Jake Marsh | Pardon My Take
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00:00:00 What does this mean for you and your campaign?
00:00:02 It means that I have the skills, the equipment,
00:00:05 and the manpower necessary to write, produce,
00:00:08 and edit any kind of video you can possibly imagine
00:00:12 or want to get made in any location at any time
00:00:16 and make it look professional for free.
00:00:19 Hank, how--
00:00:20 - Those are all facts.
00:00:21 - No, they are not.
00:00:23 On today's part of my take,
00:00:26 we have an incredible interview.
00:00:28 I'm giving it a must listen--
00:00:30 - For sure.
00:00:31 - To all AWLs.
00:00:32 This is a guy we've never had on,
00:00:35 who we will become, he is a recurring guest now.
00:00:37 - I think best friend too.
00:00:39 - Yeah, Dion Dawkins from the Buffalo Bills
00:00:41 had us in absolute stitches.
00:00:43 Just a hilarious, hilarious dude.
00:00:46 Great, great story.
00:00:48 So must listen for all AWLs.
00:00:51 We're gonna do the Mount Rushmore
00:00:52 of things that are not real in honor of our queen.
00:00:56 What's her name?
00:00:58 Playing girl.
00:00:58 - Barros.
00:00:59 - Gomez, what's her name?
00:01:01 Line.
00:01:02 - I'm looking it up right now.
00:01:04 Give me one second.
00:01:05 - We're gonna do things that are not real.
00:01:07 We're gonna talk a little football, some golf, some--
00:01:11 - Tiffany Gomez.
00:01:12 - Tiffany Gomez, our queen.
00:01:14 Things that are not real.
00:01:15 And then we have a review of the Baker Mayfield documentary.
00:01:19 - Johnny football documentary.
00:01:20 - Baker Mayfield is not Johnny football.
00:01:23 The Johnny football documentary.
00:01:26 Damn, that hurts for Baker Mayfield.
00:01:27 - What, all Browns quarterbacks look the same to you?
00:01:29 - Yeah, they do.
00:01:30 The Johnny football documentary at the end of the show
00:01:34 and is all brought to you by our friends at Verizon.
00:01:36 It's a takeover show by Verizon.
00:01:38 I've been a Verizon customer since I've had a cell phone.
00:01:40 - Yeah, same.
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00:01:42 This season, Verizon is making sure
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00:01:51 What's not a great plan?
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00:02:18 I'm just gonna say right now,
00:02:19 it is about to be football season.
00:02:21 If you don't know how you're watching these games,
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00:03:22 Okay, let's go.
00:03:23 (upbeat music)
00:03:26 - Welcome to part of my take.
00:03:42 Today is Monday, August 14th and football is back.
00:03:47 - So back, football season is fully back.
00:03:50 The preseason's back, time to overreact
00:03:52 to everything that we saw.
00:03:53 - Oh, I have some overreactions that I wrote down.
00:03:55 - Okay, first right off the top,
00:03:57 Stetson Bennett, future Hall of Famer.
00:03:59 - Yeah, he's part of it.
00:04:01 He looks good.
00:04:02 It actually is crazy that we're in a world
00:04:03 where I was reading an article that was like,
00:04:06 Stetson Bennett, who is set to be Matthew Stafford's backup
00:04:10 and potential heir apparent.
00:04:12 Like what?
00:04:13 Okay, let's fucking do it.
00:04:15 But before we do overreactions, PFT,
00:04:17 I know you were in Ireland.
00:04:19 - Hi.
00:04:20 - So you probably weren't able to watch all the games.
00:04:22 Let me just ask you a quick question.
00:04:24 If I told you that a quarterback, unnamed,
00:04:29 had a stat line of three for three,
00:04:31 129 yards, two touchdowns,
00:04:33 would you say that's a good day?
00:04:34 - I'd say that's a great day.
00:04:35 - That's a great day. - For Justin Fields.
00:04:36 - That's a great day.
00:04:38 - Listen, I wasn't-- - Just box score.
00:04:39 - I was in Ireland, but I did watch the clips.
00:04:41 He was throwing some fucking dimes.
00:04:44 - I am-- - Air yards traveled.
00:04:46 I love that stat.
00:04:46 - Yeah. - I think, what was it,
00:04:48 like the 60 yard touchdown pass
00:04:50 went like negative two yards in the air?
00:04:53 Doesn't matter, he threw 'em open.
00:04:54 He managed the game correctly.
00:04:56 - DJ Moore had me rock hard, I'm okay saying that.
00:04:59 Listen, I am at the point now where it is,
00:05:03 there's a line in the sand.
00:05:05 It's enough back and forth, is he the guy?
00:05:10 Justin Fields is the guy.
00:05:11 I have started hate bookmarking Justin Fields' slander
00:05:16 to come back to it later.
00:05:17 - Good, good.
00:05:18 - I, he can't, he could play a perfect game
00:05:21 and people would still nitpick him, that's fine.
00:05:24 Three for three, 129 yards, two touchdowns.
00:05:27 Yeah, I overreact, but yeah, the Bears look fucking awesome
00:05:30 and DJ Moore, you are the best ever.
00:05:33 - Are they putting too much on tape though?
00:05:35 Are they showing all the wrinkles to the offense?
00:05:37 - Three plays, that's all you need.
00:05:38 - Three plays, three for three, 129 yards.
00:05:40 - Two touchdowns. - Pretty good outing.
00:05:41 I went through the same thing with Sam Howell's outing.
00:05:44 I went back, watched the highlights.
00:05:46 - Did he go three for three, 129 yards?
00:05:47 - No, I think he went nine for 12,
00:05:49 so he had six more completions.
00:05:51 And he had one touchdown and yeah, Super Bowl.
00:05:54 - Yeah. - I'm thinking Super Bowl.
00:05:55 - It's the best time.
00:05:57 - The haters out there that are like,
00:05:58 oh, well, they're basically playing
00:06:00 like a glorified practice, don't take anything away from it.
00:06:03 Fuck you, let us be able to overreact to these things.
00:06:06 This is why I like watching preseason football
00:06:08 because you find a couple guys that you're like,
00:06:11 oh, these dudes could be guys.
00:06:14 And then you'll never hear from them again,
00:06:16 but still, we still have like three weeks of hope
00:06:18 that we get to have from these meaningless games.
00:06:21 So let me just be delusional.
00:06:22 - There's nothing worse than the guy on Twitter
00:06:25 before an NFL preseason game.
00:06:26 That's like, just a reminder, this is NFL preseason.
00:06:30 A lot of these guys might not even make the team.
00:06:33 Overreacting to a play or a clip is ridiculous.
00:06:37 How about you're fucking ridiculous
00:06:39 and I hope you get hit by a bus.
00:06:40 - Yeah. - Because I'm gonna watch
00:06:41 preseason and guess what?
00:06:43 You know what else I'm gonna do preseason?
00:06:44 Any bad play, I'm just gonna spin it to a positive play.
00:06:48 So if a team looks bad, if my team looks bad for a series,
00:06:53 I'm gonna say, yeah, it's preseason.
00:06:54 They're the third stringers, who cares?
00:06:56 If they look good, I'm like, wow, we have depth.
00:06:58 This is awesome.
00:06:59 We're the best team ever.
00:07:01 - So we can point at the stat.
00:07:02 If we end up losing, we can be like,
00:07:04 well, I think the Raiders went undefeated last year
00:07:06 in the preseason.
00:07:07 If your team wins, you're like,
00:07:08 well, the Ravens never lose preseason games.
00:07:11 The most impressive streak in sports going right now.
00:07:13 - Jake fucked up not telling us.
00:07:14 - And they're con, yeah, you did fuck up
00:07:16 with that one, Jake. - Remind us.
00:07:17 - That's a reminder. - Jake, come on.
00:07:19 - That's a fucking reminder. - Come on, Jake.
00:07:20 I wanna remind you of the depth.
00:07:21 - Take them this week.
00:07:22 - Yeah, so if your team wins, you can be like,
00:07:25 well, the Ravens, they lock it in the preseason.
00:07:27 They care about it.
00:07:28 They're usually a pretty good team.
00:07:29 So you can spin it either way that you want.
00:07:31 - That's the beauty of preseason is that you,
00:07:33 it's basically the eye of the beholder.
00:07:35 You just basically watch a game
00:07:37 and however you need to get to a point
00:07:40 where you feel confident about your team, you do that.
00:07:43 You make giant leaps in logic.
00:07:46 You nitpick, you take only the good plays.
00:07:49 You just discard the bad ones.
00:07:52 That's what preseason football is.
00:07:53 Now, the other part of preseason football
00:07:55 is watching other teams and being like, they suck.
00:07:57 So I have some hot takes.
00:08:00 Russell Wilson sucks.
00:08:01 - Well, I'm gonna disagree with you on that one.
00:08:03 He was not wearing a Gilligan hat on the sideline
00:08:06 doing interviews during the second half.
00:08:07 That's one thing that Sean Payton was looking for.
00:08:09 Absolutely no Gilligan hat.
00:08:11 I think his rules, in fact, he had a list.
00:08:14 No uniforms off after you're done playing,
00:08:17 no sunglasses, no Gilligan hats,
00:08:20 and no interviews during the game.
00:08:21 Russell Wilson checked all those off.
00:08:23 - Okay, so he might be following protocol, but he sucks.
00:08:25 - He's bad.
00:08:26 - Other hot take, Nathan Rourke is better than Dak Prescott.
00:08:30 Did you see that play?
00:08:32 - I did not see that play.
00:08:33 - Oh my God.
00:08:34 Can you send him that play?
00:08:35 - Yep.
00:08:36 - It was like the greatest play that's ever been played.
00:08:38 He's a Mack legend, CFL legend.
00:08:41 Nathan Rourke, if the Cowboys wanted to be,
00:08:43 if they were, to quote Logan Roy,
00:08:46 if they were serious people,
00:08:48 they would start Nathan Rourke week one.
00:08:51 - Let's see.
00:08:52 - Yeah.
00:08:52 - So his brother was the starting quarterback for Ohio
00:08:54 we had in bowl game, he was hurt.
00:08:56 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:08:56 No, they're Mack bread.
00:08:58 - Okay, that was a legit pass
00:08:59 by Trevor Lawrence right there.
00:09:00 That was good.
00:09:01 - Yeah, he's better.
00:09:03 Oh wait, he's not on the Cowboys.
00:09:05 He's better than Trevor Lawrence.
00:09:06 - He's better than Trevor Lawrence.
00:09:07 - That's what I meant.
00:09:08 But he also is better than Dak Prescott.
00:09:09 - Well, he's a higher number than Dak Prescott, right?
00:09:12 Congrats on saying the highest number, Logan.
00:09:13 - Yeah, I forgot it came, it went against the Cowboys.
00:09:17 Again, this has all been a blur.
00:09:19 - So I agree with you on that,
00:09:20 because Big Cat, you'll remember last year,
00:09:21 I was more of a Justin Fields guy
00:09:24 in terms of like Justin Fields versus Trevor Lawrence.
00:09:26 - Well, I was not, I was trying to play cool.
00:09:30 - Now I'm not.
00:09:30 - I think Justin Fields is better than Trevor Lawrence.
00:09:33 - He's the best quarterback in the NFL.
00:09:34 - It might be the worst take.
00:09:35 I might look back on this in two years,
00:09:36 be like, you've said a lot of dumb shit on this podcast.
00:09:39 - No, that one's not.
00:09:40 - This might be one of the dumber ones that I've said.
00:09:42 Max Duggan had a very impressive line.
00:09:45 Who are the stat lines that we always compare him to?
00:09:47 Like the crazy stat lines where it's like,
00:09:50 the Josh Rosen stat lines.
00:09:52 Max Duggan played the entire second half for the Chargers.
00:09:56 He went two for three for 19 yards.
00:09:59 Pretty good, pretty good.
00:10:00 - Did you guys see the wild stat?
00:10:02 - No.
00:10:03 - With Max Duggan and Stetson Bennett,
00:10:04 they played each other in their final college game at SoFi.
00:10:07 - Wow, that's wild.
00:10:08 - That's crazy.
00:10:09 - For his preseason game.
00:10:10 - That's very well played.
00:10:11 - Please put a note in the file
00:10:14 to fade the Chargers week one.
00:10:16 Shane's looking at me, he's very upset.
00:10:18 - They're playing the Dolphins.
00:10:19 - They're not playing any starters.
00:10:21 They're not playing any offensive starters.
00:10:24 When Julian Edelman taught us this lesson,
00:10:25 you need to play offensive starters at least a few snaps,
00:10:30 as few series.
00:10:31 - It's disgusting that the C-words are out there
00:10:33 acting like they're the vintage New England Patriots.
00:10:35 - It's crazy.
00:10:36 - Like we want to take all our guys out
00:10:38 and just give the backup guys a shot.
00:10:40 - Anthony Richardson's great by the way.
00:10:40 - If you remember how the C-words ended their last season,
00:10:43 they should be playing only starters.
00:10:45 - Correct.
00:10:46 - When I read you guys all of my week one reminders,
00:10:48 you told me to remind you to disregard all my week one.
00:10:52 - Okay, but I want--
00:10:52 - Yeah, that's the last, that's the final reminder.
00:10:54 - Jake, what I want is to know every team that doesn't,
00:10:56 or someone else can tweet me this,
00:10:59 every team that doesn't play their offensive starters
00:11:02 for at least a series in the preseason, they're out.
00:11:05 They're getting faded hard, hard.
00:11:08 Shane is looking at me just incredulous right now.
00:11:11 Anthony Richardson is good.
00:11:13 I do have a Cowboys one, a positive Cowboys one,
00:11:15 even though the third stringer for the Jaguars
00:11:18 is better than their franchise quarterback.
00:11:20 Deuce Vaughn is awesome.
00:11:22 And I love them at Kansas State.
00:11:24 Deuce Vaughn is going to win a lot of fantasy leagues.
00:11:28 - Deuce Vaughn is so sick to watch.
00:11:30 I love the clips in practice of him
00:11:31 that are basically him running in between
00:11:34 his own offensive lineman's legs.
00:11:35 He's just like when you're playing Mario Kart
00:11:38 or you're playing Super Mario Brothers
00:11:39 and you get hit by, you get hit with a feather.
00:11:42 Is that the one?
00:11:43 No, the lightning bolt.
00:11:44 Deuce Vaughn looks like he got hit by the lightning bolt.
00:11:46 And he's just like wiggling between everybody's legs.
00:11:48 - He's faster than everyone.
00:11:49 - So fast, he's awesome.
00:11:51 - Jalen Carter steal the draft.
00:11:53 I said it.
00:11:55 - Facts, always have been.
00:11:57 - I said it, he looked like he was trying and he was good.
00:12:00 Yeah, Anthony Richardson's good.
00:12:01 He ran over a guy, that was cool.
00:12:04 That means he's a franchise quarterback in my eyes.
00:12:07 Kenny Pickett might be MVP.
00:12:09 That's another one.
00:12:11 He played, Mike Tomlin said that Kenny Pickett
00:12:13 needs to play more than a seasoned vet.
00:12:15 And he was very good.
00:12:16 - He said, we need Kenny to be who we need him to be.
00:12:18 And he was who they need him to be.
00:12:20 - And he needs to play to the standard,
00:12:21 which is also the standard.
00:12:23 - Jordan Love, seven for 10.
00:12:25 - Not good.
00:12:25 - One touchdown.
00:12:26 - Not good.
00:12:27 - They spanked the bangles.
00:12:28 - I read one tweet where it said that he,
00:12:30 he missed a couple of receivers.
00:12:32 That's the only thing I'm remembering from Jordan Love.
00:12:34 - Is that one tweet?
00:12:35 - Yep.
00:12:35 And I don't even know who wrote it.
00:12:37 I just saw it and was like, yeah,
00:12:39 he did miss some receivers.
00:12:40 I didn't watch a second of the game.
00:12:42 My last one was DeMar Hamlin is alive.
00:12:44 - Is that the same DeMar Hamlin?
00:12:46 - Yep, he played.
00:12:47 - What if that's the guy that that girl
00:12:49 was yelling out on the plane?
00:12:50 - I mean, it's, we're gonna get to Tiffany Gomez,
00:12:55 our queen for our Mount Rushmore,
00:12:57 but people thinking she's a body double
00:12:59 are just telling on themselves.
00:13:00 They've never seen a woman put on makeup.
00:13:02 - You don't know.
00:13:03 - Well, women are tricky like that.
00:13:05 They can fool us pretty good.
00:13:07 Like I can look at the same woman
00:13:09 in three different States of wearing makeup,
00:13:11 hair up, hair down, different bangs,
00:13:14 and they look completely different to me.
00:13:15 - Right, but they're all the same woman.
00:13:16 - They're all the same woman technically,
00:13:18 but sometimes women be tricky.
00:13:21 - Yeah, no, and they be shopping.
00:13:23 - Females be tricky.
00:13:24 - Yeah, but it is, a woman can look different.
00:13:28 - Yes, true.
00:13:29 - So everyone's like, this is a completely different person.
00:13:33 This is bullshit.
00:13:33 It's like, well, you've never gotten laid.
00:13:36 - Arthur Smith looks awesome in his mustache.
00:13:39 The mustache is perfect.
00:13:40 - And he's jacked.
00:13:41 - Dude, he looks like you with the mustache.
00:13:43 - Oh, thank you.
00:13:44 We're both good looking guys with chins.
00:13:46 Appreciate that.
00:13:47 - I was gonna, yeah, I mean, he is still thick as cage,
00:13:49 but he is, the chins have gone away a little bit.
00:13:52 - Oh, he's gotten in shape.
00:13:53 He's lost probably, I'd say 30 pounds.
00:13:56 Best shape of his life.
