Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:15Mom wait
00:00:25Danny can you get the plate?
00:00:30Hurry the asparagus is good. You're driving, right? I guess so
00:00:41You get the tickets I'll get the keys
00:00:47Want something? No I shouldn't
00:00:50Whatever's fine
00:00:59What is our Netflix password anyway, I literally tell you every day literally, huh?
00:01:04It's a figure of speech Joan the passwords go to the gym wake me up at 730
00:01:13So early
00:01:16You guys should just sleep on my own bed tonight, whatever you want
00:01:22No, it's okay
00:01:45You look cute
00:01:49What's that supposed to mean
00:01:51What you hesitated I didn't you look
00:01:59Cute that's what you said, okay, okay. I
00:02:04Still don't know about the bag. I don't know like it kind of wraps the whole thing together. I know
00:02:10But do you want to be carrying it the whole day? That's what I was thinking
00:02:16I
00:02:21Slugs like garbage
00:02:37Congratulations, thank you
00:02:39You're so sweet
00:02:43So, can you believe college is already over I mean life is like flying by I know
00:02:49Tell me about it
00:03:00Yeah, it'd be for a TV show a new show mom
00:03:09Excuse me
00:03:18Yo, Danny, oh shit Chris, I didn't know it's good man. Yeah
00:03:31Wow, you got some moves
00:03:33seasoned pro
00:03:35How long you can tell I?
00:03:38I'm just waiting to hear back from you some jobs and
00:03:50Been here for about a month
00:04:03Here she got like a some sick job in fashion like
00:04:06Yeah Bergdorf or something. Yeah, I heard she's an assistant
00:04:16So, do you still smoke a lot of pot
00:04:21What do you maybe have some here
00:04:36Maybe
00:05:07I
00:05:10Cannot believe you embarrass me in front of all my friends. They're not your friends mom
00:05:14There's just a bunch of rich white people from New Jersey. Oh, and what would you call yourself then Danny? I don't know
00:05:21Queer, I don't like that word
00:05:24We're reclaiming it. What did they teach you at that school? Anyway, have you ever heard of intersectionality?
00:05:33What
00:05:36I need a bag. I think I'm gonna throw up
00:05:50So George asked me out last night, mr. Rosenberg I
00:05:57Said no, he's just so skeevy. He asked me if hairdressing was a job or just a hobby
00:06:07I
00:06:08Got me thinking I
00:06:11Should really start dating again
00:06:14You know, your mom is quite a catch
00:06:20Is this because I puked on Tanya's begonias
00:06:24No, Danny. I've been feeling like this for a long time
00:06:29Ever since Sydney and I broke up
00:06:31Tim I know
00:06:33It was such a square
00:06:35He was the first man. I dated after your dad passed. I know
00:06:39I
00:06:42Just want someone who makes me smile
00:06:54Helping her bag. No mom. I mean this is wasting a lot of plastic. Where are the reusable bags?
00:06:59I got you here. We can just fit these in here. Thank you
00:07:05Sorry
00:07:12So are you gonna help me or you're just gonna sit on the computer all day
00:07:17Mom
00:07:21What are some of my long-term goals
00:07:24Excuse me. This guy on match is asking
00:07:28You're already on match. Yeah
00:07:31What aren't some of your long-term goals?
00:07:35Maybe
00:07:37Maybe a beach house. I can fuck with that Daniel
00:07:42Maybe I'm thinking too small. Oh, he's old
00:07:47Old like a fox is old silver
00:07:52He's a little short for me
00:07:56You should make an account no, I've done that I don't need to see any more dick pics. Thank you
00:08:01What anyways, I don't think dating will be that fruitful here, you know
00:08:05I mean, I'm only gonna be here for a few weeks tops. You could be here longer, you know, yeah
00:08:11Have fun
00:08:13Talking to Lionel the Lionheart at six to three
00:08:18Good God mom
00:08:31I
00:08:34I
00:08:36I
00:08:59My name is Magnus 27 looking for love and all the wrong places also my registered nurse
00:09:06My likes include compost stone fruit and and yeah
00:09:10My name is the wrong strength. I am 23 years old and Paris is burning
00:09:16Jamal 22 science major looking to create some chemistry also no blacks
00:09:23Steven 26 no fems alone. I do yoga every damn day Patrick 25
00:09:33Tobias 23 and we're looking for a force
00:09:36I
00:10:06Don't want the dogs to know I'm here. I can't believe you just leave them down there in the basement. You're allergic
00:10:14Sometimes pee everywhere. How was your morning?
