227. How To Make a Bad Cooking Tutorial
Category
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CreativityTranscript
00:00 Hello, it's Wednesday!
00:03 [music]
00:06 A couple weeks ago I was really hungry and I saw that we had some food so I decided to throw it all together
00:11 and I came up with the Alexa's Amazing Choco Balls or something. I really don't have a name for them.
00:16 But...
00:17 [Alexa's amazing choco balls]
00:19 So I brought his butt.
00:21 You're charming.
00:22 Mm-hmm.
00:23 I hope the entire internet knows how charming you are.
00:25 They do.
00:26 I am attractive.
00:28 Modesty runs in the family.
00:30 How am I not dating anyone?
00:31 Today I'm going to teach you how to make my...
00:33 To set the kitchen on fire.
00:34 Yes.
00:35 I will teach you how to set the kitchen on fire today.
00:37 But first, if you're thinking this is going to be a super well edited, really exciting, fun cooking tutorial,
00:43 I just want you to take your expectations and just lower them.
00:47 Just keep lowering them.
00:49 Lower?
00:50 Yeah, lower. I think you need to go a bit lower.
00:52 But, once your expectations are lowered sufficiently,
00:55 you'll need some meltable chocolate, some pretzels, some peanut butter, some caramel, and a spoon and a bowl.
01:06 Step number one, take the chocolate and pour it into the bowl.
01:09 Now you put it in the microwave and melt it for like a minute.
01:13 The chocolate will now still kind of be like this, so you just need to mix it up and, you know, spread the love.
01:19 Maverick just asked me how videos on the internet work.
01:22 But if you think about it, like, how can something capture moving images, convey them to someone else, all while playing sound?
01:31 How does it play sound? How does it capture sound?
01:33 I don't know. I don't know how cameras work, but...
01:37 I mean, it's not something I'm particularly scared to find out, but it's interesting.
01:41 It's interesting to think about, not to find out.
01:47 Once your chocolate is thoroughly melted, you need to take the peanut butter and just scoop out a nice little glob and mix that in there.
01:56 It looks like sewage.
01:58 Just wait 'til you add the caramel. It looks nasty.
02:01 It already looks nasty.
02:03 It looks nastier. It gets all, like, congealed, which is, like, my least favorite word in the world.
02:08 Mine's supple.
02:09 Supple?
02:10 Supple.
02:11 Supple.
02:12 Supple breasts.
02:14 And moist.
02:16 Moist doesn't bother me that much.
02:18 Her moisture.
02:20 Your mom's moisture.
02:23 Ew.
02:24 Once the peanut butter is mixed in with the chocolate, time to take some caramel and just...
02:29 Oh, that's a lot of caramel. Whatever. Just put some caramel in there.
02:33 I don't really have exact measurements, but now you want to stir.
02:38 I'm going to pee.
02:39 See, look at how the consistency...
02:41 I'm rubbing off on you.
02:43 The pee is different than poop.
02:45 I think it's baby steps. You get the... I'll have you talk about your defecation.
02:51 You will not hear me ever talk about my defecation. Ever.
02:54 You just did.
02:55 I didn't. I was referring not to my defecation, but the fact that I won't ever talk about it.
03:02 It's, like, a good subject, though.
03:04 For who?
03:05 Me.
03:06 Rest of us.
03:08 Poop is fun to talk about, guys.
03:11 I'm just going to rename this video "How to Make a Shitty Cooking Tutorial."
03:16 Okay, well, anyway, you're going to take the pretzels and just crumple them up.
03:20 You want to make them pretty tiny, but not too tiny.
03:24 Like... this size is good.
03:28 Now, once you have all the pretzels in here, you just kind of got to spread it around.
03:33 This bag of pretzels describes itself as "crunchy, tasty, and bursting with irresistible flavor."
03:38 Don't know if that's how I describe pretzels.
03:40 Once it is all mixed together nicely, just kind of scoop it out.
03:44 Put it into little...
03:46 Once you have everything on the plates, open up your fridge and put them in here.
03:55 And I just let them stay in here until they get hard.
03:58 With them, that normally takes, like, an hour or something.
04:01 Here's a picture of me in a stupid hat.
04:03 Sorry, I know this probably wasn't the most interesting video to watch, but I was super hungry when I got home,
04:08 so I figured this would be a quick and easy way to kill two birds with one stone.
04:11 So I did it, and I am excited to eat those later.
04:14 But I've been doing well, and I hope all of you guys are doing great.
04:19 And Sarah and I am upset that we didn't get to hang out, but hopefully next time.
04:22 Sometime soon.
04:23 But, Jossie, I shall see you tomorrow.
04:26 Hope you guys have a good week.