• last year
Transcript
00:00 *Song*
00:02 Lie or die, asshole. Your choice.
00:07 Gonna need both hands to shoot that minigun.
00:10 Says who? I do stuff with one hand all the time.
00:13 Take us to the right, my newly acquired pilot. I've got some ammo to spend.
00:17 So, you say.
00:20 Spin around, flyboy, we got heat on our left.
00:28 *Gunfire*
00:31 It's so loud I can barely hear myself think!
00:36 I was thinking the same thing! What?!
00:39 We got company behind us! Make it show!
00:45 Woo! We could do this all day!
00:51 Get Shark 2 airborne now!
00:57 Shark 1 is compromised! Shark 2, blow it out of the sky!
01:01 He got a bad feeling about this!
01:05 Keep it steady, dingus!
01:08 Geez, I can fly better than that!
01:11 Hey, it gives me an idea.
01:14 No, wait!
01:16 Ha ha ha! Hell yes!
01:18 Hey, we're flying! We're flying!
01:21 We cannot fly.
01:23 Well, it is good to have dreams.
01:25 Dreams, yes. Delusions?
01:27 No!
01:29 Ha ha ha! Yeah!
01:34 You know what else is good to have?
01:36 Skills!
01:38 This might be a good time to buy some upgrades.
01:43 So, buy upgrades.
01:45 *Music*
01:49 *Music*
01:52 *Music*
01:55 *Music*
02:08 *Music*
02:13 *Music*
02:22 *Music*
02:25 *Beep*
02:36 Get your comrades fired!
02:39 The penthouse! I knew we'd make it.
02:42 Now, where is the man of the hour?
02:45 I see you, giant snake.
02:47 Where you can't get me, freak.
02:50 My panic is Deadpool-proof.
02:53 Wow, you are one lucky guy.
02:57 That would've taken most people's heads clean off.
03:00 My personal guard.
03:08 He's bigger than you, badder than you,
03:10 and he's purpose-built to eat little shit like you for breakfast.
03:14 Eat shit for breakfast?
03:16 Oh, daddy.
03:17 Look at the size of that thing. That's what she said.
03:20 I wonder if we can even carry that gun.
03:22 Only one way to find out.
03:24 Another?
03:27 Forget about it!
03:45 Remember, you have a teleporter to dodge those rocket attacks.
03:49 Ready? Fight!
04:02 *Gunfire*
04:04 Oh, that sounded like bone.
04:23 *Gunshot*
04:24 *Gunfire*
04:27 Oh, man, what is this?
04:45 Someone get up to the penthouse and kill this asshole!
04:50 *Gunfire*
04:52 And... cut!
05:04 Move it on!
05:05 *Gunfire*
05:11 *Gunfire*
05:12 I blame you, Daniel Way!
05:23 *Gunfire*
05:24 *Gunfire*
05:35 *Groans*
05:39 I aim because I care.
05:42 *Gunfire*
05:43 Excellent technology!
06:01 *Gunfire*
06:02 *Gunfire*
06:13 Can't teleport, man.
06:18 *Gunfire*
06:21 Cutting edge, awesome!
06:25 *Groans*
06:26 *Gunfire*
06:31 *Gunfire*
06:32 *Gunfire*
06:34 *Laughs*
06:36 *Groans*
06:45 *Groans*
06:47 *Gunfire*
06:49 *Gunfire*
06:52 *Laughs*
06:56 This panic is impenetrable!
07:00 *Gunfire*
07:01 *Laughs*
07:06 You're gonna wanna have stock if they close that.
07:08 Oh, we need a vacation!
07:10 I don't know what you're after, you masked freak.
07:13 But you'll never get to me while I'm in this panic room!
07:16 I'd like to test that theory.
07:18 Hmm, how much C4 is this gonna take?
07:21 It's no more than 20 ounces.
07:23 What? Oh, I hate the metric system!
07:25 How much in American?!
07:27 Let's see, carry the seven...
07:29 Dude, fuck math! Just use all of it!
07:32 *Gunfire*
07:35 Oh yeah! That was awesome!
07:40 Told you, 20 ounces.
07:42 That was pretty sweet, though.
07:44 How's that for impenetrable, asshole?
07:47 Therefore, we still need him alive.
07:49 Exactly how alive are we talking?
07:52 *Grunts*
07:54 *Groans*
07:55 *Grunts*
08:01 Shoryuken!
08:03 *Screams*
08:06 You're insane!
08:08 Not as insane as you think!
08:10 Ark-Life?
08:20 Go! I'll hold him off!
08:24 Wait, what?
