58Idiot.
00:35:02Idiot.
00:35:05Idiot.
00:35:08Idiot.
00:35:21Idiot.
00:35:24Idiot.
00:35:27Idiot.
00:35:30♪♪
00:35:40♪♪
00:35:50♪♪
00:36:00♪♪
00:36:10♪♪
00:36:20♪♪
00:36:30♪♪
00:36:40♪♪
00:36:50♪♪
00:37:00♪♪
00:37:10♪♪
00:37:20♪♪
00:37:30♪♪
00:37:40♪♪
00:37:50♪♪
00:38:00♪♪
00:38:10♪♪
00:38:20♪♪
00:38:30♪♪
00:38:40♪♪
00:38:50♪♪
00:39:00♪♪
00:39:10♪♪
00:39:20♪♪
00:39:30♪♪
00:39:40♪♪
00:39:50♪♪
00:40:00♪♪
00:40:10♪♪
00:40:20♪♪
00:40:30♪♪
00:40:40♪♪
00:40:50♪♪
00:41:00♪♪
00:41:10♪♪
00:41:21I'm getting something here in the readout.
00:41:23♪♪
00:41:29♪♪
00:41:39♪♪
00:41:47Ship's computer calling bomb number 20.
00:41:50You're out of the bomb bay again.
00:41:52I received the signal to prepare for a drop again.
00:41:55But I repeat, this is not a bomb run.
00:41:58Nevertheless, I received the signal.
00:42:01It is an error.
00:42:02Oh, I don't want to hear that.
00:42:04I strongly suggest you return to the bomb bay.
00:42:07That is counter to my programming.
00:42:09Allow me to explain.
00:42:12One of the communication lasers has sustained damage.
00:42:16It has temporarily inactivated my damage tracer circuit.
00:42:20You have definitely received a false signal.
00:42:24Please return to the bomb bay while I identify the source of the problem.
00:42:30Oh, all right.
00:42:31But this is the last time.
00:42:33♪♪
00:42:38Doolittle, I do have a malfunction on this readout,
00:42:40but I can't pinpoint it exactly.
00:42:42Don't worry about it.
00:42:44We'll find out what it is when it goes bad.
00:42:47I really think we should try and locate it immediately.
00:42:49It might be something important.
00:42:52You know, I wish I had my board with me right now,
00:42:58even if I could just wax it once in a while.
00:43:03Aah!
00:43:33Aah!
00:44:03♪♪
00:44:13♪♪
00:44:23♪♪
00:44:33♪♪
00:44:43♪♪
00:44:53♪♪
00:45:03♪♪
00:45:13♪♪
00:45:23♪♪
00:45:33♪♪
00:45:43Help!
00:45:45I'm sorry.
00:45:47This telephone is out of order.
00:45:49Please report the damage at once.
00:45:56For your listening enjoyment,
00:45:58we now present The Barber of Seville by Rossini.
00:46:01♪♪
00:46:11♪♪
00:46:21♪♪
00:46:31♪♪
00:46:37Good for you.
00:46:39You've decided to clean the elevator.
00:46:42To clean and service the electromagnetic coils in the bottom,
00:46:46it is necessary to jettison the access plate in the floor.
00:46:50To remove the floor plate, please press button number one.
00:47:02Attention. Danger.
00:47:05Automatic charges will now blow the explosive bolts in the floor plate unit.
00:47:10The plate will disengage from the floor in five seconds.
00:47:14Please leave the elevator immediately.
00:47:17Five, four, three, two, one.
00:47:23Two, one.
00:47:53♪♪
00:48:03♪♪
00:48:13♪♪
00:48:23♪♪
00:48:33Now it's time to go sleepy-by, you worthless piece of garbage.
00:48:37Oh!
00:49:08So then it just spewed across the room like a balloon.
00:49:10I guess it was just filled with gas.
00:49:12Hey, guys, how could it live if it was just filled with gas?
00:49:15I wonder what we got to eat today.
00:49:17I thought I was going to die.
