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TVTranscript
00:00:00 [no audio]
00:00:02 How do you do?
00:00:19 Mr. Rob Zombie feels it would be a little unkind to present this picture
00:00:26 without just a word of friendly warning.
00:00:29 We are about to unfold the story of El Superbisto, a man of action.
00:00:35 It is one of the strangest tales ever told.
00:00:39 I think it will thrill you.
00:00:42 It may shock you.
00:00:44 It might even horrify you.
00:00:48 So if any of you feel that you do not care to subject your nerves to such a strain,
00:00:53 now is your chance to, uh...
00:00:55 Well, we warned you.
00:00:58 [music]
00:01:00 [music]
00:01:02 [music]
00:01:04 [music]
00:01:06 [music]
00:01:09 [music]
00:01:11 (dramatic music)
00:01:14 (dramatic music)
00:01:17 (dramatic music)
00:01:20 (dramatic music)
00:01:22 (dramatic music)
00:01:25 (dramatic music)
00:01:28 (dramatic music)
00:01:31 (dramatic music)
00:01:34 (dramatic music)
00:01:36 (dramatic music)
00:01:46 (dramatic music)
00:01:51 (dramatic music)
00:01:55 (dramatic music)
00:02:00 (dramatic music)
00:02:03 (dramatic music)
00:02:07 - All right now, bitches, listen up.
00:02:20 The director's on the set.
00:02:21 The director is on the set.
00:02:24 Howdy doodly doo, ladies.
00:02:26 Gather 'round, gather 'round.
00:02:27 Big time movie casting is now in session.
00:02:30 I've got a very special porno,
00:02:32 I mean art film to shoot today.
00:02:35 So time to get a crack a-lackin'.
00:02:38 - You heard him.
00:02:39 Get your asses to crack a-lackin'.
00:02:41 - Now just to let you know,
00:02:42 I'm not one of those shallow Hollywood types
00:02:44 that cast based on looks.
00:02:46 I'm all about pure talent.
00:02:48 I want the audience to believe in the characters,
00:02:50 to experience the emotions.
00:02:52 Breathe in the spicy meatball man
00:02:54 as they breathe life itself.
00:02:57 - All right, Granny.
00:02:58 Tell me a little bit about why I should ignore the fact
00:03:01 that you're like a thousand years old.
00:03:03 - In 1910, I attended the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts
00:03:08 on full scholarship, winning the--
00:03:10 - Next.
00:03:11 - Stunning Porterra Plant--
00:03:12 (screaming)
00:03:15 Oh my God.
00:03:16 I know I'm like totally like a star.
00:03:19 I know it.
00:03:20 - Perfect, perfect.
00:03:22 You're hired.
00:03:23 Next.
00:03:24 - I dig into the inner texture of the soul of the character.
00:03:28 It reflects society's issues with women
00:03:30 and their hatred of the vagina.
00:03:32 - Next.
00:03:33 - Let me tell you.
00:03:34 - No.
00:03:35 - I'd really like to--
00:03:36 - Next.
00:03:36 - People make me nauseous.
00:03:37 - No way.
00:03:38 - Hello.
00:03:39 - Who do I have to fuck?
00:03:41 - No.
00:03:42 - Why did you--
00:03:43 - I'm ready for--
00:03:43 - Next.
00:03:44 - Oh!
00:03:45 - Well, hello honeypens.
00:03:47 - I think a good tan is as important as a good script,
00:03:51 you know?
00:03:52 Also, I can't really read so good,
00:03:54 but I can do 300 crunches without stopping.
00:03:58 - Words are so overrated,
00:03:59 but on the other hand, tight abs, so underrated.
00:04:03 (panting)
00:04:04 - Oh, oh my God.
00:04:05 - Quiet on the set!
00:04:07 - Silence, bitch.
00:04:08 - Big spicy meatball macho man.
00:04:11 Take one.
00:04:12 - And action.
00:04:13 - Uh, line.
00:04:17 - Mamma Mia, how about some delicious sauce for you?
00:04:20 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.
00:04:24 - Okay, and we're still rolling, mate.
00:04:26 - Mamma Mia, how about some delicious sauce
00:04:30 for the spicy jumbo meatball?
00:04:33 - Sal, what are you like totally weird?
00:04:36 That's like so hot.
00:04:38 - If it's not hot, how am I gonna melt the cheese?
00:04:41 Luigi, it's too hot, the cheese is not gonna melt.
00:04:45 (screaming)
00:04:47 - Hey, big boccia.
00:04:49 Just say, "Pazzo in El Testa."
00:04:52 - Shut up, you face.
00:04:54 - Che stafacendo, guy.
00:04:56 - Now that's what I call a spicy meatball.
00:04:59 (bell ringing)
00:05:01 - Oh, Luigi.
00:05:02 Luigi.
00:05:06 - You like it, Luigi?
00:05:12 Yes, you do.
00:05:21 How do you like my canola now?
00:05:23 I'm gonna fill you up with my cream.
00:05:27 Oh, mamma, the big finish, she's inside.
00:05:33 Get ready.
00:05:35 Holy monkey, that wasn't in the script.
00:05:38 Here you go.
00:05:46 (glass shattering)
00:05:49 - Please, tell me that was good for focus.
00:05:56 - Yeah, focus was good, we got it.
00:05:57 - Check that gate, baby.
00:05:58 (spraying)
00:05:59 - Yeah, good gate.
00:06:00 - That's a wrap.
00:06:01 Make sure you hand in your paperwork
00:06:03 with production before you leave.
00:06:06 - Woo, after a hard day of directing slash acting,
00:06:11 there's only one way I like to chillax.
00:06:14 Titty boy.
00:06:15 (laughing)
00:06:17 - Now let's see, confidence?
00:06:19 - Check.
00:06:20 - Frighteningly chiseled good looks?
00:06:22 - Check.
00:06:23 - Noticeable obscene bulge emanating from the lower region?
00:06:26 - What the fuck are you?
00:06:28 - Check-a-doodle-do.
00:06:29 (trumpet blaring)
00:06:30 - Later, G.
00:06:32 - To the real, playa.
00:06:33 - Hey, I'm here to kill the bass.
00:06:37 - Carry on, my simple-minded minimum wage friend.
00:06:41 - Yeah, how do we kill these things on the side?
00:06:44 - I got me an application into the stinky donuts.
00:06:47 - I know, I know, you want an autograph.
00:06:49 - Oh, that'd be great.
00:06:51 - Sorry, I don't sign.
00:06:52 I feel it damages my artistic credibility.
00:06:55 - What?
00:06:56 - Oh, fine.
00:06:57 Take a headshot and here, a Super Beast No Bumper sticker.
00:07:00 Put it on your shit car.
00:07:01 Now lay off!
00:07:03 Kill it!
00:07:04 - Kill it!
00:07:05 - It's about time for my theme song, don't you think?
00:07:08 Maestro, if you please.
00:07:10 (upbeat music)
00:07:12 ♪ Walked upon the dark and Sarah baby thick with body hair ♪
00:07:15 ♪ A wrestling fan, we heard the cries ♪
00:07:17 ♪ And learned him how to memorize ♪
00:07:18 ♪ He sobered up and up and up ♪
00:07:20 ♪ And now this not so little pup ♪
00:07:21 ♪ Had found a knack for pounding guts ♪
00:07:23 ♪ While pounding booze and pounding sluts ♪
00:07:24 ♪ Assholes better watch your ass ♪
00:07:26 ♪ Here comes a mangler with a mask ♪
00:07:27 ♪ And as I have a magic wand it's to be ♪
00:07:30 ♪ A blender, a steam washer, the tenderized meat ♪
00:07:33 ♪ Jam 'em, jam 'em, clock 'em, clock 'em ♪
00:07:37 ♪ As the baby goes ♪
00:07:40 ♪ As the baby goes ♪
00:07:43 ♪ El super-mixto ♪
00:07:45 - Oh shit!
00:07:55 (crashing)
00:07:56 - Hey, man, what the hell?
00:07:58 I hit my head on my face.
00:08:01 - King Twiper!
00:08:02 - Wahoo!
00:08:07 (upbeat music)
00:08:10 - Hi there, Beast-o.
00:08:14 Good to see you're back.
00:08:16 - Well, it's good to see you're back too.
00:08:19 Or should I say, crack.
00:08:20 - Oh, Beast-o.
00:08:21 - Nice rack, buddy.
00:08:28 - Listen, we no longer have a problem.
00:08:32 (grunting)
00:08:35 - Time for a little hair of the dog that bit me, Lloyd.
00:08:39 (laughing)
00:08:40 Get it?
00:08:41 Shining?
00:08:42 - Hilarious.
00:08:43 Fucking comedian.
00:08:45 - What'll it be, Beast-o?
00:08:46 I ain't in the mood for tired '80s references, man.
00:08:49 - Make it the Ethel Merman.
00:08:51 Because I'm a man of superior taste,
00:08:54 I will take an order of your tasty hot wings.
00:08:57 (whistling)
00:08:59 Oh.
00:09:00 Sorry, was the seat taken?
00:09:04 (upbeat music)
00:09:07 (laughing)
00:09:13 (whistling)
00:09:25 - Hello, Beast-o World Enterprises.
00:09:33 - Beast-o, I'm in position.
00:09:34 Operation Iron Eagle is a go.
00:09:36 - Yeah, that's not really gonna work for me.
00:09:39 Can we pencil this in for next Thursday?
00:09:40 - Oh, are you in a bar?
00:09:42 - No, no, I'm not in a bar.
00:09:43 I'm entering a bad cell area.
00:09:45 I just, I might lose--
00:09:46 (phone ringing)
00:09:47 Suzie?
00:09:48 That was my agent.
00:09:50 I'm working a whole synergy thing
00:09:51 with the win-win multi-platform
00:09:52 crossover demographic branding thing.
00:09:55 You wouldn't understand.
00:09:56 (upbeat music)
00:09:57 - Act fun, Blasie.
00:09:58 No running into holes.
00:09:59 - Blasie, no!
00:10:00 (grunting)
00:10:01 Take that, area of holes!
00:10:03 - Halt in the name of the purest head!
00:10:06 - Gotta stay sweet.
00:10:11 OMG, giant spiky iron ball?
00:10:18 So cliche.
00:10:19 Gets a waste, you sweetie,
00:10:21 but it's all in the name of freedom.
00:10:32 Uh-oh.
