• last year
DISCLAIMER: ADAM DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE STUPID BONEYARD MATCH WHEN HE SHOT THIS

Adam is back to book the second night of cursed WrestleMania 36.
AJ vs Undertaker, Edge vs Orton & Brock vs McIntyre. BLAMPIED BOOKS IT ALL

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Transcript
00:00 Hello, and welcome back to the Weird WrestleMania. God, this is all so weird. Otis' cakes
00:06 came home to roost, Sasha Banks was finally out-Sasha Banks by Bayley, and we crowned
00:11 new champions, but that was all on night one. This is night two.
00:16 As ever, the rules are as follows. I filmed this on Monday the 23rd of March, so if WWE
00:21 has between me filming it and WrestleMania somehow made it worse by introducing, then
00:26 I plead the fifth.
00:28 Looking at you, not live from WWE's Performance Center, it's WrestleMania 36, night two, Electric
00:33 Boogaloo. Let me have a go.
00:40 So we start with Sami Zayn vs. Daniel Bryan, which feels like WWE's way of saying "sorry
00:47 about the virus, here's a little treat". I mean sure, it's not as hype as it would
00:51 have been had Sami Zayn not spent the last two years trying to crawl out of creative's
00:55 taint, however, f*** it, it's some great wrestling and like Owens and Rollins on night
00:59 one, give them 20 minutes and get 'er done. Please just get out of this match's way
01:05 and let it happen. There is a temptation to overbook this match, having Cesaro, Nakamura,
01:09 Drew Gulak, this weird, uncanny thing where Smackdown has all of the best wrestlers in
01:15 the world but does dick with them. So right away we have Drew Gulak brawling with Nakamura
01:19 and Cesaro on the outside, then the referee gets to do what all referees dream of doing
01:24 when they grow up one day, which is say "you, you, you, get out of here". This leaves
01:30 Daniel Bryan vs. Sami Zayn and honestly, if you give me 20 minutes of it, I promise for
01:34 the rest of the year I will not complain. I promise for the rest of the year I will
01:41 not complain. Daniel Bryan wins that match, wins back the IC title that he never lost
01:46 and then he can do what he was always destined to do with the Intercontinental Championship,
01:51 which is have endlessly great matches and never lose it. Next PPV, Daniel Bryan vs.
01:57 Cesaro. Yes please. Next PPV, Daniel Bryan vs. Shinsuke Nakamura. I'd buy that for
02:02 a dollar. Next PPV after that, Daniel Bryan vs. Nakamura vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn. Take
02:07 me away. Point is, it's a good idea. Please let me have him. Moving on now to Elias vs.
02:13 King Corbin. This is a bit less exciting. Elias and Corbin have both been great in the
02:19 past. They both have the capability to be great. I think Corbin's probably a bit more
02:24 great right now. So I think he should probably take this one. But like, yeah, this is a smack
02:33 down match, huh? It makes me feel really sad to say Elias should lose, but if he's not
02:36 playing guitar and ragging on your local sports franchise, like, does Elias work in an empty
02:42 arena? I mean, Christ, the Drifter was once considered like the next hot property in WWE.
02:47 That makes me profoundly grumpy. But never mind. Elias runs into an end of days and he
02:53 loses and King Corbin gets to go back to reestablishing some mid-card heel credibility after the worst
03:01 dog and dog food based feud in the history of wrestling. And that includes the one where
03:06 a guy had his dog ground up into dog food and then he ate the dog. I'm including that
03:13 one. I'm sorry, this isn't the most exciting bit of the video. Here's a clip of Oli Davis
03:18 riding a Segway dressed as Wonder Woman. Oh, I hate that. Backstage we see a promo with
03:25 Edge and Beth Phoenix and he says, whatever you do, do not come to the ring tonight because
03:31 what I'm going to do and what Randy's going to do, there's no coming back. Next up, the
03:37 first of two tag team triple tussles on tonight's tribute to tentpole tangles and tawny chompers.
