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00:00 There does not seem to be enough good available men to go around. Again, if that's true,
00:09 then the antithesis is true. If there is not enough good black men, that means there are
00:16 too many good women for you to marry a dumb one. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Dr.
00:22 R.A. Vernon TV. Happy New Year is 2024 and I'm on tour. See that Denzel? We dropped in bars
00:29 already. I'm so hyped as most of you, many of you may have heard we're doing a singles tour this
00:36 year. The One Night Stand, matter of fact, go to One Night Stand Tour. OneNightStandTour.com is
00:43 right there on the screen. If you're single or married, I'm coming to a city near you. By the
00:48 time you're watching this, it may have already kicked off. It will kick off in Birmingham,
00:53 Alabama. From there, we're going to Houston, Texas with Pastor Keaton Henderson. We're starting in
00:59 Birmingham, Alabama with my spiritual son, Pastor Mike McClure, PMJ, killing the game musically and
01:06 pastorally. We're going to Pastor Keaton Henderson, my other spiritual son, Dr. Darius Daniels.
01:12 We're headed to Atlanta and his Jersey campus with the tour, Travis Green. Most of you know
01:17 he can sing, but he's doing a major pastoral thing. I'm dropping bars. It's on, man. What's
01:23 going on? Pastor Travis Green, Brian Bullock in the Charlotte area. I mean, I can go on and on.
01:29 First Church of Glenn Arden. You know, that's like the eighth wonder of the world and the DMV.
01:33 The tour is coming to a city near you. So, go to OneNightStandTour.com. If you're a senior pastor,
01:42 which means you kind of make the decisions, go to our website and let us know you want us to come.
01:48 We'll talk about how to make it happen. Why are you doing it? Why are you doing it? Well, come on.
01:52 Don't play games. I have a wife and children and I have a new book out that I'm just hyped about
01:58 called The Ten Rules of Dating. Dr. Ari Vernon's Ten Rules of Dating. The rules have changed.
02:05 The rules have changed. I wrote the same book for the third time. Why? Because I'm seeing a need
02:11 that I have to address. It is my call. Look at me. If you're watching me tonight, this morning,
02:17 wherever you're watching me from, it is critical that you hear me. This is what I do. I'm sorry.
02:23 I'm in my 50s and I've said before that one should be absent of ambiguity at a certain age regarding
02:31 your calling. Leadership in relationships is what I do. I have a heart for single people,
02:36 though I'm very married and I'm just tired of seeing marriages fail. And the Lord said to me,
02:44 as opposed to spending so much time with marital counseling, why don't you do some
02:49 premarital teaching? Why don't you talk to singles? And yes, let's try to help couples
02:53 who jump too fast, didn't have this kind of teaching. Let's help them recover. But I think
02:59 my primary call this second half is to talk to individuals, watch this, from 18 to 80 who are
03:06 single. And I want to make sure that you understand what that means. I raised the question, I did,
03:11 in terms of thematic thrust tonight. Whenever you're watching this, how many happily married
03:17 people do you know? Let me ask that question again. How many happily married people do you know?
03:26 Let's start with your own family. And when I say happily married, by the way, I'm talking about
03:30 in love, making love, kicking it, talking. I'm not saying they don't have any issues. Everybody
03:37 has some things they go through. And here's something else I'm tired of hearing that I
03:41 want to debunk. Marriage, you'll love this. Doesn't it sound spiritual? Marriage is not
03:47 supposed to make you happy. It's supposed to make you holy. Really? Sound like slavery to me.
03:52 I mean, no, I disagree. I disagree. 26 years married, I'm happy. And I want to be happy.
04:03 That's not to say we won't have our ups and downs, that life can't happen, that children
04:08 don't break your heart, that you don't have disagreements, home of origin issues. But I'm
04:12 telling you, look at somebody who's absolutely thrilled to be married. It is better to be alone
04:20 than married wrong. I want to jump into some scriptures tonight. But I laid in the bed with
04:25 my wife, hear me, for I think 10 hours yesterday. It's almost shameful. The day before yesterday,
04:32 we were coming off New Year's Eve service and we just decided we're just going to stay in the bed.
