My Morally Questionable Sister
My Morally Questionable Sister
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00 the plushies. Click the link below to check it out.
00:02 Hey Bryson, lay down on the ground.
00:05 Why?
00:05 Just do it.
00:06 Okay!
00:07 *sounds of Bryson falling*
00:09 *sounds of Bryson falling*
00:11 *sounds of Bryson falling*
00:13 *sounds of Bryson falling*
00:15 I'm gonna pee! I'm gonna pee! I'm gonna pee!
00:17 Hi, I'm Bryson, and I've made several videos about my siblings, but there's one that I've yet to tell you about.
00:24 The oldest sibling, my only sister, Brittany.
00:28 By the way, that intro skit was a true story. She actually did that to me.
00:32 But to be honest, looking at the whole picture, Brittany was the sibling that was nicest to me growing up.
00:37 I mean, she's 10 years older than me, so it kinda makes sense.
00:40 Why would a 15 year old have beef with a 5 year old?
00:42 *ding ding ding*
00:44 She even gave me a nickname when I was born.
00:48 Precious.
00:49 I would tell you what nicknames my brothers call me, but I don't wanna get demonetized.
00:53 She was the nicest to me as a kid, but that's probably just because the bar was set so low by Brody and Brayden.
01:00 She was the only one who wasn't massively disappointed when I was born.
01:04 Seriously, my brothers wanted another sister, and my parents wanted it to be a surprise.
01:08 When Brody and Brayden came in to meet me and learned I was a boy, they were crushed.
01:13 You think I'm joking, but I have proof. Look.
01:16 Oh my goodness.
01:18 Come here, what do we have?
01:20 Brayden, Brody.
01:22 Hi.
01:24 Hi.
01:26 Look who we have.
01:28 Does he wanna say hi to us?
01:30 He's sleeping. Guess what kind of baby it is.
01:32 It's a boy baby.
01:36 A boy, just like you guys.
01:40 Are you surprised?
01:42 He's a boy.
01:44 He's just like you. He's a boy.
01:46 You've got a brother.
01:50 Do you want to tie for a sister?
01:52 Come on, buddy.
01:54 This isn't a sister. Your sister's right there.
01:56 I was a disappointment from day one.
02:00 Did you see how destroyed Brody was?
02:02 And Brayden went to say hi to Brittany instead of me.
02:04 Like, excuse me?
02:06 I just barely entered the earth from heaven.
02:08 I was expecting a warmer welcome than this.
02:10 Look at my mom's baby announcement she sent out.
02:12 It's another boy.
02:14 What did I do to deserve this?
02:16 I'm so sorry.
02:18 I inconvenienced you all so much by being born.
02:20 Anyway, let's start off with a classic family story.
02:22 I had just been given a new big boy bike.
02:24 A significant upgrade from my little fixed gear baby bike.
02:26 I took it to the top of the hill by our house and rode down.
02:28 It was so fast and exhilarating.
02:30 I turned into our driveway toward our parking bay
02:32 and tried braking by pedaling backwards
02:34 because that's how my little bike worked.
02:36 But this was a big boy bike.
02:38 Pedaling backwards did nothing.
02:40 It was too little.
02:42 I was so disappointed.
02:44 I was so disappointed.
02:46 Pedaling backwards did nothing.
02:48 It was too late.
02:50 (gunshots)
02:52 (laughing)
02:54 I'm gonna pee.
02:56 I'm gonna pee.
02:58 Britney's first reaction to other people getting hurt
03:00 is to laugh hysterically and try not to pee.
03:02 I think it's because she's been desensitized to pain
03:04 from watching all those true crime documentaries.
03:06 Her arms were cut off.
03:08 Her legs were cut off.
03:10 Her ears were cut off.
03:12 Her tongue was cut off.
03:14 Her nose was cut off.
03:16 Her eyeballs were plucked out.
