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00:00 And in this situation, David abandoned his daughter.
00:10 One more time.
00:12 Discipline is helping a child solve a problem.
00:15 The motivation of discipline is not to vent your anger.
00:19 Never hit your children or react to your children out of anger.
00:24 Respond.
00:25 Take a moment.
00:27 Discipline is a decision you make to help solve a problem, whether that's taking away
00:32 a phone, whether it's you can't go out, or you need to do X, Y, and Z.
00:35 Discipline, the motivation is I want to help make you stronger.
00:40 I want to help make you better.
00:42 Punishment though is making a child suffer for having a problem.
00:45 I'm going to get you.
00:48 I'm so mad at what you did.
00:49 You embarrassed me, and somehow it becomes about you instead of the benefit of the child.
00:54 But abandonment, doing nothing, is acting like the problem doesn't exist.
01:10 We are in part two of our parenting series, and we're going to begin in 2 Samuel chapter
01:15 13, beginning with verse 19.
01:19 Some of this will take a moment before you pick up if you did not, if you weren't with
01:24 us last week.
01:27 Verse 19, "Then Tamar put ashes on her head."
01:37 Back in this time, ashes were a sign of mourning, and the bread she had just cooked for Amnon,
01:46 she reached in, and she took the hot ashes out, put it on her head, covered her face.
01:54 And even as she cried, her steered tanes would go through the ash, and black tears would
01:59 drip from her face.
02:01 And all of this was a sign of her grief.
02:06 You see, things bottled up in life tend to resurface in uglier forms later until we address
02:12 them.
02:14 And I recognize that everyone in this room is strong, and independent, and bold, and
02:20 brave.
02:22 But God gave us tears so we can't hide from the sight of those we love how much we need
02:28 help at times.
02:31 And in this moment, she tore her robe of many colors.
02:36 Joseph, if you recall, also wore this robe of many colors.
02:43 And this robe represented the fact that she was a princess.
02:47 This was her mantle.
02:51 But after what had just happened, she did not feel like a princess anymore.
02:58 Amnon had hurt her, abused her, and then kicked her out.
03:08 And one of the most self-destructive things you can do in life is believe the opinion
03:14 of someone who doesn't love you.
03:19 And she was battling with this.
03:23 Is the way he treated me the way I'm supposed to be treated?
03:27 Did I do something to merit what just happened in that bedroom?
03:37 And she laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly.
03:43 This was not just a gentle tear running down her face.
03:47 This was not flying.
03:48 I mean, these are tears pouring down.
03:52 She wept all the way home.
03:57 You see, these types of tears, maybe they're 1% water, but they're really 99% pain.
04:04 And no one can cry these types of tears for you but you.
04:11 In Absalom, her brother said to her, you see, she couldn't go to Daddy because Daddy wasn't
04:19 healthy.
04:22 And Daddy would only make excuses for his sons.
04:27 Learning principle number one, a good parent is not just someone a child comes from, but
04:35 a person a child can run to.
04:41 David had not yet developed into that man just yet.
04:47 And before we beat up on David, we've got to look a little bit into his background.
04:52 How did David get here?
04:55 Because sometimes the question is not what's wrong with you as much as what happened to
04:58 you.
05:01 Let's go back in David's life, 1 Samuel 16 and 10.
05:07 This is just one glimpse into probably a regular experience for David.
05:13 Thus, Jesse, who was David's daddy, made seven of his sons pass before Samuel.
05:20 Now having Samuel come to your home in these days was very much like having the president
05:24 of the United States come to your house.
05:26 He was the judge of the nation.
05:29 He was the prophet of the land.
05:32 And so, you know, you have President Obama, President Biden, President Trump coming to
05:37 your table, and you intensely don't invite one of your kids to dinner.
05:44 And eventually the prophet, he knows God called him to, you know, appoint, anoint one of the
05:51 children, but you know, we know in part and see in part, so we don't always know all the
05:55 details.