00:13:57 - Yeah, best shape of his life going into this training camp.
00:13:59 I wanna see him recreating the A-Rod picture
00:14:02 where he's just kissing himself in the mirror.
00:14:03 - Yeah.
00:14:04 - That would be hot.
00:14:05 - I'd put it up in the studio.
00:14:06 Maybe you could send us a personal one.
00:14:08 - So I did not classify this as an official PFT dream bet.
00:14:11 You might recall last year on a Thursday night
00:14:13 football game, I think it was the Browns and the Steelers.
00:14:16 I dreamt that there was gonna be
00:14:17 a defensive special teams touchdown,
00:14:19 like a vivid dream, put that bet in, it hit.
00:14:22 I dreamt that the Houston, New England game
00:14:24 was going to be-
00:14:25 - Did you have another dream bet after that?
00:14:27 - No, I think I'm one and O on dream bets.
00:14:29 - Okay.
00:14:30 - And this one I said was gonna be 13-6
00:14:33 in the fourth quarter.
00:14:34 I was off, it was 13-3 in the fourth quarter.
00:14:36 Took the under, I didn't put it out there
00:14:38 as an official dream bet, but I am going to classify myself
00:14:42 as being one and O on dream bets
00:14:43 that I have not said were actual dream bets.
00:14:46 - Got it.
00:14:46 Yeah, CJ Stroud struggled a little, he's a bust.
00:14:48 - No, he's gonna be fine.
00:14:50 Stroud boys, stand back, stand by, we're gonna be fine.
00:14:53 - And Bryce Young, his touch is perfect.
00:14:56 I am in Bryce's.
00:14:57 Memes, do you, so we all walked in here,
00:15:00 it's like nine o'clock at night.
00:15:02 I got here first and I watched as everyone walked in here.
00:15:06 It was kind of like that meme,
00:15:08 the teacher walking in with the same shirt.
00:15:11 Yeah, same outfit every day.
00:15:13 Every single person walked in here and Memes goes,
00:15:15 "You see the Jets game?"
00:15:16 - Yeah.
00:15:17 - And so Memes, tell us what you saw in the Jets game.
00:15:21 'Cause you asked, like PFT got off a flight from Ireland
00:15:24 two minutes ago, you're like, "You see the Jets game?"
00:15:28 - Yeah, the defensive line is very good.
00:15:30 Will McDonald, the first round draft pick.
00:15:31 - That's what everybody was saying.
00:15:32 Will McDonald, famous Irish guy.
00:15:33 - Okay.
00:15:34 - The whole pub was cheering for him.
00:15:35 - Will McDonald, Jermaine Johnson,
00:15:37 running backs look great.
00:15:39 Zach Wilson had, he was checked down Sally,
00:15:42 but he did fine.
00:15:44 - Okay.
00:15:45 - Is that a new phrase that we're doing this year
00:15:46 for you Memes, check down Sally?
00:15:48 - Yeah, if you check the ball down, you're checked down Sally.
00:15:51 - Memes, I'm rooting for the Jets this year.
00:15:53 - I'm pumped to watch the defensive line.
00:15:55 - Okay, I like that.
00:15:57 - That's when you need,
00:15:58 that's when you know you need ball back.
00:16:00 I just wanna watch my defensive line work.
00:16:02 - Yeah, people are comparing it
00:16:03 to the New York SAC exchange, but.
00:16:05 - Oh.
00:16:06 - That's just people, people are just getting excited.
00:16:08 It's Jets Twitter, they're just getting excited.
00:16:11 - This is good Memes, I'm not gonna shame you.
00:16:13 We gave that whole speech for a reason.
00:16:15 - Yeah, no, I just need football back.
00:16:16 - It was just funny just asking everyone
00:16:18 if they'd seen the Jets game.
00:16:20 Like it was the Superbowl or something.
00:16:22 - Yeah, no, it was a really bad game too.
00:16:24 Matt Corral didn't play great, it was tough to watch.
00:16:27 - Well, he's not gonna have to play.
00:16:29 - Yeah, well you never know.
00:16:31 - You thought Matt Corral was the next in waiting?
00:16:33 - He had some draft hype going in that he got hurt.
00:16:37 - Yeah, yeah.
00:16:38 - I like James Winston.
00:16:39 - Oh, should be the starter.
00:16:41 - 92 yards, one touchdown, no interceptions,
00:16:45 121.8 passer rating.
00:16:47 I don't know how they calculate that,
00:16:48 but it sounds like that's high.
00:16:51 - Yeah, he was really good
00:16:52 and the Chiefs probably are gonna suck this year.
00:16:54 - Is there a new James Winston workout video
00:16:57 that came out or was that a recycled old one?
00:16:59 - It's recycled.
00:17:00 - Okay, 'cause I was gonna say,
00:17:01 like I can't keep track of it anymore.
00:17:03 There's some variation of like his trainer
00:17:05 with a wiffle ball bat and then James holding like a ball
00:17:08 that looks like it's filled with bees.
00:17:10 And he's just like dancing around
00:17:11 a bunch of tackling dummies.
00:17:13 - He's saying numbers, it actually is not too dissimilar
00:17:16 than the Proud Boys actual, the Nazi group
00:17:20 doing their initiation where they beat someone up
00:17:22 and they have to say cereals.
00:17:24 It's kind of similar to that.
00:17:26 It's like, I wouldn't be shocked if James
00:17:27 is just getting hit with like a pool noodle
00:17:29 while he has to name, you know, sitcom characters.
00:17:32 - Yeah, I give it till week three
00:17:34 where James Winston should be the starting quarterback.
00:17:36 I mean, I think he should be the starting quarterback now.
00:17:38 - People are saying Derek Carr got too jacked.
00:17:41 - Yeah, he does.
00:17:42 - Is that one picture of him?
00:17:42 - Well, that's kind of like, that's the Carr method.
00:17:44 Is his brother who was, that was a miss on our part.
00:17:47 We were talking about quarterbacks that were drafted highly
00:17:49 that became good, solid backups.
00:17:51 - Blaine Gabbert was the other one.
00:17:52 - Blaine Gabbert and then David Carr.
00:17:54 David Carr got jacked up because he knew that,
00:17:56 okay, I'm gonna be backing up Eli Manning in New York.
00:17:59 He's never gonna let me play.
00:18:01 So all I have to do is just do curls all day long,
00:18:04 stand on the sidelines wearing a cutoff tank top
00:18:06 and look awesome.
00:18:07 And that's kind of the path that Derek seems to be going on
00:18:10 where it's just like, okay, just get the biceps going.
00:18:12 - Yeah, too big.
00:18:13 He looks too big.
00:18:15 Okay, that was good.
00:18:17 It felt good to talk about football.
00:18:18 Can't wait to overreact to week two preseason as well.
00:18:21 - Shane Buchel, better than Patrick Mahomes.
00:18:23 - Yeah, I'd say so.
00:18:24 - Week two is--
00:18:25 - Well, did Patrick Mahomes play today?
00:18:27 - He played a little bit, yeah.
00:18:28 Two for two, 15 yards.
00:18:30 - Oh, that's not three for three, 129 yards.
00:18:32 - It's not, no.
00:18:33 Check down Sally, Patrick Mahomes.
00:18:34 - What were you gonna say, Jake?
00:18:35 - Is week two the old week three
00:18:37 where like the starters play like three quarters
00:18:39 or they don't do that anymore?
00:18:40 - We were talking about that last year
00:18:41 because I think week two should be the new week three.
00:18:45 But then week three is now the new week four.
00:18:48 - Right.
00:18:49 And week one is like nothing.
00:18:51 - Week one is the new Hall of Fame game.
00:18:52 - Hall of Fame game, yeah.
00:18:54 It's all confusing.
00:18:56 All right, other things.
00:18:58 Did you guys see Lucas Glover's swamp ass?
00:19:01 - Yeah.
00:19:02 - Yeah.
00:19:02 - I watched the playoff.
00:19:03 - He won, he won, which he deserves a lot of credit.
00:19:05 He just went back to back.
00:19:07 - It looked like he was wearing a reverse thong
00:19:09 the way that the swamp ass just showed up
00:19:11 like on the waistline and right down the butt crack.
00:19:14 - And CBS did him no favors.
00:19:16 They were like, they followed him for about 20 seconds
00:19:20 at one point, just showing his butt crack.
00:19:24 And that guy, I mean, credit to him
00:19:27 because he looked like he had the worst swamp ass
00:19:30 I've ever seen in my entire life.
00:19:31 And he won the tournament in overtime.
00:19:34 But yeah, that was something.
00:19:36 I also, I know Lucas, has he won two in a row?
00:19:39 He's won two in a row, right?
00:19:40 - I believe so, yeah.
00:19:41 - And we're going to be out there
00:19:42 at Olympic fields this weekend
00:19:44 talking to some golfers, seeing our friend Max,
00:19:46 who he had a moment where I was like,
00:19:49 ooh, here comes Max.
00:19:50 - But he's not out of it, right?
00:19:51 - No, no, but yeah, in this actual tournament,
00:19:54 he was like third and he hit a shot
00:19:56 that was a beautiful shot to possibly hit an Eagle
00:19:59 and he missed that putt.
00:20:00 But that's not, we're not going to get negative.
00:20:02 We're going to see him this week.
00:20:03 - He's still on the hunt.
00:20:05 What's Rory say that he's focused on the road to Dubai?
00:20:08 - Yeah, he wants to.
00:20:09 - That's what FedEx is on too.
00:20:10 - Yeah, the championship of the road to Dubai
00:20:12 are more important than majors to Rory.
00:20:14 But I can't get behind,
00:20:16 as much as I wanted to be a Lucas Glover guy
00:20:19 because of this swamp ass
00:20:20 and knowing like any big guy has had to deal with this,
00:20:23 any guy really having to deal with this swamp ass
00:20:25 is why you can't wear khakis or light gray
00:20:29 or light tan in the summer.
00:20:31 Lucas Glover not wearing a glove is insane.
00:20:35 - If your name's Glover.
00:20:36 - His name's Glover.
00:20:38 And I went and I looked it up
00:20:39 and he says that he actually would be a 10 handicap
00:20:41 if he wore a glove.
00:20:42 - I think Jim Nantz said that.
00:20:43 I couldn't tell if it was a joke or not.
00:20:45 - No, it was from an interview a couple of years ago.
00:20:47 He said that he can't feel the club when he wears a glove.
00:20:50 - Yeah, it's like taking a shower with raincoat on.
00:20:52 - I mean, he--
00:20:53 - You gotta have that skin on skin.
00:20:54 - He needs to wear a glove.
00:20:55 - Yeah.
00:20:56 - He's Lucas Glover.
00:20:57 - Yeah, well, I almost respect,
00:20:59 it's like when you see a defensive lineman
00:21:00 not wearing gloves.
00:21:01 It's like, this guy's kind of fucking crazy.
00:21:03 - Yeah, I don't know.
00:21:04 - Lucas probably pisses on his hands like Moises Alou.
00:21:07 - Yeah, he said that when he was coming up,
00:21:10 he would, Dick Harmon, his coach in Houston
00:21:12 would cut the fingers out for him.
00:21:14 So he would just, to keep his like palm
00:21:17 not getting ripped up.
00:21:18 - Yeah.
00:21:19 - And then he was like, I can't wear a glove.
00:21:20 Like I can't do this.
00:21:21 - See, I've always wondered why golfers
00:21:23 don't wear two gloves.
00:21:25 If you've got one glove on, if one glove is good,
00:21:27 why not the second, like a batting glove?
00:21:28 - Yeah, or wear it on the wrong hand.
00:21:30 - Maybe we should start that movement.
00:21:32 - We should, the two, yeah, Teddy two gloves.
00:21:33 - Teddy two gloves.
00:21:34 And then the only other thing I had,
00:21:36 and you guys might have other sports stuff
00:21:38 before we get to who's back.
00:21:40 I think as of right now,
00:21:43 I am ready to make my one and only drop
00:21:46 from my dinger zone.
00:21:46 - Okay, so I wanted to talk about Wander Franco.
00:21:50 Now Big Cat.
00:21:51 - I think we may have said injury only.
00:21:52 - By the rules, you're not allowed to drop Wander Franco.
00:21:55 - Okay, so you guys want me to keep this guy on my team.
00:21:57 You Jake, I specifically, you are you saying.
00:22:00 - What we said at the beginning of the season.
00:22:01 - No, no, no, Jake, Jake, are you specifically
00:22:03 saying that Wander Franco should still be
00:22:05 in the dingers only league?
00:22:06 - No, he should be banned for life.
00:22:08 - But unfortunately it's not up to us.
00:22:09 We've already done the rules.
00:22:10 - Okay, fine.
00:22:11 - It's a group vote.
00:22:12 - If I had a vote, I would absolutely say,
00:22:14 kick him out, get him out of there.
00:22:16 - Okay.
00:22:17 - Kick him out.
00:22:18 - All right, so let's play Axe and Mims.
00:22:20 - But we can't change the rules mid season.
00:22:21 We don't do that in the dingers only league.
00:22:23 - If he's on the IL, which he probably will end up being,
00:22:27 then I can kick him out.
00:22:29 - You think they're gonna designate him as injured
00:22:31 for fucking a 14 year old?
00:22:32 - I mean, isn't that some type of injury?
00:22:35 - That's an all time injury.
00:22:36 - Isn't it like a special injury?
00:22:37 - It's also all alleged by the way.
00:22:39 But yeah, isn't that a mental injury?
00:22:41 They had Wander Franco giveaway day today too.
00:22:44 - And if you were under 14, you got a free hat.
00:22:46 - Yikes.
00:22:47 - That's pretty crazy.
00:22:48 You hear about this one?
00:22:48 - The hat looked awesome by the way.
00:22:49 I'll just say that.
00:22:51 - Yeah, it was a good hat.
00:22:51 - The hat was great.
00:22:52 - Separate the art from the artist.
00:22:54 - Let's not go criticizing hats because of Wander Franco,
00:22:57 what he might, may or may not have done.
00:22:59 - It was a good hat.
00:23:00 - Let's separate it.
00:23:00 - Did you hear about this one,
00:23:01 that he just wants to get sent back down to the minors?
00:23:03 - Ooh, nice.
00:23:04 - Did you hear that?
00:23:05 - Yeah, so I think you're allowed to make this ad drop.
00:23:08 - No, I mean, we agreed that he's only in for injury.
00:23:11 - So if he goes on the IL.
00:23:12 - If he goes on the IL, yeah.
00:23:13 If they're like, sorry, we're putting this guy on the IL
00:23:18 for hopping on Jeffrey Epstein's airplane,
00:23:21 then yes, you can drop him.
00:23:22 - All right, can I, all right.
00:23:24 - Do you want to make like a provisional?
00:23:25 - No, no, no, here's what we'll do.
00:23:27 Here's what we'll do.
00:23:27 Here's fair.
00:23:29 I will not drop him by the bylaws of the Dinger's only.
00:23:32 - Which are ironclad.
00:23:34 - Ironclad.
00:23:35 - Will never change.
00:23:35 - Ironclad.
00:23:36 So by the bylaws, I cannot drop him.
00:23:40 That's fine, that's fair.
00:23:41 I'm not gonna contest that.
00:23:42 I'm not gonna appeal that.
00:23:43 Jake says that's fine.
00:23:45 That there's alleged pedophiles in the Dinger's only league.
00:23:48 Jake will stand up and--
00:23:49 - No, I said--
00:23:49 - When the media comes after me,
00:23:51 I'm gonna say my press secretary, Jake Marsh,
00:23:54 will handle all questions.
00:23:56 What I will do is I am personally going to sit him.
00:24:00 So if he plays and hits any home runs,
00:24:01 I don't want to count it.
00:24:03 - Okay.
00:24:04 - That's fair, right?
00:24:04 - Do you want a replacement?
00:24:06 - No, no, I'm just personally, I'm playing a man down.
00:24:10 - Okay.
00:24:11 - Yeah.
00:24:12 - I would have thought, I think that I'm close to,
00:24:14 I have to be close to Bingo with pedophile,
00:24:17 alleged pedophile and Vertigo.
00:24:18 - Mountcastle's bad.
00:24:19 - Like what the fuck?
00:24:22 - Yeah.
00:24:22 - And I'm not last.
00:24:23 - Yeah, PFT's in last by a significant amount of points.
00:24:26 - You might be able to catch up now
00:24:28 that I don't have shortstop.
00:24:30 Was he playing shortstop?
00:24:31 - Yeah.
00:24:32 - Yeah.
00:24:32 - Memes in the lead.
00:24:33 - Okay.
00:24:34 - Yeah.
00:24:35 - There were some very funny memes out there
00:24:36 about Wander Franco.
00:24:38 As funny as they can be, there was one,
00:24:40 it was like, what was it?
00:24:42 It was Wander Franco and Karl Malone
00:24:45 showing up to the high school prom
00:24:47 and it was Kobe and Shaq.
00:24:48 - There also was one guy who was defending him,
00:24:51 which again, it is alleged,
00:24:52 but you don't have to be the guy
00:24:54 who jumps in front of this one.
00:24:56 - Yeah.
00:24:57 - But he was like, this is bullshit, it's alleged,
00:25:01 which again, I agree that if it's alleged,
00:25:03 like we don't know any of the facts,
00:25:05 but he's like, this is bullshit, this is alleged,
00:25:07 this is probably a girl he broke up with
00:25:10 that's trying to get back at him.
00:25:12 And someone's like, dude, so you just said
00:25:14 a girl who's 14 he broke up with?
00:25:16 - Yeah.
00:25:17 - It's like, yeah.
00:25:18 - And now she's upset,
00:25:19 so she's dragging his name through the mud.
