Taskmaster NZ S04E10 || Taskmaster NZ Season4 Episode10
Category
📺
TVTranscription
00:00 (crissement de pneus)
00:02 (cri de joie)
00:04 (musique de "Wild West")
00:06 (musique de "Wild West")
00:08 (musique de "Wild West")
00:10 (musique de "Wild West")
00:12 (musique de "Wild West")
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00:20 (musique de "Wild West")
00:22 (musique de "Wild West")
00:24 (musique de "Wild West")
00:26 (musique de "Wild West")
00:28 (applaudissements)
00:30 (musique de "Wild West")
00:32 (applaudissements)
00:34 (crissement de pneus)
00:36 (applaudissements)
00:38 (crissement de pneus)
00:40 (applaudissements)
00:42 (crissement de pneus)
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03:42 (crissement de pneus)
03:44 (rires)
03:46 (rires)
03:48 (rires)
03:50 - M. F. one sort of had a bit more of a...
03:52 - Ray, what did you bring in?
03:55 - I brought in an hourglass.
03:58 - OK. What's sexy about an hourglass?
04:02 - I don't know why but society for some reason uses hourglasses to measure two things.
04:06 Time and human bodies.
04:09 And also I think one of the most attractive qualities in a person is their ability to measure an hour.
04:14 - Karen, what did you bring in?
04:17 - Well, look, as someone who identifies as female, uses the she/her pronouns,
04:21 there's nothing sexier to me than housework.
04:24 And so, you know, I've tried chucks, I've tried handi towels, whatever,
04:31 but when I stumbled across this I was like, "My life is about to change."
04:35 And I found this.
04:36 - Oh, yeah!
04:39 - Yeah, everyone loves a scrub daddy!
04:41 But even if you look at the back of it, the innuendo that exists,
04:44 forget about it being a cleaning thing.
04:46 Look at the bottom one, deep cleaning.
04:47 My eyes provide an ergonomic grip with just two fingers.
04:51 I mean, if you forget that you're cleaning, that's a good time.
04:54 And then, versatile smol, my smol cleans both sides of your utensils.
04:59 That sponge is giving that spoon a f***, but I think it's having a great time.
05:03 - Baba.
05:05 - So I couldn't afford a life-size wax figure of Savage.
05:09 Instead, I brought in this.
05:15 - What?
05:16 - So, this here is a heater, because I'm the type of person,
05:21 if you get into my car, the heater's always up.
05:24 I've also got these photos which have the sexiest love story,
05:28 and they're on the heater.
05:29 So they're boy and girl meet, and then they have a moment.
05:34 - Oh, God.
05:36 - And then the sexy part happens.
05:39 - Oh, God.
05:44 - I think I need a scrub daddy.
05:46 Wait, that's me in the background.
05:50 - Oh, my gosh, hello!
05:52 - I don't remember that.
05:54 - Yeah, you asked to watch.
05:55 - Mel, what did you bring in?
05:58 - I brought in this,
06:00 because I think there's nothing sexier than someone who listens.
06:04 But also, it is an orifice, so you could have sex with it, if you wanted to.
06:11 But I just thought it's a representation of a healthy relationship.
06:15 - So if you met someone who was hearing impaired,
06:18 you would find them...
06:20 - This is a good point.
06:22 - This is being repulsive.
06:23 - Yeah, that's right.
06:24 - It's a metaphor, it's a metaphor!
06:26 - I've got to say, there's not a lot that's sexy up there,
06:29 in terms of judgement.
06:31 I think one point for the scrub daddy.
06:33 - Oh, what?
06:34 This is a travesty!
06:37 - You think that's the sexiest object?
06:40 - Yeah!
06:41 - Two points for Mel's ear.
06:44 - Oh, what?
06:45 - Okay, it's fine, but I'm shocked that I picked the scrub daddy.
06:47 - Three points for Ray's hourglass.
06:49 You see where we're getting here, okay?
06:50 These things are getting sexier.
06:52 Four points for Di's mannequin.
06:55 And I've got to say, that heater with the porno on it was quite hot.
06:58 Okay, Paul, let's dive into a proper task
07:06 and see if they can keep up that amazing streak, eh?
07:08 We've all heard of a bull in a china shop.
07:11 Well, here's a task that involves a pull and a china shot.
07:14 - It was Paul.
07:25 - What was that?
07:31 - What the f***?
07:33 - I didn't hit you, did I?
07:35 - No, you're terrible shot.
07:37 - Trust me, if I wanted to, I could have hit you.
07:39 - Okay, do it again then.
07:40 - Let's just move on.
07:44 Fire ammunition from the slingshot
07:48 and knock the fine china off the towers.
07:51 - Each piece of ammunition must be different.
07:54 - And start with the same letter of the alphabet.
07:57 - You may only shoot each item once.
08:00 - You have five minutes to retrieve your ammunition.
08:03 - Your time starts now.
08:06 - Where's the... what's the slingshot?
08:08 - I have to make it.
08:09 - That's amazing, you did not see that giant slingshot.
08:20 - I don't know, bro, I need to get my eyes checked.
