Category
🎮️
GamingTranscript
00:00 [Swoosh]
00:02 [Music]
00:12 [Music]
00:16 Asterix and Obelix! Slap them all too!
00:20 The year is still 50 BC.
00:24 Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans.
00:28 Well, not entirely.
00:30 One small village of indomitable Gauls, well known to all,
00:35 still holds out against the invaders.
00:38 Typically calm, much to the delight of the neighboring Roman camps,
00:42 the peaceful village will be shaken by an unforeseen event,
00:46 the consequences of which could undermine the authority of the Roman Empire.
00:54 And whose voice is this that resounds so suddenly?
00:58 Help! Someone please help me find Belenos!
01:08 Why, it's the chief's nephew, just for kicks.
01:15 He's all pale and out of breath, the stale air of Eutysia, no doubt.
01:21 Asterix! Obelix! Help! There are Romans on my tail!
01:26 Halt, Gaul! Hand over that fugitive or suffer the consequences!
01:32 Goodie, goodie! Romans! Shiny new Romans!
01:37 What have you done, just for kicks?
01:39 Nothing! I'm straight up being framed! I'm innocent!
01:44 Hand over that Gaul, Gauls! And I promise to be merciful!
01:51 Stay here, just for kicks. I'm going to calmly discuss this with him.
01:54 My logic can be striking!
01:56 By Jupiter! They're charging us! Attack!
02:03 Back in the village?
02:06 So to what do I owe this sudden visit, my nephew?
02:09 Why were those Romans chasing you?
02:12 Well, you see, right now Eutysia's being hit hard by a wave of robberies
02:17 by this gang of dangerous thieves.
02:20 Oh yes, my brother Homeopathix wrote me of it.
02:23 That's all they talk about in Eutysia.
02:26 Totally! The gang got bold last night and snatched the Aquila of Eutysia
02:31 and the Romans think my dad, Double Helix, is the one in charge.
02:36 The Achi what?
02:38 Aquila, Obelix. A golden eagle, the symbol of the Legion.
02:42 Losing it is a great dishonour for Rome.
02:45 Exactly! And since they need to present a guilty person to Caesar,
02:50 who's supposed to be visiting in three days,
02:52 they just captured my father because of his ties with all of you.
02:56 We just need to get him out of jail. A simple knock on the door and...
03:01 No, Obelix. Life of a fugitive is no life for my brother and nephew.
03:06 They would be in hiding forever.
03:08 Yes, we must prove their innocence by finding that Aquila
03:11 and putting a stop to the real head of this gang before Caesar's visit.
03:15 But we'll need to know where to look.
03:18 You're in luck. I've got a friend, Acapella. She's a bard.
03:23 She could help. She knows all the gossip around Eutysia.
03:27 I was going to the arenas of Eutysia to see her when they chased me.
03:32 She plays music there. I can show you the way.
03:35 No, no. Stay in the village. It's much too dangerous for a little piglet like yourself.
03:41 Yes, worry not. Give us a description and we'll find her.
03:46 Then we shall save the honour of your family.
03:50 Did you see that, Dogmatics? We're one step closer.
04:00 Our gauze robed the dark recesses of the Amorican forest,
04:05 where sorrowful souls still wander these lands in the remains of the fabled Mansion of the Gods.
04:28 Always so busy, this forest.
04:31 After sheltering from the rain, our friends return to their journey.
04:37 Much to the delight of Obelix, our friends enter a Roman camp
04:47 where they are welcomed by a very unpleasant odour.
04:52 THE ROMAN CAMP
04:55 That would be Gluteus Maximus, would it not?
05:05 Oh, you're right. Hello.
05:08 You again?
05:10 Training hard, are we?
05:12 Yes, in preparations for the future games.
05:16 Oh, well, I'd be happy to help.
05:19 I won't hold anything back.
05:22 Hey!
05:23 I'm washed. I think I'm going to get back to cleaning.
05:27 I like these fun little breaks. That really worked up my appetite.
