Resident buffoon and Christmas correspondent, Ash Walmsley, reads through some of the corporate Christmas cards to have come across his desk this year. Of course, take them with a grain of salt...
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00:00 You know we get a lot of corporate Christmas cards sent to us here, so I thought I'd just share a few of them with you today.
00:06 Who's this from? From Optus.
00:09 Just sort of cuts out halfway actually.
00:13 Usually we get one from the Brisbane Broncos and from the Brisbane Lions, but they
00:20 must have just both lost it.
00:25 Here's one from Netflix. Actually, I would share this with you, but you'd need your own account.
00:30 A card here from beekeepers New South Wales.
00:35 I do actually have to burn this after I've read it, but I will be compensated eventually.
00:43 In fact, we just better burn all of these cards just to be sure of it, I think.
00:48 From Elon Musk who has
00:52 renamed the international holiday formerly known as Christmas into
00:57 Xmas.
01:00 We usually get one from the Matildas soccer team, but
01:14 just didn't quite make it, I think.
01:18 It's a very bashed up card here.
01:21 It's from the Qantas baggage handlers.
01:24 That's one from Qantas themselves. It says this Christmas greeting has actually been cancelled.
01:30 Please make alternative arrangements by seeing a member at our service desk.
01:34 Here's one from Apple.
01:38 I was going to read it. It's just started to do an update though, so we
01:43 will just have to wait for that one.
01:50 No, it's reset.
01:52 Here's another one from beekeepers New South Wales. It turns out we didn't actually need to burn all those cards before.
02:01 Get it? He renamed Twitter X.
02:15 From the BOM, sorry Bureau of Meteorology.
02:19 Just wishing you a best of Christmas greetings,
02:23 particularly as we enter this dry dry season due to the impending El Niño
02:29 Mayor.
02:32 I can't read the rest of it. It's sort of water damage from going through all the flooding and rain it's taken to get here.
02:42 From the Australian Electoral Commission.
02:44 Please tick the Christmas greeting that you least do not disagree with the most.
02:51 From the Reserve Bank. Just saying that they have put their Christmas greetings on hold for now.
03:01 It's not even Tuesday.
03:05 One from the Australian one-day cricket side.
03:11 Oof.
03:12 Bit of a shambles at the start there, but it improves.
03:16 Yeah, okay. I can read that by the end of it. It gets pretty good, pretty tight really.
03:21 No complimentary sandpaper like a few years ago.
03:27 One from John Farnham.
03:31 This card seems to have been around a few times actually, but he's just sending it out one more time.
03:40 This one is from the Australian beef industry.
03:43 Yes, it's certainly a little bit leaner than other years and no
03:49 gift card either.
03:52 It's not Twitter-mas.
03:54 From Taylor Swift.
04:02 Okay, so yeah pretty
04:06 much the same greeting as always just with a bit more glitter.
04:10 Oh, and you can actually pay to go read this Christmas greeting at a cinema if you'd like.
04:16 This is from Prince Charles. Sorry King Charles. They've just scribbled over the Prince bit.
04:23 They budget I suppose and just handwritten King
04:27 in there.
04:29 Oh, this will be interesting. This is from ChatGPT.
04:33 It says "Have a Merry Christmas".
04:37 It's like a human has written that.
04:41 What an age to be alive.
04:43 This is from the makers of the Barbie movie.
04:53 Oh, oh gee that's
04:57 that's a lot of pink.
05:02 Oh, I'm feeling nauseous.
05:04 From Anthony Albanese. Wow, look at that. 14 different international post stamps on there.
05:21 Elbow says
05:26 "Yes, happy Christmas in the interest of doing things better and striving for a renewed focus of wholesomeness,
05:33 doing things unlike they've ever been done in Parliament,
05:36 forging new pathways,
05:38 breaking the mould, thinking outside the box. He presents this Christmas greeting.
05:43 Merry Christmas."
05:45 This is from Peter Dutton.
05:50 It just says "No".
05:54 This is from Bono of U2.
05:58 It's just collapsed.
06:01 Is that
06:03 Is that meant to happen? It's not getting up.
06:05 What's going to happen now?
06:08 Is it just
06:11 What happens? Oh, it's come good.
06:13 It's just part of the show.
06:15 Bono.
06:19 [POP]
06:21 [POP]
06:24 [GASP]
06:26 This one is from the Murray Darling Basin Authority.
06:31 Which, oh no, it says it's delayed
06:34 delivering the Christmas greeting.
06:37 Oh no it hasn't. It's going to deliver them.
06:39 No, no, no, it's delayed.
06:41 Yes, going to deliver on time and under budget.
06:44 No, no, pause that.
06:46 It's coming back. Yes, it is now.
06:48 It's going, no, actually
06:50 it says it at the end, just hold off.
06:52 This is from the producers of the Fast and the Furious movie series.
06:59 It's an audio card.
07:02 "Febly, Febly, Febly, Febly, Febly, Febly."
07:14 It's about as extensive as the dialogue got, really.
07:17 So that's it for our corporate Christmas cards.
07:20 Thank you very much for watching.
07:22 And of course every viewer will get a free plum pudding
07:25 that we've pre-ordered from Sarah Lee.
07:27 So that's something to look forward to.
07:29 Have a very happy Christmas.
07:31 Xmas!
07:37 [music]
07:39 (upbeat music)