GHOSTS UK Season 3 Episode 1 - video Dailymotion
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00:00 [MUSIC]
00:10 [HORSE NEIGHS]
00:32 Whether Elizabeth Spies knew about the letter is still a matter of much conjecture.
00:37 Hello. Where's she been hiding?
00:41 She's not dead, Julian.
00:43 Good ones never are.
00:44 It's just a question. They're making a documentary. History's greatest plots.
00:48 Apparently there was a coup planned here back in the day.
00:50 Hey, look, that wasn't a coup per se.
00:53 That was an informal discussion with some parliamentary colleagues about Maggie's leadership style, you know.
00:59 She's not talking about the 80s, mate. Look at her.
01:02 What plot she talk about?
01:04 I don't know. It's just what they told us. I thought you might know.
01:07 Really?
01:08 It's possible Elizabeth's forces simply happened upon the plotters.
01:12 [SCREAMS]
01:14 [LAUGHTER]
01:16 One for the bloopers.
01:18 [LAUGHTER]
01:20 It's possible Elizabeth's forces simply happened upon the plotters.
01:23 What?
01:24 Do you know, I don't think I've ever seen you laugh.
01:27 No.
01:28 Well, I asked the producer if they'd let him check the house and he just stared at me blankly.
01:33 That's the producer over there, Mike.
01:35 Oh, well then I'll ask some guy.
01:37 Do you mind? Some of us are trying to learn something here.
01:41 Regarded by many as a martyr, a mastermind, a hero, and perhaps the most important person ever to have walked these grounds.
01:49 Is it me? Sounds like me.
01:51 Which is why the history books echo with the name Sir Humphrey Bone.
01:56 Hmm. Heavens. I think she means...
02:02 Oh, it's falling off again.
02:10 Sir Humphrey Bone.
02:12 It's just such an incredible place. You can almost hear the history echo from the walls.
02:18 Yeah, it's almost like it's been shut up.
02:20 And there's a Stuart facade and the Dutch gable.
02:24 And those...
02:25 I.N.B. and B. in the gatehouse opens next spring. Two friends. We could probably do like a desert...
02:29 Yeah, we're really, really lucky to have found... well, been given this place.
02:33 Actually, we did wonder if you'd be up for talking about your family connection to the house on camera.
02:39 Who, me?
02:40 I... I... I... I... I've never been on camera.
02:44 Well, have a think about it.
02:46 Yeah.
02:47 She'll think about it.
02:49 You mad?
02:51 Context?
02:52 The interview.
02:53 We can't make the gatehouse a guest house. We need ghosts. Guests.
02:55 And this is free publicity, so...
02:57 No, forget it. I'm not going on telly.
02:59 Why? What are you so scared of?
03:01 Going on telly.
03:02 Oh, you'd be great.
03:03 Camera would love you.
03:04 Just tell your story, name drop the house, and...
03:06 Oh, you could wear a top with our logo on it.
03:08 We don't have a top with our logo on it.
03:10 We don't have a logo.
03:12 Uncle Obi. He'll do us a quick logo.
03:14 Oh, bad moon on the rise, dust covers town, birds fall, crop fail, something wicked this way come.
03:27 (Barking)
03:28 Bitches! Bitches!
03:30 Oh, they'll explain it.
03:31 Anybody home?
03:32 Ah, Annabelle!
03:35 Alice.
03:36 I was hoping I'd catch you.
03:38 Humphrey. Humphrey.
03:41 Humphrey. Humphrey.
03:44 Humphrey.
03:45 I'm just saying, personally speaking, I can't remember ever seeing you properly laugh.
03:50 No, it's absolute nonsense. I laugh all the time.
03:53 Why?
03:54 Only the other evening, Fanny and I were in stitches while recalling the satirical skewering of socio-political institutions in the Mikado.
04:00 Isn't that right, Fanny?
04:01 Hmm?
04:02 The Mikado.
04:03 Oh, hilarious skewering of socio-political institutions.
04:06 Hysterical.
04:07 Side-splitter.
04:08 Riotous.
04:09 Agreed.
04:10 That puts this matter to rest.
