Jake Marsh | Pardon My Take
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00:00:22 - On today's part of my take,
00:00:24 football is all the way back.
00:00:26 We're gonna talk Lions, Chiefs,
00:00:29 what a win for the Lions.
00:00:30 We are gonna preview every single game for week one.
00:00:35 Fantasy Fuckboys are back, our picks.
00:00:38 An incredible interview with Dan Patrick,
00:00:41 good friend of the show, caught up with him.
00:00:43 He's got a new book out right now.
00:00:45 Go buy it, support our friends.
00:00:48 We also have a very special presentation
00:00:50 from Jake Marsh on Obama possibly being gay.
00:00:54 So we're gonna cover everything.
00:00:56 And then we finish up with Firefest of the Week.
00:00:59 But before we get to all of that,
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00:02:38 Okay, let's go.
00:02:39 (upbeat music)
00:02:42 (upbeat music)
00:02:45 Welcome to part of my take.
00:02:58 Today is Friday, September 8th,
00:03:02 and the Detroit Lions just went into Kansas City
00:03:07 and won a football game.
00:03:08 - How about them Lions?
00:03:09 - Holy shit. - How about them Lions?
00:03:11 How about Jared Goff, friend of the program?
00:03:13 Jared looked awesome tonight.
00:03:14 - We were rooting hard for him.
00:03:16 - All of us were, right?
00:03:17 - All of us. - Except for Hank.
00:03:18 - Hank, you weren't?
00:03:19 - I was rooting for Jared.
00:03:20 - Oh, did you bet over a half an interception?
00:03:23 - I was rooting for Jared. - You were rooting for Jared?
00:03:25 - I was rooting for Jared. - Okay, you're rooting
00:03:26 for Jared.
00:03:27 Let's give a hand to Kedarious Tony.
00:03:30 - He needs one. - Yeah, he needs two.
00:03:33 - What do you think the conversation is right now
00:03:36 between Patrick Mahomes and Kedarious Tony?
00:03:37 Do you think he says, like,
00:03:39 to the boys? - Do you think he just
00:03:40 throws a box at 'em?
00:03:41 - Hey, Kedarious, let's keep our head up
00:03:43 because, you know, it's long season.
00:03:44 We're gonna need you.
00:03:45 We're gonna have to catch a game.
00:03:46 - They wouldn't touch that next weekend, buddy.
00:03:48 - I actually think the Chiefs would have won that game
00:03:50 without Kedarious Tony.
00:03:51 - Yeah. - He gave them a pick six.
00:03:54 He then dropped that ball at the end of the game
00:03:57 where it was just easily catchable.
00:04:00 He dropped that, what was it, third down conversion
00:04:02 when the guy ran across his face?
00:04:04 He was god-awful.
00:04:06 And listen, Chiefs fans, you've had a lot of great years.
00:04:11 Your team's gonna be fine.
00:04:13 Your second and third best player didn't play in this game
00:04:15 in Chris Jones and Travis Kelsey.
00:04:16 Turns out Travis Kelsey, very important,
00:04:18 and Chris Jones, for that matter.
00:04:20 This night, though, was about the Lions.
00:04:22 And the Lions, like, Dan Campbell coming into the game,
00:04:27 nuts on the table, going for it on fourth down
00:04:30 on their own 16-yard line, fake punt.
00:04:34 I fucking love the guy.
00:04:35 - Yeah, he doesn't change.
00:04:36 - And you should know this about Dan Campbell, too.
00:04:39 It's not like he hasn't done this before.
00:04:40 If you're the Chiefs, you should've probably
00:04:42 been prepared for that fake punt
00:04:44 because Dan Campbell absolutely loves
00:04:46 to do insane shit early in the games,
00:04:48 and it worked out for him this time.
00:04:49 The Lions offense looked pretty good in the first quarter
00:04:52 until they snapped the ball
00:04:53 into their own wide receiver's dick.
00:04:55 - Yeah, that kinda hurt them.
00:04:56 - And then at that point, they didn't really do much
00:04:59 for the next, I don't know, like, two quarters on offense.
00:05:01 Jameer Gibbs did look good on the outside.
00:05:04 Montgomery looks good on the inside.
00:05:05 Jameer Gibbs, I think it's a rookie thing.
00:05:07 - So outside on the bench, you mean?
00:05:09 - Jameer Gibbs?
00:05:10 - Yeah, he wasn't in the game that much.
00:05:13 - But what I'm saying is when he got the ball
00:05:15 on the outside, he's got those fresh rookie legs.
00:05:18 He's gotta work a little bit on the vision.
00:05:20 He treaded close to Trent, was it Trent Richardson territory
00:05:25 where there were a few gaps that he had
00:05:26 that he just ran the opposite way.
00:05:28 So give the ball to Montgomery on the inside,
00:05:30 give the ball to Gibbs on the outside for right now.
00:05:32 But yeah, Dan Campbell, well-coached team.
00:05:35 - Very well-coached team.
00:05:36 - It was cool to see 'cause obviously the Lions
00:05:37 have been probably the most hyped team in the offseason.
00:05:40 The way they finished last year,
00:05:42 the fact that Dan Campbell is the man,
00:05:45 and then to come in to Kansas City on banner night
00:05:47 and back that up, it was fucking awesome.
00:05:49 I'm happy for, this has gotta be one
00:05:51 of the best Lions victories in the last, like, 30 years.
00:05:54 - Yeah, it's huge.
00:05:55 This is massive for 'em.
00:05:56 And now it felt like they were gonna get into the territory
00:06:00 where they get the moral victory
00:06:02 and then they can build off that.
00:06:03 We almost beat the world champions.
00:06:05 But no, you went into their house, you ate their lunch,
00:06:08 and now you're going home
00:06:09 and you're feeling good about yourself.
00:06:10 - So I got one thing, one thing
00:06:12 that if you're a Chiefs fan listening to this right now,
00:06:14 again, I think you're gonna be fine
00:06:15 'cause you have Patrick Holmes.
00:06:16 He is Superman and you are gonna get Travis Kelce back.
00:06:20 Travis Kelce apparently was pleading to play
00:06:22 and they're like, "No, we're trying to win a Super," what?
00:06:25 - They shoulda let him play.
00:06:26 - They shoulda let him play.
00:06:27 - I thought they were okay at the tight end position tonight.
00:06:30 - Yeah, no, they were, but Travis Kelce still is that guy
00:06:32 who will, these big third down conversions,
00:06:36 he's just always there.
00:06:38 - I actually think that they obviously need more help
00:06:40 on the outside at wide receiver.
00:06:41 - But he can play everywhere.
00:06:42 - If they had one solid wide receiver
00:06:46 and then the current tight ends that they had tonight,
00:06:47 I think they might've won that game.
00:06:49 - Or just erase Canarius Tone.
00:06:50 - Just, yeah, just take his body out.
00:06:51 - If you just take him away, yeah,
00:06:52 and just have someone run routes,
00:06:54 run his routes but never get the ball, you win that game.
00:06:58 - Just use him as a decoy.
00:06:59 - But I have one thing that Chiefs fans
00:07:01 need to be worried about.
00:07:02 - I got one too.
00:07:03 - It's one name, and his name's Matt Nagy.
00:07:06 - Okay, well, yeah, because that's kind of the same thing
00:07:08 I was going after.
00:07:09 - Eric Biennemi is no longer with the Chiefs,
00:07:11 and Chiefs fans, you saw Matt Nagy in all his glory
00:07:16 on that third and two when they got so cute
00:07:20 and they did a direct snap, I believe,
00:07:21 to the tight end maybe, and a kinda end around play
00:07:25 where they took the ball out of Patrick Mahomes,
00:07:28 the best football player in the world,
00:07:30 they took the ball out of that guy's hands
00:07:33 and got cute, and that was a Nagy special.
00:07:36 - I don't know if it was Nagy, though,
00:07:37 because Andy Reid has been running those plays for years.
00:07:39 - No, that's-- - You know, Andy,
00:07:40 the one knock that we have-- - Matt Nagy is an Andy Reid
00:07:42 guy. - The one knock that we have
00:07:43 on Andy Reid, he gets too cute with it.
00:07:45 They got cute in the red zone earlier.
00:07:47 - No, that was a Matt Nagy play.
00:07:47 - They got cute on an important play.
00:07:48 - He loves that play.
00:07:49 - But you're right, Big Cat, they don't have Eric Biennemi.
00:07:52 Is Patrick Mahomes a system quarterback?
00:07:54 Was Eric Biennemi the system?
00:07:56 Do I now have the system?
00:07:58 Have I collected the system? - You might have the system.
00:07:59 - Is the system belong to me now?
00:08:01 All your system belongs to us?
00:08:02 - No. - I think it is.
00:08:03 - But that was a Matt Nagy play call,
00:08:05 and the idiocy of taking the ball
00:08:07 out of Patrick Mahomes' hands on a third and two
00:08:10 is mind-blowing. - Yeah, it is.
00:08:12 - Mind-blowingly dumb. - But again--
00:08:13 - I know that we play backseat driver,
00:08:18 Monday morning quarterback,
00:08:19 but that's just a simple fact of,
00:08:21 I don't care if that play even works.
00:08:24 It's still a bad play call to be like,
00:08:26 hey, we need a third down conversion,
00:08:28 and Patrick Mahomes our quarterback,
00:08:29 and we're gonna not have him touch the ball.
00:08:31 - Patrick Mahomes had a great night
00:08:32 running the ball too tonight.
00:08:33 - Yeah, he did. - And so I think
00:08:34 my new thing is just gonna be-- - Just so sneaky with it.
00:08:35 - I'm gonna be like Patrick Mahomes,
00:08:37 great scrambler, excellent runner of the ball,
00:08:40 but he needs to learn how to stay in the pocket
00:08:42 and be a true passer.
00:08:43 - Pete Prisco. - Yeah, listen,
00:08:44 I don't like this new age junk.
00:08:46 Patrick Mahomes, obviously great athlete,
00:08:48 but is he a good quarterback?
00:08:49 I don't know. - Yeah, it's a good question.
00:08:51 - I'd like to see him develop.
00:08:52 I don't think he's gonna last long in the league
00:08:54 if he doesn't learn how to pass the ball, Big Cat.
00:08:55 He's so sneaky running because he just always feels
00:08:58 like he's about to slide, but he's never gonna slide.
00:09:01 And so everyone, it does feel like all the defenders,
00:09:04 no one wants to take a full hit on him.
00:09:06 - I also think that Mahomes has the fastest slide
00:09:08 in the league. - Yeah, and--
00:09:09 - He gets from running or doing his duck waddle
00:09:12 that he does to being full ass cheeks on the ground
00:09:15 in a quarter second.
00:09:16 - And he's also so smart with, when he takes off,
00:09:20 you know that he's seeing the field so well
00:09:22 that there's a huge amount of space for him.
00:09:25 He doesn't take, it's very rare to see him take off
00:09:27 and be like, oh, he got one yard.
00:09:29 Like he's already, he's always looking down field
00:09:31 and he's like, oh, now I have all this time.
00:09:33 But again, the Lions, it was the Lions night.
00:09:36 - Credit to Aiden Hutchinson too.
00:09:37 - Yeah. - That dude is a fucking monster.
00:09:39 And his family.
00:09:40 I really hope that the NBC producers,
00:09:43 the guys in the truck were smart enough
00:09:44 to cut the mic'd up feed on Mrs. Hutchinson
00:09:48 when she went to the bathroom,
00:09:49 because you know that pervert Mike Tirico,
00:09:51 he'd be listening to that.
00:09:52 - That's true. - I hope they did that.
00:09:53 But Hutchinson had six pressures,
00:09:56 six pressures on Mahomes, and Mahomes was two for six
00:09:59 when he was being pressured by Hutchinson.
00:10:00 But also, Hutchinson made the right tackle
00:10:04 and the left tackle cheat tonight.
00:10:06 He was so good that the Chiefs,
00:10:08 Offensive Linemen were cheating on every single play.
00:10:10 - But isn't this the Lane Johnson we discussed last year?
00:10:13 - It was even worse. - And you can move back.
00:10:14 I know it was worse.
00:10:15 It looked bad. - I don't blame
00:10:16 the Chiefs players, I blame the referee.
00:10:18 So if you're on the Chiefs O-line
00:10:20 and you're able to get two steps
00:10:22 before the defensive player gets off the ball at all,
00:10:25 then yeah, keep doing it.
00:10:26 That was smart by them.
00:10:28 - Jeff Schwartz, do a video for us tomorrow.
00:10:30 - I think-- - Explaining this.
00:10:31 'Cause I remember watching a video last year
00:10:33 where it was like, everyone's like,
00:10:34 Lane Johnson is cheating.
00:10:35 It's like, no, technically he's not.
00:10:37 I can't remember the details of it.
00:10:39 But it did look, when you're watching it,
00:10:41 you're like, what the hell is going on?
00:10:42 - The ref that they had, Terry McAuliffe.
00:10:44 Is that his name?
00:10:45 He even said, yeah, this is cheating.
00:10:48 They're cheating. - Yeah.
00:10:49 I mean, it's not cheating if you don't call it, I guess.
00:10:51 - Right, right.
00:10:52 It was actually a well-played game, not a ton of flags.
00:10:55 Like, it was nice to see that.
00:10:57 It was nice not to see just flag after flag after flag.
00:11:00 And 'cause September's football can be kinda sloppy.
00:11:03 We didn't really have that.
00:11:04 We had what Mahomes had, well,
00:11:06 Canary's Tony had an interception.
00:11:08 And then the fumble for the Lions.
00:11:11 So great game.
00:11:12 - Great game by Jack Fox, too.
00:11:14 I know you're listening right now, Jack.
00:11:15 - Yeah. - Great punning.
00:11:16 - We sat back and we're just like,
00:11:17 there's just no better feeling than watching the first game
00:11:20 and being like, we have all the football in front of us.
00:11:22 - It was good. - All of it.
00:11:23 - Big Cat scared me because at halftime,
00:11:25 Big Cat was like, I've got a scary, scary stat
00:11:28 that I wanna say to you.
00:11:29 And I was like, don't say it, don't say it.
00:11:31 'Cause I thought Big Cat was gonna do the thing that,
00:11:33 I'm gonna do now, but I'm gonna use it
00:11:35 as an example of what not to do.
00:11:36 - Yeah, I don't do this until at least October.
00:11:38 - When you're like, we actually are so much closer
00:11:41 to the season being over right now.
00:11:42 - Yeah, no, I don't do that shit.
00:11:43 - So it's a fucked up thing to say.
00:11:44 - I don't do it 'til like week nine.
00:11:45 - I thought Big Cat was gonna come at me with that,
00:11:47 but instead he dropped the most depressing stat
00:11:51 of all time on me, do you wanna say it?
00:11:52 - Yeah, I don't know why this popped in my head,
00:11:55 it just did, I was just thinking about the Super Bowl.
00:11:57 When you're watching the first game,
00:11:58 you're like, road to Super Bowl starts here,
00:12:00 get a little romantic about the whole thing.
00:12:02 Football is like a guy's romance language.
00:12:06 And I realized that this 2023, '24 season
00:12:12 is the last full season that PFT and I
00:12:16 will watch in our 30s.
00:12:18 So next, that sucks.
00:12:21 2025 Super Bowl, we will both be 40.
00:12:25 Now, the Barstool Sports main account posted this.
00:12:30 This is our last full football season in our 30s.
00:12:35 - That's fucked up.
00:12:39 - I was just doing the math and I was like,
00:12:41 we, that's, we're fucked up.
00:12:43 - It's so fucked up.
00:12:46 It's true, the two Super Bowls from now
00:12:51 are gonna be 40.
00:12:53 It's so fucked up.
00:12:55 - I mean, they got life.
00:12:57 Oh, they have no timeouts, they have no timeouts.
00:13:00 - I don't know why it popped in my head.
00:13:02 It's such a bummer.
00:13:03 - We don't like the ball.
00:13:05 - I was just thinking about us coming.
00:13:06 - All right, we got time.
00:13:07 - Two years of misery.
00:13:08 - Send your analysis to Comedian Joe Bull.
00:13:09 - We're gonna be so many drugs at the Super Bowl this year.
00:13:12 - Yeah, you might as well.
00:13:13 - All of them, in Vegas, all of them.
00:13:15 Last Super Bowl in our 30s.
00:13:17 - It's our last full football season.
00:13:19 - I mean, like, when you turn 40,
00:13:20 can you not do drugs anymore?
00:13:21 - No, you're not allowed to.
00:13:22 - Yeah, it's illegal.
00:13:23 - Like, the dealer just pulls up, asks for ID.
00:13:26 - And it hurt me more than it hurt you
00:13:28 because there was a lot of people who were like,
00:13:29 big guy's not 50, so that hurt.
00:13:32 I think I need to do a little touch up on the old hair.
00:13:35 - I do have like half the population thinking
00:13:37 that I'm 28 because I say it all the time as a joke.
00:13:39 - Well, you kind of think that too.
00:13:40 - I know sometimes, yeah.
00:13:42 Not anymore.
00:13:43 But yeah, I'm 31 now.
00:13:45 - You know what though?
00:13:46 We're gonna fight, we have whatever it is,
00:13:50 16 months to figure out a way out of this.
00:13:53 And by that, I mean kill ourselves.
00:13:54 - Yeah, I was gonna say, there's only one way out.
00:13:56 - We could never get to 40.
00:13:57 - When Big Cat said that to me,
00:13:58 my resolution was I'm gonna do all the drugs
00:14:01 at the Super Bowl this year in Vegas.
00:14:03 It's the last year where you can think,
00:14:05 okay, well, we're young.
00:14:06 - We're making 30 year old mistakes.
00:14:08 We're young, we're just kids.
00:14:10 We're just kids that make mistakes sometimes.
00:14:11 We don't know any better.
00:14:13 - We're gonna be cool though.
00:14:13 We're gonna be cool.
00:14:15 We're gonna be like, yeah, we're old heads now.
00:14:17 We're gonna do like LeBron thing.
00:14:19 All these young bucks trying to podcast.
00:14:22 We're here year 25.
00:14:24 - Or you go out for one night just as hard,
00:14:26 if not harder than all the young kids,
00:14:28 and then you don't get up until like 5 p.m. the next day
00:14:30 and then you're in bed for a week.
00:14:32 But in that one night, you're like--
00:14:33 - Yeah, it would be a month.
00:14:35 It would be a month.
00:14:36 - Hank is right now battling his first true
00:14:40 like hangover in his 30s.
00:14:43 - And it's a hard one.
00:14:44 - He's been hungover for three straight days.
00:14:46 - Can I give you a little word of advice, Hank?
00:14:48 - Yes.
00:14:49 - So if you've got the tail end
00:14:51 of the bachelor party hangover,
00:14:52 you probably feel not as bad on Monday.
00:14:55 Sometimes you feel worse on Tuesday.
00:14:57 You're gonna wanna drink four beers on Tuesday night.
00:15:00 - Well, it's Thursday night.
00:15:01 - I know, but I'm saying in that situation,
00:15:04 if you have like a three day weekend,
00:15:06 you come down off it, Tuesday you don't feel that,
00:15:08 or I guess it was a three day weekend,
00:15:10 so Tuesday you might not have felt that bad.
00:15:11 - No, I did.
00:15:12 - Well, then drink four beers.
00:15:14 - The other--
00:15:15 - You drink four beers and you feel like
00:15:16 you're golden again.
00:15:16 - I've only seen this happen once.
00:15:18 I had a buddy do this one time
00:15:19 and it was the most genius thing I've ever seen.
00:15:21 We went to a bachelor party.
00:15:23 It was one of those like Thursday night
00:15:24 to Sunday morning ones.
00:15:26 We, I think it was in Charleston.
00:15:28 He booked a hotel in Charleston on Sunday night,
00:15:31 and he just like, as all of us went to the airport,
00:15:33 just in shambles, he just went to a hotel
00:15:36 and just slept in like a cold hotel room
00:15:39 for like 15 hours, then went home on Monday.
00:15:42 - It's a good call, but also the four beers.
00:15:44 - Yeah, and the four beers.
00:15:46 You're gonna make it.
00:15:47 - We're through, we're through.
00:15:47 - Are you?
00:15:49 - Yeah, it's the weekend.
00:15:50 - Not really.
00:15:55 - Yeah, it's Friday.
00:15:55 - Well, it's the weekend.
00:15:56 - It's the weekend.
00:15:57 - It's the morning.
00:15:58 - No, it's the weekend.
00:15:59 - It's a workday.
00:16:00 - Friday is the weekend.
00:16:00 - Are you working?
00:16:01 - I've learned one thing this past few weeks.
00:16:02 - Are you working today?
00:16:03 - It's that cows and bulls are the same species,
00:16:07 and Fridays are the weekend.
00:16:09 - Yeah.
00:16:10 - Stay tuned.
00:16:11 - All right, well, yeah, and speaking of,
00:16:12 we should say we'll be at the,
00:16:14 Max is running the 5K on Saturday morning.
00:16:16 - I'll be there.
00:16:17 - Montrose Harbor, plus 5K.
00:16:19 Go buy the new Apple Crisp and Pumpkin Spice.
00:16:23 - Pumpkin Spice, I like that.
00:16:24 - Pumpkin Spice, Apple Crisp is the best.
00:16:27 It is a tailgate, cold, big 10 morning dream.
00:16:32 - I will say this, the only other thing I'll say
00:16:35 about the bachelor party come down hangover is that--
00:16:37 - Sounds like you're still hungover.
00:16:39 - The amount of, and I'm sure this happens,
00:16:41 this happened to me in my 20s too,
00:16:43 but after a long weekend,
00:16:45 the amount of time you spend thinking
00:16:47 about how you're not going to drink again--
00:16:49 - Yeah.
00:16:50 - For those first four days,
00:16:51 it's like, I'm never doing this to myself again.
00:16:52 - And then you eventually get to an age
00:16:54 where you just don't drink again.
00:16:56 - Yeah, yeah, I might be there.
00:16:58 I was having those thoughts.
00:16:59 - No.
00:16:59 - I was having, I was like--
00:17:00 - Wait, but aren't you going to watch
00:17:03 the big Nebraska game Saturday?
00:17:03 - Yeah, that's for work though.
00:17:05 That's where I was like having those thoughts,
00:17:06 I was like, I can't do this Saturday,
00:17:07 I can't do this Saturday, but content, work.
00:17:10 - It's a hard job.
00:17:11 - It's got to be tons.
00:17:12 - You don't have to drink though.
00:17:13 - Oh no, come on, he's got to drink for his job.
00:17:16 - Some people are capable of doing that,
00:17:18 like being in a drinking atmosphere, not drinking.
00:17:21 I am not one of those people.
00:17:22 I can not drink, but I have to remove myself
00:17:25 from the equation.
00:17:26 If I'm in a bar, I won't drink liquor.
00:17:28 I think that's the plan, just no liquor.
00:17:30 - Yeah, you got to just be like no shots.
00:17:32 - Yeah.
00:17:33 - That's the rule, no shots.
00:17:34 - No shots, no vodka drinks, no whiskey drinks.
00:17:37 - You're going to drink so much liquor Saturday.
00:17:38 - No lager drinks.
00:17:39 - Coors Light.
00:17:39 Coors Light.
00:17:41 - You get knocked out?
00:17:43 - But you get back up again.
00:17:44 - Yeah, that's the Hank Lockwood story.
00:17:47 - Yeah.
00:17:48 (laughing)
00:17:49 - I do have a prediction for Kedarious Tony
00:17:51 and how the season's going to play out
00:17:53 'cause I thought about it.
00:17:53 - Gulag.
00:17:54 - Yeah.
00:17:55 - Grocery bagger.
00:17:56 - What's going to happen is he's going to have
00:17:58 another bad performance in one of the next two weeks.
00:18:02 If he doesn't have an injury by then,
00:18:04 he's going to get mad at Mahomes
00:18:06 for not throwing the ball anymore.
00:18:08 And then by week nine, he's going to get disciplined
00:18:11 by the team for yelling at Mahomes during practice
00:18:14 to throw him the ball more.
00:18:16 He's going to come back, get more angry at Mahomes
00:18:18 for not throwing the ball.
00:18:19 Probably take off his shoe, do something insane,
00:18:21 try to stab him with the toe cleat.
00:18:23 And then he's going to get traded, cut,
00:18:25 removed from the team.
00:18:26 - Raider.
00:18:27 - Raider.
00:18:28 - Raider.
00:18:29 - Raider.
00:18:30 - That's how the season plays out for Kedarious Tony.
00:18:32 I know how his brain works.
00:18:33 - Yeah, yeah.
00:18:34 It was not a good night for Kedarious Tony.
00:18:36 But a great night for the Lions.
00:18:38 Let's kick it to ourselves.
00:18:39 We're going to do a preview of every single game
00:18:42 on Sunday and Fantasy Fuckboys and Dan Patrick.
00:18:45 All right, it's time for NFL weekend picks
00:18:51 and preview for week one.
00:18:54 It's brought to you by our friends at Uber Eats.
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00:19:42 an extra running back for your fantasy team.
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00:19:47 They should deliver a field goal post.
00:19:48 - That should be, yeah, maybe in Knoxville.
00:19:50 That one's still floating around out there.
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00:20:13 for our NFL picks and preview.
00:20:15 Week one, boys, we made it.
00:20:18 We made it.
00:20:19 So what we're gonna do this year,
00:20:22 we already teased this, last year got a little confusing
00:20:26 when we'd go game by game and be like,
00:20:27 who's got a pick on this game?
00:20:29 We're gonna talk about every game,
00:20:30 and at the end, we're all gonna give our two best bets.
00:20:33 A total and a side, and that will be the competition.
00:20:37 So it'll be the best running competition
00:20:39 throughout the year, two best bets a week,
00:20:42 no overlap picks, we'll draft the picks,
00:20:45 but this way we're gonna talk about every game,
00:20:47 and then you get a little bit of gambling at the end.
00:20:50 I think what we should do,
00:20:51 I was thinking about how to strategically start it.
00:20:54 I think what I've done is I've separated the early slate
00:20:58 and how we preview this for our TV games
00:21:01 and our non-TV games.
00:21:03 So we have six TVs in the office.
00:21:05 So I think we'll have five TVs on games and red zone,
00:21:08 and there'll be a few off.
00:21:09 So we're gonna start with our TV games, okay?
00:21:12 And the first TV game I had was Bengals Browse.
00:21:15 - Yep, that's gonna be a sneaky good matchup.
00:21:16 It's one of these games where you look at the logos,
00:21:19 and if you've been watching football as long as we have,
00:21:21 there's still something shocking
00:21:23 about seeing these two logos next to each other
00:21:25 and thinking this is our one-one TV game of the week.
00:21:28 - Yes.
00:21:29 - But the Bengals are good.
00:21:30 - Bengals are really good.
00:21:31 - The Browns should be good.
00:21:32 We don't know what's gonna happen
00:21:33 with Deshaun Watson this season.
00:21:35 I'm pumped, I'm pumped for this game.
00:21:37 The battle for Ohio.
00:21:38 - I'm very pumped for this game.
00:21:39 The one thing that I have sticking in my head,
00:21:42 I am trying my best going into week one
00:21:46 to think about the long-term and the short-term here,
00:21:49 where it's like long-term,
00:21:50 I think the Bengals are a definite Super Bowl contender.
00:21:55 I would almost like pencil them in
00:21:56 to at least the second round AFC Championship game.
00:21:58 I think they are that good.
00:22:00 Short-term, Joe Burrow misses half of training camp again.
00:22:04 What happened last year, he missed it for his appendectomy.
00:22:07 He threw four picks against the Steelers,
00:22:09 lost in overtime to a Steelers team
00:22:11 that was not that good last year.
00:22:13 They were kind of middle of the road,
00:22:14 especially at the beginning of the season.
00:22:17 I feel like he's gonna be rusty again.
00:22:18 I think the Bengals will be there long-term,
00:22:20 but I think this is a tough spot for the Bengals,
00:22:24 week one with Joe Burrow coming back
00:22:26 from not practicing at all.