00:25:21 Listen, we talked earlier about how guys are stupid
00:25:24 and can't tell the difference
00:25:25 between the same woman sometimes.
00:25:27 14 to 18 is a pretty big four years.
00:25:30 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:25:31 - So if she was lying, that's what I've heard
00:25:34 from the Wanderer apologists out there
00:25:38 saying that he didn't know that she was 14, not 18.
00:25:40 That's a pretty significant age difference right there.
00:25:44 - Do we have any update on like the team or anything?
00:25:47 Do they say anything other than-
00:25:49 - I think they're waiting for the facts.
00:25:50 - Well, he had a day off today
00:25:52 and they said it was a scheduled day off.
00:25:54 Yeah, the other meme that was funny was-
00:25:57 - It's a school night.
00:25:58 - The money ball meme.
00:26:01 - Yeah.
00:26:02 - With Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt.
00:26:03 And it's like, "Billy, this is Wander Franco.
00:26:05 He's one of the best pure hitters in baseball.
00:26:07 His only defect is he's a pedophile."
00:26:09 (laughing)
00:26:10 I mean, that's a funny meme.
00:26:11 - Yeah, it's a good meme.
00:26:11 - Again, alleged we'll find out more, I guess.
00:26:14 But he is no longer counting for my team.
00:26:17 - Okay, but he's still on your roster.
00:26:18 - He is on my roster.
00:26:19 He's on my IL.
00:26:21 IL, parentheses, P, alleged.
00:26:24 (laughing)
00:26:25 I want that officially noted.
00:26:27 Here, I have a statement for the Rays.
00:26:30 "During today's games, we were made aware
00:26:32 of the social media posts that are circulating
00:26:33 regarding Wander Franco.
00:26:35 We take the situation seriously and are in close contact
00:26:37 with Major League Baseball as it conducts its due diligence."
00:26:40 Okay, so we'll find out.
00:26:42 - They didn't really tweet today.
00:26:45 - Yeah.
00:26:47 I mean, if it's not true, that's bullshit.
00:26:50 But yeah, he is going to be on my IL, parentheses, P.
00:26:54 Alleged.
00:26:55 Okay, let's get to who's back in the week.
00:27:01 Jake, you want to start?
00:27:03 - I could start.
00:27:03 - You're sitting in Hank's seat.
00:27:04 - I know, it feels weird.
00:27:05 But yeah, Mike, who's back in the week,
00:27:09 is the NBA Hall of Fame, Basketball Hall of Fame.
00:27:11 - Yeah. - With the inductions.
00:27:13 What?
00:27:14 - No, go ahead, I have something to say about it.
00:27:17 - Okay, I really like Dwyane Wade's speech.
00:27:19 - I don't know why were they doing the Basketball Hall
00:27:22 of Fame at 11 o'clock on a Saturday in August?
00:27:25 - I think it's always this time of year.
00:27:27 - I'm just saying, are they trying to get
00:27:29 the least amount of people to watch?
00:27:30 - Oh.
00:27:31 - It just made no sense.
00:27:32 It was so random that the Hall of Fame
00:27:34 was happening right now.
00:27:35 - The speeches always do creep up on you.
00:27:36 You have no idea that they're happening
00:27:38 until they get put online.
00:27:39 And then, oh, that was today, yeah.
00:27:41 I think that's what they always do.
00:27:42 - Doesn't the Baseball Hall of Fame happen
00:27:43 in the middle of the summer?
00:27:44 - I think it's like Sunday afternoon or something.
00:27:46 - Well, also the Basketball Hall of Fame.
00:27:47 - The NFL Hall of Fame does the Hall of Fame game.
00:27:49 It's like the start of football season.
00:27:51 It's like, makes sense.
00:27:52 Like, why wouldn't you do the Basketball Hall of Fame
00:27:55 in the middle of February or something?
00:27:56 - So the Basketball Hall of Fame,
00:27:57 they usually, they bring out all the inductees
00:28:00 during the Final Four, right?
00:28:01 Remember we saw that when we were down in Houston.
00:28:03 - Yes.
00:28:04 - That's like, it's the longest Hall of Fame season
00:28:06 in any sport.
00:28:06 - Right.
00:28:07 - It goes from like late March to, yeah, like mid August.
00:28:11 - Yeah, so who else was there?
00:28:13 Wade, Dirk.
00:28:14 - Wade, Dirk, Tony Parker, Powell,
00:28:16 Becky Hammon was honored.
00:28:18 Crazy.
00:28:19 - Was honored?
00:28:20 That's not in the Hall of Fame.
00:28:22 Pop, I think.
00:28:23 - Yeah, Pop.
00:28:24 I saw Pat Riley said about Dwayne Wade,
00:28:28 he's the greatest Miami Heat player to ever play.
00:28:31 And this is not a knock against LeBron.
00:28:33 Usually when you have to follow it up by saying
00:28:34 it's not a knock, that means it's a knock.
00:28:37 - Also--
00:28:38 - Yeah, she got in.
00:28:39 - Because we are sex positive both ways,
00:28:44 Dwayne Wade's dad is like,
00:28:45 he looks like he's like 40 years old.
00:28:47 - Yeah, that's a great speech.
00:28:48 - He's a good looking dude.
00:28:49 I was shocked.
00:28:50 - Yep.
00:28:51 - Sex positive.
00:28:53 Like if that had been reversed,
00:28:54 we would have had to say something.
00:28:55 So now we have to say something this way.
00:28:57 That's your who's back?
00:28:58 - Basketball Hall of Fame.
00:28:59 - Hall of Fame.
00:29:00 - Okay.
00:29:00 - My who's back of the week is the EPL.
00:29:03 - Yes.
00:29:04 - English Premier League is back.
00:29:06 It started off this week.
00:29:08 And I got to watch some of the games at a pub in Ireland.
00:29:12 They fucking love that sport over there.
00:29:14 It's crazy.
00:29:15 It's like NFL on steroids for opening week there.
00:29:18 So I'm just looking at the top of the table right now.
00:29:21 Looks like Arsenal's got it wrapped up already.
00:29:23 They start off one and O.
00:29:24 So Arsenal, congrats on winning--
00:29:26 - Season O.
00:29:27 - The 2023 English Premier League table.
00:29:29 - You also have a new short King PFT,
00:29:34 Conte for Chelsea.
00:29:36 - Yep.
00:29:36 - He's like 5'7", but I think he's probably more like 5'6"
00:29:40 and 5'5".
00:29:42 And he looks, he's so fast and he's so much shorter.
00:29:45 It's awesome watching him play.
00:29:46 - It's been a good year for short Kings.
00:29:48 Between Messi, Marquise Noel, Conte, we're back.
00:29:52 Deuce Vaughn, we're fully back.
00:29:54 - Bagel Boss.
00:29:55 - Yeah, Bagel Boss.
00:29:56 That was years ago.
00:29:57 - That happened a couple months ago.
00:29:58 - That was years ago.
00:30:00 That was years ago.
00:30:01 - We should just start saying Bagel,
00:30:02 but we should, maybe you should start putting
00:30:04 Bagel Boss clips out being like, wow, this just happened.
00:30:07 - Yeah, that guy, I wonder what he's up to these days.
00:30:10 - Probably still angry.
00:30:10 - Probably nothing good.
00:30:11 - Probably still angry.
00:30:12 - Bryce Young.
00:30:13 - Yeah.
00:30:14 - Short Kings are big time back.
00:30:15 - Short Kings.
00:30:16 - Declan Rice tearing it up for West Ham.
00:30:18 We're looking great.
00:30:19 The Hammers started out with a draw.
00:30:20 Very happy about that.
00:30:21 - Okay.
00:30:22 And I was talking soccer.
00:30:23 - I was talking soccer.
00:30:24 That's all I got for the EPL.
00:30:26 - All right, my who's back.
00:30:27 - Also, Holland is just unfair.
00:30:29 - Yeah.
00:30:31 - Victor Holland.
00:30:32 - Yeah, yeah.
00:30:32 - That dude just, all he does is score goals.
00:30:33 - I hate about the country.
00:30:34 - That too.
00:30:35 - Yeah.
00:30:36 - But this dude, Victor Holland, he's like six, seven.
00:30:38 All he does is score goals.
00:30:39 This guy, this guy might be the best soccer player
00:30:41 to ever play.
00:30:42 - Yeah.
00:30:43 Jersey Jerry's got his rookie card.
00:30:45 - No, really?
00:30:46 - Yeah, he's been tweeting.
00:30:47 He's been tweeting nonstop about him.
00:30:49 So hopefully he can make some money off it.
00:30:51 - There was a guy in the bar that was,
00:30:53 shout out to the Irish AWL that came up and said,
00:30:56 because it was Burnley playing against Man City.
00:30:59 He's like, what the fuck is JJ Watt doing as an owner?
00:31:02 He can't stop this Holland guy.
00:31:04 They're blaming personally JJ Watt
00:31:06 for not being able to stop Holland from scoring,
00:31:08 which I love.
00:31:09 - Yeah, that's how it works.
00:31:10 All right, my who's back is random people going viral
00:31:14 and having their life changed.
00:31:16 So this guy, Anthony Oliver, I think is his name,
00:31:20 the bearded country singer.
00:31:22 - Yeah.
00:31:23 - He's gone crazy, crazy viral.
00:31:26 I feel like his life has completely changed.
00:31:29 And of course the internet tried to ruin it all this,
00:31:32 like very quickly being like, who does this guy vote for?
00:31:35 Which side is he on?
00:31:36 Is he industry plant?
00:31:38 I don't know, the dude's voice rocks.
00:31:40 I watched that song probably about 20 times.
00:31:43 His voice rocks.
00:31:44 He did do the smart thing of keeping out
00:31:46 a couple of the verses,
00:31:47 because he's maybe, he's not Bob Dylan.
00:31:50 Can I share a couple of verses with you
00:31:53 that he kept out of the song?
00:31:55 - It's like a money for nothing type.
00:31:57 - Yeah, the best way I describe these verses
00:32:00 are Billy football's Twitter trying to be you.
00:32:04 - Got it.
00:32:05 - So one of the verses is,
00:32:07 I wish politicians would look out for minors
00:32:10 and not just minors on an island somewhere.
00:32:13 - That's strong.
00:32:14 - That is Billy football being you.
00:32:16 - That's very strong.
00:32:17 Yeah, that's a good point, makes you think.
00:32:19 - And then the other one was,
00:32:20 well God, if you're five foot three and you're 300 pounds,
00:32:24 taxes ought not to pay for your bags of fudge rounds.
00:32:28 - Yeah, okay.
00:32:30 - He's not Bob Dylan.
00:32:31 He kept these verses out of the clip, which was very smart.
00:32:34 - Yeah, I mean, there's, listen,
00:32:35 in some of our best songs like "Money for Nothing"
00:32:38 and "The Star Spangled Banner",
00:32:40 sometimes you gotta delete a verse every now and then.
00:32:42 - Yes, yes.
00:32:43 - Make it, yeah, that's smart.
00:32:45 That's very smart for him because yes,
00:32:46 the first thing people will do
00:32:48 when they see anybody go viral is they're like,
00:32:50 okay, well, if this guy's not on my side, then he sucks.
00:32:52 - Right.
00:32:53 - So let's try to figure this out.
00:32:54 - And he's an industry plant or yeah,
00:32:56 it just, it ruins what was a great story.
00:33:00 The dude went viral, awesome singer, song rocks.
00:33:04 And then everyone's like,
00:33:05 well, we gotta figure out everything about him
00:33:08 and where he stands and then we'll make a decision
00:33:10 whether the song is good or not.
00:33:12 How about you just make a decision with your ears,
00:33:14 the song fucking rocks.
00:33:15 - Yeah, this song is way better
00:33:17 than "Try That in a Small Town".
00:33:18 - Yeah.
00:33:19 - I agree on that.
00:33:20 - The singer, and he had dogs in the background,
00:33:22 just chilling.
00:33:23 And I looked up his other songs, they also rock.
00:33:26 Again, not Bob Dylan.
00:33:28 - And I love his Twitter handle too,
00:33:29 it's ain't got a dollar.
00:33:30 - Yeah, he is awesome.
00:33:33 So I was, I'm a big fan of him,
00:33:35 but I'm not a big fan of the internet at large,
00:33:37 but that's nothing new.
00:33:39 Wait, I had another who's back, fuck.
00:33:41 - Was it Cooper Flagg?
00:33:43 - No.
00:33:44 - Yeah, so Cooper Flagg, he's looking at UConn,
00:33:47 is that right?
00:33:47 - Well, he moved up a class.
00:33:49 - Oh.
00:33:50 - So I think he's 2024, 2025 now.
00:33:52 - Who's in that draft class though?
00:33:54 - I don't know, but they're saying he can go to number one.
00:33:55 - Well, that would be the--
00:33:56 - Class 2024.
00:33:57 - That would be the greatest call
00:33:58 and part of my take history.
00:33:59 - How can you move up a class?
00:34:01 - Something with like cutoffs, I would assume.
00:34:04 - Oh, he's one of the September babies.
00:34:06 - Yeah.
00:34:07 So wait, UConn?
00:34:08 UConn would be awesome.
00:34:09 - That's what I'm hoping for.
00:34:10 - 'Cause I can't root for him,
00:34:11 I'm gonna ignore his entire season at Duke
00:34:14 and then take credit if he gets drafted one more.
00:34:15 - Announce Friday he's reclassifying from 2025 to 24,
00:34:18 making him the new favorite to be number one pick in 2025.
00:34:21 - We did it, boys.
00:34:23 We're so back.
00:34:24 We're so close.
00:34:25 - Duke is a favorite. - Just a reminder,
00:34:26 UConn was a staple of games Kansas, Kentucky involved.
00:34:29 - He'd be the first one-one white American since like 1977.
00:34:34 Yeah, Cooper Flagg out of Maine of all places.
00:34:38 Shout out Maine, Maniacs, that's crazy.
00:34:42 Yeah, please go to UConn, Cooper Flagg.
00:34:44 We will chip in an NIL deal.
00:34:46 - I won't.
00:34:47 I do not want to go to Duke.
00:34:48 - Of course you won't, Max.
00:34:50 - I hate UConn.
00:34:51 - You want him to go to Duke?
00:34:52 - Fuck yeah, I would love for him to go to Duke.
00:34:55 Why would I want him to go to UConn?
00:34:57 - I also was just out of shock,
00:35:01 like Max just chiming in there
00:35:03 because Hank would not have been listening
00:35:04 to the conversation about it.
00:35:05 So I was like, whoa, what?
00:35:07 Okay.
00:35:08 - There's also one more who's back.
00:35:09 - Oh, who's that?
00:35:10 - James Harden is back.
00:35:11 - What do you mean?
00:35:12 He's not fat anymore?
00:35:14 - I mean, he's just doing the whole song and dance again.
00:35:15 He said he's not coming to training camp.
00:35:17 - Oh, yeah, no duh.
00:35:19 - Yeah, so.
00:35:20 - But you want him.
00:35:21 - Well, yeah, whatever.
00:35:25 - What do you mean, whatever?
00:35:26 - I think he's better than the alternative,
00:35:29 but I think Daryl Moore is just gonna do
00:35:31 the same Ben Simmons thing.
00:35:32 - By the way, what you just said,
00:35:35 what you just said is the most demoralizing place
00:35:38 to be as a sports fan.
00:35:39 I've been there many times.
00:35:41 There's nothing worse in a sports argument
00:35:44 than being like he's better than the alternative.
00:35:46 'Cause in your heart of heart,
00:35:47 you know it's not gonna work out.
00:35:50 - No.
00:35:51 - But you have to convince yourself some way.
00:35:52 So you're like, well, what are we gonna do otherwise?
00:35:55 I've been there, it sucks.
00:35:57 - I'm just going in,
00:35:58 we're gonna do the whole Ben Simmons thing again.
00:36:00 - Well, it's all the haters out there
00:36:01 that are saying James Harden isn't staying in great shape.
00:36:04 This off season, he's gonna show up looking fat,
00:36:07 slobbingly, looking like maybe he's just been drunk
00:36:10 on a boat for the last three months.
00:36:11 That's bullshit because he's actually working very hard.
00:36:14 He's in China right now,
00:36:16 releasing his wine collection in China.
00:36:18 Oh, and he is on a boat getting drunk in China.
00:36:21 Yeah, trying to sell his bottles of wine.
00:36:23 So he is working hard.
00:36:23 - Yeah, he's working hard.
00:36:24 Oh, I remember when my other who's back
00:36:26 was that lady's Rolex in Hawaii, that rule.
00:36:30 Did you see that?
00:36:30 - No.
00:36:31 - Okay, so a New York Times reporter tweeted out a picture.
00:36:36 I gotta find it.
00:36:37 It's so tragedy in Hawaii.
00:36:40 Like I think 80 people died, like really, really sad stuff.
00:36:43 And this guy tweeted out a picture and a story,
00:36:48 which I don't blame the woman in the picture
00:36:52 because like her house burned down.
00:36:54 I don't know where she's from, all that stuff.
00:36:56 But again, people died in this tragedy.
00:37:00 All right, found it.
00:37:01 It's this guy tweeted out,
00:37:03 "On Friday, Alicia Stratton searched desperately
00:37:05 through the wreckage of her Lahana home
00:37:09 for the Rolex watch her parents gave her
00:37:12 when she graduated college.
00:37:14 Suddenly her fiance pulled it from the ashes.
00:37:17 You found it," she said, choking up.
00:37:19 "It was damaged, but still legible."
00:37:21 And then it's a zoom in picture of her holding the watch
00:37:23 and she has a perfect manicure.
00:37:26 It's wild.
00:37:27 People are like, there was deaths.
00:37:29 And the guy tweeted out about Rolex.