04:36 Y'all ready for this? And didn't even get physical, just kicking it, just laughing,
04:41 went to the restaurant. She went and got some food, brought it back, put it on a tray. We ate
04:46 in the bed, drank in the bed, no TV on, just talking, laughing. We looked up. I said, "Girl,
04:51 my behind is starting to hurt." That's how long we had laid here. And so I want to say to you that
04:56 are single, that it's better to be alone again than married wrong. Okay, so there are people
05:05 who would disagree with me and they'll say, "You know, that's just fallacy. Marriage is not about
05:10 being happy. You're going to go through your ups and downs. You got to want it. Marriage is going
05:14 to take everything that you have." Again, I say, "It sounds like slavery to me. It doesn't sound
05:19 like the will of God." Let's put some Bible on this. I was reading this the other day and I
05:24 thought about it. Proverbs 5, verses 17 through 20 from the message version says this, "Enjoy the
05:29 wife you married as a young man, lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose. Don't ever quit taking
05:37 the light in her body. Never take her love for granted. Why would you trade enduring intimacies
05:45 for cheap thrills with a prostitute?" One version says, "With a whore." That's what the Bible calls
05:51 this other side chick, by the way, who knows that you're married or this side bruh calls them
05:57 whores. That's what the Bible calls them. Yeah, so no, 26 years in and I told her, "Now, there are
06:03 some practical things we'll talk about in terms of enjoying her. A wife needs to keep her body
06:10 together as much as possible, no matter how old she get. If you still got a man in the house,
06:17 then you should always attempt to look as good as you can because even when that bruh's 75,
06:22 he thinking about it. Maybe he can't do with it what he used to do with it, but he's still looking
06:27 and trying to listen. I've taught this before." And the converse is true. Don't take her for
06:35 granted. Don't take her for granted. I think the secret to my marriage is that I honestly always
06:42 feel like I got to stay on my game. I do. I just changed colognes, young Denzel. Nah, I've been
06:47 married 26 years and it dawned on me I smell the same way because I'm from the old school,
06:52 Fahrenheit, obsession, Lagerfeld. Look at Denzel field. They still don't know what that is.
06:56 But old school, 80s colognes. Told my guy, he'll tell you, I said, "Go get me three
07:01 different colognes, three different body lotions." It's like, she's still a woman. And just like I
07:08 can still see a beautiful girl and notice it. Bruh smell nice, look nice. So that's a whole
07:14 another podcast, whole another time together. There's a greater point I'm making and that's
07:20 this. I take marriage serious. I said this in a previous podcast, Bible cast, "What civil rights
07:27 was to Dr. King, family is to me." Let me say that one more time. "What civil rights was to Dr. King,
07:35 family is to me." So, you know, there's a very seriousness about my commitment to family. So
07:43 I don't really care at all what people think. It's my calling. It's my calling. And somebody
07:51 has to be passionate about traditional biblical family. And that is a man and a woman and their
07:59 children. That's family. That's one kind of family. Certainly there are times you don't
08:03 have children, things of that nature, but it's real to me. And I heard somebody say this.
08:07 They said, "You don't want no biblical family, Dr. Vernon. Don't say that. You don't want biblical
08:12 family." Because biblical family was this, a man purchased a woman from the father. And if he
08:22 didn't like her anymore, he could get rid of her. If she wasn't a virgin and he found out, he could
08:28 take her to the middle of the city and stone her in front of everyone because the woman had no
08:33 value. I 100% agree. I have the same Bible you have, except for there's something I understand,
08:39 the trajectory of scripture. The trajectory of scripture is this. The further you go along in
08:45 the New Testament, marriage does have value. 1 Peter 3, verse 7 says, "In the same way, you
08:52 husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.
09:00 She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat
09:08 her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered." It was the same gender loving sister
09:15 who happens to be a pastor, same gender loving sister who also happens to be a pastor. And her
09:21 argument was, "Stop saying you want a Bible marriage because in a Bible marriage, women had
09:27 no value. Again, you just bought your wife. You could get rid of her. Stop saying you want a
09:33 Bible marriage." Well, here's a better reference. "Stop saying you want an Old Testament marriage,
09:37 but I do want a New Covenant marriage." Yeah, see, that's why you have to know the Bible for
09:42 yourself because sometime when people have more degree than you, you think they're smarter than
09:46 you. No, the Bible is the Bible. No, when you move to the New Testament, the trajectory of
09:53 scripture changes. 1 Peter 3, verse 7 calls my wife, "My equal partner." I'm not above her because
09:59 I have genitalia, male genitalia. No, my wife is my equal partner. Yeah, and I am her equal partner.