00:22:27 - Well, the exception for that,
00:22:29 the stat of the Browns being dominant over the Bengals
00:22:32 was that one game last year.
00:22:33 - Yeah.
00:22:34 - But recently, the Browns have been better head-to-head.
00:22:36 - I think they're five and one against Burrow.
00:22:37 - Five and one against Burrow.
00:22:39 And yeah, the Browns are, run the damn ball.
00:22:42 Let's start the season off on a good foot, Stefanski.
00:22:46 Run the damn ball.
00:22:47 Don't get cute with it.
00:22:48 I know you don't have Chunt anymore.
00:22:49 You just got Chubb, so they're missing Hunt,
00:22:51 but just give the fucking ball to Nick Chubb
00:22:54 and let him just run.
00:22:55 - I also, now this is, follow me along
00:22:57 because this might get a little weird,
00:22:58 but Deshaun Watson, everything off the field,
00:23:02 I think he's the perfect quarterback for the Browns,
00:23:04 and here's why.
00:23:05 The Browns are very good.
00:23:07 The Browns have a very good roster.
00:23:08 Deshaun Watson, when he was playing for the Texans,
00:23:10 was a phenomenal top five quarterback in the league, right?
00:23:15 But a lot of people don't want to talk about the Browns
00:23:17 'cause of Deshaun Watson, so it tempers the Browns' hype,
00:23:20 and the Browns are one of those teams
00:23:22 I put in the category of never over-hype the Browns
00:23:25 or the Lions, some of these teams.
00:23:27 He might be the perfect quarterback
00:23:28 where it's like, they are really, really good,
00:23:30 and if Deshaun Watson plays well,
00:23:31 they're gonna be phenomenal,
00:23:32 but we're not gonna hype 'em too much
00:23:34 'cause then we have to talk about Deshaun Watson.
00:23:36 - Well, you know who is talking about Deshaun Watson,
00:23:38 who is an advocate for Deshaun Watson,
00:23:39 maybe his biggest fan this year, actually.
00:23:41 - Who?
00:23:42 - Hank Lockwood. - Hank Lockwood.
00:23:44 - To our left.
00:23:44 Hank drafted Deshaun Watson,
00:23:46 which I thought was a disgusting act.
00:23:48 I disavow, personally.
00:23:50 - I do, too.
00:23:50 - I disavow Deshaun, but Hank strongly avows him.
00:23:53 - I mean, if the NFL wants to suspend him, they should.
00:23:56 - Oh, so now you're standing behind
00:23:59 what Roger Goodell said. - What about Brady's
00:24:00 four against suspension?
00:24:01 - No, that's what I'm saying.
00:24:02 If he's on the field, I'm rooting for him.
00:24:05 - Is there a Deshaun four like there was a Brady four?
00:24:08 - That would be a wild group.
00:24:09 - Danny Masterson?
00:24:10 - That would be a wild group.
00:24:11 - Yeah.
00:24:12 (laughing)
00:24:13 - I think he's gonna have a great year.
00:24:14 I think people are hatin' on him
00:24:17 'cause he was suspended for a lot of the year last year,
00:24:19 came back, was rusty,
00:24:20 but he's one of the best QBs in the league when he's good.
00:24:23 He's had a full off-season to train, full training camp.
00:24:25 - I think it'd be funnier if he just was bad
00:24:28 for the rest of his career,
00:24:29 but I do think he probably will.
00:24:30 I mean, he can't be as bad as he was last year, right?
00:24:32 - No, but I mean, taking a year and a half off football,
00:24:34 you're not gonna be the same
00:24:35 when you just get tossed back in.
00:24:37 - Yeah.
00:24:38 - So he's had an off-season to prepare.
00:24:39 He probably should be better this year.
00:24:41 How good does he have to be, though?
00:24:42 How good does DeSean have to be
00:24:45 to make the contract that he's getting worth it?
00:24:47 I feel like he has to win two Super Bowls
00:24:49 for that contract to be justified.
00:24:51 - Yeah, I think he has to be like
00:24:52 a top four quarterback in the AFC,
00:24:53 which is, you'd be like, oh, that's really hard to do.
00:24:56 - Yeah.
00:24:57 - When you list the names.
00:24:58 - He has the best contract
00:24:59 in the history of the NFL for a quarterback.
00:25:01 - Yeah, so this game's gonna be great, though.
00:25:04 - Yeah.
00:25:04 - I'm very, very excited.
00:25:05 - Number two on the television, 49ers Steelers.
00:25:10 49ers Steelers gonna be on the TV.
00:25:12 - Bosa's back.
00:25:13 - Bosa is back.
00:25:15 I still, though, this is such a classic Steelers spot.
00:25:19 I think it's like 15-3-1 or something.
00:25:21 Mike Tomlin is a home underdog.
00:25:24 And I know that they look great in preseason.
00:25:26 They're getting a little buzz.
00:25:27 But yeah, I just like,
00:25:29 Mike Tomlin knows how to get the guys going.
00:25:31 - Yeah, the 49ers are legit, though.
00:25:34 - Yo, they're most legit.
00:25:36 - They're the most Super Bowl.
00:25:37 I have more confidence in picking the 49ers
00:25:39 to make a championship game
00:25:41 than I do of any other team in either conference.
00:25:44 The AFC, 'cause they'll beat each other up.
00:25:46 The NFC, you've got the Eagles.
00:25:48 But I was seeing an interesting set.
00:25:49 The Eagles are the Super Bowl losers
00:25:52 in weeks one and two of the following season.
00:25:55 They stink across the board.
00:25:56 They might get off to a slow start.
00:25:58 But I feel like the 49ers, you can just pencil 'em in.
00:26:01 I'm pumped for this game, too.
00:26:01 It's gonna be great defensive football.
00:26:04 Now, I would like to see the Steelers
00:26:06 figure out something to do on offense
00:26:07 besides hit Fryer-Muth in the flat,
00:26:10 hit Najee in the flat.
00:26:12 - They don't know Washington now.
00:26:13 - Yeah, throw one ball to Pickens each game
00:26:16 that makes you be like, "Holy shit, this guy's an alien."
00:26:18 - Maybe have Deontay Johnson score a touchdown.
00:26:21 - One touchdown.
00:26:22 I would like to see something new
00:26:23 out of the Steelers' offense.
00:26:24 I just don't know if we're gonna get it.
00:26:27 - I'm ready to say it.
00:26:28 I think this is a legacy year for Kyle Shanahan.
00:26:30 - Okay.
00:26:31 - I think he has to win the Super Bowl.
00:26:33 - Or else?
00:26:34 - Or else.
00:26:34 - The legacy?
00:26:35 - Tarnished.
00:26:36 - His pristine championship pedigree has been tarnished?
00:26:38 - Yeah, no, I do think, though,
00:26:40 if he wins the Super Bowl, he will be the hottest.
00:26:43 He'll be the number one coach in the NFL.
00:26:45 You know how quickly that happens?
00:26:47 Sean McVay wins Super Bowl number one coach.
00:26:49 He has his legacy.
00:26:50 This is a legacy-defining season for him.
00:26:52 - I saw an urgent healthy QB, though.
00:26:54 - He needs a healthy QB.
00:26:55 - You can't blame last year on Kyle Shanahan.
00:26:57 - No, I don't, but he is considered one of the best coaches.
00:27:02 I think he's a phenomenal coach.
00:27:04 Everything is on this team.
00:27:05 They've paid everyone.
00:27:07 They can't pay everyone what they're paying them forever.
00:27:10 Everyone's gotten a new contract, hasn't he?
00:27:12 Like, Deebo Kittle, Bosa just got a contract.
00:27:16 - What about Warner?
00:27:17 Is he getting paid yet?
00:27:18 - I think he got a contract,
00:27:19 so they basically have to do it with Brock Purdy
00:27:22 because they're paying everyone else,
00:27:24 which is a good strategy if Brock Purdy can be good.
00:27:26 - If Purdy looks bad, I'm gonna start the
00:27:28 bring in Philip Rivers movement.
00:27:30 - Yeah.
00:27:30 - What's changed in the last six months?
00:27:32 What did Philip Rivers have six months ago
00:27:35 that he doesn't have now
00:27:36 that you would consider bringing him in on this team?
00:27:39 - Well, he--
00:27:40 - Probably another kid. - Another kid.
00:27:41 - Yeah, yeah, another kid.
00:27:41 - All he had to do was step on the field for the Super Bowl.
00:27:44 He would have to do a whole season.
00:27:46 - Yeah, Purdy struggles,
00:27:47 and I am officially a believer in Purdy.
00:27:50 He convinced me after like three starts last year.
00:27:52 He had that one throw across the middle.
00:27:53 I was like, okay, this guy can play.
00:27:55 But if he's not healthy,
00:27:57 I think Shanahan owes it to us as football fans
00:28:00 to bring in Philip Rivers.
00:28:01 - I also should say I'm officially a believer
00:28:03 in Purdy on the 49ers.
00:28:04 - Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:28:05 That's what I mean.
00:28:06 - If you put Purdy on the Cardinals, it'd be a disaster.
00:28:09 But yeah, on the 49ers.
00:28:10 Did you also see Minka Fitzpatrick tone setter?
00:28:12 He put ropes around the Steelers locker room
00:28:16 and around the logo in the locker room.
00:28:18 - Don't touch it.
00:28:19 - No more stepping on it.
00:28:20 It's the little things.
00:28:21 He said, "Something as small as keeping our logo clean.
00:28:23 "It's simple, but it means a lot."
00:28:25 - Yeah, don't touch it.
00:28:25 That's a hockey thing, right?
00:28:26 - Yeah, it is a hockey thing, but I like it.
00:28:28 Tone setter.
00:28:29 - Can I throw in one thing at the end of each game?
00:28:32 I have one nugget prepared for you.
00:28:33 - Yeah, go ahead.
00:28:34 Yeah, give us your nuggets.
00:28:35 - So I have a new segment called Nerd Nuggets.
00:28:37 - Okay. - Okay.
00:28:38 - Just reading it off on social media,
00:28:39 but I'll throw it on the show too.
00:28:41 If people, and if you guys don't like it, no offense.
00:28:43 Like I won't be offended.
00:28:45 For this game.
00:28:46 - You'll be a little bit offended.
00:28:46 - You're already apologizing for the Nerd Nuggets segment.
00:28:49 - Okay, a weird scheduling quirk.
00:28:50 The Steelers are opening the season at home
00:28:52 for the first time since 2014.
00:28:54 Over the last eight years,
00:28:55 Pittsburgh went five, two, and one on the road in week one.
00:28:57 - Oh, that is weird.
00:28:58 - So this is their first home week one game in nine years?
00:29:01 - Yeah.
00:29:02 - That's a Nerd Nugget.
00:29:03 Is there a reason for that?
00:29:04 Was that-
00:29:05 - I think it's just luck.
00:29:06 I don't know.
00:29:07 - I know that they like to have like rib fest
00:29:09 sometime in early September.
00:29:10 Maybe it was like, you know,
00:29:11 the Spurs go on the road every year for the rodeo trip.
00:29:14 Maybe it was like the rib trip.
00:29:15 We couldn't have them in week one.
00:29:17 I don't know.
00:29:18 - But it's a rare match.
00:29:21 Steelers at home week one.
00:29:22 - Yeah.
00:29:23 Okay.
00:29:24 Game number three on the TVs.
00:29:26 This is a, this is, we have to do this.
00:29:28 - By Commander's Cardinals.
00:29:30 - Yep.
00:29:31 - Commander's Cardinals will be on the TV.
00:29:31 - Wow.
00:29:32 - Okay.
00:29:33 - What, you're saying they won't?
00:29:34 - No.
00:29:35 - They have to be on there.
00:29:36 - It's the start of an era.
00:29:36 - PFT, sell us on this game being on TV.
00:29:38 - Okay.
00:29:39 I've got a great Nerd Nugget of my own.
00:29:41 It's fucking half price hot dog day in Routetown, Maryland.
00:29:45 It's a new era.
00:29:46 - Full price ad.
00:29:47 - Full price ad.
00:29:48 They took out a full page ad in the Washington Post
00:29:51 to announce that we're doing half price hot dogs
00:29:54 at the game.
00:29:55 Dan Snyder could never do that.
00:29:56 He would charge double and they'd be expired
00:29:58 and they'd probably already been stuck up his butt.
00:30:00 So it's a new system in DC across the board.
00:30:04 I'm excited to watch Sam Howell.
00:30:06 The Washington Post also did a very interesting article
00:30:08 about Sam Howell and how Mac Brown knew
00:30:11 that he was gonna be a guy in college
00:30:13 because he never went on dates.
00:30:14 - Ooh.
00:30:15 - It was even on Valentine's Day.
00:30:16 He would be like, Mac would go up to him and say,
00:30:18 "Hey, who's your date?"
00:30:18 He'd be like, "My only date tonight is with Madden."
00:30:21 - Wow.
00:30:22 - He's learned the playbook.
00:30:23 So he's married to the game.
00:30:24 - That, wait.
00:30:24 - He's married to the game of football.
00:30:25 - That also very much could be Mac Brown being so old
00:30:28 and out of touch that he didn't realize
00:30:30 that Sam Howell has a hot sorority girlfriend named Madden.
00:30:33 - That's also true.
00:30:34 - That is a hot sorority girlfriend.
00:30:36 - It is, yeah.
00:30:36 Like a bad girl.
00:30:38 A bad, bad girl.
00:30:39 - Maddy?
00:30:40 - Yeah, I feel like--
00:30:41 - That would be so great if Mac Brown
00:30:43 just didn't understand that situation whatsoever.
00:30:46 - Yeah.
00:30:47 But I choose to believe that he,
00:30:48 some of us miss football, he misses football
00:30:50 'cause he's married to the game.
00:30:53 And I think that Sam Howell is giving us every reason
00:30:56 to think that he could be a good quarterback this year.
00:30:58 Now he might suck ass, all right?
00:31:00 And I've prepared myself for that mentally.
00:31:02 But I don't think he's gonna suck enough ass
00:31:04 to not beat the Cardinals by seven points
00:31:06 because I have zero confidence in the Arizona Cardinals.
00:31:09 - No, they're gonna suck it.
00:31:10 I'm full on clip every weird thing Jonathan Gannon does
00:31:15 mode where I'm just gonna be watching him like a hawk.
00:31:17 - You gonna drive?
00:31:18 Who drove here?
00:31:20 Who rode the bus here?
00:31:21 - Well, you gotta light a fire in yourself.
00:31:23 - I want killers.
00:31:24 - Come on, man, we're gonna kill, we're gonna kill,
00:31:26 we're gonna take a bus here.
00:31:28 I'm going to mix up his name with Styken all the time.
00:31:31 - Wait, can you put that clip in
00:31:33 because it is that confusing, what BFT just,
00:31:35 it was almost verbatim what he did.
00:31:36 - I have no idea what he's trying to do there.
00:31:38 I don't know if he's been installed to tank.
00:31:40 And in fact, we're so dumb and we've been so wrong
00:31:43 about the NFL so frequently on the show
00:31:45 that now I'm starting to double doubt myself and say,
00:31:48 wait, we might be wrong about him.
00:31:50 - He might be a good coach.
00:31:51 They might be putting this out.
00:31:52 This might be seven dimensional chess that they're playing.
00:31:54 - I feel pretty confident saying no.
00:31:56 - I tend to agree with that.
00:31:57 And he's not releasing who the starter is gonna be
00:31:59 'cause you have to prepare for both Josh Dobbs
00:32:02 and then somebody else.
00:32:04 - Not Colt McCoy.
00:32:05 - You have to prepare for either Josh Dobbs
00:32:06 or not Josh Dobbs if you're the commanders.
00:32:09 And if you're the Cardinals,
00:32:10 you have to prepare for either Terry McLaurin
00:32:12 or not Terry McLaurin.
00:32:14 I think he's gonna play
00:32:14 and I think Chase Young's gonna play too.
00:32:16 So I love the commanders.
00:32:18 - Josh Dobbs or not Josh Dobbs is actually like
00:32:20 a straight up 50/50 split.
00:32:22 I don't know which one I want.
00:32:23 - I think I would rather prepare for,
00:32:26 I'd rather prepare for Josh Dobbs.
00:32:28 - But not Josh Dobbs could literally be anyone.
00:32:31 - If it's not Josh Dobbs,
00:32:32 then you're probably not gonna get seven interceptions.
00:32:35 - Well, what if it's Nathan Peterman?
00:32:37 - Then you could, yeah.
00:32:38 - Yeah.
00:32:38 - But I know that it's not--
00:32:39 - But we don't know who's under not Josh Dobbs.
00:32:41 - You either want Josh Dobbs
00:32:42 or there's infinity other people that it could be
00:32:44 that aren't Josh Dobbs.
00:32:45 - Yes.
00:32:46 All right, what's your nerd nugget?
00:32:47 - The commanders have won eight straight at home
00:32:49 against the Cardinals dating back to 1999.
00:32:52 It's Washington's longest active home winning streak
00:32:54 against any opponent.
00:32:55 - All right.
00:32:55 - Wow.
00:32:56 - There we go, I'm sold.
00:32:57 - All right, so it is, let's see,
00:32:59 roster overview, Arizona Cardinals, Josh Dobbs,
00:33:04 or wait, where is it?
00:33:06 Depth chart, do we know?
00:33:07 Do you know?
00:33:08 Does anyone know?
00:33:09 - It's definitely not Colt, they cut Colt,
00:33:11 which to me tells me that they are tanking
00:33:12 because if you want to win one game,
00:33:14 you have Colt McQuarrie in the roster.
00:33:16 - Clayton Toon.
00:33:17 - Oh, okay.
00:33:18 - Who I actually liked in college a lot.
00:33:19 - Clayton Toon, play for our guy Dana at Houston,
00:33:24 not a bad, I think I want Josh Dobbs now.
00:33:27 - As far as people who aren't Josh Dobbs goes,
00:33:31 I would rather have like,
00:33:32 I think I would rather take Clayton Toon
00:33:34 than 50% of people that aren't Josh Dobbs out there.
00:33:37 - Yes, yes.
00:33:38 All right, next TV game, Bucs Vikings.
00:33:41 - Yeah.
00:33:42 - Baker Mayfield, yeah, after the first two,
00:33:47 it gets a little--
00:33:48 - Don't get me wrong, I wasn't ewing football,
00:33:52 I was just ewing the Bucs.
00:33:54 - Well, yeah, the Bucs,
00:33:56 we will have Stephen Chey on the stream,
00:33:58 but yeah, the Bucs Vikings,
00:34:00 we'll see what the Vikings new defense looks like.
00:34:03 Baker, just trying to make something happen.
00:34:07 Is Mike Evans hurt or just wants to be treated?
00:34:09 - I think Mike Evans, his career is hurt.
00:34:12 - Okay, because that's the craziest part,
00:34:14 is like Baker Mayfield probably has his best weapons ever.
00:34:18 Right?
00:34:19 - Yeah, pretty good.
00:34:20 - I mean, Mike Evans is a hall of famer.
00:34:22 Chris Godwin.
00:34:23 - He had Odell Beckham.
00:34:24 - He did have Odell Beckham for a little bit,
00:34:26 but he didn't really want to play there.
00:34:27 - Yeah.
00:34:28 - I guess he did have Jarvis Landry and Odell Beckham,
00:34:31 but Mike Evans, I would, Mike Evans is awesome.
00:34:33 - He's very good.
00:34:34 I feel like he just wants to be treated though.
00:34:36 He's like, "Hey, I'm at this point in my career,
00:34:39 "we're not gonna be a contender this year,
00:34:40 "just please move me to a different team."
00:34:42 - Yes, yes, okay.
00:34:44 - I would say he's earned that right for Mike Evans.
00:34:46 - Nugget.
00:34:47 - Vikings finished 11 and 0 one score games last year,
00:34:49 just five and eight in 2021.
00:34:51 - Yeah, it feels like regression of the mean.
00:34:53 - Also, they might not be a contender,
00:34:55 but they're in the NFC South.
00:34:56 - True.
00:34:57 - That's a good point.
00:34:58 - That division, definitely you could win it
00:35:00 with probably nine, eight or nine games.
00:35:01 - So the good news for Kirk Cousins is,
00:35:03 I don't think it's gonna be a one score game.
00:35:05 I feel like this is prime Kirk Cousins,
00:35:08 opening day against an inferior team.
00:35:10 It's buried in the one o'clock, noon o'clock slate.
00:35:14 So he's not gonna be standing out.
00:35:16 This is a good Kirk Cousins game.
00:35:17 - Yeah, all right, and then the last TV game,
00:35:20 number five, I'll let you guys pick one or two.
00:35:22 - Two.
00:35:24 - Okay.
00:35:25 - Let's do one.
00:35:26 - I said two.
00:35:27 - Which one would you like?
00:35:28 - Let's do two.
00:35:29 - Jake, Jake, break the tie.
00:35:30 - Why don't we do one?
00:35:31 - One or two.
00:35:31 - Number two.
00:35:32 - You want two?
00:35:33 All right, you just got Ryan Tannehill
00:35:34 versus Derek Carr, Titan Saints.
00:35:37 The other one was Jags Colts.
00:35:38 - Yeah.
00:35:39 - No.
00:35:40 - It's kind of a toss up.
00:35:41 - You think Jags Colts?
00:35:41 - Hank was right, Hank was right.
00:35:42 - All right, so we'll go one.
00:35:43 - Trevor Lawrence, Anthony Richardson.
00:35:45 That's a QB matchup you want to watch.
00:35:46 - Okay, so Jags Colts, and we have our winners, right?
00:35:49 Did we announce our winners for the Colts tickets?
00:35:51 - Ty and Colin, congratulations.
00:35:52 - Congratulations.
00:35:53 - Congratulations, Ty and Colin.
00:35:54 The baby Ursae pictures were everything
00:35:56 that we had hoped for and more.
00:35:58 So you will be going to the game this weekend.
00:36:00 We'll have to figure out something different
00:36:01 to do next week, 'cause I feel like baby Ursae
00:36:03 is a one-time thing.
00:36:04 - Yeah, we'll just keep doing babies.
00:36:06 - Yeah.
00:36:07 - Just show us your, well, that gets a little creepy.
00:36:09 - They're not home again until week four,
00:36:11 so we have some time.
00:36:11 - You're just asking Indianapolis people
00:36:13 to send us their children?
00:36:15 - Yeah.
00:36:15 (laughing)
00:36:16 - Okay, yeah, this game, Jags Colts, I agree.
00:36:19 Now, I'll say this right now, Dennis Allen,
00:36:21 who is an AWL, long-time listener,
00:36:24 if you decide to start Jameis Winston,
00:36:25 you will get on the TV.
00:36:27 - Absolutely.
00:36:27 - That's a fact.
00:36:28 - Yeah, we'll smash the Jameis,
00:36:29 we'll break that glass in case of emergency.
00:36:32 What's the stat in this one, Jake?
00:36:33 Do you have the nerd nugget that says
00:36:34 that the Colts haven't, they haven't won in week one?
00:36:38 - In week one in 2013, which I've been reminding you guys
00:36:40 all summer, which you are ignoring, right?
00:36:43 - Well, you told us to ignore everything.
00:36:45 - Well, you told me to.
00:36:46 - Yeah, but then you told it back to us.
00:36:48 - Yeah, that and they're having a different
00:36:51 week one starting quarterback
00:36:52 for the eighth straight year, the Colts.
00:36:54 - That's pretty impressive.
00:36:55 - Andrew Luck, Scott Tolzien, Andrew Luck again,
00:36:58 Jacoby Brissett, Phillip Rivers, Carson Wentz,
00:37:00 Matt Ryan, Anthony Richardson.
00:37:02 - Wow.
00:37:03 - That's a very depressing list.
00:37:05 - One in, one 13 and one against the spread
00:37:08 since 2008, week ones.
00:37:10 - Anthony Richardson, though.
00:37:11 - Anthony Richardson, your Heisman Trophy winner.
00:37:14 - Good point, Hank, but counterpoint,
00:37:16 Jaguars minimum 13 wins.
00:37:18 Per P. Briscoe.
00:37:20 - Disaster if they don't get there.
00:37:21 - Oh man, if they don't win this one,
00:37:24 he's gonna be in so much trouble.
00:37:25 - It's gonna be tough to find your way to 13 wins
00:37:26 if you lose week one to the Colts.
00:37:28 - Yeah, Trevor Lawrence is four and 14 straight up
00:37:31 in 7-11 against the spread on the road.
00:37:33 Okay, I know this sounds stupid about Trevor Lawrence,
00:37:37 but I believe in these things.
00:37:39 I think the demise of Dabo definitely
00:37:41 affects Trevor Lawrence.
00:37:42 It's like college rankings, like your diploma goes down.
00:37:47 If Dabo starts to go into the dumpster,
00:37:50 Trevor Lawrence now, it's like, well, what'd he ever do?
00:37:52 - But counterpoint, doesn't it make Trevor Lawrence
00:37:54 look better?
00:37:55 - He overcame him?
00:37:56 - He was able to drag Dabo Sweeney to an alley.
00:37:58 - I can be convinced that way, yeah.
00:37:59 I can be convinced.
00:38:00 All right, so that sounds like we're gonna play the results.
00:38:02 - We'll have to wait, yeah.
00:38:03 So post-week one--
00:38:04 - Sounds like we're right.
00:38:05 - We'll figure out which one of us was right
00:38:07 because somebody on this show is.
00:38:08 - Well, no, we're both right
00:38:09 because we're both believing in both at the same time.
00:38:12 And whenever the results come out, we'll assign, yeah.
00:38:15 - It's called playing every side.
00:38:16 That way I always come out on top.
00:38:17 - Yeah, it's predetermining storylines.
00:38:20 And then we fit in the pieces at the end.
00:38:22 - I keep expecting Trevor Lawrence to just wow me
00:38:25 and come out week one with slightly shorter hair.
00:38:29 And then I could fully believe in him.
00:38:31 Then I can be like, this dude can win a Super Bowl.
00:38:33 - Yeah, but no, he won't.
00:38:35 All right, other games, Panthers, Falcons.
00:38:38 This game's gonna probably stink,
00:38:39 although I'm high on the Falcons.
00:38:41 We didn't even mention that Arthur Smith
00:38:43 created the Joker position for Cordero Patterson.
00:38:45 - Yeah. - That ruled.
00:38:47 Arthur Smith felt a little testy there
00:38:50 at the press conference.
00:38:50 I like that, I want a little fire from him.
00:38:52 - Did you see what the new wrinkle
00:38:54 that the Falcons are gonna be unveiling
00:38:56 in Mercedes Benz Superdome is?
00:38:57 - No.
00:38:58 - They've got a security guard, but it's a dog.
00:39:01 It's a robotic security guard dog named Benzie.
00:39:05 - Like the Boston Dynamics one?
00:39:05 - It's like the Boston Dynamics dog.
00:39:07 It's gonna be patrolling the sidelines.
00:39:10 I think they need to re-sign Michael Vick
00:39:11 to take care of this thing
00:39:12 because this thing is freaking me out.
00:39:15 Nobody wants the weird robot security dogs.
00:39:18 Bezos and Boston Dynamics have been
00:39:20 pushing those weird fucking dogs on us for years.
00:39:23 We don't want it, we don't want those dogs.
00:39:25 - No thank you.
00:39:26 - But anyways, that's my fun, that's my man meat
00:39:28 as opposed to Jake's nerd nugget.
00:39:30 - Like, yeah, I think the Falcons are gonna win this game.
00:39:33 Oh, the last thing I had was, did you guys see,
00:39:37 it was a very niche fantasy argument
00:39:40 that just gave me a little chuckle.
00:39:41 An athletic writer did a big breakdown
00:39:44 of the Falcons roster and he said that Kyle Pitts
00:39:47 is gonna be fourth in targets this year.
00:39:49 And everyone's like, what the fuck, fourth?
00:39:51 How are you fourth in targets?
00:39:52 And then he was like, well, I meant targets plus carries,
00:39:56 which is a completely different thing.
