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00:00:00You
00:00:1797 won the ticket Valenia and Foster big game tomorrow T
00:00:21Downtown your Lions take on the mighty Packers in what's sure to be another disappointing Thanksgiving Day
00:00:27Come on, man. You can't say that I could say it because I'm not Helen Keller, but who cares what I think
00:00:32Let's go to the people
00:00:35Boys tomorrow's Thanksgiving and let me just tell you I got a lot to be thankful for
00:00:40But god damn it. It all starts with you guys. So if you'll indulge me for just a moment this rounds on me
00:00:48Charlie P
00:00:49Never come across someone who inspires optimism the way you do
00:00:53Even though the Lions haven't want to play a half game in a couple of decades
00:00:56You still bet your entire paycheck every September that they're gonna win it all this year is their year
00:01:02I can feel it stop right there in my opinion. They got a fistful of rings based on your support alone
00:01:10America's guest good times are bad. You're always there
00:01:14Right there and that very stool to lend an ear
00:01:16I don't think I've ever worked a shift that you haven't been here for so. Thank you
00:01:22For being someone that I could depend on and Earl
00:01:28No matter how bad the economy gets you're always looking for a better job, I'm so proud to say, okay, okay, okay enough
00:01:35I can't deal with this anymore. Are we at the same fucking bar? This dummies a degenerate gambler with debts all over town
00:01:42You know why they call him America's guest cuz I don't think he's ever paid for a drink in his life
00:01:47And Earl's not looking through the classifieds for a job he's looking for an escort what do I mean when she speaks Greek?
00:01:56Anal for a fee, of course. Oh shit. I got a credit card. I pay for it. I won't get to play it, baby
00:02:02We got good benefits
00:02:05Why you gotta do that, huh? Why can't you just see the good in people? Yeah, why don't you do that?
00:02:10Oh, yeah
00:02:12Because while everyone's busy blowing sunshine up society's collective ass it is my job to speak the truth
00:02:17I think it's your job to be an asshole. You may be right CP. Sure. He's violent crass. Maybe even a little psychotic
00:02:24Yes, he's an asshole, but he's a lovable asshole. We're going with this and ever since our freshman year at st
00:02:30Jude's he's been there for me. What happened? These four senior football players tried to jump me what they come to you for
00:02:36Look at him. I don't know whether to save him or pile on with some initiation thing
00:02:40They were trying to stuff me into a trash can Brad came from out of nowhere tackled two of them
00:02:45They let go of me. They kicked his ass instead
00:02:53For that 300-pound lineman they had sit on me Brad. He just finished a 14-year career with Buffalo. It's no excuse
00:03:00Anyway asshole aside. He's our asshole
00:03:03Because he's got it where it counts
00:03:05And I'm proud to call this guy right here
00:03:08My best friend
00:03:10I
00:03:17Was it was really great?
00:03:19Okay, seriously the fuck's gotten into you truth be told
00:03:22I finally put together enough scratch to put a down payment on a condo and I'm gonna ask Michelle to move in with me
00:03:29No, no, don't start that shit. You're not the bad just Brad
00:03:32What was our motto senior year?
00:03:35Kill those motherfuckers, no
00:03:37The time is now and the time is now buddy
00:03:42She's the one yeah, but Kev. I'm telling you this you never stop worrying about me for once, please
00:03:49Let's talk about you. What about that therapist? It's not therapy. Okay. It's a fucking support group get it, right?
00:03:54Okay. Well, how's it going with that? It's fine, I guess
00:03:58Look, I know I have a problem
00:04:00I'm a happily married man yet
00:04:02I'm stricken with this great burden of being arguably the horniest man alive and I found with a lot of
00:04:09Consultation that I can look at other women. There's nothing wrong with that nor should there be that's right, man
00:04:14I think what I can't wrap my fucking head around is why a handjob is considered cheating
00:04:18Because she got a gag ball in the mouth and she's squealing. Oh
00:04:22Boy, I mean take Tigers for example king of the fucking jungle. That's Lions, but okay
00:04:27Do they not fuck whomever they want?
00:04:29Jesus Christ Rach, are you ready? Yeah
00:04:35Have another yep
00:04:37No, my limit boys. Look I gotta go what I love each and every one of you
00:04:43Thank you, and happy Thanksgiving guys
00:04:46No, no, no, this isn't over buddy
00:04:49Jeff
00:04:50Come on
00:04:52Hey, man, I'll get you that money next week, it's a holiday take an extra day
00:04:57The fuck you staring at you dirty Mick
00:05:00You're seeing a break. Fuck you. I'm not seeing a shrink
00:05:06It is a so it is a support group. Did you have to get on the little couch?