05:32 In any case, we've lost enough time. Let's be on our way.
05:36 Oh, look at the nice inn, Asterix.
05:41 Say, can we go? Can we?
05:45 Hmm, not that we can go any further at the moment anyway.
05:49 And we'll need to gather our strength before arriving in Lutetia.
05:53 It'll be nightfall soon.
05:55 Let it, that takes care of that.
06:00 Not far from there, our Gauls hear an uproar coming from an inn.
06:12 Hello, welcome. A table for two?
06:15 And a bowl of water for my little donkey.
06:19 The demon's not here.
06:21 He's gone.
06:23 I'll go and get him.
06:25 I'm sorry, but I'm not going to stay here.
06:28 I'm going to go and get my little donkey.
06:31 I'm going to go and get my little donkey.
06:34 I'm going to go and get my little donkey.
06:37 I'm going to go and get my little donkey.
06:40 The demonstrators out there, what are they demanding?
06:44 Oh, uh, better conditions.
06:47 Working conditions?
06:49 Oh no, they're slaves. They're demanding better weather conditions.
06:53 It's exhausting to work in the rain.
06:56 Oi, you, Gauls. We don't much care for your kind around here.
07:01 We can never eat in peace.
07:05 Come on, is this mayhem almost finished?
07:09 You Gauls aren't done wreaking havoc yet?
07:13 After their excellent free meal, our Gauls return to their crossing and reach the banks of the Seine.
07:30 After their excellent free meal, our Gauls return to their crossing and reach the banks of the Seine.
07:35 How astonishing, you don'ts! How did I end up stuck with such worthless maggots?
07:44 What a bunch of incompetent oafs!
07:47 A brand new ship, running around on the shore.
07:51 Amici, diem perdidi!
07:55 Injubilably!
07:57 Tell me, Redbeard, it's quite a coincidence to find you swimming here while the people of Lutetia are squawking about thefts.
08:04 And a squawking parrot comes with pirates.
08:08 Well, uh, you'll never take me alive!
08:12 Well, are you ready to talk?
08:16 Would you by any chance have seen an Aquila nearby?
08:20 An Aquila? Here? No, I don't know anything about any Aquila.
08:25 Oh, let's not lose any more time then. I don't think he's going to tell us anything.
08:30 Pity. I would have gladly kept shaking him. It's good for the circulation.
08:35 I'm circulating, I'm circulating. Let me go and I'll circulate.
08:40 That's it. We'll finally be able to sit down and eat.
08:49 Our gaulds arrive at the magnificent arenas of Lutetia, situated on the outskirts of the city.
08:56 Ah, the arenas. At last. We should find Acapella here.
09:15 I hope she sings better than Cacophonix.
09:19 Oh, there she is. She's heading into the arenas.
09:24 I'm having trouble following her with all these people.
09:28 Careful, Obelix. We're getting swept away by the movement of the crowd. The more we're dragged off, the further we get from Acapella.
09:42 So, Ustrups, where are we?
09:45 Gauls! Romans! Celts! Lend me your ears!
09:50 Two new participants have arrived! Let them hear your cheers!
09:57 Well, for discretion's sake, we'll come back.
10:00 And judging by their mustaches and creeches, I'd say they're ghoulish.
10:07 What do we do, Ustrups?
10:10 I think it's too late to turn back now. Let's do as they ask and take advantage of the occasion to look for the bar.
10:17 Now then, without further ado, let your applause roar as we begin the trial of garrows!
10:28 Great performance by our national team to take the victory!
10:34 That was fun! We have to do that again in the village. You think they'll want to play it from Bendium?
10:40 I don't think so, Obelix. The Romans never want to leave their camp.
10:45 We'll play at home.
10:47 Wait! Do my eyes deceive me? The other athletes appear to be jealous of their victory and have invaded the arena for a fight.
10:56 I don't believe the games are over just yet, Obelix.
11:00 Not in fifteen years of my career have I ever seen this, friends. The match has descended into a coven crawl.
