Lisa Wilkinson destroys 50 Shades of Grey
“Fifty Shades of Grey is, quite simply, the worst movie I’ve ever seen.”
“Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey is a 30-something jerk of a billionaire who never seems to work. An emotionally crippled narcissist no one could love. Meanwhile, Dakota Johnson is the one-dimensional lip biting—COULD SOMEONE GET THAT GIRL A CHAPSTICK?—pathetic Anastasia Steele who, for no discernible reason, falls in love with the aforementioned jerk and singlehandedly sells women across the world short. Yes, Fifty Shades of Grey is more appalling than appealing. It’s domestic violence dressed up as er0tica. And if there’s one thing this movie is not, it’s er0tic. One star out of five, Dicky. And that’s only because of the excellent Choc-top I consoled myself with later. And I know you’re wondering, as to Pete. No, he didn’t get lucky last night because, after two hours of complete drivel, I need more than a Choc-top to pop my corn.”
“Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey is a 30-something jerk of a billionaire who never seems to work. An emotionally crippled narcissist no one could love. Meanwhile, Dakota Johnson is the one-dimensional lip biting—COULD SOMEONE GET THAT GIRL A CHAPSTICK?—pathetic Anastasia Steele who, for no discernible reason, falls in love with the aforementioned jerk and singlehandedly sells women across the world short. Yes, Fifty Shades of Grey is more appalling than appealing. It’s domestic violence dressed up as er0tica. And if there’s one thing this movie is not, it’s er0tic. One star out of five, Dicky. And that’s only because of the excellent Choc-top I consoled myself with later. And I know you’re wondering, as to Pete. No, he didn’t get lucky last night because, after two hours of complete drivel, I need more than a Choc-top to pop my corn.”