03:44 Okay. Next up, the first of two tag tree. Next up, the first of two tag team triple
03:51 tussles on tonight's tourney. Next up, the first of two tag team triple. Next up, the
03:58 first of two tag team triple tawnies on tonight's Titanic. Next up, the first of two tag team
04:05 triple tussles in tonight's Titanic tribute to Ted pole, Ted pole, tent pole. Next up,
04:12 the first of two tag team. Next up, the first of two tag team triple tussles and tonight's
04:20 tribute to tent pole. Tawnies of tawdry tumbles and tangles. God damn it. Next up, the first
04:26 of two tag team triple tussles on tonight's Titanic tribute to tent pole, tawdry tussles
04:33 and tangles. Next up, the first of two tag team triple tussles on tonight's tribute to
04:39 tent pole, tawnies of tumbles and tawdry tangles. No, I almost had it. Next up, the first of
04:46 two tag team triple tussles on tonight's Titanic tribute to tent pole, tawdry tumbles and tangles.
04:52 That took so many takes. I don't have a teleprompter in isolation. It's the Kabuki Warriors versus
04:58 the Divas of Doom versus Bliss Cross Apple. Hang on. Hey, Ollie, it's me. Yeah, yeah,
05:09 I'm good. I'm good. I just wanted to double check. Is, is, is there actual tag team called
05:15 Bliss Cross Apple sauce? Really? F**k. Is it really? All right. Cool. Cheers, mate.
05:25 I'll let you get back to wanking. Love you too. Yeah, yeah, it is. So remember last year
05:32 when the Iconics capitalized on Beth Phoenix hitting Bayley with a top rope slam slam,
05:36 they threw her out of the ring and got the pin. Well, after Beth Phoenix constantly being
05:40 shat on at WrestleMania, the only time she's actually won at the event was part of a Playboy
05:44 Lumberjill match. And let's not, of course, forget the time where she lost the Miss WrestleMania
05:50 battle royal to Santina Morella. After that, one of the best wrestlers of the Divas era
05:56 gets some mania vindication. And also, you know what? Like she's the worst promo in the
06:01 world, but Natalya deserves a bit more mania too, other than being part of some random
06:08 tag matches and then helping in the slow motion murder of a very old man by a very old man.
06:15 So this time it's a fun match. Everyone gets their spots in and then Beth Phoenix hits
06:19 Nikki Cross with a top rope glam slam. Then Kairi Zane runs in and tries to throw Beth
06:24 Phoenix out and steal the pin. Beth low bridges her because Beth Phoenix has learned. And
06:28 then she covers Nikki Cross for the one, two, three. Divas of Doom are the new women's tag
06:33 team champions. And if you feel like I'm burying new talent with this, let's not forget that
06:38 the women's tag team championships are currently death and Asuka and Kairi Zane really should
06:43 be splitting apart and feuding with each other because they are so good as singles wrestlers.
06:48 Does anyone remember NXT? Speaking of death, it's AJ Styles vs Ghostman Pat, aka Be a
06:55 Frasier, Be Very a Frasier, aka Prince Grievous Bodly Charming, aka it's The Undertaker.
07:02 So far in this feud, AJ Styles and The OC have been to quote Jules Verne, "some punk
07:08 ass, fool ass bitches". Three men in the prime of their life have been unable to outwit the
07:12 slow moving machinations of an unmovable wizard. Like genuinely I think The Undertaker should
07:16 return as the American Badass because at least he'd get to the ring quicker. And you know
07:21 what? Real talk, real talk, I think The Undertaker should return as the American Badass. Like
07:30 I know, I know the American Badass was by and large bad. He was not in his best shape
07:35 and wore jeans all the time. And if I wanted to fight AJ Styles, I just go to the performance
07:40 center and start waving a globe around. But let's be clear anymore. Deadman Undertaker
07:45 is not scary anymore. He's in his 50s so like he's not an old man but he's been competing
07:51 at a top level for so long he can no longer compete at a top level. And the aura of mystery
07:58 around Undertaker has really started to wane. And that's fine, WWE should just let The Undertaker
08:03 retire. But yeah like in his current abilities he doesn't quite carry a supernatural aura
08:09 to him but as a pissed off badass Texan, yeah that's still in his wheelhouse. Also AJ Styles
08:15 has been making it real. He's been doing shooty cowboys about Undy's wife Michelle McCool
08:20 and it really does suit that temperature of the feud better to have Undertaker as he did
08:24 on that one episode of Raw just show up wearing his jeans and being like I'm a throw down.