00:10:20Did you get any writing done not really feeling kind of uninspired
00:10:25I feel like I need to get into a routine or something. That's an idea. I
00:10:31Cut Michelle's hair today
00:10:33She says they're looking for people great
00:10:38Well, you should reach out. I mean you need to find a way to make money
00:10:41I don't really remember the Dewey decimal system to be honest, and I have a job you do. Yes
00:10:48I'm just waiting for someone to pay me to do it
00:10:51Well, maybe if you spent more time writing and less time in front of the boob, too
00:11:03I
00:11:33I
00:11:39Know phones at the front desk, right? Sorry shelve these for me
00:11:44Oh
00:12:02Hey, hi
00:12:14I
00:12:20Been told that one of the biggest weaknesses that I have is that I can be
00:12:25something to play which is the
00:12:28great for the
00:12:30Sorry for the for the workplace. It's just like a part-time thing
00:12:34Just live in that high school aesthetic. I can like afford to exist
00:12:39Fill you my mom the librarian go way back
00:12:43Yeah, I've been interviewing for weeks
00:12:46Grind is killing me. Oh
00:12:49Wait, it's the blazer. I hate Skype interviews are so awkward. I'm better in the room, you know
00:12:55totes
00:12:57Hey, I don't think I have your number anymore. Oh, yeah
00:13:12Oh
00:13:31Hey Lisa, what are you guys doing? We are trying to find your mother a proper male escort
00:13:38Oh my gosh, she's a stalker. She's literally found their addresses everything their measurements. I don't doubt it
00:13:47Wait, oh, no, he's cute. He is father
00:13:51and
00:13:52He's a CEO
00:13:55Hello psychic and LinkedIn
00:13:58Wait, hold on. Let me just oh my god. Is that his Facebook page? Mm-hmm. And that's his
00:14:06Wife no daughter. Oh god. I'm out. No, honey. Stay with us drink with us. Mm-hmm
00:14:15No, one earring does not do it do two or forget it next
00:14:20No bowtie go
00:14:22He's cute. He's very cute. Oh
00:14:25Send him a message or a poke or a prick
00:14:28I
00:14:34Feel like maybe you should just wait for him to message you. Oh, wow, play it cool. Come on
00:14:40What happened to wild Lady Gaga Danny? When did you become?
00:14:44conservative Danny Duggar
00:14:46I'm just saying I feel like straight people are into gender roles or whatever
00:14:50well
00:14:51I'm saying break that rule break and butter that outdated sexist role and
00:14:56You are a catch and you should message him you'd be lucky to have you isn't that right Danny?
00:15:02I mean, isn't your mom's hole a total ace?
00:15:26I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do it. Yeah, hashtag feminism
00:15:46No, you are not too old and all this good by the way
00:15:49I love getting old the older you get the less and less you give a shit about anyone or anything
00:15:54clearly
00:15:56Alright look at that
00:16:01Nice to meet your virtual acquaintance
00:16:06Mom what I haven't met him yet. You cannot say that. Come on
00:16:21You're good, it's good I try
00:16:26Somebody sexting you
00:16:34Is it a fella fella, it's no one he's from LA. Oh, sorry. Excuse me, California. Is it your ex? No
00:16:44No
00:16:47Okay, it's Chris Chris isn't Chris Restrepo. Yeah
00:16:53But he was just at the party, how could he be in Los Angeles mom I was lying
00:16:59Is he even gay honey, it doesn't matter anymore as long as he has a huge dick
00:17:06Oh
00:17:12My god
00:17:18Lisa's a nutjob. I know I love it. She's already sent me three Facebook's today. She's like a spy
00:17:25I'm serious. I think she's enjoying this more than me even I mean, she has been married to the same man for 30 years
00:17:31She's probably pretty bored. I suppose
00:17:34So, what are you doing today?
00:17:38Big toes together just a little bit of space between your heels lower your hips lift your belly arms high
00:17:56There you are
00:17:59You're writing barely wanted to give the bitches some air
00:18:06Guess what? I
00:18:08Have a date tonight. Oh
00:18:11That's that's great
00:18:13With the CEO someone else
00:18:16That's exciting. I'm freaking out. What am I gonna wear? I
00:18:21feel frumpy
00:18:23That's because you wear loose things you gotta keep it tight
00:18:29Oh
00:18:30Here try this
00:18:33I'm so glad you're gay
00:18:35You know, I don't like that what?
00:18:38stereotypes
00:18:39Well if the heel fits
00:18:42I'll let you change
00:18:43What that was funny
00:18:55So
00:18:58Holy shit, you look like a mouth really I'd like a classy one. So I regret calling
00:19:07If for some reason I disappear
00:19:09His name is Chester Patterson and we're meeting at Branda's so you can start the search there mom
00:19:14I think if he was gonna murder you he'd use like an alias or something
00:19:21You're gonna be fine just go have fun
00:19:25Okay, okay
00:19:30I love you. I love you, too
00:19:43So who you find me from in these parts
00:19:48I don't even know. This is from a homie at school. I could hook you up with summer though
00:19:53I mean like he's kind of local. Oh, no, it's okay. I've gotten to a really bad habit of smoking like once a day
00:20:00maybe twice
00:20:05This is pretty dank, right?