05:56 But he did know, listen, God, you sent me here, but it is God.
06:00 None of these kids are the one you want me to anoint.
06:03 So, he said to Samuel, the Lord has not chosen these, and God does not choose the way we
06:09 choose.
06:10 You see, you may have children you may enjoy more than others.
06:17 Maybe it's because of their maturity level.
06:19 Maybe it's because of shared interests.
06:20 Maybe it's because of shared values.
06:22 But never let it be because there's a child you love less.
06:26 You see, enjoying a child is not the same as loving a child.
06:30 You see, if your son is incarcerated, your daughter is incarcerated, you know, there's
06:33 a limited amount of enjoyment you can have.
06:36 And it's not that you love that child less, but that child that you know has done what
06:40 they needed to do, and can come to your house and be at dinner.
06:44 There's just a level of enjoyment.
06:45 Do you understand what I'm saying?
06:47 So, you know, with God the Father, God wouldn't love me less if I went sideways, but he wouldn't
06:52 get the same level of enjoyment.
06:55 So what I'm trying to do is bring enjoyment into the heart of my father.
07:00 You hear what I'm saying?
07:01 Father God.
07:02 And each of us, when we walk into the room, we want to bring joy.
07:06 Not just say, well God loves me, but bring joy into the heart of the father.
07:14 When Samuel said to Jesse, "Are all the young men here?"
07:19 Well then Jesse says, "Well, you know, there's this one kid."
07:23 And there he is.
07:26 So meaning, David was, you know, they could see David.
07:32 So he was within sight, but he intensely did not want him to come.
07:38 And he was out there keeping the sheep.
07:40 So the most respected man in all of Israel shows up for dinner at Jesse's house, and
07:47 Jesse calls all his sons except one.
07:49 How many of you know that had to sting?
07:52 Yeah.
07:53 And Samuel said to Jesse, "Send and bring him."
07:59 The dad only invited David because Samuel pressed him, meaning dad didn't want David
08:06 at the table.
08:08 And this is why some scholars say that David was really the son of Jesse's cheating heart,
08:15 the son of Jesse's philandering, the son of Jesse's wandering eye, the son that he was
08:20 not particularly proud of having.
08:25 Now I can't be sure, but I can kind of read that into the text.
08:28 All I do know is that David grew up feeling very, very left out.
08:35 And it's highly possible that David's dad was just a little bit harder on David than
08:41 the others.
08:42 And this could be the reason why David overcompensated with his own kids.
08:47 Perhaps his dad was, you know, was a little harsh with him and all of this.
08:52 Like, well I will never do that to my children.
08:55 But you see, what I learned in life, hurt people hurt people.
09:01 And principle number two, good parents know raising a child is not making up for the deficiencies
09:08 in your childhood.
09:11 It's about giving your child what they need for theirs.
09:17 Back to 2 Samuel 13, 20.
09:22 In Absalom her brother said to her, again she couldn't go to dad, she had to go to brother.
09:28 Has Amnon your brother been with you?
09:31 Apparently Absalom was suspicious of Amnon's request when Amnon asked for his most beautiful
09:39 sister to go to his house.
09:43 And if he didn't suspect something, he would not have been able to guess this as quickly
09:47 as he did.
09:48 You see, anyone paying attention could have seen this coming.
09:54 But David as a daddy was asleep at the wheel.
09:58 And some wheels you just can't fall asleep at.
10:03 I'll sew you up before we're done.
10:07 But now hold your peace my sister, he is your brother.
10:17 Wow.
10:23 The gist of what he was saying underneath that bold statement that's very painful is
10:30 that Tamar, if you take this public it's going to be a disgrace to the entire family.
10:36 You see, every family has secrets.
10:39 And sometimes this can be okay, because everything's not everybody's business, and people need
10:44 space to grow and all the rest.
10:46 But we've got to be careful.
10:48 A family secret is like keeping an unspoken promise.