08:22 Oh my gosh.
08:23 - Lovely, simple task.
08:25 Hit the thing with the other thing.
08:27 Let's see how this goes.
08:28 - First up, it's bullseye bubba.
08:30 - You've got two minutes and twenty seconds.
08:33 - I know, I know, shut up, I'm thinking.
08:36 And it can't be the same thing?
08:38 - Correct.
08:39 Eight seconds.
08:40 Stop gathering.
08:41 - What's your letter?
08:45 - P.
08:46 - What is that?
08:47 - This is bolo in Samoan, starts with a P.
08:50 - I'll accept it.
08:51 What are the other items?
08:52 - A pretend police gun.
08:54 - Okay, that's debatable.
08:55 - Pinky to the fender.
08:57 And a prop.
08:58 - Okay, and the skateboard?
09:00 - A... play as you're told.
09:03 - Ah!
09:04 That was really close.
09:06 Okay, wait, maybe my items are too small.
09:11 Ah!
09:15 Ah!
09:19 Does that count?
09:22 - Yeah.
09:23 - Yes!
09:24 And you, and you.
09:25 - Okay.
09:26 - Really let it take you.
09:32 (rires)
09:33 - You stopped yourself!
09:35 - I'm quite heavy for that slingshot.
09:37 (applause)
09:38 - So you went into the shed,
09:42 and you seemed like you were being incredibly selective.
09:45 And then you came out with just a random collection of crap.
09:48 (laughter)
09:49 - Well, 'cause I forgot about the P thing,
09:51 but I reckon I did pretty good naming that stuff.
09:54 (laughter)
09:55 - Yeah, we knew that.
09:56 - No, you did.
09:57 (applause)
09:58 - When I was a kid, I loved playing
10:00 Tony Hawk's Pro Player Utensil 2.
10:03 (laughter)
10:04 - All right, fire some more slingshot action my way,
10:08 will you, Paul?
10:09 - Up next, it's Di and Ray.
10:11 - Um... um...
10:14 - Stick, spaghetti, salt, stone, silverware.
10:18 Sunflower could be useful, eh?
10:22 - Eight seconds.
10:24 Um...
10:25 - Who would have thought I'd find a sipping vessel in there?
10:28 - My letter is S.
10:29 - So what's that?
10:30 - Um... steam device.
10:32 - I've got a feeling these are all the same item.
10:35 - Steaks.
10:36 - Yes, steaks.
10:37 So what, I'll probably fire these as one.
10:39 - What's that?
10:40 - Uh, scholastics.
10:41 - Scholastic.
10:42 - Yeah, scholarly pursuits.
10:44 I'll try hit the thing at the very far end with the spices.
10:48 Oh... ah!
10:50 Oh, no.
10:52 - Come on, sipping vessel.
10:53 That went better than expected.
10:56 So what is this object?
10:57 - This is a statue's arm.
10:58 - OK.
10:59 OK, we're going to taper the binoculars.
11:15 - The seeing device.
11:16 - Seeing device, sorry.
11:18 - How about that?
11:25 - Ah!
11:28 - That really hurt, and it didn't go very far.
11:31 - So are all those stones different objects?
11:34 - Some are skipping stones, stones for rolling,
11:37 some are stones for driveway.
11:39 So I can use them all.
11:41 Oh, that was excellent.
11:46 Was that two in a row?
11:48 I've named this stone Simon.
11:55 - Most people call that Simon?
11:56 - Yeah, absolutely.
11:57 Come on, Simon.
11:59 Oh, holy moly, look at that, it's three down.
12:03 - This is my last item.
12:05 Better than I thought.
12:08 If we get into, like, if someone attacks us,
12:11 pegs and stones.
12:13 - Are they called pegs?
12:14 - No, what would you call them, pegs?
12:16 They're stakes, man.
12:17 - Great work, Ray.
12:19 - Yeah.
12:20 - A few more dubious names going on there.
12:24 Scholarly Pursuits, Stones for Driveway.
12:27 - Yeah, I remember that I called one Sylvestus to Stone.
12:30 - And what happened with Di and the pegs?
12:33 What was he, you thought they were stakes,
12:35 but then you ended up calling them pegs.
12:37 - Oh yeah, that was a rookie mistake.
12:39 I don't use a lot of them,
12:40 but I should have actually taken Ray's advice
12:42 and had them as different type of stakes,
12:45 like a silver stake, a stake-stake.
12:48 - Right, if you at home are looking for some target practice,
12:53 maybe go and grab your slingshots
12:55 and see if you can hit these ads,
12:57 'cause we'll be back very, very soon.
12:59 Welcome back to Taskmaster.
13:14 What's been happening, Paul?
13:15 - Our five contestants are attempting to hit targets
13:17 with a giant slingshot and whatever ammunition they can find.
13:21 They only have five minutes to find their ammunition
13:23 and the ammunition must start with the same letter.
13:26 - Who have we got left on this one?
13:28 - Our final two sharpshooters, it's Karen and Mal.
13:32 - My letter is B.