04:12 Carry on.
04:13 Humphrey.
04:14 Head.
04:15 Humphrey.
04:16 Humphrey.
04:17 Neither of you laugh!
04:18 Found it!
04:19 Him.
04:20 Him.
04:21 Sorry.
04:22 You didn't tell us you were famous.
04:24 Am I?
04:25 Ooh, that's nice.
04:26 Am I a painter?
04:27 She means the plot, mate. The Catholic plot.
04:29 Ah, that.
04:31 You always said your death was just a misunderstanding.
04:34 In a way, yeah.
04:35 Certainly wasn't, um, straightforward.
04:38 What, one shot?
04:39 Well, it sounds pretty straightforward to me.
04:41 But then I was brewing the lives, so...
04:43 All right, now, steady on, Mary. Steady, steady.
04:45 Well...
04:46 I mean more that the circumstances were...
04:49 ...complicated.
04:51 I could tell you about it if you like.
05:01 Well, if you wouldn't mind.
05:02 Yeah, I'll do anything for you.
05:03 What have you got all day?
05:04 Well...
05:08 Yum!
05:09 Oh, thank you.
05:13 Bon matin.
05:18 Did you sleep well?
05:19 Uh, Domia, uh, Bon?
05:22 I don't think it's quite drafty down your end of the...
05:25 Um, do you want a bit of brekkie?
05:27 Both! A bit of brekkie, Sophie!
05:29 Oh, la, la.
05:30 Just keep them up, mate.
05:31 Um...
05:33 I was just wondering if there might be something you might fancy doing.
05:38 Not with me, not with me.
05:41 No, um, I meant more for you.
05:43 Like a hobby.
05:45 I don't know if it's a dance report, Dom.
05:46 Something that might make you a bit more, um, joyeux?
05:49 Is it, uh, tapestry?
05:52 Maybe?
05:53 Or you could learn some English.
05:55 Or there's archery.
05:57 Or you could learn a bit of English.
06:01 Oh, it doesn't matter, actually.
06:03 Livre.
06:06 Me leave? I live here.
06:09 Livre.
06:10 Salon de lecture.
06:15 Oh, uh, like a reading group.
06:20 Yeah, great idea.
06:21 You could use the chart room up in my end if you wanted.
06:28 And maybe in winter you could learn a bit of English.
06:31 It is...
06:33 ugly language.
06:36 It is an ugly language, but yes, well done. Very good.
06:43 Humphrey?
06:47 Humphrey?
06:51 Humphrey?
06:53 Sorry.
06:54 He's not someone I've thought about in a very long time.
06:57 What about jogs? Do you like jogs?
06:59 I don't think we ever lent you a champagne bucket, 'cause, well, we don't own a champagne bucket.
07:05 Well, you do now.
07:06 Oh, a film crew. How surprising. I'm surprised.
07:11 Though, now I think of it, I do remember Jan from the shop mentioning something about a documentary, was it?
07:18 Oh.
07:19 Lucky I dropped by.
07:21 I do feel lucky.
07:22 I imagine they could use a little local knowledge, fill in the gaps in their research.
07:28 I'm not sure that you care what I say or know my name.
07:31 Hello there. Barkley Begcheck, with local landowner slash historian.
07:36 Yeah.
07:37 He hasn't changed, has he? Arrogant, sleazy and entirely self-serving.
07:42 Can you believe I used to associate with that type?
07:50 Hello, see that?
07:52 I spy Harry Heart Attack, those three bottle lunches finally catching up with him, eh?
07:58 Alison!
08:04 You have to get him out of here, right now!
08:07 What are you talking about?
08:08 Barkley is on the verge of a heart attack, trust me. I know the signs.
08:11 What if he can't sit right there and doesn't move on? We could be stuck with him forever.
08:16 I think you're getting a bit carried away.
08:18 That means you could be stuck with him too.
08:20 Every day.
08:22 For the rest of your life.
08:24 Oh, no.
08:26 Yeah, lovely strip of land at the end of the drive there once belonged to me.
08:30 No way.
08:34 OK, what about 4.30? Can you do it by 4.30?