03:18 But regardless of her obsession with murder,
03:20 she was very sweet to little old me
03:22 and I'll always remember her taking me to Chuck E. Cheese
03:24 and playing Deal or No Deal together.
03:26 I still remember our winning strategy.
03:28 (phone ringing)
03:30 That's the bank. No deal.
03:32 (phone ringing)
03:34 That's the bank. No deal.
03:36 (phone ringing)
03:38 Now, let's open your case.
03:40 (door creaks)
03:42 (crowd cheering)
03:44 (crowd cheering)
03:46 You win.
03:48 Although she wasn't always so nice to me,
03:50 one time when I was very young,
03:52 we were moving into a new house
03:54 and little me wanted to wear a paint lid as a hat.
03:56 When the paint lid would fall,
03:58 I would cry.
04:00 Britney kept coming back to put it back on my head to comfort me,
04:02 but it kept falling off and I kept crying.
04:04 So obviously,
04:06 she glued the paint lid to my head.
04:08 Mom had to shave my head in order to get the lid off.
04:10 My hair was ruined.
04:12 This is my bread and butter.
04:14 I can't have you messing up my bread and butter, dude.
04:16 Anyway, eventually, Britney started dating
04:18 and she brings this guy home.
04:20 I was maybe seven and we were chilling on the bean bag
04:22 and playing phone games when all of a sudden,
04:24 the guy says,
04:26 "It's like, really awkward that your little brother is here."
04:28 Like, excuse me?
04:30 This is my house.
04:32 It's really awkward that you're here, chump.
04:34 Eww, I want an empty room
04:36 so that we can get to the kissing part of the night
04:38 even though it's our first date.
04:40 That's mighty presumptuous of you, forehead.
04:42 Britney, this guy's no good for you.
04:44 Kick him to the curb.
04:46 I didn't really say that, but I thunk it.
04:48 Anyway, she dumped him.
04:50 Then her next boyfriend was Kyle.
04:52 One time, he was babysitting me and I made him watch Danny Phantom
04:54 with me all day.
04:56 I also remember showing up at his house one time,
04:58 inviting myself in, and playing a skateboarding game with him.
05:00 Then he gave me a toy car
05:02 and that was enough for him to get my blessing
05:04 to marry Britney.
05:06 Anyway, they're married now, just like all my other older siblings.
05:08 Flash forward. I was in high school
05:12 and Britney and Kyle were living in Mom's basement.
05:14 One night, we heard Britney and Kyle yelling
05:16 downstairs and I got a half-hour
05:18 lecture from my parents about how hard
05:20 marriage is. I mentioned it to them the
05:22 following day and they said, "Oh, we were
05:24 just watching a hockey game and we were excited."
05:26 And I was like, "Well, then I got a big
05:28 lecture about nothing!" During this
05:30 time, Britney had to stop by a car
05:32 shop with me in the car. She asked
05:34 if I could run in and grab some stuff for her car.
05:36 "Hey Bryson, I need you to go in the
05:38 store and ask for blinker fluid.
05:40 I'm out." "Okay."
05:42 Do you guys
05:44 have blinker fluid? "What fluid?"
05:46 Blinker fluid. "Someone's pulling
05:48 your leg, young man. Blinker fluid
05:50 isn't a thing." "What?" Let me
05:52 go ask my sister.
05:54 *laughs*
05:56 I'm gonna pee! I'm gonna pee!
05:58 She pranked me! But then, I
06:00 pranked her back by making a video about it
06:02 and monetizing it. So, who
06:04 really won? Now, while living
06:06 together, Mom and Britney had a few
06:08 arguments. I don't even remember what
06:10 the arguments were about. But eventually,
06:12 after an argument escalated for a
06:14 while, it would get to the point where they would
06:16 stop trying to resolve it and
06:18 instead, just try to deal as much
06:20 emotional damage as possible.
06:22 And this was my favorite one. I was chilling
06:24 in Mom's room. Britney came in and
06:26 they started rehashing an argument from earlier
06:28 that day. It escalated and they yelled
06:30 for a while, then Britney stormed off.
