Never mind getting kicked when you're down, how about getting your finger ripped off when you're up...
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00:00 Pride comes before a fall, we're frequently told, and at no time is a footballer more
00:08 proud than when he or she has just scored a goal.
00:10 Now I could spin out something incredibly poetic for you by way of an introduction here,
00:14 but I'm not going to.
00:16 This is just a video of footballers celebrating scoring a goal, and then things going immediately,
00:21 comically wrong for them.
00:23 So put your feet up for a few minutes and have yourself a nice steaming hot cup of schordenfreude.
00:27 Number 10, Carlos Tevez vs River Plate.
00:30 After notching a crucial goal in Boca Juniors' Copa Libertadores clash with arch-rivals River
00:34 Plate in 2004, Carlos Tevez did what anyone would do in that situation.
00:39 He ripped off his shirt and flapped around dementedly performing a chicken dance in front
00:43 of his teammates.
00:44 The reason?
00:45 Well, Boca fans refer to River Plate players as "galinas", or chickens as you call them,
00:51 claiming their rivals lack guts and fighting spirit.
00:53 The distinctly unimpressed referee deemed the celebration inflammatory and immediately
00:58 red-carded a crestfallen Tevez.
01:00 However, the best bit of this by a mile is the fact that to explain his decision, the
01:04 referee was forced to then recreate the little chicken dance, and well, that's just brilliant.
01:10 Number 9, Robbie Fowler vs Everton.
01:12 Any um, any kids watching this?
01:14 Yeah, okay, well if this doesn't make sense, go ask your parents and enjoy their faces.
01:19 Relentlessly taunted by Everton fans who alleged he was fond of the uh, the old Bolivian marching
01:25 powder in his spare time, Liverpool striker Fowler celebrated scoring against them by
01:31 getting down on all fours and pretending to hoover a line of cocaine off the touchline.
01:36 Boy, the 90s were a time, weren't they?
01:39 Teammate Steve McManaman quickly pulled him to his feet, but the damage was already done.
01:43 And I mean, fair play to manager Gerard Houllier here who genuinely tried to cover for Fowler
01:47 by saying he was "merely imitating a cow eating grass".
01:51 Astonishingly, the authorities didn't buy that and banned him for four games.
01:55 Number 8, Nikolaj Müller Augsburg.
01:57 In 2017, the Hamburg winger was enjoying a dream start to life in the Bundesliga.
02:02 He just scored a goal in the eighth minute to put his side 1-0 up at Augsburg, but mere
02:07 seconds later, managed to rule himself out of action for seven months.
02:11 How, you ask?
02:12 Why, after rupturing his anterior cruciate ligament, celebrating a goal, of course!
02:17 How else?
02:18 Having volleyed home the only goal of the game, the 29-year-old insisted on performing
02:21 a frankly ludicrous series of balletic pirouettes.
02:25 As he landed following the final twist, Müller fell to the ground in agony.
02:29 Now, look, I don't like laughing at an actual injury here, that must suck, but spinning
02:33 around like that while wearing boots designed to stick in the ground had "explosive knee
02:38 injury" written all over it.
02:40 "Next time, I'll probably just shake the guy's hands," he said ruefully afterwards.
02:44 Number 7, Edison Cavani vs. Lahn.
02:47 Yeah, so the big lad here was one of three players to be sent off in PSG's 3-1 win over
02:51 Lahn in 2014.
02:53 He was first booked for celebrating his goal in front of their raucous fans with his trademark
02:57 "gun/arrow thing" celebration, before then receiving a second yellow for remonstrating
03:02 about it with the referee.
03:03 I mean, yeah, okay, I'm sure there's something objectionable about it, but he'd been doing
03:07 that celebration for years and has continued to do so for years afterwards, so you can
03:12 sort of understand why he found that booking to be stupid in the extreme.
03:16 Still though, wasn't the referee's only contribution to the game, managing to completely
03:19 lose his handle on an ill-tempered encounter and send off two Lahn players on top of this.
03:23 Refs, eh?
03:24 Number 6, Diogo vs. FC Schaffhausen.
03:27 Really funny this one, as he didn't even score the goal.
03:29 In December 2004, this man, Diogo, laid on a little assist for Jean Bauterjour in the
03:35 87th minute.
03:36 Gleeful at his contribution, he then jumped onto the metal fence separating fans from
03:40 pitch.
03:41 "Hurrah!" they shouted at first.
03:42 "Oh God, oh God, no, that's disgusting!"
03:45 they shouted after.
03:46 You see, his wedding ring got caught in the barrier and, as he jumped off the fence, most
03:51 of his finger stayed with the ring.
03:55 And not on his hand.
03:57 "No!
03:58 God!
03:59 No!
04:00 God!
04:01 Please, no!
04:02 No!
04:03 No!
04:04 No!"
04:05 To rub salt in the wound, not literally mercifully, referee Florian Etta then penalised him with
04:10 a yellow card for excessive time-wasting.
04:13 Rules are rules, I suppose, but said time-wasting was because he was busy helping stewards search
04:18 for his severed finger.
04:21 And hey, while you're here, if this sort of footballing nonsense is your sort of thing,
04:24 then why don't you nip down there and hit the old subscribe button for us?
