Death and dying is something most of us find hard to talk about. That's also true for Regina Ciriack, who is terminally ill. She's receiving care from a death doula — a trained end of life companion.
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00:00 One moment. Okay, I have to wear this for at least six hours a night.
00:07 The oxygen device gets on Regina Ziriak's nerves, but she's terminally ill with end-stage COPD, an incurable lung disease.
00:19 She has only 20% lung capacity and it's decreasing. Without the supplementary oxygen, she can hardly do anything.
00:27 Well, for me it's always stressful because I'm claustrophobic and when you have something constantly up against your face, it's unpleasant.
00:40 Regina wants to prepare for her own death, which is why Martina Bukac drops by once a week.
00:46 She's a volunteer for Malteser International. As an end-of-life companion, also called a death doula, she's already accompanied more than a dozen people.
00:55 The conversations ease Regina's fear of dying.
01:00 She's experienced it close up and talks about it, which gives me courage.
01:06 The topic itself isn't difficult. What's difficult is what people make of it. We can be very relaxed about it. We can talk about everything.
01:14 That's not possible with everyone, but with Regina it works wonderfully.
01:19 The two of them speak quite openly about the funeral, too.
01:24 I'd like to be scattered in the mountains. That would be important for me. And a big party, but not a death party, a life party.
01:31 All my friends should celebrate life and not death. That's what I'd want.
01:38 Martina did a nine-month training course with the Maltesers as an end-of-life companion.
01:43 There she learned to keep a professional distance. But with Regina that's not easy.
01:52 She's such a warm-hearted person, fully aware of her situation, but also so positive.
01:58 She gives me energy, though I've no idea where she gets it from. But it's just lovely.
02:07 Back at Regina's a few weeks later. She lives with her husband in an attic flat without a balcony in Berlin.
02:14 It's a huge effort to even get out of the door. Her husband helps her. It takes forever for them to make it down the three floors.
02:27 Regina can only walk short distances, but the trip to the bench in front of the house is a special occasion.
02:35 She's been married to her husband for 40 years and can rely on him and their two children.
02:41 But she can't talk about her death with them as openly and easily as with Martina.
02:46 Martina is already waiting in the kitchen. Today the question is whether Regina will soon be going to a hospice.
02:55 You know, I did say, if I'm still able to choose one, if I'm still together enough to make that choice myself, wonderful.
03:01 Others go on Sunday outings, but I say, let's go check out a hospice.
03:05 That's right.
03:09 A few months later, at the beginning of December, the outing takes place.
03:13 Regina's husband Wolfgang is supportive and accompanies her to the appointment, though he'd prefer her to stay at home.
03:20 But Regina has a mind of her own and it's all been talked through with Martina.
03:25 After several discussions, including with my Maltesa end-of-life companion, I decided it would be better if my family weren't as directly involved.
03:37 I don't think it would be so good for them to see their mother being carried out feet first.
03:47 Three months later, Regina is still at home, but she's moved into the more central living room.
03:53 Here's my new nursing bed. I've relocated.
04:05 Everything's a bit brighter, a bit friendlier. I can also have visitors here. Everything's wonderful.
04:16 And her husband's just a push of a button away.
04:24 This is my James Bell.
04:27 Her husband now works from home so that he can tend to her. They've put off the move to the hospice for now.
04:34 I've seen that she can still manage quite well at home if you help her.
04:40 And I'd rather have her here than being alone all day and only going to visit her.
04:47 I can also accept that I'm no longer treated as the husband, but as James, the servant.
04:56 You get pocket money, too.
04:58 About two weeks after this visit, Regina dies suddenly, as gently as she had wished for.
05:06 Martina Bukac wears a party outfit to Regina's farewell celebration, just as Regina had wished.
05:14 And the party, too, is also like Regina imagined it.
05:20 Loud, bustling, colorful. That's how we agreed it should be, and that's exactly how it's turned out.
05:29 And at Easter, the family fulfills Regina's last wish. They scatter her ashes in the Swiss mountains.