13:34 So I've got a beacon, a blower, a bat, a ball, some beads,
13:38 banana, bucket, bottle, ball, basketball,
13:42 different kind of ball.
13:43 Right, I'm just gonna start now with the obvious one.
13:49 Oh, that was close.
13:51 Can I move the slingshot?
13:52 - It's quite big.
13:53 - I'm just gonna move it a little bit closer,
13:55 just to make it a little bit easier.
13:57 That was close.
14:06 Oh! No!
14:10 Can't miss here.
14:11 I don't like this one.
14:16 Thank you!
14:19 Fire ammunition from the slingshot
14:21 and knock the fine china off the towers.
14:23 They don't have to be together.
14:25 I feel like Mahi Drysdale.
14:27 - You're gonna fling your bib?
14:38 - I've got a bib.
14:39 Why did that go better than I thought?
14:43 (chants en anglais)
14:45 And for my final act, I will be firing a bracewell.
14:55 (screams)
14:59 I did a four!
15:03 - How many did you get?
15:04 - Five.
15:05 - Probably four and a half.
15:07 - So what did you fire in that last shot?
15:09 - I fired a bracewell.
15:10 - Is that what you're called?
15:12 - I am a bracewell, yes.
15:14 - Ah yes.
15:17 Very clever.
15:19 I feel like we have a couple of loop-holers here.
15:22 You guys are idiots, clearly.
15:24 That must have been frustrating to watch.
15:28 - It certainly was.
15:30 - So what are the scores there, Paul?
15:32 - So Bubba hit one, Ray and Dai both hit three,
15:36 and then if you're accepting it,
15:37 Karen and Mel both hit five.
15:39 - Yeah, I am accepting it.
15:40 - Also I felt like our objects, their crucial name,
15:45 we stuck to it.
15:46 - Yeah, we chose things that actually started
15:47 with that letter.
15:48 - Okay, you've won.
15:49 You don't need to...
15:50 - Sorry, I was just too excited.
15:53 - So that means that it's going to be one point for Bubba,
15:57 three points for Ray and Dai,
15:59 and Mel and Karen get five points.
16:01 And it's about this point in the episode
16:06 that I start wondering about what our scores are.
16:08 What are our scores looking like, Paul?
16:10 - Currently in first equal, both on seven,
16:13 it's Dai and Mel.
16:14 - All right, let's plow on through to our next one,
16:21 shall we, Paul?
16:22 - It's time for a musical task.
16:31 (musical chime)
16:32 (music)
16:45 - Hello.
16:46 - Hello, Bubba.
16:47 - Hello.
16:48 - Hello, Paul.
16:49 - Great to see you.
16:51 - Likewise.
16:52 - Which one shall I open, do you think?
16:53 - Fully up to you.
16:54 This one's got more words.
16:59 (laughter)
17:00 - Write and perform a duet with yourself.
17:03 - Most romantic duet wins.
17:06 - You have one hour.
17:08 Wow, I did a whole album in an hour.
17:11 - What's this one say?
17:13 It says the same thing.
17:14 - Mm-hmm.
17:15 - Your time starts...
17:17 now.
17:19 - Have you ever written a song before?
17:21 - No.
17:22 - I don't have a musical bone in my body.
17:24 (musical chime)
17:26 - That was "Celebrate Good Times", come on.
17:35 - You have to pretend like some of it's me
17:37 and some of it's someone else,
17:39 but you should be able to tell who the someone else is.
17:41 - This green wig is DJ Gush Steady.
17:44 (imitates DJ Gush Steady)
17:46 Gush Steady in the house, bombo play.
17:52 - What a beautiful cast for episode nine.
17:54 Just lovely.
17:55 Let's hear some comedians serenading themselves,
17:58 shall we, Paul?
17:59 - Up first, a DJ set from DJ Gush Steady himself.
18:03 It's Dai Henwood.
18:05 - Welcome to the massive.
18:07 Welcome to everyone who's carrying with them
18:11 both privilege and underprivilege.
18:14 We've all got gumboots,
18:16 but what do you fill yours with?
18:18 (musique rythmée)
18:22 (musique rythmée)
18:50 (musique rythmée)
18:53 (musique rythmée)
19:18 (applaudissements)
19:21 - When the kids have gone to bed,
19:27 I'll ram-raid your knickers.
19:29 (rires)
19:31 - Yeah.
19:33 Yeah, but it was about...
19:35 (rires)
19:37 But it was about, you know,
19:38 you might go to a dance in a Rotary Hall or a Lion's Hall,
19:42 and there's people from a lot of different backgrounds,
19:45 and then there's usually a pretty left-field DJ
19:48 with a serious substance abuse problem,
19:51 and he brings you together.
19:53 - What a beautiful message that is.
19:56 (laughter)
19:57 Who's up next, Paul?
19:58 - Grab your tissues,
19:59 because it's time for a breakup ballad from Bubba.
20:03 (musique douce)
20:08 - I'm here to pick up my stuff.
20:15 - What did you leave behind?
20:17 - Um, a few bobby pins and...
20:20 - Don't say it.
20:22 - My heart.