00:10:32 Start moving!
00:10:38 Whoa, mama!
00:10:42 I bet MacGyver never had anything like this
00:10:47 next to his ta-tas.
00:10:48 (laughing)
00:10:50 Hey, Murray baby, did you miss me?
00:10:56 - Yes, of course, of course I missed you.
00:10:59 I missed you like the stars miss the moon.
00:11:02 - Murray, you need a girlfriend.
00:11:04 - Hmm, if only I could think of someone.
00:11:07 (screaming)
00:11:09 - I was thinking, I mean, I thought of someone.
00:11:11 - Hold that thought.
00:11:12 You better make like a banana and split, baby.
00:11:14 - Uh, okay.
00:11:15 - I'm coming, Murray!
00:11:21 (screaming)
00:11:24 - Hey, man, what's a girl gotta do
00:11:26 to get a theme song around here?
00:11:28 ♪ Susie ♪
00:11:31 ♪ Where you running to with Hitler's head ♪
00:11:36 ♪ Watching you grow from a little child ♪
00:11:39 ♪ To the girl with the ass that drives 'em wild ♪
00:11:43 ♪ Did they try to fit you in a box ♪
00:11:48 ♪ Cleaning up dishes and sucking on cocks ♪
00:11:52 ♪ Was never enough to make you smile ♪
00:11:56 ♪ What the fuck's up with your eye ♪
00:11:58 ♪ But nobody cares when you're getting all wet ♪
00:12:03 ♪ Something 'bout your titties that makes 'em forget ♪
00:12:07 ♪ And you know you got a mission to waste ♪
00:12:10 ♪ Every shit bag you meet ♪
00:12:15 ♪ Susie X ♪
00:12:17 (gunshots)
00:12:19 - Oh, Susie, what have you,
00:12:24 what have you built yourself a robot, baby?
00:12:26 What have you built yourself a horny robot
00:12:28 that could change into all sorts of vehicles?
00:12:31 A Susie X, the X is for extra bonus.
00:12:36 I got to get into your groove.
00:12:39 (gunshots)
00:12:43 - Hi, I'm El Super Bisto,
00:12:47 and I always use dead giveaway shampoo.
00:12:49 - Wow, this is embarrassing.
00:12:51 It's my commercial.
00:12:54 On the TV?
00:12:55 Right up there.
00:12:56 - I don't have any more flakes on my clothes.
00:12:58 People thought I either didn't shower
00:13:00 or had a bad coke problem.
00:13:02 - May cause anal bleeding, penis shrinkage,
00:13:03 migraine, headache, and severe hip or crown blight.
00:13:05 (squeaking)
00:13:07 - You got a problem, Rover?
00:13:09 - Go blow yourself, Has-Been.
00:13:11 - Oh, easy, Bisto.
00:13:13 - Not now, darling.
00:13:14 I need to smash a little fuck face.
00:13:17 (gunshots)
00:13:19 (grunts)
00:13:22 (gunshots)
00:13:24 - Oh my God, you killed him.
00:13:28 - Calm down, folks.
00:13:30 You can't do any real damage to a werewolf without silver.
00:13:33 (angelic music)
00:13:36 (gasps)
00:13:38 - Kid doesn't look so good.
00:13:40 - No worries, he's fine.
00:13:42 Nothing to see here.
00:13:43 (laughs)
00:13:44 - Oh, silver.
00:13:45 - Back to your drink.
00:13:45 - Not the silver.
00:13:47 - Oh, Bisto.
00:13:48 - Hey, bumper pool.
00:13:50 I'm next.
00:13:51 (laughs)
00:13:53 (grunts)
00:13:57 Oh, yeah.
00:13:59 (grunts)
00:14:02 Women.
00:14:04 Women everywhere.
00:14:05 But none of them bear the mark.
00:14:07 My army of video voyeur bats are everywhere
00:14:10 and I can spy on them all.
00:14:12 I can see them in their showers,
00:14:14 in their boudoirs,
00:14:16 even on the camp.
00:14:17 (laughs)
00:14:20 - Where are you, my future queen of evil?
00:14:24 - Oh, look who is in the paper.
00:14:26 - Give me that, you silly noodle ass.
00:14:29 Steve Wachowski.
00:14:31 How many times do I have to tell them
00:14:33 it's Dr. Satan?
00:14:34 Dr. Satan!
00:14:36 Dr. Satan!
00:14:37 Steve Wachowski is no more.
00:14:40 - There, there.
00:14:42 Who's the big man?
00:14:43 - I told them.
00:14:44 I, I, I, I, I, I called the editors.
00:14:47 I even legally changed my name.
00:14:49 - Oh, it's not you, it's them.
00:14:51 - I am evil, aren't I, Otto?
00:14:54 Really, really scary?
00:14:56 - Yes, yes, we all tremble at your very name.
00:14:59 - You do?
00:15:00 - And by midnight tonight,
00:15:02 so will the rest of the world.
00:15:04 - Do tell, Otto.
00:15:06 Tell me again how I will gain
00:15:07 all the satsy powers of hell.
00:15:10 - Oh, God, here we go again.
00:15:12 ♪ Now pay attention 'cause this is serious shit ♪
00:15:16 ♪ Find the woman where the devils bark ♪
00:15:20 ♪ On her backside ♪
00:15:22 ♪ In the book of revelations ♪
00:15:23 ♪ The number of the beast is 603 score six ♪
00:15:25 ♪ Oh yeah ♪
00:15:26 ♪ Bring her back here for a meat pole ride ♪
00:15:29 ♪ Here is an adverb of location referring to this castle ♪
00:15:32 ♪ Meat pole is an adjective describing the kind of ride ♪
00:15:35 ♪ Make her your unholy bride ♪
00:15:38 ♪ Marriage is a contractual union ♪
00:15:39 ♪ Generally recognized by society, religion ♪
00:15:41 ♪ And/or government ♪
00:15:42 ♪ In other words, legalized fucking ♪
00:15:44 ♪ Then you will be transmogrified ♪
00:15:46 ♪ Into one giant fierce, horrifying Dr. Satan ♪
00:15:50 ♪ With all the satsy powers of hell ♪
00:15:53 ♪ Backside, meat pole ride ♪
00:15:55 ♪ Unholy bride, transmogrified ♪
00:15:58 ♪ And if all these things should coincide ♪
00:16:00 ♪ Y'all motherfuckers better run and hide ♪
00:16:02 ♪ From one giant fierce, horrifying Dr. Satan ♪
00:16:04 ♪ With all the satsy powers of hell inside ♪
00:16:09 - Well, all right.
00:16:11 ♪ With all the satsy powers of hell ♪
00:16:16 I will be kicking some major ass, Buster.
00:16:19 Hurry, Otto, to the joystick.
00:16:21 - Ladies and gentlemen,
00:16:25 the haunted palace is proud to present
00:16:28 Miss Velvet Von Black.
00:16:40 ♪ She's the girl you read about in girly magazines ♪
00:16:44 ♪ While you've got your wiener in your hand ♪
00:16:48 ♪ She is more addictive than a mountain of crack ♪
00:16:52 ♪ Velvet, Velvet Von Black ♪
00:16:56 ♪ Every fella gives the old thumbs up when she is near ♪
00:16:59 ♪ Melon's sad, could feed a pack of bears for a year ♪
00:17:03 ♪ Biles of ticks and a garden of ass ♪
00:17:07 ♪ Velvet makes you harder than a calculus class ♪
00:17:10 ♪ She could suck the pee right off of a painting of a unicorn ♪
00:17:15 ♪ She could fuck you right in half ♪
00:17:22 ♪ Her cats are poseable ♪
00:17:24 ♪ That makes them hose-able ♪
00:17:28 Two, three, four.
00:17:29 ♪ She'd be fun to lick like a flea to list stamp ♪
00:17:33 ♪ Especially if you like the taste of kerosene lamps ♪
00:17:37 ♪ Did I forget to sing about her monstrous rack ♪
00:17:41 ♪ Velvet, Velvet Von Black ♪
00:17:44 ♪ If you want to meet her for a casual screw ♪
00:17:48 ♪ Don't be shocked when you get balls of oil as blue ♪
00:17:52 ♪ She will steal your cash and shove a shiv in your back ♪
00:17:56 ♪ Velvet, Velvet Von Black ♪
00:17:59 ♪ Fun bags, equals, ♪
00:18:03 ♪ Ghosts, domes, gobbles ♪
00:18:07 ♪ Velvet, Velvet Von Black ♪
00:18:10 - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, is that it, Otto?
00:18:18 The mark, I think I see the mark.
00:18:21 - You know, I think that mark could be due
00:18:22 to G-string chafing.
00:18:24 - Otto, you must fetch her for me.
00:18:26 That could be the mark of my unholy pride.
00:18:30 - You know, just when I've almost perfected my souffle.
00:18:33 - Listen, you, you wouldn't even be able to say souffle
00:18:37 if I hadn't put that smart squirrel in your head.
00:18:39 I can always take it out, you know.
00:18:42 - Send you back to the jungle.
00:18:44 You remember the jungle, don't you?
00:18:47 (dramatic music)
00:18:48 (monster growling)
00:18:51 - Ah, ah, ooh, ooh, not the jungle, not the jungle.
00:18:54 There's no cable in the jungle.
00:18:56 - Are we on the same page, monkey?
00:19:00 - Yes, yes, master, yes.
00:19:01 - Good.
00:19:02 - Now, huff it out of here, goldbrick.
00:19:04 (monster growling)
00:19:05 (monster barking)
00:19:08 (bell ringing)
00:19:13 - It's hot out.
00:19:20 Tomorrow's gonna be even hotter, they say.
00:19:27 - Yes, hot weather happens in the summer.
00:19:29 - See the game last night?
00:19:37 - A real white knuckler.
00:19:42 - That Puerto Rican kid, he can really hit.
00:19:46 (bell ringing)
00:19:48 - Okay, then.
00:20:00 Here we go, see ya.
00:20:01 (bell ringing)
00:20:02 Ah, finally.
00:20:03 (monster barking)
00:20:06 - I think I left a nickel on stage.
00:20:11 Consider it my donation to the Sad Ass Hoe Club.
00:20:15 - Aye, what did she say?
00:20:17 - I said sad hoe, you sad ass deaf hoe.
00:20:20 (screaming)
00:20:22 - Funny.
00:20:22 - Wedgies, all up in my pussy and shit.