08:29 It's a parking lot. I'm not even gonna watch my kids game. I'm gonna put you through a
08:32 f***ing windshield. Also, also AJ Styles should 100% win this match. Now I love Garstey Garstey
08:41 Johnson as much as anyone but there's only so much ability he has to put over young talent.
08:47 Like it's not an infinite resource. And he should absolutely not be asking AJ Styles
08:52 to wrestle himself basically. Bump around him like a marionette and then not even get
08:57 put over for his f***ing troubles. And the good thing about Undertaker showing up as
09:01 the American badass is it does mitigate that loss because then you can just say well he
09:06 didn't beat the dead man. And then if you want to revisit that feud maybe at SummerSlam
09:11 with an actual live crowd then you can escalate it by having the dead man return. So AJ Styles
09:17 just beat the American badass but that is still at least beating Taker at Mania. It's
09:22 something. Give AJ Styles something other than an atlas. So in terms of actually booking
09:28 this match AJ Styles comes down to the ring with the OC. Taker vrooms down on his motorbike,
09:33 immediately grabs a lead pipe out of the back and leathers Gallows and Anderson sending
09:38 them to the back. So it's just Styles vs. Taker. Styles bumps around for five minutes
09:43 and then he starts to go to town on Undertaker's leg. I mean he goes to town on that leg. He
09:49 gives that leg the works. He is all up on that leg. AJ Styles and Undertaker's leg have
09:55 only just discovered that his strange siblings are going to spend the next entire year reconnecting.
09:59 Point is AJ Styles focuses a lot of offense on Undertaker's leg. Like he's quarantined
10:04 with that leg. Him and that leg discover that friendship was the real buried treasure the
10:08 entire time. AJ invites the leg over for bridge but the other couple bails at the last minute
10:12 so they just end up playing cribbage the entire night but it turns out AJ and the leg have
10:16 really good chemistry so they decide to meet up and do it again the next night without
10:19 telling the other couple. AJ Styles starts to focus his offense on Undertaker's leg.
10:24 Undertaker catches AJ Styles as he goes for the Phenomenal Forearm. He tries to swivel
10:27 him around into a tombstone but his leg gives way. Then he tries to get AJ Styles up for
10:31 the last ride. His leg gives way. Then finally AJ Styles counters a chokeslam into the Calf
10:37 Crusher and holds it in there for like three minutes before the Undertaker taps. He doesn't
10:44 pass out. He taps. Like I said there's only a finite amount of shine Undertaker can give
10:51 people. Even at WrestleMania he's been beaten twice. The only thing I can think for Undertaker
10:56 to gift Styles, and this is what this match has to be about, gifting Styles because he's
11:01 the one with time left on the clock, is a submission victory over Undertaker at WrestleMania.
11:07 And also it's far easier to see the American Badass tap than it is to see the Deadman.
11:13 Next up The Miz and John Morrison vs The New Day vs The Usos and I've used up all of
11:17 my alliterative T words so let's just talk about this match. It's for the SmackDown
11:21 Tag Team Championships and honestly after the Undertaker match you just need something
11:24 with a lot of movement, a lot of different moving parts, something fresh, guys flying
11:28 all over the place, something to re-energise people at home. There's not a lot of story
11:32 here other than exceptional teams being given the time to do something great but there is
11:35 something we can inject into it which is that The Usos and The New Day, they are destined
11:40 to do this forever and that constantly gives Miz and Morrison windows of opportunity because
11:46 New Day and The Usos can't stop fighting. Closing spot, Big E picks up Jimmy for his
11:50 part of Midnight Hour then when Kofi jumps off the top turnbuckle he gets caught by a
11:53 superkick from Jey. Big E plants Jimmy with the big ending anyway then he nips back up
11:58 to a superkick from Jey. Then finally The Miz sneaks up behind Jey, hits him with a
12:02 skull crushing finale before John Morrison leaps off the top rope with starship pain.