00:05:14Happy Thanksgiving to you
00:05:27I'm not dreaming away
00:05:33I'm not fantasizing
00:05:37There's that thing that's for sure
00:05:41That very look on that face
00:05:45They call it into the show
00:05:49Call it there's only one
00:05:51I
00:06:05She makes me
00:06:11One last time
00:06:21No
00:06:51I
00:07:21I
00:07:31Call Michelle Politelle
00:07:33Call no, no cancel cancel
00:07:37Call Michelle mobile Bob hard sell
00:07:40Calling no, no
00:07:42Cancel make up your mind. Fuck you
00:07:47Michelle calling
00:07:51If I wanted to talk to you I would have answered silly text me Oh and follow me on insta and remember Michelle loves ya
00:08:21I
00:08:51I
00:09:21I
00:09:51I
00:10:21Oh
00:10:41What's up, bro
00:10:51Oh
00:11:03First degree arson, what are you 14 years old? I caught Michelle cheating on me. Oh
00:11:13So that's why you lit a trash can on fire
00:11:16Was looking at a class-one felony if that trash hadn't burned itself, huh? Oh, he's sorry officer
00:11:22Guys always been a mess when it comes to the ladies
00:11:24I tried to tell him she was no good, but his nuts fell off as I spoke
00:11:27Yeah, well, there ain't nothing wrong with a little sensitivity. We all go through that
00:11:33My ex left me
00:11:35For a team six seal back, you know for I cried like a bitch for three days
00:11:41Lost 15 pounds and listen to sad music for a year
00:11:46It must have been tough fighting crime with a broken heart
00:11:49You have no idea. Hey a sign here
00:11:55Good news is that life gets better
00:11:58One day you wake up and then suddenly that pink's gone, you know
00:12:02Then you wonder why you cared in the first place. Let's get you out of here. I can't watch a cop cry
00:12:16How could she do this to us
00:12:19We were so happy
00:12:22Where did it all go wrong dogs a big nut should have to wear underwear
00:12:26dude
00:12:30Are you even listening to me? I've been listening to you all day
00:12:34Look, I know you're going through some shit right now, but I promise you're not gonna feel this way forever
00:12:38It sure as hell feels like it
00:12:40You need to go out and you know lay a couple of fours and fives and you know work your way back up
00:12:44As if that's gonna solve anything I may not solve anything
00:12:47But it sure will feel good emotionless sex with less attractive women than Michelle is gonna make me feel better
00:12:51I don't think so. Oh, are you kidding me? It's very liberating. You could treat him like farm animals
00:12:57They got all your aggression on them. What do you think fours and fives are for? Yeah, I'm not into that
00:13:01I don't know what farming
00:13:03So Brad Kev, you guys need anything else?
00:13:06Incidentally Gus, I'd like a saganaki. Yeah, the princess. Yeah
00:13:10Yeah, I thought Zeke you back there
00:13:13Maybe I should call. Yeah. Okay two four what to ask her how the sex was
00:13:19Jeff
00:13:21listen
00:13:22We've known each other forever and you know how much I love you
00:13:24So you understand when I tell you and Michelle was a fucking piece of shit from day one and today you got a front-row
00:13:30seat to prove it. Yeah, I
00:13:33Guess you're right
00:13:36How could I not have seen this coming you may not have seen it coming
00:13:39But you sure saw it when it came didn't you dude does everything you say have to be so crass
00:13:43truth hurts pal
00:13:45Jesus, you can't save you until you die. So until then you should continue to listen to me
00:13:52Tomorrow's a new day clean slate. It'll be fine. I promise
00:14:09I
00:14:39I
00:15:09I'm so sorry to do this, but I won't be able to do our Thanksgiving tonight when they came up and
00:15:16I've got a babysit the neighbor's dog. So let's see each other tomorrow
00:15:30All right, bro, since you're buying loose 10 or 15 pounds anyway, you might as well take advantage of it
00:15:39Yeah, Brad, I need you
00:16:03Great spot, of course
00:16:05I
00:16:07Didn't sleep last night. Yeah, I
00:16:11guess
00:16:13Lisa was in your bed and not the cop shop. Thanks for that
00:16:18I've been thinking about our conversation last night and I
00:16:22Really think it'd help the healing process if you started to meet some women. I told you
00:16:26Can't think about that shit right now
00:16:30Kim I get it. Okay, but look take her for instance
00:16:34She's kind of a dumpy broad, but you know, I bet she'd be fun. No, thanks. No, thanks. What I never said marry her
00:16:41She's probably dying again late. Yeah. Well, I'm not
00:16:48There she is that's like an Irish setter who says that
00:16:54Amber time
00:16:55Well, no, man, you good. I'm great man break anybody in half today. Yeah, you know I do
00:17:01Hey, it's my buddy Kevin by that Kevin. This is the hammer. Nice to meet you. Yeah. Yeah
00:17:10All right, good to see you baby. Happy Thanksgiving. Hey you too you too Calvin. Let's get yeah
00:17:18It's a guy like an MMA fighter or something neighborhood pharmacist, well, then why do they call him the hammer?
00:17:23She's a dick's bigger than your arm
00:17:31So
00:17:36How's Liz doing
00:17:38Liz is good. She's at home right now fisting in Turkey
00:17:42She's awesome
00:17:44You really hit the jackpot
00:17:48So, what are you doing today
00:17:51Nothing, I mean, why don't you come over to my place?
00:17:53Thanks, but I'm good what come on. I'm just just not in the mood. You're not in the mood
00:18:00You rather spend Thanksgiving alone in your apartment beating off with tears in your eyes, and it's your best friend's house
00:18:04I don't think that I'd be much fun right now. Kevin. You like haven't been much fun in a couple of years. Just come over
00:18:11All right, I'll think about it
00:18:18Come on
00:18:21Come on you want some smoothie? Just come over
00:18:27Come over all right, all right, I'll come
00:18:35Thank you
00:18:37Oh
00:18:48That's the ticket
00:18:51Hi, how's the gym?
00:18:54Jim was good. Yeah
00:18:57Honey yes, honey. Could you give me one second? Hey now to get my hand out of this turkey's ass. That's my girl
00:19:07All right, guess who's coming to dinner Sidney potier
00:19:11No, who the fuck is that?
00:19:14Really Brad
00:19:15Kevin I invited Oh fun. Oh, that's good. I haven't seen Kevin and Michelle in a while. That's great
00:19:20Yeah, unless she's coming with somebody else. She won't be attending they broke up
00:19:24Sort of she cheated. He saw it. He's crushed
00:19:28When did this happen?
