Death Race 2000-HD (1975)
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00 [MUSIC]
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00:01:20 [MUSIC]
00:01:28 >> Great American multitude and sports fans everywhere.
00:01:34 Today we inaugurate the 20th annual Transcontinental Road Race.
00:01:39 Today, the five bravest young men and women in this bravest of nations
00:01:46 will risk their lives in the greatest sporting event since the days of Spartacus.
00:01:52 Three days hence, a new American champion will be crowned.
00:01:58 For all the world to behold in awe, in respect, in fear.
00:02:05 >> All right, all right.
00:02:07 This is Junior Bruce, your buddy, buddy, and mine.
00:02:11 And I'll be giving you the blow by blow, play by play,
00:02:14 when the kings and queens of the open road roar onto the track.
00:02:19 Do I hear the sound of engines?
00:02:20 [MUSIC]
00:02:21 It's Calamity Jane Kelly, queen of the road,
00:02:25 at the wheel of that mean old ornery stud bull.
00:02:28 >> [APPLAUSE]
00:02:32 >> Zaney Janey, winner of this year's trials at Watkins Glen, placed second in
00:02:37 1998 and led in last year's second lap until she went out with gear trouble.
00:02:42 >> Her fans and lovers everywhere wish Janey better luck this year.
00:02:47 >> My fans can wish me all the luck they want.
00:02:50 My luck with my lovers gets any better, I'll miss the race completely.
00:02:53 Isn't that right, Pete?
00:02:54 >> [APPLAUSE]
00:02:56 >> At the start of the race, only a heartthrob away, this is Grace Pander on
00:03:01 the spot, as usual, to welcome the greatest racer of all time and
00:03:06 a very dear friend of mine.
00:03:09 >> Yes, in just a moment, he will be coming through the doors.
00:03:13 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:03:20 >> There is no cause for alarm.
00:03:23 The patient has been flown in from abroad in a state of suspended animation
00:03:27 in order to facilitate the healing of his recent limb transplants.
00:03:31 He should be coming around any moment now.
00:03:33 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:03:43 >> Frankenstein, can you give me an exclusive?
00:03:49 How are things abroad?
00:03:50 >> How is Mr. President?
00:03:52 Is he still in Moscow?
00:03:54 >> Mr. President is in his summer palace in Peking.
00:03:58 >> [LAUGH]
00:04:00 >> He loves everybody.
00:04:02 >> And everybody loves him.
00:04:05 >> We love him!
00:04:06 >> Here she is, that adorable swastika sweetheart,
00:04:11 Matilda the Hun from Milwaukee, and
00:04:15 her lovable Nazi navigator, Herman the German Fox.
00:04:20 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:04:29 >> Matilda, Herman, do you think this is your turn to be first and
00:04:33 foremost in sunny California?
00:04:36 >> Today, California.
00:04:37 >> Tomorrow, the world.
00:04:38 >> Bye, Herman.
00:04:39 >> I hope your buzz bomb has a little more juice in its warhead this year.
00:04:45 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:04:49 >> Whoever named your car the Bull was only half right.
00:04:55 >> Frankenstein, will Mr. President fly in to crown the winner of the race?
00:04:59 >> Yes.
00:04:59 >> Is it true that with your new mechanical arm,
00:05:02 you can shift gears in less than a twentieth of a second?
00:05:05 Would you care to comment on that?
00:05:07 >> No.
00:05:08 >> How do you feel about going into the race with a navigator you've never met?
00:05:12 >> You'll love Annie, she's a red hot sex pot.
00:05:15 >> She better be a red hot navigator.
00:05:17 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:05:20 >> No more questions.
00:05:22 >> It's the lion, and at the wheel, Ray Nero the Hero Lodegan.
00:05:28 >> Never has finished the Transcontinental, but three big wins in the provinces this
00:05:32 season, plus a brand new beast, means Nero's not fiddling around.
00:05:38 >> Sit still, Cleopatra, and stop blocking me.
00:05:41 My fans want to see me.
00:05:43 >> They've never seen a has-been before?
00:05:46 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:05:54 >> Annie Smith?
00:05:55 >> Mr. Frankenstein.
00:05:57 I've checked out the car and everything seems perfect.
00:06:00 I have the route maps right here.
00:06:02 >> I will check them in a minute.
00:06:03 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:06:06 We will roll when everything seems perfect to me.
00:06:12 >> I've packed some high protein capsules and
00:06:15 as many adrenaline tablets as I could find.
00:06:18 And I've also assembled a medical kit, just in case.
00:06:21 I'm trained as a nurse.
00:06:23 >> I don't need a nurse, I need a navigator.
00:06:25 >> Mr. Frankenstein, you're very good at what you do, and
00:06:31 I'm very good at what I do.
00:06:32 >> We'll see.
00:06:34 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:06:36 >> And you know, there's only one person who guns an engine like that.
00:06:42 It's gotta be the roughest, tough guy of them all, Machine Gun Joe Baterbo.
00:06:49 [APPLAUSE]
00:06:51 >> Here he comes, Machine Gun Joe, loved by thousands, hated by millions.
00:06:57 Only living previous winner except for Frankenstein.
00:07:01 Highest lifetime score after Frankenstein, and
00:07:04 he's certainly getting the welcome he deserves.
00:07:07 >> Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.
00:07:11 >> Joe doesn't look too happy, but
00:07:13 you just can't keep those Frankenstein fans down.
00:07:17 >> Lousy sons of bitches.
00:07:19 >> Frankenstein!
00:07:21 >> Give it to them, Joe.
00:07:23 >> More Frankenstein?
00:07:24 I'll give you Frankenstein.
00:07:26 [SOUND]
00:07:32 >> Here he comes, here he comes.
00:07:34 >> Frankenstein, Frankenstein the legend, Frankenstein the indestructible.
00:07:40 Sole survivor of the Titanic pileup of '95.
00:07:44 Only two time winner of the transcontinental road race.
00:07:48 Frankenstein, ripped up, wiped out, battered, shattered, creamed and reamed.
00:07:54 A dancer on the brink of death.
00:07:56 Frankenstein, who lost a leg in '98, an arm in '99.
00:08:01 With half a face and half a chest and all the guts in the world, he's back.
00:08:07 God only knows what he looks like under that mask, but he is back.
00:08:12 In the name of Mr. President, America loves you, Frankenstein.
00:08:17 [SOUND]
00:08:27 >> You will regret that, Joe.
00:08:30 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:08:36 >> Stay tuned, racing fans.
00:08:38 T-Video satellite will bring every mile of thrills and spills into your living room.
00:08:43 All five cars are in starting position here at New York Memorial Raceway,
00:08:49 ready to roll.
00:08:50 Now, we take you to the Summer Palace and Mr. President.
00:08:55 [MUSIC]
00:09:09 >> My children, whom I love so dearly.
00:09:14 It has been my duty in the long and
00:09:18 difficult years since the world crash of '79,
00:09:24 to serve you as best I could.
00:09:27 Never before in history have the masses forgotten all comfort, so
00:09:32 that the spirit of genius might thrive and seek the golden key to a new time of
00:09:38 plenty in the fertile field of minority privilege.