10:54 But if it remains unaddressed by those in the family, it can become an unspoken prison.
11:05 So he said, don't take these things to heart.
11:08 Absalom tried to comfort his sister by saying, sis, this was not your fault.
11:15 This was on Amnon.
11:17 This is about his issues, his lust, his lack of discipline, what's wrong in his heart.
11:24 But these were words she ultimately needed to hear from dad.
11:29 It's amazing how often we blame ourselves when other people hurt us.
11:38 But it's something all of us do.
11:43 Often we confuse accepting responsibility with accepting blame.
11:49 You see, I must always accept responsibility for my choices, but I will never accept blame
11:56 for someone else's.
12:00 As much as I love you, as much as your parents may love you, your life is not their circus,
12:09 and it's not their monkey's.
12:11 It's yours.
12:16 So Tamar, watch this, remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house.
12:24 She gave up on herself, and she gave up on her future.
12:32 What someone else does may define them, but never let it define you.
12:40 And when King David heard of all these things, he was very, very, very, very angry.
12:48 He didn't take steps to fix the issue.
12:52 He just became emotional.
12:56 And many of us kind of lead that way.
12:58 We just get emotional.
13:00 It's just a bunch of bluster, a door slam, and things breaking.
13:06 But the issue is never or seldom addressed.
13:13 Principle number three, discipline is helping a child solving a problem.
13:21 Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem, but abandonment is acting like
13:28 the problem does not exist.
13:31 And in this situation, David abandoned his daughter.
13:39 One more time.
13:41 Discipline is helping a child solve a problem.
13:45 The motivation of discipline is not to vent your anger.
13:49 Never hit your children or react to your children out of anger.
13:53 Respond.
13:54 Take a moment.
13:57 Discipline is a decision you make to help solve a problem, whether that's taking away
14:01 a phone, whether it's you can't go out, or you need to do X, Y, and Z.
14:05 Discipline, the motivation is I want to help make you stronger.
14:09 I want to help make you better.
14:11 Punishment though is making a child suffer for having a problem.
14:15 I'm going to get you.
14:17 I'm so mad at what you did.
14:18 You embarrassed me, and somehow it becomes about you instead of the benefit of the child.
14:24 But abandonment, doing nothing, is acting like the problem doesn't exist.
14:31 22, "And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon."
14:35 Watch this.
14:37 "Neither good nor bad.
14:41 Absalom maintained the ultimate poker face, because deep down in his heart he planned
14:47 to do to his brother what his father wouldn't do."
14:52 You see, nature abhors a vacuum.
14:57 Where we don't lead, someone else will step in and fill that gap.
15:03 And Absalom actually ended up filling the role of Tamar's father, and it was a role
15:08 he wasn't equipped for.
15:11 There were emotions he wasn't yet ready to manage.
15:15 So men and women, when we step back from things we're assigned to do, it just creates a gap
15:22 that culture fills, or Pookie fills, or Slick Rick fills, or somebody that ought not be
15:30 in that seat, or even a child that's just not developed enough to handle that pressure.
15:39 But it was because we didn't step up.
15:41 And you know, in this generation there are things God wants us to do, and in this culture
15:47 it seems like a lot of the wrong people are stepping up, but it's because the righteous
15:51 are silent.
15:52 But if we would step up, if we would step in, if we would lift our voice—you hear
15:56 what I'm saying?
16:00 Others would not have such a platform.
16:04 For Absalom hated Amnon.
16:09 Hatred injures the hater more than the hated, because it shrinks the character of the carrier.
16:20 He hated Amnon, and I understand this.
16:25 I get this.
16:26 In fact, the first time I read these narratives I was like, I get Absalom.
16:29 In fact, Absalom, I don't blame you.
16:32 I get it, and I understand Absalom.
16:34 And if I tell you more about myself, don't judge me, but I needed Jesus in my life, because
16:40 I was the type of guy, do me wrong, and if I can't respond in the moment I'm going to
16:44 lay in the cut.