00:37:31 - That seems like it, is she married to Ravel?
00:37:33 - Yeah.
00:37:34 - Is that Ravel's wife?
00:37:35 That seems like something he would do.
00:37:36 - I don't know.
00:37:37 I know a brick watch would have found itself.
00:37:39 - Yeah.
00:37:39 - Yeah.
00:37:40 - Doesn't get burned.
00:37:41 - Yeah, and it is very sad.
00:37:42 If anyone, there's a bunch of GoFundMe's and stuff.
00:37:45 I donated some, if you could donate, it's awful tragedy.
00:37:49 'Cause a lot of people who live in Hawaii
00:37:52 who are not looking for their Rolexes,
00:37:54 they're looking for their pets or their loved ones.
00:37:56 And it's a lot different.
00:37:57 - It's like an entire part of the island is just gone.
00:38:00 - Yeah, yeah.
00:38:01 So Rolex is not really the paramount thing
00:38:03 that people should be caring about right now.
00:38:06 Okay, let's get to our interview.
00:38:08 Dion Dawkins.
00:38:10 Incredible interview.
00:38:11 There's a must listen interview for AWLs.
00:38:13 He's going to be recurring guest.
00:38:15 Awesome, awesome interview.
00:38:16 It's brought to you by Verizon.
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00:39:17 Verizon is making sure you can watch ball this season.
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00:39:45 So it's Verizon ads and we love Verizon.
00:39:46 So here it is, the interview with Deion Dawkins.
00:39:49 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.
00:39:54 It is left tackle for the Buffalo Bills,
00:39:56 the man who protects Josh Allen, Deion Dawkins.
00:40:00 Thanks for joining us.
00:40:01 - For sure.
00:40:02 - I've read up a lot about you.
00:40:03 I've heard stories about you.
00:40:04 You seem like a great guy who's got a lot of personality,
00:40:09 but I want to start with you protecting Josh Allen.
00:40:12 - Yeah.
00:40:13 - You know how important of a role that is.
00:40:15 - I think the role is important in itself.
00:40:20 I guess I'm getting credit, but I'm one of five, you know?
00:40:26 So there's a whole unit of us that protect Josh, you know?
00:40:30 If you want to look at the blind side,
00:40:32 like from the movie and all of that stuff, then yes.
00:40:34 I am the left tackle.
00:40:36 I am the blind side.
00:40:37 I am the whatever you want to call the hurrah, but yes.
00:40:41 Josh makes it very easy at times
00:40:43 and he also makes it very hard.
00:40:44 - Yeah, so we call it mashing all the buttons
00:40:47 when he decides that he's just going to do crazy shit.
00:40:49 - Right.
00:40:50 - From your perspective, when he does that,
00:40:52 are you like, wait, dude, we can't protect you
00:40:54 if you're going to just start running people over?
00:40:56 - Josh is a wild card, man.
00:40:58 Josh, I fucking hate the kid.
00:41:03 I fucking hate him, bro.
00:41:04 I fucking hate him and love him at the same time
00:41:07 'cause Josh gets his added trouble.
00:41:09 Sometimes he's just doing his own thing and he fucking,
00:41:13 am I allowed to curse?
00:41:14 - Yeah, yeah, fuck, goddammit.
00:41:15 - Bitch, motherfucker.
00:41:17 - Fuck!
00:41:18 - Yeah.
00:41:18 - Goddammit!
00:41:19 Oh, pussy!
00:41:22 All right.
00:41:23 (laughing)
00:41:24 No, no, no, no, but Josh makes us all have heart attacks
00:41:29 throughout the game over and over and over.
00:41:31 Like when the world is watching and he's running
00:41:33 and we're like, all right, here we go.
00:41:34 Like literally the whole line, we look at each other
00:41:37 and we're like, it's going to happen.
00:41:39 It's going to happen.
00:41:40 And then he jumps over somebody or he runs through somebody
00:41:43 and then he hits the ground and we're like,
00:41:45 and then he's like, come on, guys, let's go.
00:41:47 And we're like, you're a fucking freak.
00:41:49 Like mutant for real, you know?
00:41:51 - Yeah, yeah, he is.
00:41:52 You said you'd give up every last finger for him.
00:41:54 - I would.
00:41:55 - Yeah, and you'd kill for him.
00:41:56 - I would.
00:41:57 - Would you die for him?
00:41:58 - I would.
00:41:59 - We would.
00:42:00 - I'd die, I'd take a bullet for him.
00:42:01 - I'd die for him.
00:42:02 - See, let's take a bullet.
00:42:03 - In my heart.
00:42:04 - Yeah, in my brain.
00:42:05 - I'd take one in the temple.
00:42:07 - Right here or on the other side?
00:42:08 - Right here, boom.
00:42:09 - Would I die for Josh Allen?
00:42:11 It's so easy to say yes.
00:42:14 Fuck no.
00:42:15 - Oh, okay, all right.
00:42:16 - No, like absolutely, I would die for him, man.
00:42:19 He's done nothing but great things for me and my family
00:42:22 and I take it personal.
00:42:25 Like I really take it personal.
00:42:27 Like when people do weird shit, I'm like, bro, listen,
00:42:30 just calm the fuck down.
00:42:31 You know, but yeah, I would die for him.
00:42:33 - Cut off every finger.
00:42:34 - If I had to.
00:42:35 - He'd give up his last finger.
00:42:37 - It would be smart because then you couldn't get
00:42:38 called for holding anymore.
00:42:40 - Not at all, I can't even beat my dick.
00:42:42 I would be like this.
00:42:44 (laughing)
00:42:45 - Just make like a dick hamburger.
00:42:48 - Dick hamburger.
00:42:49 (laughing)
00:42:52 Start nubbing the fuck out of it, you know what I'm saying?
00:42:54 That shit would be funny as hell.
00:42:55 Start nubbing the shit, be like, you fucking Josh.
00:42:59 (laughing)
00:43:01 Fuck!
00:43:02 (laughing)
00:43:04 - Not for sure.
00:43:06 - Today's first day of pads.
00:43:08 I gotta ask, what do offensive linemen do
00:43:10 when you're not wearing pads?
00:43:11 What are those practices like?
00:43:12 - The crazy thing is for the world that's listening now,
00:43:16 I think practice is harder without pads
00:43:18 than it is with pads.
00:43:20 Because it's hard to differentiate from the trenches.
00:43:25 When you're in the trenches, it's physical,
00:43:28 all of the time, it's just the standard of physical.
00:43:30 Some plays, the defensive lineman will hit you
00:43:32 and you'll be like, all right,
00:43:33 that's a little bit too much.
00:43:35 And then the next play, we'll get 'em,
00:43:36 be like, boom, all right, see, we just got you back.
00:43:39 So it's just like a ping pong thing where it's like,
00:43:41 we might as well just put the pads on.
00:43:43 But the first day of pads is always lit.
00:43:46 It's always a lot of what I call fuckery.
00:43:49 It's just up and down the whole day.
00:43:51 Guys are usually nervous, but I take it where
00:43:56 it's harder the day before pads than it is during pads.
00:43:59 - 'Cause you're thinking about getting into pads,
00:44:00 you're thinking about being physical.
00:44:02 The human body craves contact.
00:44:04 - Craves it, yeah, static.
00:44:06 - One of our first guests that we ever had on the show
00:44:09 was a guy that you played with for a while,
00:44:11 Richie Incognito.
00:44:12 - Holy shit.
00:44:14 - Yeah, and so I've heard that you and Richie
00:44:16 are very close, he was--
00:44:17 - He's my big bro.
00:44:18 - A big help for you when you got here,
00:44:19 kind of showed you how to be a professional,
00:44:21 that sort of thing, which is wild to think
00:44:23 that Richie is like, here's how you be a professional,
00:44:25 knowing what we know about Richie.
00:44:26 - What we all know about Richie.
00:44:27 - Yeah, yeah, but you guys are--
00:44:29 - Truth will set you free.
00:44:31 - You guys are thick as thieves, right?
00:44:33 - As what?
00:44:34 - Thick as thieves, you ever heard of that?
00:44:36 - No.
00:44:37 - You guys are boys.
00:44:38 - That's my dog.
00:44:39 Thick as thick.
00:44:39 - Yeah, 'cause I read the story that you--
00:44:42 - Thicker than thick.
00:44:42 - Your nickname, the snowman.
00:44:43 - It is.
00:44:45 - 'Cause you were shoveling snow when you were growing up
00:44:47 and that whole story was incredible,
00:44:49 but you messed up a game and Richie Incognito
00:44:52 came in the next day and was like,
00:44:54 you don't snow shit, like giving you shit.
00:44:56 - This is true.
00:44:57 - When that happened, were you like, uh-oh,
00:44:59 like Richie's got his sights on me.
00:45:01 - Like, you know, a lot of people were scared of the dude.
00:45:04 I didn't give, I seen right through Richie.
00:45:06 I was like, you're a softie.
00:45:08 You're a good dude, but you're a softie and you care.
00:45:10 That's why you're saying that.
00:45:11 So yeah, that definitely happened.
00:45:14 He definitely came in and was like, you don't snow shit.
00:45:17 You blonde haired motherfucker, like all type of stuff.
00:45:20 And yeah, but that's definitely how that bond connected.
00:45:24 'Cause once I was like, you know what, I like you.
00:45:27 I can rock with it.
00:45:29 And he's been real ever since.
00:45:30 I've seen the good, the bad, the ugly, the crazy,
00:45:33 the crazy, the crazy, the crazy, the crazy, and the good.
00:45:37 - Yeah, yeah.
00:45:38 So your story is incredible because from everything I read,
00:45:42 there was definitely like a moment
00:45:43 where your life could have gone one of two ways.
00:45:45 I read the story and there was a stealing phase,
00:45:48 is what you called it yourself.
00:45:50 Like you were just stealing stuff, bikes, everything.
00:45:53 - Everything.
00:45:54 - That obviously you don't steal,
00:45:55 but calling it a stealing phase kind of rocks.
00:45:58 But like, what was that like light bulb that went off
00:46:02 where you're like, all right, this is,
00:46:03 I gotta stop doing this.
00:46:04 Like I have real talent.
00:46:05 I have real things that I can contribute to the world.
00:46:08 I gotta change.
00:46:09 - Yeah, I went through a phase in college too.
00:46:12 I wound up getting arrested in college for fighting.
00:46:15 - Defending your teammate.
00:46:16 - Defending my, for sure.
00:46:17 - I read all about it.
00:46:18 That was a ride or die move.
00:46:19 - It was.
00:46:21 And at that moment I said, like, you know what?
00:46:24 I really just need to kind of stay in the house
00:46:28 until I, you know, cross this threshold.
00:46:31 'Cause I've always been told, like, you know,
00:46:33 like Deon, like you're a bigger guy,
00:46:35 like you're really freakishly athletic,
00:46:36 like your calves are humongous
00:46:38 and all these like weird things.
00:46:40 And I'm like, all right, bro,
00:46:41 like you probably are just a coach
00:46:42 just trying to brainwash me and just tell me
00:46:44 just so I can fit through your program of system.
00:46:47 And after that situation at Temple, I was like,
00:46:51 bro, I could be a millionaire in three years.
00:46:54 - Right.
00:46:55 - Like a lot of kids are walking around campus
00:46:57 thinking that like, oh man, like I'm at Alabama, bro.
00:47:00 Like it's the best thing in life.
00:47:01 But I had realized, I was like, bro, this is so fake life.
00:47:04 Like we're on a full scholarship.
00:47:05 We eat in for free, our clothes are for free.
00:47:07 We get stipends and we're on campus
00:47:10 with a bunch of girls and dudes and everybody
00:47:13 and just in this one giant mosh pit.
00:47:16 And it's like, this is not real.
00:47:18 So I realized that it wasn't real.
00:47:20 It was more so like a fake life, how I seen it.
00:47:22 And I was like, if I could just take a step back
00:47:25 from all of this and just get what I have to get done,
00:47:28 life will be way more funner after this phase in life.
00:47:31 - Yeah, I mean, it's a great story.
00:47:33 It's a lot of people being open
00:47:34 about like the things they went through.
00:47:36 I think it's great for people to read about
00:47:38 and be like, yeah, this is, people have two paths in life.
00:47:41 You were literally looking down the other path
00:47:44 and chose the one that got you here.
00:47:46 - For sure, multiple times.
00:47:48 I'm thankful for the people that I had in my corner.
00:47:51 Like I'm really thankful for Coach Rule
00:47:53 'cause a lot of people wanna go to them giant schools.
00:47:56 Like everybody wants to go to Alabama
00:47:59 and wants to go to Auburn and Texas and Tennessee.
00:48:02 Bruh, if I would've went to one of those schools,
00:48:04 I would not be here today
00:48:06 because there's so many kids that they could replace.
00:48:09 It would have been over with.
00:48:10 At Temple, it was like, oh, Deon is really all we got.
00:48:13 So we gotta ride with him.
00:48:14 So I was thankful for it.
00:48:17 It comes at a time and a place where
00:48:19 you have to think about, are you a problem child
00:48:22 or could there potentially be a problem?
00:48:24 And if there is, are you gonna be in the right situation
00:48:27 and have the right people to back you?
00:48:29 - I feel like that place is Buffalo too.
00:48:31 - Buffalo is lit. - Buffalo is a great spot.
00:48:32 Do you like the cold weather games?
00:48:34 - I prefer the cold weather games over the hot ones.
00:48:37 - That's the correct answer from a lineman.
00:48:39 - Yeah, that Miami game was probably pretty tough.
00:48:40 - No, it was the hardest game ever.
00:48:43 It was a moment in my career where I was like,
00:48:46 what the fuck am I doing?
00:48:49 This is the type of shit that can really kill you.
00:48:54 It was so hot.
00:48:56 I think there was only two offensive linemen
00:48:57 that finished that game, and it was me and Roger Saffo.
00:49:01 And if he would have went down,
00:49:04 I think that my brain would have told me,
00:49:06 you need to go down too, before something happens.
00:49:09 But Josh kept kicking and I was like, bro,
00:49:12 I don't know how we're doing this.
00:49:14 I felt like I wasn't even there, bro.
00:49:16 It was just like, every play, it was just like,
00:49:20 just breathing and just grabbing.
00:49:21 So if there was holds, there was probably a shit ton of them
00:49:24 and they didn't call them 'cause I was out of it.
00:49:27 It was scary.
00:49:29 - Yeah, we were at that game, the Monday night game
00:49:30 that you guys had up here against the Patriots
00:49:32 a couple of years ago. - Cold game.
00:49:33 - The cold game, yeah.
00:49:35 That seemed like a game that it might have been fun
00:49:37 to be an offensive lineman.
00:49:38 - It was freezing, but it was fun.
00:49:40 It wasn't that cold, we were at the game.
00:49:42 - Nah, it was-- - I took my shirt off.
00:49:43 - Yeah, I did too.
00:49:44 - Nah, it was pretty cold. - We were in the suite.
00:49:46 - It wasn't that cold in the suite.
00:49:47 - Yeah, suite life.
00:49:48 (laughing)
00:49:49 - It's 72 degrees. - It makes a lot of sense.
00:49:50 - Everyone's like, it's so cold.
00:49:51 We're like, we're fine, it's actually warm.
00:49:53 I had to take off my jacket.
00:49:54 - Do you want a beer? - Yeah.
00:49:55 - You know what I'm saying?
00:49:55 Yeah, right.
00:49:57 - Watching you guys just out there,
00:49:58 just having to deal with all that shit.
00:50:00 Man, that was a crazy game.
00:50:02 - I liked it, I enjoyed it.
00:50:03 But the worst part about it, wait, was that?
00:50:06 No, so I'm thinking about the Dolphins game,
00:50:08 like when it was snowing,
00:50:09 they were throwing snowballs. - Throwing the snowballs, yeah.
00:50:10 - Yeah, that one was, wasn't as cold.
00:50:13 I think the Patriots was probably
00:50:14 the coldest game of the year.
00:50:16 - It was so cold. - No, the Bears.
00:50:18 We played the Bears in Chicago.
00:50:20 Now that was the coldest game.
00:50:21 We had the hottest game of the year,
00:50:23 and then they come back and play the coldest game.
00:50:25 - Did you go to the bar after with the team?
00:50:27 - We got stuck there, right?
00:50:29 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:50:29 - Yeah, we went to the bar.
00:50:30 - Yeah.
00:50:31 - Definitely went to the bar. - You wanna thank me?
00:50:33 - That was you? - Yeah.
00:50:34 - Wait, was it the bar or was it the strip club?
00:50:36 - It was the bar, not the strip club.
00:50:37 I don't wanna get in trouble.
00:50:38 (laughing)
00:50:39 - Well, fuck, everybody was watching.
00:50:41 We were at the strip club.
00:50:42 - It was Christmas Eve. - Doing dollars at the titties.
00:50:44 - What's a strip club look like on Christmas Eve?
00:50:47 - It was a bunch of shit.
00:50:48 - Yeah. - It was horrible,
00:50:49 but it was-- - Christmas Eve.
00:50:50 - It was like probably all of six or seven girls there.
00:50:53 They were all like fucking threes.
00:50:55 - It's Christmas Eve, yeah, it's tough.
00:50:56 - They were all threes. - It's tough.
00:50:57 - And it was just like, here, take $20.
00:51:00 - Yeah, but I was the bar.
00:51:01 - Facts. - So I got that.
00:51:02 - Perfect. - I was, for a moment--
00:51:03 - Oh, yeah, we went to the bar first and then,
00:51:06 yeah, I'm such a-- - For a moment, I was like--
00:51:08 - I'm such a fag. - If you guys win the,
00:51:09 if you win the Super Bowl,
00:51:11 maybe I'll get interviewed on NFL Films.
