A two-scene introduction that was shown exclusively in advance of the theatrical screenings of The Day of the Doctor. | dG1fSWlpeWY1ci1XWDQ
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Short filmTranscript
00:00 Greetings, puny humans.
00:15 In advance of the anniversary "movie", the Doctor has entrusted me with briefing you
00:21 on cinema etiquette.
00:22 A wise choice.
00:24 I have invited my clone batch to this screening.
00:28 As you can see, we Sontarans are capable of exemplary levels of rapt attention.
00:34 We have been drilled in basic concentration as long as any of us can remember.
00:38 About a week, in fact.
00:40 But it has become very clear to me that your feeble human minds are not so disciplined.
00:46 See here the results of unruly viewing practices.
00:50 This insubordinate fool attempted to open a communications channel during the last screening
00:56 to his command post, codenamed "Fury 1".
01:00 Fiona?
01:01 Her name was Fiona?
01:03 Quiet, scum!
01:05 No active phones are allowed in the viewing platforms.
01:08 Switch your communication devices to silent.
01:12 And here is a victim of the primitive 3D technology we set too close to the front during an appearance
01:18 by the Doctor.
01:20 Take comfort in the fact that his gigantic chin will only be in two dimensions during
01:26 this screening.
01:28 Talking during the film is also a crime, and you must maintain a minimum volume during
01:33 the consumption of fluids and nutrition packs.
01:38 This feeble specimen proves that while cloning Sontarans is a magnificent duty, attempting
01:45 to clone a cultural broadcast with recording equipment is the greatest of all war crimes.
01:52 But that's still no excuse!
01:57 Expose this to the Briar Drills.
02:02 Despite these transgressions, there are some human habits that we Sontarans could learn
02:06 from.
02:07 I particularly approve of your human tradition of mercilessly exploding these puny corn creatures
02:14 and feasting on their popped remains.
02:18 Remember, popcorn can feel pain.
02:24 Ah, those tiny screams.
02:29 The film is starting.
02:33 I expect my clone brothers, who have travelled many light years in this privilege, will revel
02:39 in this glorious piece of Sontaran historical drama.
02:42 It's not about you.
02:45 What?
02:46 I have read the plot summary, boy!
02:48 A campaign in medieval England, an invasion of modern London, and a battle on Gallifrey.
02:53 A heroic account of the military campaigns of Commander Lynx, General Stahl, and Commander
03:00 Stahl.
03:01 It's about the Doctor.
03:03 It's about the Doctor.
03:05 Not about the Sontarans.
03:06 What?
03:07 But I invited my whole batch.
03:11 Nobody could endure a whole film about that pink weasel's antics.
03:15 The shouting, the emotions, the incomprehensible explanations.
03:22 Oh dear.
03:26 But a wise Sontaran always has another tactic up his armoured sleeve.
03:37 We will now undergo an emergency drill.
03:40 All troops prepare for an audiovisual assault featuring baffling levels of compassion and
03:46 romance, multiple doctors in all their fleshy pink horror, and irritable acts of mercy and
03:52 kindness.
03:53 For the glory of the Sontaran Empire, play the film!
04:07 Okay and cue him.
04:09 I am cuing him.
04:11 Cue him again.
04:12 Doctor!
04:13 Oh, is it me?
04:14 Yes, now.
04:15 Hello everyone!
04:16 Oh, well that is a bit disappointing.
04:17 Ah ha!
04:18 Hey!
04:19 There you are.
04:20 Oh brilliant.
04:21 Hello, welcome to the hundredth anniversary special of Doctor Who in 12D!
04:32 Hey, three?
04:35 No, really?
04:38 Oops.
04:39 In 3D!
04:40 What's good about that?
04:42 Is there a budget cut?
04:43 That is.
04:44 Sorry about that, a bit confused time travel you see.
04:48 I've just watched the hundredth anniversary special.
04:50 All 57 doctors still, you know, 3D.
04:54 That's good too.
04:55 Which reminds me, actually, time to activate your 3D spectacles.
04:59 Please prepare to initialise your facial furniture.
05:01 On the count of three.
05:02 Ready?
05:03 One, two, three.
05:04 Put them on!
05:05 Hurrah!
05:06 Now, before we enter the third dimension, which frankly is travelling slowly by my standards,
05:12 a safety check.
05:17 There are Zygons in the building.
05:18 Sorry about that, but there are.
05:20 And they're very hungry, Zygons.
05:22 Dying for a snack as some of you will be shortly if you're not quick.
05:25 Now, as you know, as all of you know, Zygons can disguise themselves as people, so we don't
05:29 know which of you are real and which of you are alien monsters dying for their dinner.
05:33 Fortunately, we've fitted out your spectacles with Zygon detectors.
05:36 Everybody turn and look at the person next to you.
05:38 Hey, hey, yes, that's right.
05:40 So stare at each other right in the spectacles.
05:42 Everybody find a staring partner now, please.
05:45 Hello, hello, it's a hungry alien emergency.
05:47 Now, to activate your Zygon detector, just close one eye, like this.
05:52 All do that now.
05:53 Great.
05:54 Now, look at the spectacles opposite you.
05:56 If one of the lenses has turned black, that person is really a Zygon and is going to eat
06:00 you at some point during the movie.
06:03 Please, don't panic.
06:07 It will only disturb everyone else and there's really nothing we can do to save you.
06:12 Okay, everybody, eyes front.
06:14 It's time to go 3D.
06:17 Brace yourselves.
06:18 Sorry, sorry, just had to take over for a moment.
06:26 Hello.
06:27 As you know, 3D can make things stick out of the screen a bit and, well, frankly, let's
06:34 be honest, the chin.
06:37 So anyway, here it comes.
06:40 Get ready to duck.
06:41 Hope that was okay.
06:47 As you probably noticed, the increased definition of 3D really makes you notice all those lines
06:51 and creases and crinkly bits and the spit when he talks, but that's just all part of
06:54 stereoscopic vision.
06:59 You might say it adds a third dimension.
07:03 Yeah.
07:05 Very nice.
07:09 Thank you.
07:12 Doctor who?
07:14 I'm not sure.
07:17 I'm not sure.