00:20:26 - Excuse me, but I didn't see no sign
00:20:38 saying dumb ass ape wanted.
00:20:40 - Charming.
00:20:40 - All right, here we go.
00:20:44 Keep it simple.
00:20:44 No fancy stuff needed.
00:20:46 After all, she's only a stripper.
00:20:48 You're a world famous man of action.
00:20:51 No need to be nervous.
00:20:53 Hello, Miss Von Black?
00:20:55 - Come on, get in there.
00:20:57 A little to the level.
00:20:58 - Excuse me, didn't catch that.
00:21:02 - Come, come, come.
00:21:04 - Come in?
00:21:04 Well, I don't mind if I do.
00:21:06 I hope you're not deeply.
00:21:08 (screaming)
00:21:10 - No!
00:21:12 - Hey, should I leave or join in?
00:21:15 I'm just gonna go.
00:21:19 Come on, visto, flowers, beer hat.
00:21:24 Stop thinking with your brain
00:21:26 and start thinking with your--
00:21:27 (screaming)
00:21:28 - Do I look like a wheelbarrow?
00:21:30 Get your hands off me.
00:21:31 - Did you say something?
00:21:32 - Negative.
00:21:33 - Hello, will somebody get a monkey off of it?
00:21:36 (screaming)
00:21:38 - Take your stinking paws off her, you damn dirty ape.
00:21:43 - Now that's a little derivative, don't you think?
00:21:46 (growling)
00:21:48 (upbeat music)
00:21:52 - That is one kinky broad.
00:21:58 - Hello, am I in for some hot monkey love?
00:22:06 Is that it?
00:22:07 Keep quiet, this is humiliating enough.
00:22:10 What would Penelope say if she knew
00:22:12 I was with someone like you?
00:22:13 - Fiat, your shit should be honored.
00:22:14 - I bet if I save Velvet from that screwy ape,
00:22:17 she'll love me long time.
00:22:19 But my order of hot wings is almost up
00:22:21 and I do love the hot wings.
00:22:23 - Draping my ass over your hairy ass fucking shoulders
00:22:26 like I was a mink ass stolen shit.
00:22:28 - Mink stole?
00:22:29 More like a stanky mole.
00:22:31 - Motherfucker, if you wanna scratch this nip,
00:22:33 you better watch your ass mouth.
00:22:35 - Oh, but she does have an amazing ass
00:22:37 and those jumbo jiggly wigglies.
00:22:40 The only thing that comes close
00:22:41 is the blue cheese they give you with the wings.
00:22:44 You see, the wings are spicy
00:22:45 and the blue cheese cools them off just so.
00:22:47 - Madam?
00:22:49 - You repulse me.
00:22:51 - Hey monkey, where's your organ grinder?
00:22:55 (laughing)
00:22:56 - I find that very hurtful.
00:22:58 - Oh, boo hoo.
00:22:59 You know what else is hurtful?
00:23:00 Your thumb all up in my ass.
00:23:03 - My thumb is not in your ass.
00:23:05 - Well, why not?
00:23:06 What are you, queer?
00:23:07 (moaning)
00:23:10 (buzzer buzzing)
00:23:15 - Dah!
00:23:16 I'll save the day.
00:23:18 Celebrity coming through.
00:23:21 Out of the way, lard ass.
00:23:23 Grab my car, pronto.
00:23:25 I'm in a hurry.
00:23:26 - Hey, get to the back of the fucking line.
00:23:29 - People, people.
00:23:30 I only have so many headshots.
00:23:33 Motherfucker, I don't want this.
00:23:35 - Fine, here's a free copy of my new CD, "Bisto Crankies."
00:23:38 It's a full 40 minutes of phony phone calls.
00:23:40 - Hi, I'm calling from the bank.
00:23:43 - Bisto, nigga, I know it's you.
00:23:44 - No, it's not Bisto.
00:23:46 I'm calling from the bank.
00:23:48 - Bisto!
00:23:50 You hear me?
00:23:51 Stop calling my ass.
00:23:52 - I have some--
00:23:53 - Bisto.
00:23:54 - Banking business to--
00:23:55 (laughing)
00:23:58 Now I'm off to see Suzy X.
00:24:02 - What a dickhead.
00:24:04 - Thank you.
00:24:05 ♪ Explosion ♪
00:24:11 ♪ Hey, look at that bunch of zombies ♪
00:24:14 ♪ I think they're Nazis ♪
00:24:16 ♪ That one had a tongue ♪
00:24:18 ♪ She throws a beam ♪
00:24:19 ♪ She blows up but a bunch get through ♪
00:24:22 ♪ Why does a zombie need a scarf ♪
00:24:25 ♪ She turns left ♪
00:24:27 ♪ Some don't make it ♪
00:24:29 ♪ Zombie Nazis fucking with my day ♪
00:24:32 ♪ Now here they come ♪
00:24:34 ♪ Time to put on lipstick ♪
00:24:36 ♪ That's not safe while you're driving ♪
00:24:38 ♪ And here comes a train ♪
00:24:40 ♪ Sweet bleeding Christ ♪
00:24:41 ♪ She fucking jumps the train ♪
00:24:46 ♪ Look at that asshole ♪
00:24:47 ♪ What's he supposed to be ♪
00:24:49 ♪ Oopsie, hundreds of people dead ♪
00:24:53 ♪ She got away and everything is great ♪
00:24:56 ♪ Are you shitting me ♪
00:24:58 ♪ Here comes more of them ♪
00:25:01 ♪ Zombie Nazis blocking up the road ♪
00:25:04 ♪ Now the chase is done ♪
00:25:06 ♪ So we can end this song ♪
00:25:09 - Okay, okay, I'll make you a deal.
00:25:13 You surrender the head of the Fuhrer, okay?
00:25:17 And we promise we will show you mercy.
00:25:20 That's the best I can do.
00:25:21 - Oh, I love it when you boys talk all nasty Nazi to me.
00:25:24 I get all crazy inside.
00:25:27 Now, who wants a little head?
00:25:29 - I do, I do, I do.
00:25:30 - Uh-oh.
00:25:31 - What was that, Murray?
00:25:32 - Oh, the flu.
00:25:33 That's what I meant.
00:25:34 I think I'm getting it.
00:25:35 - Get the Fuhrer's head, Hans Wilhelm.
00:25:38 Get the Fuhrer's head.
00:25:39 Show the Nazis how to do it, please.
00:25:41 (yells)
00:25:43 - Hold me tight, my big, strong pioneer.
00:25:48 - Holy crap.
00:25:49 - Dip it and start spinning, pussycat.
00:25:52 (guns firing)
00:25:53 (yells)
00:25:55 - Nice.
00:26:02 - Keep it up.
00:26:05 (yells)
00:26:08 - Oh, God.
00:26:11 - Coward, ya-ya.
00:26:13 - Beast-O, what are you doing here?
00:26:15 - Hold this.
00:26:16 (yells)
00:26:17 - Hey, I recognize this dude.
00:26:18 He's the little tram.
00:26:20 (laughs)
00:26:20 He's hysterical.
00:26:22 He's taller than I thought.
00:26:23 - What's up, bro?
00:26:24 What's the dealio, yo?
00:26:25 - I need your help with a little problem.
00:26:27 I mean, it's barely even that, really.
00:26:29 Let's call it a situation.
00:26:31 - Beast-O-Man, don't waste my time.
00:26:32 Is this about pussies?
00:26:33 - No.
00:26:34 - Poon-tang?
00:26:35 - Nada.
00:26:36 - Tool shed?
00:26:37 - Nine.
00:26:38 - Cock-head?
00:26:39 - Nope.
00:26:39 - Lupa?
00:26:40 - Negative.
00:26:41 - Fur-pat? - Nope.
00:26:42 - Bearded clam? - Nipsey Russell?
00:26:43 - Fish patty?
00:26:44 - Panty hamster?
00:26:44 Vertical bacon sandwich?
00:26:45 - No, ma'am.
00:26:46 - Okay, I'll help.
00:26:48 - You didn't say fat cave.
00:26:49 - What did you say?
00:26:50 - I said, it seems a crafty monkey
00:26:52 with a big screw in his head kidnapped
00:26:54 this sweet, sweet, innocent little village girl
00:26:56 against her will in front of my very eyes.
00:26:59 The boss.
00:27:00 (gunshot)
00:27:01 - Primate kidnappers?
00:27:02 Sounds groovy, baby.
00:27:03 I'm in.
00:27:04 But if you're just trying to get into
00:27:06 said village girl's knickers,
00:27:07 then you are gonna be the sorry chip buster.
00:27:10 - Dynamite.
00:27:11 Find out what tree the smelly ape is hiding in
00:27:13 and hit my digits.
00:27:14 It's easy as pie.
00:27:15 - Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
00:27:17 What exactly are you gonna do?
00:27:18 (dramatic music)
00:27:20 - Boo shizzle.
00:27:20 I'm gonna keep it real, talk to my peeps,
00:27:22 get the 411 from my boys back in the hood, yo.
00:27:25 Oh, and here's your pickled fuhrer.
00:27:27 - All right, shit-lert youth!
00:27:31 It's your lucky day!
00:27:32 You want it?
00:27:33 Here it is!
00:27:34 Come and get it!
00:27:35 - Ah, mein fuhrer!
00:27:37 I will save you!
00:27:38 At last, mein fuhrer.
00:27:42 You are home!
00:27:44 All hail the fuhrer!
00:27:46 Our fearless leader has returned!
00:27:49 (crowd cheering)
00:27:52 - I think you're gonna like this new design.
00:27:58 - Mein fuhrer, why do you not sing with us, hm?
00:28:02 Oh, what a big breath mint.
00:28:06 (explosion booms)
00:28:08 - Lock on that bitch.
00:28:13 Step off them pump hose.
00:28:14 Them ships are mine.
00:28:16 Where the fuck we going now?
00:28:18 What kind of fright night bullshit is this?
00:28:20 - Oh, please refrain from speaking.
00:28:22 I know you must be proud of your beauty school education,
00:28:25 but your constant use of profanity
00:28:27 is an assault on my Wellingtonian sensibilities.
00:28:30 - I ain't the one with a dingleberry
00:28:32 hanging off my ass heads, nasty ape and shit.
00:28:35 - Yes, well, I'm not so sure about that.
00:28:37 - The stink in this landfill is killing my qua.
00:28:40 I'm gonna have to get Tana Nisha now to fix my weed.