00:19:30yesterday midday, oh
00:19:34My god, that's terrible. Yeah
00:19:37What a fucking slut
00:19:39Love it when you talk. Oh my god. Well, I'm glad you invited him. He shouldn't be alone right now
00:19:44Uncle Bruce and aunt mark and Larry and Margaret will be here and you know, I'll have a good time. Yeah, um in other news
00:19:52Could you do it for me Brad I don't have time for this just please I don't have time for this
00:19:57I'm in the middle race
00:19:58It's once a year
00:20:07Did it
00:20:37I
00:21:07Can't
00:21:37Oh
00:22:07Oh
00:22:37We're shoppers
00:23:07I
00:23:37I
00:23:39Think it's get better, you know
00:23:41Excuse me, but we grip on the flowers your slouch posture your head hanging low. It screams heartbreak
00:23:51That obvious huh? You might as well be carrying around a jar with your nuts in it. I
00:23:58Could take you over here
00:24:01Thanks, yeah, okay think about it nice hang in there. Thanks. It's gonna be all right. Here we go
00:24:10ID please
00:24:16Thank you Kevin
00:24:20So any exciting plans for we stole your land day
00:24:26Just go to my friend's house. It sounds fun
00:24:30flowers for the lady I assume
00:24:33No, never assume actually really hi no, no, they're for my friend's wife. Oh, yeah, that's I'm not I
00:24:42Mean a handsome guy like you come in here looking at me. How about you two Queens exchange numbers and move on?
00:24:48I got places to be easy sons of anarchy. We are finishing up
00:24:541995
00:25:00One change keep it
00:25:09There's such a bitch sometimes Harvey, I'm a bitch. Yes, you're a bitch
00:25:13What happened to you last night? You were supposed to call me at 8 o'clock and you did my phone died. Sorry
00:25:19I told you not to call me Harvey in public. It's beast beast
00:25:24I'm not a princess
00:25:30Oh
00:25:46We're we're so glad you came
00:25:53Yes, oh they're beautiful, thank you, thank you so much
00:26:01So
00:26:03What now
00:26:04Well, it's Thanksgiving. So let's go in the kitchen act like we're helping out Liz. She'll kick us out
00:26:09We watching the game in no time. Huh? Sounds good. Um, hey
00:26:12So I was thinking about calling Michelle, you know, maybe she just had a bad moment a
00:26:17Bad moment you call getting popped in the ass on the same couch. You two used to cuddle on a bad moment
00:26:25I'm sorry, you're right
00:26:28Larry Margaret should be here any minute. Who's Margaret girl? He's been banging says he really likes her
00:26:35Yeah
00:26:37Good friend
00:26:38Good for him. Don't give me that gloomy gush shit. Come on, man
00:26:41A lot of guys are killed to be in your position right now
00:26:44What seeing their girlfriend bent over with another guy right? No, I'm talking about being good-looking single and living in America
00:26:58So nice to meet you, thank you so much for having me you have such a lovely
00:27:11I will be right there. Do you have any idea what would have happened if this shit went down in Qatar?
00:27:16You'd be riding through the desert right now in tears on the back of your camel
00:27:19She'd be getting stoned to death in the town square. Hey
00:27:23What's up, bro? Good to see you Brad
00:27:26Yeah, hey Kev, how you doing man, I'm good
00:27:32I'm okay, man. You know you sure about that man. Your energy feels a little off
00:27:38I'm all right. His girl got midday cock from another man, but he's on the mend. Oh
00:27:42In the middle of the day, so sorry
00:27:46Let's talk about something else. Oh
00:27:49Oh
00:27:51This is
00:27:53Margaret
00:27:54Margaret, this is Brad and Kevin. It is so nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you. So handsome
00:28:02It's so debonair
00:28:04It's really nice to meet you, too
00:28:06You
00:28:13Did someone say gobble-gobble I think you've gobbled enough cute Brad, thank you for having us. Hey Bradley, where's Liz?
00:28:19I want to show her something with the turkey, but I saw on the chew this morning
00:28:22It was you stop it not even here a minute. He's already trying to change things
00:28:37Hey, all right out of my kitchen
00:28:59Okay, who wants to say grace I'll do it Wow nobody's that quick on the draw
00:29:04She loves to say great. It's true. Thank you. I used to always say grace for dinner back in Iowa
00:29:12Iowa no kidding. All right, let's go grace it up
00:29:27Dear Lord
00:29:29We gather here today
00:29:31grateful
00:29:33grateful for love and life and
00:29:36nature
00:29:38thank you for protecting us and and keeping us safe from
00:29:43criminals and diseases and
00:29:46For giving us the gift of our sexuality
00:29:50You're fucking kidding me. I want to thank you on a personal note for Larry. I
00:29:56Love him so much
00:29:58And I can't wait to show him just how much again
00:30:01Later on tonight
00:30:15Um, I want to thank you for Liz and Brad
00:30:19If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have left the house this week
00:30:22and for Bruce and Mark
00:30:26Even though they're gay
00:30:28They are so sweet
00:30:30And that's all we can ask for nowadays and thank you for Kevin
00:30:38He seems nice in the Lord's name we pray
00:30:48Yeah, that was really something pass the fucking beans
00:31:00Oh
00:31:30My favorite movie
00:32:00Oh
00:32:24Could you put a little more corn pudding on there
00:32:26Unbelievable you straight guys eat as much as you want us gay boys are always watching our figures
00:32:35Guess size doesn't matter to us, right?
00:32:50Hug the wall sweetie
00:32:52So Lara
00:32:54When did you guys meet a couple of weeks ago actually Wow, that's fast. What can I say man? She's great
00:33:02I mean when I first met Margaret I
00:33:05Just knew
00:33:08Knew what?
00:33:10You're beautiful
00:33:13You're capable
00:33:16You're sexy sure seems so family-oriented
00:33:25I mean, she's gonna make a great mom one of these days. I
00:33:35Wouldn't make love to both of you
00:33:44Not nothing
00:33:54Good for you. Oh you were this shit
00:33:57You never know Kev. I mean things may end up working out between you and your ex
00:34:02Yeah
00:34:03Yeah, you never know. Listen motherfucker. It's over. What?