16:47 And right when you don't least expect it, I'm going to pop up and remind you, you hear
16:52 what I'm saying?
16:53 Yeah, so I was, I needed Jesus.
16:56 I was that type of guy, so I understand Absalom.
17:01 So he hated Amnon, so every day he'd think about it, because he forced his sister Tamar.
17:07 I mean he had every good reason, but some things as horrible as they are you've got
17:14 to leave to God and leave to the authorities.
17:16 You hear what I'm saying?
17:19 It's not worth going to prison over?
17:23 Leave it to God.
17:24 Don't ruin two lives.
17:27 Leave it to God.
17:30 And it came to pass after two full years, so Absalom again laid in the cut for two years
17:37 waiting for an opportunity to get even.
17:41 Now in many ways Absalom was a remarkable young man, because he was smart and he was
17:46 cunning.
17:47 Imagine if he would have used this cunning for good.
17:52 So then it goes on as sheep shearer time comes, which is really like their Christmas.
17:57 It was a time of celebration.
17:59 Everyone was happy, and you were going to get new clothes because the wool was there,
18:02 and you might even eat some lamb.
18:04 You'd call people over, and there'd be celebration.
18:07 And Absalom invited all the king's sons.
18:12 Then Absalom came to the king after he invited his brothers and said, because he knew by
18:17 the way that Amnon probably would not come, because Amnon was just a little bit embarrassed,
18:22 and Amnon was probably not comfortable around Absalom because he had this grudge.
18:27 So what Absalom's doing is working on making sure Amnon's there another way.
18:32 So he says to the king, "Kindly note your servant has sheep shearers."
18:36 You know, it's that time of year.
18:37 "Please let the king and his servants go with your servant."
18:41 So Absalom understood if David came, all of his sons would have to come too, because that's
18:47 the way you honored the king.
18:49 But the king responded to Absalom, "No, my son.
18:52 Let us not all go now, lest we be a burden to you."
18:56 You see, in those days they respected.
18:58 I know respect is so far gone today, but back then you still respected people, and you respected
19:04 people's office, et cetera.
19:07 And you could not invite a king without presenting a feast fit for a king.
19:14 And David knew that this would be a lot on his son and all his servants, and it just
19:20 required too much.
19:22 So David, you know, for one of the rare times says no.
19:26 But then Absalom begins to urge him.
19:27 He does his very best.
19:28 He's like, you know, "David, come on.
19:30 Come on, Dad.
19:31 You know, come.
19:32 It's important to me, whatever."
19:34 But David would not go, but David did bless him, which was great.
19:38 But when David declined, Absalom moved to plan B.
19:44 Then Absalom said, "Okay, Dad.
19:48 If you won't come, please let my brother Amnon go with us."
19:53 Now this made sense, because Amnon was the crown prince.
19:57 He was the oldest son, and people expected him to become king after David.
20:04 So what he was saying, in effect, is, "Dad, since you won't come, send the prince in your
20:09 stead."
20:10 And it was a fitting, you know, invitation.
20:13 And the king said to him, "Why should he go with you?"
20:18 So the king is, you know, he's suspicious.
20:19 He knew what had happened, and what Amnon did to Absalom's sister.
20:25 But David still had not quite learned the lesson we talked about last week.
20:29 He still had a problem giving his children well-placed no's.
20:33 And as a parent, you've got to learn, not no for everything, but well-placed.
20:37 Some things are just not good for you yet.
20:39 You hear what I'm saying?
20:40 Some things will take you to the wrong place.
20:42 I remember when I was in my teens, I thought I was grown.
20:45 Probably about 13, I thought I was a grown man.
20:48 And I wanted to go see Staying Alive.
20:51 And I know I'm really dating myself.
20:53 It was the movie, you know, John Travolta, crazy stuff.
20:56 And my mother said no.