00:09:43 And now, my children, the drivers are ready, the world is waiting.
00:09:48 Once more, I give you what you want.
00:09:52 [SOUND]
00:10:04 >> Good morning, Americans.
00:10:06 Once again, the race is underway, with 12-hour pit stops scheduled at
00:10:11 St. Louis and Albuquerque, home of the American Indian Museum.
00:10:16 At this very moment, the cars are howling through the streets of Manhattan, but
00:10:20 no points have been scored as yet.
00:10:23 Take it away, Junior Bruce.
00:10:26 >> They're coming out of the Lincoln Tunnel now,
00:10:29 with Frankenstein and Joe running neck and neck.
00:10:31 Then it's the lion, driven by, passed by, Calamity Jane in the ball,
00:10:36 moving into third place.
00:10:38 [MUSIC]
00:10:49 [SOUND]
00:10:59 [MUSIC]
00:11:09 [SOUND]
00:11:20 [MUSIC]
00:11:30 >> All right, and hey, hey, hey, the cars have split up,
00:11:46 the drivers taking off on their favorite routes.
00:11:49 Frankenstein still out in front, headed due west,
00:11:52 with Nero the Hero on his tail, hoping to pick up his leftovers.
00:11:56 Calamity Jane's on a northwest hack, Matilda's Buzz Bomb is trying to catch up
00:12:00 with Machine Gun Joe, now streaking southwest.
00:12:04 Once again, Mr. President.
00:12:06 >> I have made the United Provinces of America the greatest power in the known
00:12:11 universe, I have also given you the most popular sporting event
00:12:17 in the history of mankind, the Transcontinental Road Race,
00:12:22 which upholds the American tradition of no holds barred.
00:12:27 >> No holds barred.
00:12:28 That's how he got to be president.
00:12:33 Hypocrite pig, what about our ultimatum?
00:12:35 He's been laughing us off for 15 years.
00:12:38 Passive resistance means nothing to him.
00:12:40 Pick up that flag, young man.
00:12:42 >> It's time for action.
00:12:44 >> It is not a time for violence.
00:12:46 >> Mrs. Payne, I love Annie as much as you do, but she's no match for Frankenstein.
00:12:51 And we can't risk letting him get away.
00:12:53 Frankenstein is the biggest target in the world and a personal friend of Mr. President's.
00:12:57 >> That, Lieutenant Fury, is exactly why they'll call off the race, to save his life.
00:13:03 My granddaughter will succeed.
00:13:05 Don't you ever take off that mask.
00:13:07 >> No. Don't you know about my face?
00:13:10 >> I've heard stories.
00:13:12 Nobody's ever seen it, have they?
00:13:16 >> Except my other navigators.
00:13:18 >> And they're all dead.
00:13:22 >> So they are.
00:13:23 >> They say you lost most of your jaw in the crack of '92.
00:13:31 >> And my right eye in '95.
00:13:34 And my nose and my left eye in '97.
00:13:37 And most of my cranium in '98.
00:13:39 I'm held together with patches of plastic and steel plates.
00:13:44 It's not a pretty sight.
00:13:47 You want to see?
00:13:50 >> Why not? I've seen everything else.
00:13:52 >> Remember, you're doing this on your own.
00:13:55 I take no responsibility.
00:13:58 [ Music ]
00:14:10 >> What'd you expect?
00:14:11 Another pretty face?
00:14:13 [ Music ]
00:14:18 >> They really love you, Joe.
00:14:20 >> Yeah?
00:14:21 Then how come they ain't done it on the road proving it?
00:14:25 >> Hey, you better make this left turn.
00:14:27 You'll shave off about two miles that way.
00:14:29 >> Yeah, all right.
00:14:31 [ Music ]
00:14:51 >> All right, all right.
00:14:52 And yes, sirree, a clean hit.
00:14:55 A perfect hit.
00:14:57 And no pain for the target.
00:14:59 Too bad the guy was only 38.
00:15:02 Just two years older, he'd have been worth three times the points.
00:15:05 But for the second year in a row,
00:15:07 Machine Gun Joe has splattered the scoreboard first.
00:15:12 >> How'd you like that, huh?
00:15:14 Get off of that one, Myra, baby.
00:15:16 >> What's the matter with this engine?
00:15:20 >> I don't know.
00:15:21 It sounds fine to me.
00:15:23 >> Amateurs.
00:15:25 Get back there and retard the spark for three degrees.
00:15:29 [ Engine Running ]
00:15:58 [ Music ]
00:16:12 >> Glad to see you were able to find your way back.
00:16:15 [ Engine Running ]
00:16:19 >> As the cars roar into Pennsylvania, the cradle of liberty,
00:16:24 it seems apparent that our citizens are staying off the streets,
00:16:29 which may make scoring particularly difficult,
00:16:32 even with this year's rule changes.
00:16:34 To recap those revisions, women are still worth 10 points more than men in all age brackets.
00:16:43 But teenagers now rack up 40 points, and toddlers under 12 now rate a big 70 points.
00:16:52 The big score, anyone, any sex over 75 years old has been upped to 100 points.
00:17:02 As always, how fast you move determines how long you live.
00:17:09 [ Music ]
00:17:18 >> Pull up.
00:17:20 [ Engine Running ]
00:17:48 [ Screaming ]
00:17:55 >> A beautiful kill, a neat kill.
00:17:58 No calamities for Jane today, no sir.
00:18:01 And you can bet she'll be getting both ears for that one.
00:18:05 [ Birds Chirping ]
00:18:16 >> What is that?
00:18:18 >> Euthanasia Day at the geriatrics hospital.
00:18:20 They do it every year.
00:18:22 >> Here he comes.
00:18:23 He's coming.
00:18:25 [ Music ]
00:18:40 [ Screaming ]
00:18:48 >> Frankenstein scores.
00:18:50 Frankenstein scores at last.
00:18:53 But what kind of a score, boys and girls?
00:18:55 Just 110 points out of a possible big 700.
00:18:59 What do you think about that, Gracie?
00:19:01 >> Well, those doctors, dear friends of mine, have been pretty smug all these years setting up the old folks.
00:19:09 Frankenstein must have decided it was their turn.
00:19:12 >> Which only goes to show that even the fearsome Frankenstein has a 100% red-blooded American sense of humor.
00:19:22 >> Annie saved those old people, and she'll deliver Frankenstein.
00:19:27 >> Meanwhile, innocent people are being slaughtered on our highways.
00:19:31 >> They're like Christians being thrown to the gladiators.
00:19:35 But just remember, the Christians won.
00:19:38 >> Did they, Mrs. Payne?
00:19:40 >> I take it from your attire that your sabotage operations are being carried out despite my wishes?
00:19:48 >> Mrs. Payne, we're set to hit them with everything we've got.
00:19:53 >> Then in the name of humanity, let Operation Anti-Race begin.
00:19:59 [music]
00:20:08 >> How in the hell are we supposed to score in this graveyard?
00:20:11 >> You're the navigator.
00:20:12 That's your problem.
00:20:14 You better think of something pretty soon or else you're going to be out on your ass.
00:20:17 >> It isn't my fault everyone scored before us.