00:20:15No, where are you done I
00:20:17Can't believe they're just like cooped up in here all day. I know
00:20:21But I got like
00:20:24Pretty allergic to them when I went away. Oh, dude, that sucks. Yeah, I feel bad but
00:20:30You know, they're like rabbit. Oh
00:20:34Man I love paying dogs when I'm high
00:20:37Oh
00:20:40Yo, dude, this is retro
00:20:45Yeah
00:20:47I
00:20:49Remember playing battlefront like all the time in eighth grade. It was so fire. Yeah fire
00:20:57So Star Wars is what made me want to make movies in the first place actually
00:21:02It's so cool that you're doing that really yeah, I
00:21:07Don't know. I mean, hopefully one day it'll be cool. I feel like right now. I'm just like
00:21:11floundering
00:21:13You working on something yeah a spec the script
00:21:19But hopefully that plus the TV job will get me into a writer's room. Yeah, that's sick. What's your script about? Oh
00:21:27I don't actually like to like talk about it. Don't done. Oh
00:21:32for sure
00:21:36It's a gay marriage movie called he said yes
00:21:39It's pretty stupid actually no, it's nice. I don't even want to get married
00:21:46Yeah, I
00:21:48Don't know. I mean, is it natural for two people to want to be together for the rest of their life? Oh
00:21:54Well, I mean my parents are still together
00:21:57There's an exception. I
00:22:01Mean, I don't know
00:22:02I guess I just feel guilty that I don't want to get married now that we like can
00:22:07And we fought so hard for it. No, I just feel like ambivalent about the whole situation
00:22:12word
00:22:14It's really cool you came out by the way
00:22:18What no, no, it's uh
00:22:22It's just a funny way of putting it. But thank you. I'm glad you think it's cool
00:22:29Was I ever really in is my question
00:22:34That's so true
00:22:36Oh
00:22:41Hi Chris Wallace, it's good to see you. What have you guys been up to?
00:22:48Anything so weird what's
00:22:56I'm gonna go. Yeah. I'll see you
00:23:06So
00:23:10How was your date marijuana under my roof
00:23:14really
00:23:15Our roof. Oh, are you paying rent now?
00:23:19Do you want me to start if you're gonna be a bum? Yeah, I
00:23:24Thought you came back to get away from that sort of thing. I know I'm sorry
00:23:29But like you do know that alcohol is much worse for you, right
00:23:35Stop buying into this Nancy Reagan bullshit and read an article for one I read
00:23:41Marijuana is illegal. Yeah, not everywhere. Well, you're not in California anymore. Yeah, no shit
00:23:52Why don't you air out the living room I don't feel like smelling your drugs you smoked outside
00:23:59Excuse me
00:24:00So the neighbors could see you
00:24:03No one saw us
00:24:06What would you rather be smoke in my room?
00:24:09your room
00:24:11You know what? Why don't you sleep there tonight if you're suddenly such a badass
00:24:15What I mean, we should probably get used to it. Anyway, it's not normal
00:24:23Funny thing isn't normal
00:24:25the patriarchy is normal and
00:24:29You know, my mattress hits my back. There's air freshener under the sink. I'm going to bed
00:24:39And he was really sweet
00:24:44You know, I had a good time so we'll see
00:24:59I
00:25:29I
00:25:32You horny
00:25:37Sure any more pics I
00:25:49Meant nudes dude. Yeah, I know
00:25:59I
00:26:24Like it
00:26:29So, what do you want to do to me fuck you
00:26:34Hard. Oh, yeah
00:26:36You want to meet up? You ever tried poppers? I
00:26:43Actually don't know what that is makes you loose. Oh
00:26:49Kind of sounds like a lot. It's cool. I
00:26:53promise I
00:26:55Don't even know who you are. So
00:26:59You're funny
00:27:01Man, I would fuck you so hard. We won't even need a condom. What? Oh god. Okay
00:27:09I'm not gonna have sex with you. Okay, but if you want to blow a job, let's meet up. That's it
00:27:13Yes, I don't even know where you've been man. And
00:27:17Honestly, I don't really want to have sex right now. I had a huge dinner
00:27:24Just a little ass play
00:27:29Okay, let me see that ass one more time
00:27:45What bend over
00:27:51Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's like a park around the corner if you just want to meet there
00:28:00So
00:28:06What's this guy's name again
00:28:08Chester
00:28:10Chester, yeah, it's not like a dog's name be nice
00:28:15He's nice
00:28:16He's nice
00:28:18So I guess it's back to the web then what?
00:28:22No
00:28:23Nice is good
00:28:25Why is nice bad? I
00:28:28Don't know I just feel like it's
00:28:30What you say when there's like nothing really else to say. Oh, no, I think nice is good nice and
00:28:37sweet and fun
00:28:41Are you sure you're not like
00:28:44settling I
00:28:46Don't think so
00:28:48We were there for almost an hour before we even ordered just talking
00:28:54He texted me. Good night, too
00:28:57Really yeah
00:29:01So, what's he doing
00:29:03He's in plastics and before you call him a blood-sucking demon. They're renewable. I mean it's corn
00:29:10Did you check his credentials?
00:29:13Lisa did oh
00:29:15And he's an artist
00:29:16He plays guitar in a band
00:29:19Stop it. What I thought you'd appreciate that. I do it's just
00:29:25Classic
00:29:26Anyway, I brought a bottle of wine to dinner. It's you know a BYOB place the best
00:29:31Mm-hmm. I didn't want to take your red, but all I had was a giant magnum of pinot. You didn't I did
00:29:39But I left it in the car by the time I remembered we were on to dessert
00:29:45He said we'd have to split the wine next time
00:29:48Next time. Yeah. Oh, maybe that's him
00:29:52It is I
00:29:54Sent him one of those picture thingies a video picture a gift
00:29:59Yeah, is that how it's pronounced? No one really knows
00:30:04What are you doing texting
00:30:07You can't respond right away
00:30:09You sent him three messages in a row mom. No, what?