12:06 1, 2, 3, the Dirt Sheet escape with their belts one more time.
12:12 Next up, you think the voices in your head know me, Edge vs Randy Orton, last man standing.
12:20 The result is not really in question, Orton has promised to end Edge's journey and Edge
12:25 has just signed a 3 year contract so I don't think that's going to work out for Randall.
12:30 And in terms of story elements at play it seems to revolve around 3 main things. Randy
12:34 wants to permanently retire Edge, they've both been using the concerto a lot and also
12:38 there's this big glowing video game red weak point underneath Edge's chin and above
12:42 his shoulders. The two men brawl around the arena, Edge mostly has the upper hand, he's
12:47 kicking ass, looking great, he's very chiseled, do the whole "oooh look at your lovely
12:52 bumpy tummy". The two men brawl up the ramp and then Edge goes for a spear, Orton moves
12:56 out of the way and throws Edge into the LED screen and he lands shoulder first and neck
13:01 first. Edge immediately goes down and clutches his neck, it's a scary spot and that's
13:08 when rattlesnake Jake shows up. First Randy pulls out a chair, puts it down in front of
13:12 Edge, sits on it and just says to Edge "Edge, please, let this be enough, just let it be
13:19 enough, you came back, you look great, but this is it, this is where you go home". Edge
13:29 very slowly clambers to his feet, eyes never leaving Randy's gaze and Randy goes "God
13:37 damn it" and drops him with an RKO. Randy sits down on the chair and he starts bellowing
13:42 tears in his eyes. Also again, you need to have spots like this because this kind of
13:46 stuff is what works better with no fans, when you can actually hear the superstars talking
13:53 to each other. Randy Orton again sits down on the chair and he's got tears now and
13:57 he's shouting at Edge "Let it go, let your career go or I will do to your wife what
14:04 I did to Matt Hardy". And then Edge wakes up, he's almost moving on autopilot but
14:08 he spears Randy Orton while he's sitting on the chair and both men go down and Edge
14:12 is clutching his neck again. It's a really scary looking spot and both men only just
14:18 beat the count. Randy DDT's Edge one more time and then he goes and gets a chair. He
14:24 places the chair underneath Edge's head, he grabs his chair that he was sitting on
14:29 and raises it above his head and then thinks "No, I can't do this". He takes the chair
14:34 that was underneath Edge's head, opens it, closes it around Edge's head so the top
14:40 of it is right on his neck and then he stands over him and he raises the chair to hit him.
14:46 Beth Phoenix runs out and she just gets in the way, she just shields it saying "Please
14:50 Randy don't, please Randy, please don't" and then Randy relents for one brief second
14:57 and then Beth Phoenix right in his venom sacks. She grabs Randy, she throws him off the ramp
15:03 and he smashes through some production equipment left on some tables on the outside. Then from
15:08 behind Beth Phoenix you see Jeff Hardy walk out. He hasn't got any "I'm a weird frog
15:14 that if you lick me you'll die" face paint on. He looks down at Edge, just normal Jeff
15:20 Hardy. You remember that the Hardys were Edge and Christian's greatest rivals. He looks
15:24 down at Edge, he looks at Beth Phoenix, nods and then jumps off the ramp hitting Randy
15:29 Orton with a Swanton Bomb. Edge very slowly by himself clambers to his feet and then collapses
15:35 on Beth Phoenix's shoulder beating the ten count. Edge wins the last man standing match.
15:42 He celebrates with his wife, it's been a fantastic night for both of them and then
15:45 because it almost caused him to lose the match, almost caused him to lose something much more
15:49 important - his career - again Edge decides to finally please retire his spear.
15:56 Time for the semi main, Shayna Baszler vs Becky Lynch and Becky is going to get trucked.