11:09 Ready or not, fight!
11:13 What a match, friends! I hope you have all enjoyed the show!
11:22 It's over already?
11:24 Come on, Obelix. Have you forgotten our mission? We need to find that bar!
11:32 Oh, she's over there! She's leading the arena!
11:38 After this playful aside, our galls set off again for Leticia, determined to find Acapella.
11:51 No!
11:52 Who dares disturb me during my nap?
11:56 Acapella!
11:58 Um, yes? Who's asking? I-
12:02 Hehehehe. No, we are just friends of Just for Kicks.
12:07 Wait! I recognize you! You won that fight! I just saw you back in the arena!
12:14 Yes, er, no. Well, Just for Kicks is in need of help. Acapella, what do you know of the stolen Aquila?
12:26 The Aquila that was there? Rumors in the city say that wretched Clover Garlics stole it.
12:32 Clover Garlics? Why, he's an old acquaintance.
12:37 Yes, he frequents the taverns where I play. They're down in the bottoms of the city.
12:43 Ah, very well. But which tavern? I imagine the place is full of such establishments.
12:49 Try to find a red building on the Metro Bus Guide. You can't miss it.
12:54 Thank you, Acapella. Come now, Obelix. We're leaving to look for Clover Garlics.
12:59 Ho ho ho ho ho ho. Obelix?
13:02 Asterix, Obelix, and Dogmatix roam the city streets, intent on getting their hands on Clover Garlics.
13:13 Greetings, innkeeper. We've heard one Clover Garlics and his crew often hang around here.
13:22 Oh no, they're not welcome here anymore. They ran up a tab as long as my arm.
13:28 It's cute here. It reminds me of our tour of Gaul. Do you remember, Asterix?
13:37 Hello, gang. Have you heard of any thefts recently? Come again? Are you accusing me? But I am so very friendly.
13:48 Well, I don't know if you're really so friendly.
13:52 What? You don't believe I can be amicable? You're looking for a fight? Is that it?
14:01 [Clover Garlics are being chased by a group of men.]
14:07 Quiet down! They can hear you all the way down at L'Earl. Are you done making all that racket? I'm working here!
14:14 Why, you're not terribly sturdy, are you?
14:17 He doesn't eat enough, I'm sure that's it.
14:20 Tell us everything you know.
14:23 Okay, okay, stop hurting me already. If you're looking for Clover Garlics, he's not here. He's in that large building there, committing a heist at this very moment. I can give you all the names of his gang.
14:38 He's a funny one, this thief. Can we give him to the Romans?
14:43 No, he's talkative, but without a quealer, that wouldn't be of any help.
14:49 Oh darn, he fell right through my fingers. He's as slippery as an eel.
14:55 Not to worry. I have a hunch we'll be seeing him again before long. Let's go get a look at this famous building.
15:04 Constructed of beautiful grey laboured marble in 53 BC, this splendid edifice houses a plethora of magnificent sculptures and reliefs that we will unfortunately not have the time to detail.
15:23 Our visit continues beyond the atrium in this Romanesque garden where the begonias and rhododendron are in bloom. Say, are you honestly interested in what I'm telling you, or am I just here to kill time?
15:38 It's so humid here. Oh, look Asterix, it's Double Helix!
15:49 Asterix! Obelix! It warms my heart to see you both. How is Josphikix? Is he well?
15:56 Oh yes, he's left the rush of the city for a time.
16:00 Say, Asterix, what if we freed him since we're here?
16:04 Hmm, I don't think that would be terribly wise, Obelix. As our chief vital statistic said, first we must prove his innocence.
16:12 Agreed, friend. I believe I saw that lout Clover Garlics pass by here. I would bet my life he had something to do with it.
16:21 Don't worry, Double Helix. We're going to do all we can to find the real culprits.
16:26 I think the time has come for you to surrender, Clover Garlics.
16:31 Not yet! Finish him!
16:34 Surrender, Clover Garlics! You're surrounded!