00:20:20 You should have gone after that Boy Scout camp like I told you.
00:20:23 >> I tried a goddamn Boy Scout camp.
00:20:25 >> Not fast enough for those Boy Scouts to move.
00:20:30 >> Now here's something more your speed.
00:20:32 >> It's got to be at least 200 points.
00:20:35 >> If they scatter, go for the baby and the mother.
00:20:39 >> Come on.
00:20:40 Come on.
00:20:43 >> Go for the baby.
00:20:44 The baby.
00:20:46 >> That's it.
00:20:47 Come get baby.
00:20:49 Bye-bye, baby.
00:20:51 Hello, 70 points.
00:20:53 [explosion]
00:20:57 >> Hey, I'm up here.
00:20:58 >> Would you please take your places?
00:21:01 >> You're missing.
00:21:02 >> I'll grace them with an interview right now.
00:21:05 >> Hello, ladies.
00:21:06 Isn't this just the most exciting race in years?
00:21:09 I certainly think so.
00:21:11 And guess what?
00:21:13 I have a surprise for you.
00:21:14 Mrs. Rhonda Bainbridge in person on my show.
00:21:20 The widow of Edward Bainbridge, whom as we all know,
00:21:25 was machine gun Joe Viterbo's first score.
00:21:30 Welcome to my home.
00:21:33 And may I call you Rhonda.
00:21:35 >> Oh, please do, Mrs. Pander.
00:21:37 >> Are we about ready here?
00:21:38 >> Yeah, just about.
00:21:41 >> Guess we have to go right away.
00:21:46 >> As the widow of the race's first score, you have won a
00:21:51 high-style two-room apartment in Acapulco.
00:21:55 >> Start the jam.
00:21:57 [engine revving]
00:22:11 >> And next year, you will be watching the race on a 50-inch
00:22:15 three-dimensional octophonic TV.
00:22:19 >> Very impressed, Americans.
00:22:22 The execution of the barbarian killer Nero the Hero is the
00:22:27 people's first stroke against the evil and corrupt regime of
00:22:32 Mr. President.
00:22:35 >> I am Thomasina Bain, founder and commander of the Army of
00:22:39 the Resistance.
00:22:41 For 20 years, Americans have been told when to eat and when
00:22:46 to sleep, when to love and when to hate.
00:22:51 The age of obedience is over.
00:22:55 In the names of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln,
00:22:59 and Harry Truman, I call upon you to stand up for your
00:23:05 inalienable rights.
00:23:07 >> We declare war upon the bipartisan party on Mr.
00:23:11 President.
00:23:12 >> And on that most inhuman desecration of life and liberty,
00:23:17 the transcontinental road rape.
00:23:21 I thank you.
00:23:24 >> What the hell was that?
00:23:26 >> I have no information.
00:23:28 >> Is this race still on?
00:23:30 >> I have no information.
00:23:31 >> Well, what do you think?
00:23:32 >> About what?
00:23:33 >> About that speech.
00:23:35 >> That's spice to the race.
00:23:37 >> Spice?
00:23:38 They killed him.
00:23:40 >> Yeah, they would have got more points for me.
00:23:42 >> Don't you understand?
00:23:44 They've declared war on the race and on you.
00:23:47 Aren't you worried?
00:23:48 >> The only thing that worries me is machine gun Joe Viterbo.
00:23:51 >> He's winning all you care about.
00:23:53 >> Yes.
00:23:54 It's the only standard of excellence left.
00:24:01 >> Come on, here they come.
00:24:03 About finished.
00:24:05 Come on.
00:24:10 Look at that stupid hole right in the middle.
00:24:12 They won't get through there.
00:24:19 >> It's big!
00:24:21 >> Converge from all their routes and head for the first pit stop in St.
00:24:24 Louis.
00:24:25 Machine gun Joe is still leading the field with Frankenstein second,
00:24:29 calamity Jane third.
00:24:31 Leaving Matilda the hunt in fourth position and calamity Jane facing
00:24:34 another calamity.
00:24:36 Right now, Frankenstein's score points put him just ahead of Joe.
00:24:40 >> Hey, get off the road!
00:24:42 Jesus Chrysler!
00:24:44 Get off the road!
00:24:47 >> Hey, dummy, come on over and hold the laps.
00:24:58 >> This is sacrifice.
00:25:01 Where's the one that says welcome Joe Viterbo?
00:25:04 >> Score in the center of the pit, Joe.
00:25:06 You need every point you can get.
00:25:12 >> I only mashed him slightly.
00:25:14 >> Put him out of his misery, Joe.
00:25:16 >> Hey, is that fair?
00:25:17 >> Yeah.
00:25:18 >> Hey, should I let him go?
00:25:21 >> Fair's always right.
00:25:50 >> One thing before we begin.
00:26:14 The government would like it if nobody said anything about Nero.
00:26:17 Understand?
00:26:18 He hit a tree and that's it.
00:26:20 Got it?
00:26:21 We don't want to depress anybody by --
00:26:23 >> Hey, hey.
00:26:24 Everybody knows he was blown up by the resistance, you schmuck.
00:26:27 It was on television.
00:26:29 >> If you want to drive again next year, Mr. Viterbo, you'll keep those
00:26:32 opinions to yourself.
00:26:34 Okay, go ahead.
00:26:35 >> This is Grace Pander from St. Louis where Matilda, a dear friend of
00:26:40 mine, is receiving a well-deserved rubdown.
00:26:44 Tell me, Tilly darling, what can we expect from you when the cars go back on
00:26:48 the road?
00:26:49 >> You can expect a victory.
00:26:51 By a member of the master race.
00:26:53 A woman.
00:26:55 >> Oh, Tilly darling, that certainly is showing a lot of confidence for
00:26:58 someone who's lying fourth out of four.
00:27:01 >> She doesn't mind as long as she's lying somewhere.
00:27:04 >> Look, when I'm through with you, you're going to be line estate, lady.
00:27:06 >> Listen, miss, if anybody is going to boot hill, it's you and your biz bag.
00:27:09 >> Buzz bomb.
00:27:10 >> Shut up.
00:27:11 >> Look, you just leave my navigator alone.
00:27:14 >> Girls, girls, girls, remember you're on TV land.
00:27:18 >> Pete, how do you like being a navigator?
00:27:20 >> Well, junior, I'd like it more if I was in the driver's seat.
00:27:26 >> You'll get what's coming to you on the road.
00:27:28 >> Oh, yeah?
00:27:30 Well, what's coming to me is the final solution to the Calgary problem.
00:27:34 >> Frankenstein, can you tell us when you're going to make your move?
00:27:37 Are you going to take any off-road chances for scores?
00:27:39 Or are you driving all out to be first in the new L.A.?
00:27:43 >> It's not whether you win or lose.
00:27:45 It's how you play the game.
00:27:46 >> Frankenstein, a dear friend of mine, Frankenstein, tell me how it feels when at that electric instant,
00:27:52 driving at 200 miles an hour, life and death coexist at the moment of scoring.
00:27:57 >> You stand in the middle of Route 66 tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock.
00:28:01 And you can answer that question for yourself.
00:28:17 >> What are you doing?