00:51:13 I was like, this is the moment that your team came together.
00:51:15 - It was. - And then,
00:51:16 DeMar Hamlin happened a week later.
00:51:18 - Also tragic. - Yeah, so that,
00:51:19 I think that might have brought you guys together more.
00:51:21 - Right. - But the strip club was--
00:51:24 - Well, no, it wasn't the strip club, I gotta say.
00:51:26 - The bar, strip club, DeMar.
00:51:27 It was like a combination of, it was a trifecta.
00:51:30 - It was a trifecta. - Yes.
00:51:31 - We're all in there to win.
00:51:32 You know, the trifecta, though.
00:51:34 (laughing)
00:51:35 - Oh, that's perfect. - 'Cause the titties
00:51:36 definitely took us there.
00:51:37 (laughing)
00:51:39 I ain't never seen some of my guys,
00:51:41 you know what I'm saying?
00:51:42 - All right, so you, when we said we wanted to interview you,
00:51:46 we're like, Deion Dawkins, everything I've heard,
00:51:48 he's authentically him, is like, Sean McDermott,
00:51:51 we've had him on a couple times, we just interviewed him.
00:51:53 Does he let guys just be themselves?
00:51:56 'Cause I think that is such a great sign for a coach.
00:51:58 - You see me? - Yeah.
00:51:59 - I am a nut, bro.
00:52:01 I am a wild card.
00:52:03 He allows me to be a wild card.
00:52:04 - Yeah. - So I appreciate him.
00:52:06 He does let you be yourself,
00:52:08 but it comes with what it comes with, right?
00:52:12 If you're just yourself and you're not performing
00:52:16 and you're just a slap, then uh-uh, it doesn't work.
00:52:19 You have to stack your chips and then, you know,
00:52:24 handle your business and then let yourself show.
00:52:27 Like, I was myself from the jump,
00:52:29 but I really came out with who I truly was
00:52:33 once I started to, you know, put my part in to this team.
00:52:38 Like, I wasn't just like, hey, what's up?
00:52:39 You already snow, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:52:41 Like, nah, hold on, slow it down.
00:52:43 You already snow, it's your boy.
00:52:44 And then came through and then it was like,
00:52:46 you already snow, it's your boy.
00:52:47 And then it just got already up, blah, blah, blah.
00:52:50 It just got bigger and bigger.
00:52:51 But you can show yourself,
00:52:52 let that be known that you got personality,
00:52:54 then put the work on the field.
00:52:57 And then slowly, slowly, you know,
00:52:59 just jab your snow shit around the world.
00:53:02 - Yeah. (laughs)
00:53:05 - You know? - I love it.
00:53:06 The snow goes on. - The snow goes on.
00:53:08 - I love your quote about macaroni and cheese, too.
00:53:10 - Stir that joint up. - Yeah.
00:53:12 Stir it up, keep stirring it.
00:53:13 - It's just like, you feel me?
00:53:14 It's like an engine. - Yeah.
00:53:16 - Yeah, and then they-- - Diesel truck.
00:53:18 - They put it on the side of a box
00:53:19 of Kraft macaroni and cheese, right?
00:53:21 - They did, they have it right there.
00:53:21 - Like, stir it up, stir it up, make it wet.
00:53:23 (laughs)
00:53:25 That's probably why, like, yeah, Kraft knew, you know?
00:53:31 Just keep it nice, wet, and juicy.
00:53:32 - Yeah. (laughs)
00:53:33 - You know what I'm saying?
00:53:34 Like, we've all been there.
00:53:35 Like, on a quick day in the afternoon,
00:53:37 like with the Kraft box, it takes like five minutes or less.
00:53:40 Boil the water, put the noodles in,
00:53:43 like, in there, a little shot of milk.
00:53:45 Put the little powdered, nasty-ass cheese.
00:53:48 Mix that joint up like this.
00:53:49 It's just a go.
00:53:50 (lips smacking)
00:53:51 (laughs)
00:53:53 It start making hella noise.
00:53:56 Takes us to different places, but.
00:53:57 (laughs)
00:53:58 As a kid, like, you were lit, you know?
00:54:01 You joke about it, put your finger in there,
00:54:03 lick it a little bit.
00:54:04 - Mm-hmm.
00:54:05 - And you, nice, wet, and juicy.
00:54:06 - You're like a soundboard.
00:54:08 This is great.
00:54:09 (imitates soundboard)
00:54:12 - Do you do any impressions of the guys on the team?
00:54:14 - Nah.
00:54:15 Yeah.
00:54:17 (laughs)
00:54:18 Skip.
00:54:19 The running back coach.
00:54:21 Little bit.
00:54:23 You wanna hear a little bit?
00:54:24 - Yeah, yeah.
00:54:24 - So Skip, like, every year, we have a meeting,
00:54:27 and like, his job is to, you know,
00:54:31 work the security of the ball, right?
00:54:33 So he'll, he's real short.
00:54:35 Real short, ball-headed dude.
00:54:38 Probably like all of five foot tall, you know?
00:54:40 And he walks up in the front, and he's like,
00:54:42 "What's up, guys?"
00:54:43 You know what I'm saying?
00:54:44 And then he holds, and the ball here, and he's like,
00:54:46 "Yup, you gotta work the five points of pressure
00:54:50 "of the ball."
00:54:51 And I mean, of the ball.
00:54:52 And then he just, and then he goes,
00:54:54 and he's like, "Yeah, and then when you double
00:54:56 "and they trouble, never toss the ball from here to here.
00:54:59 "You just gotta hold the ball like this, right?
00:55:02 "Just like this."
00:55:03 And it's just, you know, and he flows, but, yeah.
00:55:06 - I like it.
00:55:07 I don't even know the guy, but that was a good impression.
00:55:08 - Yeah, that was perfect.
00:55:09 That was perfect.
00:55:10 We should call Skip, though.
00:55:11 He'd be like, "Yo, what's up, guys?"
00:55:12 You know what I'm saying?
00:55:13 "Yeah, I'm Skip."
00:55:15 - "What's up, yeah, what's up?"
00:55:16 - You listen to him when he talks about ball security,
00:55:18 'cause you catch passes.
00:55:19 - I do. - Yeah, two touch shots.
00:55:20 - I do have two teddies.
00:55:21 - Yeah, no big deal.
00:55:22 - I wanna break the record.
00:55:24 - What's the record?
00:55:24 - I think it's six, if I'm correct.
00:55:26 I think it's Donald Penn, if I'm correct.
00:55:27 - You can do it.
00:55:28 I think more offensive linemen should actually
00:55:30 do celebrations after a good play,
00:55:32 like when they make a good block.
00:55:33 - Yeah, pancake block.
00:55:34 - They don't let us do shit, bro.
00:55:36 - But you can do it in the end zone when you score,
00:55:37 but you can't do it after a good block?
00:55:39 - See, I think it'll be funner on the line of scrimmage.
00:55:42 Imagine if you cleaned somebody out on a pool
00:55:45 or something like that, and you can just do a Jeff Hardy,
00:55:49 you know what I'm saying?
00:55:50 (imitates Jeff Hardy)
00:55:51 You know what I'm saying?
00:55:52 Like some cool-- - That's what I'm saying.
00:55:53 - We can't do that.
00:55:54 They'll be like-- - You should do that.
00:55:55 Personal taunting.
00:55:57 - Let us live, you know what I'm saying?
00:56:00 You don't get no shine.
00:56:00 - You knock the guy out, and they're like,
00:56:02 "Flag for making him feel bad."
00:56:03 - Facts.
00:56:04 - You stood over him.
00:56:06 (laughing)
00:56:08 Like, duh, he's on the ground.
00:56:09 (laughing)
00:56:10 - Yeah, what do you mean?
00:56:11 I put him there.
00:56:12 - Fuck, he's there.
00:56:12 Like, that's what the game is, right?
00:56:14 No, like--
00:56:15 - See, I be trying to tell people, right?
00:56:17 Football is like, everybody wants their team to win.
00:56:20 Oh, we're gonna go to the Super Bowl,
00:56:21 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:56:22 Like, everybody, right?
00:56:23 - That's what was mocking us. - It's entertainment, though.
00:56:26 It's entertainment, right?
00:56:28 Like, football is entertainment, and we are at work.
00:56:31 But I think that at a point,
00:56:35 multiple people should be able to be eligible, right?
00:56:38 Like, imagine if the center could block
00:56:40 and then come out and catch a pass.
00:56:42 - Yeah, make it one.
00:56:43 - Or like, if a left tackle could be in the middle
00:56:45 of a pass throw and be like, "Oh," and then turn.
00:56:47 Or like, you know, like, that should be dope.
00:56:49 - Yeah, that would be.
00:56:51 - That would be.
00:56:52 - NFL is the NFL.
00:56:53 - Yeah, well, Dion, this has been awesome.
00:56:55 I know you have a meeting you gotta go to.
00:56:56 I don't want you to be late,
00:56:58 'cause you'll probably get in trouble.
00:56:59 - We're fine.
00:57:00 - Just tell 'em that it was us.
00:57:01 - Is it?
00:57:02 - Yeah, tell 'em that it was us.
00:57:02 - You got some time?
00:57:03 - Yeah, but--
00:57:05 - Yeah.
00:57:06 - You'll be all right.
00:57:07 - I had everyone pointing to me, being like,
00:57:08 "Dion's gotta be late."
00:57:09 You just tell Sean McDermott that you were with us.
00:57:11 - You know, I would take this charge.
00:57:13 - Yeah?
00:57:14 - Yeah, I would take this warning,
00:57:15 so you guys have as much time as you want.
00:57:18 (laughing)
00:57:19 - The guys in the back were freaking out.
00:57:20 They're like, "What the fuck?
00:57:22 "What the fuck?"
00:57:22 - I like you guys, so--
00:57:23 - "What the fuck?"
00:57:24 - I would take this charge, so.
00:57:25 - What's the fine for being late to a meeting?
00:57:27 - Warning.
00:57:27 First one is just a warning, so.
00:57:28 - Okay, and you haven't gotten a warning yet?
00:57:30 - Zero.
00:57:30 - Okay.
00:57:31 - This is like you give and you take.
00:57:33 This is something that--
00:57:35 - Okay.
00:57:35 - It's worth it.
00:57:36 - All right, well, I have one last question.
00:57:37 It's a Roback question, R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com.
00:57:40 Use promo code TAKE, 20% off first purchase.
00:57:42 I'm wearing the shorts right now.
00:57:44 Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, shorts, everything.
00:57:47 Roback.com, the best in the biz.
00:57:49 - Yeah, I love it.
00:57:50 - What's it like being back in the dorms?
00:57:51 Is it weird?
00:57:52 - Not at all, bro.
00:57:53 - Really, you like it?
00:57:54 - Bro, I was a guy, you know?
00:57:56 So going back to the dorms,
00:57:58 it just brings me back to all the fuckery that goes on.
00:58:02 But here, they make it so elite
00:58:05 'cause you would think that we're all on twin size beds,
00:58:08 but we're not.
00:58:09 We're all on kings somewhere.
00:58:11 - Nice.
00:58:12 - They feel like California kings.
00:58:13 I'd be stretched, you know?
00:58:14 And the room is smaller, so it's ice cold in there.
00:58:17 You got your own little shitter.
00:58:19 You're good.
00:58:19 - That's perfect.
00:58:20 - Josh made it seem like you guys were in prison.
00:58:21 He was trying to show off how gritty he was.
00:58:23 - I mean, Josh makes 250 million.
00:58:25 (laughing)
00:58:26 It's a shitty for him, you know what I'm saying?
00:58:29 Golden toilets and jumping over guys, you know?
00:58:32 He gets to see himself on holograms when he takes a piss.
00:58:34 - You make a good amount of money.
00:58:36 You make it, what was it, 60 million you signed for?
00:58:39 - I got some bread.
00:58:40 - When you inked that, was it everything
00:58:42 that you ever dreamed of and more?
00:58:44 - It was, yes.
00:58:46 I can't, yes.
00:58:47 It was a life-changing experience just from a pen.
00:58:51 Just one step pen, when you finish your signature, boom.
00:58:55 That money is there, you know?
00:58:57 But you enjoy it in the moment,
00:59:02 and then when you have it, it kind of puts
00:59:05 like a huge amount of stress on you, like holy fuck.
00:59:08 Like I'm the guy now.
00:59:09 Like I can't fuck up, I'm the guy.
00:59:11 This is, the aunt's supposed to be this, this, this, this.
00:59:13 And then you kind of just settle in,
00:59:15 and then you chase another one.
00:59:16 - Yeah.
00:59:17 - Is that weird?
00:59:18 I always think that that would be weird
00:59:20 if you're a professional athlete
00:59:21 and everybody out there knows what your salary is.
00:59:23 - It's dumb.
00:59:24 - Yeah.
00:59:25 - But I guess like in the athletic world,
00:59:28 like it separates players,
00:59:30 but like I just think it would be fair
00:59:33 if everybody's shit was like on display.
00:59:37 Like I want to know what the coach makes.
00:59:38 I want to know what the GM makes.
00:59:39 I want to know what the coaches make.
00:59:42 Like our individual coaches.
00:59:43 I want to know what the strength coach makes.
00:59:44 I want to know everything.
00:59:45 - We make $75,000 an episode.
00:59:47 - I was going to say it's actually $80,000.
00:59:49 - $80,000.
00:59:50 - And three board apes.
00:59:51 - Yeah, three board apes.
00:59:52 - And what?
00:59:52 - Three board apes, the NFTs.
00:59:54 - Oh wow.
00:59:55 - My board ape just hit right now.
00:59:56 - Every single episode.
00:59:57 - Yeah, that's fire.
00:59:58 - I'm stacking apes.
00:59:59 - Sick.
00:59:59 - So like what do you guys do?
01:00:00 - This.
01:00:01 - This.
01:00:02 - Like with your cash?
01:00:03 - Oh.
01:00:04 - Oh, my cash?
01:00:05 - We get $75,000 in a bag handed to us after every episode.
01:00:08 - Oh yeah.
01:00:09 - Good job.
01:00:10 - Where do we invest it?
01:00:11 - Oh.
01:00:12 - Like what do you do with it?
01:00:13 - Well yeah, I guess invest it,
01:00:13 but like do you guys do like anything fun?
01:00:15 - I turn it into more apes.
01:00:16 - Okay.
01:00:17 - And pretty soon I'm going to have all the apes.
01:00:18 - Yeah.
01:00:19 - Again.
01:00:20 - I'm going to be ape slayer.
01:00:21 - Yeah, I'm going to be ape monopoly.
01:00:22 - Yeah.
01:00:23 - Nice.
01:00:24 - It's going to be amazing.
01:00:25 - I'm going to be a board of apes.
01:00:25 - Yeah.
01:00:26 - Yeah.
01:00:27 - No, I don't do, I don't really spend a lot of money.
01:00:28 - Yeah.
01:00:29 - What kind of car you drive?
01:00:30 - Dog food.
01:00:30 - Mercedes?
01:00:31 - What kind of Mercedes?
01:00:32 - GLS 450.
01:00:34 - Nice, what about you?
01:00:35 - I got a Jeep Wrangler.
01:00:36 - Any wins?
01:00:37 - Four by E.
01:00:38 - How big are your tires?
01:00:40 - They're 24s.
01:00:41 - Okay.
01:00:42 - So I guess a car.
01:00:43 - Nice.
01:00:44 - But everything else is just like, yeah,
01:00:45 I just, I try to make enough money
01:00:47 that I can lose at gambling.
01:00:48 - Facts.
01:00:49 - Yeah, it's a nice life.
01:00:49 All right, well, Dion, this has been awesome, man.
01:00:51 You're a recurring guest now,
01:00:52 so we got to have you back on.
01:00:53 - Appreciate you, bro.
01:00:53 - You're the best.
01:00:54 When we saw this interview, we were like,
01:00:55 this is going to rule.
01:00:56 - Love, bro.
01:00:57 - So yeah.
01:00:58 - Yeah, you're coming back.
01:00:59 - Thanks for everything.
01:01:00 - For sure.
01:01:00 - Thanks, man.
01:01:01 - Appreciate it.
01:01:02 (whooshing)
01:01:03 - Dion Dawkins was brought to you by Verizon.
01:01:05 I'm a Verizon customer.
01:01:06 I've got Verizon right here on my phone.
01:01:08 Football is back.
01:01:09 In this season, Verizon is making sure
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01:01:59 If you're a football fan, you gotta be on Verizon.
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01:02:16 Love you, Verizon.
01:02:17 Shout out, Verizon.
01:02:18 - Okay, Mount Rushmore time.
01:02:21 We're doing the Mount Rushmore of things that are not real
01:02:26 in honor of Tiffany Gomez, plain lady,
01:02:29 who finally emerged after months of not being around.
01:02:34 I don't know, she made a really weird video.
01:02:37 - I thought it was a great video.
01:02:39 - Well, yeah, she looked great in it.
01:02:41 She like apologized, no apology necessary.
01:02:45 - Listen, if you in your heart of hearts
01:02:47 believe that there's somebody
01:02:48 who's a not real motherfucker on a plane,
01:02:50 you should say something.
01:02:51 If you see something, say something.
01:02:53 If there's a reptilian on the plane, I wanna know.
01:02:55 I find it interesting that we haven't gotten
01:02:57 the other camera angle to show exactly
01:02:59 who she was pointing at.
01:03:01 We don't know, we don't know.
01:03:02 She might be right.
01:03:03 In fact, I think she is right.
01:03:04 I've reached out to her.
01:03:06 I said, "Hey, Tiffany, big fan.
01:03:07 "Let's take a stand together versus online bullying."
01:03:10 Because she's been bullied over it.