08:36 It's not about the deadline. I'm just not doing black text on a white T-shirt.
08:41 I'm an artiste.
08:42 What?
08:43 Would you ask Michelangelo to touch up your skirting boards?
08:45 Depends on his prices. And if you could do it by 4.30?
08:48 Here's what I'll do. Custom vector logo.
08:50 Three-colour digi-print on a high-weave cotton blend.
08:54 Oh, sounds great.
08:55 Thanks, man. OU1.
08:56 And you'll credit me on air, right?
08:57 I mean, if they ask about the top.
08:59 Oh, they'll ask about the top. That's a fact.
09:04 And the priest says, "I know. That's why I painted it gold."
09:10 That is offensive to at least five different religions.
09:14 There are only three, innit?
09:15 Give over. It's just a harmless bit of fun. You haven't heard me jumbo jet joke yet.
09:20 There's a nun, a gorilla and a paedophile.
09:23 Do you mind? I'm burying my soul here.
09:25 You're making this very slow and painful.
09:28 Unlike his execution.
09:29 Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. Book club.
09:35 Bonjour. Good to see you. Bonjour again.
09:41 Ça va? Happy reading.
09:45 What book is it this week? Calivre?
09:49 Le printemps d'hiver, contenant plusieurs histoires discourses en cinq journées, en une noble compagnie au château du printemps.
09:55 Well, don't tell me how it ends.
09:58 Je voulais vous remercier pour m'avoir laissé faire ça.
10:07 Je me sens un peu mieux.
10:10 Moi, joyeuse.
10:14 Thank you.
10:17 You're welcome.
10:19 Well, don't just stand there. We have much to do.
10:29 We've received word from Queen Mary.
10:32 She approves of your plan, but only if we can act quickly.
10:36 There are spies everywhere. We cannot delay.
10:39 Then Monday it is. We get Elizabeth on her way to chapel.
10:43 By this time next week, the true queen will sit on the throne. Death to Queen Bess.
10:47 Death to Queen Bess.
10:49 What about him?
10:52 He knows nothing.
10:55 Famosly.
10:56 He is a good man.
11:06 The plan is to conceal our blades here.
11:09 Well, fancy that. Young filly there seems to think I might have some useful insights.
11:16 Her words, not mine. Well, mine, but she nodded.
11:19 Wants to get me on camera.
11:22 And you're not, like, nervous about...
11:25 What I mean by that is...
11:28 Tell the old guff to go and die on his own property. He's got enough of it.
11:32 Are you okay?
11:33 Me? Yes. Fit as a fiddle. In fact, I'm on a bit of a health kick.
11:38 After 20 years of no exercise whatsoever, I've just taken up squash.
11:44 Yeah, I'll do it.
11:45 Wanty squash.
11:46 So, we've got a few more shots to grab in the Rose Garden, and then we'll be back to do the interviews.
11:51 If you're both happy and...
11:53 Marvellous. I'll go and rehearse.
11:55 There's no need to prepare anything, really.
11:57 Best to keep it natural, conversational.
12:00 Of course, of course. Amateur.
12:03 You have got to get him out of here.
12:05 I meant to say, Zara, there's a stunning view of the house from just past that fence.
12:13 I thought it might make a nice background for Barclay's interview.
12:16 Okay, I'll take a look.
12:17 Yeah, yeah, just past the fence.
12:19 Outside. Outside the grounds.
12:21 Outside. Outside.
12:23 Did you say outside?
12:24 Yeah, I think she got it.
12:25 Barclay, make a check with the local historian.
12:31 Friend of the house.
12:33 Barclay Beg Chetwynd, Button House spokesman.
12:38 What's he doing here? Chetwynd?
12:42 Beg Chetwynd. He just appeared. Like posh Batman.
12:46 But he's in there, and he's our spokesman.
12:48 Yeah, well, he spoke to Zara, and they want to film a bit with him now.
12:51 What?
12:52 Yeah.
12:53 You've got to let him speak for us. You've got to do the interview.
12:54 Oh, pile on the pressure.
12:55 No, it's just, I know that you can do it.
