Holly Madison Addresses Playboy Mansion REGRETS & What She’ll Tell Her Daughter
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00:00 If she ever came to you and said mom, you know what I have an opportunity of a lifetime
00:04 And she presented the opportunity that you took hold of almost 30 years ago. What would you say jail?
00:09 Not gonna happen
00:13 Her tremendous success only got her in trouble
00:16 I called it the playboy curse because once you were associated with that world things went horribly wrong
00:22 Season two at that that's a big feat. I mean you might as well call the investigation
00:29 Discovery channel you might as well call it the Holly Madison channel at this point because you're taking over
00:33 Yeah, I'm really excited to share these stories with everybody. They're so intriguing to me
00:37 I love telling true stories, especially since some of these cases are unsolved
00:40 I think it's so important to share them and this season we have such a variety of different cases
00:44 Including some involving people I've met before so it's really special to me to be able to share that with everybody
00:49 Why now why now when we were first introduced in season one this opened up?
00:55 I don't want to say a can of worms, but it was so
00:58 Eye-opening to someone who thoroughly enjoyed everything we saw from this fun. You know man
01:04 I know I think just now with social media and everything so many people are telling their stories and people are getting a lot more
01:10 Open-minded to hearing different aspects of things and people are so intrigued and of course true crime content is so popular
01:16 So I think it's the perfect time to share these stories and talk about people who maybe
01:20 People would judge because they had a certain job
01:22 But you can portray the person is more well well-rounded and talk about who they really were and people are open to listening to that
01:27 Now which I think is amazing can you express?
01:30 Why it's so important and kind of how your own emotions get raveled up in telling these stories. I know it can't be easy
01:37 Yeah, being a young woman when I was 19
01:39 I moved down here to LA and didn't know anybody and there's definitely some dicey moments when you're trying to make it in the entertainment
01:44 Industry I definitely made some fear-based
01:46 Decisions and when I see the trajectory of some of these people in the stories I can relate to a lot of their stories
01:52 So I know that this type of thing could really happen to anybody and I always say with these stories
01:56 It's a lot of unrelatable stuff as far as lifestyle
01:59 Not necessarily everybody can relate but you'll be able to relate to a person in one of these stories
02:04 What has been the hardest story in season 2 for you to touch on?
02:09 Maybe it triggered an emotion with you
02:12 I think for me the hardest one was the season finale and involved a woman named Jill Ann Spaulding who I met back in
02:19 2003 and I had no idea what happened to her until I was doing research for my
02:23 Podcast and my co-host Bridget and I were looking back into some other women's accounts of their time at the mansion and I thought whatever
02:29 Happened to her because she'd written something so long ago and then I found out she was very tragically killed
02:34 So I wanted to get into the story and talk a little bit more about who she was as a person
02:38 You know, one of my favorite things to do when I'm doing my research for
02:42 Interviews like these is to look at the comments to look at X or Twitter and see what people are saying
02:48 See what interests people
02:50 One of the common themes despite people being extremely interested and proud of you, by the way. Oh, thanks
02:55 one of the common themes was
02:58 Well, they knew what they were getting themselves into. Yeah, that's one. I love to debunk. I mean with my personal situation
03:04 I love to talk about how I thought I knew what I was getting into but there's some key things
03:09 You don't know and I definitely as a 22 year old woman got in way over my head
03:12 And these kinds of stories and the tragic things that happen to people it could really happen to anybody
03:17 You really see how people go forward with the best intentions and just sometimes the worst thing goes wrong
03:22 And now executive producing season two of the Playboy murders not just that but I do love you so much
03:29 Lethally blonde. Yeah. Well, we've got a new series coming out in March
03:34 It's not Playboy specific
03:36 but it's similar types of cases where we dive into these tragedies that involve people on the fringes of the
03:41 Entertainment industry or in the adult industry or the sex work industry
03:44 So it's a really fascinating lifestyles, but very relatable stories and then often with tragic consequences
03:49 The year was 2001 when you moved into that that Playboy mansion and then I know you ended things in 2008
03:58 Would you take anything back? Would you do you have any regrets?