01:03:12 She's been bullied over getting kicked off an airplane
01:03:14 and delaying a flight for a couple hundred people, whatever.
01:03:17 Who amongst us hasn't done that?
01:03:19 And so I invite her here to come on part of my take
01:03:22 and discuss. - Love it.
01:03:23 - And we'll see. - I also,
01:03:25 I'm of the belief she delayed that flight,
01:03:27 she saved all their lives.
01:03:29 Something would have happened if it had gone off as planned.
01:03:32 - You never know, the domino theory.
01:03:34 - Right, butterfly effect.
01:03:35 So Tiffany Gomez, you're our queen.
01:03:38 Yeah, I like her a lot as a person.
01:03:42 - I think she's really smart.
01:03:43 - Yeah, right.
01:03:44 - I like her brain.
01:03:45 - I do too.
01:03:46 She's just something about her.
01:03:48 I really like her.
01:03:51 - I feel like I can trust her.
01:03:52 - I like her more than a friend.
01:03:53 - I can trust her.
01:03:55 You get a sense when you look at somebody
01:03:57 whether or not you like her and I'm looking at her.
01:03:59 - I like her. - And I like her.
01:04:00 - I like her a lot.
01:04:01 Okay, so Mop Rushmore, things that are not real.
01:04:04 - She's also so strong.
01:04:05 - So strong.
01:04:07 - She's strong. - She's strong.
01:04:07 - She's very strong. - You can see her traps.
01:04:09 - That's a strong woman.
01:04:10 - You don't wear that type of cut shirt if you're not strong.
01:04:14 She's strong.
01:04:15 Okay, Mop Rushmore, things that are not real.
01:04:20 What's the updated standards?
01:04:23 - They count PFC with 23
01:04:24 and the rest of the team's tied with 21.
01:04:26 - All right, it's getting tight.
01:04:27 - I think there's nine left, right?
01:04:28 Three weeks, we're ending right before Labor Day.
01:04:31 - Yes, three weeks left.
01:04:32 - Nine left.
01:04:34 - Okay, who's up? - The order is Hank and Max
01:04:36 become PFT, me, Billy.
01:04:37 - Okay, so Hank is not here, so it's just Max?
01:04:40 - Hank is freaking out.
01:04:41 - Are you putting him on speakerphone?
01:04:43 - Do you want me to?
01:04:44 - Yeah. - You can.
01:04:45 - If he'll pick up.
01:04:46 - No, he's texted me five times during this recording
01:04:51 asking if I'm cooking.
01:04:52 (laughing)
01:04:54 - Okay, okay.
01:04:56 - All right, I'm FaceTiming him.
01:04:58 - Hank's on vacation for anyone who didn't realize
01:05:00 that I was assumed.
01:05:03 - Anytime he's not here, it's vacation.
01:05:04 - I just also want to say that with Tiffany Gomez,
01:05:07 I would like her to be in person.
01:05:08 I think it'd be a better interview if she was in person.
01:05:10 - And maybe over dinner, we'll do our first dinner.
01:05:12 - Yeah, we'll just talk about it.
01:05:13 - All right, first dinner.
01:05:14 - All right, here's Hank.
01:05:16 - Okay, Hank's there.
01:05:17 Hank.
01:05:20 Hey, Hank.
01:05:23 - Can you hear them, Hank?
01:05:24 - He's, he can't hear me.
01:05:26 - All right, he's not saying anything.
01:05:28 I think he legitimately just wants to listen.
01:05:30 - Okay.
01:05:31 - All right, well, Hank's listening, being a creep.
01:05:33 I was gonna ask Hank's thoughts on Tiffany Gomez
01:05:35 as a person.
01:05:37 - Hank, what are your thoughts on Tiffany Gomez as a person?
01:05:39 - Nothing.
01:05:43 - Wow.
01:05:43 - Yeah, we got nothing.
01:05:45 - Hank wouldn't smash, put it out.
01:05:47 - Yeah, pass.
01:05:48 - Put it out, Hank would pass.
01:05:49 Wow, all right, more for us.
01:05:51 - Okay, one, one.
01:05:53 Okay.
01:05:55 - Oh, he said one.
01:05:56 (laughing)
01:05:58 - All right, please update all the press releases
01:06:03 and change it, Hank would smash.
01:06:05 - One, one, birds, not real.
01:06:09 - Birds, okay, all right.
01:06:10 A little unoriginal, but that's fine.
01:06:12 - All right.
01:06:13 - I mean, that's what this is about.
01:06:14 - So go off on that.
01:06:16 What do you mean that birds aren't real?
01:06:18 - Birds aren't real, they're a government plant.
01:06:21 - So you're just reading this guy's website now?
01:06:23 - And I mean, there was a whole movement about it.
01:06:26 - Yeah, it was a--
01:06:26 - Have you ever seen a bunch of birds go on to--
01:06:28 - Is that a parody?
01:06:29 - Yeah, it was satire.
01:06:29 - It was satire.
01:06:30 - Yeah, birds aren't real.
01:06:32 Have you ever seen them on telephone wires?
01:06:34 That's them charging.
01:06:35 - I kind of like that part.
01:06:35 - That's them charging.
01:06:36 - That part is awesome.
01:06:37 - That is the best thing of, if I'm on a road trip,
01:06:40 that's something that I will always say.
01:06:41 If you see birds on a little cable line,
01:06:43 it's like, oh yeah, that's them charging.
01:06:44 - Yeah.
01:06:45 - They're charging.
01:06:46 - You've never seen a baby pigeon, right?
01:06:48 - Oh wait, I think Hank's trying to say something.
01:06:49 - You've never seen a baby bird.
01:06:51 - You've never seen a baby bird.
01:06:52 - I've seen lots of baby birds.
01:06:53 - I've seen so many baby birds.
01:06:55 - Laurie Markkinen.
01:06:57 - There's tons of baby birds.
01:06:58 - No, you've never seen one.
01:07:00 - Okay, our one one is easy.
01:07:02 - So easy.
01:07:03 - Should we say it at the same time?
01:07:05 - Yeah.
01:07:06 - Three, two, one.
01:07:07 - The female orgasm. - The female orgasm.
01:07:09 - Not real. - Not real.
01:07:10 - Not real. - Not real.
01:07:11 - Big orgasm has been lying to you guys.
01:07:13 Girls don't come.
01:07:14 - They don't.
01:07:15 And to pretend that they do is a slap in our face.
01:07:19 - They just do it because they like to make us feel bad
01:07:21 for coming too quick.
01:07:22 - Right, exactly.
01:07:23 They can do the whole moans and everything,
01:07:25 but let's be honest, let's get real honest here.
01:07:29 That shit's not real.
01:07:30 Guys come, girls don't.
01:07:31 - Yeah, it was probably a clitoris
01:07:32 sitting in the back row of that airplane.
01:07:35 - Yeah.
01:07:36 - That's not real.
01:07:36 - Yeah, right. - I'm out of here.
01:07:37 - Exactly, exactly.
01:07:38 So, and they make you feel bad about
01:07:41 the whole non-orgasm thing,
01:07:43 but really they're just doing that
01:07:46 knowing that in their heart of hearts
01:07:48 there is no female orgasm.
01:07:51 It just doesn't exist.
01:07:52 - And squirts just pee.
01:07:53 - Yeah.
01:07:54 - We got it on our list.
01:07:55 - You had it on your list?
01:07:55 - Yeah. - Nice.
01:07:56 Well, Mr. Positions, you probably.
01:07:57 - Yeah.
01:07:58 - If anyone can crack the case, you're Oppenheimer.
01:08:00 - You're like sting over here.
01:08:02 - Put him in a lab in New Mexico,
01:08:04 Mr. Positions will find a female orgasm.
01:08:07 - Yeah.
01:08:08 - Okay, is Billy contributing anymore?
01:08:11 - Yeah.
01:08:12 - Oh, he is.
01:08:13 - He's active in the group chat.
01:08:14 - Nice.
01:08:15 - Yeah.
01:08:16 - Did he have birds?
01:08:17 - Yes.
01:08:18 - Okay.
01:08:19 - That was, actually no, that was Meme's recommendation.
01:08:21 - Yeah.
01:08:22 (laughing)
01:08:26 - Okay, we're gonna go with Manti Teo's girlfriend.
01:08:30 - Okay. - Okay, good pick.
01:08:31 - Not real, not real.
01:08:32 Good pick.
01:08:33 - We did not have that one.
01:08:34 - That was Billy.
01:08:35 - Yeah, it's a great pick.
01:08:36 - Good pick.
01:08:37 But actually, she was real.
01:08:40 She was just a he saying that, yeah, no,
01:08:44 I mean, like technically he was talking to a person.
01:08:47 That is true.
01:08:49 - But Manti Teo's girlfriend.
01:08:50 - It was not Linnea Kakua, yes.
01:08:52 - Yes. - Correct.
01:08:53 - And then we're gonna go with the moon landing.
01:08:56 - All right.
01:08:56 - Okay, not real.
01:08:58 Interesting.
01:09:00 - Dallas Goddard.
01:09:00 - You wanted anything else on that?
01:09:02 - Jay, do you believe the moon landing is real?
01:09:05 - I don't know, I think so.
01:09:09 Even though we picked it.
01:09:10 - We just took it in things that aren't real.
01:09:11 - Because it's things that most people
01:09:13 wouldn't think aren't real.
01:09:14 - Okay, all right, interesting.
01:09:16 - I think we go with two, PFT.
01:09:18 - Okay.
01:09:19 - Yeah, yeah, go ahead, do it.
01:09:21 - All right, number two on this list.
01:09:23 The in stadium mile per hour numbers
01:09:27 for pitchers on the home team.
01:09:28 - Not real.
01:09:29 - Not real.
01:09:30 It's always like five miles per hour higher
01:09:33 than they really are.
01:09:33 - There's no chance that's real, cannot.
01:09:36 - Stadium MPH for the home team.
01:09:39 - Yeah, as a side pick, Statscast is not real as well.
01:09:42 - For home team pitchers.
01:09:43 - Yep.
01:09:44 - Yep, okay.
01:09:45 - The in stadium MPH for home team.
01:09:49 - Yeah, all right.
01:09:50 - So us.
01:09:51 First one we're gonna go with women pooping.
01:09:55 - Oh, okay, not real.
01:09:56 - Not real, they don't do it.
01:09:57 - They don't poop or cum.
01:09:58 - Yep, yep.
01:09:59 - Got it.
01:10:00 - This is a big women aren't real.
01:10:01 - Yeah.
01:10:02 (laughing)
01:10:03 - Well, except Tiffany Gomez.
01:10:04 - Yeah, yeah, she's real.
01:10:06 - She can poop on me.
01:10:07 - And then the next one, really the OG conspiracy,
01:10:10 Tupac's death.
01:10:12 - Oh.
01:10:12 - Not real.
01:10:13 - Oh.
01:10:14 - I like that.
01:10:15 - Okay, okay, interesting.
01:10:17 Is Hank listening to this?
01:10:19 - Yeah, she's listening.
01:10:22 - Okay.
01:10:23 - We're sending some texts.
01:10:24 - Okay, 'cause I have a third,
01:10:26 I think we should go, now we unleash it.
01:10:29 Okay, things that are not real.
01:10:31 Henry Lockwood's resume when applying to Barstool Sports.
01:10:36 - Okay.
01:10:37 - Hank.
01:10:38 - I guess that'll take down the anonymous.
01:10:41 - What do you mean, what does that mean?
01:10:43 I have it right here.
01:10:45 First of all, Hank, when is your birthday?
01:10:47 - June 13th.
01:10:49 - Okay, so on June 13th, 2013, how old were you?
01:10:53 - 19.
01:10:56 - Okay, so on your resume, it was dated May 15th, 2013,
01:11:01 and he wrote, "I'm a 20-year-old stoolie
01:11:03 "through and through."
01:11:05 (laughing)
01:11:06 He also spelled the word guarantee, G-A-R-U-N-T-E-E.
01:11:11 (laughing)
01:11:13 And then we get to the brass tacks here.
01:11:14 He says, "More importantly, I am soon to be graduating
01:11:17 "from Boston University's Center for Digital Imaging Arts."
01:11:20 Is that university real?
01:11:22 - It was when I--
01:11:24 - Yeah, it's not real anymore.
01:11:26 And then he says, "What does this mean for you
01:11:29 "and your campaign?
01:11:30 "It means that I have the skills, the equipment,
01:11:33 "and the manpower necessary to write, produce,
01:11:36 "and edit any kind of video you can possibly imagine
01:11:40 "or want to get made in any location at any time
01:11:44 "and make it look professional for free."
01:11:47 Hank, how--
01:11:48 - Those are all facts.
01:11:49 - No, they are not!
01:11:51 How much equipment did you have?
01:11:53 - I had unlimited equipment.
01:11:57 - From where?
01:11:58 From where?
01:11:59 - The Boston University Center for Digital--
01:12:02 - That wasn't real?
01:12:04 - Yes, it was.
01:12:06 - No way, you can't find it right now.
01:12:09 He goes on to basically--
01:12:10 - Wait, Hank, I'm curious.
01:12:11 - It's Northwestern, we got unaccredited.
01:12:13 (laughing)
01:12:15 - No, no, Northwestern still exists.
01:12:16 This place doesn't exist.
01:12:17 - And Hank, when you said that you had all the manpower,
01:12:20 how much manpower did you have?
01:12:22 (laughing)
01:12:23 - Yeah, me, I was the manpower.
01:12:26 - I'm also trained and experienced in motion graphics.
01:12:29 Is that true?
01:12:30 - Is that video?
01:12:30 Does that just mean videos?
01:12:32 - Color correction to ensure the quality of the video
01:12:34 is top-notch.
01:12:35 Everyone can go watch the Combine video.
01:12:37 This is where all of these skills were on display.
01:12:41 And then he finally says at the end,
01:12:44 this part is real, part of it is real.
01:12:46 I'm attaching my demo reel that I give to the corporations.
01:12:50 How many corporations did you give it to?
01:12:52 - The Museum of Science.
01:12:55 - When applying at their companies,
01:12:57 as well as my resume and my Gronk the World video
01:13:01 I made before I went to film school along with the buddies,
01:13:04 my buddies at shows deep down.
01:13:06 I'm just a movie junkie stoolie and loves to smash it.
01:13:10 Yeah, that wasn't real.
01:13:11 - The Gronk the World video was so real.
01:13:14 - That part was real,
01:13:15 but everything else was just a lie on this resume.
01:13:17 - That's a terrible pick, but that's fine.
01:13:21 - No, it's a great pick 'cause you know.
01:13:23 - I mean, everything I, whatever, it's a terrible pick.
01:13:26 - You did not have the manpower.
01:13:29 - He had unlimited manpower.
01:13:30 - Unlimited manpower and all of the,
01:13:33 to produce and edit any kind of video
01:13:36 you can possibly imagine or want to get made
01:13:38 in any location at any time
01:13:40 and make it look professional for free.
01:13:42 Hank?
01:13:46 - That's fact.
01:13:47 - Okay, all right, that's our pick.
01:13:49 - Good pick.
01:13:50 Henry Lockwood's resume when applying to Barstool Sports.
01:13:53 - Yes, as a 19 year old saying he's 20.
01:13:57 - Guaranteed.
01:13:58 Okay, our last two.
01:14:02 We're first going to go with
01:14:05 the 2020 NBA Bubble Championship.
01:14:07 - Oh, good pick.
01:14:08 - That's a good pick.
01:14:10 - Was that you, Jake?
01:14:10 - That was memes.
01:14:11 - Good pick memes.
01:14:12 - Good pick.
01:14:13 - Yeah, I mean, everyone talks about Mickey Mouse.
01:14:17 - Yeah, no, it's not real.
01:14:18 - Didn't happen.
01:14:19 - Do you guys think you'd be saying if LeBron didn't win?
01:14:21 - No, not at all.
01:14:22 - Absolutely not.
01:14:23 - First time, Jake, first time hearing this show.
01:14:26 (laughing)
01:14:28 - Welcome, Jake.
01:14:29 - Yeah, if your teams wanted it, you'd be saying.
01:14:31 - Oh yeah, it's a 30%.
01:14:32 - It's the hardest championship ever.
01:14:34 - We'd make a bigger banner.
01:14:36 - Who won the?
01:14:37 - Yeah.
01:14:38 - What is Hank saying?
01:14:39 - Are you saying something, Hank?
01:14:43 (laughing)
01:14:46 - Okay, this just shows that Hank
01:14:49 does not trust you whatsoever.
01:14:51 - No, he does.
01:14:52 He's been tweeting, we're good, we're good.
01:14:54 He's letting me cook.
01:14:54 - Okay.
01:14:55 - All right, our final pick is Epstein killing himself.
01:14:59 - Okay, good pick, Billy.
01:15:00 - Okay, good pick, Billy.
01:15:01 - Nope, memes.
01:15:02 - Oh, memes.
01:15:03 - Yeah.
01:15:04 - Okay.
01:15:04 - This is a top of the grade up Billy's alluring show.
01:15:05 - If it's helping, you shouldn't get memes too.
01:15:08 - Okay, so.
01:15:09 - Yeah, I didn't know Billy was still helping.
01:15:10 It should just be you and Billy.
01:15:12 - Okay.
01:15:13 - No more memes.
01:15:14 - Bye, memes.
01:15:14 - See you, memes.
01:15:15 I mean, memes was supposed to be in place of Billy.
01:15:18 - I thought it wasn't.
01:15:19 - Well, I think we put memes on the team
01:15:20 with the understanding that Billy would probably not.
01:15:23 - Yeah, right.
01:15:23 If Billy doesn't contribute, you can ask memes.
01:15:26 If he does, go with Billy.