00:34:08No, he's right
00:34:10It's pretty over. Oh
00:34:12Baby, there are women lined up around the block for a handsome guy like you
00:34:17men, too
00:34:19Okay
00:34:20Yeah
00:34:22What is it with you guys Lord handsome when exactly did things go wrong we asked for her phone number
00:34:28It's called a one-night stand for a reason
00:34:37My ex posted nude pics of me on my slutty ex org. Oh my god, really everyone's gonna see you
00:34:44Thank you. It's not a big deal. It's just my boobs. That's the spirit. Yeah. Yeah, I'm proud of my breasts
00:34:49You should be here's to them they're a supple reminder of my sexuality
00:35:01Thank you for that
00:35:03Margaret would you like more wine? Oh
00:35:08Okay, well I'll get I'll get dessert
00:35:19And it's Franco DJ Smith in the middle
00:35:27Same old lines this game sucks. Yeah, I can't even remember the last time the Lions actually won on Thanksgiving
00:35:33Hey, man, mine's on Thanksgiving is tradition
00:35:37Traditional losing let's do shots. No, you see that now we're talking. Yeah, I don't really think that I Kevin
00:35:44so
00:35:46What's your poison do you have Jaeger? Let me rephrase that would you prefer whiskey or tequila?
00:35:56Tequila makes her crazy
00:35:59Kind of figured that
00:36:01anyway
00:36:03What was the name of that website again? You were featured on my slutty ex dot work. Yeah
00:36:09Let's drink to that
00:36:16I didn't need that. Oh, it's a party now
00:36:20So, uh, how exactly did your pics end up on that site? Anyhow? Oh, my ex knee. He's he had some topless pictures
00:36:27Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What the fuck is his name? He see
00:36:31Your ex is a Canadian
00:36:33No, he's not from Canada. He's black Wow Blair, you know about this. I mean, I've seen you naked, bro
00:36:39Following that act must be like throwing a baseball bat into a closet
00:36:43No, dude, it's not at all, okay
00:36:46Well since we're on the topic, are there any other minorities you've been with that?
00:36:49We should know about chin landscapers and dude Kevin
00:36:52They've only been together for a couple of weeks Laird deserves to know you are so racist. I'm not racist
00:36:57Okay, I hit everyone equally. He's just joking baby. Yeah, I'm just playing. I'm sorry
00:37:03Okay
00:37:04Say so
00:37:06Good moving on. I bet you two have weird sex. Oh, yes, we do
00:37:12I love it when you make me squirt
00:37:17Let's talk about that. Oh
00:37:20You would not believe it. You'd be amazed at what the fuck I could believe I can squirt ten yards
00:37:25Yeah, I think I'm gonna go sit the fuck down Kevin. Okay, that's bullshit. You can't squirt ten yards
00:37:30I can't I can start ten yards. No, you cannot squirt ten yards. I can
00:37:35Ten yards, that's a first down. You can't squirt a first down. I can't
00:37:40Tell him
00:37:44What baby I'm on your side well then tell him
00:37:49It goes pretty far yeah, but Laird, come on, okay, we're not talking about 13 inches here. This is fourth and long
00:37:55I'll show you. Yeah. No, I don't think that's
00:37:58You are letting this asshole make fun of me. You're making me look like a fucking liar, baby, babe. Yeah
00:38:04I'm sorry guys
00:38:06She's just really sensitive about this stuff. Don't be sorry, man
00:38:09It's all right. She's just expressing herself at all
00:38:14So we're gonna do this bag of blow or what you like that blow I knew it
00:38:25Where's the blow
00:38:28Yeah, wait up
00:38:29You all right, bro. Look, I'm sorry, man. She just gets a little out of hand when she gets going
00:38:34Hey, never ever apologize for a special gift like that. Okay. She's just a free spirit
00:38:39That's all like a fucking unicorn. You think so? I know so. I don't know man. I haven't known her that long
00:38:45I just well doesn't take much
00:38:54You're right man get in there you're right be a fucking athlete let's do this
00:38:58I need you to be right now here. I come baby
00:39:01Baby
00:39:08What did you say to you that's not important
00:39:13This is gonna be awesome
00:39:16You are one of a kind Lizzie. I'm gonna need to get this pumpkin pie recipe from you
00:39:20Oh, I'll email it to your mom. Tell me how to make it so good
00:39:24By the way, what is the deal with that Kevin? So handsome such a downer. Yeah lighten up. It's not that bad
00:39:32He's just going through a tough time. Yeah, I can see that but get over it. Yes
00:39:39I'm sure with a little help from his friends. He'll be fine
00:39:44Anyways, I wonder what they're up to
00:39:54Come on Larry be an athlete
00:39:58Oh
00:40:02I think I'm gonna go. No way. You need to see this. Come on, baby. I want my first down
00:40:07I'm trying I'm trying man. He usually doesn't take this long. We'll get you shit together. All right
00:40:13I don't want to put you half-time for Kevin. Shut up. Sorry. Sorry man too much
00:40:20Give me some encouragement. Come on, you can do it guys
00:40:24Dude, look how pink it is
00:40:27I think I should be leaving. No, you shouldn't be leaving. We're not fucking done till we move the chains
00:40:43What's wrong with you we don't have time to get
00:40:56Oh
00:41:09They're fine, they're just watching the game must be a good one
00:41:15She's a little kooky, right I
00:41:17Didn't notice
00:41:19She's got gout in her vagina
00:41:21Stop it. Well, she is disgusting
00:41:24Let's be clear. Oh, you know, she blew an 8-ball in your bathroom
00:41:27What do you mean? Stop it? You don't see it up in her nose
00:41:31Okay, by the way, I'm glad I'm the only one that noticed that are you high?