00:39:58 - So does he also include, I guess, Bijan Robinson?
00:40:01 - Yeah, no, yeah, Tyler Algier is third
00:40:03 and Kyle Pitts is fourth.
00:40:05 And everyone's like, how the hell is this guy
00:40:06 gonna get more targets than Kyle Pitts?
00:40:08 He's like, well, I was talking about carries too.
00:40:10 - He meant touches.
00:40:11 - Yes, yes.
00:40:12 - Touches on the ball.
00:40:13 - Opportunities.
00:40:14 - I'm very interested to see what Arthur Smith does
00:40:17 with Bijan Robinson.
00:40:19 If you get a new toy at running back,
00:40:21 you draft him very high, are you just gonna give him
00:40:23 the ball 30 times in the first game?
00:40:24 - Why not?
00:40:25 - I would.
00:40:26 - Why not?
00:40:27 - Let's ride.
00:40:27 - All right, Titans.
00:40:28 - I do have a fun stat for this game.
00:40:30 - Yeah.
00:40:31 - Number one overall quarterbacks in their debuts
00:40:35 are 013 and one straight up.
00:40:38 One and 13 against the spread.
00:40:40 Now don't look any further into that than thinking like,
00:40:44 okay, maybe the team that drafts
00:40:45 in the first overall position isn't very good.
00:40:48 We're just talking, this is a complete judgment
00:40:50 on Bryce Young as an individual here.
00:40:52 So according to history, 013 and one straight up.
00:40:57 Just keep that in mind.
00:40:58 - That's tough, that's tough.
00:40:59 - All the Bryce's members out there.
00:41:00 - So I'm doing a lot, I'm holding my Bryce's stock.
00:41:05 It's a long play.
00:41:06 - You're gonna see who comes out on top.
00:41:08 - It's not gonna be great this year,
00:41:09 I'll say that right now, but it's a long play.
00:41:11 - Okay.
00:41:12 - Yeah.
00:41:13 - Frank Reich's tenure as Panther side coach
00:41:14 begins in a familiar place.
00:41:15 He started as the opening day quarterback
00:41:18 in the Panthers inaugural season in '95 against the Falcons.
00:41:21 - Oh wow.
00:41:22 - Interesting.
00:41:22 - Okay, that's very interesting.
00:41:23 - Yeah.
00:41:24 - All right, Titans Saints.
00:41:26 This has the chances of being the most boring game
00:41:29 with two teams that could go to the playoffs.
00:41:32 'Cause I feel like this is going to be defense,
00:41:35 new, you know, Derek Carr, new offense, maybe slow start.
00:41:39 And I feel like the Titans are gonna win like 20 to 17.
00:41:43 - I'm kind of believing in the Saints.
00:41:45 - I'm kind of believing in the Titans.
00:41:47 - 'Cause here's the thing, Derek Carr,
00:41:48 not a bad quarterback.
00:41:49 - Jameis is better.
00:41:50 - Not a great quarterback, Jameis is definitely better.
00:41:52 But Derek Carr, not a bad quarterback.
00:41:55 Their defense was really good last year.
00:41:56 - I guess I should say that if Derek Carr beat out Jameis
00:42:01 in the depth chart, then Derek Carr's a hall of famer.
00:42:03 - Yeah, he should be, first ballot.
00:42:05 - 'Cause Jameis is a hall of famer.
00:42:06 - They are gonna be missing Alvin Kamara,
00:42:07 who's suspended for what, three weeks, four weeks?
00:42:10 - Is that the punching incident?
00:42:10 - That was the punching incident from like five years ago
00:42:13 where he beat up a guy in Las Vegas,
00:42:14 which you should be allowed to do.
00:42:16 There's no rules in Las Vegas.
00:42:17 So he's out, so I don't know how the running game's
00:42:20 gonna look, but I still feel like Derek Carr,
00:42:22 probably an upgrade at the quarterback position.
00:42:24 - Yeah, yeah.
00:42:26 Who was it last year?
00:42:29 - Andy Dalton.
00:42:30 - Andy Dalton, yeah.
00:42:31 - Andy Dalton.
00:42:32 - Yes, and Ian Book in that one game.
00:42:34 That was the worst game ever played.
00:42:35 - And Blake Bortles was on the roster that game.
00:42:37 - Blake Bortles was on the roster.
00:42:38 Okay, and then last game in the noon slate,
00:42:41 Texans, Ravens.
00:42:43 So Ravens are going to demolish the Texans.
00:42:48 - I probably agree with that, and I am a Stroud boy.
00:42:50 - Oh, is it gonna be in the 100?
00:42:52 - No, they're not, they're not, they're not.
00:42:53 But this is probably the biggest survivor pick
00:42:57 that if they lose, it'll be the classic.
00:42:59 Like 90% of people's survivor pools are busted.
00:43:02 - Agreed, agreed.
00:43:04 - And that always happens.
00:43:04 - Last I checked, it was 30% of America
00:43:07 is taking the Ravens in survivor pools.
00:43:10 20% is taking the Commanders, which is wild to think.
00:43:13 - Yeah.
00:43:14 - But who's that, who's that boy?
00:43:16 - That might be it then.
00:43:16 That might be it then.
00:43:18 That might be it then.
00:43:18 - What, what, you piece of shit?
00:43:20 - One of those two is winning.
00:43:22 - You're gonna take the Cardinals.
00:43:23 - The Commanders or the Cardinals or the Texans will win.
00:43:27 - I know it, I just know you are.
00:43:28 - Yeah, I probably will.
00:43:29 - I just do it.
00:43:30 - But this is a new look Ravens.
00:43:31 They got, they got wide receivers for the first time.
00:43:33 That's gonna look very unusual to see the Ravens
00:43:35 throwing the ball downfield.
00:43:36 - Yes, yes.
00:43:37 I think Lamar's gonna have an awesome year.
00:43:39 - Yeah.
00:43:40 - I'm high on Lamar this year.
00:43:41 All right, afternoon games.
00:43:43 Packers, Bears.
00:43:45 I've said this on many platforms, but I do,
00:43:50 it's a slightly hyperbolic, but I do think
00:43:52 that this might be the biggest game
00:43:53 in Bears franchise history.
00:43:55 - It's good you didn't set yourself up then.
00:43:58 - Yeah, right, it's good that I'm not putting
00:44:00 too much weight into this game.
00:44:02 But yeah, it feels so significant because it is the Packers,
00:44:05 because it's Jordan Love's first, you know, real season.
00:44:08 Justin Fields' big season, hopefully coming up.
00:44:11 It just, there's been a lot of shit talk,
00:44:14 a lot of people talking about Justin Fields sucking.
00:44:17 I'm so excited to see this Bears offense.
00:44:20 - Who are these people that thinks that Justin Fields sucks?
00:44:22 - A lot of people do.
00:44:23 I mean, a lot of people do.
00:44:25 - He's very good.
00:44:26 - Yeah, I know, but a lot of people think he sucks.
00:44:27 - He's very good.
00:44:28 - If you, there's a lot of people who think he's trash.
00:44:32 - Well, I would disagree with that.
00:44:33 - I would disagree a lot.
00:44:34 - I think the Bears are gonna win this game, Big Cat,
00:44:37 but I did go back and I watched some of the all 22
00:44:40 on Jordan Love, and I saw that one pass that he threw
00:44:43 that went like 70 yards, and he was rolling out to his left.
00:44:46 - There was one pass.
00:44:47 - That was a good pass.
00:44:48 - That made me nervous.
00:44:48 - It was a really good pass.
00:44:49 - It's just gonna be a really sad day.
00:44:51 But you know what?
00:44:53 This is why the AWLs are AWLs.
00:44:54 I know what they're rooting for.
00:44:55 They're rooting for like, I will be as sad as sad could be
00:44:58 for a week one loss, 'cause like week one,
00:45:00 you shouldn't get that down.
00:45:02 I will be as down as I could be.
00:45:04 - Is Christian Wood playing?
00:45:05 - I don't know.
00:45:06 He's got a hammy, but I think he was just limited
00:45:08 in practice.
00:45:10 Either way, the Bears are ready to go.
00:45:11 - Watson, Christian Watson.
00:45:12 - You're not gonna like this one.
00:45:14 Go ahead, James.
00:45:15 - Oh, God.
00:45:16 - Christian Watson did not practice again today.
00:45:17 - Okay, good.
00:45:18 He's a problem.
00:45:19 - So Jordan Love, obviously the only third,
00:45:22 the only the third quarterback to start a season over
00:45:25 for Green Bay since '93.
00:45:25 - You're gonna have to clean this up, Jake.
00:45:28 - Jordan Love will become the only the third quarterback
00:45:31 to start a season opener for Green Bay since 1993.
00:45:35 Both Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre were winners
00:45:37 in their first week one starts.
00:45:39 - Wow.
00:45:40 - You know what?
00:45:41 Fuck teams like the Patriots, no disrespect, Hank,
00:45:43 and the Packers.
00:45:45 - Yes.
00:45:46 - That have gotten to enjoy, and for a while, the Colts,
00:45:48 who get to enjoy just decades of consistency at quarterback.
00:45:51 - This has been my argument about anyone out there
00:45:55 who a Bears fan who's wavering at all on Justin Fields,
00:45:58 Jordan Love, this whole dynamic.
00:46:01 Just go all in, blind faith.
00:46:03 Go all in with Justin Fields, and go all in saying
00:46:06 that Jordan Love's gonna suck.
00:46:08 What's the worst thing that could happen?
00:46:10 - You could be wrong.
00:46:10 - We just go right back to where we've been
00:46:12 for the last 25 years.
00:46:14 - Yeah.
00:46:14 - Where the Packers have a Hall of Fame quarterback,
00:46:16 and the Bears are searching for them.
00:46:17 If it's not as catastrophic of a situation
00:46:22 if you've lived through it.
00:46:24 Like I know where, like if I have to go back to this place,
00:46:28 it'll be like going back to an old apartment,
00:46:29 being like, oh yeah, I know where the, you know,
00:46:31 like I know that this floorboard's a little weird,
00:46:33 and I know like, you know, the toilet is a little,
00:46:35 you gotta hit it twice.
00:46:36 Like I know the place that I could end up in,
00:46:39 so why not just believe that it's gonna be different
00:46:42 this time?
00:46:42 - Yeah, you should.
00:46:43 - Right, blind faith.
00:46:44 - You should, you absolutely should.
00:46:45 It's okay to love, okay?
00:46:47 It's okay to go--
00:46:47 - Well, no.
00:46:48 - Oh yeah, it's okay to field.
00:46:50 - It's, yeah, field.
00:46:51 - It's okay to field.
00:46:52 - It's field emotions.
00:46:53 - Field your fieldings.
00:46:54 - Yes.
00:46:55 - And just lean into it.
00:46:56 This is a rare chance that you have for your Bears fan.
00:46:59 There's no chance that he sucks.
00:47:00 He's not a sucky quarterback.
00:47:02 - Jordan Love?
00:47:03 - No, no, Fields.
00:47:04 - Oh, okay, all right.
00:47:05 - He's not bad, he's really good.
00:47:06 He did things that I've never seen a quarterback
00:47:08 do last year.
00:47:09 I think he's gonna be better.
00:47:10 He's gonna have a better career than Trevor Lawrence.
00:47:12 I'm gonna stand by that commitment.
00:47:14 - Let's go.
00:47:15 - I said it just, I said it for my balls one time last year,
00:47:17 not for my brain.
00:47:18 - Feel it.
00:47:19 - But sometimes I'm fielding my fieldings right now
00:47:21 and it's coming from my balls.
00:47:22 - So someone said, by the end of the season,
00:47:25 Justin Fields would be the second best quarterback
00:47:26 at the NFC.
00:47:28 That's a good take to have
00:47:29 because there's not a ton of quarterbacks at the NFC,
00:47:31 but it feels good to say.
00:47:33 - Yeah.
00:47:34 - Okay, Raiders Broncos.
00:47:35 I actually think the Broncos,
00:47:39 well, here's my theory.
00:47:40 I don't think the Broncos are gonna be very good overall.
00:47:42 I think this game, they're gonna be very good
00:47:44 because Sean Payton is going to call
00:47:47 the best game of his life.
00:47:49 And then when Russell Wilson eventually regresses,
00:47:51 he can be like, look,
00:47:52 you saw what I was able to do for a couple of weeks here.
00:47:55 - So-- - It's not my fault.
00:47:56 - I actually think that the Raiders
00:47:57 are gonna be a historically bad team this year.
00:48:00 I think all the signs are pointing to the Raiders
00:48:03 just completely imploding on themselves.
00:48:05 And I'm gonna really enjoy watching that.
00:48:08 The curse of cutting Will Compton.
00:48:10 That's what I say.
00:48:11 - Yeah, I like that.
00:48:12 I like that a lot.
00:48:14 Max Crosby is a Broncos killer.
00:48:16 11 and a half sacks over his last seven games
00:48:19 against Denver.
00:48:20 - Wow. - Wow.
00:48:21 - Okay. - Jake, you know who else
00:48:22 was a Broncos killer?
00:48:23 - Who? - OJ.
00:48:25 - Mm-hmm.
00:48:26 I think the weather's gonna be in like the mid 80s,
00:48:30 which doesn't really meet my usual formula,
00:48:33 but it's like statistically a very profitable thing
00:48:37 to back the Broncos in September at home.
00:48:39 - Yeah. - Because it's hot
00:48:41 and the altitude, it's very hard for teams
00:48:43 to adjust to that.
00:48:44 So just throw that out there.
00:48:46 - Yep.
00:48:48 I also like interdivisional matchups in week one.
00:48:51 - Oh, I love it. - I really love that.
00:48:52 - I love it. - You get off to a hot start.
00:48:54 - I love it.
00:48:55 - Also, we should mention Carl Nassib retired.
00:48:57 - Yes, shout out.
00:48:58 - Thanks for coming out, Carl Nassib.
00:48:59 - Yes, thank you. - I have a fun fact
00:49:00 about Carl Nassib.
00:49:01 - Yeah, give it to us, Penn State.
00:49:03 - Penn State.
00:49:04 Also, his dad was my dad's roommate in college.
00:49:07 - Wow. - Whoa.
00:49:08 - Yeah, I knew.
00:49:09 And his brother, Ryan Nassib, his brother,
00:49:11 played with my brother.
00:49:12 - In Syracuse.
00:49:13 - Does the sneaking out in the middle of the night
00:49:15 and waking up in your roommate's bed thing,
00:49:17 does that run the family?
00:49:18 - I don't know how that relates.
00:49:22 - Well, does Carl Nassib being gay run in the family?
00:49:25 - In his family? - Yeah.
00:49:29 - I don't think so.
00:49:30 - Okay. - It's fine if it does.
00:49:31 - Yeah, we're of sex-positive podcasts.
00:49:34 We always have been.
00:49:35 - Love is love. - We have a presentation
00:49:36 coming later. - Fields is Fields.
00:49:38 - Yeah, Fields is Fields, yeah.
00:49:40 All right, Dolphins Chargers.
00:49:42 Fun matchup.
00:49:44 - Yeah, very fun.
00:49:45 Fun uniform matchup.
00:49:47 This matchup to me screams points.
00:49:49 - It's points and it's also, if you remember last year,
00:49:53 the moment that the Dolphins season
00:49:55 started to really crater was that Dolphins Chargers game
00:49:58 when it felt like the Chargers had figured out
00:50:01 how to stop Mike McDaniel's offense
00:50:02 and they were jamming him with the line
00:50:04 and not letting them have explosive plays.
00:50:06 It also had, remember, was that the game
00:50:08 that Tyree Cale picked up the ball
00:50:10 and ran for a touchdown?
00:50:11 - That was awesome.
00:50:12 - 'Cause I think I had the over in that game
00:50:13 and I was like, "Oh, we're back,"
00:50:15 and it ended at like 17-10.
00:50:16 - Tyreek is gonna look so fast against the Seawards.
00:50:20 The Seawards are actually healthy right now,
00:50:22 as we say every year in week one.
00:50:24 They're finally healthy, they're a healthy team.
00:50:26 I don't wanna curse 'em, but I kind of believe in them
00:50:30 in the first four games of the season.
00:50:32 'Cause that's usually, you can set your watch to it,
00:50:34 that's when they usually have their first
00:50:36 debilitating injury of the year to an impact player.
00:50:38 They're healthy right now.
00:50:40 I think I'm gonna, I lasted exactly zero games
00:50:43 of the Seawards and not betting on them.
00:50:45 I'm gonna bet on the Seawards this week.
00:50:46 - I think this is a, do you have any pride game
00:50:50 for Mike McDaniel, what's that?
00:50:51 - That's Siri, she's an eavesdropping bitch.
00:50:54 - He's got eight months to figure out
00:50:57 this Chargers defense that kind of put him
00:50:59 in a body bag last year.
00:51:01 So I think the Dolphins are gonna come out explosives.
00:51:03 Pew, pew, pew, pew, shots.
00:51:05 - Hot seat, Brandon Saley.
00:51:07 Officially on the hot seat before the season even starts.
00:51:09 'Cause he's doing those weird yoga things.
00:51:11 Nice guy, we really actually enjoyed Brandon Saley
00:51:13 on the show, we should have him back on.
00:51:15 Actually, we should have him back on,
00:51:16 he should come back on so that if the hot seat gets hot,
00:51:20 you know that we'll be too big of pussies
00:51:22 to actually put him on the hot seat.
00:51:24 So, do the right move, Brandon Saley,
00:51:26 come back on the show.
00:51:27 That just goes for any coach.
00:51:29 If you think you're about to lose your job,
00:51:31 just come on the show and we will be cowards
00:51:33 about it for at least a month.
00:51:35 Like, Daniel Hackett got way too much,
00:51:39 we were too nice.
00:51:40 - I mean, who's the one coach that we put on the hot seat
00:51:42 more than any other coach in the NFL right now?
00:51:44 On this show?
00:51:45 Bill Belichick, we talk about Belichick.
00:51:48 - Kalapari.
00:51:49 - Kalapari, yeah, but also Bill Belichick,
00:51:51 and he's never been on the show.
00:51:52 - Yeah, so he's gotta come on the show.
00:51:54 Rams, Seahawks, I actually think the Rams
00:51:56 are gonna be really, really bad.
00:51:58 - Okay.
00:51:59 - Yeah, I think they're in like a weird,
00:52:01 almost tanking but not tanking situation.
00:52:04 Cooper Kopp, obviously out.
00:52:06 Matthew Stafford, I feel like, I don't know.
00:52:08 I don't know what to expect.
00:52:09 - We don't know what we're gonna get from them.
00:52:10 - The injuries have been weird.
00:52:12 - Stetson Bennett time, maybe.
00:52:13 - Yeah, they're resetting the whole deck,
00:52:15 like the salary cap, they didn't go out
00:52:17 and make like the crazy, I actually think,
00:52:19 and quote me if I'm wrong, I believe that next year,
00:52:23 come late April, the Los Angeles Rams
00:52:28 will be selecting in the first round.
00:52:29 - That's incredible.
00:52:30 - Insane.
00:52:31 - Fuck them picks.
00:52:32 - Insane.
00:52:32 So the first time they've had a first round pick,
00:52:35 maybe a little, you know, tank-a-roo, top five pick.
00:52:39 - So if they're trying to tank,
00:52:41 I would imagine that they would not have
00:52:42 Matt Stafford play this season.
00:52:44 - Yeah, well, he's gonna start.
00:52:45 - He's gonna start, but--
00:52:46 - Who knows, will he finish?
00:52:47 - If things look bad, they might take him out.
00:52:49 Also, you know that guy Dove Kleinman?
00:52:53 - Yeah, the robot?
00:52:54 - The robot?
00:52:55 Did you know that he reported inaccurately
00:52:57 that Kelly Stafford's wife had cancer again?
00:53:01 - That's pretty fucked up.
00:53:02 - And then he deleted it and acted like it didn't happen?
00:53:04 That's really fucked up.
00:53:06 - Yeah, I completely--
00:53:07 - Mike Fleur, you're off the hook
00:53:08 for killing Terry Bradshaw.
00:53:09 - I completely forgot about that.
00:53:11 - Yikes.
00:53:11 That, you can't delete that, you have to edit that.
00:53:14 - Yes.
00:53:15 - You can't just be like, whoops.
00:53:17 - Yeah.
00:53:18 - None to see here.
00:53:19 - You just edit it and put--
00:53:20 - Dot, dot, dot, JK.
00:53:21 - But it does not.
00:53:21 - Yeah, it does not.
00:53:22 - Psych, you just replied to your tweet with psych.
00:53:24 - All right, last afternoon game.
00:53:26 It's a big one.
00:53:28 Eagles-Patriots.
00:53:29 I can't believe we get Max versus Hank week one.
00:53:31 - What a treat.
00:53:33 - Kettle corn.
00:53:34 Kettle corn.
00:53:35 - Get your kettle corn ready, as everyone says.
00:53:38 First, let's address the Bill Belichick rumors.
00:53:41 - Rumors.
00:53:42 - Would you like to?
00:53:43 - Sure, say.
00:53:44 - The Daily Mail reported that Bill Belichick
00:53:47 and his longtime girlfriend have broken up.
00:53:49 - Don't even use his mail.
00:53:50 (laughing)
00:53:52 - And it has--
00:53:53 - Obama does.
00:53:54 - It has, Pat's executives are on edge.
00:53:58 The report says there's a concern about what Linda
00:54:00 might post about online after the breakup.
00:54:02 Report also says it's been a drawn out
00:54:05 back and forth breakup.
00:54:06 Kind of feels dirty to be doing this reporting.
00:54:09 - Here's a question, who's ever been in a breakup
00:54:10 and hasn't been a little worried about what gets posted
00:54:12 after a breakup?
00:54:13 - That's true, good point.
00:54:14 Good point, Hank.
00:54:15 - Probably a lot of people.
00:54:16 - And Bill Belichick doesn't use social media
00:54:18 so he can't fire back.
00:54:19 And he's about to start the season,
00:54:21 so she's probably mad.
00:54:23 She could probably--
00:54:24 - She's probably a Jets operative.
00:54:25 - Yeah, she's got all the ammo 'cause she's the one
00:54:28 that's on social media.
00:54:29 She's got a good following.
00:54:31 And he's just focused on the season.
00:54:32 - What would be the funniest--
00:54:33 - That's what their concern is.
00:54:34 - Okay, what would be the funniest thing to come out
00:54:36 of her posting a screenshot or some sort of fetish
00:54:41 that Bill Belichick has that does not--
00:54:43 - Like Bill Belichick and Gronk.
00:54:45 I guess he's got a girlfriend too.
00:54:46 Like some type of boy strip Bill Belichick went on.
00:54:49 (laughing)
00:54:50 - Yeah, and did what? - It would be hilarious.
00:54:52 Partied.
00:54:54 - I think-- - Maybe cheated.
00:54:55 - A foot fetish would be very funny.
00:54:57 If he had to think of feet. - A foot fetish?
00:54:58 - If he loved feet, like Michael Parsons.
00:55:00 - Yeah, that's why he loves Doug Flutie Dropkick.
00:55:02 - Maybe a piss situation.
00:55:04 - What if she, why are we just not understanding
00:55:08 the obvious here?
00:55:09 What if she just knows the playbook?
00:55:11 - Yeah. - Like we're thinking
00:55:12 about breakup stuff.
00:55:13 What if she just knows like, Bill Belichick,
00:55:16 what do you think Bill Belichick and his girlfriend
00:55:18 talk about at dinner?
00:55:19 Football.
00:55:20 - And the dog-- - She knows everything
00:55:21 that Bill Belichick knows about football.
00:55:23 - The dog that Bill Belichick had drafting for the team
00:55:26 that COVID year is her dog.
00:55:28 - Yeah, so it could be just--
00:55:30 - So the Patriots might lose their GM.
00:55:32 - Yeah, fuck. - That's tough.
00:55:34 It would actually, it would make a lot of sense
00:55:36 if her and Tom Brady had a thing.
00:55:39 Tom moves out of town, goes down to Florida.
00:55:42 It was a lot easier for him to be with her
00:55:45 when he was up in New England,
00:55:45 just stay late at the facility.
00:55:47 Now he's like hopping on planes,
00:55:49 taking secret plane rides to go visit Linda.
00:55:51 He gets caught, Giselle breaks up with him.
00:55:54 Maybe that's what was going on.
00:55:55 - You should send this to Florida.
00:55:56 - I will. - The good news is that
00:55:58 Tom Brady will be in the building
00:56:00 and they can probably talk about
00:56:02 like how to deal with a public breakup.
00:56:04 - Oh. - They're honoring him.
00:56:05 - Oh, they're honoring him. - Yeah.
00:56:07 - They're gonna come out in special formation like Harbaugh.
00:56:10 That'd be great.
00:56:11 Also, Hank, my antenna went up yesterday
00:56:14 because Belichick gave one of his patented
00:56:16 like 10 minute long answers.
00:56:17 - It was amazing. - So great.
00:56:18 - He does this-- - It was amazing.
00:56:19 - This is why I want him on the show so bad.
00:56:21 - He does it like once a season
00:56:22 and they asked him about long snappers.
00:56:25 Do you really need a long snapper on the roster?
00:56:27 Can't you just train somebody else
00:56:29 that's an impact player to long snap
00:56:31 and save that roster spot?
00:56:32 Well, he goes on a 10 minute explanation
00:56:34 about the history of special teams, punt block formation,
00:56:37 and then how punters have now become holders.
00:56:40 And it just goes into all these crazy football tangents.
00:56:43 He gives a little smile at the end of it
00:56:44 like that's your one answer that you get per year.
00:56:46 I was happy to give it.
00:56:48 I was thinking to myself,
00:56:48 maybe it sounds like he's buttering up the media
00:56:51 a little bit to get them on his side,
00:56:53 being friendly with him,
00:56:54 knowing that a bombshell is about to drop.
00:56:56 - I don't think there's a bombshell about to drop.
00:56:57 And you said it, he does it once a year.
00:56:59 And it's always a question that's a random question,
00:57:02 usually about special teams or something like that,
00:57:04 that he just, he loves to go in depth on,
00:57:05 show his knowledge.
00:57:07 - Okay.
00:57:08 - Okay, so Max, this is a big game for you.
00:57:11 - Why?
00:57:12 - Because let's be honest,
00:57:14 the Eagles have Super Bowl aspirations.
00:57:16 The Patriots, not a lot of people are patient
00:57:19 to go to the Super Bowl.
00:57:21 What would be one thing that would bother you
00:57:23 for the whole year is Hank having a Trump card
00:57:25 where he could just lay it on the table and be like,
00:57:27 are the Eagles that good?
00:57:28 The Patriots beat them.
00:57:30 - Yeah, that would really suck.
00:57:31 But it comes down to this.
00:57:36 - Okay, hold on, hold on.
00:57:38 Let me stand up and sit down for this.
00:57:41 - Okay.
00:57:42 - All right, it comes down to this.
00:57:44 - Eagles are good, Patriots bad.
00:57:46 Eagles D-line, best pass rush in the league.
00:57:51 - Except in the Super Bowl.
00:57:53 - Pats O-line bad.
00:57:56 - According to Pete Prisco.
00:57:57 - According to Pete Prisco,
00:57:59 pats O-line very bad.
00:58:01 I don't know how they're stopping the Eagles D-line.
00:58:03 And it's not like Mac Jones is gonna be evading
00:58:05 a lot of pressure back there.
00:58:06 That's really the only,
00:58:08 like I don't see a scenario where the Eagles D-line
00:58:12 doesn't sack Mac Jones six times.
00:58:14 - Did you hear the part about Brady being in the building?
00:58:19 - So don't care.
00:58:21 Like really, really, really don't care.
00:58:22 - Mac, it's not like you've ever--
00:58:23 - Both teams are only one in the last one.
00:58:24 - Brady doesn't even like the Patriots anymore.
00:58:25 - It's not like you've never beaten Tom Brady
00:58:27 in a game.
00:58:28 - He doesn't even like them anymore.