00:30:14You gotta play the game
00:30:16game
00:30:17What came?
00:30:18Chester doesn't think like that
00:30:21You went on like a date with him. How do you know how he thinks?
00:30:28Here will you drive I don't want to text behind the wheel
00:30:40What's another way to say lol I think any younger friends
00:30:46Oh
00:30:48Don't like deserves it
00:30:50How did they meet some dating site? Actually, I was pretty sure like she would meet some duds at first
00:30:57But she kind of hit the jackpot
00:31:01Good for her
00:31:03Those are like really in right now. Yeah, I should make a profile
00:31:08Don't you have a boyfriend? I mean, I don't like exclusive or whatever
00:31:16What's your job search going are you like even looking
00:31:21Kind of I don't know basically waiting around for an email. So what did you like follow up with them?
00:31:29Of course, I literally wrote them a letter
00:31:32Wow
00:31:34But that was two weeks ago. So I don't know. I just don't wanna be annoying Danny. You need to take charge
00:31:41Cheryl Sandberg says it's important to like make yourself heard
00:31:45You're working girl. I'll drop you an email. It's really okay. No, seriously. It's like the least I can do if I were you I would die
00:32:16I
00:32:30Mean it's a gay club. Why do straight girls have to come in and ruin it girl?
00:32:34It's all about ratios a straight guy's got a better chance getting laid here than anywhere else
00:32:40Breeders are gross girl
00:32:42No, I don't do tobacco
00:32:44What about crack
00:33:14Oh
00:33:41Sorry
00:33:44Oh
00:33:58You're looking for a threesome not particularly tease
00:34:14You
00:34:38Danny
00:34:40I'd like you to meet Chester
00:34:42Hey, hey, nice to meet you. Your mom's told me a lot about you
00:34:47likewise, I mean
00:34:49not a lot, but
00:34:51Yeah, how about that? I don't know anything about you. In fact, who are you? Are you related?
00:34:57Depends on his mood actually
00:35:02So, how is the city I find not too memorable
00:35:06How's Tom you doing good
00:35:10Well, she's kind of a cunt
00:35:12Daniel
00:35:13Yes, you just met him and you're saying that sorry. I am like a feminist
00:35:20Oh, it's fine. Sailor talks a full notch above small talk
00:35:24Argue, all right. Wait, I said the sailors not pirates
00:35:31What
00:35:35So what are you guys doing today
00:36:05Oh
00:36:32My gosh, sorry didn't mean to sneak up on you, okay
00:36:36So your mom
00:36:39Says you're quite the yogi. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I
00:36:44Tried yoga once I could barely touch my toes same. Yeah when I started that was the same for me, too
00:36:52So
00:37:02So, did you need something in the kitchen no, I
00:37:05Yeah, I mean yes it did I a towel oh, yeah totally well we oh, yeah
00:37:12Sorry, no this fine
00:37:17Hi boys
00:37:19Hey
00:37:21We are thinking about grilling later you want to join us, uh, I actually have a date
00:37:29Really, you know, it's not a big deal. I'm not that into him, but he's cute. So
00:37:35You see you dark
00:37:37What?
00:37:39However, you would say it I think your mom what you date darker guys
00:37:47He's Filipino see you have a tanky, okay, but I feel like having a type is racist low-key
00:37:56Anyway, I'm gonna go get ready
00:38:00Nice chat
00:38:16Hi
00:38:22It's under Wallace for two, sorry, I'm late it's here
00:38:47Hey, I hurt my foot what I hurt my foot so I can't come sorry. Oh
00:38:56That's SRY
00:39:17You
00:39:32Laura told me you work in advertising
00:39:35How did you get into that? I graduated with a degree in marketing
00:39:39Start working with my father's company right out of college. So that's how you made the transition from school mascot
00:39:46Oh
00:39:52Danny how'd it go?
00:39:57It was good
00:40:01What's wrong I'm just I'm just tired I'm fine
00:40:12We were watching a movie
00:40:15Chester and I and I
00:40:21I
00:40:23Mean I was feeling good
00:40:27For the first time in a long while. I
00:40:31mean really good and
00:40:34I
00:40:37Just started thinking about daddy and I got so guilty
00:40:44Mean that's his couch
00:40:51And Chester noticed and
00:40:55He noticed that I was acting weird and I didn't know what to do and I panicked and
00:41:03Told him I was tired and asked him to leave I thought I was ready to start dating again
00:41:15You know, I'll never love anyone as much as daddy right
00:41:27So does this mean you don't wanna see Chester anymore I
00:41:32Don't know I
00:41:36Mean no, no, I'm just throwing myself a little pity party
00:41:41Do you like him? Yes. Yeah
00:41:46You know takes me a while to warm up to anyone
00:41:51He's great
00:41:54He is great
00:41:56How was your date
00:42:00It was good
00:42:04He was nice, uh-huh
00:42:07He was nice, uh-huh nice
00:42:14He paid so
00:42:18Well, at least you went out
00:42:22How do you decide who pays
00:42:25No, no, it's not really assumed
00:42:29He offered some
00:42:32Interesting
00:42:37Okay, mom
00:42:40I'm gonna hit the hay. I'll be up in a little bit
00:42:44Sleeping in my room now. Remember I know I was just saying
00:42:50good
00:43:06I
00:43:36Don't know
00:43:40Yo
00:43:44Send me the number of that guy you were talking about feeling a little blocked
00:43:49Sorry, dude, yeah, my my homie from school is down the shore actually Oh
00:43:59The only thing is he's in high school, ah
00:44:03That's embarrassing
00:44:05Yeah
00:44:14That's Norman's house
00:44:28Yo, what the fuck my mom's here I had to run run the back
00:44:33Oh
00:44:35So, uh, I'll be trying to drive away or no man, it's just totally chill I just don't want to watch it
00:44:41for sure
00:44:43All right. Um, this is my friend Danny Danny. What's up, man? Boom
00:44:52This guy's chill
00:44:55So how much you want oh
00:44:57Uh, I don't know I was thinking maybe you could just roll me like three joints
00:45:03Don't we roll you three joints?