00:28:44 (gentle music)
00:28:46 - Hey, how about them gas prices?
00:28:51 Not that I have any place to go.
00:28:54 - Hey, monkey, hello.
00:29:00 I think he's talking to you.
00:29:01 He sure as ain't talking to me.
00:29:03 - DGIF, huh?
00:29:07 Yeah.
00:29:10 - Oh, Friday already?
00:29:11 Seems like Wednesday.
00:29:12 - Oh, they.
00:29:16 - Speaking of gas prices.
00:29:23 - Shit, even my ass is bored.
00:29:26 Don't think I'm apologizing neither.
00:29:29 You know that shit smells good.
00:29:30 - Oh, delicious, the plowman's lunch.
00:29:34 - Finally got that itching under control.
00:29:36 - Oh, God.
00:29:37 - Yeah, nipped that right in the butt.
00:29:39 (dramatic music)
00:29:42 - Hey, what's wrong with you, car?
00:30:01 - Hey, fellas.
00:30:04 (guns firing)
00:30:07 - What the friggety fuck?
00:30:11 Hello to you too.
00:30:12 - Yo, what's that?
00:30:14 Where you been?
00:30:15 Turn your back on your homeboys, huh?
00:30:17 Blood is blood.
00:30:19 - Yeah, whew, I've been like crazy busy.
00:30:21 I lost my cell phone too.
00:30:23 Lost like every number.
00:30:24 You look good, really good.
00:30:27 You losing weight?
00:30:28 - That's not cool, Holmes.
00:30:29 You could have been dead in a ditch somewhere.
00:30:31 We were worried sick.
00:30:33 Rodriguez hasn't slept in a month.
00:30:34 (Ricardo crying)
00:30:37 - Look, Rico, you're my homie.
00:30:40 And as Ricky Ricardo said to Fred,
00:30:42 don't be such a pussy.
00:30:45 - Look what you've done to Rodriguez now.
00:30:47 You're so mean.
00:30:48 - Oh, boo hoo.
00:30:49 Look, I need some info on a giant horny ape.
00:30:51 Pronto, amigos.
00:30:53 - Not so fast, Holmes.
00:30:55 First, we gotta see if you're still one of us.
00:30:58 - I was afraid of this.
00:30:59 (dramatic music)
00:31:02 (monkey chattering)
00:31:05 - No.
00:31:09 (laughing)
00:31:13 - Oh, you still the man, bro.
00:31:17 - Yes, I am.
00:31:19 I missed you guys.
00:31:21 Get in here.
00:31:22 Okay, get in the little gatehouse.
00:31:27 (dramatic music)
00:31:30 (door slams)
00:31:32 - This is it.
00:31:33 Make yourself comfortable.
00:31:34 No, don't, don't.
00:31:35 I'm afraid of what that might entail.
00:31:37 - Mm-hmm.
00:31:38 (bubbles popping)
00:31:38 Flat screen.
00:31:40 Mm, sweet.
00:31:41 That'll be fucking plasma.
00:31:43 Better be a fucking mini bar.
00:31:44 Ooh, hot damn, that is.
00:31:46 You did good, monkey.
00:31:48 - I'll be back to run your bath.
00:31:50 Perhaps performing some ablutions
00:31:51 will make you more palatable.
00:31:53 Try to remain somewhat coherent.
00:31:55 - What did you just call me?
00:31:56 - I said, what did you just call me?
00:31:58 - Somewhat coherent.
00:31:58 - What did you just call me?
00:32:00 You're the one who's all fucking coherent and shit.
00:32:02 What the hell are these tiny bottles for, huh?
00:32:05 What you think I am, a fucking midget or something?
00:32:07 I ain't no Lilliputian and shit.
00:32:08 - Nice mouth.
00:32:09 You'll make the perfect bride.
00:32:11 (door slams)
00:32:13 ♪ I hear the cottonwoods whispering above ♪
00:32:18 ♪ Tammy, Tammy, Tammy ♪
00:32:22 - Tau.
00:32:24 Oh, there we go.
00:32:27 Hello.
00:32:27 (alarm blaring)
00:32:30 I don't want to add up for you.
00:32:35 That's it, keep it going.
00:32:36 Keep it going, yep.
00:32:37 (alarm blaring)
00:32:40 Oh, oh, come on, buddy, stick with it.
00:32:42 Stick with it, stick with it.
00:32:43 Ooh, ooh, yeah.
00:32:45 Keep it up, keep it up, yeah.
00:32:46 - Dr. Satan, I won't see you--
00:32:48 - Look at her.
00:32:49 - What did I say about me in the bedroom?
00:32:51 - Triply sorry about interrupting your wank, sir.
00:32:53 Miss Van Black is in her room.
00:32:55 - Sorry, nothing.
00:32:56 - Get out!
00:32:56 Damn it.
00:32:59 That moment is ruined.
00:33:00 ♪ El superfista ♪
00:33:02 - De lista.
00:33:06 (dramatic music)
00:33:09 (door slams)
00:33:13 - Hmm.
00:33:14 Come on, Susie, call.
00:33:20 What am I up against?
00:33:21 I do not call this professional.
00:33:23 Ah, screw it.
00:33:25 What's the worst that could happen?
00:33:27 (screaming)
00:33:29 Nah, that stuff only happens in the movies.
00:33:34 (whimpering)
00:33:35 - You want a little bed, bud?
00:33:38 Yeah.
00:33:39 - What the?
00:33:40 - Right there.
00:33:40 Oh, yeah.
00:33:41 - Oh, you're a dirty little girl, aren't you?
00:33:44 Daddy likey.
00:33:45 You wanna make little sounds?
00:33:48 How-a-ya-ya-a.
00:33:49 (whimpering)
00:33:53 Yowza!
00:33:54 - Damn, baby, your shit is stitched tight.
00:33:56 Mm-mm.
00:33:57 - Bert!
00:33:58 - Hey, visto!
00:33:59 - Bert, you sly dog.
00:34:00 (laughing)
00:34:02 Hey, listen, have you seen a monkey run through here?
00:34:04 - Oh, man, he went that way
00:34:06 carrying some grade-A booty.
00:34:08 You dig?
00:34:09 Hey, that's cold, baby.
00:34:11 - Give me a call if this doesn't work out.
00:34:15 - Hey, squirrel, do I look like I wanna talk to you?
00:34:19 - I ain't here to talk.
00:34:20 I'm here for the All-American Ass Party.
00:34:22 - How 'bout you make yourself useful
00:34:23 and go get me some beer nuts?
00:34:25 - Oh, mama, I got your nuts right here.
00:34:27 Why don't you saw 'em?
00:34:28 (gunshots)
00:34:30 - Sorry about the door.
00:34:33 I just had sex.
00:34:34 (gunshots)
00:34:36 - All right, babies, listen up!
00:34:39 - It's Suzy and Smoke!
00:34:41 - I just remembered,
00:34:42 I've gotta go visit my sister, Bernice, in Newark.
00:34:45 I've gotta put some ointment on her fistula.
00:34:47 So long!
00:34:48 (gunshots)
00:34:51 - You see that, girl?
00:34:52 The one killing?
00:34:53 She's my girlfriend.
00:34:56 - Let's expect them whooshin' gooshes.
00:34:58 That's fresh.
00:34:59 Fun bags are fully inflated
00:35:01 and ready for official clown business.
00:35:03 - Oh, you want some clown business, do you, Greaseball?
00:35:06 (laughing)
00:35:07 Well, dig these bums of steel.
00:35:10 (screaming)
00:35:11 - Man, you bitch!
00:35:13 - I need some info on a ugly, filthy, stinky ape!
00:35:17 And I'm gonna squeeze every one of ya zits
00:35:20 out of ya, pops!
00:35:21 (groaning)
00:35:24 - I have to take this.
00:35:28 It's my agent.
00:35:29 Pilot season.
00:35:30 Uh, have we heard anything?
00:35:31 Oh, really?
00:35:32 Fred Savage?
00:35:33 Great.
00:35:34 (laughing)
00:35:35 That's all I'm saying.
00:35:37 If Flame of Flav can do it, why not me?
00:35:40 See, now we're on the--
00:35:41 (crashing)
00:35:42 - Dr. Satan, that is the barrel-chested luchador
00:35:45 that saw me kidnap Miss Von Black!
00:35:48 - So, the graveyard is crammed with security.
00:35:51 What's the big stinkaroo?
00:35:52 (horn honking)
00:35:53 Ooh, pretty.
00:35:54 (dramatic music)
00:35:58 - I'm not yelling at you.
00:36:03 I'm not, I'm not yelling at you.
00:36:05 I'm just saying I deserve to be a star.
00:36:09 (roaring)
00:36:10 Well, I am, I know I'm a star,
00:36:12 but I wanna be a bigger fucking star.
00:36:13 (roaring)
00:36:17 Um, I gotta go.
00:36:18 - Listen to me, Tootsie.
00:36:21 Ain't no dame ever gonna make me 10-pick, you hear?
00:36:24 I've been kicked around by the best.
00:36:26 Joey the Roach, Frankie the Mug, Jimmy the Cracker.
00:36:28 - All right, you little worm.
00:36:30 You gotta tell I count to three to tell me
00:36:31 who that smelly ape with the screw in his noggin
00:36:33 is working for, or I'm gonna blow your little
00:36:36 friggin' worm head into a million pieces.
00:36:38 - Yeah, blow me.
00:36:39 - Uno.
00:36:40 - F you.
00:36:41 - Dos.
00:36:41 - Bet you can't even count to three.
00:36:43 - And three.
00:36:45 I mean, tres.
00:36:46 - Go ahead, blondie.
00:36:47 I don't wanna live, you hear me?
00:36:49 I don't wanna live!
00:36:51 Ah, fine, Dr. Satan.
00:36:54 (gunshot)
00:36:56 - We've got a name, an address.
00:36:57 Let's move, Tin Man!
00:36:59 Thanks, fellas!
00:37:00 Nice ass-kicking.
00:37:01 Ta-ta!
00:37:02 (roaring)
00:37:05 - You picked the wrong guy on the wrong night.
00:37:11 I just lost another goddamn pilot
00:37:14 to that punk from Malcolm in the Middle!
00:37:16 You like that?
00:37:18 This is the result of several pushups
00:37:21 and that new ab thingy.
00:37:23 It looks kinda shitty, but it really works.