10:07 And the Bible says she has so much value. Peep this because believe it or not, believe it or not,
10:11 I come to talk to single people. But if you're married, I want everybody to get something out
10:15 of this. She has so much value that God says, "Treat her like she ain't nothing. I'm not even
10:23 answering your prayers." Now, you don't think you should be clear. Why am I taking this tour
10:29 all across the country? Because who I marry could mess up God talking to me. Yeah, this
10:37 girl that got on my nerves so bad, I'm so frustrated with her lack of everything that I
10:42 can't stand her because she ain't provide nothing for me. We don't click. We don't talk. We hardly
10:47 make love. So now, you know, I'm in my feelings. And so I don't even want to be around her. Don't
10:53 want to talk to her. And then God says, "Now, if you don't treat her right, I'm not even answering
10:59 your prayers." Get your head around that, that who I'm married to dictates God listening to me
11:06 and you think I don't take that seriously? Oh, no, no, no, no. We got to flow.
11:11 When your heart is broke, your head don't work.
11:15 Singles, I said what I said and I have a lot more to say.
11:20 Second biggest choice you will make in your life is who you say I do to.
11:26 Don't hook up with no sister that you don't want to touch,
11:32 lick, smell. Don't marry her if you're not feeling that way at the beginning.
11:37 Other than good sex, how could you help me? You better want to sleep with your broke behind.
11:41 You got to get you a home, my brother. You got to work on yourself. You're in a season of singleness.
11:46 Don't miss the One Night Stand Singles Tour. Come into a city near you. Whether you are single and
11:52 seeking, single and satisfied, or even single and sinning, this is the tour you cannot miss.
12:00 And the truth is this. Most of the teaching I've heard in secular spaces about being single was
12:06 just not righteous enough. Most of the teaching I've heard in sacred spaces was just not real
12:12 enough. During this tour, we're conflating the two. It is my opinion that the greatest choice
12:18 you will make in your life, with the exception of choosing Christ, is who you say I do to.
12:24 It's a long, laborious existence to be laying next to somebody for life that you can't stand.
12:31 It's better to be alone than married wrong. Tell every single you know, don't miss the One Night
12:39 Stand coming to a city near you. Remember, it's the One Night Stand, because when you wake up in
12:44 the morning, I'll be gone. I'll give you one more, and then I want to get to something else,
13:01 and that's this. Hebrews 13, verse 4 says, "Give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one
13:08 another in marriage." That's to all of you that's watching Instagram every day, and to young people,
13:14 please let your child watch this, your single friend, because the minimization, the minimization
13:20 of marriage is driving me berserk. Oh, you know, it ain't about marriage no more. It's like whatever
13:25 you feel, no, give honor to marriage. That's what the Bible says. The Bible says, "Give honor to
13:30 marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage." Faithful, yeah, yeah. "Until death do
13:37 us part." I'm with Victory Rose Vernon. Yeah, so all that's easier said than done, Dr. Vernon,
13:45 because you happen to marry somebody that you like, and she like you. Yeah, I'm saying it out
13:51 loud. I hit the marriage lottery. Yeah, I picked the right girl. I got two single guys here
13:56 on the cameras, and I'm pushing into their spirits. I'm saying it out loud. Let's get
14:02 this party started. As a single, particularly black man, it's almost ignorant to marry a bad
14:10 woman. It's just too many good ones. Let me say it out loud. I'm coming. I'm coming to a city near
14:17 you. Please, theonenightstandtour.com. You can see. I'm going to go even further, because I
14:25 won't have time tonight to do everything I want to do with this. There is such a plethora of saved,
14:35 look at me, sexy, smart sisters, just in the word nation, that for you to get a dumb one who's lazy
14:44 is crazy. Yeah. Conversely, now, conversely, there is a shortage of available, saved, black,
14:56 good men with Jesus and a job. Now, when I get to your city, I'm going to unpack this more,
15:03 because I can't get into all of it tonight, but I've done my research. I know what I'm talking
15:07 about. I need you to sit up and listen. So, therefore, there becomes a kind of conundrum.