16:39 Oh, look, Asterix! We must have hit him too hard. He turned to thin air.
16:45 Now I think he must have escaped down this tunnel. Quickly, we must catch him!
16:50 Let us not leave this resplendent edifice without first admiring the magnificence of its foundations
16:58 and the majesty of the Lutetian basements which are so very practical for traversing the city in case of rain.
17:04 [MUSIC]
17:07 Gosh, it's not very solid here. It all collapsed as we passed.
17:15 There must be another exit this way. Be careful, it's quite dark.
17:21 Out! What's the password?
17:25 If I were you, I wouldn't stand so close to the door.
17:28 Huh? No, that's not it.
17:31 [GUNSHOT]
17:32 Out! What's the password?
17:37 Again?
17:38 Ah, you're missing a word.
17:40 [GUNSHOT]
17:42 Er, what's the password?
17:45 Clover Garlics? Is that you?
17:47 Er, no.
17:49 Erm, yes?
17:50 He's gone out for lunch.
17:52 [GUNSHOT]
17:56 Oh, lots of treasures all over. Guess we know where the bandits hide their loot.
18:02 They're all just souvenirs, that's all.
18:05 Come on, Clover Garlics. Give up, so we can free Double Helix and finally have a big feast.
18:13 Never! This pigeon has been very useful.
18:16 Well, I don't know anything about this big story of yours about some pigeon, but you're going to have to come quietly now.
18:23 Come and get me then, tubby!
18:26 [LAUGHTER]
18:29 Who put out the torches?
18:32 These city folk, always running around.
18:44 While our gauls toured the underground, the Romans gathered at the exit, intent on capturing all the bandits, as well as Asterix, Obelix and Dogmatix in a pincer move.
18:56 Let's go the other way!
19:13 Hurry up and load the loot, so we can ship off.
19:17 Look who it is. Those pirates. Was last time not enough for you?
19:25 Epis repetita! Gauls!
19:28 This tub's no better than driftwood. Why is it in such a state?
19:32 Well, first of all, it was no fault. Told you I want a ship, yes or no?
19:37 What a hassle. It'll never hold for such a long voyage.
19:42 Yes, well, you're exactly right. If we could have a small supplement for expenses.
19:48 The boss said you will be paid upon delivery of the Aquila. You can discuss it with him then.
19:54 Fine, yes. Pay for us, and I...
19:58 Hello? It's us! Oh no, not them!
20:03 Oh, you know them too?
20:05 Ah, we meet yet again.
20:07 My precious!
20:09 I beg you, no more! I'll talk, I'll talk!
20:30 Who asked you to steal the Aquila?
20:32 I don't know his name, but these galley slaves were to take us to him beyond the icy seas.
20:38 And the thief that just left? Does he belong to your gang?
20:41 No, but he's in cahoots with the men there. That's all I know, I swear it.
20:46 Obelix, I believe it may be time for a cruise.
20:50 Not on this shipwreck. She won't last much longer.
20:54 [Shipwreck]
21:04 Stotoram numeros est infinitus!
21:09 Speak for yourself!
21:11 Speak for yourselves!
21:13 Meanwhile...
21:15 Climbing onto pieces of drifting wreckage, our gauls set off in pursuit of the thief.
21:23 [Climbing onto pieces of drifting wreckage]
21:29 We'll catch up with the thief if we follow the current.
21:34 But let's watch out for the debris, though.
21:37 Ah, finally a little exercise!
21:52 Well, that wasn't so hard after all!
21:55 This one looks ripe for the picking.
21:57 Watch out below!
22:00 Still? Weird.
22:04 [Water]
22:22 Asterix, I think we're taking on water.
22:25 Not to worry, Obelix. I can make out a port on the horizon.
22:31 We're going to need a bigger boat.
22:34 As you say. And I see just such a boat at the dock.
22:39 Hooray!
22:42 After these few refreshing fathoms, our gauls climb aboard a Roman galley.
22:57 Ahoy there! Would it be possible to follow that ship on the horizon?