00:45:05Yeah, I'm trying to cut back and don't have a ball at home sucks, man. You could always make an apple pie
00:45:13Not a child. I was kidding. I used to blaze like that every day in seventh grade. Oh, do you have to?
00:45:21Like do that in here. My mom has just like a really heightened sense of smell
00:45:25I'll be such a pussy dude. That's like kind of sexist. I
00:45:34Love this guy. That's sexist
00:45:38So how much
00:45:4140 bucks 40 bucks for three joints. That's fair. I
00:45:47Miss California
00:45:50I
00:45:52Mean I go ahead and put that on a list of personal low points for me, dude. I know
00:45:57The all the old dealers are in rehab or whatever. This town's so fucking dry. How old is that kid?
00:46:0415 I think Jesus
00:46:08So I guess some food or something
00:46:11Fine I could actually go for some diner food
00:46:14How many times can I be high at the diner? Oh, so is that a no? No
00:46:20DVD oh
00:46:22Fuck that producer producer
00:46:26That show Oh, what does it say?
00:46:49Oh
00:46:51Oh
00:46:53Oh
00:47:17These are doing about two weeks and you can just leave it in the box outside. It's usually easier than talking to people
00:47:23Oh
00:47:28Hey everything, okay. Yeah
00:47:53Wow, thank you, of course I
00:47:59Can tell you so special really
00:48:03Yes, you deserve to be happy rich. Thank you
00:48:09You should get that TV job right you so qualified
00:48:14Come to Los Angeles with me. I give you all the money that you need to make your dreams come true. That's
00:48:21Thank you
00:48:23But now lean back. Let me give you the best blood job of your life. I mean, okay
00:48:33Sorry
00:48:37Is everything all right you seem a little off today I do yeah, I quit what oh
00:48:45Did you get that TV job? Oh, that's great. Your mom was telling me how much you wanted that. No, I didn't get the TV job
00:48:52I'm sorry. Don't be I'm moving back to California. Yeah. Oh
00:48:58Yeah
00:49:00Yes
00:49:02Hey, this is Danny, I don't know why I'm leaving a voicemail but I have like a pretty crazy idea so call me back
00:49:17One minute
00:49:21Oh
00:49:28Hi, I'm going right back to work. I just wanted to check in
00:49:35I
00:49:37Patch things up with Chester. I explained why I was so weird the other night and
00:49:43He said he's always here if I need to talk. That's sweet
00:49:48I
00:49:50Said window open. It's a nice day. It's hot
00:49:55You're burning candles mom. So the show in New York's been staffed. Oh
00:50:01Honey, no, it's fine. It's fine
00:50:05Because I think I'm gonna go back to LA actually
00:50:11You are
00:50:13Yeah, I mean I've been getting so anxious to get back there and there's I mean nothing here for me so I
00:50:22mean you're here, but
00:50:25Right, right and I've been looking into couchsurfing because I'm gonna be road tripping with Chris I
00:50:35See yeah, I mean he's totally down and he's unemployed too. So hmm
00:50:43In whose car my car
00:50:46So I can have it out there. That's my car
00:50:49Mom, it was my car when I lived there and you need a car in LA you can ask, you know
00:50:54Okay, can I have it? Well, actually I was thinking about selling it
00:50:59When were you gonna tell me that?
00:51:05If you think this is the best thing to do then I support you always
00:51:10Thanks, I mean emotionally I can't help you out there. It's it's too expensive. I I know mom
00:51:22A place to stay. Yes with Patricia like we discussed Patricia my college roommate. Oh, right. Sorry
00:51:30I'm gonna stay with her family for a little bit until we find a place
00:51:36Do you even have a job out in California? No
00:51:41Mom can you stop pressuring me? Okay, I'm doing it enough myself. I'll freelance or drive a fucking uber. I don't care
00:51:48Okay, I have to go I am suffocating here. I know
00:51:54I'm just gonna miss you. Well, you can always move out there with me
00:52:03There better be no pot on this trip Daniel no pit stops in Colorado
00:52:08Mom no, of course not
00:52:38I
00:53:08I
00:53:38I
00:53:58Where's your mother
00:54:08So
00:54:09I'm on um
00:54:11one of those dating sites looking around at the dating sites for your mom kind of and um, I
00:54:17see a
00:54:19Profile and it looks familiar, but it's fuzzy. And so I
00:54:27Click on it and
00:54:29It's Jeff
00:54:32And I'm not surprised because he's a fucking asshole and a pathological liar
00:54:38Do you have any idea how many men have asked me out and hit on me over the years just guys
00:54:46Yes
00:54:47Say a number
00:54:4915 a lot have and I you know, what's I never slept with them because one of us is
00:54:56a decent human being right to
00:55:01And then you get fucked is he's a liar and people don't change it I knew that
00:55:06Yeah, people don't change Lisa everything, okay
00:55:23Yeah, I
00:55:28Feel like we could do the trip in like four or five days max
00:55:31sounds dope and
00:55:33And like I think we could just drive straight through the Middle States, you know
00:55:37I mean, I've been to Kansas before and I don't really know what it has to offer other than like
00:55:42Farmland and windmills. I want to see Red Rocks. Colorado is a spot. We gotta crash there for a few days. Yeah
00:55:50I've got a few homies there. So
00:55:53You want a beer?
