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NewsTranscript
00:00 And to get to Kigali, you have to have that, "Welcome to Kigali.
00:07 Have you seen our women?"
00:21 I have.
00:23 Yes.
00:25 I promise you, even the not so beautiful women of Rwanda are the most beautiful women of my country.
00:36 I was walking by the road today and I think people thought I'm probably crazy.
00:44 Because I was walking on the road and I looked at this woman.
00:47 Everybody has a beautiful figure and their bodies are messy and stuff.
00:51 I started asking somebody what was with me, "Do you go to the gym?"
00:55 They said, "What's a gym?"
00:58 And I see these beautiful women walking on the road and I kept smiling.
01:05 Just to realize not all of them knew me.
01:09 Have you ever found somebody who doesn't know you and you just smile at them just like that?
01:17 I love things about Kigali and the streets are very clean.
01:22 It's not like most of our countries.
01:24 And this place is really beautiful. I like it.
01:26 Please give it up for yourself.
01:31 It's my first time here and I'm really having a lot of fun.
01:34 I promise you.
01:36 I haven't talked about the president.
01:40 But I am very smart.
01:45 So, the joke is really, it's a killer joke.
01:51 It's a very funny joke. It's like a killer, killer joke.
01:58 I need you guys to give me your emails.
02:02 When I get back home, I'm going to send you the joke.
02:07 So, you give me your emails after the show and I'll send you the joke.
02:15 Once more time, please give it up for Chip Keezy, the comedian that left the show.
02:20 He's a good friend of mine.
02:22 The first time I went to Kenya, I did...
02:27 As comedians, nobody really says the truth.
02:30 You get on stage, you don't tell the truth.
02:32 A lot of comedians, before you get to the whole show, you just make a really good show.
02:37 You know what's bombing, right?
02:40 I mean, you make a very bad show.
02:42 Nobody laughs at all.
02:44 I understand. Some people don't laugh because they have stress and stuff like that.
02:48 But some people just don't laugh because they're not funny.
02:50 So, most people get on the show as comedians if they don't really laugh.
02:55 So, I did a show in Kenya.
02:57 It was a very long time ago.
03:00 And half of the show was funny.
03:03 There's a lot of people that I have a friend of mine.
03:05 And I met Chip Keezy in the show, the comedian that just left.
03:09 And I'm a very curious person, so I asked him, "Why are you such a small man?"
03:16 Because he's literally a very small man to me.
03:19 I look at him like this and Chip Keezy looks up to me.
03:24 And he tells me, "You should ask the doctor."
03:31 I tell him, "Sure."
03:33 So, he thinks he's won the whole thing.
03:36 But I don't think he's won.
03:39 I'm a very curious person, like I said.
03:42 So, a few hours later, when I'm actually planning to go visit the hospital where he was born,
03:49 I was talking to my friend. His name is Captain Cannon.
03:53 And I said, "Captain Cannon, if I haven't told you about Captain Cannon, he's a Tanzanian person.
04:01 He's a comedian also. He's a Tanzanian.
04:03 And he's living in Germany.
04:07 He does shows in Malaysia.
04:12 And he has an American accent."
04:19 You might find something familiar on that one.
04:24 Brazilian hair, right?
04:27 It's made in Brazil, processed in China, used by you.
04:38 So, Brazilian hair, just like that.
04:42 I asked him, "Captain Cannon, we need to go to some place.
04:45 We're in the middle of the streets in Nairobi."
04:49 And he starts snapping. Snapchat is an app that everybody really uses.
04:52 And he's on the thing. He's like, "What's up, my people? Everybody there?"
04:57 I'm like, "Captain Cannon, you're talking to 23 people. You don't really have to say your people."
05:01 He said, "What's up, my people? How's everything? How's it going? What's we doing?
05:07 I'm in Nairobi, baby."
05:10 I tell him, "You're going in Nairobi?"
05:14 But this is called Nairobi for a reason.
05:18 So you're on the phone. Two minutes don't really pass.
05:21 They steal his phone. I hear something from my back.
05:24 He's like, "Ahh! He stole my phone! What's happening? What's going on?"
05:29 "Captain Cannon, what's wrong?"
05:31 "Relax."
05:32 "No! They took my phone!"
05:34 "No, no, no, no, no."
05:39 They stole way more things than you think.
05:43 They stole your American accent.
05:49 So I did the whole show, and then I got here, and I loved it.
05:54 And then I did something.
05:56 Quite a few days ago, I did a show in Tanzania.
06:00 I did a tour to a church ground.
06:02 Are there church people here? Yeah?
06:06 So I didn't know I was doing a show for a church ground.
06:11 And I did dirty jokes for a church ground.
06:15 Very big mistake.
06:17 I got into the show.
06:19 The president always pardons somebody who does a thing every single year, right?
06:24 So the president had pardoned somebody called Papikocha.
06:29 Papikocha is a pedophile.
06:32 So the president had pardoned a pedophile for this year.
06:36 And I said, "This is all the president's mistake. It's not me."
06:41 So he had pardoned him. Papikocha was out in the crowd.
06:44 So when I was there on the show in the church ground,
06:48 I got in the front, and I sat there.
06:51 There was a mic, and there was a mic stand, and I sat there.
06:55 Everybody hasn't used a mic stand. I might as well really use a mic stand.
06:59 So I got to the mic stand, and then I grabbed the mic stand,
07:03 and I put it in the mic.
07:07 I put the mic into the mic stand.
07:11 When I did that, something told me, "Do it again."
07:18 So I removed the mic stand, and then I put it again into the mic stand.
07:24 Something told me, "Do it again."
07:28 So I removed the mic from my mic stand, and I put it again in.
07:33 Then something told me, "Do it again."
07:36 After I did it for a while, it felt like it was weird.
07:40 And that's why I told them that Papikocha went to jail.
07:45 And people were very angry about it, because I didn't notice the children in the crowd.
07:52 There were no children in the whole crowd.
07:55 And I said, "I know why there are no children in the crowd today."
08:00 Maybe because Papikocha is out.
08:04 Thank you.
08:25 [applause]
08:27 (gunshot)