04:01 I wouldn't necessarily want to go back and relive it
04:04 but I definitely wouldn't change anything because I learned so much and I feel like my purpose here on earth is to share my story and
04:09 To help open people's minds to different perspectives
04:11 I think is there anything in particular you want us to look for the bunny?
04:16 Look is very much like the playmate look we're looking for nice fresh outgoing personalities attractive
04:22 And it's the evolution for me again to see you writing books down the rabbit hole
04:26 You're so clever by the way your team. I'm like
04:29 down the rabbit hole and then also having
04:32 The girls next level girls next level with Bridget. Talk me about that partnership. You all are still friends you I see it
04:39 I'll get social media y'all girls. Yeah, we have been friends for 20 years. It's been an amazing friendship and doing this podcast together
04:45 It's an excuse to hang out several times a month
04:48 Yeah, exactly excuse to get together because you know like being in LA like everybody's so far apart traffic's crazy
04:53 So you need that excuse to get together? Yeah, so we're having a great time with it
04:58 You know some of the episodes there's triggering scenes hard to watch
05:00 But it's fun to talk it through and it's kind of like therapy to get it out there
05:04 And of course we're reliving the good times as well and talking about the fun stuff for those of those people who don't have not watched
05:09 Or listen to the podcast yet when you mentioned these triggering scenes. Can you give us a teaser? What do you mean?
05:13 Well, what are those triggering scenes?
05:15 You know the show is pretty lightweight
05:16 But sometimes something will hit me that I'm not really prepared for like we used to have to do these fake scenes where we would
05:22 All like be in bed together in matching pajamas, and I'm like I can't talk about it
05:26 I'm gay gay
05:27 And sometimes I have to work through that as we're talking about it and sometimes like bridge
05:32 It'll be talking about it, and I'm like I don't know if these feelings come up out of nowhere
05:36 Yeah, you you've mentioned in headlines that you have gone through depression. You've gone through situations such as
05:42 body dysmorphia
05:45 Are you still there?
05:47 Or are you?
05:49 You know as far as body dysmorphia. I try and be very gentle with myself and focus on health. It's never
05:55 Completely gone like I'm still very self-critical
05:58 I don't know if that'll ever be gone, but I just try and make peace with it and just
06:01 Handle my fitness regimen in the way
06:03 That's the most healthy for me, and I just I feel like it's been so ingrained after you know being at the mansion for almost
06:08 Ten years, but but I'm gentle with myself
06:11 And I just try and be as healthy as I can be and just recognize it for what it is and maybe one day
06:16 Maybe one day. I hope I pray for that for you. Yeah when it comes to the depression though
06:22 Is that something that you fade in and out of or you are you have you is that gone or how is the house?
06:27 Are you over that yeah?
06:29 I think when you suffer from depression it never truly goes away things can trigger it or bring it back
06:34 And you just learn coping mechanisms and sometimes medication and different habits to make things better
06:39 But I mean for the most part. I'm really thriving and really happy so I'm very grateful for that of course you know your former
06:45 Playmate friend a former friend Kendra. She mentioned that she has empathy for you
06:50 You know telling your story as executive producer of the playboy murders, and she also mentioned that she's going through clinical depression as well
06:56 What are your thoughts on that?
06:57 I just hope she's surrounding herself by I mean it sounds like she is about with people who she's close to and can trust you
07:04 Know as a mom of two as well like I really feel for her
07:06 And it's a lot to take in especially you know she's been watched for so much of her life
07:11 And that kind of adds an extra layer to it because you're always kind of thinking like what is everybody thinking and how are they responding?
07:17 So I just wish her the best and dealing with that and hope that she's focusing on like the joy in her day-to-day life
07:21 Who was the last time you all were in communication if at all oh my gosh?