20:25 (rires)
20:27 - ♪ 'Cause I've been sleeping on your side of the bed ♪
20:31 ♪ Since you left ♪
20:32 - ♪ We're not good together, we're like chicken and bears ♪
20:35 - ♪ And this love is so strong that it's so scary ♪
20:38 - ♪ But I'll never leave you again ♪
20:40 - ♪ You're not a scooter at the dairy ♪
20:42 (rires)
20:43 - ♪ That's so romantic ♪
20:45 - ♪ And you're enchanted ♪
20:47 - ♪ And that's all I need to know ♪
20:49 ♪ Is the love that you show ♪
20:52 - ♪ 'Cause we say less, but you pay more attention ♪
20:55 - ♪ So get back in my arms ♪
20:58 ♪ Come get this affection ♪
21:03 (rires)
21:05 - Get in here, girl.
21:11 (rires)
21:13 (applaudissements)
21:16 - Oh!
21:20 - Amazing.
21:22 - That was genuinely moving.
21:25 - Thank you.
21:26 - What happened after that?
21:29 - They f***ed.
21:30 (laughs)
21:32 - Two very distinct characters.
21:35 Very well played.
21:36 - Thank you, Taskmaster.
21:37 - So good.
21:39 - More one-hit wonders coming up, but first, here's some ads.
21:42 Nomai Hukimai, welcome back to Taskmaster.
21:57 Paul, where are we at?
21:59 - We've been tapping our toes to Gush Steady's "Banger"
22:02 and Bubba's heartbreaking ballad.
22:04 Next in the playlist, dueting with Ray O'Leary,
22:07 it's Karen O'Leary, "Guitarin' So Clearly".
22:10 (rires)
22:12 (musique)
22:14 ♪ Karen ♪
22:21 ♪ Karen O'Leary ♪
22:24 ♪ You really make my everything sing ♪
22:30 ♪ You are the wind beneath my wing ♪
22:37 ♪ Well, Ray, I love you so much too ♪
22:41 ♪ And I do love your psychoteach you ♪
22:48 ♪ Ray and Karen O'Leary ♪
22:55 ♪ A love so big it's almost scary ♪
23:01 ♪ A love that will never end ♪
23:05 (applaudissements)
23:18 - Emotion.
23:19 - Emotional, yeah.
23:20 - Okay, so you fell in love with a shoe?
23:23 - With Ray.
23:24 - I fell in love with Ray.
23:25 - Who was Ray? Where was Ray?
23:27 - So I was singing duet to myself,
23:28 but one of myself was playing another character,
23:31 which was Ray O'Leary.
23:32 Hilariously, we've got the same surname.
23:34 - And a very impressive use of your teeth
23:36 to undo Ray's shoelace.
23:38 - You can do it again now if you like.
23:40 - I'd love you to.
23:41 - Oh no.
23:42 (laughs)
23:43 (applaudissements)
23:46 - Oh my God.
23:47 (applaudissements)
23:50 - Hold me, Bill.
23:51 (laughs)
23:52 - I don't know if you heard Ray just say,
23:54 "Hold me, Bill."
23:55 - I don't know if you heard Ray just say,
23:57 "Hold me, Melanie."
23:58 (laughs)
24:00 - Who's next, Paul?
24:02 (laughs)
24:05 - It's Archipelago's In the Creek,
24:07 a duet by Ray O'Leary and Ray O'Leary.
24:10 (laughs)
24:12 ♪ Ray, I love your curly hair ♪
24:16 ♪ And I like your glasses ♪
24:19 ♪ You're wearing over there ♪
24:21 ♪ Ray, you make my heart flutter ♪
24:25 ♪ And my love for you is as smooth ♪
24:27 ♪ As your favourite peanut butter ♪
24:30 ♪ Ray, I love you ♪
24:32 ♪ Even though you're from Whanganui ♪
24:35 ♪ And the river is so brown there ♪
24:37 ♪ It looks a little pooey ♪
24:40 ♪ We can spend the days together ♪
24:42 ♪ Going out and playing bowls ♪
24:44 ♪ And I'll take all your money ♪
24:46 ♪ When you die of high cholesterol ♪
24:49 ♪ Mm, uh-uh, uh-huh-huh ♪
24:52 ♪ Yeah, coming in with a rap verse ♪
24:54 ♪ Time to back up the rap verse ♪
24:56 ♪ Yeah, Archipelago's in the creek ♪
24:59 ♪ That's who we are, just a couple of freaks ♪
25:01 ♪ Archipelago's who can't drive a car ♪
25:03 ♪ Get an Uber with me back to my flat ♪
25:06 ♪ Yeah, my boy, split the rent together ♪
25:08 ♪ Or we can move in with my mother ♪
25:10 ♪ His mother is my mother ♪
25:12 ♪ Word to your mother ♪
25:13 ♪ I'm coming out for all your mothers ♪
25:15 (whistles)
25:16 (laughs)
25:19 - You happy with that?
25:22 - I think I nailed the rapping.
25:24 - OK.
25:25 - Yeah, I felt like a white Eminem.
25:28 (applause)
25:35 - You took on quite a lot there, Ray.