00:41:36Stop it. She's stop squashing me Bruce. You're always squashing me in front of your niece. It's like not fair that she thinks I'm
00:41:45Do you need more wine? Oh, no, I think I'm good. I'm the grape
00:41:51Was she in the fucking circus? That was awesome
00:42:01Where is she dead? Oh, no just takes a lot out of her. Oh, I gotta get Liz on this program. Yeah open up
00:42:12See we make it
00:42:15First down, baby
00:42:18I'm going home now
00:42:20What you can't leave now
00:42:23Put me in coach. See she's just getting started
00:42:26Brad I'm soaked in cum
00:42:30I'm going home to shower
00:42:36Margaret
00:42:38You're a very talented woman
00:42:40Wow, it's been really good to see you too Kev next time keep your head up man
00:42:47Where's he going? Yeah, just got a little shaken up on the plane. Don't worry about it
00:42:51He'll jog it right off where you guys are welcome to spend the night here for that matter
00:42:55You can stay here for the rest of your fucking lives. Thanks, man
00:43:02Look I'm sorry you got sprayed. Okay. I thought she was talking shit. I didn't actually think she could do it
00:43:07Yeah, neither did I but clearly she can and she did it all over me and I'm a little emotional about it
00:43:12Look, dude, I get it. Okay. I know it's somewhat degrading when someone comes in your face
00:43:16But society's changed straight guys got to take it on the chin once in a while, too
00:43:19Oh, you're pathetic tell Liz I said, thank you. I'll see you tomorrow Kevin. Wait, wait
00:43:25Okay. Hey
00:43:29What do you say we go back to your place get you changed up and go paint the town for a little bit I've seen
00:43:33enough painting for one night
00:43:35Kev look at me. I need this as badly as you do. How so
00:43:43Because one more night of Bravo and girl talk will listen the queers and I'm gonna start wishing death on people again
00:43:56All right, all right fine, you're not gonna regret this
00:44:06I
00:44:14Wish I was Liz just one so I could teach him a lesson me too so he could teach me one
00:44:24Kev's in bad shape
00:44:25Okay
00:44:26I think seeing you and I and Margaret and Larry and Bobby and Clyde over there got him down a little bit
00:44:32So look, I was just thinking maybe I could take him out for a little while just to cheer him up, you know
00:44:36You are ridiculous. Shouldn't you be with your family? I'm with my family every day
00:44:41Okay, he's my best friend and I want to make sure that I'm there for him in his time of need
00:44:45I can't send him home with his head down like this. It won't be a late night. I promise
00:44:50But what about Larry and Margaret? Oh, they're all fucked up
00:44:54I think the trip to faint in the turkey got to him a little bit. I think they're in for the night
00:44:59really
00:45:02Yeah, okay. Okay. Yeah, just don't make it a late night. I promise you I won't
00:45:19Where are you going?
00:45:21Just taking Kevin out for a bit. Can we go? Yeah, that's a great idea. You guys never hang out
00:45:28Really
00:45:29Why not?
00:45:30Yeah, why not? Cuz we're gonna go do you know guys shit. You probably wouldn't be into it need
00:45:36I remind you I played three years varsity football you did. Yes. I was a tight end
00:45:42How did I know you were gonna say that?
00:45:57I
00:46:28Graduated you of them some of whom Lottie few of them just had a first IUD ain't trying to have bird by obt
00:46:35Louie bag biggest shit rule area boat ricks nigga need to cut nigga need to get chained up
00:46:41She's so
00:46:53Strict join our homeless shelter. It's like they hate clothes
00:46:59Hi, I'm Sasha you boys want to party
00:47:04Maybe if your name was Kyle or Steve. Sorry, sweetheart, sweetie
00:47:09We're in a bigger hands and hair your chest so
00:47:23Hey Kayla
00:47:26How's school going? Oh, I knew physics was gonna be so tough. I would have stuck to engineering
00:47:32Hey, yeah
00:47:33You get a chance. I got a heartbreak over here
00:47:37Oh, baby, I got you
00:47:55Rodney baby
00:47:58Look at this guy. How you doing, baby?
00:48:01Hey, this is my boy Kevin nice to meet you a first time here
00:48:06Yeah, I can tell you got shock and all written all over your face. Have a seat boys
00:48:15So any new talent here got his new box of rocks right here
00:48:22My name's destiny, of course, her name's destiny. She's fucking hot
00:48:27Yeah, I
00:48:29Don't like the way a pussy set up though. What we set up?
00:48:40I give you money all the time
00:48:43Oh
00:49:00What brings you boys in tonight shouldn't you be in a home with your families eating turkey and shit
00:49:05Yeah, we did that already. Yeah
00:49:07Kevin he's been going through a little heartbreak
00:49:10Sorry to hear that what happened, but
00:49:13Not much
00:49:15Taking a break Oh break
00:49:18buddy, but
00:49:19Bitches don't take breaks
00:49:21You seem like a nice quiet well-behaved man, but let me give you a little bit of advice
00:49:25you
00:49:27You saying those cars and flowers and candy and shit, right? Yeah, of course you do and that's alright, but
00:49:34Just remember the end of every day bitches don't want to be held and cuddling cuddling should know what they want
00:49:40It's a motherfucking salami
00:49:45Thanks, right don't mention Kelly
00:49:51You bring my boys some boots I got shit to do in the office. Oh, here's a pile of ones
00:49:58Spend every last one of you boys. Enjoy
00:50:06It's all about
00:50:09You
00:50:16So we're gonna tell everyone my business all day today
00:50:19You bitching about okay, give you the best advice you've heard all day. Oh what send Michelle a salami great advice. Hey, Brad
00:50:29Why for Kevin four shots, you got it down
00:50:35Can
00:50:38You at least try to pretend like you're having a fucking good time this place is a riot
00:50:42How frequently do you come here? Everyone knows your name? Yeah, but Cheers
00:50:50Hey
00:50:52Now
00:51:03What are we t-balling right now Andy Cohn Andy Cohn Andy Cohn and Andy
00:51:10He's my Jewess sister from another mister
00:51:13I
00:51:17Would love that I think that's a great honey you tell about your housewives
00:51:44All right, man up bitch, here's the Larry and Margaret
00:51:54So something reminds you of the life
00:52:13Oh
00:52:43You say
00:53:13Oh
00:53:26To the kiss of a man and a demon you're mine
00:53:30Don't be afraid of the thing. It'll make you go out of control
00:53:35You're evil I'll get you to hell and hell, you know
00:53:44Oh
00:53:48Fuck you loser you fucking come back here
00:53:54Take it easy cap
00:54:01Are you okay?
00:54:02So sorry, what was the shots?
