In Charles Frank’s short film, a young man offers a candid look at life with O.C.D. and his experiences with exposure therapy.
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00 [Music]
00:05 Where do I go when I'm this high?
00:08 Whoa, whoa, lost in my mind.
00:12 Where do I go when I'm this high?
00:15 Whoa, whoa, which way should I go?
00:19 [Beeping]
00:23 Where do I go when I'm this high?
00:26 Whoa, whoa, lost in my mind.
00:32 [Music]
00:45 I was so bad at singing.
00:48 I was terrible at singing when I first started.
00:51 Do you mind showing it to us?
00:52 No.
00:59 This is an artificial guitar.
01:02 I would like to learn the guitar, though.
01:06 That's something I probably will do on my OC to get better.
01:11 [Music]
01:21 I'm 17.
01:23 I've probably had OCD since I was like 9.
01:27 Like, I was scared of electricity a lot.
01:30 It's just like anything electric, it's just hard for me to use.
01:34 And I feel like if I touch it, it's going to zap me into like a different world.
01:42 Like I have this computer, and I have so many beats on and songs that I want to work on.
01:47 I want to turn it on, but it's like so hard for me to turn it on.
01:51 Like I was going through so much with this.
01:53 I wouldn't be eating.
01:55 I wouldn't be showering.
01:57 One time I like--I plugged it because I was switching computers because I couldn't use that one anymore.
02:04 And then I was just like, I can never plug it back in again.
02:09 Because if I plug it back in, all this stuff will happen.
02:13 And it will be a--I'll be stuck, and I'll literally have no way to get back.
02:19 And it's actually right there, that computer.
02:23 It's just been there for like 8 months, and I've just not moved it or touched it.
02:28 Because I feel like if I touch it, I'm going to get contaminated by it.
02:33 People don't understand OCD completely.
02:36 It's something that you can really kind of--well, you take the meds and you get over it, and maybe you work on it a bit.
02:42 But this infiltrates every bit of your life.
02:46 It gets into every fiber of your being, and it doesn't let go easy.
02:50 I would go in the shower at like 7 p.m., come out, it'd be 1 a.m.
02:58 I'd be like, where did the time go?
03:02 Say if I have to re-wash my hair, I'd have to re-wash it like 8 times.
03:07 Say if I had a bad thought doing it 8 times, I'd be like, I have to do another 3 times.
03:13 And then, oh no, I can't do 3 because 3's not a good number.
03:20 OCD's kind of like another person.
03:22 It's like another person that's just living in me, and just saying that I have to do stuff.
03:27 [music]
03:34 I spend a lot of time not fighting it.
03:38 Letting it control me.
03:43 It's so hard to do it, but you kind of have to.
03:46 You kind of have to be like, am I going to be like this?
03:51 Am I going to use all my power and defeat this bully?
03:57 [music]
04:17 [door opens]
04:24 [helicopter]
04:34 Anything happen to your number just immediately as I put my hand on the table?
04:41 Yeah, it's like a 6 now.
04:53 Any thoughts specifically about my hand? And the scissors?
04:58 Like, what if I try to cut off one of your fingers?
05:02 Yep, kind of what I would expect OCD to tell you.
05:10 It's important to know that there's a clinical difference between someone who has violent tendencies and wants to hurt people
05:17 and someone who has intrusive thoughts, you know, obsessive intrusive thoughts that just tell them that, you know,
05:24 you might hurt somebody or you probably want to hurt somebody or you're going to do bad things.
05:30 What if you open them up?
05:38 How's that?
05:40 It's doable, but it's an 8.
05:42 Okay. Can we sit with that for a couple minutes?
05:45 Yeah.
05:49 Hopefully I'll still have all five after a couple minutes.
05:55 [helicopter]
06:01 We know that their thoughts are just going to say, what if that's not true about me?
06:05 I'm the kid that they're wrong about and I really am a violent kid and I really am going to hurt somebody.
06:12 That's how obsessive thoughts work. They're not going to let someone off that easy.
06:18 We put kids like Manny in that situation to try to get him used to having a sharp object in his hands.
06:25 You know, push back on OCD and question those thoughts that he has all the time.
06:31 OCD and anxiety really, really want to take us out of this present moment and worry about things that either could happen,
06:38 that might happen in the future, that could have happened in the past.
06:42 What we're really practicing and doing exposures is working through that anxiety
06:46 and then re-centering our focus to like what's going on in the here and now, right?
06:51 So that we're not always just like in another world.
06:56 I remember not even talking to my family because I didn't know what world I was in.
07:04 It got to the point where I didn't want to get better really because I was like, there's nothing else I can do.
07:15 So that's the computer.
07:16 Right there. As you can tell, I haven't touched that in probably like six months.
07:24 And like literally the thought of it has literally paralyzed me.
07:29 Do you want me to pick it up?
07:31 I can do it.
07:33 I think I can.
07:35 It's probably dirty to be honest, but oh no, it's cracked.
07:41 So yeah.
07:44 This is just, um, that won't work anymore.
07:50 It might. It might.
07:54 I don't know. I think I probably, um, I think, you know what happened?
07:58 I think I was just having so much OCD when I was moving it and I just threw it.
08:04 Like I was just like not even focused on anything else.
08:06 And like my OCD was just like so bad.
08:08 So I just tossed it.
08:13 My big fear is me being alone.
08:17 Basically like I can just walk out in the living room and then my family, that's usually my family,
08:24 we have like blank faces, like literally their face is hollow.
08:30 It's like I don't want to be in a different place.
08:37 I just want to be with my right family.
08:44 If I don't try to take on the thing that scares me the most, it's going to be unknown forever.
08:51 And the only way for it to be known is to see if it happens or not.
09:09 Sounds good.
09:15 [Music]
09:20 [Music]
09:24 [Music]
09:29 [Music]
09:34 [Music]
09:39 [Music]
09:44 [Music]
09:49 [Music]
09:56 If I am some magical thing that can literally go through different worlds, so be it.
10:03 I'd be like, yeah, looks like I was right about my entire life.
10:13 You'll never know really what if.
10:17 You just have to kind of do it.
10:21 Even though it's so hard, but you just have to do it.
10:26 [Music]
10:39 But say if you do it and nothing happens, that's a win for you.
10:46 [Music]
11:04 Once I found music, it just made me feel like a whole new experience is open.
11:15 Once you find that thing that you really like doing, it just feels like there's nothing that can stop you from doing it.
11:25 And I just wanted to let you know that OCD is going to get better.
11:39 I'm actually so hyped.
11:44 Oh no, what's the password? Oh, it's Apple.
11:48 Wait, last login, Friday, May 14th, 2021.
11:54 Like almost a year ago.
11:59 And what is this?
12:13 [Music]
12:30 [Music]
12:40 [Music]
12:50 [Music]
13:00 [Music]