25:37 You started with what I think was folk,
25:39 maybe spoken word, and then by the end,
25:40 you were doing hip-hop.
25:41 - I can explain.
25:43 (laughs)
25:44 Well, originally, I wrote a song
25:46 to the tune of "Islands in the Stream,"
25:48 and then they came in and said,
25:50 "We can't afford to pay $10,000 for you to sing."
25:53 And I had to pivot.
25:55 - So the two different Ray characters,
25:57 just one had glasses and one didn't?
25:59 - Yeah, that's the two sides of my personality.
26:02 One who can see well and one who's sort of blind as a bat.
26:05 (laughs)
26:07 - So who's closing out our set tonight, Paul?
26:09 - Who else, Jeremy, but a couple of Mel Bracewells.
26:12 (laughs)
26:13 ♪ I like your hair ♪
26:16 ♪ And I like your eyes too ♪
26:20 ♪ You make me smile ♪
26:22 ♪ And you know that that's true ♪
26:25 ♪ I've gotta say that I love you too ♪
26:30 ♪ Here's all the things that I love about you ♪
26:37 ♪ I love that you're fit, I love your tits ♪
26:39 ♪ I love that you don't flinch when I send a dick pic ♪
26:42 ♪ Personality's nice but your ass is nicer ♪
26:44 ♪ I'm gonna inject you like the Pfizer ♪
26:47 ♪ Come on girl, let's get to bed ♪
26:49 ♪ I'm so glad that you aren't dead ♪
26:54 ♪ Love, we love each other ♪
26:59 ♪ Love for one another ♪
27:02 ♪ I don't like your brother ♪
27:06 ♪ Love, you can feel stuck ♪
27:11 ♪ 'Cause on one hand I love you the way that you is ♪
27:14 ♪ The other hand I just wanna cover it in a kiss ♪
27:19 ♪ Love ♪
27:22 (applause)
27:27 - Beautiful.
27:28 I mean, who knew that you had such a vulgar misogynist in you?
27:32 The guy with the hat was brutal.
27:34 - Yeah man, it lives deep within me.
27:38 - Look, the harmonies were really good.
27:40 - Thank you.
27:41 - And singing, the two, I thought you did a great job to be honest.
27:44 In fact, I thought everybody did a great job.
27:47 Apart from Ray.
27:48 (laughter)
27:52 Ten points for effort, Ray, but I think one point for execution.
27:56 - Wait, so 11 points?
27:58 - Sorry, no.
28:00 No, one point for Ray.
28:02 - Okay.
28:03 - Two points for Karen.
28:04 Three points for Mel.
28:05 I would have given you four points,
28:07 but that disgusting man was very sexist,
28:10 so I'm only gonna give you three.
28:11 Four points for Dai with the fantastic Christian message.
28:14 (laughter)
28:16 I've gotta give Bubba five for that,
28:18 'cause that was quite something.
28:19 (applause)
28:21 Well done.
28:23 All right, I believe it's time for another task, Bob.
28:25 - You are 100% correct, Jeremy.
28:27 It's time to do some multitasking.
28:30 (music)
28:37 - Paul.
28:39 - Hello, Mel.
28:40 - Hello.
28:41 - Hello, Paul.
28:42 - Hello, Bubba.
28:43 - Sup?
28:44 - Hello, Karen.
28:45 - How have you been?
28:46 - Not well.
28:47 - Oh, well, not really my issue.
28:49 Where's the...
28:50 - Where's my little paper thing?
28:51 - It's on the desk.
28:53 - Oh!
28:55 There's a little task under there.
28:58 - Straight away.
29:00 - What are you looking for?
29:02 - I don't know.
29:03 - Why are you so suspicious?
29:05 - It's that kind of show, I'm very paranoid.
29:07 Every time I come into this room,
29:09 I feel like I'm about to be given a task
29:11 that no one else is going to do.
29:12 - I wouldn't let that happen.
29:14 - I think you would.
29:15 You'll see you're laughing now.
29:17 Is this one...
29:18 Is someone else opening this right now?
29:19 - Not right now.
29:21 - OK.
29:23 Find and complete the most tasks.
29:26 - Most completed tasks wins.
29:28 - You must complete a task...
29:30 - Before opening a new one.
29:33 - You have ten minutes.
29:35 Your time starts...
29:37 - Now.
29:39 - What do we call this?
29:42 It's a multitask, really, isn't it?
29:43 - Yeah, very simple.
29:44 Find as many tasks as possible and complete them,
29:47 and you can't move on
29:48 until you've completed the task you found.
29:50 - I can't wait to see what little tasks
29:52 are waiting out there for our comedians.
29:54 Who's multitasking are we going to see first, Paul?
29:57 - He loves doing tasks so much
29:59 that he agreed to be on Taskmaster New Zealand.
30:02 It's Dai Henwood.
30:04 - Punch something, but don't hurt yourself.
30:11 - Disaster.
30:15 - Behind the cane.
30:16 - Poke your tongue out.
30:18 - Remove an item of clothing.
30:24 - G'day, fish.
30:25 - Eat something while sitting at the desk.