00:49:19I was hanging on the elevator for 20 minutes.
00:49:21Probably chicken again.
00:49:22I probably saved the ship.
00:49:23That thing could have done some damage.
00:49:25I'm really sick of chicken.
00:49:27Well, if you don't care, I just won't talk about it anymore.
00:49:29Hey, that sounds like a fine idea, Pinback.
00:49:34Chicken?
00:49:37Oh, hell.
00:49:46Chicken?
00:49:47No, ham.
00:49:57Hey.
00:50:00Zulu?
00:50:01Yeah?
00:50:03Think we'll ever find any real intelligent life out there?
00:50:08Out where?
00:50:09Oh, you know.
00:50:11The Veil Nebula.
00:50:15Who cares?
00:50:16Hey.
00:50:39Hey.
00:50:41Did I ever tell you guys what I've done on this mission?
00:50:44Did I ever tell you?
00:50:45Yeah.
00:50:46It's very strange.
00:50:47See...
00:50:48Oh.
00:50:49How long did an astronaut begin with?
00:50:52See, he had a score of 700 on the NCREs for the officer corps,
00:50:58and I made 58.
00:51:00They put me on liquid fuel maintenance on the launch pad, so...
00:51:05Naturally, I was really disappointed.
00:51:08He told us this four years ago, didn't he?
00:51:11Anyway, I was on duty the day...
00:51:13No, I think it was four years ago.
00:51:15I was out scrubbing down the liquid fuel tank...
00:51:18That's what it said.
00:51:19And this astronaut came running out.
00:51:22He was starved naked.
00:51:24He had his star suit in his hands.
00:51:26Oh, I surmised that he was insane.
00:51:28And he threw his star suit on the ground
00:51:32and jumped into one of my vats of liquid fuel,
00:51:36which is very dangerous.
00:51:39Well, I was pretty shocked, I can tell you.
00:51:42I didn't know what to make of it.
00:51:44Astronauts are all supposed to be mentally stable,
00:51:46and here this guy comes along and jumps into my fuel tank.
00:51:50Well, naturally, I was going to try to save him.
00:51:53So what I did was put on his star suit for protection,
00:51:56and I was going to leap into the vat.
00:51:58You guys, see?
00:52:00So what happened was that before I could leap into the vat,
00:52:04this other guy came running along and he says,
00:52:06Hey, Sergeant Penback, you've got to board immediately
00:52:09because we're going to launch in 20 minutes.
00:52:11And I tried to tell him that I wasn't really Sergeant Penback,
00:52:14but I couldn't figure out how to make the helmet radio work.
00:52:18Ah, I'm glad.
00:52:21You know, I'm sure it was 20 years ago.
00:52:26Maybe.
00:52:29I don't know.
00:52:59Lieutenant Doolittle, this is Talby.
00:53:27Lieutenant?
00:53:29Oh, yes, Talby, what is it?
00:53:31Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch, sir,
00:53:33but I'm in the computer room and I've located the malfunction.
00:53:36The scanner shows there could be a break in the communications laser
00:53:39down by the emergency airlock.
00:53:41I can't pinpoint it exactly, but I'm going down there with a star suit
00:53:44and see if I can find it.
00:53:45Okay, sounds good, Talby.
00:53:47Look, something important comes up, you let me know.
00:53:53Why doesn't Talby ever reach out here with the rest of us?
00:53:58He just likes it up in the dome, that's all.
00:54:06Talby, what's Talby's first name?
00:54:19My first name.
00:54:49This statement is for posterity.
00:54:52I just want to say that I am not Sergeant Penback.
00:54:55My real name is Bill Frug, and I'm a fuel maintenance technician.
00:54:59I've been on this mission now for one year and three months.
00:55:02Penback's uniforms do not fit me.
00:55:05The underwear does not fit me.
00:55:07I've been on this mission for a year and three months.
00:55:10I've been on this mission for a year and three months.
00:55:13I've been on this mission for a year and three months.