12:57 You're the face of Button House, because you know what you've got?
13:00 Inner strength.
13:01 I was going to say a branded sweatshirt coming, but inner strength.
13:05 Okay.
13:06 Yeah? Love you.
13:07 Is it your oral skills?
13:10 Excuse me?
13:11 That worry you about the interview?
13:13 I just don't want to be on camera. It's public speaking.
13:16 I understand entirely.
13:18 I remember my first confabulation on Button FM.
13:21 Stuttering like a chicken-hearted clump.
13:25 But I found my voice, Alison.
13:28 And I can help you find your...
13:30 Okay?
13:33 Okay.
13:35 How dare you? I'll have you know I've got my entertainer's badge.
13:39 Just hadn't sewn it on yet.
13:42 The same with my sewing badge.
13:43 I'm simply saying that the reason you so rarely see us reduced to fits of hysteria
13:48 is because in present company we're seldom given cause.
13:51 All right, then. Why don't you make us all laugh? Show us how it's done.
13:55 I'll handle this, honey.
13:56 Right, now.
13:57 I just remember thinking, well, it must be a pretty good book,
13:59 'cause I've been in there for ages.
14:01 Farewell, au revoir, bon, see you all.
14:06 Take care.
14:08 Oh, someone forgot their...
14:21 Oh.
14:22 Oh, no.
14:33 The butler burnt the butter but the bacon bore the brunt.
14:37 The butler burnt the butter but the bacon bore the brunt.
14:39 The butler burnt the butter but the bacon bore the brunt.
14:41 The butler burnt the butter but the bacon...
14:43 Something amusing.
14:45 Sorry, it's just, it's hard to think of you in a sort of, well, teacher role.
14:49 Ah, I see. Because of the frisson.
14:52 The frisson?
14:53 The frisson. Between us.
14:55 I know it is difficult, Alison, but while you are under my tutelage,
14:58 you really must pretend there is no frisson.
15:00 Thomas, there is no frisson.
15:02 That's the spirit.
15:05 Now, then, your turn.
15:07 The butler, the butler burnt the but, the butler burnt the butter and the but...
15:11 Butler.
15:12 The butler burnt the butter but...
15:13 What's a butler?
15:14 But...
15:15 Big but.
15:16 Big but.
15:18 Welcome to the butthouse.
15:19 I know it feels strange, but it is shaking everything really.
15:24 I am a confident and beautiful young woman.
15:28 I am a confident woman.
15:30 And I deserve to be on top.
15:31 Welcome to the butthouse.
15:32 And we're not a seagull.
15:34 Remember, Thomas is terrific and I wish we were patrolled.
15:36 Thomas is terrific and I wish we were... No.
15:38 It's just an exercise for me.
15:40 Fine, we'll do something else.
15:42 And the quartermaster says,
15:44 "You may have paid the bill, but I'm still the pate familiars."
15:49 Because he'd had the pate.
15:53 The pate.
15:54 Do you see?
15:55 Very clever.
15:56 She didn't laugh.
15:58 You didn't laugh. Nobody laughed!
16:00 Yes, long fancy words don't make something funny.
16:04 I find I often laugh most at the simplest things.
16:07 Duly noted.
16:08 Like someone else laughing.
16:10 Oh, yes, laughter is contagious.
16:12 What?
16:13 Oh, no, no, no, not in a bad way, Kitty, no.
16:16 Just that laughter breeds more laughter.
16:18 Preposterous.
16:19 Boulder dash.
16:20 Boulder dash.
16:21 So?
16:46 About this top.
16:47 I haven't done it yet.
16:48 Impact-wise, we could wrap the text around the trunk and...
16:51 I don't care if you potato print it on a bin bag,
16:54 as long as it says Button House and it's here by 4.30, yeah?
16:56 All right, all right, I'm on it.
16:58 This sweater is my Sistine Chapel roof.
17:01 See you, then.
17:03 Is it? Good, cos I just Googled the roof and I wasn't blown away.
17:07 [laughter]
17:35 Anyway, where was I?
17:37 We're about to die.