30:28 - Gasping for a jelly baby.
30:31 - Just have one.
30:32 - Look under the duck.
30:33 - Go to the lake and bring back some water.
30:37 - This was a really bad one.
30:39 - What's the time like?
30:40 - You've got six minutes and eight seconds.
30:42 - Oh, how do you get to the f***ing lake?
30:48 - The latrine you get by shambles.
30:52 Dance for ten seconds while I'm painting the fridge.
30:55 Look at me dance.
30:57 Look at me dance.
30:59 Look at me dance.
31:02 Look at me dance.
31:04 Look at me dance.
31:06 Now I'm finished and I'm ready.
31:08 - Whistle.
31:09 [whistling]
31:11 [whistling]
31:13 [whistling]
31:15 [whistling]
31:17 [whistling]
31:19 - Twelve seconds.
31:21 - Four, three, two, one.
31:27 [whistling]
31:29 - That was great fun, man.
31:30 - Okay.
31:31 - Thank you very much, Paul.
31:32 - Thank you, Guy.
31:33 - Can I take this now?
31:34 - Huh.
31:35 - There's a tar stuck to it.
31:37 We'll never know what that was.
31:40 Ever.
31:42 [applause]
31:45 - So, you did pretty well, Guy.
31:47 You probably think a tactical error heading down to the lake.
31:51 - But I got some steps in going to the lake.
31:54 The key, I think my thing was when you plan to run to a lake,
31:58 find out where the lake is first.
32:01 Establish a path.
32:03 Don't just run to a fully gated car park assuming that is the lake.
32:08 - How did Guy go?
32:10 - So 13 is the score to beat.
32:12 - Okay.
32:13 13.
32:14 Now it's time for a task for you at home.
32:16 Watch these ads and buy one of every product you see.
32:22 More Taskmaster after this.
32:24 [applause]
32:26 [music]
32:30 [music]
32:33 [applause]
32:37 Welcome back to Taskmaster,
32:38 the show that pits comedians against each other
32:40 in the hopes of winning sexy prizes like an hourglass and a sponge.
32:45 Paul, could you give us a recap, please?
32:47 - Our contestants are currently completing a task
32:50 where they must complete the most tasks.
32:53 Up next, it's Boba, Karen and Mal.
32:56 - Passionately kiss an imaginary person.
33:02 [laughter]
33:06 - Do a cartwheel, no matter how pathetic.
33:09 [laughter]
33:12 - Say carrot ten times.
33:13 Carrot, carrot, carrot, carrot, carrot, carrot, carrot.
33:16 - Carrot, carrot, carrot, carrot.
33:17 Carrot.
33:18 [laughter]
33:20 - Peekaboo.
33:21 - Donate to charity.
33:22 - Yell something you like about yourself.
33:25 - I'm gay!
33:27 [laughter]
33:28 - Thank you for your support.
33:29 - There you go.
33:30 - Eat something while sitting at the desk.
33:32 - Isis.
33:36 [laughter]
33:37 - I don't know if I'd call that a charity.
33:40 - Whistle.
33:41 [whistling]
33:44 - Under the duck.
33:46 - This is weird.
33:48 Give Paul a lap dance.
33:49 This is actually really weird.
33:50 - It doesn't say that.
33:51 - Okay, it just says remove it. I'm quoting.
33:53 I bet you love whistling as well.
33:55 I bet this is all the freaking little ruse.
33:57 You're like, "Ooh, I love it when girls whistle
33:59 and eat a lolly at a desk."
34:01 - Whistle for seven seconds.
34:03 [whistling]
34:06 - I love whistling.
34:07 - Remove an item from the book.
34:09 This is a rude show.
34:11 - Oh, look away.
34:12 - This is some white people shit, Paul.
34:14 - Oh, hello.
34:15 [laughter]
34:16 - Oh, I can't burp. I can't fake burp.
34:18 - What does it say?
34:19 - I did burp!
34:20 Crawl under the desk three times.
34:22 Oh, shit.
34:24 [laughter]
34:25 [belches]
34:26 - Yes! Okay, all right.
34:28 This is a crawl.
34:30 [laughter]
34:31 - Peekaboo.
34:32 - 18-second puppet show with two objects.
34:35 - Yeah, good day, mate. How's it going?
34:37 - Well, you know, just having a bit of a shit of a day,
34:40 to be fair.
34:41 I've been hanging out with this guy, Paul, all day,
34:43 and it's just, you know, it's really grown on my gears.
34:45 - Okay, that's enough.
34:46 - Okay, good.
34:47 - That's enough.
34:48 - Have you got one?
34:49 [imitates a bird]
34:50 No?
34:51 - Remove an item of clothing.
34:53 - Sorcery.
34:55 [laughter]
34:56 - There you go.
34:57 - Gargle some water while sitting at the--
35:00 - Can I put it back on now that I've removed it?
35:03 - Yeah, probably. Sorry about that last one.
35:06 - That's okay.
35:07 - Whatever you're into, Paul.
35:08 - I like whistling.