00:28:18 Get away from me, Joe.
00:28:19 Go nuts.
00:28:21 >> Just tell him I was whispering sweet nothings in your ear.
00:28:32 >> Well, Myra, what did Frankenstein have to say to you?
00:28:35 >> He didn't say anything.
00:28:37 >> What did he say?
00:28:38 >> Nothing.
00:28:39 >> What did he say?
00:28:40 >> Nothing.
00:28:41 >> Look, I'm not playing games with you, Myra.
00:28:42 I want to know what he said.
00:28:43 >> He said there was nothing sweet in my ear.
00:28:48 >> What do you want?
00:29:02 >> My name is Laurie, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:29:05 I'm head of Chapter 7, St. Louis Lovers of Frankenstein.
00:29:09 I was chosen from over 100 girls.
00:29:11 >> You're offering me your body?
00:29:12 Is that it?
00:29:14 You want to make love to me because I drive the monster and wear this costume?
00:29:18 >> No, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:29:20 But that wouldn't be fair to your navigator.
00:29:22 It's taken her years of hard work to earn that privilege.
00:29:25 Besides, we understand your feelings.
00:29:29 >> What do you know of my feelings?
00:29:33 >> Everything.
00:29:34 Like -- like why you're afraid of falling in love.
00:29:38 And why winning the race means everything to you.
00:29:41 >> How do you know these things?
00:29:44 >> From my dreams, partly.
00:29:46 And from letters I get from other fans.
00:29:49 Plus, the club subscribes to an astrology service.
00:29:52 >> Well, if you're not here to offer me your body, I'm leaving.
00:29:56 >> I wanted to meet you, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:29:59 I wanted you to know who I am.
00:30:01 So it would have meaning.
00:30:03 >> I don't understand.
00:30:05 So what would have meaning?
00:30:07 >> We love you, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:10 I know just saying it doesn't mean much.
00:30:13 >> Why do you love me?
00:30:14 Because I kill people?
00:30:16 >> Scoring isn't killing, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:18 It's part of the race.
00:30:20 You're a national hero.
00:30:22 And we want you to know we're with you, 100%.
00:30:26 Good night, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:29 [music]
00:30:42 >> Didn't you come in?
00:30:44 >> What are you expecting, machine gun Joe?
00:30:48 I thought I could trust you.
00:30:52 >> You really just don't want to give me a chance, do you?
00:30:57 >> I was trying to help you.
00:31:00 >> I'm sorry.
00:31:03 >> You're what?
00:31:07 >> Sorry.
00:31:11 >> He wanted to know our route, so I told him to go down 54 through the Cimarron Valley.
00:31:18 >> 54 is a dead end.
00:31:21 It leads nowhere.
00:31:23 >> That's right.
00:31:25 >> And if Joe takes it, he's sunk.
00:31:28 >> The only way Joe will take that road is if he sees us do it first.
00:31:32 >> Or if he's ahead of us.
00:31:36 >> Is that the arm that came off in '98?
00:31:39 >> Mm-hmm.
00:31:41 >> And which one of those obviously perfect legs came off in '99?
00:31:48 >> The right.
00:31:49 >> And the left one was just broken in six places and burned down to the bone.
00:31:54 Is that right?
00:31:55 >> Mm-hmm.
00:31:57 >> It's a miracle you can still walk.
00:32:02 >> Do you like to dance?
00:32:04 [Music]
00:32:33 [Music]
00:33:00 >> Those Swiss mechanics sure did a good job on you.
00:33:04 What else did they replace?
00:33:09 >> Wait a minute, and I'll show you.
00:33:22 >> Oh, Mr. President, bless thy children and make them strong.
00:33:27 Bless thy daughters, Matilda and Jane, and thy son Joe.
00:33:32 And bless thy beloved son, the immortal Frankenstein, who has given so much pleasure to so many.
00:33:40 >> What the hell was Frankenstein?
00:33:41 What about Joe Viterbo?
00:33:53 >> The flag is down and they're away with Machine Gun Joe blasting into the lead on this second lap of the great Transcontinental Road Race.
00:34:02 Frankenstein is making a left turn, splitting early from the pack.
00:34:06 Look out, all you folks, just south of here.
00:34:08 >> Gee, Joe, there's nobody even close behind us.
00:34:11 >> Shh, shh, shh.
00:34:12 >> Where's he going?
00:34:13 What's he doing?
00:34:14 >> Hey, what are you doing?
00:34:15 Where are we going?
00:34:17 >> I dropped my glove.
00:34:19 >> Let not the ruin of thy roads disrupt the trails of thy --
00:34:23 >> He threw Reisler.
00:34:26 Ladies and gentlemen, by a bizarre accident, Frankenstein has killed our cherished colleague, the deacon of the bipartisan party.
00:34:34 >> I think you did that on purpose.
00:34:37 >> I have to give the fans something to talk about.
00:34:40 It's my obligation as a national hero.
00:34:43 >> Frankenstein scores now.
00:34:44 Does that score count, Harold?
00:34:46 >> An interesting point, Junior, and one that may set a significant precedent.
00:34:52 Can a racer score a race official?
00:34:55 >> Oh, and after all those nice things he said about him.
00:34:58 >> It don't matter.
00:34:59 It don't count.
00:35:00 You can't score religious personalities.
00:35:03 >> The word "deacon" has been handed down to us from the ancient -- the, uh --
00:35:09 Frankenstein's score has been approved for 50 points.
00:35:13 The confirmation has just been handed to me.
00:35:16 Why, you know what that means, Junior?
00:35:18 That means that the race officials from coast to coast will be falling like flies.
00:35:23 >> Frankenstein, I hate him.
00:35:25 I hate him.
00:35:28 >> He's elevating.
00:35:30 [Engine roaring]
00:35:52 [Music]
00:36:08 [Screaming]
00:36:13 >> Oh, why did she do that?
00:36:17 >> Show me she loves me.
00:36:19 [Tires screeching]
00:36:25 >> Here they come.
00:36:26 Let's get set.
00:36:28 [Music]
00:36:40 >> Chicken gang.
00:36:42 Chicken in a basket.
00:36:44 [Music]
00:36:52 >> Oh, shit.
00:36:54 [Music]
00:37:04 >> Hey, hey, hey.
00:37:06 Who got the last laugh there, huh?
00:37:09 [Engine roaring]
00:37:14 >> The turnoff is coming up.
00:37:16 >> Should I take it?
00:37:17 >> Who gives a goddamn shit?
00:37:19 >> Should I?
00:37:20 She says I should, so I should, right?
00:37:22 Or should I?
00:37:23 I don't know.
00:37:24 What?
00:37:25 >> Well, I don't think you should.
00:37:26 I think it's definitely a trick.
00:37:27 >> I'll do it.
00:37:28 I won't do it.
00:37:29 I'd be a schmuck to do it.
00:37:31 [Tires screeching]
00:37:33 I can't, I'm no schmuck.
00:37:35 >> That's your story.
00:37:38 >> That's right.
00:37:39 That's right.
00:37:40 The next time you mess with Frankenstein again, I'm really going to bust your eyes.
00:37:44 >> What do you mean, really?
