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AmusantTranscription
00:00 *Music*
00:18 YEEEES ! YES ! YES ! YES !
00:21 6 years of bowling class ! Finally it's worth it !
00:23 Well done ! That's very mature ! Do you want maturity ?
00:28 Pull on my finger !
00:30 Yeah ! Don't stop ! That's maturity my friend !
00:34 Now you're kicking me out of a bowling field !
00:36 I'll make you say it's not a field but a track !
00:38 Oh la la ! You sucker !
00:42 Back to suck and balls !
00:44 I'll make you say it happened only once and I was drunk !
00:46 Ok, you're done ! We can talk about real things !
00:48 Like this for example !
00:50 The AlphaCast watch !
00:54 Well, since you just broke it, I'm not sure it still works.
00:56 But I know what I'm saying, I'm a watchmaker !
00:58 *Music*
01:07 You see this watch my boy ?
01:08 Well, it's not a simple watch !
01:10 It's a high-tech gadget
01:12 that belonged to an old member of the AlphaWatch
01:14 The Agent Cast, AlphaCast !
01:16 Oh yeah ! Totally ! A high-tech watch !
01:18 I hope it will tell you the day of your death,
01:20 the time of your next surprise jump, or the time you have left
01:22 before a bellman asks you "Don't you have a coin ?"
01:24 No, sorry, I don't have a coin on me.
01:26 It's false ! I'm actually drunk !
01:28 So, first of all, you calm down, and then, no !
01:30 For everything you just said. However, it has a particularity
01:32 particularly particular, since it offers
01:34 the possibility to its owner to fluctuate the time
01:36 in order to exercise a supreme control
01:38 on this one. So, first, there are way too many words
01:40 in your sentence, and then, it's read ! It's broken !
01:42 It's the most obvious power for a watch !
01:44 It's like if I was telling you...
01:46 Hey ! In your opinion, what is the power
01:50 of this knife ? Well, I don't know...
01:52 Cut stuff ! Like fruits !
01:54 Like in Fruit Ninja !
01:58 You know, the video game that nobody plays anymore ?
02:00 If you still play Fruit Ninja, leave a comment
02:02 and uninstall the app.
02:04 So, besides being a shitty power, what's the use
02:06 to control the time ? Well, it's very simple !
02:08 As said before, AlphaCast
02:10 was part of the AlphaWatch, an organization
02:12 aiming to dismantle any kind of small group
02:14 harming society. Like the sect
02:16 of unicornists, whose goal is to destroy
02:18 all kind of vehicles to replace them
02:20 by unicorns. Or the cloudists.
02:22 Their ultimate goal is to suck all the clouds
02:24 to make a shaved foam of tape.
02:26 And Agent Cast, he decided to use
02:28 his power on time to destroy
02:30 the biggest sects in the world.
02:32 And why did he choose to specialize in sects ?
02:34 I would have rather chosen the destruction of water polo clubs.
02:36 They are the real nuisances in this society !
02:38 No, but wait ! A guy fell in a pool playing handball
02:40 and since it was his ball, he said "Well, let's play now !
02:42 It's fucking disgusting !" No !
02:44 We don't give a fuck about water polo !
02:46 His obsession for sects is neither a coincidence nor a choice.
02:48 It's a deep hatred towards them.
02:50 A hatred that was born the night of his 8 years old.
02:52 The clock hands were ticking.
02:54 We appreciate the precision effort.
02:56 Thank you.
02:58 When the young Cast, accompanied by his parents,
03:00 took the exit door of the opera
03:02 to reach the darkness of the night
03:04 haunted by the lights of the stars and the streetlights
03:06 merging in a palace of light.
03:08 The calm of the night was interrupted
03:10 leaving room for the chaos of the unexpected.
03:12 Standing in the shadow of a street, a man with a terrible look
03:14 threw himself on the Cast family
03:16 with the only goal of devouring his parents.
03:18 Ok, the guy is possessed by John de La Fontaine.
03:20 Great !
03:22 Well, if you prefer, his parents were eaten by a reptilian.
03:24 So he hates sects.
03:26 But no ! His parents were eaten by a crocodile !
03:28 What the fuck ? It changed the Jurassic Park !
03:30 But no, reptilians, not reptiles.
03:32 Oh, ok. And what's the dif ?
03:34 Look. Reptiles are terrestrial animals with scales on their bodies.
03:36 Reptilians, on the other hand, are invaders
03:38 who came to devour us in order to dominate the planet
03:40 and to reduce the survivors in slavery !
03:42 Run, you crazy poor people !
03:44 It's good that crocodiles lived in swamps,
03:46 not in dark streets !