35:10 [imitates a water spout]
35:12 [laughter]
35:14 [imitates a water spout]
35:15 - Oh!
35:16 - Okay, I didn't expect you to spit it.
35:18 - Yeah, same.
35:19 - Do the last task you did before this one again.
35:21 - Take my shorts off again?
35:23 - All right, what are the chances of that?
35:26 [whistles]
35:28 - No, I wouldn't.
35:29 [whistles]
35:31 - Again, another whistle. Of course. You freak.
35:34 I'm going to put my clothes back on now. Is that okay?
35:37 - Yes.
35:39 [laughter and applause]
35:45 - If it's your first time watching Taskmaster,
35:47 not all the tasks involve multiple women
35:49 taking off multiple pieces of clothing
35:51 while Paul Williams watches from a chaise lounge.
35:56 I like the fact, Bubba, that you thought
35:58 that taking off your clothes was filthy white person...
36:04 - I don't know. I blame you for everything.
36:08 - It's probably fair, to be honest.
36:11 - Mel, how much money did you donate to ISIS?
36:16 - I donated $50 to the Women's Refuge.
36:20 Yeah, it's not that much, but...
36:23 - How did everyone go, Paul?
36:24 - So the score to beat was 13.
36:27 Karen completed 11 tasks.
36:30 Mel, 12.
36:32 Bubba, 16.
36:34 [cheers and applause]
36:37 - Who's up next, then?
36:39 - Up next, our final multitasker,
36:41 it's Ray O'Leary.
36:44 - Remove an item of clothing.
36:47 Oh, there's one.
36:49 Do five yoga poses.
36:51 - Is that downward dog?
36:52 - I'll accept it.
36:53 - Can I just do that five times?
36:55 - 'Cause I didn't say do five different yoga poses, did I?
36:58 I feel like I'm praying to Mecca.
37:01 Are you sitting on one? Do you have one in your pockets?
37:03 Do you have one in your...
37:05 Why do you have this? How many do you have?
37:08 Do you have all the tasks here?
37:09 - Oh, my...
37:10 - You look like a task suicide bomber.
37:13 Reach up high. Bend down low.
37:16 Wave. Find something that's your favorite color.
37:19 Red's my favorite color. This is red.
37:21 Poke your tongue out. Sniff your elbow.
37:24 Oh, my Lord.
37:25 Kiss three walls. Oh, gross.
37:28 Paul, can you please take off your jacket, please?
37:32 Caress a plant, really.
37:34 (humming)
37:37 Pretend to be electrocuted for seven seconds.
37:40 (humming)
37:44 Passionately sing the color of your hair.
37:47 ♪ Brown ♪
37:49 Pat yourself on the back.
37:51 Pat your head and rub your tummy.
37:52 - 12 seconds.
37:53 - Clap. Shake hands with Paul.
37:56 Jump. Sit down.
37:59 (sifflement)
38:01 - OK.
38:03 - Was there a task in my clothes?
38:05 - I'm not sure.
38:06 - Well, there's a task underneath.
38:09 Accurately perform a Shakespeare soliloquy of your choice.
38:14 I'm glad I didn't find that one.
38:16 (laughter)
38:18 (applause)
38:22 - You found the motherlode there.
38:25 - Yes.
38:26 - You were like a kid in a candy shop.
38:27 - Yes, I felt like a truffle pig.
38:29 (laughter)
38:33 - How did Ray go?
38:34 - So the score to beat was 16. Ray found 32.
38:38 (applause)
38:42 - All right. So what were the final scores there then, Paul?
38:45 - That means one point for Karen, two points for Mel,
38:47 three points for Di, four points for Bubba,
38:50 and five points for Ray.
38:52 (applause)
38:53 - Well done.
38:54 We're about to cut to some ads, but first,
38:56 can you at home find all the tasks Paul Williams
38:59 has hidden around your house?
39:01 Go and have a look around. Your time starts now.
39:05 (applause)
39:07 (theme music)
39:11 (theme music)
39:15 (applause)
39:18 - It's nice to have you with us on Taskmaster.
39:20 Before we force our comedians into one last
39:23 potentially embarrassing situation,
39:25 let's find out what our scores look like.
39:27 Paul?
39:28 - It's very close, but out in first with 15 points, it's Bubba.
39:32 (applause)
39:35 - Okay, here we go, everyone.
39:36 Please head upstairs to the stage for the live task.
39:40 (applause)
39:41 (theme music)
39:43 Paul, can someone who's not you,
39:45 please tell me what's going on up there?
39:47 - Ray O'Leary.
39:49 - Paint a painting on the canvas in front of you.
39:52 You must paint with the hand that is attached
39:54 to your team's pole.
39:56 One member of each team must paint a handsome horse
39:59 and one must paint a dangerous duck.
40:01 One member of the team of three must paint a dangerous duck
40:05 riding a handsome horse.
40:07 Best paintings after three minutes wins.
40:10 - Are you ready?
40:11 - You and Duck.
40:12 - And Bubba?
40:13 - Yeah.
40:14 - Stop talking, please.
40:15 - All right, Dad.
40:16 (laughter)
40:17 (whistle)
40:18 (applause)
40:21 - Oh no.