04:27 We're putting out both insightful and irreverent football content every single week here at
04:31 442, and would dearly, honestly, truly love to have you along for the ride.
04:35 Anyway, number 5, Samir Nasri vs England.
04:38 After Samir Nasri drilled a shot past Joe Hart during France's clash with England at
04:41 Euro 2012, he ran towards the press box with his finger on his lips.
04:46 It was a non-too-subtle dig aimed at French journalists, whom Nasri believed had been
04:50 overly critical of him in the preceding months.
04:53 And of course, rather than forcing them to take stock and wonder if maybe they've been
04:57 too harsh on him, the inflammatory gesture simply made things a lot worse.
05:02 After France lost to Spain in the quarter-finals, one French journalist hit him with a tough
05:05 question, to which Nasri responded, "You're looking for s***.
05:09 You're looking for trouble."
05:11 He then called the writer a "son of a b***h" and controversially quit international football
05:15 at just 27.
05:16 Told you.
05:17 Number 4, Kevin Londono vs Santa Fe.
05:19 With Jaguar's 1-0 up at Santa Fe in a Colombian top-flight contest in 2017, Kevin Londono
05:25 doubled his side's lead in the 71st minute.
05:28 The goal was of high quality, but the celebration topped it.
05:31 The 23-year-old laid down on a sponsor's mat by the goal and, in double-quick time,
05:36 rolled himself up in it.
05:38 The referee, very unimpressed by this, promptly punished him for the frippery.
05:42 Again, right, if you were one of our younger viewers and you're looking at this thinking,
05:45 "What's the deal here?
05:47 What's going on?
05:48 Is this about sleeping bags?
05:49 Does this guy love burritos?"
05:50 Then, look, I understand your confusion, but this is one for your parents.
05:55 This, not me, I'm afraid.
05:56 Oh, and if you do end up asking them about it, just don't mention it was a 442 video.
06:01 Okay?
06:02 Say it was on TikTok or something.
06:03 Number 3, Matt Ritchie vs Chelsea.
06:05 Look, right, you just hear the edited version of these videos, okay?
06:09 You have no idea how many takes this took me to get through without laughing.
06:13 You see, I was at this game and was sitting close enough to spot the aftermath.
06:19 Long story short, Matt Ritchie hates corner flags.
06:22 Dunno if it was something in his childhood, dunno if a fortune teller told him one would
06:26 ultimately be his undoing and he just doesn't like taking chances, but he just, he hates
06:30 them.
06:31 When Isaac Hayden got a late improbable winner against Chelsea at St James' Park, he joined
06:36 the celebrations by booting the nearest one as hard as he could.
06:39 I will need a scientist to explain precisely how what followed was possible, but it spun
06:43 360 degrees into the crowd and arrived perfectly horizontally, see I can't do it, into this
06:51 man's unprotected cock and balls.
06:54 If he'd pulled it out the ground and javelined it, he couldn't have got the poor bloke
06:59 any more flush in the dingle.
07:01 2.
07:02 Thierry Henry vs Chelsea
07:03 I've never actually had it confirmed either way if Henry was trying to mimic former Manchester
07:07 United forward Lee Sharpe's Elvis celebration here, but in my headcanon, that's what it
07:11 was.
07:12 Anyway, after scoring against Chelsea one time, he grabbed a corner flag and used it as a
07:15 mic stand.
07:17 How cool, how suave, how hilarious that it then snapped back upright and smacked him
07:21 full in the face.
07:22 Forced to miss the restart, Henry required medical attention in order to regain his customary
07:26 va-va-voom butt, and I mean as we've just seen my friends, the face is absolutely not
07:31 the worst place a corner flag can get you.
07:34 And I'm just so sorry to that guy, but can we just see that again with the noise please?
07:38 Brilliant.
07:39 1.
07:40 Anderson Lopez vs Esposito
07:41 Given some of the big names on this list, you just know that if someone you've never
07:46 heard of is in the number one spot, then it's going to be good, so yeah, watch this.
07:51 Brazilian striker Anderson Lopez bags a massive goal in the J League for his side, Consolidol,
07:57 in their opening match of the season.
07:59 Wanting to celebrate with the fans, because I mean who wouldn't, he excitedly jumps
08:02 over the nearest advertising hoarding, only to realise there is an incredibly steep drop
08:08 on the other side.
08:09 Now what I personally really like about this is that from every single camera angle, he
08:13 just completely vanishes down the other side, as if it's a yawning hole in the centre
08:18 of the earth.
08:24 And if we just freeze it, here you can see the exact moment he realises precisely what
08:28 he's done.
08:29 Now look, don't worry, he wasn't badly hurt, but landing in a 10 foot drop onto concrete
08:33 in football boots must absolutely knack.
08:37 And that's it, that's the video, thank you so very much for watching and making it
08:41 all the way till the end.
08:42 Somebody's keen.
08:43 While you're here, please do consider subscribing to the 442 YouTube channel, we've got loads
08:46 of awesome football content dropping all through the week, as well as an amazing library of
08:51 documentaries, player interviews and performance guides as well.
08:54 Until next time though, thank you once again for watching, I do hope you enjoy yourself
08:58 and I'll see you soon.
08:59 Goodbye!
08:59 Goodbye!