00:37:25 - My ball joint.
00:37:27 - Listen, ass pile.
00:37:30 Get out of my fucking fuck face.
00:37:33 - No, you get out of my friggin' face.
00:37:36 - Out of the way, Sally.
00:37:38 - Note three, Barbara!
00:37:40 - Look, Mary, I'm an A-list celebrity.
00:37:44 I don't have time for this shit!
00:37:46 - Oh yeah?
00:37:47 Well, you're also on private property, you stupid baby.
00:37:50 - Hold that thought.
00:37:53 Hello?
00:37:54 - Who loves you, baby?
00:37:55 Dig it.
00:37:56 I got the low down on the ho down.
00:37:58 Yeah, the ape works for some cat called Dr. Satan
00:38:00 and he's trying to take over the world.
00:38:02 Huh, yeah, right!
00:38:04 - Dr. Satan?
00:38:05 Holy shnikes!
00:38:07 What would that crazy fruit ball want with my lady?
00:38:10 - Did you say your lady?
00:38:12 I knew this was about pussy!
00:38:14 - Cell phone people are so rude!
00:38:18 - Bisto, are you all right?
00:38:20 Are you okay?
00:38:20 - Fred Savage?
00:38:22 Is that you?
00:38:23 - Murray, I can dig a scene
00:38:27 and this one is about to swing mondo.
00:38:29 Bisto's hit the ultra skids
00:38:30 and I ain't a dame to take it on the arches
00:38:32 with a brother in Dragsville, baby.
00:38:37 ♪ Check it out, I'm yelp the dimp ♪
00:38:39 ♪ The ladies pimp ♪
00:38:40 ♪ The women fight for my delight ♪
00:38:41 ♪ But I'm the grandmaster with the three MCs ♪
00:38:44 ♪ That shock the house for the young ladies ♪
00:38:46 ♪ And when you come inside into the front ♪
00:38:48 ♪ We do the freaks bank, I do the bump ♪
00:38:50 ♪ And when the sucker MCs try to prove a point ♪
00:38:52 ♪ We'll trick this trio ♪
00:38:53 ♪ I win the serious joint ♪
00:38:54 ♪ From sun to sun and from day to day ♪
00:38:57 ♪ I sent down the light, a brand new rhyme ♪
00:38:59 ♪ Because they say that miracles never cease ♪
00:39:01 ♪ I've created a devastating masterpiece ♪
00:39:03 ♪ I'm gonna rock the mic so you can't resist ♪
00:39:05 ♪ Everybody, I say it's over ♪
00:39:07 ♪ Break off the plug, oh my ♪
00:39:09 (screaming)
00:39:10 - God damn it, I don't owe you a knack!
00:39:13 Who the fuck is that?
00:39:17 - Quit with the charade, nobody's buying it.
00:39:20 Everybody in this room knows who I am.
00:39:22 Am I right, people?
00:39:24 (cheering)
00:39:26 - Oh, the short bus, I know you.
00:39:30 You're the dorky freshman who is obsessed with my sister.
00:39:34 No, I'm not, I'm Doctor Satan!
00:39:37 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're little Stevie Peepy
00:39:42 Pants Wachowski.
00:39:43 (singing)
00:39:45 ♪ If you love blueberries, kiss my toes ♪
00:39:49 ♪ If you got an appetite for some sticky sweet ♪
00:39:53 ♪ Puffin' and puffin' ♪
00:39:55 ♪ Eat me up, I'm your real love muffin ♪
00:40:02 Nice song, nerd, listen to this one.
00:40:04 (screaming)
00:40:06 Yeah, get a load of this, ladies.
00:40:13 I'm awesome, I'm awesome, I'm awesome.
00:40:15 Let's not go through all that again,
00:40:17 just hand Velvet over like a good little nerd
00:40:19 and I can get busy tapping that S.
00:40:21 - All right, listen up, you dumb jock.
00:40:23 Velvet Von Black is mine!
00:40:25 At midnight, she will be my unholy bride and all mine.
00:40:28 Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
00:40:31 (singing)
00:40:33 - Is that me?
00:40:36 Oh, I gotta take this.
00:40:37 Yello, talk to me, baby.
00:40:40 Give me some good news.
00:40:41 Oh, really?
00:40:44 - Kronger, discipline him!
00:40:47 - Yes, master, yes!
00:40:48 (dramatic music)
00:40:51 - That's right, bitch.
00:40:55 Yeah, we'll see who's wedgie boy now, huh, hotshot, huh?
00:41:00 (sizzling)
00:41:02 (clapping)
00:41:03 Ouch!
00:41:04 - There you are.
00:41:08 Yo, go pass me some more of that champagney shit.
00:41:11 - Oh, God.
00:41:13 Hold still.
00:41:14 - Hey, hey, hey, eat me with that brush, you creep.
00:41:16 I'm tender-headed.
00:41:17 - Believe me, I don't want to do this any more than you do.
00:41:20 - Don't front.
00:41:21 You know you staring at my Wunder Twins.
00:41:23 You want your monkey juice on these shit, don't you?
00:41:25 - No, put the twins to bed.
00:41:27 I would rather shuck out my eyes with a rusty clam knife.
00:41:30 - Mm-hmm.
00:41:31 Hand me that bottle, bozo.
00:41:33 - Here you go.
00:41:34 (laughing)
00:41:35 - Hey, hey, hey, hey, you're dirtying my bathwater, monkey.
00:41:38 Whoa, oh.
00:41:39 Ooh, hey, let's not have that.
00:41:43 Hidden talents in sheer.
00:41:45 - Blah, I heard a stench.
00:41:47 It's like bilge water from the River Thames.
00:41:50 - Now, why'd you stop?
00:41:51 I'm the one who tells you when.
00:41:53 - Shit, it was a mistake, I assure you.
00:41:55 Like casting George Lazenby as 007.
00:41:58 - Mistake my ass.
00:41:59 You know, once you go black, you never go back.
00:42:02 That's Von Black, bitch.
00:42:04 - I need some mouthwash and a mind eraser immediately.
00:42:07 - Why, why, why?
00:42:09 Why, why, why?
00:42:14 - Hey, brother.
00:42:18 - Snap out of it.
00:42:20 - That's just perfect.
00:42:22 All right, who said it?
00:42:24 Who dared interrupt my big moment?
00:42:26 - Well, that would be me, brother.
00:42:28 The toughest mat grappling the side of your mama's panties.
00:42:31 Ha ha, el gato.
00:42:36 - Who really gives a shit?
00:42:37 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm busy.
00:42:39 - Okay, bring it up.
00:42:40 - How's that?
00:42:41 - Up a bit, yeah.
00:42:42 - Is that good? - Okay, that's it.
00:42:43 - Scene 67, take two.
00:42:44 (camera clicking)
00:42:46 - Uh, ah, damn it.
00:42:49 See, this is what happens.
00:42:50 This is what happens.
00:42:52 Line, please.
00:42:53 - Why?
00:42:55 - Oh, right.
00:42:56 Why, why, why?
00:42:58 Why, why, why?
00:43:03 - I can't believe you're here.
00:43:08 My idol, locked in chains like a towel-headed Guantanamo.
00:43:12 - Yeah, well, this is a temporary setback, see?
00:43:16 - Remember when I was pitted against
00:43:18 the raging earth's crust at the Razzle Dome?
00:43:20 - No.
00:43:21 - Oh yeah, I mean, he was squeezing my head.
00:43:23 Like I was a--
00:43:24 - Do you mind?
00:43:25 I'm trying to formulate an exciting plan of action.
00:43:28 - And then, then he yanked my balls off.
00:43:30 - That's great.
00:43:31 Your family must be very proud.
00:43:33 I bet they gave you a party cake and everything.
00:43:36 - No, no, no, I can't have any cake.
00:43:38 I'm a diabetic.
00:43:39 But I did get a new set of pendulous balls grafted on.
00:43:42 See?
00:43:43 - Mm, did this get any more repulsive?
00:43:46 - Oh, sweet buns, firm yet squishy.
00:43:51 - Oh.
00:43:52 - I love 'em.
00:43:53 - I'll tease those Hot Wheels at 12 o'clock, Daddy.
00:43:57 I dig the new cycle, Murray.
00:44:02 But if I didn't know better, I'd say the design was a bit,
00:44:05 shall we say, kinky?
00:44:07 - Kinky?
00:44:09 Uh, no, it was, I mean, I meticulously calculated
00:44:13 the wind velocity and that was the most
00:44:14 aerodynamically sound--
00:44:16 - Time to change, Murray.
00:44:18 If somebody caught me wearing the same outfit
00:44:19 in two different adventures, I think it would simply
00:44:22 break my wittle heart.
00:44:24 - Oh, I understand how the heart can ache.
00:44:26 Sometimes the achy break.
00:44:28 - Wow, Murray, you're a riot.
00:44:33 Let me tell ya, count yourself lucky you don't have a heart.
00:44:36 You never have to feel the rush of hot blood
00:44:37 racing through your veins, pumping life into vital organs.
00:44:41 Throbbing, pulsating, swelling, pumping.
00:44:45 - Oh!
00:44:51 - You like that hot stuff?
00:44:52 - Yeah.
00:44:53 - I'll tell you when we need the big guns.
00:44:56 Murray, I think we've got company.
00:45:03 - Oh, there they are.
00:45:06 ♪ Zombie Nazi standing at a wall now ♪
00:45:10 - Love is a battlefield.
00:45:12 Ah, the wisdom of Benatar.
00:45:15 Witness the carnage, Otto.
00:45:17 Welcome to the hall of frozen X-Fives.
00:45:21 - [Crowd] Fives, fives, fives.
00:45:23 - 22 failed marriages.
00:45:27 Where did I go wrong?
00:45:30 Take Deirdre, we met in pre-med.
00:45:33 Oh, how I adored her.
00:45:35 - Oh, she was beneath you, sir.
00:45:37 And beneath every man on the Manchester United Football Club.
00:45:40 - Oh, and what would you know about it, monkey?
00:45:43 Anyway, she was boring.
00:45:45 Ah, my second marriage to Lilith
00:45:46 was a debaucherous downward spiral.
00:45:50 - Ah, Shirley, she was cute.
00:45:52 Couple of father issues now.
00:45:55 - Oh, Maria, philosophical differences.
00:45:58 - Impala, she wouldn't let me get too close to her.
00:46:01 - Sarah, she ran hot and cold.
