Why do we indulge in self-harm? || Acharya Prashant, with IIT Kharagpur (2021)

Acharya Prashant

Video Information: Shastra Kaumudi, 20.12.2021, Rishikesh, India  Context:  ~ Why do we indulge in self-harm? ~ Why there is so much suffering in life? ~ Do we suffer by our own choice? ~ How to avoid pain and suffering?   Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~

Transcript

00:00 Namaskar Acharya ji. I am Pramita Kastha and I am a third year undergraduate in

00:07 Geographics and Communication Engineering at IIT Kharagpur. So my question is that in spite of

00:13 being fully aware of the consequences, why do people engage in self-harming behaviour?

00:19 To be more specific, what I am asking for is that why do people disdain toxic marriages,

00:25 relationships, friendships, get into addictions, do substance abuse or do some other self-harming

00:34 activities like biting nails and pulling hair and how to get out of this once the person is aware?

00:41 See, nobody engages in self-harm knowing fully well that the action will lead to harm.

00:56 Whatever one does, one does for the sake of happiness or pleasure. That's how we are.

01:06 Okay, Sir. So I was going up with my follow up to my own question, which is that as you said

01:11 that nobody is fully aware, they are definitely doing it for some happiness,

01:16 but they must also realize that that happiness is short lived only for the time that…

01:22 Must, must and should do not work in the domain of Prakriti and body. You tell your body,

01:33 you must wake up. Does it oblige you? You know of the… Exactly, you know of the physical

01:43 tendencies, how they are. You tell your body, you must not inhale the virus along with the air.

01:52 Would it listen to you? It won't. It has its own mechanism. It operates as per its own ancient

02:03 design and we were saying that we share this design with the jungle, the bananas and the monkeys.

02:09 We are actually quite helpless when it comes to this design. It's just that there is a ray of

02:18 hope human beings have a peculiar consciousness that not only seeks liberation, but can actually

02:29 attain liberation that too within its lifespan. So, what you call as self-harm

02:42 is actually just an attempt towards liberation gone wrong. The fellow was trying something

02:52 and he thought it would work out. It didn't and when it doesn't work out, it results in harm,

02:59 that self-harm. Self-harm is not merely when you pop some toxic pills or the kind of things you

03:09 narrated, somebody is indulging in violent behavior, somebody is getting into neurotic

03:16 relationships, somebody is tolerating toxic relationships. Self-harm is not merely that.

03:21 Those are just very visible expressions of self-harm. Self-harm is when you make a bad

03:29 choice thinking it is good. Self-harm is not only when you say, oh my relationship has gone awry.

03:36 Self-harm is when you first of all enter that relationship. No? Self-harm is when your entire

03:44 concept of life is a borrowed one. Those who have realized, they have said,

03:50 self-harm is when you take birth as a deluded human being.

03:57 So, we are born greatly vulnerable to self-harm. Irrespective of what we decide,

04:08 the usual decisions that we make will be towards self-harm. It's just that sometimes the bitter

04:17 consequences of those decisions are revealed. Sometimes they remain hidden even till the

04:23 moment of death. So, we keep saying, oh I made a good decision, oh this thing has worked out for

04:27 me, oh this relationship is good, this career option has been great, oh I built a mansion,

04:32 oh I am such a successful person, oh I am respected by all and then we don't realize that

04:38 all that we have done has actually just been a very long series of steps in self-harm.

04:46 You allow your usual tendencies to dominate you and whatever you do is an act of self-harm. In fact,

04:58 acting as the conditioned ego is the fundamental act of self-harm.

05:10 Patronizing your ego, patronizing your false freedom is basic self-harm.

05:17 Saying I know what to do and I lead my life as per my terms and conditions is self-harm.

05:22 Saying oh I do not know what to do and I lead my life as per others commands that too is self-harm.

05:32 Being a slave to others opinions or advices is obviously self-harm. Being a slave to your own

05:42 thoughts and desires and feelings is self-harm even greater. So, you see that's the extent of

05:52 the disease. Whatever we do is likely to result in self-harm. Therefore, one has to tread very

06:02 cautiously and that's where wisdom literature comes in, that's where Vedanta steps in.