07:25 It was years ago like over ten years ago. It was a long time ago. Yeah, you mentioned your children
07:29 And I know you're very private about your children. Yeah, don't worry. I'm gonna be very light. I respect that I get it
07:35 I could you could you share with us kind of their personalities and what they're going through and gosh
07:39 You know at ten years old and at seven years old yeah well with my daughter
07:42 I'm struggling really hard to get her to finish her homework every day other than that
07:46 She's a really gifted surfer, and she's really special and she's finally getting into loving reading
07:51 Which I love because I was a big bookworm as a kid and then my son is just super crazy attention hog hilarious funny
07:58 I want to know she is now ten have she had conversations with you has she asked you questions about mommy's past life anything
08:05 Nothing about my past life. She knows I have a podcast
08:08 She doesn't know what it's about or really seem to care
08:10 So I have no idea when that's gonna come up or when that's gonna be a topic everybody asking how I'm gonna handle it
08:16 And I really have no idea. I feel like with parenting
08:18 That's kind of what it is you can read all the books you want and get educated all you want
08:21 But every phase is so different
08:23 I never know how I'm gonna handle each phase until it's right in front of my face
08:26 I'm like have you had that conversation in the shower like well. You know mommy was
08:29 enjoying her life
08:32 If she ever came to you and said mom you know what I have an opportunity of a lifetime
08:37 And she presented the opportunity that you took hold of almost 30 years ago. What would you say jail?
08:45 Not gonna happen jail for her or jail for the person whatever keeps it from happening
08:49 I know that some suitors are like throwing in their names in the hat. Oh, I have a boyfriend, okay, okay?
08:57 Yeah, we're pretty quiet about it
08:58 But I've been dating the same guy off and on for four years
09:00 So what makes him so special if you want to so many things?
09:04 But I think one of the things he what I love about him is he's just so secure
09:08 He's not like jealous or weird about anything. I've done in the past
09:11 And I love that as when you were dating were you ever fearful that that would be a conversation that you had to have
09:17 With the guys that you were dating at all like I don't feel like asking these questions
09:21 Or yeah, I dated a lot of jealous people and people who knew exactly who I was and they got together with me
09:26 But then later had a problem with it, so it's just like a lot of insecurity that I don't have time for
09:30 And my final final question you also recently mentioned your autism diagnosis
09:37 Why did you want to share that with the world when you could have kept it to yourself?
09:40 Yeah, you know I was really curious about it myself
09:43 It was something my mom brought up to me a few years ago
09:45 And I started looking into the symptoms and thinking this really resonates with what I've been going through my whole life
09:51 So I finally got a diagnosis this last summer
09:53 And it's important to me to talk about because I look at my story
09:56 And I feel like it's just a piece in the puzzle when I look at okay
09:59 Why did I identify with this person?
10:01 And why did I feel safe here and not here and it really helps me?
10:05 You know figure things out, and I'm always kind of over sharing so it was part of the puzzle
10:09 It was important to me to get a formal diagnosis
10:11 So I knew what I was talking about like I can't by any means be a spokesperson for everyone with autism because it is such
10:16 A spectrum and I'm pretty high functioning
10:18 So I don't know what a lot of other people on the spectrum are dealing with
10:21 But I just love being honest and vulnerable and I feel like I had to do it
10:26 That's an interesting thing that you said how you were looking for some type of
10:30 Like kind of protection or looking for things here and there would you attribute that diagnosis now that you know would you attribute autism to?
10:37 The decisions you made in your early 20s. I think it was definitely a big part of it
10:42 I think me feeling like I could be in love with an older man
10:45 Part of that was because I hadn't really connected with boys my own age my whole life
10:50 And that was a lot of social
10:52 Difficulty and just being kind of on a different social wavelength than other people which can happen when you're on the spectrum
10:56 But I didn't know that at the time and I thought well
10:59 Maybe I'm just destined to be with somebody older. You know that's kind of the vision
11:02 I was looking at it through the whole time
11:04 But it's definitely when that's a part of you it plays a big part in your decision-making process for sure like I don't ever like
11:09 To point at that one thing and like blame it. I don't want it to come off like that
11:12 But it's definitely it's a part of who I am are we gonna see everybody on that finger
11:16 Maybe I mean I was already married, and I had my dream wedding, so I don't need it, but I'm not opposed to it either
11:22 Proud of you congratulations. We can't wait for March 25th when we see lethally blonde on ID and more current
11:31 We're excited for January
11:33 52nd when everyone who talked about the Playboy murders can't wait to tune in to the Playboy murder seriously
11:38 It's um. I don't want to say that I'm excited about it
11:41 Yeah, obvious reasons, but it is it is must watch television. Yeah, I do love sharing those stories
11:47 Because it really unearths things that we had no idea were taking place, so thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing all this
11:55 Congratulations
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