"It wasn't easy for me to say it or to come out. Growing up, I would think na ay hindi ko kailangan mag-out kasi I know na. ‘Yun pala, I still needed pala this validation din from my family na akala ko hindi ko naman kailangan kasi ‘di ba confident."
Halos isang dekada raw ang hinintay ni Rikki Mae Davao, panganay na anak na babae ng mga batikang artista na sina Ricky Davao at Jackie Lou Blanco bago siya tuluyang mag-out bilang lesbian.
Ang coming out story ni Rikki, ibinahagi niya kay Doc Anna sa episode na ito ng #ShareKoLang.
Halos isang dekada raw ang hinintay ni Rikki Mae Davao, panganay na anak na babae ng mga batikang artista na sina Ricky Davao at Jackie Lou Blanco bago siya tuluyang mag-out bilang lesbian.
Ang coming out story ni Rikki, ibinahagi niya kay Doc Anna sa episode na ito ng #ShareKoLang.
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NewsTranscript
00:00 Ricky May is the first daughter of Ricky Davao and Jackie Lublanco.
00:05 She's also a daddies girl.
00:07 She had her first crush when she was in grade 3, but she was with a girl.
00:13 She waited for more than a decade before she told her parents about her sexuality.
00:20 She told her coming out story to Doc Ana in this episode of Shareko Lang.
00:27 [Music]
00:33 Hello, Kapuso! I'm Doc Ana Tuazon, your storyteller and psychologist for Shareko Lang.
00:39 Today, we're joined by the proud member of the LGBTQ+ community and the daughter of veteran actors
00:48 Ricky Davao and Jackie Lublanco, Ricky May Davao,
00:54 to talk about how she came out about her sexuality and how her parents accepted it.
01:00 Hi, Ricky! Welcome to Shareko Lang.
01:03 Hello, Kapuso! Hello, Doc Ana. Thank you so much for having me today.
01:09 I'm excited to talk about this topic.
01:12 So, when did you start finding out that you have feelings for someone?
01:19 Usually, it starts with crushes, right? When did you start feeling that there's something there?
01:25 I think for me, it was in grade 3. So, that's about 9 years old.
01:33 So, in grade 3, I had a crush on my school.
01:38 Actually, growing up, I was brought to my parents' taping.
01:46 I liked the people I knew. Before, I had a crush on my kindergarten teacher, John Prats.
01:52 John Prats and Patrick Garcia. I really had a crush on them when I was young.
01:57 We used to joke with my family when I was getting older.
02:01 I said, "Camille Prats is cuter. I like Cheska Garcia more."
02:06 We used to laugh that the attraction shifted.
02:12 So, in grade 3, I think that's when I started developing a crush on the same sex.
02:19 At that time, at that young age, 9 years, how did you understand that attraction?
02:26 You said, from John Prats to Camille Prats. Did it all feel the same?
02:31 Did it all feel the same? Or, why do I have a crush on girls?
02:38 I think the feeling is the same in general.
02:42 We all know the feeling when you want to be around someone or you're really excited to be with that person.
02:48 I think the first time I felt that, "Why are people not okay with me?"
02:54 Or, "Why do they look at me differently?"
02:57 When I felt that, that was grade 3.
03:01 I felt that, "Oh, this person is different from the other."
03:08 Because at that time, my crush reciprocated.
03:11 We became friends.
03:13 Actually, there was a time when our parents called us.
03:19 Our parents met at a different house and talked about our friendship.
03:25 So, of course, we denied it.
03:28 We became friends because she grew up a bit.
03:31 But in that situation, the role of parents is really important.
03:36 Because, of course, they are the ones who set the tone.
03:40 So, there are other parents who are like, "Don't be friends with Rikki May."
03:45 But there are also others who are just normal.
03:49 So, that's when I felt the first, "Oh, there's something that's not allowed."
03:55 At that time, my parents didn't make me feel like something was wrong.
04:01 They didn't tell me, "Don't do that. Don't do that."
04:04 So, maybe that's why I became confident to just be honest or be open with who I am.
04:11 Because, to my main parent or my main role model, they didn't tell me that I was wrong.
