DEBORAH was born with phocomelia - a rare condition which caused her arms to be underdeveloped at birth. When she was born, her mother refused to take her home from the hospital - meaning Deborah was placed in an orphanage for the first four and a half years of her life, until she was finally adopted by an American family. After bringing her home to Washington, Deborah's adoptive family set to work on helping her find ways to be independent: "I had help getting dressed until I learned to do it myself, my sister helped me do my hair." Deborah soon developed her own technique - using her feet as hands, which has allowed her to be fiercely independent ever since: "I use my feet to open doors, reach a mug out of the cupboard, straighten my hair." But it wasn't all smooth sailing for Deborah growing up - she would often "get the comments, get the stares" from other children at school - something she still experiences to this day: "It's constant - sometimes a kid will be like, 'Ew, what's wrong with your arms?'" And Deborah was in and out of hospital as a child too, for surgeries to shave down the bones in her arms as they regularly grew out of her skin - all whilst struggling to come to terms with her birth mother's decision not to raise her: "There's times I really struggled with [the fact that] she just left me there." However, with the support of her adoptive family, Deborah grew in confidence and now has a family of her own - a loving husband, Nathan, and their son, Matthew. In 2021, Matthew introduced his mum to TikTok and Deborah began posting videos showing how she does everyday things, as simple as folding clothes or cooking a meal. Soon, the comments were flooding in - including some that were "weird" - "hundreds of comments like 'You look like a dinosaur' or 'I thought T-Rex's were extinct?'" Deborah decided it was time to hit back, posting a video wearing T-Rex arms on the end of her fingers - a video that very quickly went viral and enabled Deborah to find her voice when addressing common misconceptions: "People say what they want to say and it's up to you how you want to respond... I try to have a positive, funny outlook." And now that Deborah has built up a following online, she is determined to use her platform to ensure young people growing up with similar conditions feel represented: "Maybe one day a kid with a limb difference is going to be scrolling TikTok and be like, 'Oh, she looks like me!' Now we have a platform where we can be like, 'We're here, we're taking up space!'"
Follow Deborah on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@deborah.look.no.hands
Follow Deborah on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deborah_looknohands
Follow Deborah on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@deborah.look.no.hands
Follow Deborah on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deborah_looknohands
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FunTranscript
00:00 I was born with no arms and people have said I look like a T-Rex.
00:04 I ended up in an orphanage because my birth mother had me at the hospital and decided
00:12 to leave without me.
00:13 There's times I really struggled with.
00:15 She just left me there.
00:17 When I was four and a half, an American family adopted me.
00:20 People were usually surprised, like, "Why did you pick her?"
00:25 When I was a kid, probably around five or six, my mom probably just let me try to hold
00:32 a brush.
00:33 I'm sure I tried with my hands and pretty quickly realized that my fingers aren't strong
00:38 enough.
00:39 So, all I have is my feet.
00:41 I also use my feet to open doors, reach a mug out of the cupboard, straighten my hair.
00:47 Yeah, I mean, anything that is inconvenient to use my hands for.
00:52 Focal milia is a birth defect that causes underdeveloped limbs at birth.
00:58 Definitely presents challenges.
01:00 I have to adapt to the world and adapt to everything being made for people with hands.
01:08 And that's definitely been a journey.
01:10 Growing up, other kids obviously noticed that I look different.
01:15 Sometimes, you know, I'd get the comments, the stares.
01:20 There's definitely insecurity when, you know, like you notice people are staring at you.
01:29 It's constant.
01:30 You know, sometimes a kid will be like, "Ew, what's wrong with your arms?"
01:34 And it's like, I was born different.
01:37 I was adopted at four and a half by my parents, who are American.
01:42 My family helped me a lot growing up.
01:44 I had hope getting dressed until I learned how to do it myself.
01:49 My sister helped me do my hair.
01:51 Hey, babe.
01:52 How are ya?
01:55 I still get help when I don't need it sometimes because it's easier to have somebody just
02:01 come expedite.
02:05 So we met at church.
02:06 You know, I was there with my family.
02:08 He was there with his.