20:59 Well, she knew what type of stuff watching that movie would bring out of me.
21:05 So in her wisdom, she said no.
21:09 Of course, I snuck and saw Staying Alive.
21:13 But the point is a well-placed no sometimes lets a child know you care.
21:19 You know, the only day I don't have a little thing in here is the day I need it, because
21:23 I am sweating.
21:24 You got something to, you know, it's just a little bit warm in here.
21:27 Honey, would it be okay if I took my jacket off?
21:30 She told me no earlier, so okay.
21:32 See, I do take directions, so all right.
21:35 There we go.
21:36 Thank you.
21:37 Okay, I'm good.
21:38 And the king said to me, "Well, why should he go with you?"
21:44 But Aslam urged him.
21:45 It was against David's better judgment, but he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with
21:51 him.
21:52 What do you think is about to happen?
21:55 Now Aslam had commanded his servants saying, "Watch now.
22:00 When Amnon's heart is married with wine," watch this, "he waited until Amnon was most
22:05 relaxed and most vulnerable.
22:09 And when I say to you, 'Strike Amnon,' then kill him."
22:13 Now those of us familiar with the Bible recall as David made Bathsheba's husband drunk, then
22:19 murdered him.
22:21 Amnon his son made his brother drunk, then murdered him.
22:28 You see, a parent seldom has the clarity to see the worst in themselves until it reappears
22:36 in their children.
22:40 He said, "Do not be afraid, have I not commanded you.
22:44 Be courageous and valiant in good things."
22:47 But Aslam understood that his servants would be reluctant to take the life of one of the
22:52 king's sons.
22:54 And God had already prophesied that the sword would never leave David's house because of
22:59 his sin with Bathsheba.
23:00 And now the whole process has begun.
23:02 So the servants of Aslam did to Amnon as Aslam had commanded.
23:09 Then all the king's sons arose.
23:14 If we don't face our problems when they're smaller, they only grow taller.
23:20 If we don't deal with issues when our child's two, four, six, 16, when they're like 28,
23:28 35, 59, it becomes very, very difficult.
23:34 You have a space in your child's life to influence them like none other, and don't miss your
23:42 window of opportunity.
23:45 Do you hear what I'm saying here?
23:48 All the king's sons arose.
23:52 No one likes confrontation, but all of his children are now running from one of his sons
23:58 because of the monster David helped to create, because David avoided dealing with issues
24:04 as they arose.
24:05 You see, avoidance may be the best short-term strategy to escape conflict, but it's the
24:12 best long-term strategy to ensure an explosion.
24:17 And when you're kicking stuff down the road, you need to deal with whether it's with your
24:21 children, whether it's with your spouse.
24:24 You know, I have found...
24:25 I know I have a perfect marriage and perfect children and everything, but I have found
24:30 that when me and my wife go on vacation, that's normally where we start having some arguments.
24:36 You see, most of the other time we're too busy.
24:40 And you know, I think we've got it covered, but then we go on vacation and stuff starts
24:45 popping up, because you're not so busy and so distracted.
24:49 And what we find is avoidance don't make the issues go away.
24:53 All it does is spoil what could be good times or better times.
24:58 And what I've learned is to keep a short account with people.
25:01 I mean, when it comes up, if you have the relationship...
25:04 I'm not talking about being a whiner and always fine and fall, and oh, you're going to hurt
25:07 me because you just, you know, you accidentally did not say hello, you know, because really
25:13 you were looking at the other direction.
25:14 I'm not talking about silly.
25:16 But when stuff comes up, keep a short account, and deal with it quickly, because if you don't
25:22 deal with it quickly, it's only going to grow.
25:24 And what you could have...
25:29 Pulled up as a seed is now this huge oak, and it's got deep roots, and it's attached
25:34 to all this other stuff, because you didn't deal with it quickly.
25:40 So we're talking about parenting, but really in this series what I've really been talking
25:44 about is avoidance.