08:25 Oh, D-List villains!
08:27 Hey, Ark-Life!
08:36 Looking good, babe!
08:38 You been working out?
08:41 Your pecs, I mean breasts...
08:44 Your chesties look unbelievable!
08:48 That's my privilege.
08:49 I can help you get off that villain D-List if you...
08:51 Kill this pansy!
08:52 Okay, she-man, we'll talk about your D-List pecs later.
08:55 I'm gonna beat you down!
08:58 I don't think so!
08:59 Get in there, you idiots!
09:08 I'm bringing him down!
09:16 What's the matter, buddy?
09:21 Look, Alina, these claws are so useless!
09:23 It's like badass!
09:25 Oh joy! Bullets!
09:34 Nope, not again!
09:38 Suck it, gravity!
09:45 No!
09:46 Pickety!
09:52 What are you doing? Kill him!
09:58 My turn!
10:14 What do you think? Sharp, right?
10:16 Suck it, gravity!
10:30 Missed defense!
10:36 Don't be a dick!
10:37 You're gonna wanna have a doctor take a look at that!
10:51 What's wrong?
10:52 I've got a blood clot in my arm!
10:54 I'm gonna have to get you a doctor!
10:56 I'm gonna have to get you a doctor!
10:58 I'm gonna have to get you a doctor!
11:00 I'm gonna have to get you a doctor!
11:02 I'm gonna have to get you a doctor!
11:04 I'm gonna have to get you a doctor!
11:06 I'm gonna have to get you a doctor!
11:08 What do you think?
11:21 Think you're clever? Think you're cool?
11:23 You ain't the only one with power, little geek!
11:26 Now that's impressive!
11:31 Get that champ white!
11:32 You're gonna wanna have a doctor look at that!
11:38 What's wrong?
11:39 Does this tube have an end?
11:49 Are you blind?
11:52 Yup! How you getting?
11:54 I don't think so! No more bullets!
11:57 Are we gonna end up in China?
11:59 Are we gonna end up in China?
12:05 Take this!
12:14 Take this!
12:15 Holy fat!
12:32 Take that!
12:34 I need cool down!
12:35 Ready for a knockout?
12:49 Come on, baby! We can still work this out!
12:53 You disgust me!
12:55 You disgust me!
12:56 Hey, hot tits! The pipe I was offering gives way more pleasure!
13:15 Oh, come on!
13:22 Hello?
13:23 What kind of...
13:24 Nah, please take it!
13:25 Yeah, I'll just hang here for a while!
13:27 Feels fine! With the pipe and all!
13:30 Dick!
13:31 What kind of gamer are you?
13:34 Nah, I'm just kidding!
13:36 Hello?
13:38 Something, please!
13:39 Nah, please take it!
13:42 Yeah, I'll just hang here for a while!
13:44 Nah, please...
13:46 What kind of gamer are you?
13:48 Almost there!
13:50 Hey, tickles, tickles, tickles!
13:52 Let's not do that again, okay?
13:56 Hey, hey, hey!
13:58 No more sewers, High Moon!
14:00 Oh, come on, guys! Vertigo?
14:04 Could we seriously not afford better bad guys?
14:08 Ooh, vertigo!
14:10 I'm gonna get dizzy!
14:12 Ah, clearly a video game!
14:15 A power down switch!
14:17 Oh, what shall I do?
14:19 My, oh my! There must be a way to turn this on!
14:22 Maybe two switches somewhere close by?
14:25 There's one!
14:40 I don't feel so good.
14:48 The power!
14:49 God, you guys are ugly!
14:56 Going to vomit!
15:02 If I cut you, do you not bleed?
15:05 You little piece of dirt!
15:17 Ugh, boozy!
15:19 Ooh, nasty slide!
15:23 I should've used the five-item!
15:25 Who the hell were they supposed to be?
15:32 Oh, my tummy hurts!
15:36 And there's the other one!
15:44 And there's the other one!
15:46 Ugh, woozy!
15:55 Vertigo!
16:03 Got time for a hot make-out sesh?
16:05 Hey, come back, guys!
16:07 We only want to kill you a little bit!
16:12 Ugh, vertigo, not now!
16:14 Got a headache, man!
16:17 You officially have the lamest power!
16:24 I've got you!
16:30 Right where I want you!
16:33 I've got you!
16:34 Woooah!
16:44 What the...
16:46 Oh yeah!
16:48 Shh!
16:49 Yes, sinister, all my satellites are in place.
16:52 Ready for your broadcasts.
16:54 Excellent.
