• last year
Honest Trailers - Mean Girls
Transcript
00:00 [Drum roll]
00:04 [Drum roll]
00:09 From your unproblematic fave Tina Fey
00:12 From your slightly problematic fave Tina Fey
00:15 A hundred years from now people will see my work and think, "Wow, that is actually pretty racist."
00:20 Comes a ruthless tale of pointless cruelty
00:23 Full of miserable teenagers trapped in a hell of their own creation
00:27 Basically the most honest high school movie ever made
00:30 Mean Girls
00:32 Move over breakfast club, so long clueless
00:36 And who said you could sit with us Netflix girls?
00:38 Because it's time for one of the best high school movies of the early 2000s
00:42 In fact, one of the best things from the early 2000s
00:45 But that really isn't saying much
00:47 Let's just skip the nostalgia for that decade, okay? Trust us
00:50 Back before Lohan was making reality shows, pop albums, and court appearances
00:56 And before Rachel McAdams was getting some strange
00:59 They were in Mean Girls, the funniest comedy to ever be adapted from a non-fiction parenting advice book
01:05 In this hilarious satire that can either be viewed as a plea for teen girls to be more kind to each other
01:10 Or an instruction manual for future sociopaths
01:12 It could really use an update though
01:14 Like, how do I destroy the thought of dissing my Junkoo fancam? Please advise
01:18 Welcome to one of the most racially segregated high schools in Illinois
01:22 Asian nerds, cool Asians, unfriendly black hotties
01:26 Where the popular girls are cruel
01:28 God, Karen, you are so stupid
01:30 The unpopular girls are vengeful and manipulative
01:33 We turned her best friends against her, and we gave you foot cream instead of face wash
01:37 The teachers are statutory rapists, ha ha
01:41 And the bus drivers really want to get kids to school on time
01:44 Shove it right up your hairy...
01:51 Tossed into this jungle is Katie
01:54 She's from Africa
01:55 I just moved here from Africa
01:57 Which country? You know, Africa
01:59 Shut up
02:00 She doesn't know about basic things like fashion, cliques, or African Americans
02:05 Jumbo
02:06 What?
02:07 Because she was homeschooled by the parents from Get Out
02:10 This is the fertility vase of the Ndebele tribe
02:12 I would have voted for Obama for a third term if I could
02:16 Watch Katie enlist the help of her gay best friend
02:19 And her friend who's mortified people would even think she's gay
02:22 It's not my fault you're like in love with me or something
02:24 What?
02:25 Oh no, she did not
02:26 To infiltrate the popular clique known as the Plastics
02:30 A group of Abercrombie and bitches led by Regina George
02:33 Who's so mean, you'll barely care when the heroes stoke her eating disorder
02:37 I'm only eating foods that's less than 30% calories from fat
02:39 I really want to lose 3 pounds
02:41 It's called the South Beach Fat Flush, and all you drink is cranberry juice for 72 hours
02:45 Karen Smith, the second dumbest weather reporter from a 2004 film
02:49 There's a 30% chance that it's already raining
02:53 And 38 degrees in the Middle East
02:56 And Gretchen Wieners, who ironically isn't the girl who made out with a hot dog
02:59 Made out with a hot dog? Oh my god, that was one time
03:04 Together, these Von Dutchesses will ruthlessly scheme to stay popular
03:09 In a fiendish plot to, uh, that's pretty much it
03:13 But they wrote some mean stuff in a private journal years ago, so...
03:16 Monsters!
03:17 Follow along on Katie's uncomfortably true-to-life evolution
03:21 From wholesome sober kid to out-of-control party girl
03:24 As she steals a guy so nice, he dated Regina twice
03:28 Gets a teacher arrested
03:29 You know, I bet she sells drugs on the side to pay for a pathetic divorce
03:32 And incites a riot
03:34 But it's nothing a single apology and an afternoon of trust falls can't fix
03:37 See? Now everyone is friends with everyone
03:40 Oh, it's still full of cliques, just the members changed
03:43 Well, at least they can kill the ones who get too powerful
03:45 So revisit one of the most quotable movies of all time
03:50 Girl, stop trying to make fetch happen
03:53 It's not going to happen
03:54 You go, Glen Coco
03:56 That leans on the strengths of great future stars
03:58 And just the right amount of SNL people
04:01 To anchor a film with a wise and lasting message
04:04 Math is for losers
04:06 I think I'm joining the mathletes
04:07 No
04:08 No, no
04:09 I'm not joining the mathletes
04:10 I pretended to be bad at math so that you'd help me
04:12 I didn't join those stupid mathletes
04:14 I'm a mathlete, a nerd, a nerd
04:16 You can't join mathletes, it's social suicide
04:18 Thanks, Damien
04:20 Starring
04:22 Katie Bird
04:24 Regina the Teenage B*tch
04:26 Quiz Lemon
04:28 Director of Education, Steven Poop
04:30 Wet Hot American Mother
04:32 Fetch Happens
04:34 Amanda Hug and Kiss
04:36 Leslie Kaplan
04:37 Big Gay Pal
04:39 Riverdoll
04:40 You + Me = Us
04:42 And YouTube comments
04:44 Gross, cute little b*tch
04:46 Fat virgin, dyke
04:48 White Chicks
04:50 Don Schweitzer has a huge ass?
04:54 Who would write that?
04:55 Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion, just spitballing here
04:58 I'm Mike Tython
05:00 And I approve this message
05:03 Do the oysters come with guns?
05:06 I like my eggs crunchy
05:09 His kiss still thrills me after a millennia
05:12 If loving me is wrong, you don't want to be right
05:15 (grunts)
05:17 (upbeat music)