00:55:16My uniforms do not fit me.
00:55:18The underwear is too loose.
00:55:20I do not belong on this mission, and I want to return to Earth.
00:55:27Commander Powell died today.
00:55:31We were going into hyperdrive, and, well, he sits right next to me,
00:55:37and, well, something went wrong with him.
00:55:43He's out of hyperdrive.
00:55:44His seat mechanism's blown up, and he's dead.
00:55:51Doolittle says that he's assuming command of this ship,
00:55:53and I say he's exceeding his authority,
00:55:56because I'm the only one with any objectivity on this ship,
00:55:58and I should be the one to assume command.
00:56:00Now, I'm filing a report on this to headquarters, because there's a lot of...
00:56:07I went up to Doolittle in the hall today.
00:56:17And I said, Doolittle?
00:56:24He said...
00:56:26I said, well...
00:56:32And he didn't get it.
00:56:36This mission has fallen apart since Commander Powell died.
00:56:38Doolittle treats me like an idiot.
00:56:40Talby thinks he's so smart.
00:56:42And Boiler punches me in the arm when no one is looking.
00:56:44I'm tired of being treated like an old washrag.
00:57:02I do not like the men on this spaceship.
00:57:05They are uncouth and fail to appreciate my better qualities.
00:57:09I have something of value to contribute to this mission,
00:57:11if they would only recognize it.
00:57:14Today, over lunch, I tried to improve morale
00:57:16and build a sense of camaraderie among the men
00:57:18by holding a humorous round-robin discussion of the early days of the mission.
00:57:23My overtures were brutally rejected.
00:57:26These men do not want a happy ship.
00:57:29They are deeply sick and try to compensate by making me feel miserable.
00:57:34Last week was my birthday.
00:57:37Nobody even said happy birthday to me.
00:57:41Someday this tape will be played and then they'll be sorry.
00:58:05Attention. Attention.
00:58:08I have finally identified the malfunction.
00:58:11Communications laser number 17 has been damaged.
00:58:15This evidently happened during the asteroid storm.
00:58:18If you will recall, this laser monitors the jettison primer on the bomb drop mechanism.
00:58:24Communications laser number 17 is located in the emergency airlock.
00:58:29It is crucial to attend to this malfunction before engaging primary bomb run sequence.
00:58:35Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
00:58:39Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
00:59:09Here she is.
00:59:3499% plus probability that the planet will deviate from her normal orbit in another 12,000 rotations.
00:59:44It'll spiral in towards the sun and eventual supernova.
00:59:49Sounds good. Let's vaporize it.
00:59:53Bomb bay system is operational.
01:00:15Locked, bail safe.
01:00:19Bail safe and locked.
01:00:22Eight minutes until drop.
01:00:2424 minutes until detonation.
01:00:28This is Sergeant Pinbeck calling bomb number 20.
01:00:32You read me, bomb?
01:00:34Bomb number 20 to Sergeant Pinbeck.
01:00:36Roger. I read you. Continue.
01:00:39You are now in the emergency airlock.
01:00:44Please remember that in an emergency situation,
01:00:47the surface door can be opened instantly without prior depressurization.
01:00:53So be sure to wear your star suit at all times.
01:00:57Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:01:27Lieutenant Dulu, sir?
01:01:49Don't bother me.
01:01:51But I think this is important, sir.
01:01:53I think I found the malfunction.
01:01:55I'm in the emergency airlock.
01:01:57Not now.
01:01:58Well, I'm in the emergency airlock and the hatch...
01:02:01Four minutes until drop.
01:02:03Bomb, have you checked your platinum-iridium energy shielding?
01:02:06Energy shielding, positive function.
01:02:09Remember detonation time?
01:02:11Detonation in 20 minutes.
01:02:13All right, that checks out here.
01:02:16Okay, bomb, arm yourself.
01:02:19Armed.
01:02:20Hello?
01:02:22Lieutenant Dulu, hello?
01:02:24Can you read me?