00:37:46 [Music]
00:37:53 [Tires screeching]
00:37:55 >> I'll have an almost unlimited score possibility.
00:37:58 It's pretty far down the road.
00:38:00 District penitent's compound.
00:38:02 All those old congressmen chained up.
00:38:05 It'd be like sitting ducks.
00:38:07 >> Yeah, and all I got to do is drive through a cyclone fence.
00:38:10 Uh-uh.
00:38:11 >> Look, the farther west we go, the fewer targets there'll be.
00:38:15 Hey, come on.
00:38:16 Joe's already on his way to a dead end, and the other two...
00:38:19 >> Okay.
00:38:23 >> Take the next right.
00:38:29 >> Now, as soon as the car gets within range, I shall give the signal.
00:38:34 >> We'll have just under a minute after they reach the turnoff.
00:38:37 Lieutenant Fury figures if we do it...
00:38:39 >> Lieutenant Fury has nothing whatever to do with this.
00:38:42 I want none of his surprises here.
00:38:45 >> I could stand for a surprise, like if Frankenstein didn't show up.
00:38:48 >> Don't worry.
00:38:49 He'll show.
00:38:50 [Tires screeching]
00:38:54 >> What's our estimated time of arrival in Albuquerque?
00:38:57 >> Well, I'm not sure.
00:38:59 I mean, this detour is gonna make a difference.
00:39:01 >> Haven't you calculated our time of arrival?
00:39:03 >> Well, of course I did, but I couldn't take into consideration that...
00:39:06 >> Take what into consideration?
00:39:08 >> Frankenstein, stop the car!
00:39:10 >> Hold on.
00:39:11 [Engine starts]
00:39:13 [Engine revs]
00:39:15 >> What the hell?
00:39:16 >> Keep going!
00:39:17 Don't stop now.
00:39:18 What are you doing?
00:39:19 >> What are they doing?
00:39:20 Sorry, brother.
00:39:25 [Engine revs]
00:39:27 >> If that's the best ambush the Resistance can come up with, we got nothing to worry about.
00:39:41 >> I guess not.
00:39:42 >> One thing I can't figure out is why would they bother to dress that guy up to look like me?
00:39:47 >> Maybe he was a fan.
00:39:49 [Tires screeching]
00:39:52 [Tires screeching]
00:39:55 >> Who built this stinking road?
00:39:57 If I ever get my hands on him, I'll rip his heart out!
00:40:01 I admit it!
00:40:02 I'm sick of this race, and I'm sick of you!
00:40:04 [Tires screeching]
00:40:06 [Tires screeching]
00:40:08 [Tires screeching]
00:40:10 >> I guess it must have been Joe that set us up for that ambush, don't you think?
00:40:13 Got in touch with those guys somehow and told them where we were going?
00:40:16 >> I guess it might have been.
00:40:19 >> But then how the hell did Joe know we were going to take a detour?
00:40:22 Maybe it was those guys on the pit crew in St. Louis.
00:40:25 Took your book out of the car while you were getting massaged.
00:40:28 >> I didn't leave my book in the car.
00:40:31 >> You didn't, huh?
00:40:32 >> No.
00:40:34 >> Well, then I guess it couldn't have been them.
00:40:37 Who do you think it was?
00:40:38 >> I have no idea.
00:40:40 Why do you care as long as they didn't get you?
00:40:43 >> Us. They didn't get us.
00:40:45 We're a team, remember?
00:40:47 [Tires screeching]
00:40:49 [Tires screeching]
00:40:52 [Engine rumbling]
00:40:58 >> Come on over to my side.
00:41:00 You're going to drive for a while.
00:41:02 >> Why? I'm not trained as a driver.
00:41:04 >> Never mind why.
00:41:06 Just do as I tell you.
00:41:08 [Engine rumbling]
00:41:17 >> Colleen, I need to make a nice big score for us.
00:41:20 >> Sure.
00:41:23 Everything's special in my eye.
00:41:25 >> I hope it'll turn out.
00:41:27 >> I'm sure that it will.
00:41:30 [Tires screeching]
00:41:32 [Engine rumbling]
00:41:41 [Tires screeching]
00:41:44 >> Jesus H. Christ!
00:41:46 I'll kill that brat!
00:41:47 >> What did I do?
00:41:48 >> Shut your face!
00:41:51 Hey, Cornball, what's the fastest way through here?
00:41:53 >> Well, actually, the only way we do it is we get a bulldozer,
00:41:58 and we trim this edge down here, and we drive through.
00:42:00 >> No, no, what's the fastest way between here and Albuquerque?
00:42:03 >> You got to go back to the main highway, really.
00:42:05 >> But I lose 45 minutes!
00:42:07 >> I've seen you before.
00:42:08 I'm one of your greatest fans, you know that?
00:42:10 I follow all of the races.
00:42:12 I got pictures of you all over the outhouse.
00:42:15 I named my favorite dog after you, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:42:17 I did.
00:42:18 >> Lousy, stinky dirtball!
00:42:20 You got two seconds to live!
00:42:22 [Music]
00:42:31 [Tires screeching]
00:42:34 [Music]
00:43:03 >> Come on, Pete, honey, you're going to take all day with that?
00:43:06 I want to get on the road, make a few more scores.
00:43:08 My bloodlust is fading.
00:43:10 >> I'm almost finished, Calamity, sweetheart.
00:43:12 We'll be back on the road in no time.
00:43:14 Then we'll cream that Nazi's ass for her.
00:43:16 >> What'd you say?
00:43:18 It's speeding!
00:43:21 You lousy bitch!
00:43:22 I'll kill you for that!
00:43:24 Nobody scores my Navigator and gets away with it.
00:43:28 [Music]
00:43:45 >> Uh-oh, here she comes.
00:43:47 And boy, is she pissed.
00:43:49 >> Well, what does she expect?
00:43:50 You leave your Navigator lying around?
00:43:52 Naturally, somebody's going to run over him.
00:43:55 [Music]
00:44:05 [Tires screeching]
00:44:07 [Music]
00:44:23 [Music]
00:44:37 >> She's gaining on us, Mama, and she's got murder on her mind.
00:44:40 >> Mach schnell, meine kleine Busbaum.
00:44:44 [Music]
00:45:13 >> That's good.
00:45:14 All three.
00:45:15 One, two, three.
00:45:18 She's got it.
00:45:19 Easy.
00:45:20 There she goes.
00:45:21 [Music]
00:45:34 >> Here they come!
00:45:35 [Music]
00:45:40 >> A teacher.
00:45:41 >> I really needed that right now.
00:45:43 [Music]
00:45:49 [Explosion]
00:46:12 >> Holy shit.
00:46:14 >> A special bulletin.
00:46:16 There's been an accident.
00:46:17 An explosion.
00:46:18 It looks like Matilda has been blown totally...
00:46:21 Correction!
00:46:27 Matilda has made an impressive score.
00:46:30 Stand by.
00:46:31 [Engine roaring]
00:46:35 >> Don't you want to take over now?
00:46:37 I'm afraid I'm making us lose an awful lot of time.
00:46:40 >> You're doing just fine.