00:58:30 - Also luckily for Mac,
00:58:33 the Eagles have the most week one victories
00:58:35 since 2011 in the league.
00:58:36 They've won 10 of their last 12 week one games.
00:58:39 They're hot.
00:58:40 - Are you nervous, Hank?
00:58:41 - I'm excited.
00:58:42 - I've never, I've been--
00:58:43 - There's more involved here.
00:58:45 The whole week afterwards,
00:58:47 one of you is gonna get to shit talking.
00:58:48 - No, no, this is a win-win for Hank.
00:58:51 - How? - Why?
00:58:52 - I mean, if they lose, he doesn't give a shit.
00:58:54 - I do give a shit.
00:58:55 What do you mean?
00:58:55 - The pats fucking suck.
00:58:56 (laughing)
00:58:59 He did this last year.
00:59:00 When the pats started to suck,
00:59:01 he just didn't care.
00:59:02 He just became a Cowboys fan.
00:59:04 (laughing)
00:59:06 - That was gambling related,
00:59:08 which has gotten twisted in an unbelievable way.
00:59:10 I am more excited for this season
00:59:12 than I have been in a while.
00:59:13 Obviously, there's so many years--
00:59:15 - Yeah, what?
00:59:16 - You had Tom Brady--
00:59:18 - He told me the story on the golf course.
00:59:19 I couldn't believe it.
00:59:20 - What about all the seasons you won Super Bowls?
00:59:21 - The regular season, it was nerve wracking,
00:59:24 and it was literally just basically
00:59:26 the preseason for the playoffs.
00:59:27 It didn't matter what happened in the regular season.
00:59:29 You knew you were going to the playoffs,
00:59:30 and you knew you had to go at least
00:59:31 to the AFC Championship if the season was a disappointment.
00:59:34 Even if they would win games,
00:59:35 if they didn't win in a blowout,
00:59:37 people would still be shit talking.
00:59:38 Then we spent so much time on the show
00:59:39 where the Patriots would squeak out a win.
00:59:41 You guys would be like, "Well, they're not that good.
00:59:42 "They barely won."
00:59:43 This year, no expectations.
00:59:45 Everyone thinks they're gonna suck.
00:59:47 Everyone thinks the fucking Jets and the Dolphins
00:59:49 are two of the greatest NFL franchises of all time,
00:59:52 and the Patriots get to play spoiler all year long.
00:59:54 It's exciting.
00:59:55 - Who is good on the Patriots?
00:59:56 - Spoiler means you're bad.
00:59:58 - We get to play spoiler.
00:59:59 - That means you're bad.
01:00:00 - But they're gonna play spoiler all season.
01:00:01 - Playing spoiler week one is bad.
01:00:03 - You're saying that they're gonna spoil themselves
01:00:06 into the playoffs.
01:00:07 - Exactly.
01:00:08 I think in the national media,
01:00:10 I have high expectations for this team,
01:00:11 but the national media, like jabronies like yourself,
01:00:15 think they have no shot.
01:00:16 - You're on the exact same podcast we're on.
01:00:18 - The Jets and Dolphins.
01:00:19 (laughing)
01:00:20 I said like yourself.
01:00:21 - I think the Patriots aren't gonna be bad.
01:00:22 I just think their division is so fucking stacked
01:00:26 that there's very thin margin for error
01:00:29 for any team in the AFC.
01:00:30 - But the Patriots operate as a team
01:00:32 that's much better with less margin for error.
01:00:35 The Jets and the Dolphins are just notoriously
01:00:37 joke franchises.
01:00:39 People are expecting them to like overcome all this stuff
01:00:42 and ride into the playoffs.
01:00:43 - You really are a Cowboys fan.
01:00:44 (laughing)
01:00:46 - We're America's team.
01:00:47 - This is what a Notre Dame Cowboys fan would say.
01:00:50 - And Duke.
01:00:51 He said we're America's team.
01:00:52 - Our franchise is a real franchise.
01:00:54 The other franchises are jokes.
01:00:55 - Hank is looking at the colors.
01:00:57 You're looking at the colors and saying.
01:00:58 - Could you ever see a franchise
01:01:00 like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers winning a Super Bowl?
01:01:02 No, they're a joke.
01:01:02 - They had Tom Brady.
01:01:04 That's like basically the only reason they won.
01:01:06 Fact or fiction.
01:01:07 - The defense is pretty good.
01:01:09 - The Bucs had to become the Patriots to win.
01:01:12 - Yes.
01:01:13 Tom Brady and Gronk.
01:01:15 - Yeah.
01:01:16 - Yeah, true, true.
01:01:17 - All right, so Hank,
01:01:18 give me your official Patriots record prediction this year.
01:01:20 How many wins are you gonna spoil the show?
01:01:21 - 11.
01:01:22 - 11.
01:01:23 So how many losses?
01:01:24 - Seven.
01:01:25 - Okay, 18 games.
01:01:27 - Good math, Hank. - Six.
01:01:28 - Six.
01:01:29 (laughing)
01:01:30 - I thought they switched to 18.
01:01:31 (laughing)
01:01:32 - 18 weeks. - 18 weeks.
01:01:33 - Yeah.
01:01:34 - One bye.
01:01:35 - Yeah.
01:01:35 - Okay. - Got it.
01:01:36 - All right, we're excited for this game.
01:01:37 We'll be streaming this game.
01:01:38 This will be going on during Bears Packers.
01:01:40 So PFT will be sitting nice one and O at this time.
01:01:44 - Yep.
01:01:44 - I'm jealous of you.
01:01:45 - Number one in the NFC East.
01:01:47 - Yeah.
01:01:47 - I'm wearing a Brady jersey, nuclear missile on the pads.
01:01:50 - Ooh.
01:01:51 - Nuke?
01:01:52 - I'm wearing a new football guy shirt.
01:01:53 - Nice.
01:01:54 - Oh yeah.
01:01:55 - Way to support the team. - Plugged on, yeah.
01:01:56 - Okay, Cowboys-Giants last game, Sunday.
01:01:59 I don't know, I just don't,
01:02:03 I know that everyone's like, the Cowboys are so good.
01:02:04 I just, I know we talked about this with Pete Prisco,
01:02:07 but like, Mike McCarthy's fat.
01:02:09 - Yeah.
01:02:10 - Prescott throws interceptions.
01:02:11 - You clearly didn't read the news this morning, Pigcat.
01:02:13 - Oh no.
01:02:14 - Because the Dallas Cowboys have been training
01:02:16 with Navy SEALs.
01:02:17 - Oh shit. - This off season.
01:02:18 - But not Mike McCarthy.
01:02:19 - Not Mike McCarthy, no.
01:02:20 So the Cowboys were training with SEALs.
01:02:23 They had them lead like an offsite group meeting together.
01:02:25 - This is how Tiger Woods got hurt.
01:02:27 - It's a Tiger Woods example.
01:02:28 - Yeah. - 100%.
01:02:29 So they just wrote down on a big whiteboard,
01:02:31 February 11th, 2024.
01:02:33 - Whoa.
01:02:34 - That's the day of the Super Bowl.
01:02:35 - Oh.
01:02:36 - Yeah, probably couldn't figure that one out.
01:02:37 - Okay.
01:02:38 - But that's what they're thinking soupy.
01:02:39 - Soupy.
01:02:40 I'm excited to see what Dable does in the second year.
01:02:43 Like I--
01:02:44 - Yeah, he was, I think he was the best coach
01:02:46 in the NFL last year.
01:02:47 - The one thing I have to be fair,
01:02:49 if we're going to say that the Vikings
01:02:52 could potentially regress the mean on their one score wins,
01:02:54 the Giants also did have a lot of those wins.
01:02:57 They had a lot of weird wins where things kind of like,
01:02:59 the ball bounced their way in the fourth quarter.
01:03:02 So sustainability, I don't know.
01:03:03 I do think both teams are gonna be very good though.
01:03:05 - I think, I think Giants.
01:03:07 - Giants, yeah.
01:03:08 - I think the wheels are coming off the Cowboys.
01:03:09 - Dak Prescott has dominated the Giants.
01:03:12 He's won 10 in a row.
01:03:13 His last loss against them came in 2016.
01:03:15 To put that in perspective,
01:03:17 Daniel Jones was a freshman at Duke.
01:03:20 - Okay.
01:03:20 - The last time he lost to them.
01:03:21 - Whoa, that's wild.
01:03:23 No, I know the Cowboys killed the Giants.
01:03:25 I think it's like 16 and one or something ridiculous
01:03:27 in the last like 10 years or whatever,
01:03:30 however many years that is.
01:03:32 Okay, we'll do Bill's Jets on Sunday.
01:03:34 We'll preview it when we recap all the games.
01:03:38 Okay, that is the full slate.
01:03:40 Let's do our picks.
01:03:42 How are we starting?
01:03:43 Who starts?
01:03:43 Random, what'd you do last time?
01:03:46 - Random number generator.
01:03:47 - Yeah.
01:03:48 - So who's picking?
01:03:49 Who are we keeping track of right now?
01:03:51 - You, Big Cat, Hank, Jake, Max, Memes.
01:03:56 - It's the six of us.
01:03:57 And reminder, it's two picks a week,
01:04:00 no overlapping picks,
01:04:02 and the loser has to do a one hour live show in Las Vegas
01:04:06 where they can only play one song on the guitar
01:04:09 if they know it.
01:04:09 It has to be like three or four minutes.
01:04:11 Can't do like a--
01:04:12 - Free bird.
01:04:13 - Yeah.
01:04:14 - I get to do free bird.
01:04:15 And they can't do like questions from the crowd.
01:04:19 It has to be your talent on display.
01:04:21 And we will put it on video.
01:04:23 We'll do a pay-per-view.
01:04:25 We'll also, second place is opening act for 15 minutes.
01:04:29 - Yep.
01:04:29 Okay, so let's see.
01:04:31 Who wants to be number one?
01:04:33 - Me.
01:04:33 - Okay, so Hank, you're number one, two, three, four, five.
01:04:37 I'm number six.
01:04:38 I'm doing the random number generator.
01:04:40 - Okay.
01:04:40 - Generate one.
01:04:42 - Let's go.
01:04:43 - God damn it.
01:04:44 - So Hank goes first.
01:04:45 Do we go second PFT or I go second?
01:04:46 - We go clockwise.
01:04:47 - Okay.
01:04:48 - But you get a snake.
01:04:50 So you get two picks in a row.
01:04:51 - Whatever.
01:04:52 - You get two picks in a row.
01:04:53 - Whatever.
01:04:54 - All right, Hank, your best bet.
01:04:55 Oh, is he gonna do it?
01:05:00 Is he gonna do it?
01:05:01 - Do it, bitch.
01:05:02 Do it.
01:05:03 - Do it.
01:05:03 - Do it to my face.
01:05:04 - Do it, bitch.
01:05:05 - I want you to look me in the eye while you do it.
01:05:06 - Do it, you fucking bitch.
01:05:08 - I would, but it's a terrible pick.
01:05:09 So I'm gonna take the Patriots plus four.
01:05:11 - Okay, good pick.
01:05:12 - Okay, Patriots plus four is your pick.
01:05:14 - Against the Eagles.
01:05:15 - Against the Eagles.
01:05:17 Okay, I am going to, I have a problem this week
01:05:21 and my problem is I love every single underdog.
01:05:25 Literally every single underdog.
01:05:26 - Story of my life.
01:05:27 - It is a problem and I know that that's a problem.
01:05:30 I will go though with,
01:05:34 I'll go with the Browns plus two and a half.
01:05:38 - Oh.
01:05:39 - Browns plus two and a half.
01:05:40 That'll be my pick.
01:05:42 Memes.
01:05:43 - They're gonna be so drunk in Cleveland.
01:05:44 It's gonna be awesome.
01:05:45 - Going with the Seahawks minus four and a half.
01:05:47 - Okay.
01:05:48 - Okay.
01:05:49 - I see five and a half.
01:05:50 - I see four and a half.
01:05:52 - I was gonna go, that was gonna be my pick, big cat.
01:05:55 I told memes that ahead of time.
01:05:57 - Browns?
01:05:58 - Yep.
01:05:58 - I stole your pick?
01:05:59 - Yep, that was gonna be my pick.
01:06:00 - Hell yes.
01:06:01 - But now I'm going to be--
01:06:02 - Why'd you tell memes your pick ahead of time?
01:06:04 They tell each other everything.
01:06:06 There are no secrets between these two girls.
01:06:08 - Correct.
01:06:08 I am going to go Steelers plus two.
01:06:13 - Oh, okay, that was my secondary pick, Max.
01:06:15 - I see two and a half for that.
01:06:16 I don't know if these are moving quickly.
01:06:17 - I get two and a half too.
01:06:18 - Great, give me the half.
01:06:20 - Give him the half.
01:06:21 - I'm trying to keep everyone honest.
01:06:22 - Well, you weren't doing a good job
01:06:23 when you said five and a half.
01:06:24 - Yeah, and then I refreshed.
01:06:26 - Yeah.
01:06:27 - Okay, I'm going to go with Sean Payton
01:06:31 calling the game of his life.
01:06:32 Game of a lifetime.
01:06:33 Minus three and a half, Broncos against the Raiders.
01:06:35 - Okay.
01:06:36 - I like that too.
01:06:37 - Okay, PFT, you got two picks.
01:06:38 - All right, I'm taking commies.
01:06:40 Let's go commanders, minus seven.
01:06:42 - If I were to miss a lot of two weeks ago,
01:06:44 I feel more confident today.
01:06:45 - Cardinals.
01:06:46 - They're going to win by 14.
01:06:48 - Okay.
01:06:48 - We're going to win the Super Bowl this year.
01:06:49 It's going to be awesome.
01:06:51 And then I'm going to go with, for my other one.
01:06:54 - Totals.
01:06:55 - Yep.
01:06:56 - Which you can pick in the front,
01:06:57 like we all end up picking spread,
01:06:58 but you can if you like a total the most,
01:07:00 you can pick it first.
01:07:01 - So these are my two favorite picks.
01:07:01 So I'm happy.
01:07:02 I'm happy with where I'm at right now.
01:07:04 Packers, Bears, over 42.
01:07:05 - Ah, like 41 and a half.
01:07:07 - 41 and a half.
01:07:08 Let's go, okay, drop in the last like hour.
01:07:10 I love that.
01:07:11 - Bears, they felt like they were over machines last year.
01:07:13 - Yep.
01:07:14 - And I feel like there'll be over machines again.
01:07:16 - Yep.
01:07:17 - All right, I'm going with a non TV game under,
01:07:20 Panthers Falcons under 39 and a half.
01:07:23 - Oh, that's smart.
01:07:24 Non TV game.
01:07:25 - Let's see.
01:07:26 That's like a movie strategy, right?
01:07:27 - Yeah, max.
01:07:29 - I'm going with what I hate the most.
01:07:32 And that is Commies Cardinals over 38.
01:07:35 I think it is.
01:07:36 - 38 and a half.
01:07:37 - We'll have that by halftime.
01:07:38 - Yep.
01:07:39 - 30 and a half.
01:07:39 - I'm going to put 40 on them by the second quarter.
01:07:42 - Memes.
01:07:42 Memesy.
01:07:45 Memesy boy.
01:07:46 - I'm going to go with the 49ers Steelers over 41 and a half.
01:07:53 - Okay.
01:07:55 I am going to go with a non TV game as well.
01:07:59 Falcons Panthers under 39 and a half.
01:08:02 Feel like both teams are going to run.
01:08:04 Oh, you took that?
01:08:05 - Yeah.
01:08:05 - I think you took the,
01:08:07 I think you took the,
01:08:09 shit.
01:08:10 My bad.
01:08:11 I like that pick a lot.
01:08:13 I think you took the Texas Ravens.
01:08:14 My bad.
01:08:15 - It's okay.
01:08:16 - Okay.
01:08:17 I'm going to go it over.
01:08:17 Fuck that.
01:08:18 I'm going to go Dolphins Chargers.
01:08:20 That's a fun over.
01:08:21 - That's the Fover.
01:08:22 - Yeah.
01:08:23 - 51 and a half.
01:08:24 - Fine.
01:08:25 I bet it 50 and a half, but fine.
01:08:27 Cause we did advisors yesterday, but that's fine.
01:08:29 I'll take that extra one.
01:08:30 Definitely going to land on 51 now.
01:08:32 100%.
01:08:34 - I'm going to go with the shootout game.
01:08:36 A couple of juggernaut QBs over Packers Bears 41 and a half.
01:08:40 - He took that.
01:08:41 - We're bad at listening.
01:08:42 Okay.
01:08:42 I can't accuse you of being bad at listening.
01:08:45 I'm accusing myself.
01:08:46 - I can.
01:08:47 Bad listener, Hank.
01:08:48 - I also, it's the same group.
01:08:49 I'll re-bump it with you guys,
01:08:51 but it's a shareable doc that I'm writing.
01:08:52 - I will never open that.
01:08:53 - I know you won't, but just transparent.
01:08:55 - Over Jags Colts, 46 and a half.
01:09:00 - Oh, Memes took that.
01:09:02 - Bad listener.
01:09:03 Did Memes?
01:09:04 - No, I'm just kidding.
01:09:05 (laughing)
01:09:07 - I wish we had kept on going,
01:09:08 'cause we could have done that with every,
01:09:09 he wasn't in any of the picks.
01:09:10 - Who's in the hungry dog?
01:09:12 - Yeah.
01:09:15 - Patriots.
01:09:15 - Do it.
01:09:16 - Cardinals.
01:09:17 - You piece of shit.
01:09:18 - Browns.
01:09:19 - Okay, well I have a can't lose parlay
01:09:21 that's going to have the commanders and the Ravens,
01:09:23 and I haven't decided who the third team is going to be.
01:09:25 - I love that.
01:09:26 It doesn't matter.
01:09:27 - But it's going to be great.
01:09:28 - I've got a PFTs.
01:09:31 We're teasing.
01:09:31 We're teasing the Vikings down to minus one
01:09:34 against the Bucks, and the Packers bears over 36 and a half.
01:09:38 It's plus 100.
01:09:39 So even money.
01:09:41 - I like that.
01:09:42 Okay, it's time.
01:09:44 Fantasy Fuckboys.
01:09:47 You ready?
01:09:48 Hit the music.
01:09:49 Let's go.
01:09:50 - My stardom, oh, my bad.
01:09:55 - Yeah.
01:09:56 - My name's Mikey Rigatoni.
01:09:58 - Mikey Rigatoni.
01:09:58 - Mikey Riga Riga Riga Tony.
01:10:00 - Riva Riva Riva Riga Tony.
01:10:03 - My stardom is diarrhea.
01:10:05 - Yeah, get the squirts out of here.
01:10:06 - A lot of talk about diarrhea,
01:10:07 but on the front lines there's rumors it was a woman.
01:10:10 After all that, I had diarrhea myself last night.
01:10:13 Got like three hours of sleep
01:10:14 'cause I kept waking up and pooping.
01:10:16 - Yo, that's fucking weird.
01:10:17 I had diarrhea last night too.
01:10:19 - Let's go.
01:10:20 - You guys, your cycle's linked up.
01:10:21 - Yeah, it's like yawning.
01:10:23 You talk about yawning and then you yawn,
01:10:24 and you talk about diarrhea, then you shit in your pants.
01:10:26 - My butthole sounds like this.
01:10:29 Oh, my bad, that's Hank's yawn.
01:10:30 - ABP, always be pooping.
01:10:33 - My sit-em is Timothy Chamolay.
01:10:36 - Chamolay, you fucking weirdo.
01:10:38 - He's dating Kylie Jenner,
01:10:40 and his super fans are angry about it.
01:10:42 - Oh, Chamolay in that pipe.
01:10:44 - And my sleeper is Bill Belichick's hammer.
01:10:49 Think it's gonna be getting a lot of use
01:10:51 these next couple weeks now that he's a single man.
01:10:54 - Yeah, maybe Bobby Craft can take him
01:10:56 down to Jupiter, Florida.
01:10:57 - You know what I'm saying?
01:10:58 - Boys trip.
01:10:58 - Boys trip, let's go.
01:11:00 Hey, what's up, you dickheads?
01:11:02 This is Silvio Berlusconi.
01:11:04 - Oh, RIP.
01:11:05 - RIP, we're talking about Obama being gay.
01:11:07 Everyone's gay, I'm gay, just my gay side is a lesbian.
01:11:11 - Yeah, love it that much.
01:11:13 - I'm starting Nick Bosa, Nicky Bosa, starter.
01:11:16 He's got all the skrull.
01:11:18 He missed work for four weeks, didn't show up at all.
01:11:21 That's how we built the esplanade, you know?
01:11:23 - Stand-up guy.
01:11:24 - That's how we did our business in Newark.
01:11:26 - He's connected, he's connected.
01:11:27 - A no-show job.
01:11:29 - I'm sitting LeBron James.
01:11:32 Sitting LeBron James, took a little business trip
01:11:34 to Saudi Arabia, don't know if you guys saw that.
01:11:37 He met with Abdulaziz Bin Saud Al Saud.
01:11:41 - His friends with Rico, the massive sport.
01:11:43 - He's the interior decorator for Saudi Arabia,
01:11:46 but his place looked like shit, you know?
01:11:48 My sleeper, I'm not sleeping anymore
01:11:50 'cause it's football season.
01:11:51 - Yeah.
01:11:52 - No sleep, no sleep.
01:11:53 - No sleep, no sleep 'til Brooklyn.
01:11:55 All right, what's up, you fuckers?
01:11:57 It's Bernino Tostino.
01:11:59 - What's up, BT?
01:12:00 - Yeah, BT in the house.
01:12:01 My stodom, I actually confused the Bosom brothers,
01:12:04 so I wrote down Joey Bosom,
01:12:05 but he's not the one that got paid.
01:12:07 - Nicky, Joey, Johnny.
01:12:08 - Joey, we went to peak.
01:12:09 Nicky went to peak for Joey.
01:12:11 So I fucked that up, but still preseason for me.
01:12:13 My sit-em, love doesn't always win.
01:12:16 We were talking about Jordan Love, he's not a winner.
01:12:18 And how about Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas?
01:12:21 - How about them?
01:12:22 - I'll never believe in love again.
01:12:24 - I know exactly what happened with that story.
01:12:26 - Little finger.
01:12:27 - I'm gonna add a comment to that
01:12:28 because I know exactly what you're talking about.
01:12:30 - Yeah.
01:12:31 - Chobro.
01:12:32 - Yeah, they broke up.
01:12:32 - Oh, God.
01:12:33 - Ring camera got her.
01:12:35 - She's broke, he's up.
01:12:35 - No ring camera got her.
01:12:37 You always gotta be worried about who's wiretapping who.
01:12:39 - That's unbelievable.
01:12:40 - There's a bug in here.
01:12:41 - His guma came over.
01:12:42 - It's both, no, her guma.
01:12:44 - Her guma.
01:12:45 - His ring, her ring camera.
01:12:46 - Her guma.
01:12:47 - Her ring camera. - In his house.
01:12:48 - Yeah, she was getting wined and dined in '69
01:12:51 while he was taking care of the kids back home.
01:12:53 - Oof, she's broke, he's up.
01:12:55 - Marrone.
01:12:56 - My sleeper is no sleep just like PFT,
01:12:59 but you do it with Stella Blue Coffee.
01:13:01 - Yes.
01:13:02 - New flavors.
01:13:03 - Plug on.
01:13:04 - Pumpkin spice, Apple Crisp.
01:13:06 Apple Crisp got PFT and Leroy on it as well.
01:13:09 Go buy it right now, we got new flavors.
01:13:12 - Two phones.
01:13:13 - Mwah.
01:13:14 - One for the bitches and one for the blow.
01:13:16 - Make a little cappuccino.
01:13:18 Do go buy Stella Blue Coffee,
01:13:20 stellabluecoffee.com, we got two new flavors,
01:13:22 they're delicious.
01:13:23 - The Apple Crisp is awesome, I had it this morning.
01:13:24 - It's a Big Cat special.
01:13:25 - Very good.
01:13:26 - It's a Big Cat special.
01:13:27 Two new flavors.
01:13:27 - Yeah, the Big Cat combo,
01:13:28 it's coffee with a little bit of cream.
01:13:30 - Yeah, baby.
01:13:32 - Oh, I didn't see you there.
01:13:38 Look at me, it's fall, it's football,
01:13:41 it's the best time of year
01:13:44 and we have a huge announcement for stellabluecoffee.com.
01:13:47 Hit me, memes.
01:13:48 That's right, Pumpkin Spice Stella Blue Coffee.
01:13:54 Hit me again with the other one.
01:13:56 In the cups too, Pumpkin Spice.
01:13:58 It is PSL season, everyone loves Pumpkin Spice.
01:14:02 The first flavor we're releasing for stellabluecoffee.com.
01:14:06 Go buy it right now, there's no better time than fall.
01:14:10 You wake up, it's like a nice 50 degrees,
01:14:13 you smell that air, you have the full slate of football
01:14:16 and then you have a PSL in your cup
01:14:18 with Pumpkin Spice Stella Blue.
01:14:21 But wait, there's more.
01:14:23 Oh, hey PFT.
01:14:24 - Oh hey Big Cat, how's it going?
01:14:25 I didn't see you here.
01:14:26 - There is more.
01:14:27 Check this out, brand new from Stellablue Coffee,
01:14:30 Apple Crisp.
01:14:31 This will make your whole house smell fantastic.
01:14:34 The best flavor of coffee, just a hint of apple, apple spice.
01:14:39 Great way to wake up.
01:14:40 Memes, hit me with the K-Cups.
01:14:41 - Hit him again.
01:14:42 - Great toss, memes.
01:14:43 That's right and look, oh, who's that?
01:14:45 It's Leroy on the cover.
01:14:46 - It's Leroy.
01:14:47 - Oh, Leroy, he's a very good boy.
01:14:48 If you don't buy this coffee, you hate dogs.
01:14:50 - Yeah, yeah, that's PFT's dead dog
01:14:53 and we love him very much.
01:14:56 He's on the box.
01:14:57 It is Pumpkin Spice, it is Apple Crisp, Stella Blue Coffee.
01:15:01 We have flavors now.
01:15:02 Also, if you're a Stellablue Coffee Club member,
01:15:04 you knew this was coming
01:15:06 because I told you on the quarterly report,
01:15:08 you had the inside information, no one else does.
01:15:10 So sign up for the coffee club right now.
01:15:12 Pumpkin Spice, Apple Crisp, what's better than this?
01:15:16 - Apple time, apple time.
01:15:18 (gentle music)
01:15:21 (water sloshing)
01:15:24 - All right, let's get to our interview.
01:15:27 We have an awesome, awesome interview with Dan Patrick.
01:15:30 - We didn't do.
01:15:31 - We're gonna do it after.
01:15:32 - Got it.
01:15:33 - We'll do it after.
01:15:34 Awesome, awesome interview with Dan Patrick.
01:15:36 Really, really good time catching up with him
01:15:39 and his new book out, "PFT".
01:15:41 What do we got before we get to Dan Patrick?
01:15:43 - Yeah, listen up, AWL.
01:15:44 His football season is here.
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01:16:58 terms and conditions apply.
01:16:59 And now, here's Dan Patrick.
01:17:01 - Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest.
01:17:06 One of our favorite guests.
01:17:08 It's been a while, but it is Dan Patrick
01:17:11 and he has a new book out now.
01:17:14 You can go buy it right now.
01:17:16 It's called "The Occasionally Accurate Anals of Football."
01:17:21 Now, let's start with that.
01:17:23 Yeah, did you, when you talked to Penguin about this book,
01:17:28 did they say, hey, let's not put the word anals
01:17:30 in the book title 'cause it might not sell as well?
01:17:33 - Well, it could be marketed to a different audience,
01:17:37 but I thought that maybe anals was a little tricky there,
01:17:41 including for myself, but they went with it.
01:17:45 I was overridden on this.
01:17:48 - Yeah, you have to take into account
01:17:49 the kind of idiots that are going to be interviewing you
01:17:51 about this book,
01:17:52 and we might not be the best at pronouncing words.