06:32 And as she did, Mom said,
06:34 "Did I ruffle a feather?"
06:36 *farting*
06:38 "You don't say that disrespectful sh*t to
06:40 any of your other kids and I won't stand for it!
06:42 *screams* So, that was
06:44 fun. Don't worry, Mom and Britney are all
06:46 good now. But, in retrospect,
06:48 I would say yes. Mom did
06:50 indeed ruffle a feather. Now, it's time
06:52 to talk about Britney's kids. My nephews,
06:54 Hank, Brock, and Jack.
06:56 I love my nephews. They're huge
06:58 improvements from the source material.
07:00 Anyways, I take being the favorite uncle
07:02 very seriously. Piggyback rides,
07:04 puzzles, and stuffed animals galore.
07:06 I also teach them valuable life
07:08 lessons. What do we do when someone
07:10 is mean to us? That's
07:12 right! Violence!
07:14 Can you say violence?
07:16 *kids* Violence! Good!
07:18 Be resourceful about it too. Throw rocks,
07:20 bite people, push them down the stairs,
07:22 all that good stuff. *kids* Okay!
07:24 But for real, I do try to influence them
07:26 positively in whatever way I can.
07:28 Bad! *kids* Bad!
07:30 Good! *kids* Good!
07:32 Uncle Bryson,
07:34 are we getting paid for this?
07:36 *laughs* No!
07:38 I'm a voice actor and voice actors
07:40 get paid. *voice actor* No! No money
07:42 for you! You know what? I'm calling
07:44 my agent. Yeah, right, like you have an
07:46 agent. Dad! What's wrong, buddy?
07:48 He's not paying me. That's, that's
07:50 a lie. He's, he's
07:52 lying. He won't pay me!
07:54 *punching sounds*
07:56 Here's a funny story for each
07:58 of the boys. One time, I tied a
08:00 laundry basket behind this little go-cart
08:02 thing we had, and I put Hank in it, and I would
08:04 drive him around the kitchen floor. It was
08:06 a huge hit, he loved it. I would
08:08 also do the occasional power slide,
08:10 but one time I slid
08:12 too hard and...
08:14 *car engine*
08:16 *tires screeching*
08:18 *crying*
08:20 So that was fun
08:22 to explain to Brittany. Another time,
08:24 Brittany was outside her house talking to
08:26 a friend. Brock kept coming out,
08:28 tugging on her arm, and asking for her attention.
08:30 But Brittany kept telling him to wait inside
08:32 and that she would talk to him when she was done.
08:34 Now, Brock is usually sweet,
08:36 but this brought out the sourness in him.
08:38 That's why we call him Sour Patch Kid.
08:40 You ruined the day. You neglected
08:42 me, mother. Brittany finished
08:44 talking and went to go inside,
08:46 but the door was locked. Brittany told
08:48 Brock to unlock it, but he just stared
08:50 at her, challenging her authority.
08:52 Finally, Brittany climbed through
08:54 the window and yelled, "Oh,
08:56 you'd better run!" But Brock just
08:58 stood his ground and stared at her
09:00 defiantly as she approached, as if to say,
09:02 "I do not fear you, mother.
09:04 I'll spare you what happened next."
09:06 Jack is just the cutest little sweet pea
09:08 ever, but when visiting, I
09:10 would often be holding him and...
09:12 *slurping* But what really stuck with me
09:14 was when I found him trying to eat a baby wipe.
09:16 I tried to take it from him, but
09:18 he stared at his hand and then at me,
09:20 holding tight to the wipe.
09:22 I struggled against his grip as he stared.
09:24 *deep breath* Do you feel
09:26 in touch? Finally, I
09:28 used both hands to pry his
09:30 hand open. Why did a baby have
09:32 me questioning my strength? I love
09:34 visiting and having fun with the boys.