00:55:55Or wine that
00:55:58Red ideally, yeah, actually I can have a beer. Yeah, I mean you have a lemon
00:56:07I'm kidding
00:56:10That's probably the dudes
00:56:21Sorry, what are you guys doing these days? I hate this question, but I literally have no idea. Yeah just working
00:56:27Really? Yeah, I'm an analyst in I bank
00:56:33Yeah, I'm training I just started this week congrats Danny, what do you do? Oh just some film stuff
00:56:45Recently I just applied to this this TV job in the city, but it didn't really work out. So I'm commuting there now
00:56:52Man, don't get me started. Yeah, but I can't afford to pay rent in the city yet and rents fucking ridiculous
00:56:57Yeah, but it's such a long drive and it's like a four-hour trek. Yeah long like my dick
00:57:08Can't believe all you guys have jobs now, you know, it's kind of what happens after college, right?
00:57:15Yeah, but I mean like I don't have a job and you guys were all slackers in high school so
00:57:27Danny and I actually are going on a road trip. Oh, no shit. Where'd you L fucking a dude? That's sick
00:57:34I just got back from a road trip myself. Oh, yeah. Yeah
00:57:37Yeah, I hit up all the National Parks my dad and me we started down south and then we went all the way up to
00:57:42Wyoming we hiked like every day
00:57:44It really gave me some perspective
00:57:58You are making an ass out of yourself
00:58:01You need to just go home
00:58:04So just go out there
00:58:07Say you need to go
00:58:28They went to a party I just felt like staying in that's cool you
00:58:32Yeah for sure. I
00:58:35Think my parents fell asleep when I'm smoking the hot tub
00:58:39Yeah
00:58:44So, have you ever been to Los Angeles
00:58:48once I
00:58:50saw most of Hollywood
00:58:52the pier
00:58:54It's cool. I
00:58:56Just I
00:58:59Don't really know if like I could live there. Yeah. Yeah, there's so many different neighborhoods. It's hard to like get a feel for it
00:59:05or whatever
00:59:07But we have to go to Los Feliz
00:59:10There are so many good brunch places and so many good stores and then there's the Festa. Ah
00:59:16I'm getting so excited
00:59:18Sorry, yeah, no do not be sorry
00:59:21We're gonna remember this trip for like
00:59:23The rest of our lives, you know that right like that time that we road tripped across the country, right?
00:59:31And I'm gonna stop smoking when I get there. I'm just gonna follow the dream
00:59:36We don't have to smoke right now if you don't want it. Oh god. No, we're in New Jersey. What else?
00:59:44You never really smoked in high school or drink now that I think of it
00:59:49Yeah
00:59:51Because I was usually pretty worried that I would come out or something or say something like super gay
00:59:57But it was never really because I was above it
01:00:03Was it hard like being in the closet for so long
01:00:07No, I mean
01:00:10Not really. I was always pretty secure
01:00:14Okay, that's not totally true I mean middle school was hard
01:00:19But that's because everyone's the worst in middle school. I was the worst. I
01:00:23Hated my braces. Yeah, and I wore so much Hollister. Oh so much Hollister
01:00:29The girls the girls were such bitches in middle school
01:00:33God, can you imagine being that age right now with Instagram and snapchat and all that shit?
01:00:39I mean, they're literally competing for likes. Yeah, but I bet the guys get so many nudes now. I would have loved that
01:00:47You were such a burn. Yep still am
01:00:54Hold up, it's hot
01:01:16I
01:01:40Really do gotta hit up the gym again, though
01:01:46I mean, it kind of looks like
01:01:53Love good, that's a really cute cuz all I fucking do is eat
01:01:58Like thank God for my metabolism, right? Yeah. Well, it'll never be faster
01:02:03Oh
01:02:19No
01:02:21I'm not game. No, I know
01:02:24I'm of course, you know, I'm sorry. Yeah
01:02:29I thought we were friends, right? No, we are
01:02:33We are friends
01:02:34to
01:02:36To Danny, I'm sorry
01:02:43Maybe I should go
01:02:48Yeah
01:02:55I'm really sorry. I
01:02:57Don't know why I
01:03:00Fucking hate gay guys that do that shit and I'm one of them and I don't even like you so I
01:03:06mean, I like you, but I don't like like you like that and
01:03:10The hands are so fucking tight so
01:03:15Fuck
01:03:18Yeah, sorry, yeah
01:03:27Oh
01:03:29Oh
01:03:57Sorry
01:04:00What I
01:04:02Just got off the phone with Chester. Guess what?