00:46:42 [Music]
00:46:53 >> Looks like an easy score.
00:46:55 >> Yeah, yes, it does.
00:46:57 >> It's always best to start small.
00:46:59 [Music]
00:47:09 >> I missed it.
00:47:10 >> Take some practice.
00:47:12 >> Before it comes easy?
00:47:14 >> It never comes easy.
00:47:16 Keep your eyes on the road.
00:47:18 How far is it to the penitence compound?
00:47:23 >> Oh, maybe 20 miles.
00:47:27 >> Stop the car.
00:47:31 [Engine roaring]
00:47:40 >> Get out.
00:47:41 >> Out.
00:47:42 >> Come to the other side.
00:47:52 Or on the front.
00:47:58 [Engine roaring]
00:48:01 >> Where is the penitence compound?
00:48:09 >> It's in Japan.
00:48:13 >> Get in.
00:48:19 [Engine roaring]
00:48:25 [Tires screeching]
00:48:28 >> I can just push you out of this car and pick up a quick 30 points.
00:48:31 Who are you? Who are you working for?
00:48:35 >> I'm Thomasina Payne's granddaughter.
00:48:38 >> I'm honored.
00:48:41 So you were going to capture me and replace me with that goon back there.
00:48:47 What for?
00:48:48 >> He was going to deliver our ultimatum to Mr. President.
00:48:54 Your life in exchange for the permanent abolition of the race.
00:48:58 [Laughing]
00:49:08 [Music]
00:49:12 [Music]
00:49:15 >> She was a great dear friend of mine.
00:49:32 And I shall remember her forever howling down that freeway in the sky, knocking over the angels.
00:49:41 >> The valiant Hun's demise was in fact caused by enemies of the people.
00:49:48 There will be a special broadcast by Mr. President at 1900 hours.
00:49:54 Stay tuned to find out how you can help Mr. President preserve our way of life.
00:50:00 >> Come on, turn off the television.
00:50:02 Hey, you guys want to stop playing that song, please?
00:50:05 Look, what we got here is a race, a sporting event, not some kind of daredevil stunt.
00:50:10 I want some kind of protection.
00:50:11 >> You should have given us an escort right after Nero got it.
00:50:14 >> Come on, don't score on the escort, wouldn't you?
00:50:16 >> You want to zip your lip, Myra? Huh?
00:50:19 Now, are you going to cover me or not?
00:50:21 >> Look, Mr. Paterbo, if you're afraid to go on with the race, why don't you quit?
00:50:25 >> You're calling me a turkey?
00:50:26 >> If you ask me, you're all just making excuses for poor driving.
00:50:29 >> Poor driving? Listen, honey, Matilda the Hun was a champion driver.
00:50:34 Ain't nobody could have scored my navigator and gotten away with it.
00:50:37 And he's talking about poor driving.
00:50:39 >> I'd like to see you out there.
00:50:40 >> Yeah.
00:50:41 >> I've been driving for 10 years, nobody talk to me like this.
00:50:43 >> You know who it is?
00:50:44 >> He stinks.
00:50:45 >> It's all on account of the rebels.
00:50:46 >> Who mentioned anything about rebels?
00:50:47 >> There are no rebels.
00:50:49 >> Understand?
00:50:50 >> Well, then who was that old lady on the television?
00:50:53 >> She's a harlots lunatic.
00:50:56 >> Would you please come outside, sir? We'd like to ask you a few questions.
00:50:58 >> Come on, Annie.
00:51:03 >> Alone if you don't mind.
00:51:04 >> Mr. President will explain those accidents during his address to the nation tonight.
00:51:09 >> How did she jam the networks?
00:51:11 >> How'd she bump off our friends?
00:51:13 >> She didn't bump off anybody.
00:51:14 She walked into a television station, waving a gun, forced them to put her on the air.
00:51:18 Now, we've taken her back to the asylum and that is the end of it.
00:51:21 >> You know, I've got just two words to say about that.
00:51:23 >> Oh?
00:51:24 >> Bullshit!
00:51:25 >> Hey! I told you to stop playing that song!
00:51:31 >> You seem to forget, Joe, that I'm a representative of Mr. President's government.
00:51:36 I happen to hold the power of life and death.
00:51:39 >> Yeah? I happen to hold the clam sauce.
00:51:42 >> Look out, Viterbo. You may be the second biggest clown in this circus,
00:51:48 but if I want you dead, you're dead.
00:51:51 >> Dad, thank you.
00:51:52 >> Sit down, Annie!
00:51:53 >> I told you to stop playing that music!
00:52:01 >> Were they armed or did they expect the fire in the ditch to be enough to stop you?
00:52:06 >> I don't know what they expected. We just ran through it all and kept on going.
00:52:10 >> Just one more question, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:52:15 Did you take that particular road on your own initiative or on the advice of your navigator?
00:52:20 >> On my own initiative.
00:52:24 >> Thank you, Mr. Frankenstein. That will be all.
00:52:27 >> There has been a lot of talk about American rebels.
00:52:34 We have positive proof that it was none other than the treacherous French
00:52:40 who have been sabotaging our great race.
00:52:43 Just as they and their stinking European allies have undermined and destroyed our great national economy.
00:52:53 It is no coincidence, my dear children, that the word "sabotage" was invented by the French.
00:53:00 >> Where's Annie?
00:53:01 >> I don't know. Hey, did you hear the news?
00:53:04 Mr. President said it was the French who knocked off Nero and Matilda.
00:53:08 >> Watch out for the creeps, Suzette.
00:53:10 >> Mamadi, Jane Kelly, Machine Gun Joe Viterbo, and Frankenstein
00:53:15 as they begin the last lap of their long and difficult journey toward new Los Angeles.
00:53:24 >> You dropped your keys.
00:53:29 >> I was just looking for something I lost.
00:53:33 >> The race?
00:53:36 >> Joe, I threw you off course, okay? All's fair in love and war.
00:53:42 >> I'm glad to hear you say that, Annie, because what we've got going here definitely ain't love.
00:53:48 >> Well, then why don't we just forget about it?
00:53:52 >> You know, Annie, these two bad things ain't like they were in the old days
00:53:56 when we'd just take somebody in an alley and blow their brains out, you know?
00:54:01 >> Joe, please.
00:54:03 >> Go ahead and scream, Annie.
00:54:05 >> I'm screaming, Joe.
00:54:06 >> There's nobody to hear you.
00:54:07 How does it feel to know you're going to spend the rest of your life in pain?
00:54:18 The rest of your life. It's about a minute and a half.
00:54:22 >> Hey, Frankie, I thought you navigated trying to screw around with the car,
00:54:29 so I thought I'd come out and have a look at what was going on, you know what I mean?
00:54:33 Hey, come on.
00:54:34 [Music]
00:54:54 [Grunts]
00:54:55 [Bell Rings]
00:54:56 [Grunts]
00:54:57 [Music]
00:55:01 [Grunts]
00:55:02 [Music]
00:55:05 [Grunts]
00:55:06 [Music]
00:55:31 [Grunts]
00:55:32 [Music]
00:55:42 >> Upstairs.
00:55:57 >> So much for a fair fight.
00:56:01 Next chance I get, you're dead.