16:55 Ooh, Mr. Paddy Badguy.
16:57 He's a mutate like me.
16:59 He never wants to go out for beers.
17:01 He uses his genius intellect to study cloning,
17:03 and all sorts of crap that bad guys do to make armies.
17:06 He's also the boss of the Marauders,
17:08 total losers who do his evil bidding.
17:10 Evil.
17:11 Eeee-vil!
17:13 You are no longer any use to me, Bill.
17:19 But, but, but...
17:21 Shit, there goes our contract, my...
17:25 Wait, wait, wait, is that how the script goes?
17:27 Ugh, time to have a little chat with Sinister.
17:31 Hey there, Captain Stoosh.
17:33 You know, I don't appreciate you killing my target before I could.
17:36 Now I need to collect from your sorry ass.
17:40 Should I be impressed?
17:43 What the hell?
17:45 Why is this happening?
17:48 Come, Blockbuster.
17:54 Genosha awaits.
17:57 *Sinister's hands*
17:59 Gotcha!
18:01 Wait 'til Sinister gets his hands on you.
18:04 Isn't that Blockbuster?
18:06 Shit!
18:07 That's not good.
18:09 This is gonna hurt!
18:12 Sinister's got plans for you.
18:17 Hey, let me go!
18:20 Deadpool!
18:23 Looks like we got here just in the nick of time.
18:26 Here comes your trade!
18:30 Uh-oh.
18:31 Don't hit him while he's all dizzy!
18:33 What do you think?
18:35 Shock, huh?
18:36 Sending reinforcements!
18:37 Here comes the cavalry.
18:39 You like that, freak?
18:42 Watch behind you!
18:49 Nice shot!
18:50 Watch out for his charge attack!
18:53 *Sinister's hands*
18:55 Cannonball!
19:06 Cannonball coming!
19:08 Here's something for you!
19:14 Counterattack while he charges at us.
19:17 Deadpool!
19:19 Time to die!
19:21 Hit him while he's stunned!
19:23 You know, you deserve this.
19:28 That's heavy!
19:38 Blockbuster!
19:44 Come on, recharge!
19:45 I'm gonna crush you like a beer can!
19:47 You wanna plug? He's just gotta ask!
19:50 *Sinister's hands*
19:52 That's heavy!
19:57 Hey, she's dead!
20:00 Everything!
20:02 Deadpool!
20:09 Smash!
20:10 *Sinister's hands*
20:12 Don't worry, Rogue!
20:25 We've got ya!
20:26 *Sinister's hands*
20:27 Yowza!
20:40 Rogue is messed up!
20:42 She needs to absorb our healing factor through...
20:45 skin contact.
20:47 Yes!
20:48 Rogue, there's no time to explain.
20:51 But we gotta suck face like there's no tomorrow.
20:55 Oh, I'll be gentle, darling.
20:57 Hey!
21:00 Holy shit!
21:02 Is that even legal?
21:03 Rogue! Baby!
21:05 You're sucking too much of my...
21:07 Oh, my!
21:10 Now that's what I call a kiss, sugar.
21:15 Holy shit!
21:17 We're in her head now!
21:19 The girls are as firm as ever.
21:23 Ma'am, I'm a little turned on right now.
21:26 It's showtime!
21:31 Are we in her head?
21:33 Enjoy it while it lasts.
21:35 We have boobs attached to us.
21:37 Burrito!
21:38 Is that the best y'all can do?
21:41 I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
21:44 More!
21:46 More!
21:48 Ugh!
21:49 Just get on their asses!
21:58 Come on now.
21:59 Can't y'all handle little old me?
22:01 She's so hot!
22:03 Don't forget sassy.
22:05 Give me Rogue, you little bummer!
22:08 Am I too much woman for y'all?
22:15 Give up hell, Rogue!
22:17 Don't go easy on me now.
22:19 You have to look at the net!
22:23 Is that all that's left?
22:28 I'm gonna show you.
22:36 Feels so... alive!
22:44 Claw!
22:45 Don't worry, Rogue. We'll save you.
22:57 Mr. Snookums!
23:03 What are you...
23:12 Die!
23:13 Deadpool!
23:24 Vertigo!
23:27 Arclight!
23:29 Blockbuster!
23:31 Hey, didn't we kill those guys?
23:33 Must have been more clones.
23:35 Whatever!
23:38 These clones are gonna get...
23:40 Oh! At least the new Blockbuster smells better, though.
23:44 Yoink!
23:47 Nope! Try again!
24:07 Now, that's exactly what we hit back!
24:10 Gotta catch 'em all!
24:19 Come here!