15:12 You got all these sexy, safe, spiritual black women. And if you're another color,
15:17 another ethnicity, I honor that. But my primary audience is black people. And so if you're
15:21 watching me, I'm talking here in terms of the black ethos. There are a whole lot of sexy,
15:29 saved, spiritual, good women, some with children, some with no children, some in their 40s, some
15:36 whatever, divorce, made some mistakes, but they're good women. They're good women.
15:41 Conversely, there are not a whole lot of saved black men. I mess with these two every day. I
15:47 said, man, do you realize you guys can pretty much have anybody you want? Yeah. For the most part,
15:54 if you got Jesus and a job and you're a good brother, good smelling brother,
15:58 willing to take care of business, they're lined up. Don't marry a bad one. Don't, don't marry a
16:04 bad one. That said, let's talk about this. And that's the idea of I'm trying to get people to be
16:11 happily married and not half married. Watch this. If you're going to get married,
16:18 hence, you got to date first. This becomes another conundrum because what does your Bible say
16:27 about dating? Look at me. Absolutely nothing. Somebody said, Dr. Vernon, come on. I heard Henry,
16:35 Dr. Clark say something to bless my life. It sounds arrogant unless you're a thinking person.
16:41 He was getting ready to debate a young gentleman and they said, let the debate start. And he opened
16:46 up by saying, I've been doing this all of my adult life. I only debate with my equals.
16:55 All others I teach. Let me say that again. He said, I only debate with my equals. All others
17:02 I teach. I'm in my fifties. I've been doing this all of my adult life. I've walked with more people,
17:13 pastors that you watch on YouTube. I've walked with them. I've walked in council with hundreds
17:19 and hundreds and hundreds of persons regarding marriage, relationship, dating. Please hear me
17:26 in humility, but honesty, this is what I do. There is nothing in the scripture that tells you
17:34 how to date. Under the old covenant, marriages were arranged. So you need people like me
17:43 that God has given revelation to and experience, not just me, your pastor, whoever you trust,
17:48 but you need to catch this because the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7 verses one through four.
17:54 Now, regarding the question you asked me in your letter, yes, it is good to abstain from all sexual
18:00 relations, but because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife.
18:07 Watch this. And each woman should have her own husband. Now, how are you going to do that
18:16 in the black ethos with a shortage of black men? Look what Paul says in this Jewish context,
18:24 primarily each woman, because there's more of an equality of balance, easier now to get a husband,
18:30 to get a wife. There's sort of an equality of balance in terms of numbers and availability.
18:35 You don't have, look at me, a criminal justice system more interested in cupidity than integrity,
18:44 cupidity, unrighteous greed, which means of our own prisons, I need some, what prisoners.
18:51 So it was in their best interest to lock a brother up three strikes and you're out 10,
18:57 20, 30 years for some weed in the car, anything they can do to keep you locked up. So if half the
19:03 brothers or some of the brothers don't want to embellish here are locked up too many of them.