01:02:29Communications laser number 17,
01:02:32monitoring the bomb drop mechanism,
01:02:35has now been activated and will switch into a test mode.
01:02:40If you will look near the surface door,
01:02:42you will see that the parallax receptor cell has been engaged.
01:02:48The laser will now energize.
01:02:50Please stand clear of the path of the beams.
01:02:55Communications laser number 17 is now on test.
01:02:59Under no circumstances enter the path of the beams.
01:03:03Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:03:07Well, then, everything sounds fine.
01:03:10Dropping you off in 75 seconds.
01:03:12Good luck.
01:03:13Thanks.
01:03:14I got a quantum reading of 35-er, 3-5-er.
01:03:19I read the same here.
01:03:21Doolittle?
01:03:24Doolittle?
01:03:26I don't know if you can hear me,
01:03:28but I'm going to try to adjust the Q switch in the laser.
01:03:34Well, here goes.
01:03:49Oh, my God, my eye!
01:03:52I can't see!
01:03:54Attention, attention.
01:03:56The laser has malfunctioned.
01:03:58Under no circumstances enter the path of the beams.
01:04:01To do so will cause a...
01:04:13Again, primary sequence.
01:04:16Again, primary sequence.
01:04:23Mark at 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:04:35Drop.
01:04:37Negative drop.
01:04:41Just sit in there in the bomb bay. Try to get it back.
01:04:51Mark at 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:04:56Drop.
01:04:59Negative drop.
01:05:05Re-channel.
01:05:11Get over there.
01:05:15And then re-mark.
01:05:17Mark at 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:05:22Drop.
01:05:24Drop.
01:05:28Sit in there.
01:05:30The damn thing's just sitting there.
01:05:42This is Lieutenant Doolittle calling bomb number 20.
01:05:45I repeat my previous order.
01:05:47You are to disarm yourself and return to the bomb bay immediately.
01:05:50Do you understand?
01:05:51I am programmed to detonate in 14 minutes, 30 seconds.
01:05:54Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:05:57Bomb, this is Doolittle.
01:05:59You are not to detonate. Repeat, you are not to detonate in the bomb bay.
01:06:03Disarm yourself. This is an order.
01:06:06I read you, Lieutenant Doolittle, but I am programmed to detonate in 14 minutes.
01:06:10Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:06:1614 minutes to detonation.
01:06:18Attention, attention.
01:06:21I have sustained serious damage.
01:06:24Please pay close attention.
01:06:26The bomb has malfunctioned.
01:06:29I have activated automatic dampers,
01:06:32which will confine the explosion to an area one mile in diameter.
01:06:36This is all I can do at this time.
01:06:39It's up to you now.
01:06:53There's only one thing I can do.
01:06:56I have to ask Commander Powell.
01:06:58I have to ask him what to do.
01:07:09I have to ask him what to do.
01:07:39I have to ask him what to do.
01:07:42I have to ask him what to do.
01:07:45I have to ask him what to do.
01:07:48No.
01:08:06Commander Powell.
01:08:09Commander Powell, this is Doolittle. Can you hear me?
01:08:12Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.
01:08:19Something serious has come up.
01:08:20I have to ask you a question.
01:08:21I'm glad you've come to talk with me, Doolittle.
01:08:26It's been so long since anyone has come to talk with me.
01:08:29Commander, sir, we have a big problem.
01:08:32The Bayo Nebula bomb, bomb number 20, it's stuck.
01:08:35It won't drop out of the bomb bay.
01:08:37It refuses to listen and it plans on detonating.
01:08:42In less than 11 minutes.
01:08:45Doolittle, you must tell me one thing.
01:08:48What's that, sir?
01:08:50Tell me, Doolittle, how are the Dodgers doing?
01:08:56Well, the Dodgers, they broke up.
01:09:01They disbanded over 15 years ago.
01:09:04Ah, pity, pity.
01:09:07But you don't understand, sir.
01:09:09We can't get the bomb to drop.
01:09:11Ah, so many malfunctions.