01:15:27 - Like if I ask Billy and he ghosts me, then I can.
01:15:29 - Correct, correct.
01:15:30 - Fair, fair.
01:15:31 - All right, PFT, what do we want to do?
01:15:33 - I like 14.
01:15:35 - 14's great.
01:15:37 14 for, let's go 14.
01:15:40 - Okay.
01:15:41 McDonald's fries calories when eating them in the car.
01:15:45 Those aren't real.
01:15:46 - Not even real food.
01:15:47 - Don't count.
01:15:48 Especially the bottom of the bag, the extra fries.
01:15:51 - And double especially as you're driving.
01:15:53 - Yes, yes.
01:15:54 - I was thinking of just saying like calories overall.
01:15:57 - Calories are fake.
01:15:59 - Right.
01:16:00 - Right, but these especially.
01:16:02 Like you get a side fry for the car.
01:16:04 That doesn't count.
01:16:06 Like if you ate a side fry,
01:16:07 it's kind of like going to like Costco or Sam's Club.
01:16:10 If you get a bunch of the free samples
01:16:13 and then you walk out, you're like,
01:16:14 yeah, I haven't eaten anything today.
01:16:16 That doesn't count.
01:16:17 - If you have, you can also have the fries
01:16:19 like in your garage after you get home
01:16:21 and you're waiting to go in the house.
01:16:23 - It's very similar to eating anything
01:16:26 at your kitchen counter standing up.
01:16:28 - Yep.
01:16:28 - Those aren't, that's not real calories.
01:16:29 - Or in front of the fridge.
01:16:30 In front of the fridge.
01:16:31 - Yeah.
01:16:32 - Yeah, Tony Soprano never ate a cold cut in his life.
01:16:33 - Right, right.
01:16:34 If you ask me like, did you eat today?
01:16:36 I actually didn't eat anything today.
01:16:37 - If the fridge is still open, still open,
01:16:40 then there's no calories.
01:16:41 - There's a great scene in The Sopranos
01:16:42 where I think Tony is,
01:16:44 he's getting broken up with.
01:16:45 Carmella like divorces him.
01:16:47 Says like, I'm moving out.
01:16:48 And Tony's at the fridge
01:16:50 and he just goes back to eating the cold cuts.
01:16:52 But like sadly at the fridge.
01:16:54 - Yeah.
01:16:55 - Just divorce cold cuts.
01:16:55 - Yeah.
01:16:56 - All right, your last pick.
01:16:57 - Taxes.
01:16:58 - Not real.
01:16:59 - Okay, disavow.
01:17:00 - Yeah.
01:17:01 I'm gonna disagree with that one.
01:17:02 - I pay extra taxes.
01:17:04 - Yeah.
01:17:05 - Yeah, but they're not real.
01:17:06 - You guys had a good draft going in that one.
01:17:08 That might've fucked you.
01:17:09 - Yeah.
01:17:10 - Actually, no, I think Jake had the best draft.
01:17:13 - Jake had a good one.
01:17:13 - Our team.
01:17:14 - Yeah.
01:17:15 - Well, memes.
01:17:16 - No.
01:17:17 - Memes had the best draft.
01:17:18 - Three of the four were Billy's.
01:17:19 - Be a real shame if you tag the IRS in this draft.
01:17:21 - I think two of the four.
01:17:22 - Mm-hmm.
01:17:23 Actually, Byrds was a bad pick.
01:17:26 That's just, I mean, it seems like.
01:17:27 - That's like the most internet thing of all time.
01:17:29 - Right.
01:17:30 - Go Byrds, you're fucking Eagles fan.
01:17:32 - Oh, wow, yeah, you can't say go Byrds.
01:17:34 - Not real.
01:17:35 - You can't say go Byrds.
01:17:36 - Yes, I can.
01:17:37 - No, the Byrds are fraudulent.
01:17:38 - Go fakes.
01:17:39 - No, I can say go Byrds.
01:17:39 - Yeah, go fakes.
01:17:41 I have a, all right, so let's do honorable mentions.
01:17:43 - Yeah, I have some honorable mentions.
01:17:45 - Do you have ones that Hank wouldn't let you say?
01:17:48 - No.
01:17:49 - Yes, you do.
01:17:51 I have a spicy one that doesn't make any sense,
01:17:55 but I'll just say it.
01:17:56 I don't think shark attacks are real.
01:17:58 - Well, they're very rare.
01:17:59 - I just don't think they're real.
01:18:00 - They're very rare.
01:18:01 - I don't think, I think someone like hits their leg
01:18:03 on like a coral reef or something.
01:18:05 - Sharks have a great marketing team
01:18:06 where every time there's like two shark attacks a year
01:18:08 and then it's just national news.
01:18:09 - I don't believe them.
01:18:10 - They're real.
01:18:11 - I don't believe them.
01:18:12 I do not think they're real.
01:18:14 I think someone's a bad swimmer.
01:18:15 - There's definitely AWLs who have been bitten by a shark.
01:18:17 - Okay, you're a bad swimmer.
01:18:18 - I would--
01:18:19 - So you're a shark attack survivor, you're a bad swimmer.
01:18:20 - I would love to get bitten by a shark.
01:18:21 - If you're an AWL that's been bitten by a shark,
01:18:23 tag me in your story.
01:18:25 - And I'll be like, you're not, it's fake what happened.
01:18:28 You probably stubbed your toe and then overreacted.
01:18:30 - Can you imagine how sick that would be though
01:18:32 for the rest of your life?
01:18:33 You're in a bar, you're wearing shorts.
01:18:35 You've got just a bite mark on your calf.
01:18:36 - Oh, of course.
01:18:37 - It'd be amazing.
01:18:38 - Yeah, but it's not real.
01:18:40 I said it was a hot take.
01:18:41 All right, Max, give us the ones that you--
01:18:44 - I really wanted to do today's version of Avril Lavigne.
01:18:47 - Oh, good pick.
01:18:48 - Hank also, Wind was another one
01:18:52 that probably wouldn't have looked good on a graphic, but.
01:18:54 - Yeah, Tamar Hamlin.
01:18:56 - Yeah, Tamar Hamlin, not real.
01:18:58 Hank liked money.
01:19:01 - Okay.
01:19:02 - Money and taxes, both not real.
01:19:04 - Oh, a good one actually would have been Bitcoin.
01:19:06 That shit's not real.
01:19:07 - Hank's low key right about money not being real though.
01:19:10 - He said you just spend it.
01:19:11 - Yeah.
01:19:12 (laughing)
01:19:14 - I want Hank to be the fucking,
01:19:17 just give us the econ class one day.
01:19:19 Maybe next time, put a reminder in,
01:19:21 Hank's econ class,
01:19:24 July 26th, 2024.
01:19:29 - That's Friday, Thursday 25th?
01:19:31 - Yup, perfect, Hank's econ class.
01:19:33 I want him to just sit us down.
01:19:33 - What's the context when we forget about this?
01:19:35 - No, just Hank teaches us about the economy.
01:19:37 - Hank teaches all his thoughts on the economy.
01:19:39 - Okay, Hank teaches us an econ class.
01:19:42 - Yes, yes, yes.
01:19:44 - I had aircraft carriers.
01:19:46 - Yup.
01:19:47 - They weigh over 220 million pounds
01:19:49 and they float somehow.
01:19:50 And we're supposed to believe this?
01:19:52 - Yup.
01:19:52 - They've got, you land airplanes on them and they float.
01:19:55 - Similar to that, I had clouds.
01:19:57 Clouds being one billion pounds.
01:20:00 That's not real.
01:20:00 - That's a total weight for every cloud?
01:20:02 - For an average cloud.
01:20:04 An average fully grown cloud.
01:20:05 - An average cloud weighs a billion pounds?
01:20:06 - Not a Wonder Freckle cloud, an average adult cloud.
01:20:10 - Hank just texted me flying whales.
01:20:13 - Flying, oh, flying whales across the country.
01:20:15 - Oh, right.
01:20:17 I was thinking of like,
01:20:19 whales jumping out of the water.
01:20:19 - Whales with like wings.
01:20:21 - We're always reminded of this.
01:20:22 The yellow line, watching a football game.
01:20:24 - Not yet.
01:20:25 - The yellow line's not real.
01:20:26 - Not official.
01:20:27 - Yeah, the yellow line, yeah.
01:20:28 - Emmitt Smith, when he played for the Cardinals,
01:20:30 that never happened.
01:20:31 - The other one is Jerry Rice for the Seahawks.
01:20:33 - That never, definitely never happened.
01:20:34 Andre Johnson played for the Titans.
01:20:37 - Yeah.
01:20:38 - That didn't happen.
01:20:38 - That did not happen.
01:20:39 That one's crazy.
01:20:40 Who did T.O. play for at the end?
01:20:42 He played on the Bengals and the Bills.
01:20:44 - He played on the Niners?
01:20:45 - No, well, he played on the Niners.
01:20:46 - Oh yeah, he was good on the Niners.
01:20:48 - He was okay on the Bills, I think.
01:20:49 - The Bengals was the weird one.
01:20:50 - The Bengals was very weird.
01:20:52 - Seahawks.
01:20:53 - I had a weird stat.
01:20:55 Larry Fitzgerald has more tackles than drop passes.
01:20:58 - It's unreal.
01:20:59 - That's crazy.
01:21:00 LeBron playing 20 plus seasons in the NBA
01:21:04 without a significant injury.
01:21:06 - That's just interesting.
01:21:06 - That's not real.
01:21:07 - That's interesting.
01:21:08 - That is not real.
01:21:09 That's not God-given.
01:21:11 That's not real.
01:21:11 Any others?
01:21:14 - Magic Eye posters.
01:21:15 Magic Eye posters, not real.
01:21:16 - I lied for so long and said that I could see him.
01:21:19 I'd be like, "Oh yeah, I see the giraffe."
01:21:21 Never seen a Magic Eye in my life.
01:21:22 - Nope, nope.
01:21:23 Max, you have others?
01:21:25 - Nope, I think that's it.
01:21:27 - Okay, this is a fun one.
01:21:29 - Shohei Otani.
01:21:30 - Yeah, not real.
01:21:31 - Not real.
01:21:32 - Not real.
01:21:33 - Patrick Mahomes.
01:21:36 - Yeah.
01:21:36 - Anytime an athlete does something insane,
01:21:39 that's not real life.
01:21:40 - Yeah.
01:21:41 - Hank, would you like to keep listening or?
01:21:45 - Hank?
01:21:46 - Hank?
01:21:48 - I think he checked out.
01:21:49 - Yeah.
01:21:50 - He's putting in overtime.
01:21:51 - Yeah, he's got an umbrella in his drink
01:21:54 sitting back right now.
01:21:55 - I think Hank's got one of those apps on his phone
01:21:57 where it disconnects him if he works for too long.
01:22:00 It's like the Screen Time app,
01:22:01 but for any sort of actual employment type responsibility
01:22:06 that he's doing.
01:22:06 (laughing)
01:22:09 - Tiger Woods' entire career is not real.
01:22:12 - It's very unreal.
01:22:12 - That one stretch that he had was unreal.
01:22:14 - Like 144 tournaments without missing a cut.
01:22:19 It's fucking insane.
01:22:21 Yeah, there's some weird stats out there
01:22:23 that are very unreal.
01:22:25 And you just look at them and you're like,
01:22:26 "How is this fucking possible?"
01:22:27 - Barry Bond stats.
01:22:28 - Barry Bond stats.
01:22:29 - There's a lot of those, yeah.
01:22:30 - Tony Gwynn stats.
01:22:32 Those are all unreal.
01:22:33 Okay, good Mount Rushmore.
01:22:35 - Oh, Doc Ellis throwing a no-hitter on acid.
01:22:38 - Yes.
01:22:39 - That's crazy.
01:22:40 That's crazy unreal.
01:22:41 - Yes, that was.
01:22:42 - That might be the most impressive athletic feat
01:22:44 of all time.
01:22:45 - Didn't he have like 11 walks?
01:22:46 - He walked a shitload of people.
01:22:47 (laughing)
01:22:47 'Cause he was tripping balls at the time.
01:22:49 - I know.
01:22:50 'Cause if you throw in a perfect game,
01:22:51 be like, "That didn't happen."
01:22:52 - Yeah.
01:22:53 - But the fact that he threw in.
01:22:54 - It's like Nolan Ryan's no-hitters.
01:22:56 He's got so many of them
01:22:57 'cause he would rather walk a guy
01:22:59 than throw him like a meatball down the middle of the plate.
01:23:02 - I'm gonna look up Doc Ellis' no-hitter.
01:23:05 - Will Chamberlain's sex numbers.
01:23:06 - Yeah, that is unreal.
01:23:08 - Yeah, there's no way.
01:23:10 There's no way.
01:23:11 - All right, Doc Ellis' no-hitter.
01:23:13 How many walks?
01:23:18 God, it's so hard to find old baseball stats.
01:23:21 - Eight walks.
01:23:22 - Yeah.
01:23:23 - That's perfect.
01:23:23 - Solid no-hitter.
01:23:24 - Yeah, that's so wild.
01:23:25 Eight walks.
01:23:27 - That's way more impressive than, I don't know,
01:23:29 some guy that just gets traded to your team
01:23:30 throwing a no-hitter.
01:23:31 - The Game Four of the World Series.
01:23:35 Not real.
01:23:36 - Oh, no-hitter?
01:23:37 How many hits?
01:23:38 - That wouldn't do well with votes.
01:23:39 That's just a you-
01:23:40 - Well, that's, I mean, should be mentioned at least.
01:23:43 At least should be mentioned.
01:23:45 That wasn't real.
01:23:46 That wasn't a real no-hitter.
01:23:47 - So you guys won that game?
01:23:48 - No, but it wasn't a real no-hitter.
01:23:49 - You should just say combined no-hitters.
01:23:51 - Yeah, combined no-hitters should be a different stat.
01:23:53 - Oh, if we wanted to do sports memories,
01:23:55 the Eagles players saying they got a piece
01:23:58 of Cody Parkey's football blocked it.
01:24:01 That's not real.
01:24:01 - I saw that going viral on TikTok recently.
01:24:05 It was just like the last three minutes.
01:24:06 - Jesus Christ.
01:24:08 She always does.
01:24:09 Okay, let's finish up with some Johnny Manziel.
01:24:12 We watched the documentary.
01:24:13 - Yeah, it was good.
01:24:14 - I liked it.
01:24:15 - It was very good.
01:24:16 I had memory hold a lot of all that stuff
01:24:17 that went on with him.
01:24:18 - Yeah.
01:24:20 - So it starts out in Scottsdale,
01:24:22 and the first thing that you see
01:24:24 is Johnny Manziel drinking a beer.
01:24:25 - Yeah.
01:24:26 - And then that's also how it ends too.
01:24:27 Jake spoiled that for us last time.
01:24:29 - Spoiler, spoiler.
01:24:30 - He's not gonna talk during this segment.
01:24:31 - Yeah, but Johnny, when he was at college stage,
01:24:35 it's kind of crazy to think that he did not get recruited
01:24:37 really to Texas, but that was in the Mack Brown heyday,
01:24:40 where they had in Texas,
01:24:42 I think over the course of three seasons,
01:24:44 they had Johnny Manziel, Robert Griffin, and Andrew Luck.
01:24:48 And Mack Brown did not offer any of them a scholarship.
01:24:51 I think Mack Brown offered Johnny Manziel
01:24:53 and Robert Griffin to play at Texas as safeties.
01:24:57 - Yeah.
01:24:57 - Not as quarterbacks.
01:24:58 - The part about his high school was crazy
01:25:01 'cause I didn't know all that,
01:25:02 but his senior year he had 75 touchdowns in 12 games.
01:25:06 - Yeah.
01:25:07 - And because of blowouts,
01:25:08 he only played four total games,
01:25:11 four like full games to the end.
01:25:14 Like I went and looked back at his entire high school career
01:25:19 he had 127 touchdowns in 26 games,
01:25:23 his junior and senior year, 4.8 touchdowns a game.
01:25:26 - Yeah.
01:25:27 - That must've been so much fun.
01:25:28 - It was probably so much fun for him.
01:25:29 And then his goal when he was in high school,
01:25:31 he just wanted to play college football.
01:25:33 - Yeah.
01:25:34 - He wasn't looking past that.
01:25:35 He was like, I just wanna play at a big time school,
01:25:37 have fun playing football with my friends in college.
01:25:40 And then anything past that he didn't really consider.
01:25:43 But his freshman year at A&M was just fucking insane.
01:25:46 That was A&M's first season in the SEC, right?
01:25:49 - Yeah, it was insane.
01:25:51 Insane, crazy season.
01:25:53 I had forgotten just how much, how quickly it all happened.
01:25:57 'Cause the freshman winning the Heisman never done.
01:26:00 The Bama game, which was perfect that we had the Mark May.
01:26:04 I wish we still had him on TV.
01:26:05 - Yeah.
01:26:06 - And like, there is 0% chance Texas A&M could win this game.
01:26:09 And then Johnny Menzel goes to Tuscaloosa,
01:26:11 his 14 point underdogs, wins that game.
01:26:14 And it was like everything from that moment on,
01:26:18 his life completely changed.
01:26:19 It did make me feel a little bad about how much it's,
01:26:23 thankfully the NIL exists now,
01:26:24 but like the whole part about him and Uncle Nate,
01:26:28 his friend Nate, who, that was sad that they don't talk.
01:26:30 - Yeah, Nate seemed like a ride or die dude.
01:26:32 - Yeah, also Nate being like,
01:26:34 we had a saying at Texas A&M, win or lose, we still booze.
01:26:36 Like, I think that's a saying everywhere.
01:26:38 - No, they invented that.
01:26:39 It started there.
01:26:39 - That was very funny.