23:01 No can do. We're expected at ground for the games, and it's in the other direction.
23:06 It's just that it's really quite urgent.
23:09 But I'm telling you, it's not possible.
23:12 Okay, that leaves us only one solution.
23:16 All right, men, throw these gauls overboard. It'll be good practice for us.
23:21 I do hope these warriors know how to swim.
23:26 [Water]
23:39 Don't eat too hard, I beg you! We need to be in good shape for the games!
23:44 Not true. But that will depend on you.
23:47 Let's drop off the Romans and get going as soon as possible, Obelix.
23:52 [Dog barks]
23:53 Sails on the horizon!
23:56 Perfect! We can catch up with that thief at last.
23:59 And then we'll be able to get our hands on the lot of it.
24:02 After some hours in pursuit, our friends arrive in the great north, the land of the mighty Vikings.
24:19 Hmm. With all these icebergs around, a collision is only a matter of time. We'll have to continue on foot.
24:26 Will you remember where we left the camp?
24:30 Curious. Our scouts are still yet to return. They must have fallen in the water again. It's not easy to walk on this ice in sandals.
24:41 Look alive! Gauls!
24:46 It's so dark here. We should have brought along torches.
24:49 Yes, it's like trying to see through a menhir.
24:53 Stick close to me, Obelix.
24:56 Say, Asterix, I think we're going in circles. I recognize that boulder.
25:02 Finished already? But wh-
25:06 After several long, very long hours of walking, our heroes exit the cave at last.
25:15 I'll be glad not to see another cave for a good long time. I thought we'd never see the light of day again.
25:23 Don't worry. There shouldn't be too many in the region.
25:27 At worst, we'll go around. Surely it wouldn't take us long.
25:34 Watch out ahead!
25:42 More people! Oh no! Please, we've had enough already!
25:46 Oh wait, those aren't normans. Just some ghouls. They're easier to beat, those ones.
25:53 Snowfalls are heavy in this region. We'll need to stay on our guard.
25:59 Another cave? Is there no end to them?
26:03 They're infuriating, always running away like this.
26:06 Not on the eight! Not on the eight!
26:09 Why me?
26:12 You shall not pass! You're not on the list!
26:24 I'm not on the list!
26:28 You shall not pass! You're not on the list!
26:32 We're losing so much time with formalities.
26:35 Look, Asterix, a viking village. You think we'll see the ones from last time?
26:42 They left without even giving us their recipe for wild boar a la creme.
26:47 In any event, I wonder if they might have something to do with our story.
26:53 Our friends will soon discover the cold hospitality of the viking people, who do not much appreciate surprise visits.
27:02 Okay, just one more and I'll stop.
27:11 It's not solid here.
27:21 Huh? I thought I heard a sound.
27:25 Now that's a welcome party!
27:32 You're gonna meet the blood and...
27:35 Ah, he's finally stopping.
27:40 Oh, my two dutches, it's time when you're home. You recognize him?
27:47 Yes, and he's talking with our thief.
27:50 I believe we may have just found our secret benefactor.
27:54 Let's grab him and get going then. I'm starting to get hungry.
27:59 Ready?
28:03 Spill it, Olaf time and a half.
28:08 Uncle, uncle, you frighten me. I'll ship out immediately.
28:14 Before your voyage, tell us about those in Lutetia.
28:17 It's the work of a Roman named Peking Hydrangeas. He hired me to get revenge on Rome.
28:24 A Roman?
28:25 Yes, he promised me land in Gaul if I helped him overthrow Caesar.
28:31 You know, nothing grows here, so we pillage a little. Nothing major.
28:37 Overthrow Caesar? Those vikings are crazy. Pushing him would be enough.
28:43 Hold on, Obelix. Where is this Roman?
28:46 In the mountains, up that way with the Aquila. Don't hit me anymore. I feel like everything's spinning.
28:54 Asterix, Obelix and Dogmatics prepare to scale the steep hills of the Viking territory as they approach the end of their journey.
