No Hard Feelings
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00 The new house is right on the water.
00:01 Come on, dog. You know how we do.
00:03 -D&T with lime. -We're not open until noon.
00:05 -It is noon. -It's 11.57.
00:07 -Now what time is it? -11.56.
00:10 [ Clatter ]
00:12 -Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! -Good Lord!
00:14 -You need to fire her. -I can't fire her.
00:15 She has a disability.
00:16 -What? No, I don't. -You don't?
00:18 -No. -That's the reason why I hired you!
00:21 -Aah!
00:22 -I'm an Uber driver, and I don't have a car.
00:25 Come on up.
00:27 His parents said if I, quote, "date their son,"
00:29 they'd give me a Buick Greenball.
00:31 -You won't even rent your house out,
00:32 but now you're gonna rent out your badge?
00:33 -You have a Roadrunner tattoo covering your entire back.
00:36 I don't think you should tell anybody
00:37 what to do with their body. -Nope.
00:39 ♪ When I start to shake, bitch, I'll stop ♪
00:41 -I'm gonna teach you how to have fun.
00:43 -Am I allowed to be here?
00:45 -You can't be scared of everything your whole life.
00:46 Fuck! -Maddie Barker!
00:48 Your little disappearing act,
00:49 that was the best thing that ever happened to me.
00:51 -Congratulations.
00:52 Is her vagina dishwasher safe?
00:54 -She's a real person.
00:55 -What part of Russia did they ship her from?
00:57 -She's Russian? -No.
00:59 -Mm, fuck.
01:00 -♪ I'm a bitch's islet and wide ♪
01:03 -Ooh!
01:04 -♪ Are you bitches cold, hot, not tired? ♪
01:06 -You need to learn how to party.
01:07 Have you seen Percy?
01:09 Percy? Percy? Percy?
01:12 Doesn't anyone fuck anymore?
01:14 -♪ I'm a come-nighter bitch on fire ♪
01:16 -Had enough? No!
01:17 -♪ And that makes bitch your retire ♪
01:20 ♪ Fucker ♪
01:21 -Aah! -Oh, my God.
01:22 -Did you fuck him?! -Aah!
01:24 -I like your house a lot. It's cozy.
01:26 -Ooh, we should have some music.
01:27 -♪ P-1-F-R-E-A-K-S ♪
01:33 -Ow. Ow. You're a little heavy on my legs.
01:36 -Wanna switch?
01:39 -Yeah, this is good.
01:40 -♪ P-1-F-R-E-A-K-S ♪
01:45 (bell dings)