19:09 And then a bunch of them now, same gender attracted, come here. Who in the world? I'm
19:17 going to herald this. I don't care. It's my calling. Whatever civil rights was to Dr. King,
19:24 family is to me. The Lord said, be careful when you say that because he ended up giving his life
19:29 for civil rights. I said, well, Lord, have your way. I believe like Dr. King, I want to live a
19:34 long time, but I refuse. Hear me. If you're going to watch me to capitulate on what traditional
19:40 biblical family is, it is a man and a woman. And if they choose to have their children,
19:48 but how do you reconcile this text in the 21st century? Because Paul said, let every
19:57 woman have her own husband. Let every husband have his own wife. There are many of you women
20:04 watching. Please type in the comments. How many of you tonight, if you met the right man,
20:09 all right, honors God, attractive enough to you, would love to be married. I want you to start
20:16 typing in the comments right now. Type in the comments, me, me, Dr. Vernon, me, Dr. Vernon, me
20:21 type. Most women I know, particularly twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, some sixties. I got
20:27 women that my church walking up to me in their sixties saying, I want to love again. I said in
20:32 their sixties, I want to love again. Now, surely if women in their sixties, all right, with
20:38 grandchildren are said, I want to love again. There's a real good chance the sisters, 20 and
20:44 30 and 40. Come on now. That's reality. Who's going to talk about, who's going to talk about
20:50 the reality. This is what this tour is about. That there does not seem to be enough good available
20:59 men to go around. Again, if that's true, then the antithesis is true. If there is not enough good
21:07 black men, that means there are too many good women for you to marry a dumb one for you to
21:14 marry one. Watch this. Give this to your son. Give this to whoever, you know, any brother who's
21:19 single. I can't wait. Matter of fact, when I come to your city, I really want to spend some time
21:23 with single men by themselves, particularly single black men, because I just want to pour,
21:29 I want to grab them and say, would nobody screaming? You are the lottery ticket. You are
21:34 more valuable than Bentley's. You are more valuable than Rolex watches, a black man with
21:41 Jesus and a job. Please give this to your son, a black man with Jesus and a job can have the
21:49 finest woman who loves Jesus is a mentally stable, prepared to be a mother to his children,
22:00 prepared to make love to him, love him. Don't pick a bad one. Okay. So I want to, I want to
22:08 conclude here because one of the things in my new book, and I will show you the cover, Dr. Ari
22:13 Verdon's 10 rules of dating. The rules have changed. It's dropping as quick as going to be
22:18 every place you buy books, Amazon. It's just every place I know this is going to be crazy.
22:24 And I'm going to pick this up next time we talk because I can't get into everything tonight,
22:28 but here's rule number one of my new book. No, you're a non negotiables. No, you're a non
22:38 negotiables. Now there are three kinds of singles. And we'll talk about this in each city. I come to,
22:43 I haven't changed this part. There are three kinds of singles. And if you're watching me,
22:46 you know who you are. All right. They're single and satisfied. That's what the apostle Paul is.
22:52 Okay. I don't need a woman. I don't need a man. I love Jesus. I'm cooling the gang. I'm satisfied.
22:59 That's one kind of single, but then there is what single and sinning. Yeah. You just doing what you
23:06 do. You have more sex than married people. You doing what you do. All right. Maybe there's no
23:11 regard for God. Maybe you're just weak in that area. It is what it is. But then there's a third
23:16 category. And that is the one that I'm coming to talk to primarily across the nation, single and
23:23 seeking, which means you wouldn't mind being married. So if you're going to do that, the first
23:30 thing I need you to know is what are your non negotiables? What are your absolute things? You
23:38 will not negotiate no matter what. So what do I mean by no, you're a non negotiables. Really?
23:44 It's about being self-aware. Really? It's about knowing yourself enough to know. I got to put up
23:50 with something. There's nobody perfect, but here's some things I just can't deal with. Or here's some
23:54 things I just have to have. I can't negotiate it. Whatever else marriage is 26 years. It is at least
24:01 an ongoing negotiation to those of you who are married. It is at least you have to negotiate.
24:06 You got to negotiate how you're going to handle her mama, your mama, the kids that she has kids
24:10 money. You got to negotiate. But hear me. What are those things? People are divorced right now.
24:16 People are laying in a bed with somebody. They can't stand because they didn't know
24:21 their non negotiables until it was too late. They didn't know this is the one thing that's
24:26 going to keep me upset or keep me watch this, not lusting after you. Because maybe I was caught up
24:32 and he realized I like a girl with a big and you don't have one. And I didn't realize that should
24:36 have been one of my non negotiables. I need that. I missed that. I didn't realize that I'm more
24:41 selfish than I thought. And I actually don't want to help raise somebody else's child. I'm not a bad
24:47 person. Maybe I'm just more selfish than I thought. And I want all my kids to have my last name in my
24:52 blood. I didn't know that yet. And now here we are. And I'm fighting with your children and the
24:57 baby's mama, because in retrospect, that should have been one of my non negotiable. You got to
25:02 really pray and say, what is it that I'm I have to have? I'm willing to compromise. I'm willing to
25:08 give up myself. I'm willing to be selfless in some ways. But now here are my non negotiables.
25:13 I think for some women, it's like, OK, a brother must work and help provide. I just can't have a
25:18 man that's not going to help and fight to provide for some men. Again, it may be something physical.