01:17:54 - Yes, I saw it and I was like, anals, wow, this is crazy.
01:17:58 All right, so we got a digital copy of the book,
01:18:02 so we feel special 'cause we saw it
01:18:04 before everyone else got to read it.
01:18:06 I'm gonna say, right off the bat,
01:18:09 great job writing the book
01:18:11 because there's pictures and there's pages
01:18:14 that have a paragraph,
01:18:16 and I love books that you can just,
01:18:19 you can rip through pages.
01:18:20 You're like, I'm really crushing this book right now.
01:18:23 There's a picture, there's a picture.
01:18:24 So great job with that.
01:18:25 It's basically, it's not a children's book,
01:18:29 but it's for dumb idiots like us
01:18:31 who don't really read that often.
01:18:34 - Well, sometimes we don't get credit for reading books,
01:18:37 and this helps you get credit that you've read a book.
01:18:40 And it doesn't take, yeah, it's not that difficult,
01:18:42 challenging to read this book.
01:18:44 Pictures and sometimes some big words,
01:18:46 some big lettering, too.
01:18:47 - Yeah, so what made you wanna do this book?
01:18:50 'Cause it is football.
01:18:51 It's a love story to football.
01:18:54 I mean, that right there is a seller.
01:18:57 Like, I'm gonna buy the book
01:18:59 even though I have the digital copy
01:19:00 because I love you so much.
01:19:02 But what made you, what were you like,
01:19:04 hey, let's do this book?
01:19:05 - It was during the pandemic,
01:19:07 and I was talking to Joel Cohen,
01:19:09 who writes for The Simpsons,
01:19:11 and he was talking about writing an episode
01:19:13 and including me in The Simpsons.
01:19:15 And then we just started talking when we were done,
01:19:17 and then he started throwing out these topics.
01:19:19 And he goes, "What do you think?
01:19:20 "Does this bother you?"
01:19:22 And then I revisited that with him,
01:19:24 and I said, "What do you think about
01:19:27 "just putting all this stuff down on paper
01:19:29 "and see if there's something there?
01:19:30 "'Cause we have all this free time."
01:19:32 And then he went back, I went back,
01:19:35 and we just threw some things together.
01:19:36 And he said, "You know, I reached out
01:19:37 "to a couple other people that I work with,
01:19:40 "Andy Richter, who worked with Conan."
01:19:42 He just had a bunch of people, and he said,
01:19:44 "You know, how about we just collaborate
01:19:46 "with a bunch of these topics
01:19:47 "and make it seem like this is the true,
01:19:51 "like, you know, who wrote the,
01:19:54 "Bill Simmons wrote the history of the NBA.
01:19:56 "I mean, this is nothing like that,
01:19:58 "but we can present it like we're giving you
01:20:00 "the history of the NFL."
01:20:02 All these topics, and just have wild takes on them,
01:20:06 have fun with them, and hopefully we don't get sued.
01:20:08 I said, "Okay, I'm in."
01:20:10 - Yeah.
01:20:11 - I read the blurbs page on it,
01:20:12 and I'm a little bit offended.
01:20:14 You asked Florio to give you a blurb.
01:20:16 He blurbed the shit out of you, too.
01:20:19 - But it is a half-fiction book, so he's good at that.
01:20:22 - Yeah, he does love that.
01:20:24 Why did we not get the invite to blurb you?
01:20:27 - Well, I was worried about you.
01:20:29 - That's fair.
01:20:30 - Yeah, I mean, I was.
01:20:31 Big Cat, not worried.
01:20:33 - Okay, yeah, I go off the rails.
01:20:35 - And if I'm asking you to,
01:20:37 then I can't edit what you give me,
01:20:39 and then I was worried about your collaboration.
01:20:42 To be honest, that was it.
01:20:43 'Cause we had problems with the whole van show.
01:20:46 - Yeah. - Remember?
01:20:47 - Yeah, when we tried to-- - Yeah, when we tried to--
01:20:48 - Death. - We tried to light you
01:20:49 on fire. - Yeah.
01:20:50 Yes, exactly.
01:20:52 And I thought, "You know what?
01:20:52 "Time has passed, but let's not chance it right now."
01:20:57 - Yeah, that's honestly a fair answer.
01:20:58 I'm-- - Oh, and we write
01:20:59 the occasionally accurate anals of barstool van talk.
01:21:05 We won't ask you to write anything.
01:21:07 So, little tit for tat.
01:21:09 - No, he can if he wants to,
01:21:11 because if you're writing the history of that,
01:21:14 you're gonna need my story,
01:21:15 and you're gonna need my help on that.
01:21:17 - It's a 10-page book.
01:21:18 - It actually will be the anals,
01:21:19 and you're only allowed to talk about people's butts in it.
01:21:22 (laughing)
01:21:23 What was the impression you had
01:21:24 of our bumholes on the van?
01:21:26 I'm looking at the cover of your book right now,
01:21:29 and it's a pigskin, it's a football
01:21:31 that's sliced into different parts,
01:21:32 almost like a pig at a butcher shop.
01:21:35 And the top, the top middle says,
01:21:37 "Tom Brady, worst of all time."
01:21:40 What does that mean?
01:21:41 That sounds spicy.
01:21:42 That's gonna sell some books.
01:21:43 - Well, that's in the book.
01:21:44 I mean, you gotta, you can't just read the blurbs.
01:21:46 You gotta read the book.
01:21:48 - Yeah. - It's a tease.
01:21:50 And you don't go, "Oh, gosh, I watched the trailer
01:21:53 "of the movie, tell me how it ends."
01:21:55 - Okay, so do you think that Tom Brady,
01:21:57 I'll put it to you this way.
01:21:58 Do you think Tom Brady is the best quarterback
01:21:59 to ever play football?
01:22:01 - Oh, good question.
01:22:03 - Who's the most decorated?
01:22:05 - I said best, best.
01:22:07 Who's the best quarterback?
01:22:07 - Well, what is best?
01:22:09 - I think winning Super Bowl rings.
01:22:11 - Good point.
01:22:12 - Well, the best actor doesn't always win
01:22:13 the most Academy Awards.
01:22:16 - But who has the most Academy Awards?
01:22:18 - Look that up.
01:22:21 - I'm gonna look it up right now.
01:22:22 - Look it up. - Yeah, why don't you?
01:22:23 - We've gotten ourselves in a hole here.
01:22:25 - Okay, so if you're saying,
01:22:27 I understand what you're saying.
01:22:28 You're saying that Tom Brady, by his,
01:22:31 if you look at the tangibles, arm strength,
01:22:34 speed, elusiveness, accuracy,
01:22:38 might not be the best quarterback of all time.
01:22:40 In fact, you could probably make the argument
01:22:42 Patrick Mahomes might be the best quarterback of all time.
01:22:45 - If I'm looking at talent,
01:22:46 it feels like Aaron Rodgers is always credited
01:22:49 with being the most talented person to play the position.
01:22:53 Does that make him the best?
01:22:55 Or is it Brady because he won the most Super Bowls?
01:22:58 - I still look at John Elway as that first quarterback
01:23:02 who could beat you with his legs and his arm,
01:23:05 single-handedly dragging that offense to Super Bowls
01:23:08 that they never should have gone to.
01:23:10 And then he got the blame for that.
01:23:11 Then they win two, and then he doesn't get credit for it.
01:23:14 It's Terrell Davis in the offensive line.
01:23:16 But Elway to me, when you combine arm size, athleticism,
01:23:21 he was the first guy that I looked at, modern era.
01:23:25 And I went, that guy changed football.
01:23:29 But I have no problem with people saying
01:23:31 Brady's the greatest quarterback.
01:23:33 I think it gets tricky sometimes with that.
01:23:35 You know, is Montana not?
01:23:37 Or he won four, didn't lose any Super Bowls.
01:23:40 - Well, according to NBC,
01:23:43 during the broadcast that you were on in Notre Dame,
01:23:45 he won five Super Bowls.
01:23:46 So that's pretty impressive.
01:23:48 - Well, he did tell me that he gave his four kids
01:23:53 each one of his Super Bowls.
01:23:55 - Oh. - So he only has four kids.
01:23:58 So that's where I knew that he didn't win five Super Bowls
01:24:01 because he doesn't have five kids.
01:24:02 - Wait, are we passing over Dan Marino?
01:24:04 I mean, Dan Marino. - I'm Marino.
01:24:06 - You can make the cases, like watching old Dan Marino clips
01:24:10 and what he did, his arm talent is just out of this world.
01:24:13 - Marino changed the game.
01:24:16 Like when you say guys change,
01:24:19 Steph Curry changed the NBA.
01:24:21 Dan Marino changed the game.
01:24:23 Because back then, who was doing five wide,
01:24:25 no running backs, and all they're doing is throwing passes,
01:24:29 quick releases, all of those things.
01:24:31 And Marino in today's game,
01:24:34 I get beat, he'd approach 6,000 yards probably.
01:24:38 - Yeah. - He'd throw for 50 touchdowns
01:24:40 because that wasn't the difficulty for him.
01:24:43 He was doing that before.
01:24:44 And he's convincing Don Shula,
01:24:46 a defensive-minded head coach,
01:24:48 "Let me throw the ball as much as I want."
01:24:51 - I like this, this talking ball.
01:24:53 What's the spiciest take?
01:24:54 Can you give us a tease of the spiciest take
01:24:56 or another take that you have in this book
01:24:59 that people can buy it and be like,
01:25:01 "Oh, I'm gonna buy it because I wanna get to this point,"
01:25:03 and be like, "Oh, I heard that on part of my take."
01:25:06 - So we cover the best game ever, worst game ever,
01:25:09 most penalized game, the sneakers game,
01:25:11 fog ball, the catch, the drive, the Wizenator.
01:25:15 - Nice. - There's no topic
01:25:18 that we shy away from, let's put it that way.
01:25:20 We fix penalties.
01:25:22 Let's see, Wayne Gretzky's involved in this.
01:25:27 What you bring to a tailgate,
01:25:28 we revisit the immaculate reception, the butt fumble.
01:25:32 We talk about how bad Pat the Patriot was,
01:25:35 the media's impact.
01:25:37 - It's got everything. - I have people
01:25:39 who assess my talent as a broadcaster, pro and con.
01:25:43 - Okay. - So we pretty much
01:25:45 cover everything there.
01:25:46 - I like it. - I like that.
01:25:47 - And to your point about Dan Marino,
01:25:49 as great of a player as he is, even better interview.
01:25:53 Just a rock solid guy to talk to.
01:25:57 I don't know if you're familiar with this, Dan,
01:25:58 but we had Dan Marino on the show at the Super Bowl
01:26:02 right after you had him on.
01:26:03 I think he left your set, came to the back of our van
01:26:07 where we were doing the interview,
01:26:08 and he looked at us like, "Who are these assholes
01:26:10 "that I'm about to talk to?"
01:26:12 And I blame you for not softening him up enough for us
01:26:15 because he was not happy to be stuck
01:26:17 between me and Big Cat in the back of a van.
01:26:19 - But if you would have said, "Hey, could you ease this,
01:26:24 "Dan, into us, say some nice things about it,"
01:26:27 I would have done that.
01:26:27 - Yeah, but it was like he went to your show
01:26:30 and he had a great New York strip,
01:26:33 and then he came to our show
01:26:34 and we gave him a dollar cheeseburger
01:26:36 and maybe a crack pipe, and he was like,
01:26:38 "How did I end up here?
01:26:40 "What life decision did I make that got me to this point?"
01:26:44 Yeah, it didn't go great, but that's okay.
01:26:46 Interviews, what's your worst interview of all time
01:26:48 besides Qualcomm?
01:26:49 - Oh, yeah, let me see.
01:26:52 - Qualcomm is legendary, yeah.
01:26:55 - Matt Harvey. - Yeah.
01:26:56 - He had no idea how to do an interview.
01:27:00 And he's in New York,
01:27:02 and he's got a product to promote, Qualcomm,
01:27:05 and he comes on and he, I guess, had just had surgery
01:27:08 or needed surgery or something, and I said,
01:27:10 "Hey, can we talk about that?"
01:27:12 And he goes, "No, no, I'm just here to talk about Qualcomm."
01:27:15 (laughing)
01:27:17 And I said, "You gotta be fucking kidding me.
01:27:19 "Don't you understand this is quid pro quo?
01:27:22 "Like, give me something,
01:27:23 "and then I'll let you talk about Qualcomm."
01:27:26 And so that ended quickly.
01:27:28 And then I guess they kind of got together
01:27:31 and said, "You need to go back on there."
01:27:33 So the next day he came on,
01:27:35 and I think he sort of figured out
01:27:37 what he was supposed to do.
01:27:38 Tonya Harding didn't go well.
01:27:40 Whitey Herzog did not go well.
01:27:45 - But sometimes that's good when they don't go well.
01:27:48 - Yes.
01:27:48 - It's still entertaining, which sometimes it hurts,
01:27:52 but you know it's content.
01:27:54 But yeah, Tonya Harding and Whitey Herzog were bad.
01:27:58 - There was a great interview I saw.
01:28:00 It wasn't on your show,
01:28:01 but it was somebody else that was interviewing Aaron Donald,
01:28:03 and all he wanted to talk about was bath salts.
01:28:06 He wanted to talk about Epsom salts the entire time.
01:28:08 And he just kept tying everything back.
01:28:10 He's like, "I'm not here to talk about the NFL or my career.
01:28:13 "I want to talk to you guys about bath salts."
01:28:15 And it got so bad that it actually was a great interview.
01:28:18 If I was sponsoring an athlete,
01:28:20 I would want to sponsor Aaron Donald,
01:28:22 and he would only talk about me.
01:28:24 - But sometimes these guys don't understand.
01:28:26 We'll get to your plug.
01:28:27 - Right.
01:28:28 - But Magic Johnson was with us, I don't know,
01:28:31 six weeks ago, and I was talking about
01:28:35 Steph Curry as a point guard,
01:28:37 and I thought we were chopping it up.
01:28:39 And then he came back around to why he was on there,
01:28:44 and therefore I couldn't get him to just have a conversation,
01:28:47 let you get your plug in,
01:28:48 conversation, let you get your plug in,
01:28:50 say goodbye to Magic Johnson.
01:28:52 And it got tripped up,
01:28:56 and so we could never really land on the same page here.
01:28:59 He wanted to promote, and I wanted to interview.
01:29:01 - So other side of that coin,
01:29:02 who's the best interview that you've ever done?
01:29:04 - Oh, I don't know if I have somebody that would stand out.
01:29:09 There've been a lot of them to choose from,
01:29:12 but I've been doing it a long time.
01:29:13 So I think anybody who's honest,
01:29:15 because your audience wants to know
01:29:17 why are you having this person on?
01:29:19 And when you get that person on and you say,
01:29:21 hey, you're gonna love this guy,
01:29:23 then that's what, that makes it rewarding.
01:29:26 But there are times when you oversell or you undersell,
01:29:29 but anybody who's gonna tell you the truth
01:29:31 or give you some really good stories,
01:29:33 that's really what I'm trying to subscribe to
01:29:36 every time I have somebody on.
01:29:37 - That's a smart answer too,
01:29:38 because we sat down a couple of weeks ago
01:29:41 and we did a Mount Rushmore of our favorite recurring guests
01:29:43 that we've had on our show.
01:29:45 That was a bad idea to name names,
01:29:47 because then you leave out like 200 people
01:29:49 that get pissed off at you
01:29:51 that never wanna come back on your show again.
01:29:52 So you're a pro, you didn't fall for that trap.
01:29:55 - Yeah.
01:29:56 - Smart man.
01:29:57 - You also, we should have said to start,
01:30:00 congratulations on the weirdest contract extension
01:30:04 of all time.
01:30:05 - Yes.
01:30:06 - Yeah, you completely, for people who don't know,
01:30:09 Dan came on the show one day,
01:30:10 was like, "I'm working four more years."
01:30:12 And everyone was like, everyone,
01:30:14 all his guys in the room were like,
01:30:15 "Shit, four more years, all right."
01:30:17 Like he's retiring soon.
01:30:19 And then the next day he's like,
01:30:20 "I forgot to say, I just signed an extension for four years."
01:30:24 So you, I mean, was everyone freaking out?
01:30:27 Like you, you got a whole crew.
01:30:29 - No, they were okay.
01:30:30 It was everybody else's reaction
01:30:32 that I was announcing my retirement.
01:30:35 - Four years.
01:30:35 - But I was announcing that in four years.
01:30:38 And so people are texting or calling my wife saying,
01:30:42 "Is Dan retiring?"
01:30:44 And she said, "No, in four years."
01:30:47 But I screwed up the order instead of saying,
01:30:50 "Hey, signed a contract extension.
01:30:52 And then I'm gonna retire when that contract is over."
01:30:56 But it turned out, I mean, I got four years of a send-off,
01:31:01 so I should get some really, really fucking nice gifts,
01:31:04 I'm guessing.
01:31:05 - Yeah, Coach K's like,
01:31:06 "I didn't know you could do four years, what the fuck?"
01:31:08 - You can't, it's not gonna sneak up on you when I retire.
01:31:12 So you can't say, "Wow, I didn't see that one coming."
01:31:14 - You're on the Olympic cycle, this is crazy.
01:31:17 Wait, so are you actually gonna retire though?
01:31:20 Because I'm very curious about this.
01:31:22 We, you know, we're young-er,
01:31:25 but I do think like,
01:31:27 "Hey, is there a time when you can retire from this
01:31:30 if you're truly addicted to what we do?"
01:31:32 And I am addicted to what we do.
01:31:34 I enjoy it so much.
01:31:36 Do you actually think you'll be able to turn it off?
01:31:39 Like not go to the Super Bowl, not go to the Final Four,
01:31:41 do these big events that you've done for so many years?
01:31:45 I mean, there's gonna be a point where you're like,
01:31:47 "Man, why did I, I still got some gas left in the tank here."
01:31:51 - Well, there'll be other things that I do.
01:31:53 I have a broadcasting school.
01:31:55 Sandler will keep putting me in movies.
01:31:57 - Yeah, true.
01:31:58 - And there'll be other things along the way.
01:32:01 But I mean, it's a grind every day,
01:32:04 three hours a day, it's live.
01:32:07 And there are times, you know, like July,
01:32:10 God, July is tough.
01:32:11 - Yeah.
01:32:12 - Like what are you talking about in July?
01:32:14 There are other, you know, moments, months that you go,
01:32:17 "This is easy," but it's a young man's game.
01:32:20 And I wanna make sure I go out
01:32:23 on what I would consider going out as myself,
01:32:26 going out in style, not like just hanging on,
01:32:28 like, "Oh my God, look at that guy.
01:32:30 Listen to, I mean, I feel bad for him."
01:32:32 - Yeah.
01:32:33 - And so I just, I didn't want that to happen.
01:32:35 - But counterpoint, "Late Francesa" was hilarious.
01:32:40 - No, but I don't want you to laugh at me.
01:32:41 I want you to laugh with me.
01:32:43 - Okay, okay.
01:32:44 - There's a difference.
01:32:45 There's a difference in that.
01:32:47 I just don't wanna be like, "Come here and listen to that.
01:32:50 That is sad right there."
01:32:51 - Yeah, falling asleep.
01:32:52 Yeah.
01:32:53 - Yeah.
01:32:54 - I mean, that would be,
01:32:55 that would be entertaining in a different way.
01:32:57 But yeah, I respect it.
01:32:58 - One of the best all-time clips in sports radio
01:33:00 is Francesa reading Jacob deGrom's run support
01:33:03 that he got for an entire year,
01:33:04 and just saying, "Two, one, two."
01:33:08 - It's like bingo.
01:33:09 - "Three."
01:33:10 And he just goes on for like a minute and a half
01:33:12 saying numbers.
01:33:13 That's great.
01:33:14 I mean, people listen to it.
01:33:15 - Oh, but I, my favorite is still Al Albuquerque.
01:33:19 - Yeah.
01:33:20 - Yes.
01:33:21 - Fake name.
01:33:22 - Yes.
01:33:22 - When somebody called up and then Mike said,
01:33:24 "There's nobody named Al Albuquerque."
01:33:26 And then I think later he goes,
01:33:28 "Oh, you mean Albert Albuquerque."
01:33:29 (laughing)
01:33:32 I don't want that to happen.
01:33:34 - So I'm always interested to know
01:33:35 from guys that do solo radio.
01:33:37 That, I mean, obviously you have the Danettes,
01:33:39 so they provide a lot of content for you as well.
01:33:41 But at the crux of it,
01:33:42 your show is one man talking to a microphone for three hours
01:33:46 and you came from doing SportsCenter,
01:33:49 where things, you know, for the most part, they're scripted.
01:33:51 There was some ad-libbing,
01:33:52 and obviously you like to have a lot of fun with that.
01:33:54 But then you transitioned to just sitting behind a mic
01:33:57 and it's constant Dan Patrick opinions
01:34:00 for three hours nonstop.
01:34:02 Was that, did you sit down the first day
01:34:04 and after, you know, 30 minutes,
01:34:06 you're like, "What the fuck have I gotten myself into?"
01:34:09 - Well, I think people who do radio or want to do radio go,
01:34:12 "Oh, that's not difficult.
01:34:14 "All you do is talk."
01:34:15 And then those people usually get 20 minutes in
01:34:17 and they go, "Now what do I talk about?
01:34:20 "Or what else can we talk about?"
01:34:22 I think you have to be strategic in who you have on,
01:34:25 what are your topics,
01:34:26 and then it gets into a rhythm, gets into a flow.
01:34:29 But when we were on SportsCenter,
01:34:32 probably 11 o'clock SportsCenter,
01:34:35 I'm gonna guess 60% was ad-lib
01:34:38 because you're ad-libbing all the highlights.
01:34:41 You know, stuff that's on camera on prompter,
01:34:44 you know, obviously that's scripted.
01:34:45 But I always loved radio.
01:34:47 I thought that was the purest form
01:34:49 where you can communicate,
01:34:50 you could say something to somebody,
01:34:52 they have to visualize something
01:34:53 when they're listening to your voice.
01:34:54 If I mentioned somebody's name,
01:34:56 then you think of them.
01:34:58 You let me into your car,
01:34:59 like it's personal, it's intimate,
01:35:01 your voice, what it means to people.
01:35:04 And I wasn't big into TV
01:35:06 'cause it was a lot for very little.
01:35:08 You'd spend eight hours writing a show
01:35:10 where you'd go on and you'd be on for an hour.
01:35:13 And you could have a great show
01:35:15 and then somebody say, you know,
01:35:16 "How could you wear that tie?"
01:35:18 Or, "Your hair looked terrible."
01:35:19 You know, like, just stuff where you go,
01:35:22 "Really? That's what it comes down to?"
01:35:24 But radio is different.
01:35:26 It's just your voice and how it resonates with people.
01:35:30 - It's true, it's a good point.
01:35:31 I mean, that's why even the one show we did on ESPN,
01:35:34 I think we both realized quickly,
01:35:36 like, this is different and not as fun as doing a podcast
01:35:40 because a podcast is similar to radio
01:35:42 where we don't have a time limit.
01:35:44 We can just talk for, you know,
01:35:46 if we find something funny
01:35:47 and we just go down a rabbit hole,
01:35:49 those are the best moments.
01:35:50 And being able to have that free form
01:35:52 where you can really, like, you know, dive into something,
01:35:56 I think the audience loves.
01:35:57 - Well, that's what changed when I left ESPN
01:36:00 because I thought it was kind of formulaic
01:36:02 that I was trying to be an ESPN radio host
01:36:06 instead of just being myself.
01:36:08 And when I left and we were doing,
01:36:11 the first three years we did the show in my attic,
01:36:13 and I just said,
01:36:15 "We're gonna talk about whatever we wanna talk about."
01:36:18 And not, "Oh, you gotta check the box.
01:36:20 Check the box, check the box."
01:36:21 And then have this analyst on for the mothership.
01:36:23 It was, "I don't care what it is
01:36:26 because if we're into it, your audience will be into it.
01:36:29 If you have fun with it."
01:36:31 And that's what, like, your audience,
01:36:33 loyal and they listen to you
01:36:35 so they'll invest in what you're talking about
01:36:37 because you're interested.
01:36:38 And I said to the Danettes, I said,
01:36:40 "I just wanna have fun."
01:36:42 You know, "I don't care if it's about movies or music
01:36:45 or something embarrassing,
01:36:47 or you have Joe Montana on.
01:36:50 We're gonna have fun every single day."
01:36:53 And that to me is contagious.
01:36:55 Nobody wants to listen to somebody bummed out in the morning
01:36:57 or yelling and screaming in the morning.
01:36:59 It's like, "Have fun."
01:37:01 You know?
01:37:02 And that's the approach that we've had
01:37:03 for going on now 17 years.
01:37:05 - That's a, it's a very good point.
01:37:06 So you mentioned the Danettes.
01:37:08 Do you miss McLovin or never even think about him?
01:37:11 - I don't think about him unless he's brought up.
01:37:15 (laughing)
01:37:17 - That's gonna kill him.
01:37:18 I mean, we love, I love Pearl.
01:37:20 I've become very good friends with him,
01:37:22 but that's gonna hurt him.
01:37:24 - Well, I would tell him to his face
01:37:28 that I don't miss him,
01:37:30 but I don't wanna miss him
01:37:32 because I had to do a show
01:37:33 and Marvin took over for McLovin
01:37:35 and gave us a whole different kind of feel to the show.
01:37:39 And, but I, McLovin bought in
01:37:43 to being sort of a class clown for us.
01:37:46 And here's a Ivy League educated guy.
01:37:49 And I said, "Look, you gotta laugh at yourself.
01:37:52 You gotta have fun."
01:37:53 And that's hard to do because, you know,
01:37:56 everybody has pride and an ego.
01:37:57 And I'm asking you, if I'm gonna make fun of myself
01:38:00 and look silly or sound silly, you need to.
01:38:03 If I'm gonna make you wear an Alabama game jersey
01:38:07 and nothing on underneath,
01:38:08 walking around the streets of New York,
01:38:10 then you have to be willing to do that.
01:38:12 Or pie to the face or whatever it might, or flinch ball.
01:38:16 Like stupid things, but let's have fun with it.
01:38:18 And he did that for the longest time.
01:38:21 And then I think he wanted to be a radio host,
01:38:24 or, you know, he wanted to be a real journalist again.
01:38:27 And I wasn't gonna allow him to continue to do that.
01:38:30 - He is the best though.
01:38:32 Since we're talking about your career,
01:38:35 what year was your best hair year?
01:38:38 - Hmm.
01:38:42 I'm gonna say early to mid 90s.
01:38:45 I thought I was crushing it.
01:38:46 - Yeah, that was, 'cause you do have phenomenal hair.
01:38:48 And I just always wonder if someone like,
01:38:50 who has such great hair, do they look back
01:38:53 and they're like, "Man, at this point,
01:38:55 I was throwing 99 on the black.
01:38:57 Like that was it. That was my hair."
01:38:59 - It's like Pam Anderson running on the beach in Baywatch.
01:39:02 Like she can look back and go, "Yeah, I had it on.
01:39:05 I had it all."
01:39:06 That's sort of me running on the beach
01:39:08 in Baywatch with my hair.
01:39:10 - Yeah.
01:39:11 Although PFTs made fun of me.
01:39:12 Like, I think you showed me a picture, go,
01:39:14 "Are you proud of that?"
01:39:15 And then my hair looked really bad.
01:39:17 I forget where we were.
01:39:19 You go, "Are you proud of that?"
01:39:20 - Yeah.
01:39:21 - No.
01:39:23 - You've had great hair, but you've also had bad hair days.
01:39:26 And you could tell which one it was.
01:39:27 Like I always had the hypothesis when I was watching,
01:39:30 'cause I used to tune into your show all the time as a kid.
01:39:33 It was like religious for me.
01:39:34 Every morning I would watch SportsCenter,
01:39:36 then I would go to school.
01:39:37 I'd be five minutes late for class
01:39:39 'cause I had to finish watching SportsCenter.
