Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Headlines 2009_05_29
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01:10 Il y a une ad qui dit "As seen on TV" comme si cela le rendait légitime.
01:14 "Injured ? Call now this law firm. As seen on TV. Call now. The fact that the phone has no cord in it."
01:21 (Rires)
01:27 Hum... Je l'aime quand nos officiaux publiques pensent des choses.
01:30 "Former health commissioner questions decision to use pregnancy prevention funds for fireworks."
01:35 (Rires)
01:40 "Alright, look at this. This is the stupidest, most idiotic. You wonder why people die on our highways.
01:46 Look at this woman. Hair dryer, curling iron and coffee cup while you drive. Look at that.
01:52 Do your hair on the way to work. Save time."
01:55 (Rires)
02:00 "Here's something you don't want to miss. Total lunar eclipse will be broadcast live on now it's public radio."
02:05 (Rires)
02:07 "Whatever you do, do not stare directly at the radio."
02:12 (Rires)
02:17 "I love this one. Lawyers back despite use of bug sprays. There you go."
02:22 (Rires)
02:26 "Oh Kev, this is one of my all time favorites. It's very subtle. You have to look carefully."
02:30 "Alright."
02:31 "It says visit and you will find breaking news with the star. Now look at the house. There's a house on fire.
02:37 Look at the people in the window. Look. Hey, what's going on? Hey."
02:40 (Rires)
02:42 "It's all a noise. Hey, what's going on out there?"
02:45 (Rires)
02:50 "Hey, get away from the house."
02:52 (Rires)
02:57 "No more double chin. Tighten chin muscles. No one will know you're wearing it."
03:02 "Oh, look at that. I can't even tell she has that. Can you look at that? Look at that. That's an attractive look."
03:07 (Rires)
03:13 "Oh, poor President Bush. I'm going to miss him."
03:15 "Alright."
03:17 "Say 'ah' Bush to undergo colonoscopy."
03:19 (Rires)
03:27 "Welcome to the West Side, a church of Christ. Evangelist Roger Hillis. Morning service, preparing for marriage.
03:34 Evening service, a look at hell."
03:36 (Rires)
03:44 "Gab, I know you're kind of a connoisseur. You like to try new and exciting foods."
03:48 "I think you're going to enjoy this. Pearl's Korean Barbecue. Four pieces of mandu."
03:53 (Rires)
03:55 (Rires)
03:59 "Wow."
04:00 "Not sure what mandu is, but I'm going to pass."
04:02 "Four pieces."
04:04 "Four pieces."
04:05 (Rires)
04:07 "Rochester Police release robber sca-"
04:10 "This is where the public is invaluable."
04:12 "Alright."
04:13 "Because they can give police a concise description of what the man looks like.
04:16 Other citizens see him on the street, the man is brought to justice.
04:19 If you have seen this man, call police immediately."
04:22 (Rires)
04:23 "That's it. That is the sketch of the guy."
04:25 (Rires)
04:30 "Double carport, $895. Why is the car on the roof? I don't quite understand."
04:36 (Rires)
04:40 "You don't want to be the guy that found this out.
04:43 Chicken manure is not quite the cure for chapped lips. Really, it is."
04:46 (Rires)
04:47 "Hey! Hey!"
04:49 (Rires)
04:51 "Ducks on the pond. Despite posted government warning signs,
04:56 hundreds of ducks have flocked to the Ottawa River."
04:58 (Rires)
05:02 "The boldness of these ducks!"
05:04 (Rires)
05:07 "I love this one. Now, nothing funny. I'm just going to show you.
05:10 See, it says 'Barber Magic'. Look at the comb.
05:13 OK, memorize the comb. 'Barber Magic'.
05:15 See the man using it on his hair?
05:16 A distinguished looking gentleman, a little hint of grey.
05:19 How much is it? $12.99?
05:21 Look at that. 'Barber Magic'.
05:24 Saw this in another magazine. 'Trim a pet'.
05:27 (Rires)
05:32 Is that basically the same deal there?
05:34 What do you think, folks?
05:35 'Barber Magic', what do you think?
05:37 Yeah, I'm guessing it is. I'm guessing it is.
05:39 (Applause)
05:45 "A song for the Pope. A conductor leads a children's choir
05:49 in a performance for Pope John Paul II."
05:52 And look, the Pope is really enjoying it, isn't he?
05:54 (Rires)
06:00 Oh, you hate this. This is so sad.
06:02 "Fire destroys Go-Go Bar. Leaves four men homeless."
06:05 (Rires)
06:12 I'm sure this woman is a fine, fine doctor.
06:15 It's just the worst name for a clinic I've ever heard.
06:17 But I'm sure she's an excellent physician.
06:20 A-hole chiropractic.
06:22 (Rires)
06:31 Oh boy, what have we got here?
06:32 OK, you want to do weddings? OK, these are weddings.
06:35 (Applause)
06:39 I want to warn you, some of these are rude.
06:41 Some of them we couldn't do in years past.
06:43 But it's the last week, who cares?
06:45 (Rires)
06:46 If you don't mind rude, fine.
06:48 We'll start off with some easy ones.
06:50 There's the Flintstone wedding.
06:52 (Rires)
06:54 There's the Funky wedding.
06:56 (Rires)
06:58 There's the Broker Knuckles wedding.
07:01 (Rires)
07:03 OK, a little racer with the Bear Teats wedding.
07:06 (Rires)
07:10 Sawyer Heine!
07:12 (Rires)
07:15 Sawyer Heine.
07:17 (Rires)
07:19 Might want to see a doctor if you go to the Tool Burns wedding.
07:22 (Rires)
07:25 There's the Anus Biter wedding.
07:28 (Rires)
07:33 The Wide Hole wedding.
07:35 (Rires)
07:37 Go Down Gross wedding.
07:40 (Rires)
07:43 The Johnson Wacker wedding.
07:45 (Rires)
07:48 The Seaman Sample wedding.
07:51 (Rires)
07:54 The Cockman Dick...
07:56 (Rires)
07:57 And finally...
07:59 You can read that one.
08:01 All right, ladies and gentlemen.
08:03 (Rires)
08:04 C'est le moment de la fin du jeu !