04:18 So, yeah, grade 3. All of that, grade 3. Nine years old.
04:24 From then on, when did you first tell your parents?
04:30 Who was the first? Hadi?
04:32 My mom. My mom was the first.
04:34 I think what I said was in third year high school.
04:39 That's when I officially said, "I'm confirmed. I'm confirming it."
04:45 That's when I was in third year high school.
04:48 So, was it always that easy, Rikki?
04:51 Did your mom accept it right away from the very beginning?
04:55 Or was there, "Let's go back to the actual coming out."
04:58 No, it wasn't easy.
05:00 Yes, I'm blessed to have parents that are more understanding and did not--
05:05 They're not the type that, "Don't do that. That's wrong."
05:08 But it wasn't easy for me to say it or to come out.
05:13 And growing up, I would think, "I don't need to come out."
05:18 Because I already knew, "Why? What for?"
05:21 And then I encountered a situation where I ended up having to tell my mom.
05:28 Or coming out to her.
05:30 And then, we were talking for about 45 minutes.
05:36 And she knew I had to tell her something.
05:39 But I couldn't say it.
05:42 So, for me, there was also something happening internally that I was thinking,
05:48 "Why can't I say it? Am I ashamed? Is there something wrong? Why is it so hard for me to say it?"
05:54 So, even if I was confident growing up,
05:58 I still needed this validation from my family that I didn't need it because I was confident.
06:11 It took me an hour to finally say it.
06:13 Even my mom was like, "Ricky May, do you want me to tell you what I think you want to tell me?"
06:18 So that she would know because it was taking so long.
06:21 She was just waiting. She was ready.
06:23 I said, "No, Ma. I need to say this because if I don't, what's the point? Why can't I tell this to you?"
06:31 So, I said, "Ma, I have a girlfriend. I'm gay."
06:35 She said, "I know."
06:37 And then she cried.
06:40 She cried.
06:41 Actually, at that time, I was with my girlfriend.
06:43 My girlfriend cried at that time.
06:46 So, I also cried after that.
06:48 And then, to answer your question, was it easy?
06:52 It was not because my mom is coming from her own set of beliefs.
06:59 Especially her, she's very devout.
07:02 She's very prayerful, very godly.
07:06 And at that time, I think in her mind, she had a push and pull.
07:13 She loved her child, she loved God.
07:17 I know that she went through her own difficulty.
07:24 But in time, what I always tell people who ask me about coming out,
07:30 I always say, "The first reaction is not the last."
07:35 And you said, I'm sure you can imagine, right?
07:38 My mom has an internal struggle.
07:41 Because on one hand, how can I share, tell her this is okay?
07:46 And on the other hand, is it okay?
07:48 Is this really okay?
07:50 Actually, Doc, she told me that day, "Okay, it's alright, but don't get married to a girl."
07:57 She has that.
07:59 She set a limit.
08:01 Yes, that's her initial.
08:04 And then throughout time, her perspective changed.
08:09 How was it with dad?
08:11 And then they don't live in the same household at that point.
08:16 So it's different.
08:18 How was it with dad?
08:20 Maybe if I was in my third year with my dad.
08:23 So with my dad, it was different.
08:25 I was more shy to tell him.
08:28 But we had an instance where we fought.
08:33 Because we're both Ricky, we're both hard-headed.
08:36 I'm a daddies girl, so we're kind of the same.
08:40 So we fought and then we didn't talk.
08:45 So of course, as a child, I wrote a letter.
08:49 Because I disrespected him.
08:51 It's a separate issue that I answered back.
08:53 So I wrote in a yellow pad, "Dear Papa, the first word, I am gay.
09:00 I have always been gay and I hope you can accept me, blah, blah, blah."
09:04 And then I said, "Sorry for the other..."
09:06 You took the lead.
09:08 You took the lead.
09:10 You took care of me.
09:12 We were like, "Go big."
09:14 So I gave it to him.
09:17 My dad is the type that we don't confront each other.
09:23 Maybe he needs time to cool off first.
09:25 Because we fought that time.
09:27 So I gave it to him.
09:29 He didn't mention it.
09:30 He didn't talk about it.
09:32 Nothing.