25:23 Don't get mad at me. This real teaching, this real teaching, because a real constant I've done
25:29 for some men, one of your major non negotiable should be what body part does she have to have
25:36 for you to stay in lust for 30 years? Yeah. After she have a baby, before she have a baby,
25:42 I got to have pastor. It's just who I am. It's who I am. It's how I'm anthropologically attracted.
25:50 And so I'm how much she cook. I don't care how good of a mother she is. If she'll have no breasts,
25:54 I'm gonna be looking at Instagram. If she'll have a big butt, that's gonna be a problem for me.
25:58 So then don't don't don't even look at a girl who don't have that particular body part.
26:03 Pass out like I'm real slim. Don't look at no big women. Don't look at no big women. Look at only
26:07 very slim women, because that's who you are. That's what you like. You think this is raw
26:12 teaching, but this is teaching after years of people who didn't know their non negotiables
26:18 until they're standing in my line saying, Pastor, even when she touched me, I can't get an erection
26:24 or pastor. I just don't want him to touch me no more because I just don't like the way he doesn't
26:31 attack life. He just doesn't go after it. And I find myself, I don't even want him on me. You
26:36 didn't know your non negotiables. That's rule number one. Know your non negotiables. I got to
26:42 stop. I got to stop. I got so much more to say. I need you to come back next week because I'm
26:46 jumping right back into this. How many happily married people do you know? They didn't get this
26:53 teaching. It's better to be alone than married wrong. I promise I'm a pick it up. I'm coming to
26:59 a city near you. Matter of fact, I'm telling you, man, get excited about the one night stand.
27:06 Again, I'm kicking off in Birmingham, Alabama with my dear son, Pastor Mike McClure. And then
27:13 again, we're going to Keon Henderson's church, Pastor Keon Henderson in Houston, Texas. We're
27:19 headed to Travis Green Church, a major ministry. Man, I'm just so excited to get there. Brian
27:26 Bullock, again, First Church of Glen Arden. I think my son, David Jock in Orlando, Florida.
27:31 I mean, it's just going to be Colby Nesbitt, another set of my we're coming. We're coming.
27:36 We're coming. We're coming. And so I need you to type in the comments. And if you're a pastor
27:41 watching this and you want us to bring the tour of your youth leader or singles leader,
27:45 your pastor has to say it's OK. We need a certain capacity and there's some business parts to it.
27:50 Bring in a lot of books. It's just going to be good. Just a great tour. I love you.
27:55 I'm coming back. Listen, if this blessed you today, you know what to do. Be a blessing to us.
28:01 Help us to keep helping people. And we feel like we're good ground. If you enjoy this real teaching,
28:08 here's what I said. And I do mean it. Most of the teaching that I've heard in secular spaces about
28:16 dating just wasn't righteous enough. Most of the teaching I've heard in sacred spaces
28:23 wasn't real and raw enough. I think my calling is to conflate the two and give it to you
28:30 righteously from Scripture, from the Holy Spirit, but also give it to you real because all the years
28:36 I've been walking with people and seeing people watch this who hate being married.
28:42 I don't want that for you. To those of you who are married, stick with me this season. We'll talk
28:47 about how to improve it, how to be better, how to figure out what steps you skip. Our new book is
28:52 coming out. Pray for us. Come on. Give something tonight. Let us know that we've been a blessing.
28:57 Would you put in the comments? Thank you, Dr. Vernon. I need this. Feed our faith. Let us know
29:01 that what we're doing makes sense. Father, in the name of Jesus, thank you for this word tonight.
29:06 Whenever they're watching, bless them and bless this tour. And I do pray, God, that thousands of
29:12 singles from 18 to 80 will be impacted to make good choices. Some would discover they don't even
29:18 want to be married. Some would discover that they need to do some more self-awareness checks.
29:25 Thank you for what you've given me to give to your people. Bless this tour, God. Let it,
29:31 yes, bless my family financially and that the book does well and help feed my children and
29:37 secure our destiny. But, Lord, you gave it to me as a labor of love also,
29:41 because there's this calling to make sure that people make good decisions regarding marriage.
29:48 Thank you now for who you are. In Jesus' name, amen. All right. I'll see you in the city near you.