00:54:06No, it wasn't. Well, well, maybe it wasn't that girl put her tits in my face. Okay, look
00:54:12Yeah, I was thinking about Michelle and I saw oh, come on are you fucking serious what do you think that I did it on
00:54:17purpose
00:54:19All right. Look maybe bringing you here wasn't a good idea
00:54:23Better let me come back, dude. You're right. I'm sure they will
00:54:26Oh
00:54:37Lovely evening, where the fuck you guys going ice cream
00:54:56You can't get laid here there's definitely something wrong with you
00:55:02You know
00:55:04What are you Christian mingle? Can't we just hang out? No, but don't friend find it
00:55:08Okay, look maybe getting laid setting the bar a little high for today. Why don't we start out with a phone number? Yeah, so
00:55:14There they are
00:55:17The one with the helmet next to the fire hydrant
00:55:20Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know
00:55:23I don't know. I don't know
00:55:26I
00:55:28Don't need any help really
00:55:31Kevin I've taken down a four to help a friend get a seven in the past and god damn it. I'd do it again
00:55:38That's me
00:55:42Unless her man wouldn't go on for the seven
00:55:56I
00:56:09Friends are a piece of work sure
00:56:12It's all right. My friend's a total slut. So I'm sure you won't offend her really
00:56:16Well that ought to keep them occupied for a little bit and what trying to get you laid, huh?
00:56:21That's why I'm here
00:56:23Come on, let's get out of here
00:56:27I
00:56:30Relax I'm kidding. I only fuck girls
00:56:34Really who are you?
00:56:37They call me Mel
00:56:39So anyway, it's got you so down
00:56:42Look, no, I'd rather not you'd rather not my dick. It's written all over your face
00:56:46Besides your friend said your head's been up your ass since some bitch broke your heart
00:56:50Said all that, huh? Yeah
00:56:54So what happened
00:56:56I showed up to her place around noon and instead of my usual warm embrace. I caught her with another guy
00:57:02Whoa, okay, that's pretty fucked up
00:57:06How long are you guys together two years?
00:57:10She fucked you on the first date
00:57:14What did you expect
00:57:15Look Kevin, you seem like a really nice guy and there's nothing wrong with that. So she's fucking other people right now. It's fine
00:57:23Sometimes that's just the way people like to get down
00:57:26That's supposed to make me feel better because it's not no
00:57:28It's supposed to make you realize that you can't count on people to live up to your expectations because they never will
00:57:34Your ex knows you're a nice guy
00:57:35And if she were interested in that you'd be at home face deep in her crotch right now instead of standing here talking to some
00:57:40dyke
00:57:42Brad write that speech for you
00:57:44Your friend's a bitch. He just doesn't know it yet
00:57:48Just be you it all works out in the end
00:57:52Hey, let's go this guy is such an asshole nice talking to you same here
00:58:02What did you say to her
00:58:04Nothing, I tried to compliment her on her setup, you know, like Rod shit backfired. You told them my business
00:58:09What are you talking about? You told them about Michelle?
00:58:13Dude, I'm just trying to get you involved. It's fine girls. Love that shit. They eat it up. No, it's not fine
00:58:18You've been pulling this shit all day and I'm fucking tired of it. What the fuck did she say to you?
00:58:23What didn't she say to me? She was like the lesbian Yoda. Oh, man, would you relax stop fucking being a loser?
00:58:28I'm the loser. You're the loser
00:58:29You got the most amazing wife at home who fucking loves you yet you parade around this place like you're single
00:58:35Hey, I may talk a lot of shit, but I have never once crossed the line
00:58:39This is even about me man. Okay today has been unbelievable. And while we've all been out having fun, you've been MIA
00:58:46I'm at good Michelle cheated on you because you're a pussy
00:58:52Fuck you. You're a fucking scumbag. Oh, yeah, fuck you. You know what go find your crazy bitch ex-girlfriend good
00:58:58Maybe I will yeah, go maybe she'll give you a sympathy fuck. Then what?
00:59:02Don't start that shit in here. Oh, yeah
00:59:05You're all talk bitch
00:59:16Yeah, you rock me up
00:59:19Just to take me down down down down down down
00:59:31That's wrong
00:59:34What's good tonight with chicken
00:59:38Fuck is the matter with you
00:59:46Hey
01:00:12Hey stranger
01:00:14Hey
01:00:18You don't remember me am I supposed to Samantha class of 98
01:00:30Oh my god, hey
01:00:33You look amazing
01:00:36Thanks, so do you thank you
01:00:41you know, I
01:00:43Had the biggest crush on you since like sophomore year
01:00:50How could I have been so blind
01:00:53Who cares? All right
01:00:56Who cares?
01:00:59Anyway, what do you say we get out of here and catch up? Oh
01:01:08I'd love to but um
01:01:10Get this little problem here
01:01:14I don't care
01:01:36Fuck it. My wife hasn't been that into me lately anyway
01:01:44Fuck you think you are, huh? No
01:01:49Just fuck another guy in the middle of the day, huh?
01:01:51You think you can fuck another guy in the middle of the day? Oh, what kind of whore what kind of whore no listen, bitch
01:02:09What are we doing here, what am I doing? What are we doing?
01:02:14I've been waiting for this for so long. Oh, I bet
01:02:21It's just it's been a really long time since I've been with a beautiful stranger. I mean not that there were strangers together, right?
01:02:27There's nothing to worry about
01:02:32All right, we can do this but no kissing and no anal
01:02:39Why no kissing no anal
01:02:42Because it's only cheating when you do those two things
01:02:44How so?
01:02:46Think about it. It's the first and last thing you do with a woman. It's special. I can't do that to my wife
01:02:56I don't care. I'm gonna give you the best head of all time. Who could say no to an offer like that?
01:03:11Oh
01:03:21Are you fucking nuts
01:03:41Oh
01:04:03Damn you have a strong grip were you a fucking gymnast? Are you ready? Take me?