01:39:41 Then leave to go to elementary school.
01:39:42 And I knew if Dan's having a good hair day,
01:39:45 he's gonna be bringing the fire with the voiceovers.
01:39:48 If it's a bad hair day, it's like Free Willy,
01:39:50 or like an orca with the dorsal fin that's drooped over.
01:39:53 He's not gonna have the confidence to say,
01:39:54 it's like, "Look good, feel good, feel good, play good."
01:39:57 - Yeah.
01:39:59 You could be right.
01:40:00 There could be a correlation between that,
01:40:02 look good, feel good, play good.
01:40:04 Sometimes I gave you angry highlights too,
01:40:07 because I knew my hair wasn't great.
01:40:09 And therefore, it made me be a little more critical
01:40:12 of a player or a team.
01:40:14 So it could have consciously or subconsciously
01:40:17 affected my delivery on SportsCenter.
01:40:19 - Would players ever, would they get upset with you
01:40:21 for delivering a bad highlight?
01:40:22 - Yes.
01:40:24 If you said something, if you said something,
01:40:27 and sometimes it was they didn't hear it,
01:40:29 but somebody else did.
01:40:30 And then by the time it got to them,
01:40:32 they're like, Rob Deere, who played for the Detroit Tigers,
01:40:37 all he did was hit home runs and strikeout.
01:40:40 And I remember having a highlight where I said,
01:40:43 here's Rob Deere,
01:40:44 all he does is hit home runs and strikeout.
01:40:47 And that's the whiff.
01:40:50 0 for 3 on the night.
01:40:52 So I'm out at a ballpark, which I always believe,
01:40:55 go out and just in case somebody wants to say something
01:40:58 to you, they can.
01:40:59 And he came up to me, goes,
01:41:00 "Why do you say all I do is strikeout or hit home runs?"
01:41:03 I go, "Rob, that's all you do."
01:41:06 He goes, "That's true, but you don't have to say that."
01:41:08 And I go, "You hit home runs and you strikeout.
01:41:12 You strike out a whole lot more than you hit home runs."
01:41:14 But you have run-ins with people.
01:41:17 The whole Alex Rodriguez criticizing Derek Jeter's contract
01:41:22 when he was on my show.
01:41:24 And then he claimed that we weren't really on the air,
01:41:29 that he thought he was off the air with me,
01:41:32 but he was criticizing Derek Jeter.
01:41:35 Now, I don't even know that he's mad at me.
01:41:38 We do the interview and then this is a couple of years later
01:41:42 and we're in Dallas.
01:41:44 And I said to my guys, I said,
01:41:45 "We should reach out and see if A-Rod wants to join us
01:41:48 on the show."
01:41:49 Call the PR guy, said, "Oh, Alex loves you.
01:41:52 I know that."
01:41:53 "Yeah, sure."
01:41:54 And he calls back and he says,
01:41:56 "Alex has a problem with you."
01:41:58 I go, "Okay, I'll just come over to the locker room."
01:42:03 I get word that he's really got a problem with me
01:42:06 because of this Derek Jeter thing.
01:42:08 I didn't even know it.
01:42:09 I go in the locker room and you got Steroid Row there
01:42:13 with Conseco and some of the other players, Rafael Palmeir.
01:42:17 They're on the back of a couch.
01:42:20 And they're looking, as I walk in,
01:42:23 A-Rod is at his locker with a guy,
01:42:25 I think his name was Mike Lamb.
01:42:27 And he's just talking to him and makes me wait
01:42:29 probably 15 minutes.
01:42:30 I'm just standing there.
01:42:32 And then I thought he was gonna punch me
01:42:34 'cause he started yelling at me.
01:42:36 And I said, "Alex, it was on the record.
01:42:39 You know it was on the record."
01:42:41 And I had Rob Dibble with me at the time.
01:42:44 I said, "Look," I said to Dibs, "If he hits me,
01:42:47 he goes, 'I got your back, I'll take him out.'"
01:42:50 So I got all of the guys from the Rangers
01:42:53 and they're waiting for,
01:42:54 they think something's gonna happen here.
01:42:56 But that got close to go time, I think, for Alex.
01:43:01 - Damn.
01:43:02 Was there any other time that an athlete got mad at you?
01:43:04 'Cause it is true.
01:43:05 It's weird.
01:43:06 We always, we want the guests to be happy
01:43:10 and to feel good about the interview.
01:43:12 But sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.
01:43:14 And it's like, well, you knew what you were getting into
01:43:16 when you came on the show.
01:43:18 - But I don't do gotcha.
01:43:19 - Yeah.
01:43:20 - I try to be as professional.
01:43:23 And if I do a gotcha, it's accidental.
01:43:26 I'm not out there to get Alex Rodriguez.
01:43:28 But as soon as he calls in, I said,
01:43:31 "Hey, we're recording."
01:43:32 And he goes, "Can you believe what they're gonna pay,
01:43:35 you know, Derek?"
01:43:36 And I go, "Why?"
01:43:38 And he goes, "He doesn't do anything better than me."
01:43:40 Like he just started going on and on and on.
01:43:43 And we told him that we were recording.
01:43:46 - Yeah.
01:43:47 - And Lawrence Taylor threatened me one time.
01:43:50 - Oh, that's bad, yeah.
01:43:53 - Yeah, bad.
01:43:54 He had been suspended for cocaine use.
01:43:58 And he read a statement inside the Giants headquarters
01:44:03 there, training camp headquarters.
01:44:05 So all the print guys got, you know, what LT was saying.
01:44:10 And I was outside and I had my cameraman.
01:44:14 So he comes out, he has these dark sunglasses on,
01:44:16 and he walks out and I said, "Lawrence, Dan Patrick
01:44:21 from CNN, can you read that statement on camera for me?"
01:44:26 And he says, "No."
01:44:28 So I keep moving down the road with him,
01:44:33 walking towards his dark blue Porsche.
01:44:35 And then I go, "LT, can you just read that on camera?
01:44:39 I won't ask any questions.
01:44:41 Read the statement on camera.
01:44:42 Why don't you learn the whole story?"
01:44:46 I said, "I know the story.
01:44:48 I called your agent.
01:44:50 I spoke to your agent."
01:44:51 "No, you didn't."
01:44:52 I said, "Yes, I did."
01:44:53 Now I turned to my cameraman.
01:44:55 I still remember his name, Ricky Shine.
01:44:56 I said, "Ricky, if he hits me, keep rolling."
01:44:59 And then he goes a little bit further,
01:45:04 walking to his car.
01:45:05 And I said, "LT," he said, "don't you ask me one more time."
01:45:08 And I could see the whites of his eyes
01:45:12 through these sunglasses that were as dark as PFTs.
01:45:17 I go, "Holy shit, I'm in trouble."
01:45:21 So he turns and then gives me this look, side eye,
01:45:25 and I go, "Oh my God, now I know what it's like
01:45:28 to be Joe Theismann."
01:45:30 And he gets into his Porsche, peels off.
01:45:33 Peter King is working for New York Newsday.
01:45:36 He runs out and he goes, "What happened?
01:45:39 What happened?"
01:45:40 And I told him the story and he goes,
01:45:42 "Okay, that's awesome."
01:45:44 And then I think Peter wrote about it,
01:45:46 didn't get the interview,
01:45:47 but I truly thought LT was gonna,
01:45:50 he was gonna take me out that day.
01:45:51 - Yeah, there was a time we interviewed LT
01:45:53 and Hank had to tell him like,
01:45:54 "Hey, you have to hold the microphone closer
01:45:56 to your mouth when you talk."
01:45:57 And LT gave that same look to Hank,
01:45:59 like, "I will kill you, Hank."
01:46:01 And Hank was like, "Fair enough."
01:46:03 Yeah, I love, yeah, he was the original
01:46:05 shut the fuck up, Hank guy.
01:46:07 I am curious to know though,
01:46:08 when you're doing an interview
01:46:09 and you feel like your guest is getting
01:46:11 into gotcha territory on their own,
01:46:14 not that you're setting them up,
01:46:15 but you can feel they're saying something inflammatory,
01:46:18 something that they'll probably regret saying
01:46:20 after the interview is over,
01:46:22 do you try to rescue them?
01:46:23 Do you try to allow them like follow up
01:46:26 and try to add a little bit of nuance to what they say?
01:46:28 Or as far as you're concerned, it's like,
01:46:30 "You said it, let's just, let's keep this going."
01:46:33 - Well, I still have to do my job.
01:46:36 And it's a fair question to ask,
01:46:39 but my job is still content
01:46:41 and the people are listening or tuning in.
01:46:44 But there are times when you,
01:46:46 we had Tracy Morgan on promoting a new special
01:46:50 when we were in Ireland.
01:46:51 And Will Ferrell was there and their friends
01:46:54 and Tracy was just talking about his house
01:46:58 and his daughter wants to be a marine biologist
01:47:01 and I got a pool and it's got sharks in.
01:47:05 And then he was like,
01:47:06 "Do you wanna know what I feed my sharks?
01:47:10 Do you wanna know what I feed my sharks?
01:47:12 I'm gonna, Puerto Ricans."
01:47:15 And I go, "No, you can't say that."
01:47:18 He goes, "Yeah, they gave me,
01:47:20 yeah, they gave me the joke."
01:47:22 And I'm going.
01:47:23 (laughing)
01:47:24 So he just said it in a way and then I went,
01:47:27 "Oh my God, am I gonna get crushed
01:47:30 for letting him say that?"
01:47:32 But I tried to get him to back it, but he's a comedian.
01:47:35 So it was out there, it was done.
01:47:39 And sometimes there's a point of no return
01:47:41 where you go, "All right, next topic."
01:47:43 - Yeah. - And then move on.
01:47:43 - Comedians do get a different set of rules.
01:47:46 Yeah, we try not to do gotcha as well on this show
01:47:48 just 'cause we want people to have fun.
01:47:50 We also play this fun game called, we read a headline.
01:47:54 If you wanna play that with us.
01:47:55 All right, so I'm just gonna read a headline,
01:47:57 then you comment.
01:47:58 - By the way, I don't know if you saw this.
01:48:00 I don't know if the clip went viral,
01:48:02 as the kids like to say,
01:48:03 but Will Ferrell had his prosthetic testicles
01:48:07 from Step Brothers that he hits on John C. Reilly's drum kit.
01:48:11 - Yeah.
01:48:13 - He brought those to Dublin and had them in a box.
01:48:17 $10,000 it took to make these prosthetic testicles
01:48:22 and lifelike.
01:48:23 So I pull it out of the box and I show it on the air.
01:48:27 And the fact that Will traveled to Dublin
01:48:30 with these in his bag, his bag in his bag.
01:48:34 And I thought that is,
01:48:36 now I didn't know if I could show those on the air,
01:48:39 but I thought, you know,
01:48:41 I'm gonna take a chance just in case.
01:48:43 And I'd rather beg for a forgiveness there
01:48:45 than ask for permission.
01:48:46 But I did not realize,
01:48:48 like those were lifelike testicles that he had,
01:48:53 that he has a box in it
01:48:54 that just says testicles from Step Brothers.
01:48:57 - Wait, did you get yelled at?
01:48:59 - No one said anything yet.
01:49:01 - Okay.
01:49:02 - No one, but I don't know if you,
01:49:05 I don't know what you can show.
01:49:06 I mean, the body is a beautiful thing.
01:49:08 So I just thought-
01:49:08 - Oh, balls, yeah, balls are not beautiful.
01:49:10 - The male body is hideous.
01:49:12 It really is.
01:49:13 Like God bless women.
01:49:14 - Balls are gross when you think about it.
01:49:15 - I can't believe women allow us
01:49:16 to like climb on top of them.
01:49:18 - It is bad.
01:49:20 Like when you think about it.
01:49:22 - Yeah, it's gross.
01:49:23 - But don't women always say,
01:49:25 "Don't send me, you know, a dick pic."
01:49:27 I mean, they don't say it to me,
01:49:28 but I'm just, like they don't wanna see that.
01:49:31 - Yeah, well, there's a great group of guys on the internet
01:49:36 who I'd love to interview
01:49:38 who just send unsolicited dick pics to like porn stars,
01:49:42 being like, "This is gonna work.
01:49:43 She'll see my cock and be like, 'Yeah, it's on.
01:49:46 Let's go, I wanna date you.'"
01:49:47 - I know what to do with that.
01:49:49 I know where that goes.
01:49:50 - But you could get a true assessment though of yourself
01:49:54 if you're gonna ask a porn star.
01:49:56 - Yeah, that's true.
01:49:58 Yeah, I don't wanna get rated there.
01:49:59 That's definitely, just thumbs down it
01:50:03 and just be like, "Next."
01:50:04 All right, so we read a headline and you comment on it.
01:50:09 The headline is, "Dan Patrick unloads on Joe Biden
01:50:12 for not caring about US citizens."
01:50:14 Thoughts? - And what do I do?
01:50:15 - Well, I mean, why'd you say that?
01:50:17 - Oh, is that the Lieutenant Governor in Texas?
01:50:23 - It says, "Dan Patrick unloads on Joe Biden
01:50:26 for not caring about US citizens."
01:50:27 The game is very simple.
01:50:28 We read a headline.
01:50:29 - I know, but I get blamed for a lot of the things
01:50:33 that this guy in Texas says.
01:50:35 Somebody said, "What do you have against the elderly?"
01:50:38 A friend of mine, I went to dinner
01:50:41 and he stopped by and he goes,
01:50:42 "What do you have against the elderly?"
01:50:44 And I go, "What are you talking about?"
01:50:46 He goes, "No, this was during the pandemic
01:50:49 that I think this Dan Patrick in Texas said,
01:50:53 'You know what?
01:50:54 Old people die.
01:50:55 And basically if they die, so what?'"
01:50:58 And then I got blamed for that
01:51:00 for some of the things that he said.
01:51:02 We don't align politically.
01:51:04 And so he said some things to say
01:51:07 that I've had to apologize for.
01:51:10 - You should start just publicly walking back
01:51:12 things that he says, just reverse headlining them.
01:51:15 Just like, "Dan Patrick takes back everything he says."
01:51:18 - I shouldn't have said that.
01:51:19 (laughing)
01:51:20 - Just put them in a box.
01:51:21 I like it.
01:51:22 - Yeah, "What do you have against the elderly?"
01:51:24 Nothing.
01:51:25 You said they die.
01:51:27 I did not.
01:51:28 - That is a factual, that's a fact.
01:51:30 - Dan, do elderly people die?
01:51:32 - They do, but I do care when they die.
01:51:35 That's the difference.
01:51:37 He was basically saying,
01:51:38 "Hey, out with the old, in with the new."
01:51:42 - Yeah.
01:51:42 - Yeah.
01:51:43 It's probably a little bit easier now
01:51:45 that you don't show up
01:51:46 as the first verified check mark on Twitter
01:51:49 when you search for a Dan Patrick on Twitter.
01:51:51 - Good.
01:51:52 - Because of the blue check marks going everywhere now.
01:51:55 But I would imagine that four or five years ago,
01:51:58 every time he would say something,
01:51:59 people would just flock to your page
01:52:00 and be like, "What's going on here?"
01:52:02 - Cat, how's being a father?
01:52:04 - It's the best.
01:52:05 I'm in the shit though.
01:52:07 I got a four-year-old, two-year-old, and three-month-old.
01:52:10 So it's chaos at all times.
01:52:13 Yeah.
01:52:14 - And we had four under seven.
01:52:16 - That's crazy.
01:52:17 That's insane.
01:52:18 I don't-
01:52:19 - And I was working second shift at ESPN at the time.
01:52:22 Four under seven.
01:52:23 - Four is insane.
01:52:24 Four, I mean, three feels insane.
01:52:27 Four, I feel like you become,
01:52:29 you know, like when someone gets like a couple cats
01:52:31 and they're just a cat person?
01:52:32 When you get to four or five kids,
01:52:33 you're just a kid person.
01:52:35 Like, that's all you do.
01:52:36 - Well, how many cats do you become a cat person?
01:52:39 - Three.
01:52:40 - I think it's three.
01:52:41 - It's three.
01:52:41 You can have two cats 'cause you get the first cat,
01:52:43 kind of weird.
01:52:43 Then you get the second cat
01:52:45 'cause your cat needs a friend.
01:52:46 And then you get a third cat and all bets are off.
01:52:49 - There also is an asterisk.
01:52:51 You can be a cat person if you have two cats
01:52:54 and the majority of your furniture
01:52:55 is you bought four of your cats.
01:52:57 You know those people where you walk in
01:52:59 and there's like the pole and everything.
01:53:01 - Like a walkway that goes across the living room.
01:53:03 - Keith Hernandez is a cat person.
01:53:05 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:53:07 - I know somebody in the family tree.
01:53:10 They at last count had 22 cats.
01:53:12 - Oh my God.
01:53:14 - That's disturbing.
01:53:15 - That's crazy.
01:53:15 All right, so wait, you asked me about my kids.
01:53:17 I wanna ask you a real question about balancing,
01:53:21 you know, being a dad and doing your job.
01:53:23 Were there moments that you look back
01:53:24 and you're like, man, maybe I shouldn't have worked so hard
01:53:26 'cause I struggle with that.
01:53:28 - Oh, absolutely.
01:53:30 I was selfish.
01:53:31 Absolutely.
01:53:32 - Yeah.
01:53:33 - I thought I had to be,
01:53:35 'cause ESPN back then was really, really competitive.
01:53:39 You had Berman, Bob Lee, you had Chris Myers,
01:53:42 Chris Fowler, Mike Tirico, Oberman, myself, Craig Kilborn.
01:53:46 You know, we're all in there.
01:53:49 And at the time everybody was doing SportsCenter.
01:53:51 It was really, really competitive.
01:53:53 And I thought, God, I can never turn.
01:53:57 I'd, you know, at some point we were doing
01:53:59 six days a week of SportsCenter.
01:54:02 And you're in there at three in the afternoon
01:54:04 and then you're out at midnight.
01:54:06 So I would, the kids would be up and out of the house.
01:54:09 I'd wake up, I'd go to work, I'd come home,
01:54:12 they'd be in bed.
01:54:13 So for like five days, I didn't see them.
01:54:16 - Right.
01:54:17 - So I didn't raise them, my wife did.
01:54:18 But there were times when you're like, you know,
01:54:23 you're trying to cram everything together in one afternoon.
01:54:26 Where you're like, I'm gonna make up
01:54:27 for being the shittiest dad
01:54:29 and I'm gonna do it in like three hours.
01:54:31 What do you wanna do, kids?
01:54:33 And they're like, nothing.
01:54:34 - Yeah. - You know?
01:54:35 - It's tough. - We don't need to.
01:54:36 - It's tough.
01:54:37 I've found a good balance in that the fact
01:54:40 that like when I'm home, I'm home.
01:54:42 You know what I mean?
01:54:42 Like, and it's like stuff like Sundays we work
01:54:45 from noon till 2 a.m.
01:54:48 But Sunday mornings, like, you know,
01:54:51 until I have to leave for work, it's like, let's do stuff.
01:54:53 Let's be together and do that stuff.
01:54:55 But yeah, it's, I definitely like think about it a lot
01:54:58 being like, man, am I making a mistake?
01:55:00 But who knows? - How many daughters
01:55:01 do you have? - One daughter.
01:55:03 - Okay. - She's my favorite, yes.
01:55:05 - Yes.
01:55:06 There's nothing wrong with having a favorite.
01:55:08 - Yeah, no, I don't buy it when people say
01:55:10 they don't have a favorite.
01:55:11 It's like, that's just not, and now the rankings,
01:55:14 it's like the AP poll.
01:55:15 It goes up and down week to week.
01:55:17 Like, it's, you know, we get the voting going in.
01:55:20 It depends on how everyone's been doing.
01:55:21 So it definitely changes, but yes,
01:55:23 there's always a favorite at a certain point.
01:55:26 - But your daughter, it's, these are,
01:55:30 these are tricky relationships.
01:55:32 Make sure you do things that are just for her sometimes.
01:55:36 You'll do stuff with the boys,
01:55:38 but I found that being a really good listener
01:55:41 opens that pathway.
01:55:44 I have three daughters and, you know,
01:55:46 we're in constant contact, texting, whatever it is.
01:55:49 And then my oldest is a boy, but your daughter is tricky
01:55:53 because I promise you this in 10 years from now,
01:55:57 I'll run into you and you'll go, I'll be damned, man.
01:56:00 My daughter remembers this and this and this,
01:56:03 and not that your boys won't,
01:56:05 but your daughter is going to see you with your wife
01:56:09 and remember how you are with her.
01:56:12 If you're in the kitchen, you're holding her hand,
01:56:14 you're dancing with her, you're laughing with her,
01:56:16 you're whatever it is,
01:56:18 girls, they pick up and they do not forget.
01:56:22 So always remember, they're watching and they're listening.
01:56:27 For good or bad.
01:56:28 - All right, so she's going to be a degenerate horse pedder.
01:56:31 We got that.
01:56:31 (laughing)
01:56:34 That's, check that one off.
01:56:36 No, it's good advice.
01:56:37 It's good advice.
01:56:38 - Yeah.
01:56:39 - It's basically boys are dumb, which they are.
01:56:41 We're boys, we're dumb.
01:56:42 - Have you watched boys on a playground?
01:56:45 - Yeah.
01:56:46 - They just do stupid shit.
01:56:47 They just bang each other and, you know,
01:56:49 run around and being goofy.
01:56:50 Meanwhile, girls are calculated.
01:56:52 - Yeah.
01:56:53 - They're already got clicks and, you know,
01:56:54 they're backstabbing and, you know,
01:56:56 there's stuff going on.
01:56:57 - It is true.
01:56:58 - Guys, it's very simple.
01:56:59 You just play till you get hurt.
01:57:00 - Yeah.
01:57:01 - And then you're like, I can't play anymore.
01:57:02 - Oh, I was at the park the other day
01:57:03 and there was a kid just with a huge wiffle ball bat,
01:57:05 just walking around, just smashing kids
01:57:08 in like the face and the back.
01:57:09 And I was like, who is this kid?
01:57:11 I was like, but guess what?
01:57:12 They're all laughing, who cares?
01:57:14 It's just boys, boys being boys to the utmost.
01:57:17 - Is that, are you done with three?
01:57:19 - Yes, yes, three is it.
01:57:21 Three is it.
01:57:22 Three's too many.
01:57:23 - No, it's not.
01:57:24 - My youngest is gonna hear me say that so many times.
01:57:29 What the hell did you mean when you said three's too many?
01:57:32 Like, fuck.
01:57:33 - Just say, daddy was having fun.
01:57:36 That's called content.
01:57:37 Now shut up.
01:57:37 - It was just a bit.
01:57:38 It was just a bit.
01:57:39 It was all just a bit.
01:57:40 - If you have four, I have to assume that you're just,
01:57:42 you're okay with imperfection at all times.
01:57:45 - Yeah.
01:57:46 - Nothing is gonna be going fully according to plan.
01:57:49 It's just like, as long as the important stuff
01:57:51 gets checked off, then we're good.
01:57:53 - Yes.
01:57:54 Take a head count at the end of the day.
01:57:56 If it comes up four, then you've done your job.
01:57:58 - Yeah, yeah.
01:57:59 - But you know, you can't, you can't.
01:58:01 That's the fascinating part of it though.
01:58:04 Because you do not, like you go into every day unscripted.
01:58:08 - Oh yeah.
01:58:09 - And they write the script.
01:58:10 - Yeah.
01:58:11 - And then it's up to you to, if you change the script,
01:58:13 edit the script or just let it play out.
01:58:16 And sometimes it's fiction, sometimes it's nonfiction,
01:58:18 but it's awesome.
01:58:20 - Yeah.
01:58:20 Every day is definitely an adventure.
01:58:22 So who's your favorite Danette?
01:58:24 - Oh, it's gotta be Pauly.
01:58:26 - I'm gonna say Marvin.
01:58:32 - Oh.
01:58:34 - Yeah.
01:58:34 - Okay.
01:58:35 - Yeah, well he's right here.
01:58:37 He's literally right there.
01:58:39 - Yeah, if he wasn't here, I'd say Seton.
01:58:43 - Oh.
01:58:45 - Yeah.
01:58:46 - Seton's kind of the wild, yeah, he's kind of the wild card,
01:58:48 the guy that, you know, might not give you,
01:58:49 'cause Pauly does, you know, he's like a Labrador.
01:58:51 He doesn't give you the love.
01:58:53 - Yeah.
01:58:54 Seton'll give me shit.
01:58:55 Seton'll keep me honest.
01:58:57 Seton'll keep me company at the bar.
01:58:59 Yeah, I'd probably say him.
01:59:05 - Also, Pauly will just try to get you to go to Vermont
01:59:07 like every weekend.
01:59:08 - Yeah, we're--
01:59:09 - Or Rhode Island.
01:59:10 (laughing)
01:59:11 - We're grilling again this weekend.
01:59:12 - I don't know how many times Paul texts me being like,
01:59:14 "Plot a land in Vermont."
01:59:16 And it's like, "Dude, I'm not moving to Vermont."
01:59:18 - It does look awesome in the summertime.
01:59:20 - Oh, he has the best setup.
01:59:21 He has the best life.
01:59:22 - I will say, Fritzie is one of the most fascinating people
01:59:26 who do this.
01:59:27 There's nobody like Todd Fritz in doing this.
01:59:30 He books our guests, but he's a fascinating person.
01:59:34 It's some good and some bad, but there's nobody like him.
01:59:39 You know, there's a Kramer from Seinfeld feel to him.
01:59:42 He just truly is a unique character.
01:59:45 You can't make it up.
01:59:47 You know, he wants to be a standup comedian,
01:59:50 but he doesn't want you to help him be a standup.
01:59:53 I said, "I'll get Sandler and Spade
01:59:55 "to write some stuff for you."
01:59:58 And he'd rather bomb with his own stuff--
02:00:00 - I respect that.
02:00:01 - Than take from Sandler and Dave Spade and be successful.
02:00:06 - Hopefully he's not too much like Kramer
02:00:07 with his standup material.
02:00:08 - Yeah, that's true.
02:00:09 - That would be a bad look for your show.
02:00:10 - No, not--
02:00:11 (laughing)
02:00:14 Yeah, he doesn't go blue when he's up there.
02:00:16 (laughing)
02:00:18 - I love when you and Fritzy get butt heads.
02:00:20 That's some of my favorite moments from your show.
02:00:22 'Cause it is, he's very defiant,
02:00:25 and it's very fun to watch.
02:00:27 - It can be, my wife says, "You don't hear yourself."
02:00:31 And I said, "Oh, I do, I do."
02:00:33 But I can look back and kind of cringe
02:00:37 because I get angry sometimes with him.
02:00:41 I told him, I said, "Look, I love you,
02:00:42 "but I don't always like you."
02:00:44 - That's a good saying.
02:00:46 - Yeah, and he knows that,
02:00:48 but he is truly a unique, unique character.
02:00:52 Every single day it's something different, fascinating.
02:00:56 - So I wanna plug your book again.
02:00:57 You should check it out.
02:00:59 The Occasionally Accurate Anals of Football.
02:01:02 - Anals, yeah.
02:01:03 - You can find it everywhere, literally everywhere.
02:01:05 This book is gonna be everywhere you look.
02:01:07 You had Adam Sandler write the foreword for it.
02:01:10 - Yeah.
02:01:10 - Did he actually write it?
02:01:11 Did you send him an email?
02:01:13 Did he write back to you?
02:01:14 Or did he have his friend write it for you?
02:01:17 - No, he said, I asked him in person,
02:01:20 and I said, "Will you write the foreword?"
02:01:23 He said, "Well, what do I write?"
02:01:26 I said, "Whatever you feel."
02:01:28 And he said, "You know, I'm a Jets fan."
02:01:30 I said, "Write about the Jets."
02:01:32 And he did.
02:01:33 It's all about the Jets and how he grew up
02:01:34 hating Tom Brady.
02:01:36 And so he just gave you what his thought.
02:01:39 I said, "It doesn't have to be about anything.