06:09 So, as you mentioned Acharyaji that self-harm is nothing but we are a step towards

06:20 liberation gone wrong. Yes. Who is taking this step? Is it the consciousness?

06:24 Consciousness that has yielded to the body. The steps are always taken by consciousness, always.

06:33 The actor is consciousness. The question is who is counselling that actor?

06:38 Who has that actor appointed as its chief advisor? If you appoint your body as your chief advisor,

06:48 if you appoint your conditioning, your education, your past, your experiences, your own fancies

06:57 and concepts as your advisor, then you will choose wrongly and that's self-harm.

07:11 So, it's not the consciousness then who is responsible for harming the body.

07:18 Spirituality calls it impure consciousness. Consciousness

07:25 fettered to the body is called impure consciousness or conditioned consciousness.

07:36 We all say I, right? That's consciousness. The moment you utter I, you are conscious.

07:42 The thing is what is that I wedded to? When you say I, you say I am something.

07:52 So, you have very strongly linked yourself to something. What is it that you have associated

08:02 yourself with? That's what matters in life. I am what? What are you?

08:08 Acharyaji, it is still not very clear. Like you told when consciousness is yielded to our body,

08:27 but how to be conscious about this thing that our consciousness is yielded with our body and

08:34 we are self-harming ourselves? You see, there are many, many ways.

08:39 One thing is the bodily tendencies are repetitive in nature. So, if you find yourself repeating

08:51 what you have been doing in your past and thinking that that's you, that's one strong sign

09:00 that you are in bondage, right? One. Second, the body does not know anything

09:07 of its own. It only has a conditioned structure. So, if you find yourself operating as per the

09:19 knowledge or conventions supplied by the world to you or you find yourself operating as per your

09:25 experiences or the customs of your society, that's another strong sign that you are not acting freely.

09:34 And the third symptom is quite telltale. If you find what you are doing is fundamentally the same

09:45 as what animals do, that's a strong indicator you are not free. You see, you are very interested,

09:54 let us say, in building a house for yourself. That's something even animals are very interested

10:00 in. You are very interested in territorial occupation. I want to call this room as my room

10:10 or let us say, I want to capture a certain market share, even that is territory, mental territory.

10:15 I want to capture a certain market share for my product or service.

10:19 That's something that even animals do. I want to have the best alpha male for myself.

10:27 That's something even animal females do. I want to spend my time just running after food, shelter,

10:40 pleasure, sex, that's something even animals do.

10:45 So, if you find that your urges are fundamentally the same as that of an animal,

10:52 you are most probably in bondage. If you find that your urges correspond very strongly

11:02 to what everybody else is doing or what most people are doing, chances are you are in bondage.

11:09 If you find what you are doing today is very similar to what you were doing 5 or 10 years back,

11:18 chances are you are in bondage. And there can be many, many other signs to figure out that

11:26 you are in bondage. The most important one being suffering itself. If you find that your actions

11:35 go wrong, the output is hardly what you had expected, that you are thrown into suffering

11:42 again and again, then you should realize that you are acting in an unconscious way.

11:50 Now, when you realize you are acting in unconscious way, a very, a very bad kind of

11:57 response can be to suppress your suffering and start saying I am not suffering at all.

12:02 Don't do that. If you suffer, acknowledge that you are suffering and that will

12:10 open the possibility of correction. So, there are many ways.

12:19 If you want me to add to the list, a great way is good companionship.

12:27 Be with good books, be with wise people and see how they go about their lives

12:39 and it's almost certain that you will find very striking differences

12:44 and that will tell you where your bondages lie. Because a wise man is a free man.

12:54 If your way of living, if your center of thought, if your relationship with your body and feelings

13:05 is fundamentally different from the way the wise ones have had, then it's time to

13:15 do a reality check. I am not saying that you have to blindly follow anybody, but it's a

13:27 red flag, is it not? How is it so that that person worthy of respect and love

13:35 has been operating from a center that is very different from mine?

13:40 As a young person, as an honest inquirer, you must address this question.

13:50 [Music]

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