16:02 Like okay it shouldn't be a squash, no one should compete at Lynch's level and be completely
16:06 dominated, but honestly her character kind of needs this right now. Firstly this should
16:12 be Baszler's match because you don't ruin an entire elimination match to create a monster
16:17 and then don't let that monster be monstrous at the point where it counts. And second Becky
16:22 has been so, she's so great. Last year her story was one of adversity going up against
16:29 Charlotte, Ronda Rousey, the authority, she was the underdog and that cocky swagger gave
16:34 her this stone cold against all odds every man confidence and we love that. The problem
16:39 is over the last year apart from a brief really good feud with Asuka, Becky Lynch has not
16:44 had any good storylines that challenge her either creatively or physically. Like a challenger
16:49 steps up, gets defeated, challenger steps up, gets defeated, challenger steps up and
16:53 at no point Becky Lynch has ever really been humbled or been forced to question herself
16:57 or been to a low point. I mean that happened with Asuka and that's why that feud worked.
17:02 But now after this entire year Becky's braggadocious character attitude, it doesn't seem underdog
17:09 anymore it seems more entitled. Like she's turning up wearing meme sunglasses and also
17:16 a crown and in a monster truck. Like I don't get it, are you trying to make her wacky?
17:23 Like she's been the face of women's wrestling, she was the face of 2K20, big commiserations
17:29 about that by the way. She spent a lot of the time dominating with Seth Rollins whilst
17:33 he was the top man in the promotion. Like she is the brand right now and yeah it just
17:39 doesn't seem like she's ever fighting against the odds anymore. Whereas now with Shayna
17:44 Baszler she is and the odds are stacked against her. To be clear I don't think any of this
17:50 is Becky's fault but without meaty storylines what can a character do but stagnate if not
17:55 challenged. Enter the Queen of Spades and hell follows with her. Lynch gets a few hope
18:00 spots in, sure, maybe even locks in the disarmament but other than that this is Baszler's match.
18:06 She cuts off every comeback that Lynch has, locks in the clutch and then Lynch doesn't
18:11 even pass out. She taps. Because this is what humbles Becky Lynch. This is what sends her
18:17 back down to make her rediscover her underdog roots. She has to challenge herself once again.
18:22 She has to work harder once again and then the rematch between her and Shayna Baszler,
18:28 still the Raw Women's Champion, that's your SummerSlam main event. And speaking of main
18:32 events Drew McIntyre vs Brock Lesnar. To quote Wallace and Gromit. Again you want to finish
18:40 this pay-per-view with a simple let them fight kind of match. Just get out of the match's
18:45 way and just let it happen. Don't need to overbook it at all. The simple question has
18:49 a simple answer. Can Drew beat the beast? Answer, yeah he can. See there's a standard
18:56 way to do a Brock Lesnar main. He dominates for a while, suplex suplex suplex and then
19:01 finally a hope spot window is opened by either a kick to his bollocks more often than not
19:07 or a lucky shot and then finisher finisher finisher finisher finisher finisher and then
19:11 either Lesnar catches you in the last finisher or you hit him with one more and you pin it.
19:16 That's how it's sort of been the last two years. However I think if you really want
19:20 to showcase Drew have him buck the trend a little. Have him shoulder block Brock down
19:24 at the beginning of the match because Brock surprisingly can do wide-eyed disbelief selling
19:30 really well. Lean into it. Brock can never get a dominant run going against McIntyre.
19:35 McIntyre even starts hitting Brock with some German suplexes because he's a big tall boy,
19:40 he's big beef boy, big boy Scott beef, beef Scott beef, mania beef. The finish is McIntyre
19:45 hitting the ropes one, two, three times for a super Claymore and Drew WWE champion and
19:55 the crowd goes... oh. And that's how I would book Mania 36. Both nights, 16 matches. I
20:09 think I'm done now. Let me know how you enjoyed the video in the comments and if you liked
20:12 it please do pay us back with a like and a subscribe and why not check out No Rolls Barred
20:18 also on PartsFUNknown if you want to see our entire first season ending with the colossal
20:24 tussle our most recent episode. We dress up in costumes, it's really nerdy but it's really
20:29 great. One more time please do support wrestlers by buying their merch where you can. Make
20:34 sure you stay safe out there and enjoy WrestleMania everyone.
20:39 [BLANK_AUDIO]

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