03:48 But I don't see where he wants to go with his sect stories,
03:50 magic watches, streamers,
03:52 belonging to an organization whose name
03:54 looks a lot like Overwatch.
03:56 I don't see where you want to go with your sect stories,
03:58 magic watches, streamers, belonging to an organization
04:00 whose name looks a lot like Overwatch.
04:02 Well, if I tell you all this, it's for an arrival
04:04 or why I got this watch.
04:06 I was waiting for you to ask the question yourself, but apparently, you don't give a fuck !
04:08 You see, that's what I like about you.
04:10 You're so perspicacious !
04:12 And above all, your friend, you pretend that I'm interested.
04:14 I appreciate it ! So, I got this watch
04:16 just after Agent Cast retired
04:18 following the most difficult mission of his career.
04:20 The dismantling of the cell of the pro-platists.
04:22 What are pro-platists ?
04:24 Well, once again, it's very simple.
04:26 Pro-platists know that the Earth is round.
04:28 However, their goal is to flatten the Earth
04:30 in order to give reason to the platists
04:32 who, themselves, think that the Earth is flat.
04:34 Why, you ask ? Well, the leader of this organization,
04:36 Ulrich Ulrich, who has the particularity
04:38 of having the same first name as his family name,
04:40 was in love with a platist.
04:42 And he was ready to do anything to conquer her flat heart.
04:44 Like eggs on a flat plate.
04:46 And to do that, he had the intention of building
04:48 a gigantic statue in order to flatten the Earth.
04:50 Oh, okay ! A sect that aims
04:52 to flatten the Earth in order to give reason to the platists
04:54 called the pro-platists.
04:56 Does it have anything to do with the philosopher Plato
04:58 or the planet Pluto, the dog Mickey ?
05:00 Rather, a plateau.
05:02 Oh no ! That's really mean !
05:04 Fortunately, Agent Cast intervened
05:06 thanks to his magic watch and his power that stinks of shit.
05:08 Don't worry, he intervened, didn't he ?
05:10 Oh yes, he intervened. And not just a little bit.
05:12 Because I don't know if you knew, but Agent Cast
05:14 hates sects.
05:16 First, he took a plane to Japan.
05:18 Once in the land of the rising sun,
05:20 he took the time to appreciate the beauty of cherry trees.
05:22 Then, he got in touch with his guide
05:24 who told him the location of the pro-platists' HQ.
05:26 And finally, he went to meet
05:28 Ulrich Ulrich.
05:30 And thus put an end to
05:32 all this masquerade.
05:34 Oh, come on !
05:36 This mission is so complicated !
05:38 Don't be mistaken, my boy.
05:40 I haven't told you yet about the detail that will change everything.
05:42 More commonly called in the jargon, the plot twist.
05:44 This mission was difficult not from a military point of view,
05:46 but from an emotional point of view.
05:48 Because in reality, Ulrich Ulrich,
05:50 plot twist, was a childhood friend of Agent Cast.
05:52 Plot twist already seen a thousand times, but
05:54 plot twist anyway. I agree. The point.
05:56 Gryffindor. A friend with whom he had
05:58 overcome the death of his parents. A friend with whom
06:00 he had shared many moments of joy,
06:02 but also many moments of sadness.
06:04 That Agent Cast considered as his brother.
06:06 A friend with whom he had a relationship.
06:08 Come on, you can say it ! At the same time, a guy
06:10 comes to me and says "Hello, my name is
06:12 Ulrich Ulrich. I want to suck it,
06:14 the dick, the cock.
06:16 A friend he had to put out of harm's way.
06:18 And by "out of harm's way", I mean
06:20 that he killed her. A bullet in the head, without a scratch.
06:22 He had to take it twice because he had put a bullet in the eye,
06:24 the guy didn't die on the neck, there was blood everywhere.
06:26 But calm down. "Oh, I understand better.
06:28 He lost the love of his life.
06:30 That's why he retired." No, not at all.
06:32 He was his friend. And by killing him, he understood that the hatred
06:34 he had for the dry, had turned him into a monster.
06:36 So he swore he would never kill anyone again.
06:38 His "friend"?
06:40 I don't get it. I know everything, I see everything, I'm omniscient.
06:42 Look, I'm talking to you, and I'm talking to the viewer.
06:44 Subscribe, ring the bell. Thank you.
06:46 And now I'm on TV. Tomorrow, in Strasbourg, it will be -12°C.
06:48 And that, it's not a good time to go to the morgue.
06:50 And now I'm talking to you again. I'm God, my friend.
06:52 Oh yeah? Well, since you're omniscient
06:54 and you seem to know everything, how are you going to finish
06:56 this episode?
06:58 Who said there was a need for an end?
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