02:01:40 "Just write it, I don't care."
02:01:42 And he said, "Okay."
02:01:44 He goes, "I don't know what a foreword is,
02:01:46 "but I'll write it."
02:01:47 And so, I was happy to do it.
02:01:49 - He seems like just a great dude.
02:01:52 I read a story about him.
02:01:53 This was when "Uncut Gems" was coming out.
02:01:55 And they just-- - He hasn't been
02:01:56 on your show? - "Uncut Gems."
02:01:57 Yes, yes. - Yes, yes.
02:01:58 - And he was awesome when he was on the show.
02:01:59 I felt like I was his best friend
02:02:00 after 45 minutes with him.
02:02:02 But when that movie came out,
02:02:05 there was an article somebody wrote about him
02:02:07 that was just interviewing all of his friends,
02:02:09 like everybody that's known the guy.
02:02:10 And they all stand on the table and say,
02:02:12 "He is the best person in the world, maybe."
02:02:14 So, is he a close personal friend of yours?
02:02:18 - Yeah, he's become that way.
02:02:19 But he's put me in 20 movies.
02:02:22 I'm always, so that's 20 years
02:02:26 that you see him doing a movie,
02:02:29 even though I'm on the set for maybe four or five days.
02:02:32 But he invited me to his daughter's bat mitzvah.
02:02:36 And he's been to things,
02:02:40 family functions of mine and dinner.
02:02:42 And once you're in with him, you're in forever.
02:02:46 Once you're in the family,
02:02:49 'cause I remember doing a movie
02:02:50 and then Rob Schneider goes,
02:02:52 "Once you're in, you're in.
02:02:54 "Sandman will use you whenever you want to."
02:02:56 And he has, like I said, 20 movies.
02:02:59 And he writes a cameo for me.
02:03:02 And a lot of times he would write a cameo
02:03:03 just so I would go to the movie set
02:03:05 so we could play basketball.
02:03:07 He wanted somebody to be able to play basketball with.
02:03:10 And I didn't care.
02:03:12 It was like, I don't have to stay there
02:03:15 for a long period of time.
02:03:17 You just have to go there and remember your lines,
02:03:19 have some fun, play some hoops, that's it.
02:03:22 - What was your best acting performance that you've given?
02:03:25 - I think it was the movie "Just Go With It"
02:03:28 with Jennifer Aniston and Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews,
02:03:32 where I play a nightclub owner.
02:03:34 And they do this competitive dance.
02:03:37 And I just get to ad lib and say whatever I,
02:03:41 at one point I called this large woman big country.
02:03:44 And I didn't know if Sandman would let me keep it in,
02:03:48 but he was like, "Danny, just ad lib, just have fun."
02:03:52 And Dave Matthews was in the scene as well.
02:03:56 But Aniston and Kidman, it was funny when they,
02:03:58 when each realized that I had no idea what I was doing.
02:04:02 'Cause Kidman is, she's real.
02:04:04 She's, that's a, she's an actress.
02:04:07 She's all actress.
02:04:09 Aniston, kind of fun and goofy,
02:04:12 but really comedic timing was wonderful.
02:04:16 But there was a time when I, the script says,
02:04:18 yeah, you come on and then you ad lib
02:04:21 and get the contest going.
02:04:22 So I came on and then I introduced people and then I stopped
02:04:26 and Sandler's out in the, with the camera people
02:04:30 and he yells out in front of everybody,
02:04:32 "Danny, gotta fucking ad lib."
02:04:36 And you could see Aniston and Kidman are staring at me
02:04:39 like, holy shit.
02:04:41 So Sandman comes up on stage and he said,
02:04:43 "Look, man, don't let them figure out
02:04:45 that I don't know what I'm doing until later, okay?"
02:04:48 And then he goes, and so to his credit,
02:04:51 he says out loud, "Danny, that's my fault.
02:04:55 That's my fault.
02:04:56 I should have written that down."
02:04:57 And I go, "Yeah, yeah."
02:04:59 And then he went back out and I'm going, "Holy shit."
02:05:02 So Aniston kept saying, "You're the sports guy, right?"
02:05:05 And I go, "Yeah."
02:05:06 And she goes, "So you're not an actor?"
02:05:07 I said, "Well, I'm a performer."
02:05:10 And then Nicole Kidman wanted nothing to do with me.
02:05:14 (laughing)
02:05:16 And not that there was anything to do with me,
02:05:18 but we went to this room where you kind of sit
02:05:21 in between scenes.
02:05:22 And I thought if I ever get stuck with, you know,
02:05:25 Nicole Kidman, I gotta have something to talk to her about.
02:05:28 And my daughter goes, "I'm born on the same day
02:05:32 as her daughter is."
02:05:34 (laughing)
02:05:36 I got it.
02:05:37 I'm in this room with Sandler's Bulldog.
02:05:40 It's just me.
02:05:41 We're watching TV.
02:05:42 Kidman walks in and it's one of those
02:05:45 where you walk in the room
02:05:46 and then you can't turn around right away
02:05:47 'cause then it looks like you didn't want to go in
02:05:50 and talk to this person.
02:05:51 So she, door opens and I look back
02:05:54 and then she looks over and she's like, "Oh."
02:05:56 So she goes and sits on the couch.
02:05:59 Once again, we're in the same scene.
02:06:03 There's no dialogue.
02:06:04 I'm playing with Sandler's Bulldog.
02:06:06 And then all of a sudden I go,
02:06:09 "My daughter's born on the same day as your daughter."
02:06:13 (laughing)
02:06:15 She said, "Oh, great."
02:06:18 (laughing)
02:06:20 She got up and left.
02:06:22 Well, her husband shows up, Keith Urban,
02:06:27 and is talking my ear off.
02:06:29 So she's looking at her,
02:06:32 like Keith was talking about the Titans.
02:06:34 What do I think of the Tennessee Titans?
02:06:36 Couldn't have been more involved in sports,
02:06:38 but she's now looking at,
02:06:40 like, I don't know who you are,
02:06:42 but my husband knows me,
02:06:43 but Nicole and I, it wasn't magic.
02:06:47 Yeah, yeah.
02:06:48 I get uncomfortable when she comes on screen
02:06:50 introducing me to an AMC theater.
02:06:52 She's like the magic of cinema,
02:06:54 where feeling bad can feel so good.
02:06:56 I'm like, "Please don't talk to me.
02:06:57 "I'm intimidated by you."
02:06:59 It bothers me when I see her on screen.
02:07:01 It brings back bad memories,
02:07:02 'cause I'm thinking, "Goddamn, she's serious."
02:07:06 She's a very serious actor,
02:07:08 and those people usually aren't welcomed
02:07:11 on Sandler movie sets.
02:07:12 Yes. People are very serious.
02:07:14 Yes.
02:07:14 But Brooklyn Decker was in that movie as well.
02:07:17 Oh, love her.
02:07:18 Yes, big fan of hers.
02:07:20 Huge fan. A lot of fun.
02:07:21 A lot of fun.
02:07:22 All right, so I have one last question.
02:07:24 This has been great.
02:07:24 Everyone do go by the occasionally accurate annals
02:07:28 of football.
02:07:30 It's a great book, great book title.
02:07:33 My last question is a Robac question,
02:07:35 R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, promo code take.
02:07:38 Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts,
02:07:40 everything at robac.com, promo code take.
02:07:43 20% off when you go to robac.com and use promo code take.
02:07:48 We are on the precipice of the 2023 NFL season.
02:07:53 Give us your-
02:07:55 Be nice to get some gear, though.
02:07:56 Oh, we can get you gear.
02:07:57 No problem.
02:07:58 No problem.
02:07:58 I mean, if you want.
02:08:00 No, we got you, we got you.
02:08:02 Actually, can Marvin write this down real quick
02:08:05 if you want to give him-
02:08:06 Marvin?
02:08:07 All right, so tell Marvin if you go to robac.com
02:08:11 and use promo code take, you can get all the gear you want.
02:08:15 Oh, okay, that's nice.
02:08:16 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:08:17 That's a friends and family discount.
02:08:18 Yeah, exactly, that's just for you.
02:08:19 That's a personal discount.
02:08:21 So 20% off for just me.
02:08:23 Yes.
02:08:24 That is awesome.
02:08:25 We'll delete this part from the show.
02:08:26 We don't want our audience hearing that.
02:08:27 Yes.
02:08:28 Put Robac out of business.
02:08:29 Yeah.
02:08:30 Hey, are we having wings again?
02:08:32 Yes.
02:08:33 Are you still going to Wogees?
02:08:34 Wogees, yeah, I love that place.
02:08:35 We just moved to Chicago, though.
02:08:37 So we're out of-
02:08:38 Oh, you did?
02:08:39 Yeah, we're out of the city.
02:08:40 We got a place here, though, for you.
02:08:40 We also got to take you, maybe we do a trip to Wingnuts.
02:08:42 We found the best wings in the world in Buffalo.
02:08:45 Literally the best wings in the world.
02:08:47 And they're in Buffalo?
02:08:48 Yes.
02:08:49 They are the best.
02:08:50 It's actually worth it to take it.
02:08:51 Like, if you ever have something that like,
02:08:54 oh, maybe I should go to Buffalo for something,
02:08:56 be like, yeah, I'm going to go
02:08:57 because I want to try these wings.
02:08:59 So Wingnuts.
02:09:00 Wingnuts.
02:09:01 They're that good.
02:09:01 Also, you moved out of the city.
02:09:03 Yeah, no longer in New York.
02:09:05 We're in Chicago, though, a different city.
02:09:07 We got a better, we got a great wing place here, too,
02:09:09 when you get here.
02:09:10 And we're going to have a full basketball court
02:09:12 in our new office.
02:09:13 So you're going to have to come hoop with us.
02:09:15 Well, we invited you guys here for an ass-kicking
02:09:18 and nobody showed up.
02:09:19 I don't think, I think you fired McLovin
02:09:22 like right after that.
02:09:23 So I feel like that's what-
02:09:25 I'll bring McLovin back to play hoops.
02:09:27 I played with him.
02:09:28 I used to play with him every Saturday morning.
02:09:30 Oh, I heard.
02:09:31 I know his game.
02:09:32 Marvin can play.
02:09:33 Marvin knows what he's doing.
02:09:35 Okay, McLovin is an all-time, and I do love him,
02:09:40 I say this in an endearing way,
02:09:42 all-time shoots a shot and says off or short
02:09:46 and it's a swish.
02:09:47 It drives you insane.
02:09:49 Where he's like, oh, that's short
02:09:50 and then it's just a perfect swish.
02:09:52 He played a little bit at Dartmouth,
02:09:54 they were on the junior varsity team.
02:09:55 Yeah, ever heard of him?
02:09:56 He's got some game.
02:09:57 All right, so roll back question.
02:09:58 Give me the spiciest, your spiciest NFL take
02:10:01 going into the season.
02:10:02 My spiciest one is, oh, I just did this the other day.
02:10:10 Hold on, hold on.
02:10:11 Hold on.
02:10:13 We're getting a-
02:10:14 Hold on.
02:10:15 This is rehash.
02:10:16 Let's put it in the microwave.
02:10:17 We're going to reheat it.
02:10:18 Leftovers?
02:10:19 Yeah, reheat it's the spiciest take.
02:10:21 Okay.
02:10:23 Mike White will win more games for the Dolphins
02:10:28 than Tua Tonga-Vailoa.
02:10:30 That's me.
02:10:31 That's me.
02:10:32 I hope Tua listens to this.
02:10:33 And I hope that, I hope he calls you out.
02:10:34 You're on a list now.
02:10:36 You and Paul Clark.
02:10:37 I'm a member of Tuanon.
02:10:38 You are now on the list.
02:10:39 Well, I didn't say that he looks thick
02:10:41 or that he looks like a stripper at Onyx.
02:10:43 You're in trouble for this take.
02:10:46 No, I'm rooting for him.
02:10:48 Ah, it doesn't sound like it.
02:10:50 You know what?
02:10:53 I'll take that back.
02:10:55 Okay, there we go.
02:10:56 Tom Brady comes out of-
02:10:58 Okay, I like it.
02:11:00 I like it.
02:11:01 And he comes out of retirement to play for the Jets.
02:11:03 Yeah.
02:11:04 Ooh, okay.
02:11:05 That's a great one.
02:11:07 That's a spicy take.
02:11:07 Give me your hot take here.
02:11:10 Just, you can do it real quick.
02:11:12 Dak Prescott retires from throwing too many interceptions.
02:11:16 That's a good one.
02:11:17 Yeah, this year he throws so many interceptions
02:11:20 in the first month of the season.
02:11:21 He's like, I can't.
02:11:23 I'm so bad at football.
02:11:24 I'm retiring.
02:11:25 You're gonna be on his list
02:11:27 and I'm gonna let him know that you're rooting against him.
02:11:29 I'm already on Dak's list.
02:11:30 Don't worry.
02:11:31 Don't you worry.
02:11:32 Dak's got a long list.
02:11:33 We've been on that list.
02:11:35 I think Phillip Rivers is gonna come back.
02:11:38 He almost came back last year.
02:11:39 Did you hear that with Kyle Shanahan?
02:11:41 Yeah.
02:11:42 Kyle shouldn't have said that because now all I'm thinking-
02:11:44 No, he shouldn't.
02:11:45 Now all I'm thinking about how awesome that would have been
02:11:46 if Phillip Rivers played in the Super Bowl.
02:11:48 That would have been a great story.
02:11:51 I'm surprised.
02:11:52 My arm is stronger than Phillip Rivers.
02:11:55 Yeah.
02:11:56 Yeah, that's true.
02:11:56 It is.
02:11:57 I actually think this is the year for Kirk Cousins.
02:11:59 I think he wins one, maybe two playoff games.
02:12:03 I'm backing on him.
02:12:04 I'm like a pendulum with Kirk,
02:12:06 where now I feel like I've undervalued him
02:12:09 and underappreciated him for so long.
02:12:11 And I saw him on that show quarterback
02:12:13 and he's just the nicest person in the world.
02:12:15 Where now I feel bad rooting against him.
02:12:17 So now I'm back on his side.
02:12:19 Are you okay with the mustache?
02:12:23 That's a preseason thing.
02:12:24 I think it's just a preseason thing.
02:12:25 We think it's like him having fun with the boys
02:12:28 in the locker room.
02:12:28 They're like, "Look what I did to my mustache.
02:12:30 Isn't that crazy?"
02:12:31 And he's going to be clean cut by week one.
02:12:32 Yeah.
02:12:33 It was just a prank.
02:12:35 It does strike me as somebody like,
02:12:36 "Hey, isn't this a wild shirt I have on?"
02:12:39 And it'll be like a plaid shirt that leave it to beaver work.
02:12:42 You're like, "Boy, that is wild, Kirk."
02:12:45 But I do think that show did soften people's,
02:12:49 like, criticism of him.
02:12:51 'Cause they were like, "Man, he's just like us.
02:12:53 He's an everyday normal guy.
02:12:55 But it feels like no matter what he does,
02:12:59 they won 13 games last year."
02:13:00 Yeah.
02:13:01 Yeah.
02:13:02 But we talked about the point difference.
02:13:03 It's never good enough.
02:13:04 Yeah, I know.
02:13:05 Never good enough with Kirk D. Cousins.
02:13:07 Yeah, I developed a kind of a hatred for him
02:13:11 because he was always good enough on the Redskins
02:13:14 at the time to be better than average,
02:13:18 give you hope, and then not good enough
02:13:20 to fulfill that hope that you got.
02:13:22 But then I realized that was more about me,
02:13:24 less about him. Yeah.
02:13:25 And he was also just really good at getting paid.
02:13:28 He's probably, him and Chase Daniel,
02:13:30 the best two quarterbacks at getting paid.
02:13:31 He's timed everything out perfectly
02:13:33 when it comes to the franchise tag.
02:13:36 He got that twice, got guaranteed money,
02:13:38 got more guaranteed money.
02:13:39 Now he's gonna get more guaranteed money after this season.
02:13:43 So, I mean, more power to him.
02:13:44 I can't be mad at him.
02:13:45 If you're mad at Kirk Cousins,
02:13:47 you're really mad at yourself.
02:13:48 You're mad at the system.
02:13:50 Why didn't they go for Trey Lance?
02:13:53 He probably stinks.
02:13:55 Well, because Dak's gonna retire.
02:13:56 Yeah. So they need some help.
02:13:57 That's right. Yeah.
02:13:58 Yeah, but Trey Lance isn't better than Cooper Rush.
02:14:02 Uh, I don't know.
02:14:06 You think?
02:14:06 Well, I guess it's a project.
02:14:08 I guess they're trying to do.
02:14:09 I don't know.
02:14:11 And can you be a bust at 23?
02:14:13 Yes, 100%.
02:14:15 Billy football.
02:14:17 Uh, Jermarcus was a bust at 23, right?
02:14:20 We knew by then.
02:14:21 We might have known sooner than that.
02:14:24 Yeah, man.
02:14:25 Zell kind of was, right?
02:14:26 Like 23 was.
02:14:27 Yeah, you can.
02:14:28 I guess Trey Lance is not the age.
02:14:31 It's can you be a bust without playing because he hasn't played.
02:14:34 So that would be the better question.
02:14:36 I think probably not.
02:14:38 He probably can't.
02:14:39 He gets another shot to be officially a bust.
02:14:41 But if you're 23,
02:14:44 if he was taken third overall,
02:14:46 but you didn't trade all those first round picks for different,
02:14:49 definitely different is he?
02:14:51 Yeah, because some guys like I remember,
02:14:54 Achille Smith played for the Bengals.
02:14:56 He went number two overall.
02:14:57 Nobody ever brings him up as a bus,
02:15:00 but they'll bring up Ryan Leap just because Peyton Manning is
02:15:03 one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time.
02:15:04 Sometimes like Greg Oden and Kevin Durant, Mr.
02:15:07 Risky and Patrick Mahomes.
02:15:08 Like that's where you get who you get drafted around.
02:15:11 Definitely affects how people think of you for better or worse.
02:15:15 Well, thanks for thinking of me.
02:15:18 Segway to let you guys say goodbye.
02:15:20 Yeah.
02:15:21 Oh, no, we're not done.
02:15:22 We're just this intermission is half.
02:15:23 Oh, yeah.
02:15:25 We got another hour.
02:15:25 Well, Dan, are you guys allowed to drink on the air?
02:15:29 Yeah, technically.
02:15:31 But we learned pretty early on that being drunk while podcasting.
02:15:35 Not that funny.
02:15:35 It's one of those things that if you do the drunk thing,
02:15:40 like three or four times a year or sometimes we'll do episodes.
02:15:44 Pardon my bake where we'll get really, really high.
02:15:46 That's funny.
02:15:47 But if you do it all the time, people are like, well,
02:15:50 I don't really want to listen to the drunk guy.
02:15:52 So it's sparingly.
02:15:54 Hey, hungover episodes are sometimes our best episode.
02:15:58 That's true.
02:15:58 But you can't do those every time either, because nobody wants
02:16:01 to listen to a drunk person at 7 a.m.
02:16:04 where they're on a train on their way into work.
02:16:06 Right.
02:16:08 Well, we were thinking about drinking when we were in Ireland,
02:16:10 and it was two in the afternoon till five in the afternoon
02:16:16 was our time slot.
02:16:17 And I thought, I don't know if we're going to be any good.
02:16:21 Right.
02:16:21 It'd be funny with Fritzy doesn't drink and Marvin doesn't drink.
02:16:24 But Seton and I are experienced, and Pauly's kind of sneaky.
02:16:28 But sometimes it makes you wonder how funny you think you are
02:16:32 when you are drunk to then go.
02:16:34 Would I subject my audience to something like that?
02:16:37 Where we're doing shots and having Guinness?
02:16:40 Yeah.
02:16:41 Not as funny as you think, I think, is the answer.
02:16:43 Well, didn't Eckersley stop drinking because he saw a video
02:16:47 of himself when he was drunk, and then that sobered him up.
02:16:52 That he never had a drink after that self awareness.
02:16:56 Yes.
02:16:56 Yeah.
02:16:56 It probably would have been funny to do it one time in Ireland.
02:16:59 You know?
02:16:59 Yeah.
02:17:00 Yeah.
02:17:01 Well, maybe next year when we go back, we'll do that.
02:17:04 Okay.
02:17:05 Well, thank you, Dan.
02:17:06 Always great having you on.
02:17:08 Really love having you be a guest of this show and good luck
02:17:12 with the next four years, four years for everyone to get their
02:17:14 gifts ready.
02:17:15 It is you the most you've sucked your own dick so hard that
02:17:20 you're going to do a four year retirement.
02:17:22 Yeah, something like that.
02:17:26 So it's 20% off.
02:17:29 Yeah.
02:17:30 Rowback.com.
02:17:31 Yeah.
02:17:31 Okay.
02:17:31 Okay.
02:17:32 Just for you.
02:17:32 Make sure I got that special special.
02:17:36 Marvin, you got that?
02:17:36 They're okay.
02:17:37 Marvin's not allowed to use it.
02:17:38 Just you.
02:17:38 Yeah, just you.
02:17:39 No, no, no.
02:17:40 No, don't tie.
02:17:41 Next thing you know, we're going to get a text from row back
02:17:43 and they're going to be like, why are all these people in
02:17:45 Connecticut buying it?
02:17:46 And then we got a problem.
02:17:48 So.
02:17:48 All right.
02:17:48 Well, good luck with my anals and thank you again, guys.
02:17:53 And great to talk to you again.
02:17:54 All right.
02:17:54 All right.
02:17:55 Thanks, Dan.
02:17:55 Dan Patrick was brought to you by Paramount Plus.
02:18:01 That's right.
02:18:02 Paramount Plus again, because they really want to remind you
02:18:04 guys that you need to have Paramount Plus if you want to
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02:19:28 Okay, we're going to before we do Firefest.
02:19:31 We did have an assignment for our darling Jake, and that was
02:19:35 to watch the interview of Larry Sinclair's name.
02:19:41 The man who claims that he had sex with Barack Obama who went
02:19:44 on Tucker Carlson.
02:19:45 This started if you missed the episode.
02:19:47 Jason Whitlock had a Twitter space titled.
02:19:51 Does it matter if Obama is gay?
02:19:52 We made Jake join the Twitter space and send us the notes.
02:19:56 These are the pressing issues.
02:19:57 So this is a follow up.
02:20:00 Jake, you have your PowerPoint ready?
02:20:02 Yes, I do.
02:20:02 Okay, everyone subscribe to YouTube.
02:20:04 Yes, you can follow along.
02:20:05 How close are we to half a milli?
02:20:07 Uh, 50,000.
02:20:10 Okay, let's get some subscriptions going.
02:20:12 Oh, we're closer.
02:20:12 Oh, meves looking mean at Hank right now.
02:20:15 17,000.
02:20:16 17,000.
02:20:17 You were way off, Hank.
02:20:18 Apologize.
02:20:19 Sorry, memes.
02:20:19 Do you accept it?
02:20:21 Memes.
02:20:22 Okay, all right, let's do it.
02:20:24 Let's give it to us.
02:20:26 Yes.
02:20:26 Welcome to sucks.
02:20:28 Oh, drugs.
02:20:30 Obama.
02:20:31 The Larry Sinclair story.
02:20:33 Now, Jake, did you watch the whole video?
02:20:34 Yes.
02:20:35 Okay, how long was it?
02:20:36 It was 41 minutes.
02:20:37 What do you think?
02:20:38 Like it was not the facts, your personal opinion of the broadcast.
02:20:41 It was ridiculous.
02:20:42 I'll say that.
02:20:43 Well, no, you shouldn't be opinionating on this, right?
02:20:46 Well, yes, what I thought.
02:20:47 Okay, all right.
02:20:48 But yeah, test what you're about to see until the last slide is all straight facts.
02:20:53 Okay, well, facts, according to the according to Larry Sinclair.
02:20:56 Okay, all right.
02:20:57 The Tucker's set is awesome.
02:21:00 It looks very like you think it's a green screen or no, I think it's real.
02:21:03 I think it's in Maine.
02:21:04 He looks like Ron Swanson hosting a show.
02:21:07 Yeah, I think he built that table himself.
02:21:09 I was staring at the creek a lot in the back.
02:21:11 Okay, before we get started, set the stage.
02:21:13 What is going on?
02:21:15 Isn't this a sports podcast?
02:21:16 If you're joining us for the first time, it is.
02:21:19 But you guys asked me to do this.
02:21:21 Yes.
02:21:21 Why this feels like you're just no idea.
02:21:25 I was actually very confused on what was going on.
02:21:27 So that's helpful.
02:21:28 This feels like set the stage.
02:21:31 Jake is basically just being like for any future employer.
02:21:34 Look at the first slide.
02:21:35 I was coerced into doing this.
02:21:37 Yeah, okay.
02:21:37 No, because I do what you guys say, unless it's the round.
02:21:40 That would be great if Jake went on Tucker.
02:21:42 It was like the tell all of part of my take.
02:21:44 They made me do dip.
02:21:46 They made me do dip.
02:21:47 They made me eat hot dogs in an hour.
02:21:50 I had to dress up like a woman.
02:21:52 They made me search the depths of hell to see if Obama's gay.
02:21:56 Yeah.
02:21:56 So who's Larry Sinclair?
02:21:57 He encountered Barack Obama.
02:21:59 Oh, wait, wait.
02:22:00 Allegedly.
02:22:01 Allegedly.
02:22:02 Come on.
02:22:02 All these allegedly allegedly.
02:22:04 Allegedly use cocaine with him.
02:22:07 Yeah.
02:22:08 And he currently lives in Mexico.
02:22:09 Huh?
02:22:09 Okay.
02:22:10 Okay.
02:22:11 All right.
02:22:11 We're setting the stage for how they met.
02:22:12 So he was in Chicago.
02:22:14 This is all alleged.
02:22:15 Allegedly, which is Obama's home state of Illinois in 1999 for his godson's graduation.
02:22:21 Larry has already feels bullshit that he was here.
02:22:25 No for a godson's graduation.
02:22:27 Yeah.
02:22:27 Oh, also, he said pretty much my godson during.
02:22:30 Oh, it's falling apart.
02:22:32 It's falling apart.
02:22:34 I don't believe this guy.
02:22:36 That literally should have been the end of the interview.
02:22:37 Like, what do you mean?
02:22:38 Pretty much.
02:22:39 He said pretty much or basically, you know, just say it was God.
02:22:42 I don't know that much about godson's, but I'm sure that there's a hard and fast line
02:22:46 as to whether or not somebody is your actual godson.
02:22:49 Frank to take as a god brother.
02:22:50 Isn't like he does.
02:22:52 He is a god brother.
02:22:53 If you have a godson, that means that if something happens to the parents,
02:22:57 then you have to take over that child.
02:22:59 Correct.
02:22:59 Correct.
02:23:00 So there's no pretty much.
02:23:01 There's no pretty much.
02:23:02 If you were, in fact, their godparent, then the real parents be very upset to hear you say.
02:23:05 This feels already bullshit.
02:23:07 So Larry hired a limo service.
02:23:10 Ask the driver is pretty much godson's graduation just for himself to go out and explore Chicago.
02:23:15 So we got.
02:23:16 Yes.
02:23:16 Do you eyes multiple?
02:23:19 I mean, why else would you hire a limo?
02:23:21 So why would you get the cab?
02:23:23 Yeah.
02:23:23 So you hire a limo service.
02:23:25 The driver pulled up at a bar and then got out of the limo.
02:23:29 There was this guy introduced to him by the limo driver as Barack Obama.
02:23:32 So that's that's interesting because Obama at the time was a state senator,
02:23:37 which, by the way, he only got that position because they could decided not to run against
02:23:40 him, which they could regret to this day.
02:23:42 So he's like Mark.
02:23:45 So this guy, this guy in the limo was like, oh, you want to see you want to meet people in
02:23:48 Chicago, let me take you to a bar and introduce you to a state senator.
02:23:52 Yeah.
02:23:53 All right.
02:23:53 OK, so that this is their first interaction.