17:38 Oh, yeah.
17:39 If you can call that dying.
17:41 What have you done?
17:55 Halt! Her Majesty's gone!
17:57 We have to go.
17:58 Go what?
17:59 You want to leave. We must go!
18:04 Her free!
18:05 Hold them off as long as I can.
18:08 This isn't a life you signed up for.
18:11 Go! Have another one!
18:13 Go!
18:15 Beheaded on the spot for high treason.
18:32 So heinous was his crime.
18:34 Mary's order's still in his hand.
18:36 Sir Humphrey Bone.
18:39 Mastermind of the Bone Plot.
18:41 And martyr to it.
18:43 At least, that's him.
18:51 For valiance.
18:55 Yes, quite right.
18:56 You all said that, ma'am.
18:57 Fair dues. I say fair dues.
18:59 It's a horrible way to go.
19:01 Easy for you to say, innit?
19:02 Barely even feels an arrow.
19:04 You what?
19:05 We should tell Alison what we've learned.
19:08 Yes.
19:09 And she can tell the television people.
19:11 This isn't a life you signed up for.
19:20 Go!
19:21 Her Majesty, open this door!
19:30 Hold her!
19:31 All of you, on my tail!
19:39 Keep going!
19:46 Hold!
19:47 Yes! Yes!
20:00 You son of a...
20:03 Go! Go! Go! Go!
20:07 Her Majesty's guards!
20:14 Show yourself!
20:15 No sign of him, sir.
20:33 Why, there's always bad news with you.
20:36 It's not always.
20:37 Never, oh, I found him. He's through here.
20:38 I found that priest hole once.
20:40 There's no priest in it. That's just a hole.
20:43 (Rustling)
20:45 God, I love this house.
21:04 (Glass shattering)
21:05 Whoopsie daisy.
21:15 I might say I did that. I would.
21:21 See, this is why I went out sorting the house.
21:29 Yeah, well, you've got kids, haven't you?
21:31 You've got kids, haven't you?
21:32 Bad day.
21:46 (Screaming)
21:47 Hey, well, I think we're almost ready to do the interviews. If you...
21:51 Yeah, about that. I don't know what Mr Ded Cheggwin told you,
21:54 but he's not actually anything to do with Byne House.
21:56 He's just a sort of mean local weirdo, but actually, that's not fair.
22:00 No, that is fair.
22:01 So, yeah, we'd rather he wasn't associated with the house,
22:04 'cause, to be honest, I'm worried about how he comes across on TV.
22:07 OK, it's just that I got the impression your wife wasn't all that keen to do an interview, so...
22:11 I'm kidding. She's got weight. I'm telling you. She's a natural.
22:15 (Groans)
22:17 So, the house is, um...
22:19 Um...
22:20 Like, my connection, um...
22:22 Um...
22:23 To the family, um...
22:24 Um, um, um, you see, if we can just...
22:27 You ready? You're up next.
22:28 What, now?
22:29 We need more time, damn you!
22:30 I'm not ready. Can't Barkley go first?
22:32 No, he's been canned.
22:33 Apparently, an anonymous source told them what he's like, and they were like...
22:36 Mike.
22:37 What? He's bad PR, and you're not it?
22:39 (Sighs) How does he take it?
22:41 Um...
22:42 Um... They're all at it.
22:43 Give me five minutes, and I'll let you know. Wish me luck.
22:46 No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll do it.
22:48 We need to be gentle with him, and then we need to get him out of here, real quick.
22:52 Hubby.
22:55 Oh, we're finished here, are we?
22:58 I see!
23:00 It's a masterpiece!
23:02 Yeah, yeah, give it to me.
23:03 Why are you wearing it?
23:06 'Cause it looks sick!
23:07 Right, uh, we're ready for Alison, just up by the fence there.
23:10 Fence? What fence?
23:11 Just up by the...
23:12 She thought the view was quite good.
23:15 No, no, no, I mean, there's much better spots nearer to the house, like, uh, by the sign.
23:19 So you can see the house. By the sign.
23:21 It's just, we're all set up over there now.