01:04:12You
01:04:15Really don't remember me from high school. Do you sure I do
01:04:20What's my last name, oh boy, I don't know more head look I'm more of a first-name guy
01:04:26I'm really never been googled names. Oh, come on, Sammy. Help me out here. Oh, I will
01:04:32And my last name is Robertson
01:04:37Samantha Robertson
01:04:40Samantha Robertson, I like that name. Yeah, it's a good Polynesian name
01:04:48You know, I played hoops with a guy named Sam Robertson a
01:04:52Sophomore, it's a great guy be at this annoying mole on his forehead. Oh
01:04:57Yeah
01:05:10Okay, are you gay of course you're gay do you have a cock you don't have a cock no, I
01:05:17We're gonna suck my cock. Does that make me gay? I love cock. No, I don't I don't have a cock
01:05:23Okay, I I had an operation. I'm all woman now
01:05:29It's only gay if you come it's only gay if you come it's only good
01:05:32What did you tell me in the first place? I don't know. I guess I should have but I didn't think about it
01:05:38Okay, I've just always loved you and really wanted this
01:05:42What oh my god
01:05:47That was your dick I felt when you jumped on me at the buzzer beater for the league championship, wasn't it?
01:05:53That was a glorious moment and I wanted to share it with you
01:06:01Okay
01:06:03Okay
01:06:05I'm cool with who you are what you became or whatever it is
01:06:11Fucking night
01:06:13I'm just
01:06:15I'm just really glad to see that you like a human side and that you're cool with all
01:06:21sexual orientations
01:06:24World is really
01:06:27Yeah, I'm cool but that doesn't mean I want to play hide the salami with all of them, okay
01:06:32I'm a strictly woman only guy get it and that's women with vaginas from the beginning. I
01:06:40Get it
01:06:42Thanks for being understanding hey
01:06:47Sorry
01:07:03All right, we should get out of here
01:07:11Sam Bantha
01:07:17Go Falcons
01:07:20The 1996 League Championship will always mean so much more to me now go Falcons
01:07:33Yeah, well
01:07:50Why the fuck did you tell me it's a
01:08:02You
01:08:04You
01:08:28Water and some mints if you got them
01:08:35Maybe some hand sanitizer
01:08:46It does matter it's our date it we are not on a date it's bullshit you're coming with me
01:08:57Mind your own business asshole
01:09:04I'll teach you to cockblock me fucking asshole. Fuck you
01:09:34I
01:09:56Almost just blew me in the car and that's the least of my worries right now
01:09:59I'm really worried where you are and I don't really know what to do about it. I'm questioning my gender identity right now
01:10:04Please call me back
01:10:24I'm really sorry that happened. Are you okay? I am I'm okay. Are you okay?
01:10:34I'm better now
01:10:36Thanks for stepping in like that
01:10:40Look I'm a nice guy
01:10:43I'm kind of a doormat. It's my thing. I'm I'm already out of the ground if you want to walk all over me, too
01:10:48What kind of talk is that?
01:10:50You are such a gentleman
01:10:52JD is an ass
01:10:55JD
01:10:57Of course, why wouldn't that guy's name be JD pickup truck slapping women around?
01:11:04Let me see your face
01:11:09Oh shit, what is it bad?
01:11:14Just sit still for one second
01:11:21I'm Sarah by the way
01:11:25Wow
01:11:27What the hell's the matter with you? Sarah? I'm sorry. I want to readjusting your nose. What are you a doctor?
01:11:34Sort of I'm a nurse
01:11:45I'm Kevin. Nice to meet you
01:11:58I'm good as new
01:12:05I'm sorry. I yelled at you. Don't be you know, it hurts
01:12:14That's a good question
01:12:18You seem like a really nice girl
01:12:21Why do you go for an asshole like that
01:12:25Now I wasn't with him we just went on a few dates and he happened to be at the bar tonight
01:12:30He's not really my type
01:12:34That's for patching me up, yeah
01:12:41How about you drink
01:12:47How about it by you one
01:12:59So what should we have I don't know shut up drum
01:13:04Really if that's okay with you. Yeah, that's okay with me. Okay, of course
01:13:12Yeah, yeah
01:13:14Dude, if I got a story, but what the fuck happened to you nothing. Why do you want a lime Kevin? No, thanks
01:13:22Sarah's my best friend Brad Brad. This is Sarah. Hi. Hey
01:13:29Dude I am so sorry for being such an asshole earlier
01:13:31It almost came back to haunt me in the form of first gay experience, which in hindsight
01:13:34I don't think I was totally against. I mean, maybe I'm a Democrat after all
01:13:38Don't worry about it. Thank you. So what was that story?