09:36 They also watch my videos, and Hank
09:38 has some of them memorized. He can
09:40 quote them better than I can. Hey, boys,
09:42 who's your favorite uncle? Bryson.
09:44 The other uncles are crazy.
09:46 Ha ha, yes! I'm
09:48 the best guy ever. You know what?
09:50 Don't flatter yourself, pal. I'm sick
09:52 of you fishing for compliments all the time.
09:54 Stop using me as a prop
09:56 in your narcissistic
09:58 online circus. Your whole channel
10:00 is just a pathetic, thirsty
10:02 attempt to fill that gaping hole in your heart.
10:04 But guess what? No amount of
10:06 praise can fix your massive amount
10:08 of insecurity. External
10:10 validation won't fix
10:12 you. Have some self-awareness
10:14 and go to therapy or something.
10:16 You worthless little psycho.
10:18 Hank's right. Why does an adult
10:20 need compliments from small
10:22 children? You're cringy, buddy.
10:24 What? To end this video off,
10:26 I thought me and Brittany could reminisce
10:28 together about some of our other favorite memories
10:30 together. Please enjoy. Bryson and I
10:32 had very different moms growing up.
10:34 I had the mom who was on me. If I
10:36 wanted to go anywhere, it was, "Who are you going with?
10:38 What time are you going to be back? If you're not back by this time,
10:40 then this." And now, my
10:42 brothers just can do whatever they want. My mom's
10:44 tired. She told me she is just tired and
10:46 done parenting. Well, I never wanted
10:48 to leave. I just stayed home all the time. Yeah.
10:50 I've only stolen one
10:52 thing in my life, and I was about four or five
10:54 years old, and we went to a fabric store
10:56 and there was a pumpkin with gum in it. My mom
10:58 told me I couldn't have it. We got back in the car
11:00 and she looked at me in the rearview mirror with her
11:02 piercing eyes as I was chewing bubble
11:04 gum. She looked at me and said,
11:06 "Brittany, what are you chewing?" And I said,
11:08 "Gum." And she goes, "Where'd you get it?"
11:10 And I said, "This store we were just at."
11:12 She turned that car around so
11:14 quickly, marched me back into
11:16 the store, proceeded to make me tell
11:18 the cashier that I had stolen
11:20 the bubble gum. Then we left and drove next
11:22 door to the police station where she got
11:24 an officer, pulled me out of the car,
11:26 and asked them, "What happens if you steal?"
11:28 And the police officer said, "You go to jail."
11:30 And my mom turned around and looked at me and pointed
11:32 and said, "She just stole a pack of gum from the fabric
11:34 store." And I thought I was going to jail. Needless
11:36 to say, that's the first and the last time that I
11:38 stole anything.
11:40 What if the officer just arrested you on the spot?
11:42 It's like, "She's going to juvie." And mom's
11:44 like, "Wait, my lesson isn't working
11:46 the way I thought." Yeah, she's five years
11:48 old. So I actually
11:50 did end up in jail. I was a nurse in a jail.
11:52 One time I came home from a long
11:54 16-hour shift at the jail, and I'd walk
11:56 in and see Bryson sitting in the same pajamas that he'd
11:58 been in all day, slurping down a bowl of cereal.
12:00 I'd look at him with disgust and ask,
12:02 "How much money did you make today?" Let's just
12:04 say, he made a lot more than I did.
12:06 She's not salty or anything.
12:08 Well, that was fun.
12:10 In conclusion, Brittany is my
12:12 favorite sister. Wait.
12:14 Hey, hope you liked the video.
12:16 Thanks for watching. Don't forget to check out the
12:18 merch, and while you're down there, send some love to
12:20 all the amazing background artists, storyboarders,
12:22 and animators on the team. I couldn't
12:24 do it without them. And also, check out
12:26 my production manager, Nate's, new video.
12:28 It analyzes how YouTube channels gain
12:30 popularity, and the first episode's about
12:32 me. Thanks so much for watching my videos.
12:34 It means a lot. Okay. Bye