01:04:06We said those three little words I
01:04:09Love you. I
01:04:12Of course wish it wasn't over the phone
01:04:15But I called him after Lisa left and we got to talking and it just sort of happened
01:04:20Can you believe it? I'm in love
01:04:26You don't look very happy
01:04:29I mean
01:04:32You just met this guy
01:04:35We've been dating for over a month
01:04:38Exactly. I
01:04:42Mean I'm happy for you, but
01:04:46Don't you just think that this is just a little naive
01:04:51Excuse me, I
01:04:52Don't know mom
01:04:53I think that you probably just forgot what it's like to have butterflies in your stomach and you're mistaking that for love
01:04:59Don't condescend Daniel. I hate when you do that. I'm not condescending. I'm looking out for you
01:05:04I don't want you to get hurt. Okay puppy. Love is one thing mom. Love love is something completely different
01:05:10I know that maybe you would too if you got off your high horse and gave someone a chance. Oh, okay
01:05:17Sure. Let me just pick from the plethora of gay men that exist in this town. I
01:05:22Didn't go to my prom mom don't make this a gay thing a gay thing you always make it a gay thing
01:05:29You are so lucky that it is so black and white for you. Oh, you think it's easy to hating at 50
01:05:36Are you kidding me? It has been so easy for you this entire time
01:05:41It's easy for every straight person
01:05:44He buys you dinner and then you put out and I know that I'm white and I'm privileged and blessed
01:05:49but sometimes I want to put out I don't put out and
01:05:54Sometimes I pay and we haven't even had sex yet. And you're saying I love you
01:06:00mom, ooh
01:06:02You're fucking delusional. Why can't you just admit that you're gonna be alone?
01:06:14Sorry
01:06:17What's the matter with you Danny
01:06:19Are you high?
01:06:21Right now drunk. I had a drink. Did you drive?
01:06:26I'm 23
01:06:29Come here
01:06:32You are high you could have killed yourself or worse someone innocent
01:06:40What is wrong with you, where's your stash whatever the fuck you call it, where's the pot
01:06:47Oh
01:06:55Yeah, I may be delusional but at least I'm fucking trying
01:07:16I
01:07:46I
01:08:02You want a bag or you just enjoying the smell
01:08:07It's an empty bed, all right, I
01:08:11Think that's yours, too
01:08:13I
01:08:16Hate that part
01:08:20You know what I do I just fling it into the woods after
01:08:25You what? Yeah. No, I don't want to stinking up my garage
01:08:28So I just I make sure no one's looking and I just fucking fling it into the woods
01:08:34All right. Well close your eyes. Oh, no. Okay. They're closed. Oh
01:08:39Happy New Year hoppa
01:08:42Doesn't that feel good? Yeah
01:08:46Well, you seem like you're doing much better yeah, yeah, no I am it's okay, you know, I am I
01:08:54I
01:08:56Kicked him out
01:08:58You know for real. Yeah good for you. Yeah, he keeps leaving shit on my porch
01:09:04Mm-hmm. I mean not like poop shit, but like, you know
01:09:09Flowers and
01:09:11Cards and pastries and I just fucking fling him into the woods
01:09:17Except the pastries. Yeah, gotta keep those
01:09:20What about you I want you seeing that fella Chris Oh
01:09:25Turns out he's straight
01:09:27Hate straight men hate him me too. I'm sorry. I'm so glad
01:09:32We're gonna go on a road trip to LA and then I jumped his bones and he really wasn't into it. So
01:09:38So
01:09:40What is they got there that they don't have here I
01:09:44Don't know the industry other gay people we have gay people
01:09:51Hey gay people come out
01:09:54Have someone I want you to meet
01:09:56They're in all the basements. Yeah
01:09:59And what do you do in the industry? I write I want to I want to write movies and movies
01:10:04Yeah, and you can't do that here
01:10:07Well, I gave it a shot and it didn't really work out so Oh
01:10:12Bad writing I
01:10:16Guess I'm just not really disciplined here
01:10:21You can be disciplined like homeless on Hollywood Boulevard having to pay for everything yourself, it's not gonna change
01:10:27I mean get your shit together here. You gotta get a roof over your head. You got free food good food
01:10:33You had a fucking car. You gotta just follow your dream, right? You're only 23 once. Thank God. I
01:10:40Mean don't ask me. I'm the wrong one to ask if I could have done what I wanted at 23
01:10:45Really my passion
01:10:48You gotta think about it and you know, I know your mom would be thrilled she loves you around
01:11:03All your exes were there
01:11:09I'm it's not talk with them one at a time
01:11:15Well, I searched the room and they tried not to
01:11:28Hello, what's all this?