25:46 And it can be applied to parenting, but it can also be applied to relationships.
25:51 Avoidance is one of the more deadly and dangerous things.
25:53 One of the things about avoidance is you don't really realize often you're doing it, because
25:59 you justify it in your mind.
26:00 You say, well, you know, I didn't want to hurt their feelings, or I just wanted to wait
26:03 to a better time.
26:04 But sometimes you do need to wait for a better time, but not a never time.
26:08 You know, a lot of times it's just an excuse not to deal with the issue.
26:15 So, in this series, last week and this week we've already talked about seven steps, and
26:20 I'm going to repeat them.
26:22 Number one, you will never help a child overcome their weakness by pretending they're not there.
26:29 So you do your child no favor by acting like it's okay when it's not okay.
26:35 Same thing with your spouse.
26:37 You do your spouse no favor by acting like it's okay when it's not okay.
26:42 Number two, a good parent knows a child may at times need help telling the truth.
26:49 Not that your child's a liar; I know my kids tend to tell me the truth.
26:52 They tell me straight and all the rest, but I also notice they often tell me half the
26:56 truth.
26:59 So they needed some pointed questions to get the further truth.
27:05 Number three we learned, a well-placed no is healthy for a child every now and then.
27:12 The child won't die.
27:14 True story, they might even grow.
27:18 Parents must live with the fact that one day their children will follow their example and
27:26 not their advice.
27:29 So you've got to live this thing, and live like you're the solution to their issue.
27:38 Number five, and this is where we were today, a good parent is not just someone a child
27:44 comes from, but someone a child can run to.
27:49 Number six, raising children is not about making up for the deficiencies in your childhood.
27:56 Well you didn't get a whole lot when you were a child, so you give your child everything
27:59 and you spoil them.
28:00 That's a dangerous thing.
28:03 Raising children is not about making up for the deficiencies in your childhood.
28:08 It's about giving your kids what they need for theirs.
28:13 Number seven, discipline, watch this, is helping a child solve a problem.
28:22 Discipline is designed to help.
28:24 It's not the same as punishment.
28:28 Never strike a kid in anger.
28:30 If you're super angry, shut up.
28:34 Hold your tongue and wait for, wait until you can respond and not just react.
28:42 If you speak when you're angry, you're going to give the greatest speech you'll ever regret.
28:49 Punishment is making your child suffer for having a problem.
28:52 I'm going to get you, because you did that.
28:55 You embarrassed me.
28:56 I'm mad at you.
29:00 We're not to punish children for having problems, because children have problems.
29:05 That's why they have parents, to help them.
29:09 But the worst is probably the last, but abandonment is acting like the problem does not exist.
29:17 You see, David loved the Lord, the great psalmist of Israel.
29:21 The problem was he just had some blind spots.
29:26 And those of us in this room, we're good people.
29:29 You love the Lord.
29:30 I mean, David wrote the Psalms.
29:35 He worshiped.
29:36 He's the lead worshiper of Israel.
29:38 He was an amazing king.
29:41 Why?
29:42 Strong in battle, but he had blind spots.
29:47 And some of the issues, or some of the right traits in his life, he kind of had in one
29:54 area, but he didn't let it go to other areas.
29:57 So like, some of us are kind on Sundays, but then Mondays.
30:00 You know what I'm saying?
30:02 You know, we're good in one area, but we've got to sprinkle it through every area of our
30:08 lives.
30:09 You see, if David would have faced his family the way he faced the giants in his life, if
30:19 some of us would be as intentional, as diligent as we are on our jobs with those we love in
30:27 our family, if we would pay attention to our wives as hard as we studied for that degree
30:35 that got you that car and that home you live in.
30:40 My Bible says we are to live with our wives according to knowledge.
30:45 The Hebrew is literally you need to study your wives.
30:48 Why?
30:49 Because they're not easy.
30:53 You're not going to get them in a day.
30:55 But then you think you got them, then they change.