02:10 Before Nathan, I didn't really date a lot, but I felt like the guys, you know, maybe
02:16 weren't interested and I felt pretty insecure.
02:19 You know, will someone want to date someone like me?
02:22 When I was dating Nathan, it was really different than any relationships I had ever had previously.
02:28 He just genuinely respected me for who I was.
02:33 Here we are, 11 years later, married with a kid.
02:37 Okay, I'm going to get started on the lunch sandwiches.
02:42 When I found out I was expecting Matthew, it was scary.
02:53 How am I going to do this without arms?
02:55 I was scared to hold him.
02:57 You know, I had to figure out how to nurse him, change his diaper, but we figured it
03:03 out.
03:04 I kind of hugged him and lifted and that's still how I pick him up to this day.
03:10 Hey, guys.
03:11 I want to share with you one of my favorite weekend lunch ideas that we make for family
03:18 lunch.
03:19 In 2021, Matthew, he saw the TikTok app and was like, we need to start doing TikToks.
03:27 Putting myself out there was really scary, you know?
03:30 Are people going to judge me?
03:32 Are people going to be mean?
03:33 I do get weird comments and questions.
03:36 Hundreds of comments like, you look like a dinosaur.
03:39 I thought T-Rexes were extinct.
03:41 I was like, okay, okay.
03:45 So the first video I made that went viral was me wearing T-Rex fingers.
03:52 People say what they want to say and it's up to you how you want to respond.
03:56 You know what?
03:57 I feel like a lot of people on TikTok say that I look like a T-Rex.
04:03 And you know what I say?
04:10 You know, it's a choice.
04:11 You can be sad and poor me.
04:16 And I have those moments.
04:17 I'm human.
04:18 But like I try to have like a positive, funny outlook.
04:23 Hey.
04:24 Hi there.
04:25 Oh, are you guys just dating?
04:29 Yeah, come sit.
04:31 Okay.
04:32 Hi, hon.
04:33 My mom has been hugely important in my life.
04:36 She was my biggest advocate, still is, if I need it.
04:40 Hey, I brought those pictures we were talking about.
04:45 Oh, you found the photos?
04:48 This is the one they sent to us when we were planning to adopt you.
04:52 It's in the orphanage.
04:53 I ended up in an orphanage because my birth mother had me at the hospital and decided
04:58 to leave without me.
05:00 There's times I really struggled with.
05:02 She just left me there and like, you know, kind of felt sad about that.
05:08 How could you just leave?
05:09 We thought we would be a good family for her, but we were still really nervous.
05:15 I knew that there would be challenges and there were some challenges.
05:20 Between the ages of about seven and fourteen, while she was growing, her stubs would, the
05:27 bone in her stub would grow and start to poke through her skin.
05:31 So about twice a year she would have to have surgeries to file down the bones in her skin.
05:37 Like these pictures of you after surgeries, how you were still smiling.
05:42 That wasn't so often that I became friends with the nurses.
05:48 She was always such a good sport about it.
05:50 She doesn't feel sorry for herself.
05:52 Yeah.
05:53 Isn't she cute?
05:55 Did you know your mom was that cute?
05:58 She's worked hard.
06:00 She's just met many, many challenges.
06:02 I just am so grateful that she's in my life.
06:05 Awesome.
06:10 Debra is amazing.
06:12 As a wife, she's inspiring.
06:14 You know, as a mother, she's loving and caring and fun.
06:19 You know, you can't judge a book by the cover, you know?
06:24 When I look back and think how far I've come, I've adapted well to life.
06:29 And I have this beautiful family and, you know, I'm happy.
06:34 Like what more can you ask for?
06:37 I'm proud of myself for putting myself out there and being brave and kind of sharing
06:42 my story.
06:43 Growing up, there weren't people like me on TV.
06:50 You know, we weren't out and about.
06:52 And now we have a platform where we can be like, we're here.
06:56 We're taking up space.
06:58 Maybe one day a kid with a limb difference is going to be scrolling TikTok and be like,
07:03 "Oh, she looks like me."
07:05 [MUSIC]
07:11 (upbeat music)