01:26:41 But it made me feel really bad
01:26:43 watching Johnny Menzel explain it.
01:26:45 And like, it is complete bullshit how much money they met.
01:26:49 They built an entire new stadium.
01:26:51 They were selling millions and millions
01:26:53 off his name, image, and likeness.
01:26:55 And he was getting $0.
01:26:57 And the fact that they, I watched the documentary
01:27:01 and I didn't, that was the first time I had learned
01:27:03 that his dad wasn't oil rich.
01:27:05 - Yeah.
01:27:06 - That was a shock.
01:27:06 - A great, great story that they planted.
01:27:08 - How did no journalists look into that?
01:27:10 - Yeah, so at the time,
01:27:11 Johnny was taking like private jets all across the country.
01:27:15 He was sitting courtside at NBA games.
01:27:17 He was everywhere.
01:27:18 And everybody was like,
01:27:18 how come Johnny Menzel is able to afford
01:27:20 to do all this stuff?
01:27:22 And they were just like, we're gonna tell,
01:27:23 we're gonna leak to the media that his dad's rich as fuck.
01:27:26 And that he grew up with this money.
01:27:28 And then everybody was just like, oh yeah, that makes sense.
01:27:30 So Johnny Menzel is just independently wealthy.
01:27:32 No, he's making a shitload of money signing autographs.
01:27:34 And it is like the definition of a victimless crime.
01:27:37 - Yeah.
01:27:37 - It's not even a crime.
01:27:38 Like the NCAA, and you see what's going on
01:27:39 with Harbaugh right now.
01:27:41 The NCAA, much like the NFL, at least used to do this.
01:27:44 They think that they are a branch of law enforcement.
01:27:47 They didn't break any laws.
01:27:48 - Yeah.
01:27:49 - Menzel didn't break any laws.
01:27:50 He just broke a bunch of bullshit rules.
01:27:51 - Yeah, I mean, you could obviously get them on the taxes
01:27:53 and all that, but taxes aren't real.
01:27:55 - Not real.
01:27:56 I think they made over $700 million in donations
01:28:00 after his freshman year.
01:28:01 - Jesus.
01:28:02 - Which is almost twice as much as they've ever raised
01:28:04 in one season.
01:28:05 So you could say Johnny Menzel probably directly responsible
01:28:08 for about $350 million worth of gifts to Texas A&M.
01:28:12 - And making their entire introduction to the SEC work.
01:28:15 - Yes, and he got paid $0 off that.
01:28:18 And of course he's gonna find some way on the side
01:28:20 to make a little bit of money.
01:28:22 And then they just stonewalled everybody.
01:28:24 And he got to spend for, was it one quarter
01:28:27 or two quarters he gets rice?
01:28:28 - Yeah.
01:28:29 - And that was his punishment,
01:28:30 which is a very funny punishment.
01:28:31 But you brought up Mark May and being able to watch
01:28:34 those guys on TV.
01:28:35 That was such a treat back in the day.
01:28:38 Mark May and Lou Holtz.
01:28:40 - Or Lou Holtz.
01:28:41 - Just like, it was like watching two guys with,
01:28:44 two dogs with a debilitative brain injury.
01:28:47 Just like barking in different languages
01:28:49 and spitting on each other.
01:28:50 - That's the best.
01:28:50 - And they never made a lick of sense
01:28:52 with anything that they said.
01:28:53 Probably set the record for being the wrongest
01:28:55 that anybody will ever be on TV.
01:28:57 And they did it on a weekly basis for like,
01:28:59 I don't know, 15 years.
01:29:01 - It was great TV.
01:29:02 - And it was great TV.
01:29:02 - It was great TV.
01:29:03 But yeah, the whole thing was, I mean,
01:29:05 just watching it from his angle,
01:29:07 obviously the Browns chapter,
01:29:09 there was some self-sabotage,
01:29:11 which he admitted to like the zero minutes watching tape.
01:29:15 But yeah, the Texan and M part,
01:29:18 like just how quickly it happened
01:29:20 and how like he just couldn't even go out of his house
01:29:23 and the expectations on him
01:29:25 and he couldn't make any money.
01:29:26 All that stuff was just insane to watch.
01:29:29 'Cause I had memory hold a lot of it as well.
01:29:31 - Yeah.
01:29:32 - Like he was one of the most defining
01:29:36 like fun athletes to watch in college football history.
01:29:39 - He was like the anti Tebow too.
01:29:41 - Yeah.
01:29:41 - We were just getting over Tebow being like,
01:29:44 you know, Captain America at Florida.
01:29:46 And that was like the standard that you set for,
01:29:48 okay, this is what a great college quarterback
01:29:50 looks like right now.
01:29:51 And then Johnny Manziel comes in
01:29:52 and does everything completely,
01:29:53 like 180 degrees different from Tebow.
01:29:56 He was like the bad boy.
01:29:57 He was fun to root for.
01:29:58 And then, like I said earlier,
01:29:59 he never thought about going to the NFL.
01:30:01 So he gets to the NFL, it's not fun anymore,
01:30:04 not enjoying anything, doesn't really work.
01:30:06 In fact, the only play that I really remember
01:30:09 of Johnny on the Browns
01:30:10 is the play that he ran with Kyle Shanahan.
01:30:13 - Didn't count.
01:30:14 - Where Kyle Shanahan was screaming at him on the field,
01:30:16 like Johnny forgot to play,
01:30:18 calls him over to the sidelines
01:30:19 and then runs him down the field as a receiver.
01:30:21 - Yeah.
01:30:22 - But that play didn't count on it,
01:30:23 but it was an awesome play.
01:30:23 - It was an awesome play.
01:30:24 And yeah, the-
01:30:25 - I forgot also about him going to Vegas
01:30:27 and getting dressed up in a disguise.
01:30:29 - Yeah.
01:30:30 - That was an all time- - So funny.
01:30:31 - That was an all time mistake.
01:30:32 - The, I didn't know the combine story
01:30:35 is dad having to pretend that he was in the hospital.
01:30:37 - Yep.
01:30:38 - It's crazy.
01:30:38 And it did get dark for a minute there
01:30:40 because like him saying it,
01:30:42 like I was going to just live,
01:30:43 'cause I remember that when he had got cut by the Browns
01:30:47 and then he was just on TMZ basically every single day,
01:30:50 Johnny Menzel going out partying,
01:30:52 like hearing it from his side,
01:30:54 where he's like,
01:30:55 "I was going to just go as hard as I could
01:30:56 and then kill myself."
01:30:57 - Yeah.
01:30:57 - It was pretty, I mean, I'm happy that he's alive.
01:30:59 I'm happy that he's still here.
01:31:01 And he really is like one of the most iconic
01:31:04 college football players of all time.
01:31:05 - He beat the Drake curse.
01:31:06 - He beat the Drake curse.
01:31:07 The last thing I had of the-
01:31:09 - Did you see the list that he made
01:31:10 when they sat down, it was him and Uncle Nate,
01:31:13 and they were on the plane
01:31:14 and they just wrote down all the stuff
01:31:15 that they wanted to accomplish in life.
01:31:16 - Yeah.
01:31:17 - It was like, make a million dollars,
01:31:18 get mentioned in a Drake song.
01:31:20 - Yeah.
01:31:21 - And he actually like checked off everything
01:31:22 that was on that list.
01:31:23 - Yes, he did.
01:31:24 And he, the last thing I had that was just very funny
01:31:26 was the draft night stories.
01:31:29 And one, the story about how he, like the Texans,
01:31:33 he had met the McNair's, I believe, wooed him.
01:31:37 And then the next day went out and got drunk
01:31:39 at like a very notable Houston golf course
01:31:42 and like basically ruined his chances
01:31:44 of going to the Texans.
01:31:45 And the other one was when he started falling
01:31:48 and the Cowboys pick at 16,
01:31:51 and the Cowboys pick Zach Martin, everyone booed.
01:31:54 And Zach Martin is like a hall of famer.
01:31:56 - Yeah.
01:31:57 - He's, it was like so funny watching that back.
01:32:00 Being like, I mean, he probably was the best player
01:32:03 in that draft, and Mike Evans and Blake Bortles.
01:32:06 There's some good company in that draft,
01:32:07 but Zach Martin was a fucking incredible pick
01:32:10 by the Cowboys.
01:32:11 - Yeah, there was also the story about how he missed
01:32:13 the Manning passing Academy,
01:32:15 'cause he said they just slept in.
01:32:17 - Yeah.
01:32:17 - Definitely went out, got hammered.
01:32:18 That probably, that did more to tank his draft stock
01:32:21 than most anything else,
01:32:22 because Arch Manning is the shadow commissioner.
01:32:25 - Yeah.
01:32:26 - So you duck his passing Academy,
01:32:26 Bort gets around pretty quickly.
01:32:28 - It's, it is good.
01:32:29 You know, the ending, like seeing that he feels
01:32:31 like he's back and like, you know,
01:32:34 with his family and everything was heartwarming
01:32:36 because it was one of those documentaries
01:32:39 where you watch, you know that he's still like alive.
01:32:41 You hope he's doing well,
01:32:43 but it could have gone a very, very dark way
01:32:45 where it's like shit, the media and everything,
01:32:48 all the hype, like this, he never had a chance.
01:32:51 So thank God he's like on the other side of it.
01:32:54 - I honestly think that--
01:32:55 - Unreal story, unreal story.
01:32:56 - If you were to transport your body
01:32:59 into Johnny Football's body, which by the way,
01:33:01 Johnny Football is a great, great nickname.
01:33:03 - Johnny fucking Football.
01:33:04 - Johnny fucking Football.
01:33:05 If you were to be Johnny Football for a day in college,
01:33:09 it would have kicked ass, it would have been awesome.
01:33:11 If you had been Johnny Football for a week,
01:33:14 that probably would have sucked.
01:33:15 - No, that also would have kicked ass.
01:33:17 - For a full week?
01:33:17 - Yeah, for a semester, no.
01:33:19 - Yeah, and then--
01:33:20 - Ah, still would have kicked ass.
01:33:22 - There would have been parts that would have kicked ass,
01:33:23 but like he wasn't having fun, he couldn't do anything.
01:33:26 He couldn't be a normal human being.
01:33:27 And then Cliff Kingsbury just trying to keep the reins
01:33:29 on him the best that he could.
01:33:32 Just like, okay.
01:33:33 - But Kingsbury's not that attractive without the sunglasses.
01:33:35 - Exactly, I know that trick very well.
01:33:36 - Yeah, yeah.
01:33:37 - But it was a good documentary, everyone should watch it.
01:33:40 Untold Stories on Netflix, this isn't even an ad.
01:33:43 We just watched it 'cause we liked it.
01:33:44 - And they've got the Florida one
01:33:45 coming out soon too, I think.
01:33:47 - That one will be must watch.
01:33:48 - They also didn't mention that,
01:33:51 I mean, it just came out like weeks ago,
01:33:52 it was probably after they were finished recording,
01:33:54 but he's opening up a nightclub in College Station.
01:33:56 - Oh, really?
01:33:57 - Yeah, smart.
01:33:57 I think like two weeks ago. - That's so smart.
01:33:59 - Called the Money Bar, that thing's gonna rock.
01:34:01 - Yeah, it is.
01:34:02 - Dude, those are like, those guys, they can just,
01:34:05 like, I know, I think Ron Dayne still lives in Madison.
01:34:08 Like, you could still have an awesome life.
01:34:10 - Oh, he's gonna make so much money off that.
01:34:12 - Yeah, so much money.
01:34:14 - Who's gonna like wanna go to College Station
01:34:15 and not wanna go to the Money Bar?
01:34:17 - Yeah.
01:34:18 - That's the only good thing in College Station.
01:34:20 - Yeah, and then Bama went and won
01:34:21 the national title that year.
01:34:22 That's when they just obliterated Notre Dame.
01:34:25 So, and he won the Heisman, Heisman's fly forever.
01:34:29 Like, he can, that's pretty cool to be like,
01:34:31 I can just go to New York in December every year
01:34:34 and just be around a bunch of legends.
01:34:36 - What's Johnny doing?
01:34:37 Do you know what his job is right now?
01:34:38 - Oh, the nightclub.
01:34:39 - Yeah, he's doing the nightclub.
01:34:41 - Yeah, that's why, 'cause the ending didn't really say
01:34:43 what he was doing.
01:34:44 - Yeah, usually with a documentary like that,
01:34:45 it's like, oh, he's drinking beer.
01:34:47 - He's drinking Scottsdale.
01:34:49 - But then I, that's when I like looked into it
01:34:51 and I was like, oh yeah, he's opening a nightclub.
01:34:53 And I feel like they should have mentioned that.
01:34:54 - Yeah, they probably should have mentioned that.
01:34:56 They should have mentioned that.
01:34:57 But yeah, Johnny fucking football.
01:34:59 We'll get him back on.
01:35:01 - Yeah, people forget he did a podcast at Barstool.
01:35:03 - Also Dave and Erica.
01:35:05 - Dave's picture not the best.
01:35:06 - Yeah.
01:35:07 - Him just being drunk as fuck with Johnny.
01:35:10 - And when they showed that clip of him at Barstool
01:35:13 with Erica next to him,
01:35:13 I think we were just right off camera
01:35:15 'cause we were about to interview him
01:35:17 that day that he came.
01:35:18 - Yeah, 'cause he was a good interview.
01:35:19 And yet Dave's picture was, it was probably a lot of fun,
01:35:23 but they put his picture drunk with Johnny football
01:35:26 in the montage of Johnny being like,
01:35:27 I was gonna kill myself.
01:35:28 - Yeah, yeah, it's not great timing.
01:35:30 - It was a great timing.
01:35:31 - He played for, he fan controlled football.
01:35:35 - Yeah, yeah, he's been doing some of that.
01:35:38 I mean, I'm sure he still can play, not at the NFL level.
01:35:42 - Does he still have any eligibility left?
01:35:44 Could he go back?
01:35:45 - That's what I'm saying.
01:35:46 That's the rule.
01:35:47 Tell me Texas A&M would love to have him.
01:35:50 Be incredible.
01:35:52 Okay, great show boys.
01:35:54 Great show.
01:35:55 Feel good about this show.
01:35:56 I feel like we're on a little bit of a heater.
01:35:58 - Also just that interview with Dawkins was awesome.
01:36:00 - Also good.
01:36:01 - Love that guy.
01:36:02 - We got some good interviews coming up this week.
01:36:03 We got some, we got a lot of interviews this week,
01:36:05 but we're doing some stuff down with the PGA.
01:36:09 So we're gonna get some new guests, maybe talk to Max,
01:36:12 have Max back on.
01:36:14 All right, numbers.
01:36:16 - Eight.
01:36:17 - 69.
01:36:18 - I can't wait for this new machine.
01:36:19 - Yeah.
01:36:20 - This is all what I'm calling no man's land era.
01:36:23 - I just basically, so the new machine, the dead ball era.
01:36:25 Well, there were moments, there were moments when we,
01:36:29 I talked to some people, thank you for everyone
01:36:31 who reached out.
01:36:32 One guy sent a new machine that had the ping pong balls
01:36:35 the size of beach balls.
01:36:37 And I think we wouldn't have been able to fit anything else
01:36:39 in the office.
01:36:40 So we've decided that the new machine,
01:36:43 what I've tasked Jordan at our office,
01:36:47 who does a really good job of building,
01:36:49 is basically the same old machine.
01:36:53 I was like, make it as big as it was
01:36:55 with the refrigerator on.
01:36:57 - Yeah. - So like that will be
01:36:58 the full machine. - Yeah.
01:36:59 - So that will be perfect.
01:37:01 But yeah, I can't wait for the new machine.
01:37:03 I can't wait to, that first, Hank, have you ever gotten it?
01:37:06 It's gonna be so sweet.
01:37:08 Oh my God.
01:37:10 Oh my God.
01:37:10 - Oh, so you're gonna start out of the gate.
01:37:12 - Oh, of course, why wouldn't I?
01:37:14 - Wow. - Why wouldn't I?
01:37:15 - 'Cause none of us have gotten it at that point.
01:37:17 - Right, but that's.
01:37:18 - But Hank, yeah, it's a great quote.
01:37:19 - Welcome to the show, Jake.
01:37:20 - It's a great quote. - It's great to have you.
01:37:22 Okay, memes, you've never gotten this.
01:37:25 - Nope, let it go back to Hank, three.
01:37:27 Memes is three, he said let it go back to Hank.
01:37:29 - All right, Shane, what do you got?
01:37:30 10, Shane, you still mad at me about the chargers?
01:37:33 - Yeah. - Okay.
01:37:34 You looked into it?
01:37:36 I said facts.
01:37:38 They're not starting any starters.
01:37:39 - Look what happened to Mike Williams.
01:37:40 - Okay, he's now talking about injuries.
01:37:42 This is scared, chargers are scared.
01:37:45 Chargers are scared.
01:37:46 All right, here we go.
01:37:47 41.
01:37:49 41.
01:37:52 I got a good fact.
01:37:53 - Oh, wait, that's what it was on Thursday.
01:37:56 - Oh. - Back to back.
01:37:57 - Back to back. - Love you guys.
01:37:59 - This fact comes from Jay Kuda,
01:38:01 unbelievable follow on Twitter, it's J-A-Y-C-U-D-A.
01:38:06 More than 60 players named Mike have played
01:38:09 for the St. Louis Cardinals franchise.
01:38:11 No other franchise had more than 50 Mikes.
01:38:14 - That's pretty good. - Whoa.
01:38:16 (whooshing)
01:38:19 (whooshing)
01:38:21 (whooshing)
01:38:23 (whooshing)
01:38:26 (whooshing)
01:38:28 (whooshing)
01:38:30 (whooshing)
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