00:46:03 Sex was mechanical.
00:46:05 - Too clingy, too bossy, slurped her soup.
00:46:08 - Oh, my dry cleaning.
00:46:09 - Nope, wrong.
00:46:10 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:46:12 Nose.
00:46:13 - Ball busters on parade, brother.
00:46:16 - 22 wives, Otto.
00:46:18 - All of them abysmal catastrophes.
00:46:20 - A total waste of time.
00:46:22 - Oh, but how I love the ladies.
00:46:25 - Nothing will stop me now.
00:46:27 Get me Velvet Von Blank.
00:46:29 - What was that?
00:46:32 - I'll tell you what it was if you ask me,
00:46:34 but quite honestly,
00:46:35 you've been quite difficult to talk to.
00:46:36 - Oh, shit.
00:46:37 If that was a rat.
00:46:40 Well then, there are only two things
00:46:42 in this world that I'm afraid of.
00:46:44 My Uncle Carl and a thong.
00:46:47 And rats.
00:46:47 - Well, I got bad news for you, son.
00:46:49 - And worse news.
00:46:50 - Uh, what's the bad news?
00:46:53 - Hey, Bisto, you wanna play my bad little pony?
00:46:55 Whoa.
00:46:56 - Uncle Carl!
00:46:58 Jesus, Mary and Seacrest.
00:47:00 What's the worst news?
00:47:02 - Hey, check this out.
00:47:03 (babbling)
00:47:08 - Oh, I'm moist.
00:47:13 - That's a new one.
00:47:14 People pay money to see that.
00:47:15 - I can't take it.
00:47:17 I'm not supposed to die like this.
00:47:18 I'm a celebrity, damn it.
00:47:20 - Wachowski, get ready for the wedgie of your life.
00:47:24 (grunting)
00:47:27 - Oh, attaboy!
00:47:31 (laughing)
00:47:46 - My pretty Miss X.
00:47:48 You thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't you?
00:47:52 - Yeah, well, I was kinda hoping.
00:47:54 You know, I did change my outfit and all.
00:47:56 Do you like it?
00:47:57 (whistling)
00:48:01 - Hey, now.
00:48:02 Whoa, I'm Papa.
00:48:06 Oh, sexy Mama.
00:48:11 - Silence, gross maggot!
00:48:14 Very clever, Miss X.
00:48:15 But you are not familiar with the Nazi curse, are you?
00:48:20 - Hmm, which one?
00:48:22 Let me see.
00:48:23 There's fuck Nazis, goddamn Nazis,
00:48:26 Nazi assholes, Nazi pricks,
00:48:28 Nazi douchebags, Nazi jerk-offs.
00:48:30 Yeah, you know, the list just goes on and on.
00:48:33 - Ha ha ha, that's so funny.
00:48:34 So funny, I forgot to laugh.
00:48:36 Now, my pretty, the Nazi curse proclaims
00:48:40 that the one who vanquishes the soul of the Fuhrer
00:48:43 will suffer the second coming of the Third Reich.
00:48:46 Arise, soldiers of the Third Reich!
00:48:50 (laughing)
00:48:52 Oh, and he's laughing now.
00:48:57 Well, I am, but it's all about context, you see.
00:48:59 (laughing)
00:49:01 - Correct me if I'm wrong here,
00:49:02 but wouldn't the second coming of the Third Reich
00:49:04 actually be the first coming of the Fourth Reich?
00:49:07 (whistling)
00:49:09 - What did you say?
00:49:10 - Since this is the new one after number three,
00:49:12 wouldn't this technically be number four, dipshit?
00:49:15 - That's right.
00:49:16 You go, girl, you know who you're talking about.
00:49:18 - Technically, she is correct.
00:49:21 - Wilhelm, would you do me a favor?
00:49:23 Yeah, shut up!
00:49:24 - Oh, forget it.
00:49:25 - For the third, wait, wait!
00:49:27 My brothers, no, no, no, do over, do over!
00:49:30 Arise, soldiers of either the Fourth or the Third Reich!
00:49:34 You know, depending upon how you choose to count it.
00:49:37 (laughing)
00:49:39 Who's your daddy now?
00:49:40 That's right, me!
00:49:41 Murray, prepare for ass-kicking 101!
00:49:44 - Let's get it done!
00:49:46 (gunshot)
00:49:48 - Oh, Dr. Satan, huh?
00:49:51 What the fuck?
00:49:52 You a doctor?
00:49:53 Like a PhD and shit?
00:49:54 - Ah, Velvet.
00:49:56 You are the most delightful and bewitching woman
00:49:58 I have ever met!
00:50:00 (coughing)
00:50:01 - That's 'cause you're a fucking lady, hmm?
00:50:03 - Hmm.
00:50:04 I don't want to seem too forward, Velvet,
00:50:07 but the truth is I've grown quite smitten with you.
00:50:10 - Oh, God.
00:50:11 (belching)
00:50:12 - Yeah, me too.
00:50:13 You got some nice digs, though, I ain't going front.
00:50:15 When Tonanisha and Raquana come through,
00:50:17 ooh, it's gonna be on!
00:50:18 That bitch is gonna be jealous!
00:50:20 - Velvet, I'm going to cut to the chase.
00:50:22 50% of everything you see here is yours,
00:50:25 if you will be my bride.
00:50:27 - Oh, Satan!
00:50:29 You the motherfucking man!
00:50:31 - And now, my dear.
00:50:32 And now...
00:50:37 Otto!
00:50:39 Where the fuck is the ring?
00:50:41 How fast do you think I can saw the finger off a corpse?
00:50:44 (tape rewinding)
00:50:47 So, this is awkward.
00:50:49 (laughing)
00:50:50 (buzzing)
00:50:52 (clearing throat)
00:50:54 (romantic music)
00:50:57 - Be my number 23.
00:51:03 - Damn!
00:51:06 Now that's what I'm talking about!
00:51:08 This shit's tight.
00:51:09 Hi, I'm down.
00:51:10 Let's tear this mother out.
00:51:12 - Oh, we are gonna have the best Polish wedding ever!
00:51:17 (laughing)
00:51:21 - You gotta understand, it's not an exercise program.
00:51:25 It's a lifestyle.
00:51:26 Look at me, I don't eat carbs.
00:51:28 I don't eat 'em after eight.
00:51:30 I just don't do it.
00:51:31 (groaning)
00:51:37 (dramatic music)
00:51:40 (roaring)
00:51:42 - Oh, you know where we are, don't you?
00:51:47 I'll tell you, we're doomed!
00:51:49 - Not so fast, my big bald friend.
00:51:52 I didn't come this far to go down
00:51:54 like a Filipino transvestite during fleet week.
00:51:57 (clattering)
00:51:59 (roaring)
00:52:01 Uh, music.
00:52:08 ♪ El super hero ♪
00:52:13 ♪ El super hero ♪
00:52:17 (speaking in foreign language)
00:52:32 - Whew, that was a lot of fun.
00:52:34 I haven't kicked ass like that in a long time.
00:52:36 Wait, I hear something.
00:52:38 Is that Boleslav Bodinski, the Polka King?
00:52:42 - Outrageous!
00:52:43 - Let's go.
00:52:44 - Oh sure, use a man's balls to beat the hell out of something
00:52:48 and then don't wait for him.
00:52:50 (guns firing)
00:52:51 - Ralph Bode, five o'clock!
00:52:52 (screaming)
00:52:54 - Oh, you know, when I woke up this morning,
00:52:57 I was in such a good mood.
00:53:00 - Mind if I borrow these for a moment?
00:53:02 (groaning)
00:53:02 Huh?
00:53:03 (grunting)
00:53:05 Time to take over, big boy.
00:53:06 - I'm going in.
00:53:08 - Going in?
00:53:09 Fucking awesome!
00:53:10 (grunting)
00:53:12 - Dammit, Otto, this is my special day
00:53:14 and those two are going to ruin it.
00:53:16 Now hold still.
00:53:18 I don't think you're taking this problem seriously.
00:53:21 - Not taking it seriously?
00:53:23 Whose idea was it for the giant cascading waterfall
00:53:26 of shrimp, hmm?
00:53:27 - You.
00:53:30 - And who was going to surprise you
00:53:33 with a life-size ice sculpture
00:53:35 of his supreme evilness, Dr. Satan, in all his glory?
00:53:40 - You didn't.
00:53:41 - I did.
00:53:41 - Well, that's fine and dandy,
00:53:47 but did you ever stop for one second
00:53:49 and think that if you weren't acting
00:53:50 like a giant fruitloaf parading around knee-deep in doilies,
00:53:54 then you would have noticed that there are two superheroes
00:53:56 about to throw a goddamn monkey wrench in my master plan!
00:54:00 - You stupid monkey!
00:54:03 - Fuck you and your shrimp boat.
00:54:05 I'm doing this my way.
00:54:07 - No!
00:54:09 I meant to do that.
00:54:10 - Mark my words, Steven.
00:54:12 They're all gonna laugh at you.
00:54:14 - Oh!
00:54:15 - Don't all try and crowd in on this one.
00:54:24 There'll be another shuttle along shortly.
00:54:26 - Hmm, perfect.
00:54:29 There's enough pigs in a blanket for everyone.
00:54:32 - Ow!
00:54:33 - Oh, so are you with the bride or the booze?
00:54:36 The groom?
00:54:36 - I'm with the groom, honeycakes.
00:54:38 - Slut.
00:54:39 - Please, Mildred, don't make a scene.
00:54:42 She seems nice.
00:54:43 - Hi-ya!
00:54:47 - So Latricia, I'm just saying,
00:54:51 he's a crazy, fugly sumbitch,
00:54:52 but I'm gonna get all that money,
00:54:54 you know what I'm saying?
00:54:55 Ha!
00:54:55 Ha, bitch, you understand that shit?
00:54:58 Ha!
00:54:59 - Darling, are you almost ready?
00:55:02 The guests are arriving.
00:55:03 - Oh, I know you ain't talking to me.
00:55:05 Do I look motherfucking ready?
00:55:07 Yo, you need to wage your ass outside.
00:55:09 Shit.
00:55:10 - No, I just thought that, that, that, that.
00:55:12 - Thought what?
00:55:13 - I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
00:55:15 - What?
00:55:16 - I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
00:55:17 - Yo, spit that motherfucking shit out of get out.
00:55:20 - Please, sweetie buns, your tone is distressing.