30:58 They just change.
30:59 They just change.
31:00 They just change on you.
31:01 They just shift.
31:02 They'll keep it fresh.
31:03 >> AUDIENCE MEMBER 3, 2.
31:04 >> Yes, sir.
31:05 It says study.
31:13 But I learned in my life, I not only study my wife, I study my children.
31:18 When my children would go out to parties, my wife would always hug them when they got
31:24 home.
31:25 And by the way, I wasn't the one who stayed up.
31:27 I went to sleep.
31:28 I'm like, that joker's going to have to figure this out.
31:31 Like if I get a call, I wake up.
31:36 I need Jesus.
31:40 But she hugged them.
31:42 You know why she hugged them?
31:43 To smell them.
31:44 Had nothing to do with affection.
31:50 Everything to do with wisdom.
31:54 When I come home, just joking, just joking.
31:58 First Sam is 17 foot.
31:59 It's going to be quick.
32:00 I'm going to wrap up in just a second.
32:04 Now David would have done, if he would have approached his family and ran to his family
32:10 the way he approached the giants in his life.
32:13 His life would have been very, very different.
32:15 First Sam is 17, 48.
32:18 So it was when the Philistine arose and came and drew near to meet David.
32:25 David hurried, one translation said ran.
32:28 Watch this.
32:29 Ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.
32:35 David, whenever he ran toward the battle, he always won.
32:42 But whenever he ran from and away from the battle, he'd lose.
32:49 And sometimes I know in my life I don't always feel like being outspoken.
32:53 I don't always feel like being the point person.
32:56 I don't always feel like having to deal with the hard issue.
33:01 But I've learned when I don't run to the problem and from the problem, I always lose.
33:11 And David was not a bad man.
33:13 You're not bad parents.
33:15 You love your children.
33:17 You love the people in your life.
33:19 But in certain areas he began to avoid the hard.
33:25 And I even know as a pastor when I start avoiding hard conversations, stuff starts happening
33:32 in the church.
33:34 And stuff that could have been corrected at this level, now I've got to deal with at that
33:38 level.
33:39 You hear what I'm saying?
33:41 And what I'm trying to impress upon you today is it's not about being a tough guy, trying
33:46 to be just hard-nosed.
33:48 It's about loving your children and loving those around you.
33:52 And if you don't deal with it at that level, it's just going to grow until...
33:57 You know, at one point you could have used your finger, but now you need a chainsaw.
34:00 Not only a chainsaw, you need ropes on the tree and all the rest of it to keep it from
34:04 breaking the fence in the house when it falls, because you let it grow so large.
34:09 And God don't want you to tear up your house and your fence and all the rest.
34:13 He wants you to deal with things while they are small.
34:21 Avoiding problems we need to face is really avoiding the life you need to have.
34:29 The only way to have the life God wants for you is to deal with some issues boldly.
34:37 Now I do want a few caveats here.
34:38 Don't go into your house like a cow or whatever in the China store.
34:44 Use wisdom and consideration and grace.
34:47 And sometimes though you've got to be firm, but deal with your issues.
34:51 Well, you know, this wouldn't happen if that external thing wouldn't happen.
34:55 No, that thing was already there.
34:57 The external thing just made it surface.
35:01 And I would rather deal with things before external things come to make me have to.
35:06 Do you understand what I'm saying?
35:09 Then David put his hand in his bag, and all I've been doing for two weeks now is filling
35:15 your bag.
35:17 You have seven stones.
35:19 You have things that can affect and impact your life.
35:23 Then David put his hand in his bag, and the problem is some people don't have any tools
35:27 in their toolbox.
35:28 They don't have any skills to reach down for to address situations.
35:32 So I'm not just trying to preach you happy, I'm trying to preach you wise.
35:42 And he took a stone, meaning it may not be all seven stones you even need.
35:46 It might just be one.
35:50 And he slung it.
35:52 He didn't just hear it, touch it, feel it, imagine what he could do.