00:56:04 >> What were you doing down there?
00:56:13 Getting more secret instructions from the lunatic fringe?
00:56:16 >> Why don't you just turn me in and get it over with?
00:56:24 >> No need to.
00:56:28 You're blowing your cover. You're no threat to me.
00:56:31 Anyway, you're not someone I would throw away.
00:56:34 >> I have a job to do.
00:56:36 >> Your job is a waste of time. The world doesn't want to be saved.
00:56:41 I'm giving you a chance to save one small part of it.
00:56:44 Yourself.
00:56:46 >> Who are you, anyway?
00:56:49 >> Nobody.
00:56:51 I was brought up in a government training center to be just what I am, Frankenstein.
00:56:57 The best driver on earth, this year.
00:56:59 They use one up, they bring in another.
00:57:03 But I will be the last of the line.
00:57:06 >> Oh, who's kidding who?
00:57:08 >> I never kid.
00:57:13 [Music]
00:57:39 >> Why don't you ever take off that glove?
00:57:42 What's underneath it?
00:57:43 >> It's my secret.
00:57:45 >> You and the Swiss doctors again?
00:57:49 >> There are no Swiss doctors.
00:57:52 Just Native American.
00:57:57 >> Noir.
00:57:59 [Music]
00:58:11 [Footsteps]
00:58:13 >> Have you checked the oil?
00:58:21 >> Yes.
00:58:22 >> Have you checked the hydraulics?
00:58:23 >> An hour ago.
00:58:24 >> Brakes, tires, water?
00:58:26 >> Yeah, they're okay. Everything's okay.
00:58:28 Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything to sabotage the car.
00:58:31 >> You get a load of that face?
00:58:36 >> Yeah, I wonder if somebody got points for that eye.
00:58:40 >> Listen, Frankenstein, there's just you, me, and Joe left in the race.
00:58:44 And, well, I just want you to know that whoever wins or whatever happens,
00:58:49 it's been really grand racing with you folks.
00:58:51 I also want to say that I think you make a real nice couple.
00:58:55 >> Thank you, Jane.
00:58:57 >> Good luck.
00:58:58 >> Joe, Myra.
00:59:08 I just want to say, whatever happens, whoever wins...
00:59:11 >> Hey, save it for the French.
00:59:13 >> The cars are started, lined up, and ready to roll on the last lap.
00:59:20 They're off!
00:59:21 >> Frankenstein, holy freak!
00:59:23 >> Joe has just scored his own pit crew!
00:59:26 >> You lousy sons of bitches!
00:59:28 >> Machine gun Joe Viterbo, that funny man from Chicago,
00:59:35 has scored his own mechanics for 40 points
00:59:39 and is off to catch Calamity Jane and Frankenstein!
00:59:43 >> Screw you, Joe Viterbo and your mother!
00:59:55 Wait till you get to New L.A. first with the highest score, too.
00:59:59 >> It's coming up on the left.
01:00:01 >> Forget it, I'm keeping Frankie in my sights.
01:00:05 >> He's got five minutes on us and he's stretching it.
01:00:08 >> So what? If there's trouble up ahead, he'll find it first.
01:00:11 >> Oh, yeah, take a look at your face.
01:00:14 You'll find it first.
01:00:16 >> You know, Myra, some people might think you're cute.
01:00:21 But me, I think you're one very large baked potato.
01:00:24 >> Rowing down Motorway 66 towards California,
01:00:28 Frankenstein looks certain to be first across the line.
01:00:31 But Machine Gun Joe is still way ahead on points
01:00:35 and he could win the race even by arriving second in New Los Angeles.
01:00:40 What's your prediction, Grace?
01:00:42 >> You know, Junior, when Machine Gun Joe was just a little boy in Chicago,
01:00:48 he had a pet snake that he used to love to ride over with his tricycle.
01:00:53 [engine revving]
01:00:56 [horn honking]
01:01:14 [rock music]
01:01:18 [engine revving]
01:01:21 [tires screeching]
01:01:32 [tires screeching]
01:01:38 [tires screeching]
01:01:43 [tires screeching]
01:01:45 [tires screeching]
01:01:56 [dramatic music]
01:02:11 [horn honking]
01:02:13 [engine revving]
01:02:23 [tires screeching]
01:02:34 [explosion]
01:02:36 >> Break out the thermos and pipe, Audrey.
01:02:48 >> Coming right up.
01:02:50 [engine revving]
01:02:52 >> Here. I didn't mean to hog it all.
01:03:16 >> Hey, what flavor is it?
01:03:18 >> Uh, vanilla.
01:03:20 >> Hmm, not my favorite.
01:03:22 Isn't it vanilla? It's peach or something.
01:03:29 >> Yeah, well, my taste buds got wiped out in the crash of '97.
01:03:32 >> [laughs] Well, it's a good thing that mine is still intact.
01:03:36 At least the French can't poison us.
01:03:38 >> What's Frankenstein's location now?
01:03:44 >> He's about 50 miles out, Lieutenant. They're coming fast.
01:03:48 >> Goodbye, Mrs. Payne.
01:03:54 When you see me again, Frankenstein will be my prisoner,
01:03:56 and the whole country will know we must be taken seriously.
01:03:59 >> Fury, wait. I'm coming with you.
01:04:01 >> No, Mrs. Payne. It's too dangerous.
01:04:03 >> Nonsense. I've waited 20 years for this moment.
01:04:06 Oh, I know I can't join you on the mission,
01:04:08 but I want to see you pull it off with my own eyes.
01:04:13 >> A couple of turnoffs coming up.
01:04:15 What's the quickest way to ULA?
01:04:18 >> That's funny.
01:04:19 >> What?
01:04:20 >> I can't, I can't seem to focus my eyes on the map.
01:04:26 I think we stay on seven.
01:04:28 I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
01:04:30 >> Look at that.
01:04:32 It's them, isn't it?
01:04:37 >> Please, please stop the car.
01:04:40 >> Sorry. We're in a race.
01:04:43 >> Frankenstein, stop right now. We want to talk to you.
01:04:55 Stop before I force you to.
01:05:01 [Siren]
01:05:03 I'll bob you to a halt if I have to.
01:05:28 >> Annie, help me. Turn off the engine.
01:05:31 >> Annie's dead, Mrs. Payne. He must have killed her.
01:05:36 Now I'm really gonna let him have it.
01:05:40 >> Look at that. The Rebels are sure giving it to Frankenstein.
01:05:54 >> Thank you, Rebels.
01:05:55 Baby, I think we got this race won.
01:05:58 >> Aren't we gonna help him, Joe?
01:06:00 >> What are you, nuts or something?
01:06:01 I'm getting my ass out of here before they decide to make emergency landing.
01:06:04 Come on, sit down.
01:06:05 That a girl.
01:06:08 [Engine revving]
01:06:10 [Tires screeching]
01:06:12 [Gunfire]
01:06:19 [Gunfire]
01:06:22 [Gunfire]
01:06:24 [Gunfire]
01:06:39 [Gunfire]
01:06:44 [Gunfire]
01:06:46 [Tires screeching]
01:07:09 [Tires screeching]
01:07:11 [Gunfire]
01:07:31 [Gunfire]
01:07:33 [Gunfire]
01:07:59 [Explosion]
01:08:01 >> Well, America, there you have it.