00:55:23 Special day.
00:55:26 - Shrimp boat.
00:55:27 I'll be ready when I'm goddamn ready.
00:55:30 Yo, is this the way you gonna be?
00:55:31 Acting like a fool and shit?
00:55:33 - Act a fool?
00:55:36 No, cupcake.
00:55:38 I'm gonna act like this.
00:55:43 (dramatic music)
00:55:46 - Is there something you'd like to say, Otto?
00:55:54 - I'll save my comments for later, sir.
00:55:57 And get this frozen bitch to the altar.
00:55:59 - Time to blend in and mingle.
00:56:08 - Holy mother jobs.
00:56:10 Look at those ass flaps.
00:56:13 - Hey there, hot pants.
00:56:15 It's getting new.
00:56:16 - Take a picture, it'll last longer.
00:56:18 - Whoa, hey, Susie.
00:56:21 Creepy, incest.
00:56:25 - Places, people, places, everyone.
00:56:28 The wedding is about to begin.
00:56:31 - All right, hotshot, why am I at a wedding?
00:56:35 Admit it, this was always about P-U-S-S-Y, huh?
00:56:40 Wasn't it?
00:56:41 - Well, no, no.
00:56:43 I mean, it was, it was.
00:56:44 (burps)
00:56:45 Then it wasn't.
00:56:46 It might be again, but.
00:56:48 (burps)
00:56:49 Listen, listen, listen.
00:56:50 Dr. St. Misty Wachowski.
00:56:53 And if he marries this broad, we're all toast.
00:56:56 - Steve Wachowski?
00:56:58 Why does that name make my panties cringe?
00:57:01 You know, I mean, if I wore panties.
00:57:02 - Does the phrase eat me?
00:57:04 I'm your love muffin, ring any bells?
00:57:07 - I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
00:57:09 This demented maniac must be stopped.
00:57:12 Uh, what do we do?
00:57:14 (thuds)
00:57:14 (screams)
00:57:17 (somber music)
00:57:22 (thuds)
00:57:24 (whistles)
00:57:26 - Hey baby, show me your tits.
00:57:27 Madam, please keep your meat pillows contained.
00:57:30 - You ain't the boss of me.
00:57:32 - Nice.
00:57:33 All right, they're out.
00:57:34 - Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
00:57:41 to join these two begotten souls in unholy matrimony.
00:57:45 - Some tears would be nice.
00:57:47 - Anyway, here we will marry Dr. Wachowski.
00:57:51 - I mean Satan, and his big--
00:57:54 - Uh, excuse me, bro.
00:57:55 Don't you think we should be out
00:57:57 kicking some satanic ass right now?
00:57:58 - I'm telling you, this plan is foolproof.
00:58:00 All I've gotta do is pull this rope
00:58:02 before they ever get to the I-Dubes.
00:58:04 Hey, come on, have I ever let you down before?
00:58:07 - Well, there was that one time
00:58:08 when you left me to fly solo
00:58:10 against the dreaded man-eating alligator men of Venus.
00:58:12 Ring a bell?
00:58:14 - Ow!
00:58:14 - I told you, I missed my flight.
00:58:17 They overbooked first class.
00:58:18 I refused to fly coach.
00:58:20 Come on, you know I can't have my public see me like that.
00:58:24 (crowd cheering)
00:58:25 Other than that, my record is clean as a whistle.
00:58:29 (whistling)
00:58:30 - If there is anyone among you
00:58:31 that believes this wedding should not take place,
00:58:34 speak now or forever hold your peace.
00:58:37 - Then there was the time you overslept
00:58:41 and missed the massacre of the vampire women.
00:58:43 Does that one ring a bell?
00:58:44 Ding dong!
00:58:45 - Clearly not my fault.
00:58:47 I set that clock to A-M.
00:58:49 - Do you Velvet Von Black take this well-read whore of a man
00:58:57 to be your frightening husband?
00:59:02 - Do I look stupid?
00:59:03 I mean, you know I do.
00:59:05 I love him.
00:59:06 - Dr. Satan, do you take Velvet Von Black
00:59:09 as your unlawfully wedded whore, I mean wife?
00:59:13 - I do!
00:59:14 - Wait, did you hear something?
00:59:17 - Pull it!
00:59:18 - I now pronounce you man and wife.
00:59:21 - Nicole!
00:59:22 ♪ This feeling's so familiar ♪
00:59:26 ♪ Like I've seen it once before ♪
00:59:30 ♪ Was it in a dream or another life ♪
00:59:34 ♪ I'm really not sure ♪
00:59:38 ♪ Wait, it's coming to me ♪
00:59:41 ♪ I think I got it ♪
00:59:43 ♪ Ooh, why'd you have to rip off Carrie ♪
00:59:48 ♪ Since the movie started ♪
00:59:53 ♪ This part is the most retarded ♪
00:59:57 ♪ Why, why'd you have to rip off Carrie ♪
01:00:02 ♪ With the sound effect and the split-screen thing ♪
01:00:08 ♪ Did you ask this woman, oh Stephen King ♪
01:00:12 ♪ If you could rip off Carrie ♪
01:00:16 - Oh yeah, nice play, Shakespeare.
01:00:19 - Yeah, not exactly what I had in mind.
01:00:23 - Okey dokey, artichokey.
01:00:26 Time to do this my way.
01:00:28 Ha!
01:00:29 (gunshots)
01:00:30 - Hmm?
01:00:30 Cowabunga!
01:00:31 (gunshot)
01:00:33 You're too late!
01:00:38 - Satan, boombayah, Satan, boombayah!
01:00:42 - Wake up, Beast-O!
01:00:43 You're Earth's only hope!
01:00:45 - Carmel's a chewy.
01:00:47 (laughing)
01:00:57 - Now my dream has come true.
01:00:59 Steve Wachowski, vice president of the chess club
01:01:02 and Suzy X, homecoming queen, together at last!
01:01:07 - Hey, loosen up man, you're crushing my titties!
01:01:10 (glass shattering)
01:01:13 - Oh no he didn't.
01:01:15 I'm gonna get you all!
01:01:17 (upbeat music)
01:01:21 (laughing)
01:01:24 - Hey!
01:01:31 - Hey!
01:01:34 (laughing)
01:01:37 (upbeat music)
01:01:40 - Holy mother of God!
01:02:01 - Santa Claus is dead.
01:02:08 Evil wins.
01:02:09 - Yeah!
01:02:10 - Is, stop that back there!
01:02:12 Is there anyone who can save us now?
01:02:15 (upbeat music)
01:02:18 - There they are, I see them.
01:02:26 - What?
01:02:27 Give me those!
01:02:28 Two time and play a wannabe pimp ass son of a bitch.
01:02:32 - Oh.
01:02:32 - I'm gonna beat his dumb red ass.
01:02:35 (upbeat music)
01:02:38 - This is nice, isn't it?
01:02:41 Just the two of us reminiscing about the good old days.
01:02:44 (yawning)
01:02:46 Oh, it's like we're back in the home room, all over again.
01:02:50 (laughing)
01:02:52 - Ew, hands off Dr. Perv.
01:02:53 - Say, here's a real blast from your past.
01:02:57 If you love blueberries, kiss my toes.
01:03:00 If you like applesauce, lick my nose.
01:03:03 If you've got an appetite for some sticky stuff
01:03:05 and I'm puffin', well then baby, eat me up.
01:03:10 I said, eat me up, I'm your real love muffin.
01:03:15 (gagging)
01:03:18 - Put the hoe down.
01:03:19 (upbeat music)
01:03:23 And then, back away from that steak ass hoe.
01:03:28 - What?
01:03:29 Who you calling a steak ass hoe?
01:03:31 - Well, it must be you, bitch.
01:03:33 You're the only steak ass broke down hoe I see.
01:03:37 - Excuse me, Dr. Satan.
01:03:40 Would you mind putting me down for a moment, please?
01:03:43 - Girl, I really don't think that that's--
01:03:45 (thudding)
01:03:46 (laughing)
01:03:47 Oh, sweet baby mother.
01:03:48 - I said, put me down.
01:03:50 - Yes, dear.
01:03:51 - Yo, what was that, bitch?
01:03:57 - Do I stutter?
01:03:58 - All right, get back.
01:04:00 ♪ Pull my hair up, pull your head ♪
01:04:01 ♪ And struggle to the pavement at the cat fight ♪
01:04:04 ♪ Cat fight ♪
01:04:06 - Is it wrong, is this turning me on?
01:04:09 ♪ Hey there mister, that's your sister ♪
01:04:10 ♪ Boners are a-poppin' at the cat fight ♪
01:04:13 ♪ Cat fight ♪
01:04:15 ♪ All the ones who poke you in the blunt ♪
01:04:16 ♪ You're going to choke you at the cat fight ♪
01:04:21 ♪ It's all right to jerk off to cartoons ♪
01:04:24 ♪ The Japanese do it every day ♪
01:04:28 ♪ So rub one out for the USA ♪
01:04:32 ♪ USA ♪
01:04:34 (laughing)
01:04:35 - Oh, you're gonna get it.
01:04:37 (upbeat music)
01:04:40 (screaming)
01:04:45 (grunting)
01:04:46 (scatting)
01:04:47 - Help me!
01:04:48 - Say my name, bitch.
01:04:49 ♪ Nose to snatch, nose to snatch ♪
01:04:50 - Good at shit, mamita.
01:04:51 (scatting)
01:04:58 - Take it to your pop poppin'.
01:05:00 - Show us her boobies.
01:05:02 ♪ 'Cause masturbation's good for your prostate ♪
01:05:06 ♪ It lowers blood pressure and it helps you sleep ♪
01:05:11 ♪ USA ♪
01:05:15 ♪ Watch where you're slipping now ♪
01:05:16 ♪ You better grab a weapon at the cat fight ♪
01:05:19 ♪ Cat fight ♪
01:05:22 (gasping)
01:05:24 ♪ Time to fucking take her, punch her ♪
01:05:25 ♪ In the baby maker at the cat fight ♪
01:05:30 ♪ Cat fight ♪
01:05:38 ♪ Cat fight ♪
01:05:38 ♪ Cat fight, cat fight, cat fight, cat fight, cat fight ♪
01:05:41 (groaning)
01:05:43 ♪ Cat fight ♪
01:05:48 - Who's the ho now, bitch?
01:05:49 - I'm the new Mrs. Satan by TKO in the first round.