35:56 He used it.
35:59 These principles today that I said, then we reviewed and went over, don't just hear them.
36:05 Don't even pick all seven, just pick one.
36:07 And say, "I'm going to apply it graciously, but I'm going to apply it firmly in my life.
36:14 I'm going to have a conversation with that child."
36:17 You know, and it doesn't necessarily mean, you know, "Come downstairs right now.
36:22 Sit at this table.
36:23 I'm going to talk to you."
36:24 It doesn't necessarily mean that.
36:27 I know with my sons, they're both different, and I have to approach them.
36:30 Particularly as they're older, I really have to approach them differently, because they're
36:34 wired differently.
36:35 DJ, I would talk to most of the times on the way to his basketball practices.
36:41 And DJ just liked to run shotgun too, so it was a little easier.
36:46 David, he liked to build stuff.
36:48 So whenever I went to Home Depot or Lowes or something, I'd put him in the car.
36:51 But what I would do is really strategic.
36:54 On the way, you know, we might listen to a little music for a second.
36:57 We bob our heads, but then we turn the music off.
37:00 And he's stuck with me until we get to where we go.
37:05 So he has to talk with me, and then we'll have a conversation.
37:10 And you do this over and over again.
37:12 Just have some moments where you're kind of stuck together.
37:16 Now they're grown now, so I can say these types of things.
37:18 I couldn't have preached this message 10 years ago, because then they would have avoided
37:21 all these things.
37:22 Oh, but now your kids are here.
37:24 Oops!
37:25 But anyway, they'll love you for it.
37:29 Be strategic, and wait for that teachable moment.
37:33 And sometimes in those conversations, it wasn't that I had a long speech.
37:37 It's I might just have a question, but then they'll have a million questions.
37:41 And then as I answer their question, it goes into another question.
37:44 Then suddenly we're at Lowes, and then we come walking down the aisles trying to find
37:48 what we find.
37:49 But then we're stuck in the car going back.
37:51 We could pick up on that conversation.
37:54 But you see, I had to make the investment.
37:55 I had to be intentional.
37:56 I had to be strategic about conversations with my children.
38:02 Thank God for the TV set, but the TV set makes it so we don't have to talk.
38:08 I've heard it said that going to the movies is the first worst date, because you don't
38:13 have to communicate.
38:14 Well, at least go out to dinner, then the movies so you can do some talking.
38:20 And maybe you don't have a whole lot to say on the first date, but hear what it's saying.
38:24 We let people live.
38:25 We watch people live their lives and watch people talk instead of us talk, instead of
38:29 us communicate, instead of us engage.
38:34 That's why even that first time that's part of the year we start turning off the TV set.
38:38 You're like, "That's it?
38:39 What type of church is that?"
38:41 Well, you're forced to talk.
38:43 You actually have to look at each other and have conversations, and you're not distracted
38:48 by it.
38:49 I don't even know what's on TV.
38:50 They use the name of stuff on there, but you're not distracted, and we need some time to make
38:56 time really, just to have some dialogue and conversations with one another.
39:05 And David took the stones.
39:06 He went into his toolbox, grabbed some tools.
39:09 The goal of this series was to give you some tools to make you stop avoiding stuff so you
39:14 can graciously address stuff.
39:16 And he popped the Philistine in the forehead.
39:19 Use these tools, and you will knock the devil down.
39:21 You will knock the devil out.
39:24 You will.
39:27 So that one stone sank into his forehead, and the giant fell on his face to the earth.
39:35 So again, don't just hear me today.
39:37 Don't just think about me today.
39:38 Think about what I said today.
39:40 Do it.
39:42 The only thing I ask as I wrap up is just as David ran toward his giant, make sure you
39:57 run home to the biggest being that has ever been, and you touch base with your Father
40:04 in Heaven before you try to address your children at home.
40:08 (Applause)
40:12 (Music)
40:18 (electronic music)