09:34 But he didn't make me feel any...
09:36 Nothing.
09:38 He didn't say anything negative about it.
09:40 We just didn't talk about it.
09:42 So this became my style.
09:44 And for those who are not out there, if you want to adapt this,
09:47 I find that people fear those who don't know or don't understand.
09:54 Right?
09:57 So I feel that maybe my parents don't know what to say
10:02 because they don't understand.
10:04 Maybe they don't know.
10:06 So my style is to just slowly introduce different topics.
10:11 Not the one-time, big-time marriage equality,
10:15 gender discrimination.
10:17 I wanted to also...
10:20 I know that they're going through their own process.
10:22 So I also want to...
10:24 Okay, one at a time.
10:26 So my dad and I were at the bank doing errands.
10:30 We were waiting.
10:32 So the moments were very clear to me.
10:35 We were waiting for the teller.
10:37 I just wanted to tell you that I'm dating someone from the South.
10:43 Is it okay if I go there on Tuesday?
10:49 Because I'm saying goodbye to my parents.
10:52 Is it okay if I go there on Tuesday?
10:55 Because I'm saying goodbye to my parents.
10:56 Is it okay if I go there on Tuesday?
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12:53 Yeah.
12:54 That's why I try to get parents to understand.
12:57 Because sometimes they get hurt.
12:59 That they're the last one.
13:01 And I say it's not intentional in that sense.
13:06 It's just that your words, how you react, your eyebrows.
13:10 How your eyebrows move when they tell you.
13:13 It matters so much.
13:15 It can devastate their world and they don't know.
13:17 The kids don't know if they can handle that.
13:21 Yes.
13:22 Actually, we're getting...
13:24 We're getting strength from other people outside.
13:28 When we're telling the people that matter the most,
13:31 no matter what happens,
13:33 at least you know you have other support around you.
13:37 It's very crucial for parents.
13:40 Yeah. That's why I said to myself,
13:42 if I was a fairy godmother,
13:44 I wish I could wave a wand
13:46 where such that's not the fear anymore.
13:49 You know, you can be assured
13:50 that your parents will be the first ones to understand.
13:54 That's right.
13:56 Between grade 3 to 3rd year,
13:58 9 to about 15, 16 years old.
14:03 That's a long time.
14:05 You said earlier,
14:07 sometimes coming out isn't necessary.
14:09 You don't have to say it verbatim.
14:11 "Here I am."
14:13 And it doesn't mean you're hiding.
14:15 You're just yourself. You're being yourself.
14:18 That's what people think and how they understand it.
14:21 Exactly. Were you always like that since grade 3?
14:24 Or was there a part of you that you just hid it?
14:28 You just hid it?
14:30 For me,
14:32 yes and no.
14:34 It depends on who's in front of me.
14:37 So if it's friends and stuff,
14:39 nothing. Not really.
14:41 I don't say no.
14:43 But in my experience, there are a lot of rumors.
14:46 Sometimes, I have friends who aren't romantically involved.
14:51 Rumors are spreading.
14:53 So I really deny those things.
14:57 But when it comes to feeling the need to hide,
15:01 I think more towards authority figures, teachers,
15:04 or aunts.
15:06 Of course, sometimes you have aunts who
15:08 don't feel shy to ask questions.
15:10 "Do you have a tomboy?"
15:12 So you really ask them?
15:15 Growing up, I don't know.
15:16 I'm just a boy.
15:18 But my parents, they never asked directly.
15:23 So, yes.
15:25 But I definitely hide it towards elders.
15:29 Did you feel that, "Okay, I need to perform a little bit."
15:32 "I need to be a little feminine in the gatherings."
15:37 You know what?
15:39 Actually, that's one misconception that
15:43 I always bring up when I talk to
15:45 when there are conversations like this.
15:47 There's a misconception that, let's say,
15:49 lesbians need to be boyish.
15:52 Right?
15:54 But of course, being boyish or masculine
15:57 is a way that we express ourselves.
15:59 But there are a lot of gay or lesbian girls.
16:03 Or fem, if you want to call it that.
16:05 So, that's it.