24:35 You're next, Sasa!
24:36 Like a bear cat!
24:52 Remember, I'm gonna break a few of your bones!
24:54 You lost him, you little...
25:05 Ha ha ha ha!
25:07 What's the matter, buddy?
25:08 You look a little, uh... what's the word I'm looking for?
25:11 I'm so excited!
25:12 Die!
25:13 You can do better than that!
25:37 Come here!
25:38 You're gonna get it!
25:40 What do you think? Sharp, right?
25:57 Woo hoo!
26:01 Die!
26:02 You are undead!
26:16 You're all gonna bleed to death!
26:29 Catch!
26:30 Ha ha! You're gonna wanna have a die!
26:38 No!
26:39 I've got something for you!
26:44 Not like this!
26:47 Not like this!
26:49 Oh joy! Bullets!
26:58 Hey, no fair! He outweighs me by like 700 fucking percent!
27:02 You're gonna take it!
27:03 I'm gonna kill you!
27:27 Die!
27:28 Die!
27:37 I am shooting you!
27:40 No!
27:41 Two extra slices for just 9.99!
28:07 Die!
28:08 I'm gonna pound the hell out of you!
28:13 Oh ho!
28:16 Tiny!
28:17 Oh, nasty slice! Should've used the 5-iron!
28:22 Slice 'em!
28:29 Die!
28:57 Must I do everything myself?
28:59 What the?
29:01 Who are you supposed to be?
29:13 You wreck all the machines!
29:25 No!
29:26 Obliterate him!
29:28 What do you think? Sharp, right?
29:32 What?
29:35 You!
29:50 Cut it, Gadget! I'm awesome!
29:53 Oh!
29:54 Little pricks!
30:06 I almost feel bad for you!
30:10 Take cooldown!
30:15 Cha-ching!
30:22 Die!
30:23 Have you got a healing package?
30:31 No!
30:40 No!
30:41 Oh ho!
30:42 You're getting freaky!
30:54 Will be no match for you!
30:57 Outgoing!
31:05 Die!
31:06 Obliterate this abomination!
31:20 Die!
31:21 Fussy!
31:36 Come on, you stupid tiny!
31:48 Come on!
31:49 Right.
31:53 I shall witness your demise!
31:59 I have to do this.
32:09 Hey, maybe do it slower next time!
32:11 Die, you little...
32:12 Die, you little...
32:25 Deadpool...
32:31 I'm Wade Wilson, and I approve this message!
32:34 Oh!
32:35 Now would be a good time to do something awesome!
32:50 Get your booty on the dance floor!
33:03 Second round!
33:04 You will be no match!
33:11 Two extra slices for just $9.99!
33:15 Excellent.
33:18 Die!
33:19 Die again!
33:34 Die again!
33:35 Enough!
33:48 Deadpool, you are a repugnant!
33:50 Revolting!
33:53 Disgusting abomination!
33:57 With no place in this world!
34:00 Well, here we are!
34:02 The moment of truth!
34:03 Can you believe it?
34:04 You know, I wasn't sure how you do, but...
34:06 Gotta say, you crushed it!
34:09 Well, we crushed it.
34:10 We make an amazing team!
34:12 Jeerly brings us to tears.
34:14 We should do this more often!
34:16 We thought it'd be better for the game if we did it this way.
34:19 You know, giving you the glory after we did all the work.
34:22 Just push your button to execute our super awesome amazing plan.
34:26 Sinister is standing right on the...
34:30 Shut up, stupid!
34:32 Don't spoil it.
34:33 Go ahead, player.
34:35 Whenever you're ready.
34:37 Just push the button.
34:40 Oh, did you want to go make a sandwich while the master villain stands behind me ready to strike?
34:46 Oh, I'll go right ahead.
34:48 We'll wait.
34:49 I know it can be hard to execute a long string of button presses like this one, but you can do it.
34:55 We believe in you.
34:56 Still here, FYI.
35:01 Come on, player.
35:02 Come on!
35:03 We've climbed the mountaintop together.
35:05 Don't give up now!
35:06 This totally reminds me of that one time with those other dudes when we totally did that one thing and everyone busted up laughing because what's-his-name fell over into that other guy, and we were all like, "Push the damn button!"
35:22 Push the damn button!
35:23 Hands on the controller, shaking fingers poised over the button, each tip glistening with sweat and quivering in anticipation of the moment in which you...
35:41 Push the button!
35:46 [Screaming]
35:48 Wait, that was the real Sinister, right?
35:56 Seriously, bro credit. We're done here!
36:03 Woo!