23:24 But, but, but maybe we'll come and grab something here a bit later.
23:28 I'm thrilled to fill in a tiny part of its rich and varied history.
23:35 Yes, that'll do it. Right, once more, get it in the old memory.
23:40 Oh, God, is he still here?
23:42 Hello there.
23:43 What? Me?
23:44 May I just say what an honour it is to be joining you here in this wonderful house.
23:49 Ah, God, no.
23:51 I'm thrilled to fill in a tiny part of its rich and varied history.
23:56 It's happened.
23:58 Alison!
24:00 Ah, perfect.
24:02 Ah, knock, knock. Hi, how are you?
24:04 How are you?
24:05 Yes, fine, raring to go.
24:08 Ah, right.
24:10 It's just...
24:12 Do you want to sit down?
24:14 No, no.
24:15 Really? Okay.
24:16 The thing is, um, talking again to the documentary guys,
24:21 it seems now they want to focus more on people who actually lived, live in the house.
24:28 Oh, dear.
24:31 So I wore a new shirt for nothing.
24:34 Been ballet baking in it all day.
24:36 And talk about itchy.
24:38 Well, that explains it.
24:44 Yes, it does.
24:45 Ah, that's much better.
24:47 Yeah.
24:48 Breathe, but don't gasp and don't gavel, no ums and ahs.
25:01 If you need to pause, pause, but don't show you're pausing.
25:05 Look, I know that you mean well, but it's me they want to talk to,
25:09 not some dropout from the Thomas Thorne finishing school.
25:11 So will you please just stop talking and accept that you're a better poet than you are a teacher,
25:15 and that is really saying something.
25:17 Confident, eloquent, composed.
25:25 My work here is done.
25:27 Damn your eyes.
25:29 You're welcome.
25:30 It was inherited through my dad's side, but he died when I was young,
25:37 and my mum passed away more recently.
25:39 So with no living relatives, the house has become a kind of link to my ancestors through the ages.
25:45 It's like having family all around me.
25:47 And can you give us any more information about the house?
25:50 Now, could you smile?
25:51 But with your voice.
25:53 Say, "Button House."
25:54 Alastair!
25:55 Every bit as fascinating as your journey to get your own advice,
25:58 the EU and the United States tell that it's all standard.
26:02 Oh, the top ten.
26:03 Alastair!
26:04 Alastair!
26:05 Is he failing?
26:06 I think you're doing very well.
26:08 Try not to hesitate.
26:09 I warned you.
26:10 Alison!
26:11 Alison?
26:14 Uh...
26:15 Uh...
26:18 Literally a phone call saying, "You now own this house."
26:21 It was inherited through my dad's side, but he died when I was young,
26:24 and my mum passed away more recently.
26:26 So with no living relatives, the house has become a kind of link to my ancestors through the ages.
26:30 Can't see the logo.
26:31 Who's the thing?
26:32 Who's the thing?
26:33 It's like having family all around me.
26:36 Oh, that's fantastic.
26:37 I think this is where I...
26:40 Well, the brick frontage is...
26:43 It was a brick front that was added to what is...
26:46 It was a Tudor house.
26:47 What does that say?
26:49 What is a butthole?
26:50 Are you the butthole?
26:52 It was brick. It had a brick facade.
26:54 Oh, my.
26:55 Oh, B.
26:56 Which is now what we now see now.
26:59 On Button House.
27:00 Well, thanks, everyone.
27:03 But there's much more to this place than just structural issues.
27:07 Oh, B.
27:09 For one thing, it's haunted.
27:11 And I'm turning it off.
27:13 Oh, hang on a sec. I think this is my cameo.
27:17 Ooh.
27:18 Watch the vase.
27:20 Wait for it.
27:22 Hurray!
27:24 Wow.
27:25 Wow.
27:26 That's very good.
27:27 I get nervous sometimes.
27:29 Can I have your autograph?
27:30 Oh, we got it then.
27:31 But one thing's for certain.
27:33 When it came to the Catholic cause,
27:35 Sir Humphrey Bone was a man prepared to stick his neck out.
27:40 Very good.
27:46 No. Seriously?