01:13:45I'll tell you about it in the morning. Okay, here we go
01:13:50There you are I've been looking everywhere for you. Oh, hey babe guys, this is my girlfriend Samantha
01:13:55I'm Kevin. This is my best Sam and I go way back. Yeah, Bobby. We're gonna do one more shot for him
01:14:02I mean her I got men her head
01:14:07So, what are we toasting to to my hero
01:14:11St. Jude Falcons to my best friend
01:14:15Here's to the best Thanksgiving ever
01:14:25Oh
01:14:30I'm gonna sing a song
01:14:42All right coming up next
01:14:46Well, he's a unique singer saying a tender love ballad close to my heart
01:14:55Thank you
01:15:02Thank y'all for coming out tonight, thank you very much especially you in the green coat
01:15:12Blow me
01:15:15You hardly even
01:15:17know me
01:15:19just set yourself below me and
01:15:23And blow me
01:15:26Tonight
01:15:28This guy for real. I am afraid so it kind of sounds like nacho now. No
01:15:36When you part your lips that way I
01:15:42Want you night and day
01:15:46When you squeeze my balls so tight. I
01:15:51Want to blow my love with all my might so blow me
01:15:59You hardly even
01:16:02know me
01:16:04So blow me
01:16:07Get Sam
01:16:09You gotta blow me
01:16:13So blow me
01:16:18Blow me tonight
01:16:23Yeah
01:16:28Now next time I think I'll sing how's your hole
01:16:31I
01:16:36Was great meeting you you too
01:16:40Take care of my boy here. He's fragile. I think I can handle it. I'll see you in a minute
01:16:49So, uh, I'll see you tomorrow buddy you got
01:16:56Hey
01:16:59Thanks for everything
01:17:03Thank you girl
01:17:06Love you, pal
01:17:10Get in there
01:17:12I'm a man
01:17:27Where
01:17:42Oh
01:18:12I'm so sorry to wake you. That's okay
01:18:18Anything exciting happened tonight
01:18:21No
01:18:22It was lame
01:18:24Seems like everywhere you go in this town. You run into all the same people
01:18:28same old
01:18:30Sometimes it's a good thing
01:18:33Yeah, sometimes it's not
01:18:36I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm just so happy to be here with you right now
01:18:42I'll have sex in the morning bread. Oh, of course. Thank you
01:18:56Are you sure
01:18:59Yes, I'm sure so you can stop poking me in the thigh with your dick
01:19:12You're positive Brad. Love you
01:19:29The best sleep I've had in days I should play the accidental hero more often
01:19:43How's your nose
01:19:46It's a little sore but uh, I think I'm gonna make it
01:19:51What time is it
01:19:55It's almost 930
01:19:57Have to get to work you have to work the day after Thanksgiving. Mm-hmm a nurse's work is never done
01:20:13I
01:20:21Can't thank you enough for how you saved me last night actually it was you that saved me how so
01:20:29You just did
01:20:31I
01:20:38Don't think it's an emergency
01:21:01That's coming
01:21:03That's coming
01:21:27Yeah, boy scout he's all I gotta help my friend
01:21:33You can't be what do I want to drink an idea
01:21:46Without the olive, I don't know what we got there
01:21:53Know what?
01:21:55I
01:22:08I'm looking for a pussy. I'm looking for as much pussy as I can
01:22:11I've circled pussy and I I got it lined up here. That's what I'm looking for
01:22:17pussy
01:22:20Everyone's gonna see you make it your vagine your birth canal your cat purse pussy says meow
01:22:26It's disgusting sweetie tips. Ahoy. You need down to your poop deck poop deck papi. You need some pride
01:22:34Papi they're not gonna see that cat purse
01:22:39Pussy says
01:22:49Kelly Kelly
01:22:56Sorry
01:23:19Oh
01:23:34What's gonna say
01:23:41Morning handsome
01:23:49Oh
01:24:19I
01:24:41Just want to say on a personal note
01:24:49Oh
01:25:19You
01:25:44Good afternoon, everybody. I
01:25:46I love this song, by the way.
01:25:49Hi, Mike.
01:25:50That's Terry.
01:25:51Hi.
01:25:52We do radio in Detroit.
01:25:56Of all places.
01:25:57Ugh.
01:25:58Okay.
01:25:59Gonna be a good day today.
01:26:04Mike, stop.
01:26:07Someone just tweeted me a picture of Ray Charles as a referee in the end zone.
01:26:13No, no, no.
01:26:15Let me start out with this, okay?
01:26:18Thank you, Wayne.
01:26:19Everybody knows what happened, but I want to just express my feeling on something.
01:26:26We've been waiting for it all night.
01:26:27My anger does not even...
01:26:29How about this?
01:26:30On the list of anger, the refs don't come in first and neither does the football team.
01:26:37My anger lies with the lion organization.
01:26:42Okay?
01:26:43Owners, your CFO, CEO, your GM, your head coach, and any player who matters.
01:26:52My anger lies with them because here's the one guarantee I can give you.
01:26:56I can't guarantee whether the Lions win or lose.
01:26:58We know they lose most of the time.
01:27:01But I guarantee you that no matter how the league bends this franchise over, no matter
01:27:07how the league spits in your face, no matter how the league openly and forcibly disrespects you,
01:27:17you will say nothing.
01:27:20Your quarterback? Forget about it.
01:27:23Your head coach? Forget about it.
01:27:25I'm not even convinced he knew the rules on the sideline.
01:27:29Did he go crazy in the postgame? No.
01:27:32Here's my biggest complaint.
01:27:35This is a day where we as fans, you as fans, can do nothing.
01:27:41You can get angry, spin your wheels, scream and yell, whatever you want.
01:27:45The only people that can say things that will make you feel better or possibly affect change
01:27:52are the small group of people that have consistently over the course of the last 55 years said nothing.
01:28:00And that's your ownership and your management.
01:28:04Because what frustrated me most is last night was the time where if that happened to the Dallas Cowboys,
01:28:10Terry said it in pre-show, Jerry Jones would have robbed a church of their pulpit.
01:28:17Yeah, he would have stolen the pulpit and put it up and said, come over here.
01:28:21Everybody come here. I want to help you. Right.
01:28:25You, the fans, deserve better in this regard.
01:28:28Your team sucks.
01:28:31And for whatever reason, you still care.
01:28:33You deserve better.
01:28:35But understand the league does not respect you.
01:28:39The league does not take the Lions seriously.
01:28:42Because all the league has done consistently is defecate on you.
01:28:49Whether it's the Calvin process, the Dallas playoff game, the Pollard touchdown,
01:28:55All they do is spit in your face.
01:28:59And your ownership says nothing.
01:29:03Thank you. May I have another.
01:29:06And the league will continue to do this to you because they don't care about you.
01:29:11Because you don't matter.
01:29:13You're a non-entity. You're a joke.
01:29:15And you'll get treated like that.
01:29:17And it's going to happen again and again and again.
01:29:21That's the problem I have.
01:29:25I can tell. But you know, here's the thing.
01:29:27I don't even like this team.
01:29:28I understand, Mike.
01:29:29But I'm disgusted because these poor bastards that root for this team,
01:29:32they don't get anything.
01:29:34They show way more emotion than the team.
01:29:37And again, this team gets boned.
01:29:39Boop-a-doo.