01:11:33So
01:11:35I know that this doesn't make up for anything
01:11:40But major favorite chicken
01:11:46Almond crusted I
01:11:50Mean it's the only thing I know how to make so
01:11:53Yeah
01:11:57I
01:11:59Want you to know that I know what a shit I've been
01:12:06And that I really appreciate everything that you do for me
01:12:12And I'm so sorry
01:12:16And I think that I actually want to stay that's okay
01:12:23Cleaned
01:12:29What
01:12:32You said last night really hurt my feelings I know
01:12:37And I'm so sorry
01:12:41You're gonna have to start paying rent a little rent, okay
01:12:47There and I'm gonna need some more help around the house to pay for the car
01:12:54So does this mean I can stay oh honey, of course you can stay
01:13:00You could have really hurt yourself, I don't know what I do without you it hurts just thinking about it
01:13:11You are so smart
01:13:16And so creative
01:13:19You're gonna do amazing things Oh
01:13:22Oh
01:13:27Good
01:13:41It may be a little dry to be honest
01:13:44But there is ketchup and stuff in the fridge. No, Danny. This is great. Just great
01:13:51You're here. Oh, thank you
01:13:55Chester would you like something more than water beer a little blow?
01:14:05Danny I'm okay. I think my liver needs a little break. Good idea
01:14:20You
01:14:50You
01:15:21I
01:15:26Sorry, I'm late I am had to take like my bike this is the writers group, right?
01:15:36I'm sorry, Connie. You were saying the differences between women
01:15:43I
01:15:46I
01:15:48Like your murse, oh
01:15:50Thank you
01:15:52You know, I really liked your story. Actually. I was I want to tell you that it's super funny
01:15:56It's the first time I can probably honestly say that I've chortled you chortled
01:16:00I don't know. Did you clean it up all over? Oh god. I'm Danny. I'm Richard
01:16:07Are do you plan on coming back next week?
01:16:10Yeah, I think so. I'm still kind of getting used to the
01:16:14Share as you write thing, but it's cool. Yeah
01:16:17I mean, I like it it takes a second to get into it
01:16:19But I like it because it really keeps you focused, you know, and it's sort of the point. Yes. Oh, no
01:16:25It was already like oh no, no, I'm a mess this is this is a been like that for a while
01:16:30Just save the cash could drop it all the time, right?
01:16:34But it still works, I mean I'm not taking as many selfies
01:16:39But you can still get someone's number if you met someone I mean
01:16:43For writing purposes. Yeah, of course for writing purposes. Yeah
01:16:49Do I how would I give you mine? Sure. Okay. Yeah, okay
01:16:55Okay, never when you need it, okay, oh and there we go here wait, you're you're gay, right
01:17:06Okay, yeah
01:17:09I
01:17:12Need a fucking haircut
01:17:15You do the fade thing you always do that, but it's my signature look I just need a trim
01:17:35I'm here
01:17:38Okay, you guys we can talk about how cute I look we're just not acknowledge the elephant in the room. Oh my god
01:17:44Oh, I'm someone pressed the hot and handsome buttons
01:17:49Thank you
01:17:50So what's this kids name again?
01:17:53Richard Richard
01:17:56One man's Richards another man's dick
01:18:06Sure
01:18:09Have you heard the snort laugh yeah, I am several times it stop it charming. It's cute
01:18:20Don't get up, okay
01:18:30So what else do you do besides right? Um, well I work at a magazine in the city. Oh, yeah
01:18:36Yeah, well, I run the social for it and we just launched which one architectural digest. I
01:18:42Follow them on Instagram. I
01:18:45Run the Instagram
01:18:47Amazing. Yeah, amazing. Wow
01:18:52What about you
01:18:54Well, I'm currently trying to figure out how to pay the bills or even have them
01:19:00But I'm writing a script. Oh, right. Yeah, this is the thing you tell me about mother son
01:19:05So they're both single and they're online dating and it's kind of autobiographical
01:19:12Yeah, like a cute mess though, yeah, hopefully are you about ready to order I'm sorry, I haven't even looked the menu yet
01:19:19Yeah, me neither. Take your time. Thank you
01:19:25Yeah
01:19:28All right, please email me the draft, you know when you're when you feel ready I would love that
01:19:32Yeah, I really would and I'll send you mine as well. Obviously. Yeah, and
01:19:37Thanks for walking me to the garage. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if you would have made it. Yeah, I don't know by yourself
01:19:44You're a gentleman sorry
01:19:49And I'll drive next time, okay, sounds good. Okay. All right. Catch you later
01:20:03Oh, honey, sorry your mattress came, okay. Wait, don't get up
01:20:18How was it
01:20:23Yay
01:20:26Did he pay I did actually
01:20:29With what money? I have a credit card and I walk dogs. Hmm
01:20:36Huh?
01:20:39Me too. Good night. Oh, yeah. Love you, too
01:20:47Hey, you all right, by the way, this is good
01:20:50Hmm nice is good
01:21:04Yes
01:21:09Sometimes you gotta try something different
01:21:14See what's on the other side
01:21:21The world is on the side tonight
01:21:26Maybe I've been hiding away
01:21:30from
01:21:33To
01:21:50I
01:22:20I've been gone too long
01:22:26Searching for a sign, but now I know
01:22:33The best things come in life when you let go
01:22:39Now
01:22:41Take it day by day
01:22:44No one
01:22:50Hey
01:22:54Maybe I've been hiding away
01:23:13It's Robin downtown
01:23:21I've ever been
01:23:44Lift off my shoulder
01:23:50You