01:08:04 Frankenstein has just been attacked by the French Air Force.
01:08:08 And he's whipped their derrieres.
01:08:10 His point total for this one will be something astronomical.
01:08:14 Machine gun Joe better watch out.
01:08:16 >> Right on schedule.
01:08:24 >> Hey, what happened?
01:08:26 >> I slipped you a 30-minute sleep X.
01:08:28 Didn't want you doing something back there we would both regret.
01:08:31 >> Did they attack us?
01:08:33 >> According to the radio, we were attacked by the French Air Force.
01:08:36 >> Was the plane shot down?
01:08:38 >> Even those Swiss doctors couldn't have helped.
01:08:41 I'm sorry. I know they were your people.
01:08:44 But I can't let anything stop me now.
01:08:47 >> They didn't expect you to give up easily.
01:08:49 They were prepared for whatever happened.
01:08:51 Oh, my God, you've been hit.
01:08:54 >> I'll make it.
01:08:56 >> I'm sorry things worked out this way.
01:08:59 >> It's not over yet.
01:09:02 >> I'm afraid it is.
01:09:04 >> Hey!
01:09:05 Hey!
01:09:06 [Music]
01:09:09 [Music]
01:09:37 >> What the hell do you think you're doing?
01:09:39 >> It doesn't make any difference what happens to me now.
01:09:41 >> Now that is the dumbest, sorriest thing I've ever heard you say.
01:09:44 I don't believe you've got a drop of Thomasina pain's blood in your whole body.
01:09:49 The minute things get rough, you close your eyes and try to drive us off a cliff.
01:09:53 If you just stop trying to kill me for a minute, I need your help.
01:09:57 >> How can you possibly expect me to help you?
01:10:01 >> You're my navigator.
01:10:02 >> You're the only one who knows where you're going.
01:10:05 I mean, whose side are you on, anyway?
01:10:08 I thought the only thing you cared about was winning the race.
01:10:11 >> Sure.
01:10:12 Only the winner of the race is to shake hands with Mr. President.
01:10:17 >> Is that a grenade?
01:10:18 >> A hand grenade.
01:10:20 That handshake is all I've lived for for as long as I can remember.
01:10:25 >> Now, wait a minute.
01:10:27 I don't want you to die.
01:10:29 >> It's my life's work.
01:10:34 [theme music]
01:10:36 ♪♪
01:10:46 ♪♪
01:10:56 ♪♪
01:11:06 ♪♪
01:11:16 >> Why do you want to win this race so bad?
01:11:18 >> Why do I want to win this race?
01:11:20 In the name of hate.
01:11:22 One big 50 for hate.
01:11:24 ♪♪
01:11:34 ♪♪
01:11:44 ♪♪
01:11:54 ♪♪
01:12:04 ♪♪
01:12:14 ♪♪
01:12:24 ♪♪
01:12:34 ♪♪
01:12:44 ♪♪
01:12:54 ♪♪
01:13:04 >> Give me your hand.
01:13:06 Give me your hand.
01:13:08 ♪♪
01:13:18 ♪♪
01:13:28 ♪♪
01:13:38 ♪♪
01:13:48 >> What worries me is how I'm going to shake hands with Mr. President.
01:13:53 >> Mr. President is the one who should be worried now.
01:13:56 ♪♪
01:14:02 ♪♪
01:14:16 >> He's coming!
01:14:18 Can you hear that engine?
01:14:19 Still in perfect tune.
01:14:21 Here he is, the one and only three-time winner and sole survivor of the 20th annual Transcontinental Road Race, none other than Frankenstein himself.
01:14:34 And now, Mr. President.
01:14:37 >> Our enemy, the French, have destroyed nearly all our gallant racers.
01:14:44 Just as they have crippled our once great economy and wrecked our telephone system.
01:14:51 But even they, in all their evil power, were unable to destroy Frankenstein, who is the embodiment of our national virtue, and therefore indestructible.
01:15:06 It is fitting that Frankenstein should be the one chosen by your president to lead you in this war against the French, which I now decree.
01:15:17 [Gunshot]
01:15:19 Frankenstein has been shot!
01:15:21 There is a French spy in our midst!
01:15:23 Guards, seize that woman!
01:15:25 Frankenstein, are you all right?
01:15:28 ♪♪
01:15:41 >> Eddie!
01:15:42 [Tires screeching]
01:15:45 >> Frankenstein!
01:15:47 [Tires screeching]
01:15:50 [Gunshot]
01:15:51 [Screaming]
01:15:52 [Explosion]
01:15:54 [Indistinct shouting]
01:16:07 [Cheering]
01:16:13 [Chanting] Frankenstein! Frankenstein! Frankenstein!
01:16:27 [Laughing]
01:16:31 >> Mr. and Mrs. President Frankenstein, dear friends of mine, can you tell us what your first official acts will be?
01:16:39 >> I plan to pension off the secret police, restore free elections, end minority privilege, and move the seat of government back to New Los Angeles.
01:16:47 The country has been governed from abroad long enough.
01:16:49 >> Mr. President Frankenstein, is it true that you are now accepting rebels into your government?
01:16:55 >> Well, since I have accepted one into my house.
01:16:59 >> President Frankenstein has appointed my great-grandmother, Thomasina Payne, in view of her experience in the field, as the minister for domestic security.
01:17:08 And I plan to deal very harshly with rebels.
01:17:12 Anybody who is unhappy with happiness can go find someplace else to live.
01:17:18 >> What about the race?
01:17:19 >> The race is abolished.
01:17:21 >> Abolished?
01:17:22 >> That's right.
01:17:23 >> We feel that the country no longer needs this gratuitous display of violence to show the world that its virility is still intact.
01:17:30 >> But Mr. President Frankenstein, is it true that as a racer, your popularity depended entirely on violence?
01:17:36 >> I'm afraid I shall have to let my press secretary answer that question.
01:17:41 >> Stop annoying Mr. President with impertinent questions, Junior.
01:17:44 >> It's the race, man.
01:17:46 >> President Frankenstein, you can't call off the race.
01:17:49 The American people won't stand for it.
01:17:51 >> Get out of the way, Junior.
01:17:54 >> The race is the symbol of everything we hold dear, our American way of life.
01:17:58 Sure, it's violent, but that's the way we love it.
01:18:01 Violent, violent, violent.
01:18:03 And that's why we love you.
01:18:05 >> Frank, do we have to listen to this?
01:18:07 >> No.
01:18:08 [applause]
01:18:18 >> As to this matter of violence, the technique of violence was first developed in 2 million B.C. by the Australopithecines,
01:18:28 a tribe of four-foot primates who had no brains to speak of, but who nevertheless invented the tomahawk and used it on each other.
01:18:38 This practice led to the enlargement of the brain, another useful weapon.
01:18:44 Yes, murder was invented even before man began to think.
01:18:49 Now, of course, man has become known as the thinking animal.
01:18:55 [music]
01:19:24 [music]
01:19:34 [BLANK_AUDIO]