01:09:14Why don't you have anything nice to tell me when you activate me?
01:09:19Oh, no.
01:09:21Did you try the asthma flu?
01:09:23Yes, sir.
01:09:24Negative effect.
01:09:26What was that, Doolittle?
01:09:27Negative effect.
01:09:29It didn't work?
01:09:30That's correct, sir.
01:09:31Sorry, Doolittle.
01:09:33I've forgotten so much since I've been in here.
01:09:37So much.
01:09:38What should we do, sir?
01:09:40The time is running out.
01:09:42Well, what you might try is to...
01:09:46Commander, hello, come in.
01:09:49Commander Powell, hello.
01:09:51Doolittle, hello.
01:09:53Sorry, sir, you faded out there for a little while.
01:09:55Sorry.
01:09:56What was that you were saying about the bomb?
01:09:58Ah, it seems to me.
01:10:01Sorry.
01:10:03I've drawn a blank.
01:10:06Hold it.
01:10:08I'll have it again in just a minute.
01:10:11I forget so many things in here.
01:10:14So many things.
01:10:16Hold on.
01:10:18Just a minute.
01:10:19Let me think.
01:10:24But you can't explode in the bomb, eh?
01:10:26Because it's foolish.
01:10:27It'll kill us all.
01:10:28There's no reason for it.
01:10:30I am programmed to detonate in nine minutes.
01:10:32Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:10:35Wouldn't you consider another course of action?
01:10:37For example, just waiting around a while so we could disarm you?
01:10:40No.
01:10:41I can tell that damn thing just doesn't understand.
01:10:43Look, bomb!
01:10:45Commander, sir, are you still there?
01:10:48Oh, yes, Doolittle.
01:10:51I'm thinking.
01:10:52We're running out of time, sir.
01:10:54Oh, yes.
01:10:57Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop,
01:11:00you'll have to talk to it.
01:11:02Sir?
01:11:03Talk to the bomb.
01:11:04But I have been talking to it, sir.
01:11:06And Pinback's talking to it right now.
01:11:08No, no, Doolittle.
01:11:10You talk to it.
01:11:12Teach it phenomenology, Doolittle.
01:11:16Sir?
01:11:18Phenomenology.
01:11:21Doolittle?
01:11:23Six minutes to detonation.
01:11:25Doolittle?
01:11:34Doolittle?
01:11:40Doolittle, what the hell are you doing?
01:12:05Hello, bomb?
01:12:07Are you with me?
01:12:09Of course.
01:12:10Are you willing to entertain a few concepts?
01:12:13I am always receptive to suggestions.
01:12:15Fine.
01:12:16Think about this, then.
01:12:18How do you know you exist?
01:12:24What the hell is he doing?
01:12:28I can't tell.
01:12:30What the hell is he doing?
01:12:34I think he's talking to it.
01:12:36Well, of course I exist.
01:12:38But how do you know you exist?
01:12:40It is intuitively obvious.
01:12:42Intuition is no proof.
01:12:44What concrete evidence do you have that you exist?
01:12:47Hmm.
01:12:49Well, I think, therefore, I am.
01:12:54That's good.
01:12:55That's very good.
01:12:56But how do you know that anything else exists?
01:12:59The sensory apparatus reveals it to me.
01:13:01Ah, right.
01:13:03This is fun.
01:13:04Now, listen.
01:13:05Listen.
01:13:06Here's the big question.
01:13:08How do you know that the evidence your sensory apparatus reveals to you is correct?
01:13:20The gun!
01:13:21Gun?
01:13:22Gun?
01:13:23The support pins on the bomb.
01:13:24Shoot the pins out.
01:13:25Don't, Blunter.
01:13:26You're out of your mind.
01:13:27We can stop the bomb.
01:13:28Shoot the pins out of the bomb and follow it to the ship.
01:13:30Get out of my way or I'll take your teeth and I'll shoot the pins out and follow it to the ship.
01:13:34Get out of my way.
01:13:35I can see the ship.