40:22 Oh shit.
40:23 (laughter)
40:25 - Mine's really pulling left here.
40:28 - Oh, sorry.
40:29 - All these photo realism classes paid off.
40:31 (laughter)
40:32 (groaning)
40:37 - Ray, being tied to you while you make these noises
40:39 is unsettling.
40:40 (laughter)
40:41 (groaning)
40:45 - I need a little bit of leeway here for a second
40:47 coming left if that's cool.
40:49 Thanks, guys.
40:50 - Oh, I've ruined it.
40:52 - Cool, we can go back to--
40:53 - Don't worry, I'm nailing it.
40:55 (laughter)
40:56 - Don't do that circle thing.
40:57 Oh shit, sorry.
40:58 - 20 seconds.
40:59 - Oh my gosh.
41:00 - Oh, can we just go left--
41:02 (groaning)
41:04 - What else should I paint?
41:05 - Oh, f*** Ray.
41:06 (whistle)
41:07 (screaming)
41:08 (applause)
41:12 - Everybody come on down and we'll judge them.
41:14 (applause)
41:16 (upbeat music)
41:18 - Great to have you back, everyone.
41:19 Please take a seat with your painters.
41:21 We'll have a look at them and judge them, eh?
41:23 Ray, let's start with you.
41:25 - I've painted an incredibly dangerous duck.
41:27 So dangerous it is currently mid-bank robbery.
41:30 (laughter)
41:32 - Baby blue gun?
41:33 - Yeah, it's holding up a gender reveal party.
41:35 (laughter)
41:38 - Mel Bracewell, what did you paint?
41:40 - Obviously, this is a handsome horse
41:43 and handsome, although it is kind of like
41:45 a male-centered compliment, so that's actually not a leg.
41:48 (laughter)
41:49 - Oh, it's a stallion.
41:50 - Yeah, it is a stallion.
41:51 - Okay.
41:52 Karen, what did you paint?
41:54 - Well, I've obviously got black beauty here
41:57 who's just frolicking in the field
41:59 and then has been hijacked by this dangerous duck
42:02 and then I put some quotation here which says
42:04 (imitates duck)
42:05 "Death!"
42:06 And the horse is like
42:07 (imitates horse)
42:09 - Oh, I see.
42:10 - Because it knows it's about to come a gutser.
42:11 - Beautiful.
42:12 - Beautiful art.
42:13 - I'll tell you what's not beautiful
42:14 and that's yours, Dike.
42:15 (laughter)
42:17 - What's more dangerous than the green-eyed monster, jealousy?
42:21 This is a jealous, dangerous duck.
42:24 So he went, "I'm gonna destroy my wife."
42:28 Not my wife, but the man--
42:30 (laughter)
42:31 "I'm gonna destroy the man who's been making me
42:34 "a cuckold with a gun."
42:36 - Barbara, can you describe your piece of art, please?
42:39 - First of all, he's got a handsome name.
42:40 His name is Jeremy.
42:42 - Oh my God.
42:44 - And he was born with some differences
42:46 and I feel like he'd be a great advocate for horses
42:49 that look not like horses.
42:52 (laughter)
42:55 So his teeth was growing outside of his mouth
42:57 when he was born
42:58 and he's got a blue eye
43:00 and one big-ass Cindy Crawford mole on his belly.
43:04 (laughter)
43:05 - Look, great paintings apart from dyes.
43:08 (laughter)
43:09 - So, Dye, you're gonna get one point.
43:11 - Fair enough.
43:12 - Nice use of colour, Ray.
43:13 - Thank you.
43:14 - But two points for you.
43:15 Three points for Jeremy the handsome horse.
43:18 Four points for Karen's homage to Colin McCann.
43:22 And I think five points for Mel's very beautiful horse.
43:26 (applause)
43:30 - Okay, so that means, by the slimmest of margins,
43:33 the winner of episode nine is Bubba!
43:36 (applause)
43:41 - Yes!
43:43 - Congratulations, Bubba.
43:45 You're now the proud owner of a bunch of sexy objects.
43:48 So please, head up to the stage
43:50 and enjoy them in a family-friendly way
43:52 while the cameras are still rolling, please.
43:54 You've earned them. Go on, get up there.
43:56 (applause)
43:58 What did we learn this evening?
44:00 We learned that only losers call them skateboards
44:03 instead of players' utensils.
44:05 (laughter)
44:06 And most importantly, we learned that Bubba
44:08 is the winner of episode nine!
44:10 (applause)
44:12 Ka kite everybody! We'll see you next time.
44:15 (applause)
44:18 (cheers)
44:20 (applause)
44:23 (laughter)
44:25 (applause)
44:30 - It's gonna be like laying egg. Your time starts now.
44:32 - And what a fun time.
44:34 (crash)
44:35 - You bastard!
44:36 - You're cheating, bitch! Why'd you cheat on me?
44:38 - I filed a police report.
44:40 - This is insane.
44:42 - It's time to announce the winner of season four.
44:45 - It's about time. It's only episode ten.
44:47 (cheers)