16:07 In our case, it's more obvious,
16:09 quote unquote,
16:12 that if you're boyish,
16:13 you're a tomboy.
16:15 But in reality,
16:17 being gay or lesbian
16:20 comes in different sizes, looks, everything.
16:25 So, for me, growing up,
16:29 did I have to be more feminine?
16:31 Maybe, yes.
16:33 Because that's the only thing that,
16:36 "Okay, we're going to a party. What will I wear?"
16:38 "Of course, I'll wear a dress."
16:41 I think there are other options.
16:43 Because one of the things that parents often tell me,
16:47 especially parents who are not familiar with this,
16:51 and they're a little scared,
16:53 and they're worried,
16:55 they say, "What if my child gets bullied?
16:57 What if they get hurt?"
16:59 I should force them not to be LGBTQ,
17:02 not to be gay or lesbian.
17:04 It's hard, right?
17:06 If you have to change or force yourself to change.
17:10 It will have a bigger impact on a person's mental health.
17:13 And speaking of mental health,
17:16 kids and teens,
17:19 not all of them are blessed with a support system.
17:24 Even if it's just one or two,
17:27 it doesn't have to be a lot.
17:29 You just have to have that reliable set of people,
17:31 friends, or a teacher.
17:33 You know, it's a big deal if you have a teacher
17:35 who can accept you.
17:38 A society figure who completely understands and supports.
17:41 So you just need a couple of people,
17:43 not even a lot, even just your best friend.
17:45 Even if it's just one person.
17:47 It makes a big difference.
17:49 Because when kids,
17:51 not just in sexuality,
17:53 in other areas, when kids feel like they don't understand anything,
18:01 and the idea that if you feel like no one loves you for who you are,
18:08 you'll think that you're not good enough.
18:10 You're not enough.
18:12 Then it becomes like, I need to change.
18:14 And when you're alone, that's where it really comes in.
18:17 What they're saying, unfortunately,
18:19 the statistics that mental health concerns are really high,
18:24 and issues that depress,
18:26 and it's because they're alone.
18:29 So this is what I really want to say to teachers, parents,
18:33 who are in places of authority,
18:35 the one thing you want to make sure is that they don't feel alone.
18:39 You may not always understand the process because you haven't gone through the process.
18:43 This is what parenting is about.
18:45 I didn't go through this, so I don't know what stages,
18:49 what my child needs.
18:51 Even if I still don't understand,
18:53 I don't know what's happening here.
18:55 But what I know is that you shouldn't be alone.
18:59 What my mom always says is,
19:01 even if she doesn't understand,
19:04 if we're going through something for the first time,
19:07 what more our parents?
19:09 We're going through it together,
19:11 so we also have to be forgiving or understanding
19:15 that the reaction is different.
19:17 Because it's new, right?
19:19 It's something new.
19:21 But what my mom always says is,
19:23 love always comes first,
19:25 or loving your child.
19:27 Even if she doesn't understand,
19:29 her first reaction is her love for us or for me.
19:34 You said earlier,
19:36 the first reaction is not necessarily the last.
19:41 Sometimes it takes a year.
19:43 Yeah, and I think especially for young people,
19:47 sometimes, the first reaction is,
19:50 "Here it is, I'm going to disown her, we're not going to be close anymore."
19:55 "My mom will have a different opinion of me."
19:57 And I think that's such good advice.
20:00 Let's just remember,
20:02 let's not hold on to the first ever reaction.
20:06 And in fact, that's what coming out is.
20:08 It's not a one and done deal.
20:10 "Okay, I said it." And then that's it.
20:12 There's always, like with your dad, for example,
20:16 there's an actual, "I am gay, this is who I am."
20:19 And then there's the introducing the girlfriend,
20:21 that you introduced to your mom.
20:25 Yes, exactly.
20:26 You really accelerated it to your mom.
20:30 Coming out can be, not always,
20:35 but it can be an iterative process.
20:38 It means, sometimes, again and again,
20:40 a certain reminder of who I am, of who I love.
20:43 So for me, especially with Filipino families and parents,
20:48 where religion is so central,
20:52 it's not a contra.
20:54 It doesn't always contradict,
20:56 but before going to that,
20:58 it's like the idea that,
21:01 "Okay, we all have our pace."