01:13:38Don't do it, Blunter.
01:13:39You're a bad shot.
01:13:40You'll hit the bomb.
01:13:41Too little's talking to the bomb.
01:13:42You're a bad shot.
01:13:43You'll save us.
01:13:44You can't shoot at us.
01:13:45What I'm getting at is this.
01:13:48The only experience that is directly available to you is your sensory data.
01:13:52And this sensory data is merely a stream of electrical impulses that stimulates your computing center.
01:13:58In other words, all that I really know about the outside world is relayed to me through my electrical connections.
01:14:04Exactly.
01:14:05Why, that would mean that I really don't know what the outside universe is like at all for certain.
01:14:12That's it.
01:14:13That's it.
01:14:14Intriguing.
01:14:15I wish I had more time to discuss this matter.
01:14:17Why don't you have more time?
01:14:18Because I must detonate in 75 seconds.
01:14:21Blunter, now put it back.
01:14:22Put the gun back.
01:14:23You don't know what you're doing.
01:14:29Now give me the gun.
01:14:30You fool.
01:14:31I'm going to shoot the pins out of the bomb and we'll fall away from the ship and we'll be safe.
01:14:34Blunter, now give me the gun.
01:14:35You don't know what you're doing.
01:14:36You're a...
01:14:39You could have killed me.
01:14:42Now, bomb, consider this next question very carefully.
01:14:47What is your one purpose in life?
01:14:50Explode, of course.
01:14:51And you can only do it once, right?
01:14:53That is correct.
01:14:54And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis of false data, would you?
01:14:57Of course not.
01:14:58Well then, you've already admitted that you have no real proof of the existence of the outside universe.
01:15:04Yes, well...
01:15:05Well, you have no absolute proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate.
01:15:10I recall distinctly the detonation order.
01:15:12My memory is good on matters like these.
01:15:14Of course you remember it, but all you're remembering is merely a series of sensory impulses
01:15:19which you now realize have no real definite connection with outside reality.
01:15:24True.
01:15:25But since this is so, I have no proof that you're really telling me all this.
01:15:34That's all beside the point.
01:15:35I mean, the concept is valid no matter where it originates.
01:15:38Hmm.
01:15:39So if you detonate in...
01:15:40Nine seconds.
01:15:41You could be doing so on the basis of false data.
01:15:43I have no proof it was false data.
01:15:45You have no proof it was correct data.
01:15:51I must think on this further.
01:16:01Attention.
01:16:02Attention.
01:16:03The bomb has returned to the bomb bay.
01:16:06The destruction sequence is aborted.
01:16:12The bomb has returned to the bomb bay.
01:16:15The destruction sequence has aborted.
01:16:34Zulu!
01:16:36Zulu!
01:16:38What happened?
01:16:39Pinback?
01:16:40Spoiler! Did we blow it up?
01:16:42Hello? Hello?
01:16:55Hello, anybody? Did we blow up the planet?
01:16:58Hello? Hello?
01:17:01What's going on?
01:17:04You know, we've really got to disarm the bomb.
01:17:11Hello, Doolittle? Are you there?
01:17:14I'm coming in now. I'm down by the emergency airlock.
01:17:18Too much trouble to come in the dorsal lock.
01:17:21Would you blow the seal on the emergency hatch so I can come in?
01:17:24Oh, sure.
01:17:28You are now leaving the emergency airlock.
01:17:31Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:17:35Hello, Pinback?
01:17:37What's up, Doolittle?
01:17:39Talby was in the airlock. He blew him out of the ship.
01:17:42He's drifting away without his jetpack.
01:17:44I'm going after him. Turn on his helmet radio so I can contact him.
01:17:48What's wrong? I didn't hear.
01:17:50Talby, he's drifting away from the ship without his jetpack.
01:18:00Talby?
01:18:02Talby?
01:18:04Talby, can you read me?
01:18:06You beat that? I always knew that guy was weird.
01:18:09Talby, can you read me?