01:05:54 - Who's the X?
01:05:55 - You gonna leave Elvivon black?
01:06:00 - Fuck you all.
01:06:01 I got a prenup.
01:06:02 (growling)
01:06:06 - No and void.
01:06:08 (laughing)
01:06:10 - Oh, doctor, you don't look so good.
01:06:15 I think you got a little something something
01:06:17 going on upstairs.
01:06:18 - What the hell?
01:06:20 - According to the handbook.
01:06:22 - Handbook?
01:06:23 Really?
01:06:24 Is that the best that you and by you,
01:06:26 I mean the writers could come up with?
01:06:28 - Hey, Shakespeare, the strike's over.
01:06:30 Now get back to work.
01:06:32 - All right, let's get this over with.
01:06:35 You had that book and you never said a thing?
01:06:38 You idiot.
01:06:39 (whimpering)
01:06:41 Give me that.
01:06:42 Doctor Satan will shrink back to normal size
01:06:44 if he squashes his unholy bride
01:06:46 with the heel of his cloven hand.
01:06:47 Under a crescent moon,
01:06:48 (whimpering)
01:06:49 as an albino Barry Manilow lookalike
01:06:51 warbles through Copacabana,
01:06:52 under a shower of rainbow sparkles,
01:06:54 whilst a disgustingly cute kitten
01:06:56 screams a Moroccan death chant.
01:06:58 - Great, now where are we gonna find a kitten like that?
01:07:00 - Hey, buddy, I don't wanna be rude,
01:07:02 but I was like staring at your crotch
01:07:05 and it seems like your package is purring.
01:07:08 - Hey-o!
01:07:09 - Ah, get me the fuck out of here!
01:07:13 (roaring)
01:07:15 - I stand corrected.
01:07:19 (whimpering)
01:07:21 - Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
01:07:23 - Ow!
01:07:23 - I got you, Susie!
01:07:25 - Thanks, my big metal man-boy machine.
01:07:27 - That's me, Murray.
01:07:28 Murray loves Susie.
01:07:30 - Oh, so I'm a little smaller, so what?
01:07:33 I know how this high school thing works.
01:07:35 I've got the homecoming queen
01:07:37 and now it's time to put the school bully in his place.
01:07:41 (growling)
01:07:43 - Medic!
01:07:44 - Are we done now?
01:07:46 - Yeah, I think so.
01:07:49 - Daylight!
01:07:50 (crying)
01:07:52 Oh, my blueberries!
01:07:55 - And now, a little smashing of the old fuckface.
01:07:59 (grunting)
01:08:03 Eat this, love muffin.
01:08:08 - Sir, might I suggest a bit of the old Brixton 9000?
01:08:13 - Yeah!
01:08:18 (screaming)
01:08:20 - Yikes.
01:08:21 (laughing)
01:08:24 - What the hell you looking at, bitch?
01:08:29 - Nada, my homie.
01:08:31 That's Spanish.
01:08:32 (laughing)
01:08:34 Okay, I think what we should do is--
01:08:38 Run!
01:08:39 Come on, get him!
01:08:42 Ride it like you stole it!
01:08:44 (crashing)
01:08:46 (groaning)
01:08:50 - Temporary setback.
01:08:53 Nothing a little ointment won't fix.
01:08:56 - Huh?
01:08:58 - Rope.
01:09:02 - Oh, sweet heaven.
01:09:04 (horn honking)
01:09:07 - Well, I did it again.
01:09:12 - Saving the world is like riding a bicycle.
01:09:15 - Oh, I know where this is going.
01:09:17 - You really never forget how it's done.
01:09:19 - Come on, Murray, let's go.
01:09:20 - Some say it's my superior strength.
01:09:23 Did you see how I--
01:09:26 Oh, well.
01:09:27 Ladies, anyone up for some hot wings?
01:09:31 (cheering)
01:09:34 - Welcome back to the Morris Green Show.
01:09:36 Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest,
01:09:38 oh, he's a big favorite of my wife, Dodie.
01:09:40 She just loves to see two men entwined
01:09:43 in a sweaty embrace.
01:09:44 She also loves it when it's in the wrestling ring.
01:09:46 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Super Beasto.
01:09:49 - Hey, hello, good to see ya.
01:09:52 Hello.
01:09:53 - Welcome, Steve.
01:09:54 - It's so great to have you here.
01:09:55 How do you do it?
01:09:56 - Well, look, I don't want to dwell on the fact
01:09:59 that I saved the planet again.
01:10:01 I mean, it's just what I do.
01:10:04 - But you do have a new rock and roll
01:10:06 compact disc, I understand.
01:10:08 - Oh, where did you get that?
01:10:11 - Well, your publicist sent it over.
01:10:13 - It's just a little project I put together
01:10:15 with a certain group known as
01:10:17 Loverboy.
01:10:19 (cheering)
01:10:22 (upbeat music)
01:10:36 ♪ Everyone's watching ♪
01:10:38 ♪ To see what you do ♪
01:10:41 - Hurry, you're missing it.
01:10:45 - Call your jets, Mr. Roboto.
01:10:47 I've seen it all before.
01:10:49 - I heard someone's been a naughty little mechanical boy
01:10:53 and needs some serious discipline.
01:10:56 - Oh my God.
01:10:57 - I see someone's in the mood for love.
01:11:03 - Function start, functioning.
01:11:06 - Now, let's try out those new special modifications.
01:11:10 - Yes, Mr. Susie, it's what we say.
01:11:13 (horn honking)
01:11:16 - Fasten your seatbelt, Murray.
01:11:18 It's gonna be a bumpy night.
01:11:20 Yeah, baby, woo!
01:11:23 - Oh boy, oh man.
01:11:26 - Yeah, baby.
01:11:27 - Baby faster.
01:11:28 ♪ Everyone's looking ♪
01:11:32 ♪ To see if it's true ♪
01:11:35 (grunting)
01:11:37 - Oh God, give me strength.
01:11:39 Why do you subject me to this meaningless drivel
01:11:44 night after night?
01:11:45 At least put on BBC One.
01:11:47 There's a riveting history of Lord Byron's teacup collection.
01:11:50 - Quit talking like a book monkey.
01:11:51 You ain't here to talk.
01:11:52 (squeaking)
01:11:55 (growling)
01:11:58 Put your filthy paws on me, you damn dirty ape.
01:12:03 (screaming)
01:12:04 - What the fuck?
01:12:06 Don't break a bitch.
01:12:07 ♪ Come on, let's go ♪
01:12:10 (horn honking)
01:12:15 - Hey, it's you again.
01:12:19 We gotta stop meeting like this.
01:12:21 Did you like the movie?
01:12:22 My part was pretty good.
01:12:23 I could've done without all the potty humor.
01:12:28 Instead of a punchline, they just flashed some titties.
01:12:34 Well, not that I'm complaining.
01:12:37 I haven't seen a set of whoppers like that
01:12:39 since Ava Gardner.
01:12:41 What a wreck.
01:12:42 Okie dokie, Smokey.
01:12:45 I guess that's it.
01:12:46 You really should go now.
01:12:48 Yeah.
01:12:48 No, no, no.
01:12:50 You should really go now.
01:12:52 Okay.
01:12:55 All right.
01:12:56 You asked for it.
01:12:57 - Howdy, folks.
01:13:01 My name's Betty Sue Lou,
01:13:03 and it's my great pleasure
01:13:04 to introduce tonight's special guests.
01:13:07 Straight from their two-night stand at the barn door,
01:13:10 it's the 7-Up Fruit 91 in Rugsville,
01:13:12 all-you-can-eat fish popper Mondies,
01:13:13 kids' love them whoppers.
01:13:15 Here they are, the one and only Banjo and Sullivan.
01:13:20 Yeehaw!
01:13:21 ♪ Pickered up in Jackson after the show ♪
01:13:24 ♪ Bucket full of wild oats I had to sow ♪
01:13:28 ♪ Motor City knew just where I should go ♪
01:13:32 ♪ Hundreds of women for all that man-joke ♪
01:13:37 ♪ Thousands picked up trucks in a gravel parking lot ♪
01:13:42 ♪ Looked at my road, he said, "Ready or not" ♪
01:13:46 ♪ Stacks on that Rodney, ready to run my race ♪
01:13:50 ♪ Looked around, there wasn't a woman in the place ♪
01:13:54 ♪ Big Sue, conch salad ♪
01:13:58 ♪ They sing about it, don't give a hoot ♪
01:14:02 ♪ Big Sue ♪
01:14:04 - Big Sue!
01:14:12 (glass shattering)
01:14:15 - All right, pops, I think it's about time
01:14:17 I end this fiasco of a picture show.
01:14:20 Say goodnight, Gracie.
01:14:21 (gun firing)
01:14:24 Come on, Mama, let's boogie.
01:14:27 - Oh dear, that's going to leave a mark.
01:14:29 (upbeat music)
01:14:32 (people chattering)
01:14:35 (upbeat music)
01:14:38 (people chattering)
01:14:41 (upbeat music)
01:14:43 (people chattering)
01:14:46 (upbeat music)
01:14:49 (people chattering)
01:14:52 (upbeat music)
01:14:54 (people chattering)
01:14:57 (upbeat music)
01:15:02 (people chattering)
01:15:17 (upbeat music)
01:15:19 (people chattering)
01:15:22 (upbeat music)
01:15:27 (people chattering)
01:15:30 (upbeat music)
01:15:35 (people chattering)
01:15:46 (upbeat music)
01:15:51 (people chattering)
01:15:54 (upbeat music)
01:16:12 (people chattering)
01:16:15 (upbeat music)
01:16:25 (people chattering)
01:16:28 (upbeat music)
01:16:31 (people chattering)
01:16:34 (upbeat music)
01:17:02 - Make room for Daddy.
01:17:04 Cowabunga!
01:17:05 Oh hello, officer.
01:17:08 Don't pull me over now.
01:17:09 Nice tools.
01:17:10 Where's your casino?
01:17:12 Take a look at this guy.
01:17:14 Those chaps should be illegal.
01:17:16 Hey, isn't this great?
01:17:18 A bunch of guys get together and dance
01:17:20 without being all gay.
01:17:21 Oh, hey, easy, pal.
01:17:23 I'm not being no fucking cowboy.
01:17:25 (upbeat music)
01:17:27 - Bitch.
01:17:28 Catch.
01:17:29 [BLANK_AUDIO]