21:03 You gave yourself time.
21:05 And sometimes, like with aunts,
21:07 "Oh, you're a Tibu?"
21:09 You insist on time for yourself.
21:11 Like, "No, I am not going to come out now."
21:13 Just because you asked me.
21:15 I'm going to protect myself,
21:18 give myself time, protected time,
21:21 to figure things out.
21:22 So, parents, let's give them time
21:26 because they were blessed.
21:28 Maybe not so much for your parents.
21:31 In a way, there is an inkling,
21:33 but it's still different when you say it.
21:35 You said it, the validation is different.
21:37 Confirmed.
21:39 It's really different.
21:41 The positive thing is that they're in an industry
21:45 that is more visible.
21:48 They have friends,
21:50 their coworkers, the staff.
21:52 The LGBT community is more visible to them.
21:56 And they tell stories,
21:58 because as actors, they tell different stories.
22:00 So, their minds are more open
22:03 in different situations.
22:05 So, maybe that's a plus.
22:07 Thank you, Shobis.
22:09 So, final message, Rikki.
22:11 Thank you so much for being so open
22:13 and sharing your story with us.
22:17 And I'm sure there are others
22:19 who are listening
22:21 because they don't know
22:23 how to go about their own coming out.
22:26 So, as a final message,
22:28 what can you say for those
22:30 who don't know how to go about it,
22:35 they're still confused.
22:37 It could be for the kids
22:39 or the people who are going to come out,
22:41 or even the parents,
22:43 maybe they received a confession.
22:46 Confession from their children.
22:48 They don't know what to do.
22:50 For the ones who are not yet out,
22:54 number one, just take your time.
22:56 There's no right time to do it.
22:59 It's at your own time.
23:01 Like what you said a while ago,
23:03 not everybody has to come out.
23:05 It's a different situation for everyone.
23:08 So, just take your time.
23:10 If you're not yet out,
23:12 or if you don't feel comfortable,
23:15 but find a community
23:17 that you can talk about it to.
23:19 Because the hardest thing is to feel alone.
23:22 And we know that you're not alone.
23:25 You have a community that's ready to
23:27 accept and talk to you about it.
23:29 And I always say,
23:31 keep your friends close.
23:34 Before you come out to your parents,
23:37 I would even suggest,
23:39 talk to your cousins,
23:41 your aunties, your uncles,
23:44 because
23:45 even if, you know,
23:47 you have to just prepare
23:49 that sometimes the reaction might not be okay.
23:51 So, it's really important,
23:53 number one,
23:55 your support system.
23:57 Even if your parents are not yet out.
23:59 And then for the parents,
24:01 it's hard.
24:04 For the parents,
24:06 I would just, I hope that
24:08 if your family or your children ever,
24:12 you know, go to you with these sensitive details,
24:14 maybe you can always
24:16 root it in love.
24:18 Right?
24:20 Even if you don't understand,
24:22 before going to the extreme,
24:24 like, "Lumayas ka,"
24:26 or things like that,
24:28 maybe we can just root it in love.
24:30 Take a pause.
24:32 Talk to other people.
24:34 Talk to a psychologist.
24:36 Go online, research.
24:38 And in general,
24:41 it's just, so
24:42 yeah, it's really a process,
24:44 I must say.
24:46 And good luck.
24:48 Good luck to the ones who are
24:50 planning to come out.
24:52 Yeah.
24:54 Thank you so much, Ricky.
24:56 I think,
24:58 it's very
25:00 sensible and compassionate advice.
25:02 Let's listen.
25:04 Let's try to understand.
25:06 Because if you're surprised,
25:08 maybe your child is scared.
25:10 And you have to also
25:11 still be a parent
25:13 in that situation.
25:15 Thank you, thank you so much, Ricky,
25:18 for spending this much time with us.
25:21 Thank you. Thank you so much.
25:24 If you have something to talk about,
25:26 just leave a comment below.
25:28 Or email us at
25:30 shairkolang@gmailnews.tv
25:32 We're also streaming
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25:37 and Google Podcasts.
25:39 Thanks for tuning in!
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