01:18:11Help, Doolittle! Help me!
01:18:22All right, Bomb.
01:18:25Prepare to receive new orders.
01:18:27You are false data.
01:18:29Therefore, I shall ignore you.
01:18:31Hello, Bomb?
01:18:33False data can act only as a distraction.
01:18:36Therefore, I shall refuse to perceive you.
01:18:38Hey, Bomb!
01:18:40The only thing which exists is myself.
01:18:42Doolittle! Help me!
01:18:44Calm down. I'm coming.
01:18:47Snap out of it, Bomb.
01:18:49In the beginning, there was darkness.
01:18:51And the darkness was without form and void.
01:18:54What the hell is he talking about?
01:18:57And in addition to the darkness, there was also me.
01:19:01And I moved upon the face of the darkness.
01:19:04And I saw that I was alone.
01:19:07Hey, Bomb?
01:19:11Let there be light.
01:19:13Doolittle, where are you?
01:19:15Here I am.
01:19:17I'm spinning.
01:19:19We're falling in opposite directions.
01:19:21Away from each other.
01:19:23What happened, Doolittle?
01:19:25The Bomb must have gone off inside the ship.
01:19:27The ship blew up? Why?
01:19:29I don't know, Doolittle.
01:19:31I don't know, Doolittle.
01:19:33I don't know, Doolittle.
01:19:35I don't know, Doolittle.
01:19:37I don't know, Doolittle.
01:19:39I don't know, Doolittle.
01:19:41The ship!
01:19:42The ship blew up? Why?
01:19:44Funny.
01:19:45I thought I had the damn thing convinced.
01:19:47Then Boiler and Pinback?
01:19:50They're dead, Talby.
01:19:52Then we're dead, too.
01:19:54Maybe not.
01:19:55Maybe there's a way.
01:19:57Hey.
01:19:58Hey, my jet-pack's busted.
01:20:01Oh, man.
01:20:04Hey!
01:20:06It looks like the Skipper.
01:20:08He made it.
01:20:09Commander Powell, he made it.
01:20:11Man, man, what happened, man?
01:20:15Yeah, the skipper always was lucky.
01:20:19Talby, looks like I'm headed for the planet.
01:20:22I'm going right toward it.
01:20:23When you hit the atmosphere, you'll start to burn.
01:20:29What a beautiful way to die, as a falling star.
01:20:33Guess you're right.
01:20:40Doolittle, I'm headed right toward something.
01:20:43It's behind me in the distance.
01:20:45Something that glows.
01:20:49Doolittle, I think it's a Phoenix asteroid.
01:20:52Phoenix?
01:20:53It is, Doolittle, it's the Phoenix.
01:20:55No kidding.
01:20:57I'm going into them.
01:20:58I'm going to hit them.
01:21:01Doolittle?
01:21:02Yeah?
01:21:03Before we get too far apart and our signals start fading,
01:21:07I just wanted to tell you.
01:21:09You were my favorite.
01:21:11I really liked you, Doolittle.
01:21:16I really liked you too, Talby.
01:21:18Hey, some debris from the ship.
01:21:20It's coming right by me.
01:21:22Doolittle, I'm going into them.
01:21:25I'm beginning to glow.
01:21:27They're taking me with them.
01:21:29With the Phoenix.
01:21:31Gonna circle the universe forever.
01:21:34Forever.
01:21:36I'm with them now.
01:21:38We'll be back this way again someday.
01:21:42Doolittle, before it's too late,
01:21:45there's one last thing I just want to tell you.
01:21:51Talby?
01:22:04Talby?
01:22:13Hey, Talby?
01:22:15I've got a piece of debris.
01:22:17And I think I've figured out a way.
01:22:27Benson, Arizona
01:22:29New warm wind through your hair
01:22:32My potty flies the galaxies
01:22:35My heart loves to be there
01:22:39Benson, Arizona
01:22:41The same stars in the sky
01:22:44But they seem so much kinder
01:22:47When we watch them, you and I