29:12 Oh no, he's running away again. This has to be at least the 43rd time he's done this.
29:18 I think we can infer that this Peking Hydrangeas has come up with a devilish plan to overthrow Rome.
29:25 It's not just a simple wave of thefts.
29:28 Coming in hot!
29:34 Master Peking Hydrangeas, I have it. I have the Aquila.
29:41 Aha, perfect. Caesar will be put to shame and will lose his support in the Senate.
29:47 I have nothing left to do but to save Rome from a Viking invasion, and then I will be appointed as the new Emperor.
29:56 Yes, Master.
29:58 I was stripped of my duties as Senator for reasons of high treason, but who will suffer such bitter regret now?
30:07 The other Senators, Master.
30:10 Bravo, my stalwart friend. I was certain that fool Clover Garlix would fail in his mission.
30:18 Now, return to Rome and be at the ready.
30:21 Oh, yes, Master.
30:24 Don't celebrate too quickly, Roman. We need that Aquila to clear our friend's name.
30:36 And his son.
30:38 Not another step, whoever you are, or I'll throw the artifact into this bottomless chasm.
30:44 I don't think so.
30:46 You've done well to follow me here, but you'll never take me!
30:51 Your very bold calls. Who would have thought?
30:56 Ahahahahaha! You will never get it back!
31:04 No, why did you do that?
31:07 Revenge is all mine! Ahahahahaha!
31:12 Enough! I'm taking you with me.
31:15 Help! The ground is falling beneath my feet!
31:22 No!
31:24 I fear all may be lost, Doublelix.
31:27 Yes, Doublehelix will stay in prison forever.
31:32 Oh, look, Asterix!
31:35 What?
31:37 Ahaha! Save me, Paijuno! Ahaha!
31:41 How ironic. Saved by the very Aquila he had sworn to destroy.
31:46 Come on, let's go. I'm starving.
31:49 The Aquila recovered. Our friends returned to Leticia to give the eagle back to Julius Caesar.
31:57 Well, there you have it.
32:00 The Aquila recovered. Our friends returned to Leticia to give the eagle back to Julius Caesar.
32:06 Gauze, you have saved the Roman Empire. Without this Aquila, I would have lost all honor.
32:16 Never mind that, Julius. We wish to thank you for your help.
32:21 Thank you, Asterix.
32:25 I would have lost all honor.
32:27 Never mind that, Julius. We wish only for you to exonerate Doublehelix and just for Kings.
32:33 Granted. As for picking Hydrangeas, in light of your treachery, I will honor you with a place in the next games.
32:43 What place?
32:45 The very best, with the best view, at the very center of the arena!
32:52 No, noble Caesar, not those ravenous, starving lions!
32:56 Good. Let's go home, Asterix. The whole village is probably getting impatient by now.
33:02 Back in the village?
33:06 Just for kicks! My son! I feared I would never see you again!
33:20 Oh, yeah. Asterix, Obelix, thanks for clearing my dad's name and freeing him.
33:25 Think nothing of it.
33:27 Yes, just the usual routine, you know.
33:30 Well, how was Leticia?
33:33 Just as crowded as ever.
33:35 From top to bottom.
33:37 Oh, that brings to mind a song, under the skies of Leticia!
33:47 Oh, no! You are not going to ruin this reunion!
33:51 Balls on, children! The meal is ready!
33:55 Meanwhile...
34:16 Tell me, Centurion. I attended the Olympic Games and saw not a single one of our athletes. What is the meaning of this?
34:26 Well, Augustus Caesar... well, that is...
34:31 Yes?
34:33 They... well, no athlete made it to Olympia.
34:37 Go on.
34:40 Yes, several were injured in the arenas of Leticia, and the others sort of... lost their galley, so...
34:48 How is that possible?
34:50 The next time we will simply have the Games brought to us. It will be simpler that way.
34:56 Do we have any idea who did this?
34:59 Yes, it would appear it was the doing of two gauls and a small dog.
35:06 What?!