02:23:55 Got it.
02:23:56 There was a whole.
02:23:58 Wow.
02:23:58 Jake, did you make this slide?
02:24:00 Yeah.
02:24:00 Look up.
02:24:01 I cocaine use.
02:24:02 Yeah.
02:24:02 I think that's actually Jake in the thumbnail doing cocaine.
02:24:05 So they were having the bar and Sinclair mentioned it.
02:24:08 Ask if cocaine makes you pee a lot.
02:24:10 I didn't, but I didn't know.
02:24:13 Yeah, you did.
02:24:13 Oh, you did ask that.
02:24:15 Yeah, I did.
02:24:16 You did ask.
02:24:16 Yeah.
02:24:16 I'm going with bits now.
02:24:18 What turned the corner?
02:24:19 You asked that question.
02:24:20 I did.
02:24:22 When we went to the bathroom in.
02:24:24 Oh, yes.
02:24:25 Yes, I actually did.
02:24:26 Detroit.
02:24:26 Yeah.
02:24:27 I might have said, wow, this bathroom like looks like a perfect place to go.
02:24:32 Yes.
02:24:32 And then Jake said, what is cocaine?
02:24:34 Make you do a lot.
02:24:35 I was like, oh, God.
02:24:37 Yeah.
02:24:37 So Larry Obama allegedly he could use something to wake up and Obama immediately know what
02:24:45 to do.
02:24:46 They left the bar.
02:24:48 This is the biggest lie story of all time.
02:24:50 They left the bar to get cocaine.
02:24:54 Obama secured it.
02:24:54 Sinclair put a line on a CD, tried to snort in the limo and Obama pulled out a pipe to
02:25:00 smoke out of.
02:25:01 Larry said some people smoke, some people snort.
02:25:03 Yeah.
02:25:04 So Obama then started to crack in front of him.
02:25:06 And this is all right.
02:25:07 Again, this is a state senator and he meets a random stranger who says, man, I'm tired.
02:25:12 And then he's just like, I got you.
02:25:13 I got you.
02:25:13 Yeah.
02:25:14 Let's be fair.
02:25:15 Sinclair pulled up in a limousine.
02:25:16 OK, so it's not like this was some nobody that was flying in.
02:25:19 Obama was probably like, oh, this guy's legit.
02:25:21 Yeah.
02:25:22 So they secured the drugs.
02:25:25 Now we move on to the sex part.
02:25:27 Oh, step two.
02:25:28 Will sex happen?
02:25:29 Yeah.
02:25:30 Sinclair started rubbing his hand on Obama's thigh to see where it was going, and it went
02:25:35 the direction that Larry intended to go.
02:25:37 Sinclair says he performed oral sex on Obama in the limbo, and he said it definitely wasn't
02:25:42 Barack's first time that much.
02:25:43 I'm not.
02:25:43 How would you know?
02:25:45 He just felt he was really good at getting head.
02:25:47 Yeah, very comfortable with it.
02:25:48 So it will embrace debate.
02:25:50 It is.
02:25:51 Would you say that Obama's gay if he just got a blowjob?
02:25:54 Well, yeah, if you just state it like that, if you close your eyes, maybe the 60 year
02:26:02 old guy is actually a hot chick.
02:26:03 Yeah.
02:26:04 OK.
02:26:04 All right.
02:26:05 So this is what happened on their first night.
02:26:06 The next day.
02:26:08 Wait, that looks photoshopped.
02:26:09 It is.
02:26:10 OK, I just Googled Sinclair Obama.
02:26:13 It's so blatantly photoshopped.
02:26:16 Yes.
02:26:17 Oh, my God.
02:26:17 Apparently, Obama showed up at Sinclair's hotel room the next day with no warning because
02:26:22 he wanted to run it back.
02:26:23 He wanted to get more head.
02:26:24 So back to back.
02:26:26 What a quote.
02:26:28 You're not going to believe this.
02:26:29 I blew this guy twice.
02:26:30 Yeah.
02:26:30 Sinclair said that to his friends when he saw Obama in 2004 when he's watching the
02:26:35 Democratic Convention.
02:26:36 When we're watching football, we're like, hey, blah, blah, blah.
02:26:40 PFT, you're not going to believe this.
02:26:41 Yes, I would ask for some application.
02:26:45 Yeah, I don't know.
02:26:46 Good point.
02:26:48 Yeah.
02:26:48 So that's what happened the next day.
02:26:50 Tucker Carlson, you can be critical if you want, but he actually was a very good journalist
02:26:54 here.
02:26:55 He asked, what was Obama like on crack?
02:26:57 OK, and Sinclair said, calm, almost euphoric, pretty controlled and talkative, but not really
02:27:04 saying anything.
02:27:04 I mean, that's just contradicts each other.
02:27:06 No description of Obama in general.
02:27:08 Yeah, but that doesn't.
02:27:09 They then said Tucker was like kind of like his presidency.
02:27:11 Oh, yeah, that kind of.
02:27:14 OK, all right.
02:27:15 Yeah.
02:27:15 And then that's not what a person on crack looks like.
02:27:17 But yeah, OK.
02:27:18 Yeah, it's like Larry Sinclair's like, yeah, the boobs.
02:27:22 So like Sinclair apparently put this whole what he said on Tucker was apparently on YouTube
02:27:27 in 2008.
02:27:28 YouTube took it down and he claims that YouTube gave away his account and his Microsoft email
02:27:35 to where he said Microsoft gave away access to his email and vacation replies were busy
02:27:39 telling people that he was, quote, busy giving blowjobs and I'll get back to you when he's
02:27:43 done.
02:27:43 That was the auto reply.
02:27:44 So it's kind of like a PS five message.
02:27:46 OK, Microsoft gave access to his email and vacation replies are busy saying I'm busy
02:27:51 giving blowjobs.
02:27:52 And that definitely sounds like something Microsoft would do.
02:27:55 Yeah, just a random guy.
02:27:58 So let's take his email and joke on Jake.
02:28:00 I did do some research into this on my own when I found out that this guy was going to
02:28:05 be on Tucker.
02:28:06 He said this actually for the first time in 2004, 2004 is when he said he gave like a
02:28:11 big speech at the Washington.
02:28:13 He failed the polygraph.
02:28:14 He failed the polygraph.
02:28:15 Also, he's been convicted a couple of times.
02:28:17 We'll get to that.
02:28:18 OK, all right.
02:28:19 But but he did make these statements like in 2004.
02:28:22 OK, well, he claims that Microsoft gave away his account and people were.
02:28:27 I think it'd be funny if there was a guy that looked exactly like Obama, who is gay and
02:28:32 probably had sex with, I don't know, like 500 guys coast to coast.
02:28:36 So there's a bunch of guys across America that think that they had sex with Obama.
02:28:40 Yeah, that would be a great wrinkle to the story.
02:28:42 All right.
02:28:42 Now the drum roll.
02:28:43 The verdict is your verdict.
02:28:45 I don't believe him.
02:28:46 OK, all right.
02:28:47 Why?
02:28:48 Well, as he mentioned, he's been in prison in three different states.
02:28:51 He has a specialty in crimes involving deceit.
02:28:56 He's OK.
02:28:57 He also serial liar.
02:28:59 The record also indicates one of his prison sentences, jail sentences were 16 years.
02:29:04 And there's many more details.
02:29:05 His criminal background, but I'm not going to waste your time.
02:29:08 OK, 16 years for forgery seems like you were forging something pretty important.
02:29:12 Yeah, I can't.
02:29:13 And then our boss, Dave Portnoy, also chimes in on this topic earlier today on Twitter.
02:29:17 And he's on my side.
02:29:19 Yeah, he doesn't agree with anything he's saying.
02:29:20 Yeah, he said, I met Larry Sinclair when I was doing my Tucker thing a couple of weeks ago.
02:29:24 I would trust in Adelvie before I trusted anything.
02:29:26 Larry Sinclair said top to bottom, maybe the least trustworthy human I've ever laid eyes on.
02:29:30 I'd say his story has 0.0 percent chance of being true.
02:29:34 And I'm looking at the font there.
02:29:36 He definitely used the letter O and then the number zero, which is insane.
02:29:41 Maybe that's a good way of like if Larry Sinclair ever tries to sue Dave, he's like,
02:29:46 well, that wasn't well, that was that was an actual percent.
02:29:49 Yeah.
02:29:50 Invalid number.
02:29:50 That's smart.
02:29:51 Yeah, this is I'm going to say I don't believe him.
02:29:54 Thank you, Jake.
02:29:55 I do.
02:29:55 You know, I do.
02:29:56 I do believe the guy.
02:29:57 All right.
02:29:58 And the end.
02:30:00 Well, until I'm never doing this again, unless Big Cat or PFT asked.
02:30:04 Yeah, no, I was going to say this is this story is not over.
02:30:06 I'm sure Jason Whitlock might have even a Twitter space tonight.
02:30:09 If anybody out there has had sex with Barack Obama, please email PMT.
02:30:13 In turn, PMT, intern at Barstool Sports dot com.
02:30:17 Jake will investigate your claims thoroughly.
02:30:18 Yes.
02:30:19 So there you have it.
02:30:20 Actually, Jake, if somebody actually claims that they had sex with Obama, you have to interview
02:30:23 them.
02:30:24 Yeah, yeah.
02:30:25 We should you should do a special report with Larry Sinclair.
02:30:29 OK, OK.
02:30:30 Yeah.
02:30:30 So there you have it.
02:30:31 That's I hope that helps.
02:30:33 Yeah.
02:30:33 No, not really.
02:30:34 All right.
02:30:35 Well, no, no, not your fault.
02:30:37 Yeah, it's just a liar went on TV and said a story.
02:30:40 I spent some time putting it all together.
02:30:43 It helped in the fact that it confirmed that I did.
02:30:45 Well, I guess actually it did help because I don't have to watch the video now.
02:30:48 Yeah, I watched it on to XB to just serving.
02:30:50 Oh, so you might have something you got to disclose before
02:30:54 the report.
02:30:55 Well, I'm saying it now.
02:30:56 Little late, little late.
02:30:59 All right.
02:30:59 But I'm on your side.
02:31:00 I think it happened.
02:31:01 I think Obama was hanging out of the bar.
02:31:04 Leno pulled up and he was like, well, let's be clear.
02:31:06 I want you to give me some head.
02:31:08 Oh, I need something to wake up.
02:31:12 That's it.
02:31:12 Yeah.
02:31:13 And he took him right out of the bar.
02:31:15 Damn.
02:31:16 What if he was like, I need some to wake up and Obama just pulled his cock out?
02:31:19 Here you go.
02:31:20 Here you go.
02:31:21 All right.
02:31:22 Let's finish up the show.
02:31:24 So we got football this weekend.
02:31:28 Fire Fest the week.
02:31:29 Hank.
02:31:29 Yeah, I talked about the bachelor party last week in Nashville.
02:31:33 Took a lot out of me.
02:31:35 I was fighting, fighting through this week.
02:31:37 Very busy week.
02:31:38 A couple long days.
02:31:39 Yesterday was in the office late going through advisors finished and want on.
02:31:45 Don was streaming trying to get to 500K subscribers on YouTube.
02:31:49 I hopped on.
02:31:49 We were just shooting the shit.
02:31:51 One of those situations I kind of forgot we were on a live stream, but just wasn't.
02:31:56 My brain certainly wasn't on.
02:31:58 I was wiped.
02:31:58 I was about to go home, but I hopped in for a minute.
02:32:01 We started talking, and he told me that cows and bulls are actually the same species.
02:32:08 And that blew my mind.
02:32:09 And then everyone was roasting me on the Internet for being really stupid.
02:32:12 Shit.
02:32:13 Yeah, it's like the bull is the male version of the cow.
02:32:16 Yeah, I didn't know that.
02:32:17 Damn.
02:32:18 I didn't know that either.
02:32:19 All right.
02:32:19 Thank you.
02:32:20 Thank you.
02:32:21 Thank you.
02:32:21 Idiots.
02:32:22 How many times have you seen bulls and cows hanging out a lot?
02:32:26 Where I lived in Texas for like 10 years.
02:32:28 All right.
02:32:29 I guess again, it was dumb.
02:32:32 It was a mistake.
02:32:33 Not a mistake.
02:32:34 I'm just dumb, but it was live.
02:32:37 And that was the mistake.
02:32:38 And I set myself up again.
02:32:40 And I'll save diarrhea.
02:32:42 Wait till Hank finds out about roosters and chickens.
02:32:44 Yeah, well, that was the example used that one.
02:32:46 I knew.
02:32:46 Oh, okay.
02:32:47 Him.
02:32:47 You know that.
02:32:48 So I need to my name.
02:32:49 Yeah.
02:32:50 Yeah.
02:32:50 Yeah.
02:32:51 And he's okay.
02:32:53 You're not a world educated smart person.
02:32:55 No world renowned world renowned smart person.
02:32:58 So that's fine.
02:32:58 You learn something new every day.
02:33:00 I'm sure there's people listening that are like, wait,
02:33:02 bulls are the males and cows are the females.
02:33:06 I'm like 14 year old.
02:33:07 I don't think so.
02:33:08 I thought there was male and female cows.
02:33:12 That's on me.
02:33:13 Max, you knew that?
02:33:14 No, I did not know that.
02:33:15 I think this is a group thing that it's easy to talk shit after the fact.
02:33:20 But I think that's a fun fact that I did not know that.
02:33:25 Okay.
02:33:25 Bulls are like aggressive.
02:33:27 Cows are.
02:33:27 Yeah, because they didn't know either.
02:33:28 Then they're guys.
02:33:30 I didn't know either.
02:33:30 All right.
02:33:31 Yeah.
02:33:31 No.
02:33:31 What?
02:33:32 See?
02:33:32 Yes.
02:33:33 All right.
02:33:33 Thank you.
02:33:34 You didn't either?
02:33:34 Non fire.
02:33:35 Some people need to stand up.
02:33:37 I take it back.
02:33:37 Okay.
02:33:38 Not a fire fest at all.
02:33:39 Okay.
02:33:42 Take it stricken from the record.
02:33:44 What's your fire fest?
02:33:45 All right.
02:33:49 My fire fest is I also had a good time last weekend.
02:33:51 I hopped out to Lake Tahoe for a weekend.
02:33:54 It was beautiful out there.
02:33:55 Awesome place.
02:33:56 Want to go back next year, maybe for the golf tournament.
02:33:58 But on my way out there, I was on vacation.
02:34:01 It was Friday afternoon.
02:34:02 So it was the weekend.
02:34:04 And I started having a couple of cocktails and one cocktail turned into two,
02:34:08 turned to three, turned four, turned five on the plane.
02:34:11 And how long is the flight?
02:34:14 It wasn't that long.
02:34:14 It's maybe like three and a half hours, something like that.
02:34:17 But I was mowing through them.
02:34:18 I can drink on a plane.
02:34:19 That's where I'm in my God moment on a plane.
02:34:22 I could just suck them down.
02:34:23 I'm like Larry Sinclair.
02:34:24 And so I had a bunch of cocktails, and then I proceeded to brag on Twitter.
02:34:30 I was like, not to brag, but I think I just set the world record for the amount of cocktails drank on a plane.
02:34:35 And then I get off the plane, get onto my connecting flight to go out to Tahoe.
02:34:40 And I realized that I left my wallet on the plane as I'm in the air on my way to Lake Tahoe.
02:34:48 So I had to go to a place with casinos with no ID in my pocket.
02:34:52 Still don't have my wallet with me.
02:34:54 Don't have my debit card.
02:34:56 Don't have any of my IDs.
02:34:57 Don't have anything like that.
02:34:58 I'm waiting to get it shipped back from the airline.
02:35:01 Still hasn't arrived.
02:35:02 And then I'm getting on another plane tomorrow to fly.
02:35:05 And so I've just been sans wallet for the last week.
02:35:08 You have a passport, though.
02:35:10 I do have a passport.
02:35:11 So I'll be able to.
02:35:12 Thank you for reminding me.
02:35:13 I need to pack that tonight.
02:35:14 Yes.
02:35:15 Because I don't think that they'll let me fly to South Carolina for the Pup Punk concert at USC.
02:35:19 Plug God.
02:35:20 Plug God.
02:35:20 But, yeah, I've just been without a wallet all week.
02:35:23 We've made it a bad thing for us to plug shit.
02:35:26 God forbid I promote the company.
02:35:29 No.
02:35:30 We've just bullied ourselves into being like, let's never promote anything we're doing.
02:35:34 Yeah.
02:35:34 But I am going to be at Bojangles playing with Pup Punk on Friday night at 9 p.m.
02:35:40 There's a boss.
02:35:41 There's a shuttle that's taking people out there.
02:35:42 Come see us.
02:35:43 I won't have my wallet, though.
02:35:44 So they'd be serving food during the set.
02:35:46 You know, that's a good question.
02:35:47 I would imagine that they're going to have food.
02:35:49 It's Bojangles after all.
02:35:50 And just like, well, there'll be people like walking in, like, just going to get like a number three.
02:35:54 I don't know.
02:35:55 I hope it's like that viral video of the punk band playing in Denny's.
02:36:00 What did you say?
02:36:00 That's what it rocks.
02:36:01 Let's fucking go.
02:36:02 Denny's.
02:36:03 Yeah, that's what we're going to be doing.
02:36:04 And just for anyone who's going out there, have a great time.
02:36:07 If you're feeling tired at all, PFT will let you suck his dick.
02:36:10 I will.
02:36:11 Yeah, that's a fact.
02:36:12 That's a fact.
02:36:13 You guys in the Yak have the kiss coin.
02:36:15 I've got the suck dollar.
02:36:17 So if you just give me what I'm going to do is yawn.
02:36:19 If you give me my suck dollar, then it's all.
02:36:21 You're allowed to.
02:36:22 Well, you have to show up in a limo.
02:36:23 Yeah.
02:36:24 If you show up in a limo.
02:36:25 And you have to have a pretty much God son.
02:36:27 Yep.
02:36:27 Yeah.
02:36:27 All right.
02:36:28 My fire is a pre fire fest.
02:36:30 I footballs all the way back, and I am just realizing, like, how much my mood and happiness
02:36:39 goes along with my teams, because I do think the Badgers might be in trouble going to Washington
02:36:44 State on Saturday night.
02:36:45 And then the Bears Packers already talked about how significant this feels.
02:36:48 And I was both.
02:36:49 I've had that thought in my head, like, oh, yeah, you're a loser.
02:36:53 You like you have a great life.
02:36:55 You have great family, all these things.
02:36:57 But yet you still let the outcome of a football game affect how you are going to feel for an
02:37:02 entire week.
02:37:03 And I had that epiphany this morning, and there's nothing I can do about it.
02:37:06 Never give it up, though.
02:37:08 Yeah.
02:37:08 If I go on to it's going to be sad boy season.
02:37:11 Never give it up.
02:37:11 Coming Sunday and Monday.
02:37:13 So, yeah, it's a pre fire fest.
02:37:15 Just more of like maybe I should try to figure out a way to emotionally be able to handle
02:37:21 things better.
02:37:22 But I don't think that imagine how bad the show would be if we emotionally handled things.
02:37:25 Well, no, it would be awful.
02:37:27 Yeah.
02:37:27 Can you imagine Hank just being able to be like, well, Patriots aren't very good this
02:37:31 season, whatever.
02:37:32 I'll just bet on the Cowboys.
02:37:33 It would make the show awful if he did that.
02:37:35 Hypothetically, it'd be like when the heat and the Panthers lost in the finals for Jake.
02:37:39 Yeah.
02:37:39 And he was like, oh, good run.
02:37:41 It was a good run.
02:37:42 Yeah.
02:37:42 See, we don't want that.
02:37:44 We don't want to be emotionally.
02:37:45 If the Bears lose the Packers, I'm like, well, I like a lot of things that we saw.
02:37:49 Yeah.
02:37:50 Well, here's the thing.
02:37:50 Like, I know I'm a loser for not being a diehard fan, but I can walk in on Sunday with you guys
02:37:54 know no matter what, it's going to be a great day.
02:37:56 Oh, see, I truly feel that way.
02:37:59 No, but you know what?
02:38:00 Like Max losing the Super Bowl.
02:38:01 He comes on the show and he's got the thousand yard stare.
02:38:05 It looks like he got a ladder.
02:38:06 A lobotomy.
02:38:07 Yeah.
02:38:07 It just takes our.
02:38:08 How do we get here?
02:38:09 It was great.
02:38:10 We're using you as a great example.
02:38:13 Max, you're the perfect example for sad sports fandom.
02:38:16 Okay, Jake finishes off.
02:38:18 Yeah.
02:38:18 The other day I was on my way to the office.
02:38:21 I was taking the bus here.
02:38:22 The CTA.
02:38:23 I was running to catch the bus and I strained my quad.
02:38:26 Oh, no.
02:38:27 And then I played.
02:38:28 Wait.
02:38:29 And it hurt.
02:38:29 And you don't.
02:38:30 Can you get the ADA apartment back?
02:38:32 Honestly, I mean, you might need it.
02:38:36 I'm fine walking.
02:38:36 It's just running.
02:38:37 Sometimes it hurts.
02:38:38 What noise did you make running?
02:38:39 Sometimes how often are you running to catch the bus and playing tennis and pickleball?
02:38:44 Okay, so then stop playing tennis and pickleball.
02:38:46 Well, we'll see.
02:38:47 Also, if I get an injury that's like I can't run.
02:38:51 Oh, no.
02:38:52 Yeah, nothing in my life will change.
02:38:54 Unfortunately, I can't run the five K, but I'm still going to show up and support the cause.
02:38:58 How do you know you might be?
02:38:59 You might be feeling good by Saturday.
02:39:00 Yeah, it might be.
02:39:01 By the way, that's going to be a great PM TV.
02:39:03 So Max is going to run the five K on Saturday.
02:39:06 Maybe I could still run it under 33 minutes and he gets five grand for me and five grand over
02:39:11 for PFT donated to pause.
02:39:13 Are you running it?
02:39:15 I got to help film.
02:39:17 Yeah, I got to help film.
02:39:18 I got to go to Tuscaloosa.
02:39:19 You definitely didn't spray in your leg.
02:39:21 You just don't want to run the five.
02:39:22 Yeah, no.
02:39:23 Why don't you get it out?
02:39:26 I'll help with whatever.
02:39:27 No, we don't.
02:39:28 You just said running.
02:39:29 I actually do.
02:39:30 I actually think you can beat Max.
02:39:32 Every person who runs.
02:39:34 I know.
02:39:34 Dog's life.
02:39:35 I'm running.
02:39:36 Oh, there we go.
02:39:37 I'm going.
02:39:37 Just be going to hurt.
02:39:40 Just be his pacer.
02:39:41 Okay, I'll run with Matt.
02:39:42 Yeah, run with Max.
02:39:43 Just go like just do the pacing.
02:39:45 That would actually be very funny for the video.
02:39:47 If you have the pace and you keep them, you're like, all right, Max, got to be a type guy.
02:39:51 Yeah, dude, 33 minutes.
02:39:53 Like you can walk some of that.
02:39:55 I'm going to walk a lot of it.
02:39:56 All right, you can't walk a lot of it.
02:39:58 I'm positive vibes only.
02:40:00 You can walk probably three minutes.
02:40:02 Yeah, if you do it, if you walk fast, you could do this.
02:40:07 A light jog should be able to do it.
02:40:09 I can't jog that long.
02:40:12 Okay, have you trained?
02:40:14 Not I also have.
02:40:16 I think I might have strep throat.
02:40:18 What?
02:40:18 Dude, Max, you can't get a stick at the start of football.
02:40:21 Everyone subscribe to the part of my YouTube.
02:40:23 We won't release the Max running video until we get to 500,000.
02:40:26 And also the golf.
02:40:28 That's actually true.
02:40:30 What are they coming out, Max?
02:40:31 Not. Yeah, golf is next.
02:40:33 Okay, so yeah, we won't release the we won't release the five K run.
02:40:36 What about the Ryder Cup?
02:40:37 When's that coming out, Max?
02:40:38 The week after until 500,000.
02:40:41 Let's get half a million.
02:40:43 Everyone subscribe.
02:40:44 Subscribe.
02:40:45 Everyone subscribe.
02:40:46 What subscribe?
02:40:47 So many people listen.
02:40:48 Subscribe.
02:40:48 Yeah, I know.
02:40:49 There's someone listening right now.
02:40:51 You know what?
02:40:52 Watches it in days and subscribe.
02:40:54 Yeah, that's great.
02:40:54 You know what?
02:40:55 Lead from the front.
02:40:55 You're not subscribe.
02:40:57 No, I'm going to do it right now.
02:40:59 Lead from the front.
02:41:00 Insane.
02:41:01 Lead from the front.
02:41:01 Here's what we're going to do.
02:41:02 Definitely subscribe.
02:41:04 I don't subscribe.
02:41:04 No, I'm definitely.
02:41:05 I've been subscribed.
02:41:06 I just I let the algorithm tell me what.
02:41:08 No, I'm okay.
02:41:09 Let's see.
02:41:09 Pardon my take.
02:41:10 Subscribed.
02:41:11 Yeah, let's go, people.
02:41:13 Part of my take.
02:41:14 Subscribed.
02:41:16 We're 20 K away.
02:41:18 We have four subscribed.
02:41:21 All right, let's go.
02:41:22 Also, I lost my blue check mark temporarily.
02:41:25 Oh, what'd you do?
02:41:26 I gave my profile makeover and they put you through like a review period.
02:41:30 That was a low point for me reading that makeover.
02:41:32 A makeover?
02:41:33 Why?
02:41:33 What'd you put?
02:41:34 It was just like new Twitter bio, like new profile.
02:41:40 Yeah, I'm going to look at it.
02:41:41 All right.
02:41:41 Yeah, initial reaction.
02:41:43 But you like it.
02:41:43 But you went from a picture in a suit to a picture in a suit.
02:41:47 It's more updated.
02:41:48 You're the dude.
02:41:49 You're the teacher coming in every day with the same outfit.
02:41:53 It's a year later.
02:41:54 It's a bar.
02:41:54 Still a picture.
02:41:56 Jake Marsh.
02:41:56 Part of my take podcast.
02:41:58 Play by play.
02:41:58 Broadcaster.
02:41:59 Cues alum.
02:42:00 Golf.
02:42:01 Pickleball.
02:42:02 Tennis.
02:42:03 No football.
02:42:04 Can we get Mr. Positions in there?
02:42:07 No.
02:42:07 Why?
02:42:08 You are Mr. Positions.
02:42:09 Someone recommended plug God.
02:42:11 Oh, Mr. Positions is better, though.
02:42:13 No one will know what that means.
02:42:14 It's true.
02:42:15 Yeah, it could mean anything.
02:42:18 Okay, great show, boys.
02:42:20 Can't wait for football.
02:42:22 Football's back.
02:42:23 Everyone tune in stream.
02:42:24 Sunday we'll be streaming for the entirety of the firstly in second slate, and then we'll
02:42:31 be doing boomers on Monday.
02:42:32 Next time you hear us.
02:42:33 Oh, numbers, numbers, numbers.
02:42:40 Three.
02:42:40 You're gotten this means 30.
02:42:42 No, you have never gotten this.
02:42:45 20 means as one.
02:42:48 Although 69 97.
02:42:51 Love you guys.
02:42:56 Bye.
02:42:56 Bye.
02:42:57 Bye.
02:42:57 Bye.
02:42:58 Bye.
02:42:58 Bye.
02:42:59 Bye.
02:42:59 Bye.
02:43:00 Bye.
02:43:00 Bye.
02:43:02 Bye.
02:43:02 Bye.
02:43:03 Bye.
02:43:03 Bye.
02:43:04 Bye.
02:43:04 Bye.
02:43:05 Bye.
02:43:05 Bye.
02:43:06 Bye.
02:43:06 Bye.
02:43:07 Bye.
02:43:07 Bye.
02:43:08 Bye.
02:43:08 Bye.
02:43:09 Bye.
02:43:09 [BLANK_AUDIO]